Transcripts For WRC The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 2

Featuring noah cyrus, and the legendary roots crew. Questlove show 800. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im speechless, thats what we want. That is exactly a hot crowd tonight. Welcome to the tonight show. Straight from new york city,. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. This is what this is what everybody is talking about. I saw that tomorrow, President Trump will have his First Physical since taking office. [ light laughter ] theyll get off to a weird start when he eats an entire jar of cotton balls because he thinks theyre marshmallows. [ laughter and applause ] these are pretty stale. Youll know trump eats a lot of junk food when the doctor puts his stethoscope to his chest and trumps heart whispers, help me [ laughter and applause ] wall. Covfefe. [ laughter ] yep, its his First Physical. There will be another awkward moment when trump tells the doctor hes sexually active and from the waiting room melania yells, fake news [ laughter and applause ] steve hey jimmy hey steve oh jimmy heyo close the door some privacy in this place steve thats why we need a a wall jimmy yeah [ laughter ] we have to build a soundproof wall in the doctors office. You guys see this . Time magazine just came out with a new issue that talks about trumps first year in office. Take a look at the cover there. [ laughter ] when he saw that, trump said, weird, i dont even remember taking that photo. [ laughter and applause ] i look good. I look great. Some Business News here, the ceo of Dominos Pizza announced that he is stepping down this summer. [ audience aws ] hell carefully pack up his office, then get home and find that all his stuff is stuck to the top of the box. Then you go. [ laughter and applause ] and after being out of business for years, circuit city announced that they are Opening Stores again. [ cheers ] yeah, they said they couldnt wait to fax their employees the news. [ laughter and applause ] hang up the phone, ill try it again. [ modem connecting ] oh, this is kind of funny, at the Consumer Electronics show in las vegas, lg had this big presentation to show off its robot thats nicknamed chloe. Trouble. Its always a bummer with watch this. Chloe, am i ready on my washer cycle . [ laughter ] chloe, whats for dinner tonight . [ laughter ] okay, chloe is not going to talk to me. Chloe doesnt like me, evidently. Chloe, are you talking to me yet . What recipes could i make with chicken . [ laughter ] okay. Jimmy yeah. Afterwards alexa was like, you froze, kid. [ laughter and applause ] they couldnt get chloe to work, but then he was like, oh, wait a minute, her name is courtney. Courtney, how do you bake a a chicken . 30 minutes. Jimmy thank you. Wrong kardashian, sorry. [ laughter ] meanwhile, vermont could become the first state to legalize Recreational Marijuana throu [ cheers ] yeah. Then the state full of ben jerrys and snowboarders said, oh, good, we can finally start smoking weed. Yeah. Finally. Wonder what that will be like. [ laughter and applause ] this made me laugh. The other day in brazil, a a woman went bowling and it didnt really turn out the way she planned. Take a look at this. [ speaking Foreign Language ] [ scream ] [ thud ] [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, then then she hit the other two tvs to get a spare. [ laughter and applause ] all right, you guys, we have a a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, roots. [ cheers and applause ] we have got a fantastic show tonight. We love this guy so much. He is the best and hes one of our favorite guests and weve just weve known him forever. I love this guy so much. Hes having an incredible week. He won a golden globe last weekend and this weekend [ cheers and applause ] yeah, he won and this weekend, he is hosting saturday night live. Sam rockwell is here tonight steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] hes the best. Jimmy he is the best, man. Steve yeah. Jimmy hes fantastic in this movie and every movie. We love him, but this movie whew. Hes really good. Yeah, yeah, i want to talk to him about all that stuff. Also from the amazon series, one mississippi, the very funny tig notaro is stopping by. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tig and weve got great music from alan walker featuring noah cyrus. [ cheers and applause ] alan walker featuring noah cyrus. Plus tonight, we have two surprise guests will be joining us. Steve oh jimmy for charades. [ rs guys, its time for tonight show hashtags, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] Hashtags Hashtags jimmy awe, thank you very much, everybody. We do this thing every week where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. So since the new season of the bachelor just started [ cheers ] yeah, i know. You guys have you all seen it yet . Or not yet . [ cheers ] its a slow slow build. Steve slow build, yeah. Jimmy well, since the new season of the bachelor just started and i sent out a a hashtag called worstfirstdate. The worst first date. I asked you guys to send us stories about the worst first dates youve ever seen. Within 30 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. We were trending [ cheers and applause ] we were trending number three steve thats great jimmy yeah, yeah. And i now i thought id share some of my favorite worst first date stories for you guys. This first one is from joroh she says, i was really into this guy, but i was so nervous on our first date that when he told me, you smell good, i replied, thanks, i use both of my nostrils. [ laughter and applause ] i use both of my nostrils. This one is from annabanana0626. She says, i was walking ahead of him and got into the car parked out front before he could open the door for me. He knocked on the window and yelled through the glass, this isnt my car. [ laughter and applause ] its a mercedes benz, i kind of like it. Steve yeah. Jimmy whose car is this . Steve ill wait. This one is from foreversmiling2. She says, on my first date, my first time even at a sushi place, i decided to order thirteen rolls. I thought rolls meant individual pieces of sushi. The servers had to push two tables together just to hold them all there. [ cheers and applause ] thirteen rolls of sushi. Well, whatever you say. Bring em keep brining em. This ones from snookicookie16. She says, at the end of the night, he acted like he was going in for a kiss, then put his whole mouth over my nose and blew into it. He laughed and said he does it to his dogs and calls it a a puppy trumpet. [ laughter and applause ] puppy trumpet. Steve puppy trumpet. Garbage person. Its my puppy trumpet, man. Jimmy it said the end of the night at the end of the date, it was the ol puppy trumpet. Steve ol puppy trumpet. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] this ones from hotovy. Hotovy . He says, the first time i meant my wife, she was convinced there were 52 states in the u. S. When i suggested there were only 50 states, she called her brother, who confirmed that there were in fact 52 states. [ laughter and applause ] never going to win. Steve theyre married win, dude. Hes married, yeah, hes married. Steve he learned his lesson early. Jimmy exactly, yeah. This ones from patrickah81. He says, i once spilled soda on my crotch while pulling into my dates driveway. My first words when she answered the door were, its not pee. [ laughter and applause ] steve im clean. Jimmy its not pee. Steve yeah, not pee. Jimmy all right, well, what is it . Steve its a little bit of poop. [ laughter ] jimmy this ones from lindachilders1. She said, a friend once set me up on a blind date. I wasnt in a great mood because i had received a a traffic ticket a few hours before. My day got worse when my blind date turned out to be the cop who gave me the ticket. Steve oh what [ audience ohs ] i know you thats fate thats fate jimmy oh, my goodness. This ones from mfonda. She says, on our first date, the guy choked on an omelet and blew an onion out of his nose. [ laughter and applause ] steve he could have used the puppy trumpet. [ laughter ] jimmy thats w steve yeah, thats what you gotta get there. Jimmy thats what you use it for, yeah. Next one is from our very own questlove. Steve oh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this is very interesting here. He says, i had dinner with Rosario Dawson and let mos def and his bros crash the party. Mos actually casually ordered her 500 birthday cake. It wasnt her birthday. The bill came to 1400. I didnt have 1400. [ laughter and applause ] that was it . That was it . That was it. Questlove theres only 280 characters, i couldnt go jimmy yeah, yeah. Have you ever tried to go on a a second date, or no . Questlove i didnt get a a second date. [ laughter ] Jimmy Rosario we got to bring this up when she comes on. [ laughter ] thats the greatest tariq, you have a worst first date story . Tariq no, all my first dates, they went swimmingly. [ laughter and applause ] steve swimmingly swimmingly. Jimmy last one here is from ash10g. She says, we had mini makeout, then he fist bumped me and said, nice work. [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. Those are our tonight show hashtags. [ cheers and applause ] to check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Were playing charades with special guests after the break. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] resolution 1 binge more. Join the uncarrier, and get four unlimited lines for only forty bucks each. Plus, netflix for the whole family. On us. So, they get their shows. 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Tariq and i are about to play a a game of charades with two very special guests. On tuesday they received the spotlight award from the National Board of review for their film which grossed over 800 million, and is nominated for the Producers Guild award for best picture. Please welcome the director and the star of wonder woman Patty Jenkins and gal gadot. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on, pal. Come on. All right. I mean, these guys [ cheers and applause ] now, you all know how to play charades. Each player gets a turn giving silent clues to their teammates. 30 seconds on the clock per turn. Were going to do four rounds. And then the fifth round is a a charades showdown. Both teams give the same clue at the same time. The teams are me and gal versus patty and tariq. Gal, why dont you start us off tonight and lets show them how its done. You got it. Jimmy patty. Patty, you can go right there. Tariq. Just watch the magic. Jimmy yeah, watch the magic. Exactly. You guys, pick a number, any number for gal . Number . [ audience shouts suggestions ] seven. Jimmy alright, we can do this. Remember, the seinfeld episode with seven neven . Nevermind. [ laughter ] you remember. Jimmy okay. Um, okay. Jimmy yeah. Oh, we got this. I can feel it already. Oh, its a song. Three words. First word belt. [ light laughter ] waist. Hip. Hips dont lie [ cheers and applause ] [ harmonizing ] yeah, yeah, yeah. [ talking over each other ] hips dont lie. Jimmy oh, yeah. Shakira [ laughter ] shakira, shakira. All right, im going for nine. Nine, okay. Uh [ laughter ] jimmy well, wait, this is very common. Its a film, of course you would get that. Tariq hush, please [ laughter ] three words. The karate kid . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy karate kid . [ laughter ] you didnt even say kung fu panda . Its like tariq just got tariq i bet you already you already probably knew where i was going, right . Jimmy that was more kung fu than karate. I dont know what that was. Tariq what . Jimmy cmon. Okay, you got it, you got it. Jimmy algh [ audience shouts suggestions ] i heard a very confident four out there. Oooh. Okay. Shoo jimmy okay. [ laughter ] okay. Telepathic connection. Jimmy okay, ready for this . Okay. I hope. Jimmy okay. Um film. Three words. Tariq kung fu panda. Jimmy yeah, right . [ laughter ] all right, ready . One. Single. One. No. Jimmy first word. First word. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] its short and small end. [ laughter ] three words, number three. [ light laughter ] a chicken. Chicken. [ laughter ] revenge. Very funny dance. [ buzzer ] jimmy why couldnt you get it down . What was it . Jimmy it was the mighty ducks. Tariq oh jimmy oh. Terrible, terrible. I know, i know. Tariq almighty. Jimmy the crowd is trying not to boo. [ talking over each other ] the crowd is trying not to boo right now. [ laughter ] oh, its terrible, oh. Jimmy i could have done mighty, i could have done how do you duck . Uh, you did this. Oh, duck. How do you do that . Yeah. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] is it me . Jimmy all right. Okay. We got this. One word oh, no, thats easy. [ laughter ] jimmy what . Arrival. Arrival. Jimmy oh, thats a good guess. Wait, are you what . [ laughter ] time out. Jimmy dont even look at that. What was that . [ laughter ] uh wait. Oh, god [ laughter ] i, uh [ buzzer ] is it jimmy godzilla . Tariq it was twilight. Jimmy twilight . Twilight . Oh, thats nice. Tariq i was thinking, like, a werewolf, a vampire twilight. Tariq the light. It looks like a dinosaur. [ laughter ] tariq ehh. Okay. Jimmy oh, my god. All right, now this is the showdown. Oh, the show down, right. Oh, god, okay. Jimmy patty, you and gal get up. All right. Jimmy now you both okay. Jimmy get the same clue tariq okay. Jimmy and we ka wins the whole shabang. Six. Tariq so then team tariq wins. Got it. [ laughter ] okay. Jimmy were going to do it. Were going to do this. I promise you. Okay. Cool. [ laughter ] jimmy wait, wait, wait. Stop she started already. [ talking over each other ] okay, so look at her in the meantime because i didnt. Tariq its a song. Okay, ready . Jimmy ready. Its a song. Jimmy song. Yeah. Tariq oh dragon. Godzilla. Uh jimmy attack. Love. Tariq hair, hair. Im a panther, lion, tiger. Eye of the tiger. Tiger im a tiger. Jimmy the lion sleeps tonight. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness thats how we redeemed ourselves. Yes. Jimmy we did it gal gadot, right there Patty Jenkins Tariq Trotter well be right back, with sam rockwell, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] hello, aloe. We said no, no, no to this stuff. And yes, yes, yes to bio renew. Made with active antioxidants that work from the inside out. To help animate lifeless hair, and bring it back to life. Find aahs and oos in every fresh bottle of herbal essences bio renew. Let life in. with 33 individual vertebrae and 640 muscles in the human body, no two of us are alike. 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Now, just 79. 99 per month with a 2year price guarantee with a 2year agreement. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a fantastic actor. He just won a golden globe award for his work in the film three billboards outside ebbing, missouri. You can catch him hosting saturday night live for the first time this weekend with musical guest halsey. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome sam rockwell [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i love that guy. Sam rockwell. Sam rockwell. Sam rockwell. How are you . Look at that. Standing ovation. Welcome. Hey, man. Jimmy oh, sam rockwell, we are so happy to have you here. Dude jimmy and im so happy for you, dude. Congratulations, man yeah jimmy you did it [ cheers and applause ] jimmy man, well deserved, dude. Thanks, man. Thanks a lot. Jimmy well, well, welldeserved. Thanks, man. Jimmy and so you go from the Golden Globes to snl this weekend. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy youre having a crazy couple of weeks. Its crazy. Jimmy how was the Golden Globes . Was it fun . It was amazing. It was amazing. Yeah, it was like it was incredible. It was like a whirlwind. You know . Jimmy do you know what you do when you get on stage . Or did you freak out . Did you have anything prepared or i had a couple of the bullet points, you know . But i kind of freaked out. Jimmy yeah. It was a yeah, i made an imodium joke. You know . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, as one does. As one does, you know . Jimmy that one you had written, quite obviously, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy did you go party afterwards . I partied little a bit. Eh, not too much because i knew this week was a big week. Jimmy yeah, but i would go around with my golden globe and be like i would go to, like, taco bell and be like oweeowee. Yeah. [ laughter ] you know whats up. Jimmy youre really going to charge me . Come on. [ laughter ] i just won a golden globe, man. Give me give me give me, something, man. Jimmy a taquito. Give me something off the menu. You got salad, man. Jimmy give me something off the menu. Come on. [ laughter ] yeah. I did go to a few parties. They were very loud. Everybody was sort of calm and very, you know, composed. And then salma hayek grabbed my my globe and she picked it up like a microphone. She started, like, singing to i will survive using my globe. Jimmy yes she was groovin, man. Jimmy shes so fun. Thats what im talking about. Thats what im saying. Shes so fun she didnt ca