Tonight winter storm grayson fast and furious. Stephen welcomes curtis 50 cent jackson, Rachel Brosnahan and comedian gary vider, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its stephe Stephen Colbe cheers and applause band playing stephen thank you very much hey, everybody please, have a seat. Thank you so much. Good to have you here. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause thank you. Thank you all for joining me, especialou cheers and applause you out there dont know but these people have been mating for all members of the nights watch now. Theyve taken the black here north of the wall. laughter there is a whopper of a storm hitting the east coast. There hasnt been such an aggressive onslaught of white since trump took office. Lav l laughter and there it is. Jon yeah. Stephen he road in on that blue craggen and everything. And now, we are getting hit hard here in the big apple, but now the citys in that magical, like, fourminute window when the snow is still pretty and white and hasnt yet turned the color of garbage juice and rat. And its been pretty rough, coming in from the suburbs. This morning, i had to burrow in the stomach of a tauntaun. Thank you for your sacrifice, crumbles. Like all massive snowstorms, the Weather Channel has given this one a name. Theyre calling it winter storm grayson making it the first storm named after a child throwing a tantrum in line at whole foods. laughter jon whoa stephen calm down, grayson, or know kale when we get home laughter jon discipline stephen and right now grayson is throwing a tantrum because extreme drops in barometric pressure have led to conditions resembling a winter hurricane, or what meteorologists call explosive cyclogenesis. laughter which is also the name of my latest progrock album. laughter applause but basically a yes. Jon yes. Stephen were a yes cover band. laughter but other people are using the even more intense term, bomb cyclone which is the name of the marijuana strain you should e i cant even say it. Jon ha. Stephen this storm is causing havoc all over the country. This week, snow fell in florida it was so cold that the state may never be the same. laughter let that sink in. Let that sink in. Should we have animated shriveling up . I dont know. No, why not . laughter now grayson has moved further off the east coast than expected, possibly because it didnt want to compete with the bleep storm in washington d. C. , thanks to all the juicy revelations in the new book about the trump presidency, fire and fury. Not to be confused with omarosas new book, fired and furious. laughter piano riff shes mad. Not happy. Yesterday, we got primo poop strategist and expired hamburger meat that wished to be a real boy, steve bannon. Remember that meeting at trump tower between jared, manafort, don jr. And that russian lawyer . They dont. But bannon does. And he says, it was treasonous. audience oohing oh, no, i agree with steve bannon that old gypsy was right. And remember, trump denied any knowledge of this russia meeting but bannon said, the chance that don jr. Did not walk these jumos up to his Fathers Office of the 26 floor is zero. Which is same chance that theres a word jumo. laughter i dont know what it means. You guysr jon no. Stephen i think it might be spanish for maga jon i dont know what jumo is. Stephen this made trump lose his. Lets say, mind. He fired a vicious statement claiming bannon had nothing to do with me or my presidency. Again, thats bannon, seen here with trump in the oval office, having nothing to do with them. That doesnt prove anything. I was just renting him space in the white house for his popup halloween store. He doesnt have any influence over me. Other than being my chief political strategist and convincing me to support an accused child molester. For senate. laughter of course, the white house has called everything in the book a lie, but yesterday trumps lawyer sent bannon a cease and desist letter, and accused him of violating an agreement that prevented him from disclosing confidential information. Is he lying, or disclosing confidential information . Steve, you promised youd never tell anyone about those terrible things you saw me not do. laughter remember . And bannon caught holy hell from his own supporters. In the last 24 hours, candidates he endorsed abandoned him, he lost his biggest billionaire donor, even the altright is turning its back on steve bannon. Its true. Theyre so embarrassed of him that a lot of the altright has started covering their faces with hoods. laughter jon whoa stephen yeah, they dont want to be seen. Turn out the lights, Walking Around with torches. Theyre just so embarrassed. piano riff now, remember, Mitch Mcconnell and bannon have been butting heads, with bannon claiming he was going to take mcconnell down. This well, yesterday, on his twitter feed, mcconnell proved he was having the last laugh, or at least the last creepy smile. laughter thats either pure schadenfreud, or someones feeding a turtle. Here comes the lettuce. laughter applause piano riff of course, its not just bannon. This book is loaded with the dish, including details of donald and melanias bedroom habits. Dont change channels its not what you dont want to think. It turns out that the president and the first lady have separate bedrooms, the first first couple to do so since john and jackie kennedy. Meaning donald trump has had just as much sex as j. F. K. Has had in the past year. laughter but if youre concerned that the president might have a mistress, dont worry. Apparently, every night, if trump was not having his 6 30 dinner with steve bannon, he was in bed by that time with a cheeseburger. laughter im going to hope, eating it. laughter piano riff mmm, mmm, i love you, hamburger. Whats that . laughter ahhh laughter audience reacts what . hes just licking off the special sauce audience reacts jon oh stephen hey, get your mind out of the drivethrough. Now, believe it or not and this will shock some of you the guy who eats mcdonalds in bed tends to make a staff were instructed to not clean up after trump, who said, if my shirt is on the floor, its because i want it on the floor. Dont touch my floorshirts. There might be some leftover cheeseburger in there. laughter so how did the author of this book, journalist michael wolff, get such access . From the president himself. Wolff says, after the election, i proposed to trump that i come to the white house and report an inside story for later publication. Journalistically, as a fly on the wall, id like to just watch and write a book. a book . he responded, losing interest. i hear a lot of people want to write books. i wrote one just the other day, maybe youve heard of it . Its called mad libs and its about a bumpy clown going to a slimy wedding. Pretty spooky stuff. Today in the White House Press briefing, everyone was eager to hear the white house response to this book, but first there was a very special episode of the huckasanders propaganda variety hour. Special guest that id like to share with you. Ill ask you to tune in to the screens, and then ill continue from there. Thank you for being with us today. Stephen hes appearing on video even though hes 50 feet down the hallway. I have a message for the White House Press corps the call is coming from inside the house get out of there laughter get out cheers and applause im dizzy from the stupid. laughter and it continued with trump playing on two screens behind her. Isnt it bad enough that we have to watch this guy on tv . Why do we have to watch him on tv on tvs . Its dictator behavior. But if youre going to do it, at least use it to give sarah context. The president s economic agenda of lower taxes, less regulation and more opportunity for all is already paying off, and American Families and workers are the big winners. With that in mind, we have a message from a special guest that id like to share with you. These are all lies. We say lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie thank you, mr. President. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. Curtis 50 cent jackson is here, but when we come back , marijuana stick around cheers and applause band playing in life. And in water. Choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. Choose the filtered life. [ laughs ] rodney. Bowling. Classic. Can i help you . Its me. Jamie. Im not good with names. Celeste i trained you. We share a locker. Moose man yo. He gets two name your price tools. He gets two . 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Thats the 12th christmas, when the wise men show up with the gold, the frankincense, the myrrh and the novelty book. Jon the book, yes. laughter stephen folks, we have bad news for folks who partake of the sweet, sweet green stuff. Of course, im talking about all the money states are making off legal marijuana. Because, today, their buzz was shackled by attorney general, and gnome on your blacklight poster whos going to narc on you, Jeff Sessions. Today, sessions rescinded an obamaera policy that paved the way for legalized marijuana to flourish. My roommate in college made it flourish with a lamp in our closet. Come on, jeff. Youre the states rights guy would it help if they smoked the weed out of a rolledup Confederate Flag . This new directive from sessions can mean only one thing he still doesnt know that white people smoke pot, too. We cant expose our delicate young ladies to the jazz mans reefah stick. laughter beauregard, bring the horses around laughter im paraphrasing, obviously. Jon yeah, yeah. Stephen states who have legalized pot are surprisingly mellow about the news. In fact, the u. S. Attorney in colorado says there will be no change to marijuana enforcement despite sessions shift on pot policy. Wait, pot just got recriminalized and smokers are less paranoid . Whats next . Theyve had enough little debbies swiss cakes . But the republicans opponents arent taking this sitting down on the couch in the basement. Like independent senator and man watching a dog play electric guitar, bernie sanders. Sanders was critical of treating pot smokers as criminals, saying, marijuana isnt heroin. Its true, marijuana is not heroin. And for the record, senator sanders, a spoon is not a comb. laughter applause jon wow. A spoon is not a comb stephen but, come on, sessions knows marijuana isnt heroin. Because hes on the record, saying marijuana is only slightly less awful than heroin. Yes, theyre very close. Take heroin, youll die. Smoke marijuana and you will die laughing at Jeff Sessions. laughter but who knows if this will even last because a 12yearold colorado girl who takes medical marijuana for seizures is already suing Jeff Sessions and the d. E. A. cheers and applause and, oh, mr. Sessions, you do not want to mess with a 12yearold girl. Shes probably twice your height and shes on that demon weed. Watch out well be right back with noted pot opponent, curtis 50 cent cheers and applause band playing if you could see your cough, youd see all the sickness youre spreading. Robitussin cf max. Nothing lasts longer and treats more symptoms for your cough, cold and flu. elevator bell ringing robitussin cf max severe. Because its never just a cough. We cantwhy . Y here flat toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. avo charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show my first guest tonight is a grammyaward winning rapper, actor and entrepreneur who has sold over 30 million albums. Please welcome curtis 50 cent jackson cheers and applause band playing stephen nice to happy to be here. Stephen happy to have you. Help me out with something here. I hope you will be patient with me because, obviously, im not cool on all. So i cant call you fitty. Wouldnt be proper, but if i call you 50 cent, im going to seem way too square. So im thinking maybe halfdollar jackson. Thats just for me and you, stephen. Stephen mr. Halfdollar jackson over there. Sharon osbourne gave me that nickname, fitty cent. Stephen she gave you fity . Aid, its 50cent. She said fity cent, an its been that ever since. Stephen your name is that because of an english accent . Fitty cent. Stephen wow, i didnt know that. So they say, are you cent . Im, like, are you serious . Stephen so movie, den of thieves, youre curtis in this, right . Yeah, i put curtis 50 cent jackson, so people wouldnt expect what they expect from me as a musical artist. Stephen is there difference in the personality between Curtis Jackson and your persona as 50 cent . Well, Curtis Jackson is my grandmothers baby. Thats when i clean up. Stephen can you show me . Heres curtis. And heres 50. Stephen thats done. Thats an artist. Youre an artist with that face of yours. Thats really good. Listen, its the first time meeting you, but, like, there is so much to know about you because youre everywhere. You have music, tv, movies, endorsements and obviously your first album, get rich and die trying, sold 1 million copies, five studio albums, got a grammy. Youre executive producer and star of the tv series power. E. P. And host of Comedy Series and invested in vitamin water to casper mattresses. Heres the thing, that suit and your resume tells me youre a tycoon. This is the casper mattress doing good suit. cheers and applause stephen thats right. Hey, theyre advertising a lot of podcasts, casper mattress. Trump is also from queens. I felt funny when you said that. Stephen but youre two tycoons, two guys made good from queens. Is he like your friends you knew in the neighborhood . Things have come out about donald since hes been the president of america. Stephen weve learned a lot. To be honest, i think its by accident. When something happens by accident, youre not prepared for it. I think he was trying to get a great renegotiation for the apprentice. audience reacts stephen so he just wanted to go back to nbc and say he wanted to lose the presidency, he didnt want the job. Stephen thats what the book says. Yeah, then when you win youre, like, what the bleep . Somehow ive got to be the president . laughter applause yeah, man. Stephen yeah, that was my reaction, too. laughter he does things and i recognize the things why hes doing them. Stephen recognize what . Recently he was saying Something Like i got a bigger you know, i got a bigger stephen button. Yeah, nuclear button. Thats, like, stuff you do in like, if you know somebodys got a problem with you, you will be like, you want a problem . No problem. Hes bluffing. Thats how you bluff. But you dont bluff with the entire world what the bleep you dont do that stephen thats exactly what hes doing. Yeah, yeah. Stephen yes. You dont want that smoke. We dont want that smoke , like, none of us we dont want that to take place but hes, like, i got a Bigger Nuclear button than you thats like saying i got a bigger johnson than yours. Stephen i dont know if we can say johnson on cbs. Can we say johnson . Sure, why not. That was the cleanest version of it i had. cheers and applause stephen thank you. Your grandmother would be proud. She would. Stephen now, lets see, known for having beefs with people, okay. Beef is not always a bad thing. Stephen okay, how is a beef a good thing . Because i dont want to go over, like, bad history with you, but you were shot nine times. Yeah, that wasnt good. Stephen that was not good. Beef is not always a bad thing. Stephen okay. You need to have even, like, positive competition. Like, whos in your tim