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Nothing is ever original; after all, every creative work is simply a retooling of the same themes.

Syracuse University professors find that female proteins bind to the sperm and these proteins constitute 20% of the sperm’s mass, making the sperm more viable and partially female.

Leaderboard 2 Unlimited Forks are soon to arrive at Cornell dining halls, notably Robert Purcell and Toni Morrison dining. This is a huge feat, considering that forks are essential to eating foods like noodles, salads, many kinds of meat and more. The estimated arrival date of the much-anticipated Unlimited Forks is January 2035.Last semester, students […]

To the Editor:If there’s one phrase that makes me think of college, it’s definitely “find yourself.” I know this sounds strange, but I’m here to show the world the definitely real truth about Bill Nye’s college experience. Surprisingly, Bill Nye entered Cornell having not yet “found himself.” Believe it or not, Bill entered Cornell in […]

During my time within the Monastery of Saint Martin the Merciful, I have often noticed within The Sun’s pages a disproportionate amount of space devoted to extolling the pleasures of physical (and needless to say, premarital) contact and detailing shameless and blatant sexual escapades. While I do not chastise these souls for their conduct, I […]