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>> but no bounce. anyway -- i want to give a shout out to our headliner, conan o'brien. [ applause ] >> i was just talking to ed, and i understand that when the correspondents were considering conan for this gig they were faced with that age-old dilemma, do you offer it to him now or wait for five years and then give it to jimmy fallon? [ crowd oohs." >> that was a little harsh. i love conan. and of course, the white house press corps is here. i know cnn has taken some knocks lately. but fact is i admire their commitment to cover all sides of the story. just in case one of them happens to be a...

With congress. this is going to be fun. now right away i'd like to formally congratulate the president on his re-election. congratulations. as you all know, the president is hard at work creating jobs. since he was first elected the number of popes has doubled [ laughter ] >> and the number of "tonight show" hosts has tripled. congratulations! [ applause ] >> and while i'm at it i'd like to congratulate president george w. bush on this week's dedication of his presidential library. yes, the library has millions of books, articles and documents. and if you go you can be the first to read them. ...

Offensive on the road. a texas barbecue with ted cruz. kentucky bluegrass concert with rand paul. and a book burning with michele bachmann. [ crowd oohs ] >> my charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what's going on in congress. it turns out absolutely nothin . [ laughter ] but point of my charm offensive is simple. we need to make progress on some important issues. take the sequester. republicans fell in love with this thing. and now they can't stop talking about how much they hate it. it's like we're trapped in a taylor swift album [ laughter ]

He has the only show where the commercial exists just so they can wipe the spittle off the lens. by the way, during the boston coverage on msnbc last week, chuck todd stopped a pundit from speculating on unverified information. there's no joke here. i'm just letting the people at cnn know that you can do that. [ crowd oohs ] >> this is a learning experience. hello to fox news star bill o'reilley. he's become quite the author. he's had two recent best sellers "killing kennedy" and "killing lincoln." he had one that was not so popular "the peaceful death of cats." what were you thinking? the tru...