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And started botox® sooner. so, ask your doctor if botox® is right for you. learn how abbvie could help you save on botox®. >> greg: physical standards decline. can they still make arrests if they feel the fitness test? the nypd announce yet another luring of the fitness requirements for new recruits as they continue to struggle hiring more. it is one of the following from new york progressives making the job less appealing than a subway pole liquor. i did not know there were professional pole makers. the run which connects over 14 minutes to complete, i could do that walking. it will be scr...

With the 24-hour news cycle. you only watch the news when you are angry. they have to her cherry-picking stories. then they are in bed with the ad companies. after applebee's to for 20, we are sto stuffing quesadilla burs in your mouth. >> greg: i want to thank you for that. >> i want to sleep over at their house with no fee because you are getting rich off of applebee's. >> greg: excellent appetizers, by the way. >> i love it. >> greg: kat, do you agree? could it be drugs? are you miming later? >> no. also, i look awesome. kind of infected everything. okay, i watch the bachelor and i notice t...

Postal service cannot do [bleep], right, i'm sure all of the really affected people from the post office moved over to that, right? why can't the police go like, okay, there's a private force and i could just move from the police to get better pay and go to this private force. they will give you steroids and baseball bats. >> private security. protection. >> that is why they all go. >> greg: can you shoot somebody? >> yeah. with steroids. [laughter] >> greg: i'm asking you as an expert. can these private people shoot people? >> i think so, yes. stand your ground. >> greg: stand your ground or ...

Are going to die. get the [bleep] out of here. it is what they do because they have to. it is attention. they need that attention. they live in the first world. they don't have real problems. they are not like, my light bill is going to cut off, can i plug in my extension cord? that is a real problem. they don't have real problems. i don't know i don't know. i realized today that i was more caucasian and there's a good chance my great great grandfather owned slaves. get out of my house! that is not a real problem. be like us. go outside. trying to do e-sports. go camping, fishing, play with yo...

Greg Gutfeld examines the news of the day through a satiric lens fused with pop culture.