People who were failed in important ways as children often grow up with the hope of finding someone who will finally meet all their unmet childhood needs.
To become self-aware, to begin to have a conscious relationship with our internal self, is to begin to break out of all the systems that are unconscious.
As we grow, the traumas we experience become locked into our personalities. Grieving is the process of unlocking those frozen traumas, which is what gives us a chance to change.