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Get the safe." so in a way, josh saved "gunner's" life. >> why is it that you want to have a conversation with him at this point? i mean, it's, you know, 20-plus years later. >> well, the only thing worse than what i did is not caring that i did it. i think it's important for me to take responsibility for this with him in person, that i own all of it completely. >> there's some apprehension. i know that i'm going to be eventually be face to face with christian for the first time since 1995 at the trial. i hope it's an honest dialogue. christian thinks that i had a gun, which is -- i don't know...

Vibe to him. it changed our relationship, and what ended up happening was that is because i'd had a series of failures, i was really feeling low. so i start using speed. i end up, you know, being up for several days at a time. and then becoming sleep deprived. all of those things that you don't want to face start coming out of you, you know, a lot of people call them meth monsters. and you're kind of, like, in a dream place where you're confronting all the things that you don't want to confront. and my stability is coming unhinged. so at this time, i see "gunner." my friend, josh, was kind of,...

Josh goes into the kitchen area. and i go into "gunner's" room. and i shot him. i hear josh running through the house yelling and i'm kind of half dodging gunfire in my mind thinking, like, this dude might have a beef. as soon as i see patrick, i shoot one round at him, bam, and he drops. i go back into the room. "gunner" is sitting up on the bed. we're this close to one another and he has the gun pointed at my chest and i hear it click. his gun had jammed. in that moment of fear, because he had the gun directly at my chest, and i go, you know what, and i felt good about shooting him in the he...