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I've known, or special forces, my green beret brothers or anyone else i worked with in the military, no one knew anything. >> why did you want to be a s.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough. there was no movies out at the time when i joined up. this is the late '80s and all we knew about it was what we knew from some of the books and some of the old guys from vietnam and they were the men in green faces. they did some, you know, amazing things. we read the stories about it. so you grow up with that always around you. i want...

Around you. i want to be the toughest of the tough. so for me, having my inside little kernel of my femininity, it was like i've heard people say before i escape in hypermasculinity. i've heard that term thrown around and i kind of look back and go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hypermasculinity. i didn't know anything. but it's more of those layers being put on. and that is a huge thick layer. >> so there was part of you that felt if you could become a s.e.a.l. and be in the toughest of the tough, that feminine side of you would disappear? >> yes. i could totally...

And go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hypermasculinity. i didn't know anything. but it's more of those layers being put on. and that is a huge thick layer. >> so there was part of you that felt if you could become a s.e.a.l. and be in the toughest of the tough, that feminine side of you would disappear? >> yes. i could totally make it go away. if i could be at the top level and be -- maybe it would go away. maybe i could cure myself. >> you really thought that? >> yes. i think that's probably just the society pressure and family pressure and everything else. >> di...