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The former Made In Chelsea star, 32, feels a 'deep sadness' and like she has 'let down' her son Leo, 12 months, because she 'can't remember the first five months' of his life.
The 32-year-old said she had 'shed a few tears thinking about what today would've looked like if I hadn't made it' as she reflected on a tough year.
The former Made In Chelsea star, 32, admitted she was 'nervous' to throw her son Leo's first birthday on Sunday as she gave her fans a glimpse on Instagram.