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So i went on the road and saw the dead coast to coast and had some pretty amazing experiences. i had a pretty happy, carefree, existence as a hippy. i didn't have support financially from my parents at that time. so i learned to sell marijuana. i thought of it not really as dealing drugs but as a service. it seemed really laid back. i didn't think of having to carry a gun, but eventually i started to because there was just so much money involved. >> and you're, like, how old? >> 19, 18, yeah. >> so, just take me back. describe what happened the night of the incident. >> it was december 20th of...

Space, brother, you know, you know, this is -- this is the heavy lift. what do you want out of this, brother? >> i just want the truth. >> do you want the truth? okay. so do you want to share the way that you perceive it or do you want me to say -- >> i'll tell you exactly what happened. i woke up and you were at the foot of my bed. i sat up and you pulled out a pistol and shot me twice. that quick. didn't say a word. nothing. knocked me over on my bed. i bled there for a while. i sat up in bed. hit my light. spit out a mouthful of blood. i could hear you guys in the front yard loading up the ...

>> trust me that it lingers in me. i know what i did. >> i know it does. >> he was a special person. >> he was. >> and to see what kind of person you are today, it just reminds me of the potential of his life that he could have had, too. to know that it's not here because of me. >> thank you. give yourself credit. you have done a lot of work. don't beat yourself up with the guilt. let it go. you shouldn't be defined by that act as a 19-year-old kid on drugs. >> my hope is that that guilt that you carry, it gets easier. i still do a lot of the stuff that i made amends for. and actually received...

Support that habit and ended up in federal prison. and i don't blame you entirely, but that was a pivotal moment for sure. i mean, i was a pot dealer before that, and that was part of my crime. you know, i had two marijuana priors, but, god, it sent me in a horrible direction. not only did it impact me and, of course, pat, who's no longer here, our families, your family, josh's family. >> did you carry some guilt over patrick's -- >> oh, yeah. yeah. so i don't know if you realize, but pat -- the only reason he was on my couch was because we drank that night and i told him he could crash on the...

Driveway and he stops the car. he opens up the door and he comes down the sideway and he clearly has his gun. well, this fires me up, like, you going to get at me with a gun? you know, like this is how we're doing this? i jump out of the car and i confront him and, you know, he backs down. but as i get in the car, i tell josh, i'm like, man, i ain't really feeling the way they got at us. that dude needs to get checked. he needs to understand who we are and not to mess with, you know, that's not acceptable to me. you got to understand the biker community is, like, they have very clear-cut codes...