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I went down a lot of different -- i found different methods of therapy and poem along the way that brought me to where i am right now. >> describe that effort, what did not feel normal when you got that? >> everything. nothing felt normal. it was like being dropped in an a alien planet. it looks familiar but it is not the same. >> we hear that all the time and people that have not been through it, it is striking to hear about that you cannot get back to regular life, did that surprise you? >> yeah, all you think about is all this, people waiting for you and food we love to eat and when you get...