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Are you a robot? If you are, it is pointless saying yes when that answer is going to block you


Bikram Vohra is a humor writer.
You need to get into a website, they ask you if you are a robot. That very question indicates they expect the robot to answer. Now if you are a robot with a wicked bent of mind and you do not mind lying, cheating, stealing (and being occasionally tempted to swipe a fluffy white cotton dressing gown from a hotel room) and breaking robot codes of conduct you say no. Pointless saying yes, I am a robot when that answer is going to block you. So, you have conned the system though no one has ever explained this violent hostility to robots or what dramatic event happens if one of them sneaks past this first barricade. ....

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Beauty queen, drama keen: Winning is so hard and afterwards uneasy lies the head that wears the crown


The writer is a novelist
We only see the pouts and pirouettes, but much grunt work goes on behind the scenes in the beauty business. Pageants are an adrenaline rush not just for the contestants but for audiences too. As the winner gasps, so do we, living vicariously. And while the bikini round, talent displays and the actual coronation are the glam bits, the math turns the stakes high: Contestants are many, the crown only one. With everyone aware of the alluring career opportunities after a win, elimination rounds are nail-biting events. We only have to pick our favourites and cheer from the sidelines, but the contestants are at a crossroads. Having won at the state and national levels, here they are poised to take over the world. Cue dramatic music. ....

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Footbollocks: The MoDidi 'Boro Match' is part of a hoarier tradition


Bachi Karkaria s Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metropolis on Saturday. It now appears on the Edit Page of the Times of India, every Thursday. It takes a sly dig at whatever has inflated political/celebrity egos, and got public knickers in a twist that week. It makes you chuckle, think and marvel at the elasticity of the English language. Bachi Karkaria also writes Giving Gyan in the Mumbai Mirror, and its fellow publications in other cities. It is a shooting-from-the-lip advice column to the lovelorn and otherwise torn, telling them to stop cribbing and start living all in her her branded pithy, witty style. LESS. MORE ....

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Bengal: Final frontier: There is no more compelling reality television than the state's merry-go-round election


Arnab Ray is the author of May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss and The Mine . He blogs at http://greatbong.net and can be followed at @greatbong.
In the IPL you have a player being bought by a franchise, then telling the press that he has always wanted to play for that franchise. Till next year, when he’s let go and picked up by another, and he repeats the exact same line for the next franchise. In reality shows, you have once-stars and wish-I-could-be-stars fighting in a semi-scripted stage, with narratives of broken relationships and personal mistrust adding spice to the often synthetic conflicts. What ratings gold would it be to combine the two, and I’m sure every TV executive has had this idea, and now it has come to fruition, in the form of the Bengal elections. ....

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