[laughter] talk to each other. And he was as american as red, white and blue. You have brought back a symbol, a touch of old american a, the lovable tramp. You do anything to steal a scene, wouldnt you . Thentroducing, the best of red skelton our in color. Well, dont get too close. s classic comedy hour has to be seen in its original color and now, in over for the first time in over 45 years, time life brings it all to you. Never released episodes on 10 dvds. You wont find a better way to entertain your whole family, anytime you like. [laughter] its the first time ive seen this too, right . Hours of hilarious, heartwarming humor. And youll only find it on the red skelton our. I do not know where have been or what i have done but i would not have missed it for the world. [laughter] read only wanted one thing, to make you laugh. Im going to make it. And millie, at millie, you came to the graduation. Pardon me, at millie, at millie, at millie. Sorry, sir, i thought you were at millie. [laughter] just silly. I dont know how about eyes but i know how to make eyes water. It some onions, that make your eyes water. Sendshoot era please get your hands off of me, i am a star. It is pure brilliance. [laughter] children of all ages can enjoy read together and travel back to a gentler, simpler time. We went to see one of those girl shows and boy, do those girls show. You look at them girls youll go stone blind. Im going to risk when i. Oh, that is what that is. You dont understand. This ghost milking a white cow in a blizzard. Jimmy crack corn and i dont care. Who put rubber springs on this thing . [laughter] bread brought stars together to entertain you. Wayne, vincent price, milton burrell. I want to tell you seven, youre just fabulous. You said some of the funniest jokes i will ever use. [laughter] phyllis diller, mickey rooney, tim conway. There you are. [laughter] bring your own tex ito, . Tex ito, ha . [laughter] [applause] but the heart and soul of the show was red, working his own special brand of magic. Im working on this invention , it works, it works. Hello . I will show you some dance steps. Here, here is the billy graham. The billy graham. You are dancing on your heels. That is to save souls. [laughter] dont get me laughing. You will never get out of here. Now there are different types of sneezes. I would like to show you some of those. No first you [laughter] first, you have the society sneeze. [laughter] then you have the nose holder, these guys. [laughter] then you have the Truck Drivers delight. Wait, i better Truck Drivers delight. Here. [laughter] this routine gets a little sloppy. [laughter] [laughter] come on, i want to hear one bird song. All right, one bird call. Wait, wait, wait. What bird is that . That is not a bird. I just happened to see my reflection of me in the lens and i just love me. [laughter] announcer so sit back with the ones you love and relax, knowing youre about to be entertained by the one man who always knew how to make you smile. A chariot. Cornflakes [laughter] announcer back in televisions golden age, not everyone could see gold or red on their tv screens. You ever had your eyes checked . No, i have always had them brown, like they are. [laughter] announcer because not every home had a color television. If you had your color sets at home, you would see that that it is red. So you better go out and get color sets. We are going to throw this clever stuff at you all summer. [laughter] announcer today, time life is offering that very special experience to everyone by rescuing these classic color shows from the vault. I really think you are one of us. Yes, you know, he would probably be a marvelous monster. Yes. The three of us a talent scout should hear about the three of us no movie screen has ever seen a ghastlier sight than we are tonight on the show [laughter] you know, red, i was looking red . George. George. Yes. [applause] [laughter] announcer introducing the red skelton hour in color. This i got to see. [laughter] announcer the sultan of silliness in his funniest shows with the biggest guest stars in one never before released collection. Lovely, darling, beautiful. [laughter] announcer you may think youve have seen the red skelton hour, but you have never seen it like this. Oh, this will be fun. Yes, indeed it will. Announcer red was a brilliant performer, a passionate patriot, and a master of the simple, hilarious, classic comedy you just dont see anymore. Dont be selfish. Why dont you bless everybody . [laughter] announcer with red, every day was a circus, and he was the clown prince. [laughter] ooh. That is refreshing. Announcer he could entertain you without even saying a word. [laughter] announcer now you can let red and his friends entertain you any time you like. What is holding you up there . There are two iron bars. [laughter] announcer time life went back to the vault to find 31 incredible, fullcolor shows, and now they can all be yours on 10 dvds. How much does that thing pay . Announcer for just five payments of 19. 99. Oh, fancy. Fancy that. [laughter] announcer the legendary comedian. He loves me, too. Yes. I told him, i said, listen, this is going to be my second time. I want it to go over great. I said, how far should i stand from the camera so i look good . He said, have you got a car . [laughter] announcer the incredible music. Try to remember the kind of september when life was slow and, oh, so mellow announcer and classic characters. [laughter] you want to know why i am sorry i married your mother . You got me. Thats why i am sorry. [laughter] announcer plus, exclusive extras, including a fulllength biography of red, featuring rare home movies and intimate interviews. I was a little nervous, but he was so enchanting and so charming that i just fell right in with him. Announcer and if you order in the next 18 minutes, you will also receive a free bonus dvd packed with reds farewell specials, like his command performance for real royalty. We are flying 35,000 feet, here, and they start serving drinks right down the aisle. And i said to the priest next to me, i said, are you going to have a drink, father . He said, oh no, too close to the main office. [laughter] announcer but, wait, theres more. You say you want more for your money . Announcer we will also include a beautiful memory book, giving you a closer look at how reds beloved characters came to life. Now the last time we had our picture together it brought me 20 years bad luck. What picture was that . Our wedding picture. [laughter] announcer we are so sure that red will make your family smile that we will ship it to you absolutely free. How sweet it is. [laughter] announcer you will only find this definitive collection here with this exclusive offer, plus your satisfaction is guaranteed. I have just got to tell you, that is one of the funniest skits i have ever seen. Announcer if you do not fall in love with red all over again, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. I get a lot of bargains. I get a lot of bargains. Announcer this is your chance to own the red skelton hour, 11 dvds overflowing with 31 hilarious shows in brilliant color, including exclusive extras, the bonus dvd of farewell specials, and the memory book, for just five easy payments of 19. 99. One detail i forgot to mention. Announcer and we will ship it for free, satisfaction guaranteed. How about that . What ive always wanted. Announcer to experience true red, white, and blue entertainment, you need to see red. So dont miss your chance, order now. I did not want to keep this from you, but billy allie [laughter] all right, if the undertone tittering dont stop, i will clear the hall. [laughter] i dont know if you know this or not, but i am trying to impress maurice evans. [laughter] ah, now i found out who the ringleader is. [laughter] announcer red was quick on his feet. What are you doing . I dont know why im using this. We havent even discovered tobacco yet. [laughter] announcer and he could find the humor in any moment. Planned. This is real beer. [laughter] announcer or unplanned. [laughter] has something been added since rehearsal . [laughter] the padding is over here. [laughter] announcer when red reigned, shows were recorded live, and you never knew what would happen. [laughter] ill look into ill look into youre a card. [laughter] [bell] [bell] i dont like to say this, boys, but the string broke. [bell] [laughter] good heavens, look what i have done. Well no wonder the these producers make such a lousy pictures. Theyre all worn out from the casting. [laughter] well sir, did i speak that line slow enough for you, buddy . [laughter] if i had my nooding needle my kneading noodle i had my nose fixed, now my mouth dont work. I dont know. [laughter] if i had my talk to each other a minute. [laughter] if i had my knitting needles dont give me that line again. [laughter] announcer no one made more hay or got more laughs from an unexpected moment than red. [laughter] for two days in rehearsal, you wouldnt eat. [laughter] and just because you didnt eat, i said take it. It will put a lot of pizzazz and you gotta go out [laughter] you aint got a medal to pin on me, we are engaged. [laughter] [laughter] oh, that was clever. [laughter] listen, please, father, you have got to help me. Look at me, im on my knees. You would never know it. [laughter] let me guess. Oh, oh, oh, oh. He put up a blank card there. [laughter] the cue card boy just held up a blank card. I thought i lost my sense of humor. [laughter] you shall play at your music house tonight. Play at your music house . Yes. Ooh, ill be famous and rich. Yes. I will be able to buy my own candle. [laughter] if we knew you were going to do this, we could have sent the card boy home. You havent read one thing written there yet. [laughter] ohhh. The rock hit my foot. [laughter] [indiscernible] that is mine, too. [laughter] i think we are going to run into a little trouble up here. My flash thing is fogging up, and i cant see the cue card. [laughter] could you bring it a little closer so i can read the card. The [laughter] [applause] thank you, red. [applause] thank you, red. I dont need a card to tell you how much i love you and how nice it has been to be on this program. Thank you, john. Thank you, folks. [applause] [laughter] well, i am getting out of this thing. You are . And i mean the whole show. [laughter] stand up, this is fun. Yeah, i can imagine. A lot of laughs. I have got to go back to the dressing room. I forgot something. What did you forget . I forgot to stay there. Look, we can do it this way. No, no, no. [laughter] announcer introducing the red skelton hour, in color. I hope you folks enjoyed this as much as i did. [laughter] announcer the sultan of silliness in his funniest shows with the biggest guest stars in one never before released collection. Something to adore. Announcer you may think you have seen the red skelton hour, but you have never seen it like this. Let me hear it. I can take it. Announcer red was a brilliant performer, a passionate patriot, and a master of the simple, hilarious, classic comedy you just dont see anymore. I think you are great. I think you are i hear you are going to be on cbs this fall. Yes. I have a friend of mine. I will get to come onto your new show. His name is skelton. [laughter] announcer with red, every day was a circus, and he was the clown prince. [laughter] good heavens. Call a doctor. I think i have got the mumps. [laughter] announcer he could entertain you without even saying a word. [laughter] announcer now you can let red and his friends entertain you anytime you like. He moves without a jerk. Care to join me . [laughter] announcer time life went back to the vault to find 31 incredible, full color shows, and now they can all be yours on 10 dvds. Let me see that. Announcer for just five payments of 19. 99. What a jolly good idea. [laughter] announcer the legendary comedian. Holy smokes, this may be my underwear. [laughter] announcer the incredible music. Youre just too good to be true cant take my eyes off of you announcer and classic characters. Before i give up drinking, i give up drinking. That aint the wine, but its going to have to do. [laughter] announcer plus, exclusive extras, including a fulllength biography of red featuring rare home movies and intimate interviews. He embarrassed me. He said, the reason i am here is because of my pal mickey rooney. Announcer and if you order in the next 11 minutes, you will also receive a free bonus dvd packed with reds farewell specials, like his command performance for real royalty. Get a nice, smooth drink. [laughter] pull on your glass. [laughter] pull on your glass. [laughter] pull on your glass. [laughter] announcer but wait, there is more. Here it comes, folks. [laughter] announcer we will include a beautiful memory book, giving you a closer look at how reds most beloved characters came to life. That bring back any memories to you . Announcer we are so sure that red will make your whole family smile that we will ship it to you absolutely free. It is amazing what you can get away with these days. [laughter] announcer you will only find this definitive collection here with this exclusive offer. Thank you very much. Announcer plus, your satisfaction is guaranteed. Wow. Announcer if you dont fall in love with red all over again, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. I will make things for you. [gunshot] [laughter] how about that . How about that . Announcer this is your chance to own the red skelton hour. Now start all over, we will take it from the top. Announcer 11 dvds overflowing with 31 hilarious shows in brilliant color, including exclusive extras, the bonus dvd of farewell specials, and the memory book, for just five easy payments of 19. 99. What else you got . I tell you what im going to do. Announcer and well ship it for free, satisfaction guaranteed. And dont you forget it. [laughter] announcer to experience true red, white, and blue entertainment, you need to see red, so dont miss your chance. Order now. Thats what i like, a guy that can laugh at himself. [laughter] you have been doing that for years. [laughter] [applause] announcer from vaudeville, to radio, to television, red skelton was a staple of american entertainment. Give me one for my baby, will you . Now here is to you. That i could never understand. They always say, here is to you and drink it themselves. [banging] you cut that, didnt you . [laughter] announcer he was a selfmade man who loved his fans, and his fans loved him. For 20 years of television, i know better than to stand on a stage with americas greatest comedian and try to trade jokes with him. I have been referred to by many as a clown, and i guess this is the first time in my life that one of my dreams have come true, and that was to work with the clown mastery of the master. I know that he is embarrassed, but that is what he is, so i leave the stage for him. [applause] announcer red also loved his country. Little boy little boy why am i blue . With your dear love about me, and my arms about you announcer and helped us bring us together with pride. One of the nicest things that has ever happened in my life is to be able to count on this wonderful man as one of my closest and dearest friends. Thanks a lot, duke. Announcer and dignity. Freddie the freeloader is a little bit of you, a little bit of me, a little bit of all of us, you know. He doesnt ask anybody to provide for him because it would be taking away from you. Announcer he united us in purpose. When a clown belongs to everybody, he has to share his fun with everyone, you see. [laughter] announcer and in laughter. The teacher held up a picture. She said what is this . It is a picture of a deer. What is this . I dont know. What does your mother call your father . He said, that is a louse . [laughter] announcer every king needs his court jester. Hold the wine. Why is a banana never lonesome . Because it hangs around the bunch. [laughter] announcer our heroes turn to red to make them laugh and remind them what it meant to be a true american. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of america. Announcer reds powerful performance touched so Many American hearts, it was read into the congressional record to be preserved forever. I, me, an individual, a committee of one, pledge, dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without selfpity, allegiance, my love, and my devotion to the flag, our standard, old glory, a symbol of freedom. 5, 6, 7, 8. Hold it, buddy. Get your own show if you want to do that. [laughter] announcer introducing the red skelton hour, in color. Oh goodness gracious. [laughter] announcer the sultan of silliness in his funniest shows with the biggest guest stars in one never before released collection. I want your autograph. [laughter] announcer you may think you have seen the red skelton hour, but you have never seen it like this. Look, aint that a dandy. Announcer red was a brilliant performer, a passionate patriot, and a master of the simple, hilarious classic comedy you just dont see anymore. That face, it is back. No, in the front. [laughter] announcer with red every day was a circus, and he was the clown prince. You and i got married, i had a military wedding. Well, there were guns there. You know. [laughter] announcer he could entertain you without even saying a word. Now you can let red and his friends entertain you anytime you like. We are ready for our musical debut. That is debut. [laughter] announcer time life went back to the vault to find 31 incredible, full color shows, and now they can all be yours on 10 dvds yes, yes, yes. For just five payments of 19. 99. Fantastic. Announcer the legendary comedian. You english have a great sense of humor. Everything seems to tickle you. We wear tweed underwear, you know. [laughter] announcer the incredible music. Who is the coolest guy . That is what i ask fast talking, slow walking, goodlooking announcer and classic characters. I give him the old one, three, one, three, one, three. Well, what happened to two . I get that. Announcer plus, exclusive extras, including a fulllength biography of red, featuring rare home movies and intimate interviews. He could feel things very deeply, and he could laugh at himself, too. Announcer and if you order in the next three minutes, youll also receive a free bonus dvd packed with reds farewell specials, like his command performance for real royalty. Girl comes in. He is all beaten up. He says, what happened . He says, oh, youll never believe it. I was flying too low over london, and i got in the damnedest badminton game you ever saw. [laughter] [applause] announcer we will also include a beautiful memory book, giving you a closer look at how reds most beloved characters came to life. It is too good for a fellow like me, much too good. Announcer we are so sure that red will make your whole family smile that we will ship it all to you absolutely free. Thanks for the tips. [laughter] announcer you will only find the definitive collection here with this exclusive offer. Thank you, sir. Announcer plus, your satisfaction is guaranteed. Oh, boy, i tell you i am having fun. Announcer if you dont fall in love with red all over again, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. You like to get your money back . Announcer this is your chance to own the red skelton hour, 11 dvds overflowing with 31 hilarious shows in brilliant color, including exclusive extras, the bonus dvd of farewell specials, and the memory book, for just five easy payments of 19. 99. Keep them coming like that, will you . That is a good one. [laughter] announcer we will ship it for free, satisfaction guaranteed. Now if you folks dont mind, i will take my applause now. [laughter] announcer to experience true red, white, and blue entertainment, you need to see red. So dont miss your chance, order now. [applause] i will try to sum everything up with a little song that ive written. The time has come to say good night my, how time has flied weve had a laugh perhaps a tear and now we hear goodbye i really hate to say good night for times like these are few i wish you love and happiness in everything you do the time has come to say good night and i hope ive made a friend and so well say may god bless until we meet again goodnight for now and may god bless. Goodnight, and thank you. [applause] announcer we will say good night, but not goodbye, with this fullcolor red skelton collection, you and your family can see red anytime you like. Order now. The preceding was a paid advertisement for time life. The preceding was a paid program. The opinions and views the following is a paid program. The opinions and views expressed do not reflect those of bloomberg lp, its affiliates, or its employees. The following is a paid advertisement from time life. Announcer if there was a rule, he broke it. George when youre in someone elses house, and they leave you in the room, any room for a moment, do you look in the drawer . [laughter] george i dont want to steal anything. I just want to know where everything is. In case im asked. Announcer if the word was unspeakable, he spoke it. George theres a lot of these twoway double entendre words that have two meanings. I call them parttime filth. Ass is hardly a bad word. This has a few meanings you cant say on television. Like you said you made a perfect ass of yourself tonight. But you cant say hey, lets go get some [beep]. Announcer but if you think unshockable. George its showtime. Announcer get ready for George Carlin. George a professional comedian. As opposed to the ones he run you run into work all day long. Announcer over five incredible decades, comedy changed its look, changed its sound, and changed everything around us. George visine, do they look that red . [laughter] [applause] george can you hold that for me . Hey, now i need it. Now i need it. [laughter] george now youre under arrest. Announcer through it all, one man was the talking, ranting, raving, voice of the culture. George i call him muhammad ali because thats what he wants. He is a big dude and he hits hard. Government wanted him to change jobs. Government wanted him to kill people. [laughter] [applause] george he thought it over, and he said no, thats where i draw the line. Ill beat them up, but i dont want to kill them. [laughter] and the government told him well, if you dont kill them, we wont let you beat them up. [laughter] announcer from ed sullivan to the very first saturday night live, from dozens of latenight appearances to his incredible 14 hbo specials. George hitler only had one ball. A lot of people dont know that. They say hitler, geez, he had a lot of balls. [laughter] george one. Announcer carlin broke ground and turned comedy on its head. George that is a true oxymoron if i ever heard one. Civil war. Do you think any country could really have a civil war . Say, pardon me. [mimicking gunshots] george im awfully sorry. Announcer now, for the first time ever, you can see it all. Over 30 unique performances covering the hilarious scope of George Carlins brilliant mind and oneofakind career, captured in one complete collection, exclusively from time life. George you know whats great about being a dog . You can [beep] whenever you want. Announcer so hold onto your front row seat, because there are more than seven words you cant say on television. George [beep] [beep] [beep] [beep] announcer but youll hear every one in this outrageous, explosive collection. George it is about the seven words you cant say on television, which i have been amending since then. Folks have been reminding me of others. [laughter] [beep] announcer live, honest, uncensored, and funnier than ever. George the greatest thing since sliced bread. [laughter] george so, this is it, huh folks . The pyramids, for christs sakes. Panama canal, the great wall of china, even a lava lamp. [laughter] to me, is greater than sliced bread. Whats so great about sliced bread . You got a knife, youve got a loaf of bread. Slice the [beep] thing. [laughter] announcer ladies and gentlemen, George Carlin. I used to be this guy, or this guy used to be me. I dont know, we were each other at one time. Announcer in the beginning, george was a freshfaced guy in a tie, making the rounds. Welcome on a wonderful wednesday, winning your way with 100 wacky ways on the radio. Announcer but soon enough, the times were achanging, and so was george. George que pasa . Announcer he traded the tie for a beard and took aim at the establishment. George police fired over the heads of rioters today, however they killed 200 People Living on the second floor. [laughter] announcer while georges star was rising, a little Cable Network called hbo was changing the comedy game. George because of the fcc, im never sure what it is im allowed to say. Announcer on hbo, there is nothing george couldnt say. Their raw and uncensored specials took us inside the club and brought comedy to the masses. George i would like to bring you uptodate on the comedians health sweepstakes. As it stands right now, i lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, 21. [laughter] [applause] george im ahead. However, richard still leads me 10 on burning yourself up. [laughter] announcer but even hbo had to warn us that carlin was special. Tonight you will see a performance usually only seen only if you could get to nightclubs, college campuses, and theaters where George Carlin is a constant sellout. A portion of his performance needs a special introduction, at least for television. Announcer he was going to make us see the world in a whole new way. George if there is a god, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever [beep] things up like this. [applause] announcer over the decades, carlin kept opening up our minds. George we have more words of ways to describe dirty words than we actually have dirty words. That seems strange to me. It seems to indicate someone was awfully interested in these words. They kept referring to them. They called them bad words, dirty, filthy, foul, vile, vulgar, coarse, in poor taste, unseemly, street talk, gutter talk, locker room language, barracks talk, baudy, naughty, saucy, raunchy, rude, crude, lewd, lascivious, indecent, profane, obscene, blue, offcolor, risque, suggestive, cursing, cussing, swearing, and all i can think of was [beep], [beep], and [beep]. Announcer staggering 14 hbo specials. George ats my job, thinking up goofy [beep], every now and then letting you know what it is, or reminding you of things you already know, but forgot to laugh at the first time they happened. Announcer comedians are a dime a dozen, but only one in a million is a legend. This collection is your chance to laugh along with the genius of George Carlin anytime you like. George in our schools, we did not have grades. We did not have as, bs, cs, or ds. The only as i got was i got their attention, their approval, and their approbation, and applause. Those are the only as i wanted and i got them. Announcer the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth has never been funnier. George if you heard one of the albums, you know i once made a list of the seven words you could say on television. But there are seven words you must say on television from time to time, and thats what i have to do now. Well be right back after station identification. I hope youre ready for random anger. Announcer George Carlin was not a fan of advertising. George turn on the [beep] tv announcer but this collection is just too good to keep to ourselves, so we are going to give it to you straight. Ready . Here it goes. George people ought to get what they want once in a while. Announcer introducing the best of George Carlin, exclusively from time life. George i just want some entertainment. Its just the kind of guy i am. Announcer this is the must have comprehensive collection of carlin classics. George got to check it out. Announcer 10 discs featuring all 14 of his legendary hbo specials. George [beep] cable. This has got to be on payperview. [laughter] early appearances on the hollywood palace, the the Jackie Gleason show and the ed sullivan show. George tonights forecast, dark. Announcer hours of bonus content, including carlins one and only mainstream special, the real George Carlin. George i grew up here, really. Announcer a lost company record, sourced from over 40 years of carlins personal cassettes. George speaking from places where people blow cows, let me ask you a question. [laughter] announcer indepth interviews featuring george in conversation with jon stewart, the archive of american television, and himself. George they had to read these words out loud in court. Im just proud of that. Announcer and so much more. George ever notice you cant seem to get laid on thanksgiving . [laughter] all of the old coats are on the bed. Announcer key performances from the most masterful mind in the history of comedy. Pussyfoot, interesting word, a rare female birth defect. No bull, no baloney. 10 discs, all carlin, all for only five payments of 19. 99. George wait until i tell them this. Announcer plus, if you order in the next 10 minutes, we will send you bonus dvds. George have you ever looked at your watch and then you dont know what time it is . [laughter] george so you look again. Announcer totally exclusive. Available for the first time ever, six of georges legendary appearances on the tonight show featuring johnny carson. George the bureau of Indian Affairs has discovered another mohican. Announcer and we will ship it to you absolutely free. George great, isnt this great . Announcer plus, if you order now, we will offer a collecters booklet. With photos, quotes and a big picture look at georges electrifying career. This collection is all the best and only the best, over 30 unique performances totaling 30 hours from five decades. George id like to repeat that, because it sounds vaguely important. Announcer anything we missed . George no cash, no problem. No kidding. Announcer right. This is the collectors carlin, and you cant find it in stores. Only time life can bring it straight to you and your satisfaction is guaranteed. George easy terms, affordable prices, moneyback guarantee. Announcer if you have not laughed yourself silly at the best of George Carlin george i always wanted to work in a delicatessen just so a woman could ask me to give her some tongue. And i would say well, i dont get off until 4 00. And she said well, i dont get off at all. That is why i am looking for some tongue. Announcer well refund 100 of your purchase price, no questions asked. George when you return an item, you put it anywhere you want. Announcer order now to get the best of George Carlin. Over 30 unique performances, including 14 hbo specials, hours of exclusive extras, plus your two bonus dvds of carlin on carson that have never been available before on dvd. That is 12 discs of classic carlin, plus the exclusive collectors booklet all for just five payments of 19. 99. And well ship it for free. George that is a big bunch. Announcer no lies, just laughter. George im here to entertain and inform. Announcer order now. George ill be heading home to you. Yes, some words of fun. Words like flammable. Flammable, inflammable, and noninflammable. [laughter] george why are there three . Does it seem to you as though two words ought to be able to handle that idea . I mean either the thing flamms or it doesnt flamm. [applause] announcer George Carlin was a master of language. Your fascination with language is so apparent. Watching you work watching a is almost like watching a musician. The way you weave words and use language for emphasis. George you look for ways to say to sing at the same time youre talking, going doodoodooo. Its just natural. Announcer whether he was giving us the weather, the news. George food and Drug Administration announced saliva causes stomach cancer. [laughter] [applause] george however, only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. [laughter] announcer or just his views. George i got this moron thing i do, its called thinking. And im not a really Good American because i like to form my own opinion. I dont just roll over when im told to. There are a couple of things about kids you have to remember. First of all, theyre not all cute, ok . If you look at them close, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. Announcer he delivered a handcrafted, Pitch Perfect performance from the ground up. George im a rude dude, but im a real deal. Lean, mean. Rough, tough, hard to blow. I take it slow. I go with the flow. I ride with the tide. I got glide in my stride. Sailing and spinning. I dont snooze so i dont lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy and lunch time is crunch time. Im hanging in. There aint no doubt. And im hanging tough, over and out. [applause] announcer from rehearsals to clubs to latenight. George if you change your plans and alter your plans, youve done the same thing. But if you change your pants and alter your pants, youve done two different things. Announcer when carlin works out a routine in front of an audience, you are seeing greatness taking shape before your eyes. George as long as were talking about minorities arent we . Indirectly . Ok. I have to remember to keep that in. Im getting laughs on the expedition. Announcer these have been painstakingly gathered. And together, they take you inside the brilliant brain of a master comic. George [beep] lance armstrong. [beep] him and his ball and his bike. Who gives a [beep] . I am tired of being told who to admire in this country. [applause] george while youre at it, [beep] tiger woods too [laughter] announcer he called them like he saw them. George are you ready for some fun . They say blondes have more fun. Unfortunately, they also have more vd. Announcer he told it like it is. George the upperclass keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. The middle classes pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. The poor are there to scare the [beep] out of the middle class. [laughter] announcer and he never let anyone shut him up. George if there is a god, may he strike this audience dead. See . Everybodys fine, nobodys hurt. Announcer only George Carlin could make us laugh by telling the truth. George you notice there are not many chinese guys named rusty . [laughter] all over canada they have been asking for us to bring back George Carlin. So, ladies and gentlemen, here is comedy star George Carlin. Announcer introducing the best of George Carlin, presented by time life. George i am, indeed, highly dandy. Announcer this is the musthave, comprehensive collection of carlin classics. George were doing a tape for home consumption. Announcer 10 discs featuring all 14 of his legendary hbo specials. George ever pet a cat lying absolutely flat. Way up in the air. Announcer plus rare clips, including early appearances on the ed sullivan show, the hollywood palace, and the Jackie Gleason show. George usually the Television Day begins with the morning prayer, god willing. Announcer hours of bonus content, including carlins one and only Mainstream Network special, the real George Carlin. George i am from this neighborhood and i used to get over. Announcer indepth interviews, featuring george in conversation with jon stewart, the archive of american television, and himself. George time to get this thing going. Announcer and so much more. George excuse me. [laughter] i dont remember eating that. Announcer all the key performances from the most masterful mind in the history of comedy. George a man in detroit is suing a soup company, claiming a bowl of alphabet soup spelled an obscene message to his wife. [laughter] announcer no bull, no baloney, 10 discs, all carlin, all for five payments of 19. 99. George this is good stuff. Announcer plus, if you order in the next 10 minutes. George 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Announcer well send you two bonus dvds. Totally exclusive and available for the first time ever, six of georges legendary appearances on the tonight show, starring johnny carson. George anyone can do it. Agents and managers can do them now. Im sure somewhere in the world, there is a bear that can do it. And a good one, yeah. Just from being on the show. [laughter] announcer and well ship it all to you absolutely free. Announcer if you order now, we will also include a collectors booklet with photos, quotes, and a look at georges electrifying career. Dont know what you might find in here. Announcer this collection is all the best and only the best, over 30 unique performances totaling 30 hours from across five decades. George what . Announcer anything we missed, george . George and i answered, well, yes, apparently so. Announcer right. This is the collectors carlin, and you wont find them in stores. Only time life can bring them to you, and your satisfaction is guaranteed. George spectacular thing going on there. Announcer if you havent left laughed yourself silly at George Carlin, we will refund 100 of your purchase price, no questions asked. George yes, you get back everything. Announcer so order now to get the best of George Carlin, over 30 unique performances, including all 14 hbo specials, hours of exclusive extras, plus your two bonus dvds of carlin on carson that have never been available on dvd. That is 12 discs of classic carlin, plus the exclusive collectors booklet, all for just five payments of 19. 99. And well ship it for free. George pretty neat deal, huh . Announcer no lies, just laughter. George im willing to put myself at great personal risk for the sake of entertainment. And i have always been willing to put you at risk for a similar reason. Announcer order now. George id like to place an order and id like to pick it up. I can go out on stage . [applause] announcer George Carlin thrilled every audience he stood in front of. But at his heart, he was a comics comic. George it gets my mind thinking. Jon there are two things that comedians of all stripes have in common, basically. One, the belief that someone who is not as funny as they are is doing better than they are. [laughter] jon and two were a cynical bunch. And two, a sincere love for George Carlin and his work. George is different. He writes his own material. I can understand his creativeness. Announcer the generations that came before him were dazzled by him. Jackie if i were asked to describe our next comedian, i would have to say hes the most original in show business. It is great to see new comedians come along, because if there is one thing the world can always use, you know its a smile. And this young fellow is one of the best. Announcer and the generations that followed him all tried to walk in his footsteps. Ive been a fan of georges ever since i first have met him. Boy, is he great now. I first began listening to him in seventh grade. We had gotten a hold of class clown, and man, it was funny and dirty, and great. And we just knew, instinctively, that parents werent going to like this kind of thing. [laughter] my pleasure in listening to george rose every time i hear him, as my respect and admiration for him as a performer and as a person. Announcer george had a sharp mind, a powerful voice, and a huge heart. George my mother, at these intermissions, she would say someone, look at that man over there. Look at the way hes holding his glass. Look at the way he moves his hand. Watch how he holds his cigarette. Hes cultured. He has refinement. You have that. So, im going to get a chance to realize that, for her, in a way. George part of the deal, what happens when you get a pet. You have him for a while, they get old. They go away. [laughter] george its inevitable when you buy the pet. Youre supposed to know it in the pet shop. Its going to end badly. Youre purchasing a small tragedy. [laughter] announcer he loved his pet. He loved his family. And he might not have loved humanity, but he sure loved people. George when youre born in this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. When youre born in america, you are given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks. And i am a notebook guy. Oh, my god. Did you see that . And i watch the freak show and i got my notes and i make up stuff about it, and i talk about the freaks. And the freaks are all human. Theyre like me. Were all the same. Im not better, im not different, i am just a part now. Announcer george could joke about life and death. George im getting old, and its ok, because thanks to our fear of death in this country, i wont have to die. Ill pass away. [applause] george the epitaph id like is, jeez, he was just here a minute ago. Announcer he could keep it light. George im a happy guy. Announcer or go deep into the dark. George religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do. And the invisible man has a list of 10 specific things he doesnt want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place of burning and fire, smoke and torture and anguish, for you to live forever. But he loves you. [laughter] announcer George Carlin had a mind for all times. And anytime he was talking, he was making us laugh. George i have a theory of why people moan at certain jokes. Envy. [laughter] george now im going to lighten up a little bit. Were going to go back to advertising. Announcer george was not a fan of advertising. George here we go again. Announcer but this collection is just too good to keep to ourselves, so were going to give it to you straight. Ready . Here it goes. Introducing the best of George Carlin, exclusively from time life. George you want that now . Announcer this is the must have comprehensive collection of carlin classics. George by any chance did you hear that . Announcer 10 discs, featuring 14 of his legendary hbo specials. George it is hbo time. Announcer plus rare clips, including early appearances on the Jackie Gleason show, the ed sullivan show, and the hollywood palace. George bring your rain dance friday night, weather permitting. Announcer hours of bonus content, including carlins one and only Mainstream Network special, the real George Carlin. A lost comedy record, sourced from over 40 years of carlins personal cassettes. George im going to try this on you. [laughter] announcer indepth interviews featuring george in conversation with jon stewart, the archive of american television, and himself. George ding ding ding. Announcer and so much more. George more fun for me. Announcer all the key performances from the most masterful mind in the history of comedy. George when you are a kid, they threaten you. Wait until your father comes home. Hes going to read you the riot act. Tell him i already read it myself [laughter] and i didnt like it either. I consider it wordy and poorly thought out. Announcer no bull, no baloney. 10 discs. All carlin. All for five payments of 19. 99. George wow. Announcer plus, if you order in the next three minutes, well send you two free bonus dvds, totally exclusive and available for the first time ever, six of georges legendary appearances on the tonight show starring johnny carson. George on the medical front, researchers discovered a new disease which has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect and there is no known cure for it. Fortunately, its confined to new jersey. Announcer and well ship it all to you absolutely free. George im in the car. Announcer well also include a collectors booklet with photos, quotes, and a big picture look at georges electrifying career. This collection is all the best and only the best, over 30 unique performances, totaling 30 hours from across five decades. George hurricanes, they form just off the coast of west africa. They fall off the coast of west africa, they go all the way across the ocean, and they attacked the south. [laughter] announcer anything we missed . George these are my rules. I make them up. Announcer right. This is the collectors carlin, and you wont find it in stores. Only time life can bring it to you and your satisfaction is guaranteed. George quality, value, styles. Announcer if you havent laughed yourself silly at the best of George Carlin, well refund 100 of your purchase price, no questions asked. George a little truth in advertising. Announcer so order now and get the best of George Carlin. Over 30 unique performances, including all 14 hbo specials, hours of exclusive extras. Plus, your two bonus dvds that have never been available on dvd. Thats 12 discs of honest, hilarious, classic carlin, plus the exclusive collectors booklet, all for just five payments of 19. 99. And well ship it for free. George this is the best we can do, folks. This is what we have to offer. Announcer no lie, just laughter. George you wouldnt know it, but some of the things ive said over the years, but i like people. [laughter] announcer order now. George our courteous and knowledgeable Sales Representatives will help you make a selection thats just right for you and just right for your budget. Thanks to you and thanks to everybody who thought this would be a good idea. I know i had some fun. See you on the street, take care now. Announcer its always a good idea to feel the love with the best of George Carlin. [applause] george i love you. [beep] you. Announcer order now. The preceding was a paid advertisement from time life. The preceding was a paid program. The opinions and views expressed do not reflect those of bloomberg lp, its affiliates, or its employees. Announcer the following is a paid program. The opinions and views expressed do not reflect those of bloomberg lp, its affiliates, or its employees. Announcer the following is a paid advertisement from time life. Robin my name is Robin Williams. [laughter] announcer hold onto your hat. Robin for those of you on acid, this is a frisbee. [laughter] announcer the time has come for an epic entertainment event. Its mind blowing. It is jawdropping. And most of all, its genius. Genius. Genius. Genius. Comedic genius. Announcer time life proudly presents a onceinalifetime collection decades in the making. Robin yo its robin. Announcer Robin Williams, comic genius. Robin you are sucked into drinking beer by thinking it is a healthy thing. All these beer commercials usually show manly men doing manly things. Youve just killed a small animal. Its time for a light beer. [laughter] why not have a realistic beer commercial . Whats a realistic thing about beer . Its 5 00 in the morning. You have just [expletive] on a dumpster. Its miller time. [laughter] announcer for years, Robin Williams was the funniest man on earth, the biggest star in comedy, and everywhere robin went, every show he performed, every stage he set foot on, he left us laughing. Robin what jack is trying to say here, is he is so happy to be here, he could drop a log, really. [laughter] announcer and now, for the first time ever, time life has painstakingly gathered over 60 unique performances from across four decades by the most lovable entertainer of our lifetime. Robin male cats have that amazing thing where they are kind of Walking Around going, thats mine. [laughter] robin mine announcer this is the ultimate collection of musthave masterpieces of comedy, spanning robins entire incredible career, hand selected by the people you trust to bring you the best. Robin there is only one animal that can tell you that shes happy and wants to mate. That is coco the silverbacked gorilla. When she saw me, the blueeyed simian, she was intrigued. I said to her trainer, what does that mean . She wants you to tickle her. Ok, i tickle her. She goes then, she goes what does that mean . She wants you to lift your shirt. [laughter] i lift my shirt. She reaches out and grabs both my nipples. [laughter] robin and then a fun thing happened, because my [beep] went, somebody wants to play. Can we go to phrase two . No, do not go to phase two [laughter] robin this is not a human warning, warning. [laughter] robin but part of me went, could be fun. [laughter] announcer we all knew Robin Williams. And we all loved him. But now, youll see robin like youve never seen him before. Robin we look like a before and after commercial. [laughter] robin hi, thanks to this incredible implant, you can become tom cruise. Announcer you will go where he goes, from carson to leno. Robin remember when w used to call himself a compassionate conservative . I always thought it was a weird combination, like a volvo with a gun rack. [laughter] announcer hbo to oprah. Oprah i have to rest up when you come, because you just never know what direction you will take us. [laughter] announcer mork and mindy, to ellen. Robin they go, do you want to eat . [laughter] i know a place that Frank Sinatra had the best pasta ever made, this place. Hold on one moment. [speaking italian] [laughter] [speaking italian] [laughter] [applause] [laughter] [speaking italian] dont worry. I know him. [laughter] announcer on talk shows, award shows. Here to present you with the award for the funniest standup comic. Robin no. Serious . Who do i thank . Nobody its mine [laughter] announcer standup tours, uso tours, and more. Robin you know my baby, you got be the fool [inaudible] announcer so sit back, buckle up, and get ready to take a wild ride through the dazzling, dizzying, delightful mind of a comic genius, starting now. All of us admire the great, fast reflexes of great athletes. For those of us who have not been blessed with your gift, how do you explain the mental reflexes you deploy and are deploying tonight with such awesome speed . Are you thinking faster than the rest of us, what the hell is going on . [laughter] [applause] robin in case you ever go to the soviet union, it is necessary to know this phrase. [speaking russian] why am i under arrest . [laughter] announcer robin was a comic, a rocket, a ball of energy bursting with contagious joy. Robin i would like to start off with something i am very proud of right now. [laughter] i will have to ask these people to move back, though. Announcer from his early years, to the height of his fame, Robin Williams was most at home on the stage. Robin home in san francisco. Back again. Announcer robins standup comedy was a roller coaster ride through his incredible mind, and he never did exactly the same show twice. Robin everyone i have ever known. [laughter] there are people here i have slept with twice. [laughter] announcer you never knew what robin would say or do. Robin you dont need drugs when you have a kid, you are awake, you are paranoid, you smell bad. It is the same thing. Announcer because he never knew what he would say or do. Robin how are you, my friend . What . Thats your old boss . Did you [bleep] him . Sorry. Not an inappropriate question to ask in washington. Announcer but he always loved an audience, and we always loved him right back. Robin, i was just out there enjoying perrier water and was laughing my [bleep] off and i am up here and im wet. Robin i guess you are ready then. [laughter] announcer robins legendary hbo specials captured his lightning in a bottle and preserved it for generations to come. Robin to do hamlet, to be, or what . Announcer these iconic shows span his explosive career from the electrifying beginning, to the masterful peak. Robin the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south is somebody losing a trailer, there is none. Announcer and they are altogether for the first time in this definitive, oneofakind collection. Robin and now, they can invent a sport like golf. Here is my idea. A ball in the gopher hole. You mean like pool . Not with a straight stick, with a little stick. [laughter] the ball goes in the gopher hole. Oh, you mean like croquet . [beep] croquet, i put the hole hundreds of yards away right near the end, i will put a flat piece between the two flags to give you [bleep] hope. I will do this one time. [bleep] no [laughter] as a standup, as a comedian, there was no one finer. You dont remember robins act, you just remember you were there and you watched it, how you remember something where its like 45,000 things just happened. Robin i would like to introduce to you a friend of mine who is a funny human being. But trust me, he is crazy. I worked with him once on stage. He asked me to come up and do improv with him, and i watched him for an hour. Ladies and gentlemen, Robin Williams. Announcer introducing Robin Williams, comic genius, exclusively from timelife. Robin when they say, let there be light, could this be a metaphor for the big bong . The big bong . God sat back and went, wow, do you know what this needs . A lot more stuff. Because up until now, there was not a lot around. And once we had the big bong, we had a total expansion of the universe, and god said, i think i should create a sugary snack. [laughter] announcer this is the comedy event we all have been waiting for. Robin we are having a wonderful here tonight. Can i get an amen right now . Amen. Announcer for the first time ever, one collection captures the full scope of robins unique genius, across decades and across the globe. Robin [speaking french] quebec. Robin ok. So i will talk slower. [speaking french] announcer everywhere he went, he made us laugh. Now, you can own all his most amazing performances to watch again and again. Robin here in california, you have total amnesty, because they know nobody is going to stop themselves to the top of a range rover for a mocha. They walk through your yard like supermodels with hooves. Like, hi. Are these your roses . [laughter] oh my god, a deer fence. [laughter] announcer this is the very best of robin, on 11 dvds for only five payments of 19. 99. Robin you can hear credit cards flying out of their wallets right now. Announcer you will see over 60 unique performances from across four decades, like robins legendary hbo specials. Robin i will show you around. [laughter] announcer and hand selected, fulllength episodes of mork and mindy with introductions from pam dawber. Robin formal introduction. Get down. I am mork, from ork. Na nu na nu . Im mindy mcconnell. [laughter] announcer you will travel the world with robin to watch him dazzle audiences everywhere. Robin chuck, pam, great to see you. [laughter] announcer on carson, leno, ellen, and oprah. Robin dont try this at home. Announcer at awards shows, at home, and overseas. Robin everyone is in desert camo and one guy is in jungle green. I guess he didnt get the memo. Announcer this collection is packed with extras like bloopers, interviews, and more. Check these legs out. Am i french or what . Announcer even when robin was bad, he was always good. Even when he was dirty, your mom would go, he was kind of naughty, but funny. Announcer and now, you can own it all, even the stuff we cant show you on tv. Robin the sensors over there are going i hand you my resignation. Announcer plus, if you order in the next 18 minutes, we will also send you an exclusive bonus dvd just in time for the holidays, the acclaimed hbo documentary, Robin Williams come inside my mind. And if you order now, you will also receive a special Stocking Stuffer from timelife. Robin williams uncensored, full of behindthescenes photos, hilarious quotes, and personal tour notes. Robin i want to read to you from a special book here. It says here, two jews walk into a bar. [laughter] announcer and we will ship it all to you absolutely free. This collection is as unique as robin. It makes a great gift, and you wont find it in stores. Only timelife can bring it straight to you, and your satisfaction is guaranteed. Robin i love when you are standing, but even when you are sitting. Announcer if robin doesnt brighten your day and have you dancing in the aisles, we will refund 100 of your purchase price, no questions asked. Robin thats right, and if you order now, you also get the salad. [laughter] announcer so order now to get Robin Williams comic genius, over 30 hours of stand up, latenight performances of mork and mindy, plus the documentary come inside my mind. That is 12 dvds bursting with comic genius, plus Robin Williams uncensored, all for just five payments of 19. 99, and we will ship it for free. Robin it really sounds great to me. You really should see it. That is right. Announcer this is not your average comedy collection. It is an epic entertainment event, so give yourself the gift of laughter. Order now. Robin you better buy this or i will nail your [bleep] to a tree. I can grant you one wish. I wish to have Robin Williams on my show. Robin that is impossible. He is a big hollywood superstar. He is an Academy Award winner. Are there any other wishes you would have . I would like to be young and beautiful. Robin ok, i will get you Robin Williams. Announcer robins joy was contagious. Everywhere he went, people broke out in smiles and laughter. Robin are you ok . Announcer he quickly became televisions best guest. [cheering and applause] robin dont be afraid. Come on, mr. Camera, we are going crazy. Look. Toys all over the set. Dont be afraid. He just turned on the switch and let him go. Robin can you teach me this . You better hold on. Dont make me come down and get real crazy. Announcer our favorite hosts would do their best jokes when robin dropped by. Were having a pretty good time here with robin. I have laughed so much. Im getting one of those laugh headaches. You gave me a case of your wine. It is very tasty. Robin thats a good thing. Ellen is it your wine . You make it . Robin i dont make it personally. A group of little ladies in australia knit jumpers for penguins. They are for the little ones, you know. They knit these penguins sweaters the penguins wear until their feathers grow back. Thats adorable. Are they, like, tank tops . [laughter] robin a lovely gay jumper. I want something to make my flippers look good. Announcer even other guests got caught up in the madness. [laughter] do women generally like you making those noises . Robin oh, yeah. [laughter] announcer when the unexpected happened both of these are real talent houses. Robin it is the comet again. People of earth. We are back on. We are back on. Robin it is the mothership, jay. Announcer there was no one you would rather have up to bat than robin, especially when he brought a friend. Robin used to scream on the set, hes back hes back he is so hot [laughter] i am like joan embry, and i just brought him out. [laughter] [applause] announcer and when the unexpected was what you expected, robin was right where he belonged. Robin what sound or noise do you love . [fart noise] [laughter] robin because it is musical, but it could be anything. It is the most humanizing noise, to know that even the pope could be going [speaking italian] [fart noise] Robin Williams was the first real celebrity interview i did. Robin came out and he wanted to kill, he wanted to slay the audience. Robin, you felt you were watching a genius at work. Robin take two. Lets go, lets go. Lets start from the beginning. Lets go. Announcer introducing Robin Williams comic genius, exclusively from timelife. Robin in california this summer, all the state parks caught on fire. Which is bad, because these parks are full of weed. It is bad news. Even the guys fighting the fires were like [laughter] oh my god, make another rainbow, tommy. Even smokey the bear is going, only you can [laughter] announcer this is the comedy event we have all been waiting for. Robin the adventure of your life. Remember that, boys and girls. Announcer for the first time ever, one collection captures robins unique genius across decades and across the globe. Robin i would like to take some pictures for the people at home in the soviet union. Excuse me. Thank you. Announcer this is the very best of robin on 11 dvds for only five payments of 19. 99, you will see over 60 unique performances from across four decades, like robins legendary hbo specials. Robin i know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism they send at us, it lies within keith richards. I know that. Hes the only man on the planet who can go, anthrax, alright. [laughter] announcer and hand selected fulllength episodes of mork and mindy with introductions from pam dawber. Robin no, sir. That is not quite right. I am the son of a test tube. Announcer travel the world with robin to watch him dazzle audiences everywhere. Robin everybody is on here. Look at this. Alaska. [seal noise] hawaii. And there is california for sure, totally. Announcer on oprah, ellen, carson, and leno. You guys complement each other. Robin 20 years of foreplay. Announcer on talk shows, award shows, at home and overseas. Robin so nice to be in a place called manass. I come from san francisco. Is there really a place called that . It is a base. Oh, im going. Announcer this collection is packed to the gills with extras like bloopers, interviews, and more. He is like a child with the mind of a genius. Announcer even when robin was bad, he was always good. Robin caliente. [laughter] robin so bad. Raise a hand. Announcer and now you can own it all, even the stuff we cant show you on tv. Robin yes announcer plus, if you order in the next 10 minutes, we will also send you an incredible exclusive bonus dvd, just in time for the holidays, the acclaimed hbo documentary, Robin Williams come inside my mind. Robin [robot voice] its robin. Im calling you, giving you love. Goodbye. Announcer and if you order now, you will receive a special Stocking Stuffer from timelife. Robin merry christmas. Ha ha ha ha. Announcer Robin Williams uncensored, full of behindthescenes photos, hilarious quotes, and personal tour notes. Robin but wait, there is more. Announcer we will ship it to you absolutely free. Robin thanks for nothing. [laughter] announcer this collection is as unique as robin. It makes a great gift, and you wont find it in stores. Only time life can bring it straight to you, and your satisfaction is guaranteed. Robin check it out. Check it out. Announcer if robin doesnt brighten your day and have you dancing in the aisles, we will refund 100 of your purchase price, no questions asked. Robin here is five dollars. Announcer so order now to get Robin Williams comic genius, over 30 hours of stand up, late night, uso performances, mork and mindy, hours of exclusive extras, plus the hbo documentary come inside my mind bonus dvd. That is 12 dvds bursting with comic genius, plus Robin Williams uncensored, all for just five payments of 19. 99, and we will ship it for free. Robin that is cool. That is cool. Announcer this is not your average comedy collection, it is an epic entertainment event. So, give yourself the gift of laughter. Order now. Robin to television, to life, and to happiness. May we all stay crazy. For me, i love to take the chance and improvise. That is the greatest high in the world, when you are trying new stuff and getting suggestions and playing and doing new things, that is my favorite. That is the unknown. Announcer Robin Williams was born with a special gift. Robin my first joke was, i love you in blue, i love you in red, but most of all, i love you in blue. Announcer and for decades, he shared that gift everywhere he went. Robin santa was delivering presence in iraq, but the reindeer are dropping flares out of their [expletive]. [laughter] robin sorry, little girl. She had to go now. Is she ok . No, no, it is ok. She can stay. She thinks i am peter pan . In many ways, i am. [laughter] announcer the legacy of robin is a lot of jokes, a lot of fun, and a whole lot of love. Robin was such a kind soul, he was such a kind soul. Robin i would also like to thank the writers. They are not here right now. They are somewhere else doing wonderful drugs. [laughter] and for those of you at home on drugs, it is ok all the people of the production staff, the people who worked with us, around us, sometimes near us, an Incredible Group of people, thank you very much. Its incredible. I think robin was the most generous person i have ever known, but not just to me, but to lots and lots of people. Robin i am here for one reason. You. I am also here to say, you rock. [cheering] robin if you could save one person, if you could change one person, you have done something. But for me, it is that laugh. You know . Part of dads giving and generous spirit was finding acceptance. Thats the word. It wasnt about the adulation, it was more so about being accepted. That was something that drove him forward and contributed to him continuing to be generous in spirit, and giving and compassionate throughout his entire life, and in so many different ways. Robin i dedicate this to the memory of a friend of mine. Chris reeve, i miss you. And i also say, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, sweet prince. Good night. That need for acceptance. That drove him to continue to do it. Robin that time my son looks at me and gives me the look in the eyes like, what is it going to be . Son, i dont know, but maybe along the way, you will take my hand, tell a few jokes, and have some fun. Hey, how do you get to the met . Money. Yeah, come on, pal. [applause] having listened to everything on this collection, i think it comes as close as humanly possible to bringing robins genius back to life. Robin for those of you at home watching your television set, if you want to feel the power, grab the back of your tv and get a shock. [laughter] announcer introducing Robin Williams, comic genius, exclusively from timelife. Robin what do you want to do, my love . Maybe we can go to that queen gypsy restaurant and ask for our favorite waiter and he will give us a boost near the oyster bar. I would sit by the fireplace, but i know that bums you out very much. [laughter] announcer this is the comedy event we have all been waiting for. That is a lot of fun. Announcer for the first time ever, one collection captures the full scope of robins unique genius across decades and across the globe. Robin si. Announcer everywhere he went, he made us laugh. And now, you can own all his most amazing performances to watch again and again. Robin ling ling the panda, she must mate. So they can build the wing for the zoo. So they go to china and anesthetize a panda, which is kind of redundant, and they bring him back to america, put him in a cage with ling ling and say, go mate, and he looks at her like, that is one ugly panda. [laughter] announcer this is the best of robin on 11 dvds for only five payments of 19. 99. Robin what have you got to lose . Announcer you will see over 60 unique performances from across four decades, like robins legendary hbo specials. Robin maybe they should have a gps that is ageappropriate. It ages with you. Like, there is your turn hello . [laughter] announcer and hand selected, fulllength episodes of mork and mindy with introductions from pam dawber. Pam we were breaking up all the time. We had license to do that. Announcer travel the world with robin to watch him dazzle audiences everywhere. Robin mr. Sinatra, can i just shake your hand . Why not . Robin sell my clothes, i am to heaven. Announcer on leno, carson, oprah, and ellen. Ellen you brought something. Robin he is back here. Aww. And unless you send your money, we are putting him in the microwave. [laughter] announcer on talk shows, award shows, at home, and overseas. Robin be very, very quiet. I am looking for terrorists. Announcer plus, every single dvd in this collection is packed to the gills with extras like bloopers, interviews, and more. Robin yes announcer even when robin was bad, he was always good. Robin they ask me, why do i touch myself . Because it is there. Announcer and now, you can own it all, even the stuff we cant show you on tv. Robin dont try these jokes at home. Announcer plus, if you order in the next three minutes, we will send you an incredible, exclusive bonus dvd justintime for the holidays, the acclaimed hbo documentary, Robin Williams come inside my mind. And if you order now, you will also receive a special Stocking Stuffer from time life. Robin merry christmas, happy hanukkah. Announcer Robin Williams uncensored, full of behindthescenes photos, hilarious quotes, and personal tour notes. Robin mother gave me this so i can write my new book. Announcer and we will ship it all to you absolutely free. This collection is as unique as robin, it makes a great gift, and you wont find it in stores. Only time life can bring it straight to you, and your satisfaction is guaranteed. Robin lord, yes, child. Announcer if robin doesnt brighten your day and have you dancing in the aisles, we will refund 100 of your purchase price, no questions asked. So order now to get Robin Williams comic genius, over 30 hours of standup, latenight, uso performances, mork and mindy, and hours of exclusive extras, plus your bonus dvd of the hbo documentary, come inside my mind. That is 12 dvds bursting with comic genius, plus Robin Williams uncensored, all for just five payments of 19. 99, and we will ship it for free. Robin learn to be funny in your spare time. Announcer this is not your average comedy collection. It is an epic entertainment event, so give yourself the gift of laughter. Order now. Robin which way is the telephone . That way. You are only given a little spark of madness. And if you lose that, you are nothing. Dont from me to you dont ever lose that, because it keeps you alive, because if you lose that that is my only love. Crazy. [applause] announcer so let robin light up your home and your heart. [applause] robin we did it announcer order now. Announcer the preceding was a paid advertisement from time life. Announcer the preceding was a paid program. The opinions and views expressed do not reflect those of bloomberg lp, its affiliates, or its employees. Here, it all starts with a simple. Hello hi how can i help . A data plan for everyone. Everyone . Everyone. Lets send to everyone wifi up there . Uhh. Sure, why not . Howd he get out . a camera might figure it out. That was easy glad i could help. At xfinity, were here to make life simple. Easy. Awesome. So come ask, shop, discover at your local xfinity store today. Announcer the following is a paid program. The opinions and views expressed do not reflect those of bloomberg lp, its affiliates, or its employees. Announcer the following is a paid advertisement for time lifes video collection. Carol hello. I am Carol Burnett, and i am here at cbs in los angeles at studio 33. Come on in. [applause] from Television City in hollywood. [applause] its the Carol Burnett show. Carol this is the stage where it all began. We shot all 11 seasons of my variety show here. We also made some many great memories, but no one has seen the first five seasons of the Carol Burnett show since they were first aired. No reruns, no web streaming, no dvd, nowhere, nothing, zip. Until now. I just got the most exciting news. Time life will be releasing them for everybody to enjoy. They are here in the vault, and i will look at them now. Join me. It was like a gang of friends putting on a show, and it just happened to be seen by millions and millions of people. Carol burnett, take one. Carol hi, this is Carol Burnett. Be sure to watch my first show, when my guests will be vicki lawrence, and my extra special guest, private gomer pyle himself, jim nabors. You havent seen anything yet. Carol do you know who i am . No. Carol in that case, please continue. I am surely dimple. My name is alice fortnite. Is that you, stella . Good evening, your majesty. Now it is time for you to show your talent. So we are [laughter] they accomplished in one hour more songs, more dances, more spoofs, more skits, and more comedy whats the matter with her . What makes you think anything is the matter . Her mouth is not moving. That is not like her. Carol here they are. It is pretty wonderful. Tim conways first appearance is here. And my very first show with my first guest, my buddy, jim neighbors. My heroes were bob hope, bob newhart. I just cant wait to see them. [laughter] who is the midget . [laughter] that is our daughter, mildred junior. Why didnt you tell me we had a child . [laughter] i hate you. Oh, yes. I hate you, i hate your power. [laughter] i will give you savage. Where does it say after the line, savage . My name is jardine. Pardon me, sir. [laughter] welcome to the castle. He is prettier than i am. [laughter] one never knows who is going to come into your life. That is the doorbell. I cant see anyone now, i cant. I just cant. It is a man. Open the door. George mullins. What . You have to hold me so tight . We have to act like a couple on a date. We have to pretend. All right . Right. As long as you keep it on that basis. [laughter] what makes you think it could be anything else . Well. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [applause] carol i am really proud of the first five seasons of my show. And i am really happy to have a chance to share them with you. I have never seen anyone on tv quite like Carol Burnett. She does it all. Sings, acts, dances, she is hilarious and beautiful. She made it look like it is absolutely effortless. Here we go announcer introducing the Carol Burnett show, the lost episodes. A brandnew collection from time life. Its lovely. May i see it . What . Announcer 21 incredible episodes on eight dvds that are truly straight from the vault. Those of you who doubt, can you believe it now . Announcer you may think you have seen the Carol Burnett show. I have nothing to hide. [laughter] announcer you may think you own the complete Carol Burnett show on dvd. Any other gifts . Announcer but you dont have these lost episodes. Where are you . [laughter] announcer now, from the first time, they are all here in one exclusive collection. You heard it here first. [laughter] announcer all the fabulous firsts. Carol welcome to our first show. I am really excited and very happy you are all with us. We have a nice, full group. Can you bump up the lights so i can see . Oh gorgeous. Announcer all the hilarious crackups. Where is he . He is right oh. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [applause] announcer and longlost performances by entertainment legends lucille ball, bob newhart, don rickles, and more. These are the funniest, most dazzling, most memorable moments from the greatest variety show of all time. I didnt know just what life was like, but now i think i do as my belated gift, i give the angel child to you happy birthday nancy bubbles, happy birthday to you announcer and youll get to see them first. But i couldnt what is the matter . Are you choosey . Announcer so call or go online to order the lost episodes for five payments of 19. 99. No, no. No, no. Announcer you will get 21 uncut, original shows that havent been seen since they first aired. I am really quite pleased with what we have done today, arent you . Oh yes. [laughter] you know, marion, i have never painted anyone in the nude before. Really . No, usually i keep my clothes on. [laughter] announcer plus, we will send you two dvds packed with bonus and brandnew exclusive bonus features. You will go on a backstage tour with the original cast. This is the first time i have ever been in this building. Stop it. Announcer see brandnew interviews. When i look back at my very first memories of watching Carol Burnett, it was with my dad watching it and laughing his butt off. I have vague memories of him laughing so hard and me wanting to do whatever that was to make him laugh. Announcer featurettes. You dont have to say you love me, just be close at hand not a good idea for a number. Announcer bloopers. Just a week ago, she was with us, singing and laughing. Shes still laughing. [laughter] but now, shes gone. [laughter] announcer and rare gems from carols early days. Are you still in the entertainment field . [laughter] announcer and thats not all. Call in the next 15 minutes and you will receive a special holiday gift from carol to you. Are you going to wear that Christmas Present i got you . Announcer this free dvd features three of carols hilarious dont forget to use your official Carol Burnett toothbrush. Announcer heartwarming carol this is our christmas show. Announcer never before released christmas show. That is the stuff that makes me go ho ho ho. Announcer and that is not all. You will receive a collectible guestbook with personal notes from carols famous friends and fans. Bill i just wrote in the guestbook, marry me. But, you know, you dont have to. Announcer and we are so convinced you fall in love with the lost episodes, that we will ship it for free. Your satisfaction is guaranteed. If you dont absolutely love the lost episodes, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. But wait, theres more. Call or visit our website for an amazing offer from carol and time life. Carol herself will sign a limited number of the lost episode collections made out to anyone you choose, but you will have to act fast. These vip editions are oneofakind collectors items, and when they are gone, they are gone. Carol i look forward to signing a collection for you soon. Announcer the Carol Burnett show the lost episodes is an incredible value. Brace yourself. [laughter] announcer 21 starstudded episodes, hours of brandnew exclusive extras, plus three free christmas episodes, plus the collectible guestbook, all for five payments of 19. 99. These hands were meant to hold charge cards. Look at that. Perfect. Perfect. Announcer and we will ship it for free. You can only find the lost episodes here, with this exclusive tv offer. Carol just in time for the holidays. Announcer order now. Carol burnett show promo show 21, take one. Carol hi there, im Carol Burnett. In addition to regulars Harvey Corman and others, my guest will be the fabulous, fabulous [stuttering] Dionne Warwick and jonathan winter. [laughter] carol each time, i get goosebumps when i come back to this stage because of the wonderful memories. [laughter] [applause] [laughter] carol why, its canoga falls most lovable buttinski. Come in, mother marcus. Hello, mary. Carol this was my dressing room, and right out here was where the cue card guys were. You must have played a hundred parts in pictures from cleancut college kids to dirty rats i loved you in them all, but the one thing i recall [laughs] [laughter] [applause] carol i saw him running, because he wasnt there with the cards. And he finally got there. Thats terrific. [laughs] oh, thats funny. Queen latifah one of my favorite things to watch about the show was when they would break character. We are going to have a shoot off . A shoot off . A shoot off . A shoot off . A shoot off . [laughter] i cant leave a job halffinished . No, sir. Who said i cant leave a job halffinished . I said. Who are you . My husband right [laughter] how many passes have you made at a bull . Oh, i have made a few, but it is kind of silly. You know, so you get a date with one. Where are you going to take him . [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] it tickles. Steve i can only imagine being there felt like a party. [laughter] i think i love you i think i love you or maybe you will put or maybe you will put me in a sweat or maybe it is something i am [laughter] julie oh my god, i would have never dared to do anything like that. She just went all out. Alan tim conway has the ability to crack you up. Just looking at you. Burt such a riot to do that show. And it was the most fun i have ever had on stage. Hello, lost and found . I would like to report a loss. Announcer introducing the Carol Burnett show the lost episodes. A brandnew collection exclusively from time life. I think i am going to make the jolly green giant say ho, ho, ho. Announcer 21 incredible episodes on eight dvds that are truly straight from the vault. My Blood Pressure just went up. Announcer you may think you have seen the Carol Burnett show. Zip a dee doo dah. Announcer you may think you own the complete show on dvd, but you dont have these lost episodes. And now, the moment the entire universe has been waiting for. Announcer now, for the first time, they are all here in one exclusive collection. Simpson . Yes . Have you started on [laughter] announcer all the fabulous firsts. Here are all the sports scores. 21, 35, and 82. [laughter] the 82 is a final. Announcer all the hilarious crackups. Father, youve got to hide me. Youve got to hide me, father. This is the police. Come out, fingers. We know you are in there. Whatd i tell you . Father, its them. Father, youve got to hide me. Youve got to hide me. [laughter] [knocking on door] weve got to get a new parish, father. Lets pray for it. Announcer and longlost performances by entertainment legends bob hope, sonny and cher, bing crosby, and more. Yeah, she did it. Yeah, honey, she did it. Announcer these are the funniest, most dazzling, most memorable moments from the greatest variety show of all time. Happy when you are near me happy when you hear me announcer and you get to see them first. Happy all the time thats what i am ill make a phone call if you dont mind. Announcer so call or order online to get the lost episodes for five payments of 19. 99. Wonderful. Announcer you will get 21 uncut, original shows that have not been seen since they first aired. Oh my. Announcer plus, we will send you two dvds pact with brandnew and pact with exclusive bonus features. Carol my god, the memories. Announcer you will go on a backstage tour with the original cast. Carol if you wanted to see what cher was wearing on any given night, i said, oh my god, youve got to see chers gown. Heres where wed go. Announcer brandnew interviews and featurettes. Carol was doing her tarzan. Announcer featurettes. Jim i always knew i could be elevated by the skill, the talent, the inventiveness, the originality of the people on the show. Announcer never before seen bloopers. [laughter] announcer and rare gems from carols early days. Announcer plus, call in the next 12 minutes, and you will receive a free special holiday gift from carol to you. I have got something for you. Announcer this free dvd features three of carols hilarious santa, where are you . Hey, there. Announcer heartwarming i have asked jerry to do my favorite christmas come. Announcer never before released christmas shows. Happy new year. Not yet. Announcer and thats not all. You will also receive a collectible guest book with personal notes from carols famous friends and fans. I adore you. Announcer and we are so convinced you will fall in love with the lost episodes, that we will ship it for free. I love it. Love it. Announcer your satisfaction is guaranteed. If you dont absolutely love the lost episodes, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. The Carol Burnett show the lost episodes is an incredible value. You can say that again. Announcer 21 starstudded episodes, hours of brandnew, exclusive extras, plus three free christmas episodes and the collectible guestbook all for just five payments of 19. 99. And, we will ship it for free. No kidding . Yeah. Announcer you can only find the lost episodes here with this exclusive tv offer. Carol just in time for the holidays. Announcer order now. Carol hi there, im Carol Burnett. In addition to our regular gang, harvey, lyle, and vicki, my guest this week is betty grable and my poison, martha reynolds. [laughter] carol i knew i would say that. My paisan. This is a room where during the show, the writers and the producers would sit and watch the show on the monitor and take notes. Especially the first show, the dress rehearsal. And then we would get our notes and improve, we would hope, for the second show at 8 00. Tell me everything that happened. [stuttering] [laughter] you went to the bank . [stuttering] you took the papers out of the vault . Carol hello. Hello. Carol arnie, and buzz, and dale, and kenny. Im really glad we are all here to talk about the lost episodes. These are some of our top writers that we had. You, liebchen . What is your name . See these pans . Lets help little phoebe pans out. That was funny, though. [laughter] what did you say your name was again . Ethel. Ethel mermaid. I am just a gorgeous flamenco dancer at the local cantina. But one who has seen you many times and always admired your bravery. I have seen you many times also, senorita. Ive always admired your castanets. That poor young boy hasnt walked in a year. A week. A week. Did you hear that . A week with a shattered leg . A sprained ankle. A sprained ankle. Phoebe. Dont phoebe mebe. I have got a son inside of me, and it is going to come out. Im with you baby, im with you for me, for me, baby, come out she is so charming, and genuine, and sweet, and very american. It was a very american show. I carry a flag of red, white, and blue. I carry a flag of red, white, and blue that absolutely did it. I am leaving this house, and i am not coming back until the end of the football season. [door slams] in case you missed it, here is the instant replay. [laughter] [applause] it was the best show, variety show i think that was ever on the air. I cant tell you enough about Carol Burnett and her generosity. Julie shes got this quality about her that is adorable. When i drove up here, something jumped out of the bushes and started chasing my carriage and snapping at my wheels. Snapping . Yes. [laughter] announcer introducing the Carol Burnett show the lost episodes, a brandnew collection exclusively from time life. What youre about to see will absolutely amaze you. Announcer 21 incredible episodes on eight dvds that are truly straight from the vaults. This is real hard stuff. [laughter] announcer you may think youve seen the Carol Burnett show. Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy. Announcer you may think you own the complete Carol Burnett show on dvd. The last time you were with a tri tri tri tri you see what happens . You got me so upset, my gums locked. Announcer but you dont have these lost episodes. I came back. I came back. Announcer now, for the first time, they are all here in one exclusive collection. All the fabulous firsts. I am sending you away to sun city. [laughter] announcer all the hilarious crackups. So do you know where that roller is that we had . [laughter] i think i [laughter] [applause] you are going to love living in this building. The neighbors are so helpful. [laughter] announcer and longlost performances by entertainment legends joan rivers, jonathan winter, phyllis diller, and more. You are the girl i met and fell in love with last night. [shrieking] thats right. Announcer these are the funniest, most dazzling, most memorable moments from the greatest variety show of all time. And you will get to see them first. So call or go online to order the lost episodes for five payments of 19. 99. This is so exciting. Announcer you will get 21 uncut, original shows that havent been seen since they first aired. I am torn between good and evil. [laughter] should i choose this young and innocent maiden and a lifetime of sweet matrimony . [applause] or shall i throw away my life for one hour of mad passion . [audience booing] sweetheart . Yes . I will be back in an hour. [laughter] announcer plus, we will send you two dvds packed with brandnew and exclusive bonus features. You will go on a backstage tour with the cast. This was my dressing room. It has been redecorated a lot. Announcer see brandnew interviews. I loved her so much. I was such a fan. Announcer featurettes. What would Julie Andrews do in a spot like this . [laughter] julie unabashed, unashamedly fun. I bet she would sing. Hit it. Announcer never before seen bloopers. [laughter] announcer and rare gems from carols early days. Ive always been shy announcer but call in the next three minutes, and you will receive a free special holiday gift from carol to you. Gather around kids and get real close to the set. Announcer this free dvd features three of carols hilarious merry christmas. Announcer heartwarming, never before released christmas shows. How about that . Isnt that groovy . Announcer and thats not all. You will also receive a collectible guest book with personal notes from carols famous friends and fans. Jack i dont go anywhere without your picture in my back pocket. Announcer and we are so convinced you will fall in love with the lost episodes, that we will ship it for free. Your satisfaction is guaranteed. If you dont absolutely love the lost episodes, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. But wait, theres more. Call or visit our website for an amazing offer from carol and time life. Carol herself will sign a limited number of the lost episode collections made out to anyone you choose. But you will have to act fast. These vip editions are oneofakind collectors items, and when they are gone, they are gone. Carol i look forward to signing a collection for you soon. Announcer the Carol Burnett show the lost episodes is an incredible value. [shrieking] golly announcer 21 starstudded episodes, hours of brandnew exclusive extras, plus three free christmas episodes and the collectible guestbook, all for just five payments of 19. 99. And we will ship it for free. That is a good idea. Announcer you can only find the lost episodes here, with this exclusive tv offer. Just in time for the holidays. Announcer order now. Burt im so glad we had this time together carol just to have a laugh or sing a song burt seems we just got started, and before you know it carol comes the time we have to say so long seeing all these episodes after so many years is such a thrill, and there are so many more. So pull up a chair and lets enjoy these classic longlost shows together. Announcer the preceding has been a paid advertisement time lifes video collection. Announcer the preceding was a paid program. The opinions and views expressed do not reflect those of bloomberg lp, its affiliates, or its employees. Announcer the following is a paid program. Notopinions expressed is expressed those of bloomberg lp or its employees. Announcer the following is a paid advertisement for time lifes video collection. [doorbell rings] . Hi, dean. Hey, hi there. [laughter] bob. [laughter] announcer from the battlefield, to the white house. From hollywood to the heartland. Americas entertainer was bob hope. [applause] bob oh, this room is so dull and depressing tonight
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