You saved the day, okay . Not so fast there, tubby, im just taking care of business. Think hard, elvis, youre not the king of rock and roll. Youre a fat stupid worthless policeman in a small town. Thank you from a fate worse than death oh my god dr. Adams he got a full dose of the stars. With nobody around to say anything. Can you imagine it . A mind emptied by that thing. Wow, what a day i was on tv, and im a hero dont pick your nose, hon godammit, ma i wasnt picking it i love cheesy poofs you love cheesy poofs if we didnt eat cheesy poofs wed be. Lame. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. And thank you for coming out. Wow this is amazing im trevor noah tonight, we have two guests joining us on the show first, one of the democrats who will be leading impeachment hearings this week, congressman jim himes is joining us then you know her from pitch perfect, shes here with a new movie for disney plus Anna Kendrick is here cheers and applause also on tonights episode, dead people are sending texts, gender reveals are getting more dangerous and the billionaire who wants to buy the white house. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Today is veterans day, a day when many take a moment to celebrate heroes who have put their lives on the line to fight for their country. But for those actively serving, another reason to celebrate. The marines are ending their twoyear ban on umbrellas. All marines will be able to carry umbrellas while wearing dress or service uniforms, must be small, black and carried in the left hand to allow for a proper salute. Trevor the marines can now o umbrellas rule for the marines. Makes sense, because if you have an umbrella and youre a marine and it flips inside out youve gone from badass to mr. Bean. No cool there. Imagine brave Heart Holding an umbrella, they can take our lives but if my hair gets wet, it turns into a an afro laughter adding umbrellas will be great tactical thing for the marines because they can mary poppins their way into an airsine. Commander, we are getting attacked or a new nanny, either way, its going to be bad laughter lets move on to the fad sweeping the nation for the last few years, gender reveal parties. Every day theyre getting crazier and crazier. Explosions, alligators, shooting sound waves into a womans belly to see if theres a penis. Its crazy . One gender reveal in texas might have finally gone too far. The excited parents to be on the ground as the plane approaches. A crop dusting plane dropping 350 gallons of pink water, its a girl but minutes later i have a plane crash just north of brian buchanans place. It all goes terribly wrong, crashing into this mangled piece of metal. It was carrying two people but only designed for one. Trevor wow. That seemed more like a pilot reveal party. Guess what, guys . Im actually not a pilot laughter or maybe this was the parents revealing the baby was an accident maybe that was the whole thing. Im actually glad everybody survived because that is wild. Can we agree on something, these gender reveals, you know youve gone too far if your gender reveal planning sam sounds the e as an i. S. I. S. Plot. All right, we need gunpowder and an airplane, thats what we need laughter seriously, its getting out of hand. I remember back in the day when gender reveal just meant some guy in a park would walk up in a trench coat and reveal his gender to you. Those were simpler times. So simple, so simple applause and finally, in technology news, if you got dumped this year because your exsaid you didnt communicate enough, it might not have been your fault. If you received a mysterious text message this week from someone unexpected you are not alone. This happened to a lot of people yesterday. They reported they received messages that appeared to have originally been sent on or around valentines day this year. One person tweeted, so at 2 30 this morning, my phone decided to send a text to my exgirlfriend from nine months ago. She made this really sweet video of us for valentines day. She thought i didnt respond so that led to, among other things, a ruined holiday. So, you know, thats how today is going. laughter trevor man, this story is crazy. Apparently a bunch of Text Messages sent on vanl teens day only got to peoples phones now. Its a huge glitch that affected thousands of people. Nobody knew about it, and now its in the news. And i bet a lot of guys are using this as an excuse. laughter like, wait, wait, you didnt get that giant bouquet and that diamond necklace i texted you . At t, man at t applause but, yeah, a bunch of valentines texts didnt go through, and it successucks. But ill be honest, if your relationship ended over a missed text you dodged a bullet. Texting is supposed to be casual. Its not about an immediate respofnlts old people still send letters in the mail. Dearest gertrude, i cant wait to tap that tight bran muffin of yours, respectfully harold. laughter the craziest part of the story, completely true, is some people got Text Messages from some poem who have since died. Yeah, that has got to be the most awkward booty call ever. Can you imagine, you up . Youre like, are you up . laughter all right, thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to our top story. cheers and applause were now just 357 days away from the 2020 president ial election, and, yet, there are still a ton of democrats in this race. laughter i mean, look at all those faces look at all those faces thdespite the crowded field, another big name is preparing to jump into the race. Lets catch up in the latest developments in our ongoing segment world war d. cheers and applause trevor right now the Democratic Party has an option for everyone. Theres moderates, theres progressives, theres xmen and theres a guy worth 1. 6 billion. But what if 1. 6 billion just isnt rich enough for some voters . Well then those people might be in luck. The democratic race for president heating up this morning, former new york city mayor and billionaire business man Michael Bloomberg filing papers to get in the alabama primary. Bloomberg wants to keep his options open and make sure President Trump is defeated in 2020. His spokesman telling nbc news, mike is increasingly concerned the current field of candidates is not well positioned to do that. I have any reservations about the people running and the way theyre campaigning and the promises theyre making that they cant fulfill and theyre unwillingness to really admit what is possible and what isnt. Trevor yes, Michael Bloomberg, former new york city mayor and worlds richest house elf is on the verge of jumping into the democratic primary because he doesnt think any of the current candidates can beat trump. You have to admit, thats such a billionaire thing to do. If a normal person is worried about someones incompetence, what do we do . We just hope for the best. I dont think this pilot can land the plane. Ill pray and text the family. Hope they get the text before valentines day laugh will have we just have to hope. Meanwhile, a billionaire is, like, i just bought the plane and fired the pilot, now ill land it myself. Do you know how to fly a plane . I can figure it out, im very rich. laughter why do billionaires always do this . Look at bruce wayne, gothams crime is out of control. Instead of complaining, hes, like, alfred, build me a car that shoots grenades, ill just do this myself laughter applause so billionaire Michael Bloomberg may be making a fashionably late entrance into the president ial race and his fellow democrats arent exactly giving him a warm welcome. I think mike is expressing concern about this primary field and he should not have concern. This is a stark difference between someone who can come in and plop down checks and buy ads, i think people will see to it. I think our elections should not be something bought by billionaires. So tonight we say to Michael Bloomberg and other billionaires, sorry, you aint gonna buy this election laughter trevor oh, man i love bernie sanders. He does not mess around. You see that . Hes shutting down bloomberg the way popeyes is going to be shutting down racists sorry you aint gonna buy this spicey stand witch if you say the nword i see what bernie and other democrats are saying, it isnt that he has a popular ground swell of support, its that he has 53 billion to spend. Be that amount with that amount of money, bloomberg could clone different versions of himself dill until he finds the most electable one. How about a tall bloomberg . Or how about a buff bloomberg . What about a black bloomberg . Oh, no now i have to stop and frisk myself laughter and while the democrats are not thrilled that bloomberg has thrown his jockey cap into the ring, theres a republican billionaire who seems very happy about this. There is nobody i would rather run against than little michael. Little michael will fail. Hell spend a lot of money, hes got some really big issues, hes got some personal problems, and hes got a lot of other problems, but i know Michael Bloomberg fairly well, not too well, fairly well, well enough he will not do very well. Trevor i know him not too well, fairly well, not too well, well enough what . cheers and applause what are you doing . You know what . It almost feels like donald trump tries to keep one foot out of the door on every friendship just in case that friend turns out to be a pedophile. I know him well unless hes touching kids, then ive never met him laughter some people may wonder why bloomberg is only joining the race now. He told us many march he definitely wasnt running. So what changed his mind . Well, maybe all he needed was a little push from another member of the. 00001 . Michael bloomberg, we know, taking steps to run for president. Another billionaire reportedly giving him a little push, a little support. Amazons jeff bezos called bloomberg to personally urge him to run. Trevor wow. Jeff bezos told bloomberg to run . You know youre rich when the amazon guy orders something from you thats money applause whatever you think of bloomberg, you have to admit its not a great look for him and jeff bezos to team up on this president ial run. I mean, can you even imagine what it sounds like when two guys with a combined net worth of 160 billion hatch a plan together . Can you just imagine what their phone call is like . The good news is you dont have to imagine because we managed to hack that call. Michael its the zos. Im sick of democrats thinking us bill new years have too much money. Hold on for a second. 3 million sorry, im buying another picasso for my bathroom, its so much softer than toilet paper. Youre right, were not biggipiggybanks. I have to switch from my morning to my evening helicopter. My el bine to tiger is hungry for dodo meat. There you go, wolf gang. This is a big decision, ill let you know my answer as illuminati bowling night. I have to schedule a funeral. Who died . I havent decided yet. maniacal laughter trevor not good, folks. Well be right back cheers and applause vo the flock blindly falls into formation. Flying south for the winter. They never stray from their predetermined path. But this season, a more thrilling journey is calling. Defy the laws of human nature. At the season of audi sales event. That tastes like no other . Start with tradition. Then do your own thing. Use the most demanding grape you can find. Then grow it in three different california regions. Pull out the best of each place push flavor in new directions. And put a bear on the label. Meiomi is a pinot noir crafted like no other, for a taste like no other. Meiomi. Flavor forward. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show my first guest is one of the Top Democrats on the House Intelligence Committee that is leading the impeachment choiry of President Trump and his appearance this weekend on meet the press went viral. My head is only now decombusting with tex change you had with rand paul. Lets be very clear, the president of the United States demanding extorting a vulnerable country to do his political bidding to go after his opponent has nothing to do with joe biden executing the Foreign Policy of the United States or Hillary Clinton who is a private citizen doing Opposition Research on her president ial opponent. Those are radically different things. Trevor please welcome connecticut congressman jim himes. cheers and applause welcome back to the show. The first public impeachment hearings are in a couple of days. The planning of this event, this is going to be huge, have you thought about getting the guy who says lets get ready to rumble have you thought about that . I was working on getting Anna Kendrick to join us. That will improve our ratings. Trevor it is a really, really big moment, not just for congress but america as a whole. Now, as we saw in that clip, you believe that donald trump has done something that is an Impeachable Offense. Many democrats do. In fact more than half the country believes in impeachment. Why do you think this was an Impeachable Offense . Theres two things going on here that are impeachable. Number one is a corrupt abuse of power and thats the different between donald trump that you just saw in that clip ex according to essentially a vulnerable foreign leader. As we speak the ukrainians are fighting the russians, and as he so gracefully put it, we want you to do us a favor, though. And, of course, at the same time, military aid is being held up and a meeting in the white house, which is a big deal for the new president of ukraine, is being held up. That has nothing to do with our Foreign Policy. It has everything to do with the personal political interests of the president of the United States, and i dont care if youre a republican or a democrat, that is not okay. The other piece of this, of course, is we have an ambassador and the American Public is going to hear from her on friday. All three witnesses, dimple mats who are as sharp, patriotic serving under democratic and republican administrations over many years ago, veterans in some cases, who were fired. She was fired because some weird combination of Rudy Giuliani and shady folks in ukraine decide she wasnt on Donald Trumps team and that just cant happen. Trevor you say its not okay and you specifically use the worked extortion. Its interesting because quid pro quo has been the term that everybody is using, but youre not a fan of that phrase. Why . Well, the main reason im not a fan of that phrase is and theres a reason why the republicans who, of course, have been throwing every variety of spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks focused on quid pro quo because quid pro quo system going to hand you a suitcase of money and in exchange youre going to do this for me. Now, by the way, the chief of staff admitted that that existed, ambassador sondland in his revised testimony, after he refreshed his recollection, admitted that there was a quid pro quo. But the point is, if thats all you focus on, you miss the extortion. I mean, its right out of the godfather when somebody in a position of immense power looks at somebody not in a position of immense power and says, i want you to do us a favor, though. Look, the message is not missed. Trevor americas history with open hearings shas shoarntion like with nixon, once the hearings were public, the swell of approval for the procedure soared because the president saw what the president was accused of. People now get their news from different sources. Are you worried it could be one to have the things where hearings are happening but people who watch fox news and people who support trump get information that say, no nothings happening, look the other way, or do you think this will shift the conversation more . The conversation shifted. When the ukraine broke, the numbers in the way americans thought about impeachment changed dramatic clirks almost a 20 swing. Some 49 of the American Public thinks the president should be impeached and removed. Not true before the ukraine thing. That said, and heres what worries me, being elected to the one i hold or senators hold is a profound public trust and not just the president , its to our system, its to the constitution, its to the resiliency of our democracy. And when Lindsey Graham or my republican colleagues do everything they can to make this sound okay, not just the ukraine stuff, this is the first president in history who before the election said he might not recognize the legitimacy of the election, he challenges judges and says the press is the enemy of the people, this erodes the cornerstone of democracy and where are me republican colleagues to say this is not okay . Trevor thanks for being on the show and good luck with the hearing. Congressman simila jim himes, everybody well be right back cheers and applause she wanted to move someplace warm. But he wanted snow for the holidays. So we built a snow globe. Ill get that later. 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Coppertop, new duracell optimum delivers extra life in some devices or extra power in others. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My next guest is an Academy Award and tony nominated actor who stars in doe disneys new christmas comedy noelle. Missed the roof and hit the den fa la la la la la la la lala thank you, santas helpers. Its an example of what goes wrong using outdated technology. Cousin nick crashed shouldnt you call my big brother santa. I just thought since we were family hes santa to you, to everyone, even himself. No, im pretty informal when im alone, just nick. Trevor welcome back to the show. Anna kendrick cheers and applause welcome back to the show. Im so happy to be here. Trevor congratulations on joining what many people believe is going to be the next behemoth in streaming disney plus with a brandnew movie some people say will be the next christmas classic. Yes, im very smart. Trevor yes. Ive made all the right moves. Trevor feels like you have. Even the premise of the movie adorable, darling. Trevor its genius because you play santas daughter but basically the santa gets passed down from generation to generation. Bill haider plays the next santa in line. Trevor right. He disappears because hes nervous he wont do a good job, and i have to what . Go and save christmas. Naturally. laughter why wouldnt i . Why would i get things moving where i didnt have to save christmas . Thats my job. Trevor do you get to meet cool disney, hang out with mickey. Yeah. Trevor is it a secret party mickey hosts . I cant talk about that here. Trevor i shouldnt even have asked. You are doing something amazing in your career now which is not just acting or writing books, not just singing, not just being this allaround performer but you stepped around the camera as an executive producer on your products which has been really exciting. Yeah, its really exciting. Its nice to have a seat at the table and i also feel like, you know, like in so many things in life, its a job that i have felt, frankly, that i have been doing on a lot of projects and i just havent had the title. So its been really, really exciting. Trevor but isnt it weird to be, like when youre acting the director is sort of your boss because youre the actor. Then the director is your boss. But as the e. P. Youre now the directors boss. Yeah. Trevor it would be weird if the director gives you a note. I have been lucky so far where because sometimes you get on a project and two weeks in youre, like, this guys an idiot, like, oh, no, what do i do . But so far anything that i have been a producer on, like, i have just such trust for the director. Trevor i think you should do a fake phone call, if that happens. Actor anna need to speak with producer anna, this is isnt working out with the director. Dont worry, babe, im going to get down there. Youre a star. Youre doing great. Trevor exactly, and you kill the game. Yeah. Trevor do you ever see a world where you wouldnt be in front of the dam ray. Trevor i wouldnt want to see that world. But actors gravitate toward running everything. I could see that. Trevor no, i just said i dont want to see that. laughter i mean, its less kind of Hair Extensions and all that kind of stuff. Trevor that makes sense. That would be a plus. I could wear hoodies again, that kind of thing. Trevor that makes sense. But i really like my job. If anything, i think for a long time i felt like really all i wanted to do was the acting part and i felt like there came a time when i was, like, oh, crap, like, again, like, so many things in life, you realize there arent just grownups in the room, you know, youre the grownup and youre, like, oh, no that means nobody knows what theyre doing, thats such bad news oh, no because it would be great if there were kind of grownups that were more grownup than you are and there arent. Trevor i like the idea that youre saying in the meeting out loud, oh, no, there are no grownups none of you know what youre doing why do i listen to any of you . Trevor that would be amazing. Everything youre doing say mazing. Disney plus is going to be huge just because its disney. I agree. I have made the right move. Trevor youve made all the right moves. The Christmas Movie is coming out, noelle is your charge. Is there anything else you want to tell us about because i just like chatting to you. I did want to say that i hope that the fact that between the scenes that is become like a whole ~bleep thing is something youre happy about and not, like, i have to do bonus interviews now because anna one time came on after in between the scenes and now its like a thing. Trevor youre the only person who refused to listen to me when i said between the scenes is not a thing. So youre welcome. cheers and applause trevor thank you, anna. But i hope thats okay and not just more work for you. Trevor no, its fine. I can tell in your eyes you kind of hate it. Trevor these are happy eyes. These are eyes who enjoy doing more work. No, trevor, no, no, no trevor i guess well do another between the scenes. Noelle premieres november 12th on the new disney plus streaming service. Anna kendrick. Well be right back cheers and applause [alarm bell rings] bang bang, there goes my bang bang, i want my bang bang, i want my bang bang go bang bang there goes my bang bang, go bang bang, there goes my bazooka go bang bang, there goes my bang bang, i want my mind blown, i want my mind blown go bang bang, there goes my bazooka thats why Xfinity Mobile lets you design your own data. You can share 1, 3, or 10 gigs of data between lines. Mix in lines of unlimited, and switch it up at anytime. All with millions of secure wifi hotspots. And the best lte everywhere else. Its a different kind of Wireless Network designed to save you money. Switch and save up to four hundred dollars a year on your wireless bill. And save even more when you bring your own phone and upgraded your network. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Click, call or visit a store today. Lower carbs. Lower calories. Higher expectations. The light beer youve been waiting for has arrived. Corona premier. Has arrived. Im truly amazed at the effect thathank you, bob ple. mom vo its easy to shrink into your own little world. Especially these days. dad i think its here. mom vo especially at this age. big sis where are we going . mom vo its a big, beautiful world out there. little sis whoa. big sis wow. See that . mom vo sometimes you just need a little help seeing it. vo the threerow subaru ascent. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Subpoena cheers and applause trevor thats our show. Thanks for tuning in. But first, here it is. Your moment of zen. The rare celestial phenomenon is happening this morning. 7 35, mercury will pass from one side of the sun