With. You can do so with a comment or the chat section. The Common Office and thoroughly suspended for an inperson events but to keep you informed during the pandemic we are running full speed ahead with a live online programs. Most of the programs are currently open to the public so we ask that you donate to help us continue our work. She resigned over the Campaign Staffer was published so the book is aptly titled she will rise. If you would like to ask her a question to ask in the chat are in the comments. Thank you for joining us. Thank you. Host you flipped a long time republican district. I know that very well i grew up there for part of my life. So to say you are a longshot candidate is an understatement. What is it meant to run and when . To start off i never planned on becoming a politician. I was working in the Nonprofit Sector working with the homeless the largest Homeless Services provider in the state of california. I was so passionate about this issue. But when donald trump juan it became so clear what we were fighting for was at risk and i needed to do something more. So that i could get involved in the midterm because my a district was so conservative i didnt even know it was on the table to be flipped and then it was one of the most important ones. So i thought i would try to get involved in the campaign and its so exciting. And the one that was most likely is to run i also wanted to support a woman. That we have to get the right person and finally somebody said why dont you run . At first i laughed and then i thought about it and said if donald trump can run for president and when then why cant i run for congress . So i was running, 29 years ol old, never did debate or model United Nations that people do going into politics. I knew that i had lived a life so i tried to be upfront about that during my candidacy the people elected me it was because i was human and representative of their own experiences and the things they have been through. It was such a longshot campaign it started off with just me and my family and friends and it grew and started off those who had all the labor support and build it as a grassroots effort to rally around the idea of those who are in it for the right reasons not for power or money or anything else. You are open about who you were and your sexuality and had gone on a gun owner , you are just letting people know this is what you get when you get me and people responded to that. And reading your book is very clear you want other women to realize they can have that story of those that appreciate that. And what became clear in terms of read on reading that you are concerned that it would dissuade other women and then saying that you should do it. And now how you do not let it hold you keep you down. You actually tried to slip from your husband. At that point i talk about this a lot in the book but he told me if i left he would ruin me and important context for people who dont know my story i got into a relationship with my husband when i was 16 years old after sexual assaults and the relationship started off that i want my experience to be a warning that younger women can learn from the red flags that can happen i wish i was aware of earlier on. It was an abusive relationship and i knew i needed to get out of. And it got worse and worse as it became more and more of a possibility i would be elected and he was losing control over me. Is that i have to get out of this. He said he would ruin me one month before the election. After i want and was sworn in and coming into my own, i would stay in washington dc every time i would have to come back to stay at my house i was afraid, i would have anxiety four days and i had to get out so i came with my dad and i left for real ultimately he made good on that threat that hed did everything he could to ruin me. And how they can be human for whatever they have done in the past or to keep them from running from office because my case is convoluted for a number of reasons i wasnt a completely innocent victim i did have a relationship with a staffer and there are important differences how that came to be but i take responsibility thats one of the biggest reasons i dont want to be the person who is asking us to make an exception. So i talked to a woman just today that she was the executive director of the democratic part party. She had a you on a new damage and talked about she was on the trajectory to try to run for something shes afraid it would come back out if she does decide to run. That the crime was committed against you. You dont have a liability. You have the opportunity to say if this happened to me it shouldnt be something that holds other women back. Rather than anybody letting that used against you before everything broke down. And he sent the nude photos to have a journalistic publication. That this is another piece that we should talk about but im guessing that wasnt the first thing that you felt that you dont deserve this and its a criminal act being done to use. The first thing i felt was fear and he did exactly what i was afraid of. I thought that i had escaped and had gotten out from under his control. That he use this as a way in conjunction with my political enemies and right wing media and had the ability not just to ruin my life and those that were even more innocent than i was. Those who felt represented by me and counting on the representation and the effect of that is longstanding and i hope the work i do from here balances that out to make up for what happens when we lost the seat back to the republicans. There are so many thoughts going through your mind. It was this thing im so afraid of has actually happened. Host you talk about your meeting someone for the first time or sitting down at a meeting do you still think that . Yes. Part of my recovery or development over the last nine months has been coming to terms with accepting the reality there is a high likelihood they have seen those images or parts of them or certainly they know about them or the contents of them. So that is part of my history now and in part of the one thing that defines me i would like to get to the point where its a small part but that is definitely something how you would overcome that any oppression you need to make on somebody while maintaining your confidence and what else you try to convey in the moment. It wasnt the journalistic entity if that gets out they are put out on social media but that is the way if you go through journalistic entity somebody has to make a decision that you have to publish these at this persons life should be affected to the extent that publishing such photos would. That people do need to step back and think about whether or not if this would have happened to a man. You are very clear about this new say they wouldnt have published these at this was a man. It wouldnt have been sensationalized. And i thought so much about this and i cant quite put my finger on what it is. And this sensational elicitation and the sexualization of younger women and by women and the fact i was in the relationship with another woman was part of it. And i really do think the journalistic standards, the choices made were troubling and those publications need to be held accountable. Not only was a choice made to publish them but its a crime they were distributed in the first place but they were circulated among a lot of different people before that decision was made. We are pursuing our options was civil liability around that but we are trying to be careful because it is a precedent. It will be something that i do feel a lot of responsibility for because this will happen. Women have nude photos they took themselves are sent to people with the expectation of confidentiality. So it is a horrifically common occurrence so to be in positions of power its the medi media, political enemies the vindictive asked thinks this can be used to take you down and its even more of a problem. I feel its our responsibility and omission of mine to stop that from happening. Going after the daily mail is part of that. One of the justifications is that you had an affair with a Campaign Staffer. I was struck by something that you had said that really it goes to the other extreme to hold people accountable for any transgression whatsoever just to achieve some balance so to talk about that it made me wonder to some extent if you felt it was appropriate to resign for that or even if you feel the situation that me two tries to tackle goes too far . The situation me to was trying to tackle is hard. We are in a real moment of transition. My election is reflective of that and so is my resignation. So the relationship with the woman in question started before metoo blew up it was in 2017. This is not an excuse but at the time it was a longshot saying i was in charge of a Larger Organization will never would have considered to have a relationship with a colleague let alone a subordinate but something about the campaign i guess my judgment i dont know the word may be jeopardized but its the employer position. But you still have to be held responsible as we trying to figure out what do we want and what is right and wrong how we are treated in the workplace and look at that as the marker of one metoo became the nation my conversation that it is. And there are different label of what is now acceptable and that wrapping our heads around it. So i think that something and that i have had young man who have said before metoo when this was normal watching v on movies from the early 2000s like the way they grow people and that we were expected to laugh at it. How do we want people to make amends . We want people to change their behavior and then change moving forward . I dont think we have answer that fully. Host there are some gray areas. At the time he resigned i want you to talk about that you had accomplish things and you are seen as a rising star. Somebody given positions of influence to do things. So talk about your experience as a Congress Member so people can understand what it is you are saying with one worth the potential exposure. So with this wave of young people and women in particular elected in 2018 it truly felt like we hit a rock bottom with a wakeup call to see Hillary Clinton at so many of us to be the most qualified you can possibly be and a great president and then beaten by a person we couldnt even imagine now weve seen three years of that so it felt like we can come out of this whole that we are in and start to address the massage any and it will take a lot of work but ultimately we can get there. A lot of us got there probably a little bit more expectation than what is possible you know in the back of your head with a Republican Senate and donald trump as president the house can only do so much. But coming from the purple districts had some hope with a bipartisanship and that hope was dashed quickly. But it felt like a moment of excitement and people who have never run for office but in response to the feeling of political discontent in the system as a whole that it wasnt working for regular people. So that energy moved into what we are doing in the freshman class and that we can pass hr one as the first piece of major legislation and returning power to the people , its a change making moment even into the next congress and in a Democratic Senate that you could feel that possibility of change and the front of the moment when generational change was happening. It wasnt like the old way. And as freshmen elected to leadership i felt i was one of the two people. Are you completely at peace with your decision to resign . No. Is something that i would grapple with. It wasnt the right decision when i have made that same decision if i were more experienced or be in the public eye for longer . If the divorce wasnt so raw or my relationship wasnt such a factor. The relationship had come out but not the photos or vice versa what would my response have been . The moment i felt where i made the wrong call was when we lost the see in the special election. Because i feel something naive on my part i didnt believe that was possible. We want by nine points i felt the district had changed and was clearly sending a message that we didnt want to republican representing us anymore. I didnt even think it was a possibility to have that risk slipping back into republican control. There are number of things that contributed to that and i hope that changes in november about that night when we got the results i thought i totally screwed this up in a should have stayed. And then you get the hate mail how dare you and i had to grapple with that responsibility. And then i think about im hopeful we do change control of the senate and joe biden in Kamala Harris make it into the white house and i think the possibility of leadership is needed for our representatives in congress and how critical it is we get the bills passed that we are pushing for the last congress. I have a sense of what could i be doing . Could my skills be more effective there than from the outside . And then the reconciliation i have to make is i have to make it worthwhile and means something and use my voice and my relationships and the things i have learned throughout the process to influence from the outside and i learned a lot about washington and how important that is why im hopeful but certainly there are times i know when the swearing in happens from the next congress , i hope to be there because once you are a member you have lifetime access to the floor. I hope to congratulate the people that are there to maintain my relationships but yes it will hurt not be one of them. It still blows my mind this assignment ago. It really hasnt been that long that you get questions from audience members so how do you think we can resolve . That we have to encourage development but it needs to be strategic so one of the things that happen the most i will use San Francisco as an example because it is so clear that if youre not saying part of that building is to be part or all low or middle income but not the wealthiest then prices will continue to skyrocket. And actually i think of it 19 is a wonderful opportunity to rethink work we may not need to be concentrated in the city center. Look at what were doing now. More people are realizing their jobs do not have to be done in person. I am hopeful in terms of the longterm to see people move to places like North Carolina and midwest and go back to where they came from because you had to come from l. A. Or new york for an opportunity but maybe now you can have those careers and do so from these communities that were abandoned and that will turn those states blue als also. But if we can disburse people then that makes a huge ease on housing burdens with an opportunity i think any policymaker has figured out yet we dont know the longterm impact and what it will be but we need investment in people that will prioritize and what everything is people needs to remember is the power of local elections the most impactful policies as far as housing goes is the city state and county level not necessarily at the federal level we want them to prioritize and find that but its the local leadership to make the biggest impact. Its a longterm problem and we will see homelessness continue to increase. And the consequences will be pretty dire and are not recognized fully yet. Host do you have any advice for young folks who are hoping to enter or be more involved in politics . That is where you channel what i could do now that you have your decision. Yes. Talking about young peopl people, maybe young women separately but with young peopl people, and a generation of millennials plus the next and generation z already starting to get into power, we dont have a choice anymore there isnt an option maybe we will get involved. Maybe i should care. The crisis is right now. In california we have seen record high temperatures day after day enable the communities our own state to be in the next ten years. Our generation is not just going to have to deal with it down the road but now and at a basic level we know we cant address these things if we dont have policymakers who get it. Find your way to get involved. Not everybody has to run but to get involved in a campaign and local policy or housing or whatever it is you are passionate about lgbt issues but find your issue and say i will make an impact on the community because you cant just wait around for somebody else to do it. There is nobody else its our moment to take responsibility for and we have to. When you realize it is a mandate it makes it more empowering. If its not a mandate then its easier to go away. The whole thing was terrible i just want to move on and do Something Else maybe go back into housing policy. But it is your responsibility and obligation and duty to our country and world and you will find a way to grapple through i it. With women in abusive relationships and how they escape during coalbed the situation for survivors are actually women or men and has become such a difficult time with shelter in place so any thoughts on that . We listed out resources this is totally free and she will rise. Com with Key Resources for different situations including Domestic Violence that is a national Domestic Violence how hotline just to be able to use as a resource without buying the book. But what they do at the national Domestic Violence hotline, as if im talking to a victim but to develop the escape plan and what you need to think through to get out of this situation. Its incredibly difficult so the income has been totally affected and their abusers are not the way that they used to be and trying to create a plan is very difficult. So there are resources out there and people that can help there are not enough shelters or support systems they are under resourced and underfunded but they do exist and going to one of the sites are the hotlines that specialize can create the individual plan how to handle your situation. When did you realize you were in and abusive relationship . What did you have to overcome to realize that was Domestic Violence . This is what happens with so many women that when you are in a relationship like thi this, especially control not necessarily punched in the face but other forms, the gas lighting that happens and the psychological manipulation really you internalize that you think everything is your fault and you are the person who has a problem and a bad partner and who deserves whatever punishment youre getting. And working through that there is a major denial element and i know that i did the seven friends or family members said this doesnt look right or look like a healthy relationship, i would get upset and get mad and stop talking to them. It took it to escalate to a point for me not to be able to deny it and also recognizing in the campaign to internalize my own power to say wait. This isnt how it should be if i saw this and somebody else i would not say this is okay. I have done a lot of therapy. Was working with other a therapist during all of this. But its still hard to wrap your head around what was abusive and what wasnt and thats why i write about it in a whole chapter that are not as obvious as what we typically thought Domestic Violence of physical abuse. Do you still feel you are unpacking that psychological impact it was the weirdest time like the relationship. The way your selfconfidence has been impacted even the decision to resign how much of that was affected so long i have internalize things are my fault that i did not deserve to be there in the first place that i was found out for being the person i know tricking people because this is the stuff that he said and the repetitive Emotional Abuse behind it that i convinced everybody else that was Something Else and i was Something Else. When you are barraged by the photos and everything around i it, and that imposters syndrome that we all feel , that absolutely did have an impact to feel allies should have stuck it out. I have therapy tomorrow i know i will be unpacking on a weekly basis with family and friends and i anticipate dealing with for years to come. Do you see yourself entering politics . I never want to say never. I know how it ended appear in the first place. But i do have a responsibility to figure out from politics to encourage other people and those that have a voice that i dont or to deserve an opportunity to be elevated to support in some capacity. I know i might find a point that the biggest them point on impact could be that way but also might not be especially now having more and more conversations with representation of people of color women of color are the least represented. So im thinking of being a white woman is different than a woman of color especially in california that is so diverse. Should i even . That is also something that is unique to women that men dont stop to say do i have to be the one . We will see. But i do not see it in the immediate future. Host this reminded me of falwell and the first reaction was to write a letter to say his wife is sorry for what she did. [laughter] that whole situation is so weak. [laughter] they give for your courage and honesty i learned about you from the documentary have you seen it . We need more transparency like this. Yes. I assume youre talking about the initial one that followed my campaign and yes i definitely saw that. They also did a followup recently with me that was supposed resignation thing that was shorter. I decided to do it in the first place against all recommendations of consultants was because people do need to see how campaigns work and with that political processes like. It once people are elected and we see the impact of this generational change that aco doesnt just the other day on instagram she broke down how she prepares for hearings. That is the kind of thing we need to know how to change the system or feel that it is working are representing us. So im excited about the fact there are more people that are willing to pull back the curtai curtain. Some people might have seen on hbo documentary called the swam swamp. I had a brief scene in there. And despite everything wrong with matt gates and his position the fact that he can let people see what so many politicians hide is how we do change the system. Host for someone who came out and supported you going through everything you are going throug through, how can the media improve political discourse without women and minorities feeling encouraged to run for office . You are just talking about encouraging women of color. Im glad when they asked this question because so much comes from centering and reflecting and the more that people can see that the stories that are being told with radios and live shows that would be my answer. I agree to watch and monitor themselves for when they engage in the gender commentary so for example when Kamala Harris discusses leading up to her nomination with vp that people talked about her being too ambitious. I think we really did a bad job of that in 2016 with the focus on Hillary Clinton that credence given to any nonsense that he said versus she was ripped apart for everything that needs to be closely followed and i think were doing a better job this time around. But there is still a long way to go. Host young people seem so disillusioned having to vote for biden so how do we validate that while encouraging them to vote . I have two things to say. First, very bluntly, come on. We have to get rid of trump. This is the option. Get over it. Thats i would say to my sister thats what i said to her with hillary before but this time around she is already there. That more on the acknowledgment side that where we see the most important changes happening are the representation at the smaller levels. The house of representatives is where you will see change first and use will see that. But the house is the place we have to get that diversity happening there. Not that we shouldnt fight for it to be higher but before we could reasonably expect for our values to be reflected of is not even reflected from her own communities including the most blue progressive regions , if you dont have an incredibly progressive representative they are then we will not get it for the entire country. This is where young people can say i am for all of these super productive appalled on policies at every level and then if you dont like the incumbent is as not progressive enough and to push things further than thats where you change things over. In the meantime and then we still accomplish and pass all of the bills that are historic and that people pay and with the equality act and hr one all of the things that are passed that cannot even go anywhere if we dont have trump out of office. And thats why its important to get him out of the white house. Its okay but i really would say this. And then the Democratic Values we are fighting for and that gives us the opportunity to create changes at the congressional level. If people were enthusiastic and involved in politics in 2022 as they were president ial politics then you can change things entirely. Host how do we change so when then who are entering are not subjected to their sexual lives . I wish i had the answer to that. Its a matter of us all calling it out to say this is not acceptable. And we should be embracing at least not caring and thats what the situation was complicated because it cost over into a part we considered not unethical not be for what i did public life its easier yes i slept around i did porn or whatever it is before absolutely should not be judged those are just the experiences so many of us have that are not reflected currently or just have been hidden our elected officials forever especially men have done all kinds of kinky stuff it just hasnt been exposed. But now with social media and the fascination of womens sexuality is being sensationalized and we have to call it out. You got your career from social services how does that Congress Members impact their constituents how does your career affect your tenure . That such a great question. When young people ask me what they should do if they want to run for office or be involved in politics, i say work in a nonprofit. Major whatever you thank you have an interest. Doesnt have to be political science. It doesnt have to be law school do something that addresses the issues you are passionate about you will learn the skills that your goal. The truth is, you need a broad set of experience my roommate was a nurse but also on the policy side so she has a framework for the things she can work on that i never would have in any lawyer who has that typical background you would expect from a politician or businessman they do not have and teachers teacher of the year a couple of years ago she was on the education and Workforce Committee that if you havent been a teacher than a policymaker never with think of. I know i didnt when it came to housing from Mental Health and areas that were a blank space that elected officials might care but not in that deep and personal way. But also a different form of governance in a nonprofit secto sector, you know what it takes to collaborate in looking at human value in a different way. And you take a trajectory and i dont mean to be picking on lawyers but it is such a typical pathway for politics , theyve never managed people. Thats not part of becoming a lawyer. You can argue and come up with law and read law but to oversee people and being a leader is a piece that is often missed. I hope to see more of the divers backgrounds. I guess you have been watching the rnc . I have been seeing on twitter mainly what is happening i have not tuned and myself. Talking about how california is what you dont. They hate us. Host get your reaction to that you are back in california right now. Can you put that into perspective . One out of seven americans are from california. Thats a huge number it is massive. Most of us like it here. There is a reason so many of us move here and came here and not just because the weather which helps its a great place to live and the policies that are enacted by the democrats in control. And because of the urban settings those challenges that are unique to communities like ours. But you have never lived here. And thats my reaction. I feel im living in dc now and its hard to be back home with everything thats happened in my life and i wanted to have some space but i will be and always will be a californian and most i know are as well. Host how do you navigate inspiration during these Uncertain Times . Thats a good question. You have to look for it in any way you can find it and in the daytoday actions like the frontline workers, the people who are sacrificing their own health and safety to take care of the rest of us. And even the protesters. I was in dc the night that trump called in the national guard. So that night i decided i have to go out and that was the moment that compelled me to join the protest. But seeing these young people willing to risk everything even to risk their lives is inspiring and the fact we have these nurses and healthcare professionals. My mom is a nurse and is in charge of a large hospital in l. A. County. Shes a health supervisor. And because of coalbed they cannot have visitors right now. They are on their own. The only ones they have are the nurses and the only leak that the family have to their loved ones are through the nurses. Its incredibly hard extra burden to be saddled with. My mom lost her son seven months ago if thats not inspiring i dont know what is. Host the last question i need to make sure i get this right. What is your 62nd idea to change the world . It is a message in my book that i say over and over. It is to elect women up and down the ballot, make it a priority. Dont tap into the notion it is identity politics. Now. We should elect them because they are women and their diversity and we will not get true quality without equal representation. Right now everybody is right around 25 percent held by women. That means we are off first off in afghanistan and uganda and all the places that we are more democratically advance we get we dont even have basic representation handled. That is the thing. We will change the world if we elect more women. And coe libraries lgbtq initiative. Welcome to journeys and the worlds frontiers. Mark is joining us from his hometown in south africa in his book is an exploration of how conversations around sexual