Astros. Dodgers won the first game last night. It was the hottest World Series Game ever, 103 degrees. I was at the game. They didnt have to cook the dodger dogs, thats how hot it was. So last night we taped the show early. So cleto and cletos dad and my dad and guillermo and my son kevin could go to the game. My dads a big dodgers fan. The cletos and guillermo are too. Its the world series, we wanted to go, even though we have work. The game starts at 5 00. And its already 5 30. But we figure well be there by the top of the third. Thats what we keep saying, top of the third. Everybody get in the car, we put the game on the radio, it was a. M. Radio, i wasnt sure i had it but we found it, put the address in ways. We start the journey to Dodger Stadium which is a nightmare even when its not rush hour but it was rush hour. Going was slow. We listen to the game on the radio. Its already the third ining when we get to the car, which is surprising because the games only been going a half hour. Already we know we will not be there by the top of the third inning. Not only that, this game is flying by. Every other batter swinging at the first pitch. Clayton kershaw mowing through the astro lineup. One down, two down, evidence the inning. One down, two down now we start reestimating what inning we might get there. Now were thinking bottom fourth, right . But this game, its like you know the youtube setting where everybody plays at double speed . Its like that. The games going as fast as the traffic isnt. We are bumper to burper. For an hour. Im telling myself, relax, theres nothing you can do. But i am not relaxed at all. The games flying by and we dont even make it into the dodgers parking lot until the bottom of the fifth inning. Games now more than half over and were still in the car. We have a parking pass for lot g, we get get in, we dump the car in z99 us in and start hiking to the stadium. Then we run into a fence which we had to climb over. Then we run into another fence. It was like donald trump had built a wall just to keep us out of the game. [ laughter ] finally wet in the stadium and its hot. Were under the overhang and were sweating from the hike but we dont want to get up and get drinks because we already missed most of the game. We sit down. One inning, two innings, game over, just ends. Dodgers win. This was the shortest World Series Game since 1992. The whole game from start to finish lasted 2 58. 2 28. The blade runner movie was longer than that. The average baseball game goes for like a month, they go on and on. This one was shorter than an olsen twip. [ laughter ] we were there 40 minutes. Then it took us 50 minutes just to get out of the parking lot. Not even and somebody rearended me while we were in the parking lot. I didnt even get out of the car to check the damage, like to hell with it, who cares. So tonight wore going to watch the game on tv, all right . [ cheers and applause ] we did have fun, right . Did we have fun . Guillermo yeah, we had a great time, yeah. Jimmy check this, by the way, they say the average ticket if you bought it from a broker was 1,300 for a ticket last night. But dodgers fans, contrary to popular perception, are hardcore as are local kcal news team helped to illustrate. Sold my car for this. You sold your car . I sold my 64 lincoln for this. Paid with a credit card, single mom with three kids and my kids say, mom, you have to go, pay with credit card. I have to go jimmy kids just wanted her out of the house for a few hours sounds like to me. This is good, this is how another dodgers fan managed to get a two 4 one deal. Did he have to pay full price to come in . No because hes a lap sitter. As long as he sits on your lap, youre good. Lap sitter, lap sitter, lap sitter jimmy lap sitter. Is that a new thing . Lap sitter chair . Anyway, last night guillermo was my lap sitter. By the way, for the short time we were at the game there was a woman in front of me and cleto, vouch for me on this, she was texting, i swear to god, on her phone nonstop 100 of the time we were there. Theyd send a text to one person, then go to another, furiously text her, her thumbs were a blur. They were like i mean, she was texting in spanish. I literally last night not only do people talk faster in spanish, they text faster in spanish. [ laughter ] the second shed finish sending a text she went right to instagram, like, like, like, like, like, it was unbelievable. She didnt look up for a second. She had no idea she was at a baseball game. I didnt either because i was watch herring text the whole time. [ laughter ] speaking of dodgers, President Trump has been feuding with a couple of senators from his own party. Jeff flake of arizona and bob corker of tennessee are on his list right now. Senator corker yesterday impolite in no Uncertain Terms that the president is a liar. Jeff flake announced he wont run for reelection because he can no longer support donald trump. He made a big speech about it. This morning on gma he said he thinks a lot of republicans feel that way and expects that they too will speak out soon against the president. And youre not going to believe this, the president decided to tweet about this today. He said there are no problems in the gop, in fact, they love him so much they cannot sit down when he walks in a room. Look at this. So nice being with republican senators today, multiple Standing Ovations, most are great people who want big tax cuts. The meeting with republican senators yesterday, outside of flake and corker, was a love fest with Standing Ovations and great ideas for usa. Jeff flake with an 18 Approval Rating in arizona said a lot of my colleagues have spoken out. Really . They just gave me a standing o. Who wants to be the one who tell him that people are required to stand when the president enters the room . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats not an accomplishment. Thats like saying, every time i walk into a starbucks, guy behind the counter asks me if i want coffee. [ laughter ] if only his mother had hugged him just one time. Of course theres a reason why jeff flake and bob corker are able to criticize the president so openly, because neither one of thems trying to get reelected. Like when you and your girlfriend break up, on the way out the door she tells me, none of my orgasms were real did what happthat happen to jus . [ laughter ] [ applause ] at the white house a reporter asked President Trump if he thought he should be more civil, and well, heres what he had to say about that. Well, i think the press makes me more uncivil than i am. You know, people dont understand. I went to an ivy league college. I was a nice student. I did very well. Im a very intelligent person. Jimmy when youre the president of the United States and you have to tell others that youre a very intelligent person, not a great sign. [ cheers and applause ] like Shaquille Oneal had to say, listen, im a very tall person. Wed be confused. Hes so insecure. He might be the most insecure person ever. Its interesting. President trump cares so much about Standing Ovations because one thing ive noticed about him, for a sitting president , hes not very good at sitting. Donald trump, sitting president. Donald trump is bad in small chairs. Donald trump is bad in tall chairs. Donald trump is bad in all charles. Donald trump is even bad in chairs that arent chairs. Like this stump made of gold. This block made of wood. And this goose made of anger. Donald trump, standing up for sitting. Im donald trump and im also bad in bed. Jimmy all right, well. [ cheers and applause ] well, this is interesting. This is kind of crazy, actually. The u. S. Postal service is working on a revolutionary new way to deliver bed, bath beyond coupons to your house. Selfdriving mail trucks could be on the road as soon as 2025. In the future, you will be able to get the wrong mail delivered to your house autonomously. And while the selfdriving truck hasnt been tested yet, no one is more excited about it than this guy. His truck drives mail to your home hes inside getting stoned north korea snows hes the toking post man through wind, sleet and rain hes puffing on mary jane hes the toking post man hes high as a kite because he wont have to drive you can never be sure that your mail will arrive his eyes are all red and his truck is his bed hes the toking post man hes the token post man thats me [ cheers and applause ] jimmy good luck getting that out of your head. Were going to take a break. When we come back from the break, we went to a Movie Theater, we asked people to give real reviews of a fake movie that they never saw. And they did. And its funny. So stick around, well be right back. Tmobiles unlimited now includes netflix on us. Thats right. Netflix on us. Get 4 unlimited lines for just 40 bucks each. Taxes and fees included. And now netflix included. So go ahead. Binge on us. Another reason why tmobile is americas best unlimited network. [ [ all ] by simon anbees funkel ] [ all ] bees the volkswagen atlas. With easyaccess 3rd row. Lifes as big as you make it. Gointoilet paper run, need anything . Hair spray bark snickers bitesized. Im on it. Get new, lower prices on thousands of items. Target run done. So my dentist toldell, bume about this. go pro with crest hd. Crest hd cleans and whitens my teeth to eyepopping levels. Crest hd. 6x cleaning, 6x whitening. I did it, i did it, i impressed the dentist. When it comes to molding sarah is ayoung minds, teacher. Nobody does it better. She also builds her own fighting robots. Destroy. But when it comes to mortgages, shes less confident. Fortunately for sarah, theres Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Its simple, so she can understand the details and be sure shes getting the right mortgage. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. Use pantene shampoo together with 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. Their prov formula is like a multivitamin. Making your hair 2x stronger see the difference when you add 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. My doctor says i havey, whats skittles pox. Are they contagious . I dont think so. Contract the rainbow taste the rainbow its time to stack the savings. At kohls, take 50 off hundreds of select items storewide. Plus take an extra 20 off. Plus take an extra 10 off when you spend 50 or more. Plus get kohls cash. Plus yes2you members earn triple points. Only at kohls. [ america by simon can i cross it off yet . Almost. And. Now. The volkswagen atlas. With available digital cockpit. Lifes as big as you make it. Jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Kenneth brau shaw, Haley Bennett, and comedian neel nanda coming up. For those who are fans of dora the explorer, which is nobody above 4 years old, doras on her way to the big screen. None other than michael bay is planning to make a live action dora the explorer, movie this is great, my one issue with michael bay movies is ive never been able to learn span frisch them. The movie is expected to be released sometime in hopefully after the world has ended, but michael bays the explorer sounds made up but its real. You know how they do commercials with people coming out of the theater saying great things about the movie they just saw any wondered how genuine these positive reviews are. We did an experiment to put them to the test. We went to a Movie Theater at the grove, the pacific theaters, with a poster for a new movie called dirty old granny starring sally field. Its not a movie but we said it was. We asked people who were going to see other movies to give it a rave review, and lets find out if they did. Now in the World Premiere of lies, camera, action. Were doing one of those commercials where people talk about a movie theyve just seen as they come out of the theater for an upcoming sally field movie dirty old granny. Can we get you to talk about what you loved about dirty old granny in front of the camera . Sure. Go for it. I loved the humor, the grit, it was truly inspiring, i cant wait to see it again. Look in the lens and tell us how much you loved dirty old granny. One of the best movies ive seen, the opening scenes were fantastic, i love it. So hilarious. I just was cracking up almost the entire time. I just love dirty old granny, awesome film. Me and my girlfriend had a chance to watch it for the first time. Now im going to bring my kids and the rest of the family to check this movie out because its cool. I love this movie, it was so awesome, what did you think . Pretty great. Granny was a little risque, but i mean, she was great. I had to cover her eyes sometimes but it was awesome otherwise. We just saw it and my daughter loved it, its a perfect movie for kids. I loved dirty old granny, its so funny. Theres a bear in it that has dear diarrhea. I like that thing on your head. Maybe talk about the diarrhea bear. Favorite character. Diarrhea bear. Bar none. Funniest thing youve ever seen. Its actually not a comedy, its a drama. For a drama, it was pretty funny. Diarrhea bear makes you want to run right out of the theater. Think about it. We loved dirty old granny, it was so funny, she was so funny, i cant believe they did the things they did. Its actually not a comedy, shes struggling with dementia. Oh, okay. Its dramatic. Talk about how dramatic it is. We we thought the movie was very interesting. It was very dramatic. It was funny how it was not funny. Yeah, it was very dramatic. Yeah. This was bill cosbys last role prethe scandal, its impossible to cut him out of the film. Will you let people watch cag know you dont have to agree with what bill cosby did to think this movie is funny . You know, a comedy is a comedy. You just got to look and go over it and forget about everything but just laugh. You know . How about, i loved bill cosby. I loved bill cosby. Theres a lot of racial humor in the film, can you assure people that this film isnt racist . The movie is not racist. At all. Its very funny. So please dont take offense to it, because its not racist. No matter what everybody is saying . No matter what anyone says. Everybody. What everybody anybody says. What everybody is saying. Its not racist. Were trying to appeal to different markets. Can you put that on, say, as a construction worker from calabasas, i loved dirty old granny . As a construction worker from calabasas, i loved dirty old granny. As a Police Officer from pomona, i loved dirty old granny. Show us the face you made during the sex scene. Oh what about when the fit ball team came in and she spit her dentures out . Eeeh what about when she slipped and fell on the wedding cake . Oh, that made me that got me. She broke her hip . Oh. Tell us into the camera what you thought of it. I [ bleep ] loved it. Dirty old granny. I would [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty granny. Dirty old granny. I would [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty old granny. I would [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. I would. I would. Here i got es. I would [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty old granny. Id also [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty old granny. As a fur trapper from fresno, i love dirty old granny. We love bill cosby. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks, everybody. Weve got a good show for night. Comedian neel nanda is here. Haley bennett is here and be right back with Kenneth Branagh, stick around dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by liquid plumber. Theres a plumber in all of us. Travel at the speed of light. And command the currents. They dont need another way to get around. Or do they . [ engine revving ] gointoilet paper run, need anything . Hair spray bark snickers bitesized. Im on it. Get new, lower prices on thousands of items. Target run done. It all started when sophia found the Perfect Little mug at marshalls. Then piece by piece, surprise by surprise, she built the greatest guest bathroom ever. Did she expect to get so much bang for so few bucks . No. But great things happen when you choose surprise. Did she expect to get so much bang for so few bucks . Accused of obstructing justice to theat the fbinuclear war, and of violating the constitution by taking money from foreign governments and threatening to shut down news organizations that report the truth. If that isnt a case for impeaching and removing a dangerous president , then what has our government become . Im tom steyer, and like you, im a citizen who knows its up to us to do something. Its why im funding this effort to raise our voices together and demand that elected officials take a stand on impeachment. A Republican Congress once impeached a president for far less. Yet today people in congress and his own administration know that this president is a clear and present danger whos mentally unstable and armed with nuclear weapons. And they do nothing. Join us and tell your member of congress that they have a moral responsibility to stop doing whats political and start doing whats right. Our country depends on it. Jimmy welcome back. Tonight on the show, from the new movie thank you for your service, Haley Bennett is here. And then a very funny gentleman, standup comedy from neel nanka tonight, you can see him live at westmont comedy theater. Tomorrow night, Susan Sarandon will be here, Jeffrey Dean Morgan will join us, and well have music from odesza. Our first guest is a five time oscarnominated actor and director who is as comfortable with the words of shakespeare as he is with marvel comics. He is the director and star of a new adaptation of murder on the Orient Express. I didnt kill him you tried to burn the accounts but you have been stealing from him. The what is the english word the Chocolate Fudge . You spoiled the fudge you stole from him you thought you would be found out. That is why you killed him. Yeah. Yeah, youre damn right i stole from him. Thousands. Jimmy murder on the Orient Express opens in theaters on november 10th. Please welcome Kenneth Branagh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im impressed youre here, you flew in from australia today . I got in from australia this morning. Because it baffles me, theyre 18 hours ahead. So i arrived four hours before i left. Jimmy thats true, thats true. Thats what happens. Then you fill in the wrong date on the form you have to sign, you get september to the back of the line because you said it was tomorrow, when in fact it was yesterday. Jimmy they send you to the back of the line. Because youre wasting their time. The numbers are wrong. Jimmy the president has some tough new immigration laws, so exactly. [ laughter ] jimmy if you make a mistake you go to the end of the line. You come from australia, its like being in your own scifi film. Jimmy is it really . Did you like australia . I love australia. Jimmy have you been there before . Many, many years ago. As a young actor. And made lots of great friends. And so it was terrific to be back there. Its the one lace in the world where they call me kenny. Everybody calls me kenny. Jimmy do they really . They do, yeah, yeah. Jimmy they know youre a sir, right . They call you kenny . They say, kenny, mate. Kenny, if you want to speak australian, you put an e on the end, kenny, or an o on the end, you would be jimmo. Jimmo kimmelo. Jimmy if theres an e sound at the end of your name, you get an o, otherwise you get an e . I guess eo at times. Jimmy thats very interesting. How about that. Nobody called me jimmo but i didnt know anybody over there. I think its more fun to go someplace when there are people you know there and you can stay with. How long were you there . A couple of weeks. We met a lot of friends and a lot of kangaroos. Did you meet kangaroos . Jimmy i didnt meet kangaroos but i went to the zoo and saw some. You saw some in the wild . Yeah. Jimmy i dont like that i like animals to be contained in a very secure thing. I feel a lot of them have been to gym, a lot of upperbody strength, they do. Theyre very, very cross about having short arms. [ laughter ] so they overcompensate. Everythings out of whack, its useful for being a kangaroo but annoying when you compare yourself with other beings. Theyve got the big, enormous legs and then they have to use the tripod tail as well. Slightly irritating for them. They come across surly. Jimmy did any mess with you . They gave me some rough looks, jimmy. [ laughter ] jimmy they did, really. Theres a reach calls a walleroo and the male has very dark fur, very scary. Theres easily going to be a new horror film walleroo. Jimmy part wallaby, part kangaroo . Part monster i felt. Jimmy weird thing about kangaroos, theyre the only animal that punches humans. Way back i had to do a fight with a onearmed, oneeyed kangaroo. [ laughter ] not so much a fight, more sort of a grapple. Like a mild grapple. But nevertheless, theyre scary individuals to be close up close with. Jimmy was it a trained animal . It wasnt a trained, but bored working with me. Jimmy i see. Do you find this disturbing . Jimmy yes, whatever it is, yes. [ laughter ] inside the pouch, which you imagine to be full of the most charming kind of, you know, sort of walt disney kind of warmth for the little joey. Its actually like the inside of a mouth. So its all slalivay. All the dreams you had of being in there with little joey, mommy looking after you, you dont want to be in there. Jimmy how intensely were you grappling with this animal . [ laughter ] that you know that . Did you have relations with a kangaroo . Ive got too close to that pouch is all i can say. Jimmy congratulations. I know youre getting now there are two honors that you can receive out on hollywood boulevard. Actually, there are three honors. One is you get to dress like spiderman and beg for 5. Another honor is you get your star on the hollywood walk of fame. The biggest honor is they have you put your handprints and footprints in the cement there for alltime. Or at least until kim jongun blows us all up. That is what youre getting. Thats tomorrow, right . [ cheers and applause ] youve been knighted by the queen of england, as i mentioned. Does this rank with that . Where is that . If being knighted is here, where is having your hands and feet put on our filthy street . [ laughter ] well, you get to be slightly further forward. Thats the big difference. Youre only on one knee for the queen. On hollywood boulevard, youre on all fours. Yeah, thats right. Whatever that may mean. [ laughter ] and my only and im thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. For a kid from belfast who watched movies coming from hollywood as a kid, for this to happen is pretty special. Jimmy yeah. But you know, they dont tell you where youre going to be put, you know. So im a little bit nervous about yeah exactly, where im going to be. Because jimmy is there somewhere you dont want to be . It just feels like talking about king ga roos, animal sensitive. Im worried about being next to rin tin tin or hassy. [ laughter ] frankly both their movies were much bigger than anything ive ever done. It would be kind of embarrassing. You dont want to be next to a dog is really what youre saying. Well, i love dogs. But in this context, maybe theres a better spot. Jimmy there have been guests who have been here who have received this honor. I always ask, will you obviously youll put your hands in the cement. Will you take your shoes off . Or put your shoes in the cement . Or your bare feet in the cement . Tbd, i think. Im told shoes. But like jimmy i dont understand that. Yeah well jimmy theyre your handpr t handprints but theyre not your footprints, theyre your shoe prints. They could be anybodys shoes. Yeah. So well, i think maybe in the interest of not being fraudulent, im happy to go with the shoeless immersion. Jimmy you would be the first and i think that would be wonderful. [ cheers and applause ] you wouldnt be the first. Hassy and rin tin tin both went without shoes on. [ laughter ] answer me this, riddle me this. So its cement. I mean, presumably theres a timer on this. Ive got stuff to do, i dont want to be stuck there. Jimmy you dont have to wait till it sets. Okay, fine. [ laughter ] jimmy you push it in, then youll be there, youll take pictures for about a minute, then they will release you from the cement. Although it would be a funny prank if you were there forever. Yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] and then riddle me this as well. So say you get them out, how do you wash cement off your feet . Jimmy i think thats easy, borax, youll get that right off, no problem at all, youre going to be fine. Thats the least of your problems. If you can go in barefoot, i think wed all appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] lets talk about this movie. Murder on the Orient Express. Was agatha crystie book, they made it into a movie in the mid70s. Is this something you always wanted to make . Is that a movie that meant something to you . Its a great, great thriller. My mother used to read crime fiction. Thats why i was introduced to it. Its a classic structure. The train gets stuck in the snow, theres an avalanche. 12 very exotic characters are there for an investigation by a man who claims to be probably the worlds greatest detective, hercule poirot. Its a great situation to get in this case an Amazing Group of actors. Jimmy whos in the movie . Johnny gep, michelle pfeiffer, daisy ridley, penelope cruz, willem dafoe, derrick jacobi, you name them. Jimmy wow, you named them, i dont have to. You got them all. [ cheers and applause ] i know youve worked with a few of those people before, had you worked with johnny depp before . I had not worked with johnny. He was just a trouper, a real gent, fun. Totally sort of obsessed with the business of building a character. He flew in three months before we started and just spent days walking up and down, trying to different clothes, getting the walk right, getting the hat right, getting the sideboards right. Kind of obsessed with the part, drinking it all in, it was very interesting. Jimmy as a director do you love an actor taking that it seriously . Oh, yeah. What happens is then he can come on the day, we had a very enjoyable scene to do together which we improvised lavishly. It was partly because he was so secure in the character. In the look of the character and everything. That he was able to sort of play it. Be very free. What was really impressive about him and michelle and penelope and all of them, willem, was their freedom in front of the camera. Theyre so knowledgeable, they come with their game already prepared. Its exciting to see tiptop professionals get there so that they can be as spontaneous as possible. Jimmy there you go. If you want to see tiptop professionals, murder on the Orient Express. Opens in theaters november 10th. Kenneth branagh, everybody ri well be right back. Ladies and gentleman this is a robbery. What are you doing after this . Its time to stack the savings. At kohls, take 50 off hundreds of select items storewide. Plus take an extra 20 off. Plus take an extra 10 off when you spend 50 or more. Plus get kohls cash. Plus yes2you members earn triple points. Only at kohls. In the mirror everyday. When i look when i look in the mirror everyday. Everyday, i think how fortunate i am. I think is today going to be the day, that we find a cure . I think how much i can do to help change peoples lives. I may not benefit from those breakthroughs, but im sure going to. Im bringing forward a treatment for alzheimers disease, yes, in my lifetime, i will make sure. Oh, its actually. S your sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals im being so serious right now. I really want to know how your coffee is. Its. Sfx balloon squeals hahahaha, i had a 2nd balloon goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Yeah. Happens to more people than you think. Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Mmm. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. Its the milk that doesnt mess with you. Its time to stack the savings. At kohls, take 50 off hundreds of select items storewide. Plus take an extra 20 off. Plus take an extra 10 off when you spend 50 or more. Plus get kohls cash. Plus yes2you members earn triple points. Only at kohls. That one. This. Jimmy welcome back. Haley bennett and neel nanda are on the way. If youre like me, every sink in your house is clogged at all times. Fortunately, liquid plumr empowers everyone to be his or her own plumber, and we sent guillermo out into hollywood to show you how. Do not use sink, clogged. Come on. Liquidplumr has the power to destroy toughest clogs. Theres a plumber in all of us, especially right here. Now lets go tell everybody, lets go i walk through the streets and i realize that everything shines in a different way and i smell the sea like it never smelled before everything turns blue when the summers here and the summers here and the summers here and the summers here for you da da da da da da da da da dicky liquidplumr celebrates the plumber in all of us. So pick up a bottle of liquidplumr today. Jimmy well be right back with Haley Bennett welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. You stand out in a crowd. And are pulled together. You follow your own lead and show your strength. Always comfortable in your own skin. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . A World Without accidents. For the future to get there, were advancing safety technology. Designed not only to automatically brake but also actively steer. This is the most sophisticated lexus Safety System ever. And a preview of whats to come. Experience driverfirst innovation. Experience amazing. Discover card. I justis this for real . Match, yep. We match all the cash back new cardmembers earn at the end of their first year, automatically. Whoo i got my money hard to contain yourself, isnt it . Uh huh let it go whoo get a dollarfordollar match at the end of your first year. Only from discover. Remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. [hello moto] snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. [hello moto] moto is here. The new moto z with moto mods. Get 200 off a moto z2 force edition and free projector mod. Its ok that everybody ignores me when i drive. Its fine, cause i get a safe driving bonus check every six months im accidentfree. And i dont share it with mom. Right, mom . Right. Safe driving bonus checks, only from allstate. Switching to allstate is worth it. Jimmy hi there, were back. Still to come, neel nanda. You know our next guest from the magnificent seven and the girl on the train she was the girl not on the train. Her newest movie is the true story, thank you for your service. It opens friday. Please welcome Haley Bennett. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome. I heard you just moved to brooklyn. We just left brooklyn, coincidentally, we missed you. How long have you been there . Its been about three weeks. Jimmy okay. I really love it. Jimmy you love it. I do, i had a nice smalltown feel. Im from ohio. Jimmy do you feel brooklyn has a smalltown feel . Brooklyn heights, yes. Jimmy i see, all right. Do you know your neighbors . Compared to manhattan where i was living before, much quieter. Reporter manhattan definitely does not have a smalltown feel, theres no question about that. You know your neighbors and you talk to your growser and all that kind of thing . Well, ive got to know know my neighbors. A little bit of an unusual way. My cat jumped out my thirdstory window. Jimmy yes, i have some photograph evidence of that. The cats fine, i guess, right . Yeah. Jimmy cats can jump if you said your uncle jumped out of a thirdstory window, the interview would be ruined. The cat survived, she survived. I hardly survived. I went around posting these pictures. Jimmy oh, yeah. Its a really good way to get to know your neighbors even if you dont lose your cat. Jimmy so this is you recommend this. Now we blurred a couple of things. Let me get a closeup. Thats a real photograph from the tree. But you actually put your own phone number and address on the poster. Is that a good idea . Not now. [ laughter ] jimmy so you got calls from people . Yeah, i got a lot of calls. Jimmy with people its a great way to make friends. Jimmy did you make any friends . Yeah, i did. A lot of well, actually, no. A lot of hate of cat lovers called me. How dare you lose a cat, what happened, it jumped out your thirdstory window, youre a cat murderer. Reporter that jimmy youre upset about your missing cat. P. E. T. A. Called. They didnt call. No. Jimmy tell low, this is pet tax youre in a lot of trouble. Youre upset about your cat, and maniacs are calling you and yelling at you for letting the cat get out. They also called me about my recycling. This is the thing in brooklyn. Jimmy how did they get your number about the recycling . My landlord called me about the recycling. Jimmy did you recycle that poster . Yeah, i have to go around, recycle. Put them in the blue bag or the clear bag. Jimmy thats right. Its a very big thing in brooklyn. Jimmy its a very big thing here, too. At my house, if i see something in the garbage that is not supposed to be in the garbage, i will fish it out and angrily bring it to the recycling bin. Glare at everyone in my house. That was new for you . Yeah, this was a new thing. Jimmy its a newling. Because well, you didnt have recycling where you grew up . I did, but i didnt know i thought the plastic goes in the recycling bin. I didnt know the plastic and the metal has to go in the different bags. So now i pasted up a paper that says, this goes here, this goes there. Jimmy just to remind yourself . Yeah. Jimmy so you wasted paper. [ laughter ] actually, to circle back, i think my neighbor kept telling me my cat wasnt in her yard. And eventually i jumped the fence. Because i just had a feeling that my cat was there. But i dont know you know. I found my cat at my neighbors. Jimmy your cat was there . She was there i had this feeling she was there shes my cat. I go back. So i jump the fence. And i found her. Id gone back a couple of times. I think shes there. No good luck, shes not here. When i jumped the fence, finally i found margaret. I dont know, maybe its because i wasnt recycling properly. [ laughter ] jimmy is it possible that your neighbor was trying to steal your cat . Or punish me for not recycling properly. [ laughter ] jimmy so why this woman told you that theres no cat here, and the cat was there. Yeah. Jimmy what did you do . Did you do anything . This is brooklyn, youve got to smash her windows or something. [ laughter ] if you want to fit in with the locals. Trust me, you need to take action against this maniac. I know. Well, i wont be baking her any cookies. [ laughter ] jimmy make sure you bake cookies for everybody else. Everybody else is getting cookies except her. Jimmy lets talk about your movie, based on a true story. Talk about it a little bit. Its a very heavy subject. But its an important subject for sure. Yeah i think its an important film about our american troops that come home, and about their families, and it focuses on the families of the american troops that come home and try to reinter great into their civilian lives. And the reason that i connected so much with the story is women dont get enough credit. And this film is different. It shows the stories from the perspective of the woman and her trials and tribulations and how they rise above. Jimmy while shes waiting for her husband. While shes waiting for her husband. Then they come home and theyre change the. Jimmy this is you know, of course there are songs and weve seen stories. This is a relatively recent situation that were seeing the results of. And it is crazy to me that these that this does happen, that it is so hard for veterans to get medical attention and to get into the workforce. It really is i think an important subject for a film. Yeah. I mean, theres sometimes waits six to nine months for veterans to get the help that they need. So this is an important film and really good timing to start a conversation about ptsd and our veterans getting the help that they need. Jimmy congratulations on the mov movie, thank you for your service. It opens in theaters on friday. Thats Haley Bennett, everybody. Well be right back with neel nanda [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a very funny comedian from atlanta, georgia. You can see him every friday night at the westside comedy theater here in santa monica, please welcome, neel nanda [ cheers and applause ] how are we doing, los angeles . [ cheers and applause ] good evening. Yes, yes. Im excited to be here. I do live here in los angeles so im dating in los angeles, which is fun. I dont know if im dating girl order if im just feeding girls. I have no idea. Ive had a lot of feedings lately. Like i was feeding this girl for about ten months. That was almost a committed feeding. But no, my last relationship actually ended because of a text message. It was a sexy text. She texted me, she said, hey, could you come over and help me build my bed . Maybe we can use it. Yeah. Sexy text. I immediately turned into a 90s r b singer. Brow girl im gonna build your bed and lay you down [ cheers and applause ] that was my first thought. My Second Thought was, i cant build a bed. Theres no way. Theres no way i can do that. I can barely build a bear and theres a workshop for that. Cant do it. I did do it. I did do it, i went over there, took me about an hour. Hour and a half. Until i called a man. I was like, hey, danny, this is courtney, hes going to be feeding you from now on. [ laughter ] bam bam bam now im gonna watch a porn with headphones on i got roommates, what are you going to do . I dont know. I wish i could meet somebody the way my parents met. My parents have this adorable story. My mom is from a place in india called the sungunge. My dad is from penjab. The way think parents met, adorable story, they were married. Thats how they met. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it was love at first wedding. My dad actually lived in atlanta, georgia, at the time. He was at georgia tech, engineering school, so he was incredibly horny. [ laughter ] so what my dad did was put an ad in the indian newspaper. Ancient tinder, basically. It was just a picture of his face and his bio, and my grandpa saw this, my moms dad. He cut it out, then cut out four other dudes profiles for my mom to swipe. [ laughter ] my mom saw these five guys. And she went, evenny meany mineny. The one in america. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, mom, i appreciate that. They got married in india but they moved back to georgia because they loved racism. [ laughter ] yeah. They raised me in georgia, i enjoyed growing up in georgia, i had good friends growing up in georgia. My favorite friend, pagemus. Hey, how do you spell that . Padgepaaj he goes, no, its pajamas. I was like, your name is pajamas . [ laughter ] its not pagemus. But you know what, pagemus . You know what, man . Whatever helps you sleep at night, thats cool with me. Cool with me. [ laughter ] [ applause ] no but me and pagemus were good friends. We would argue all the time. We didnt agree on the same things. I was a big supporter of gay rights, gay marriage. But pagemus wasnt. He would always bring up the baseball. Hey, man, in leviticus it says a man may not lie with another man as he does with a woman. And i was like, hey, man, thats from a book thats been rewritten and retranslated for over 2,000 years. What if that was a typo . [ laughter ] what if that was a mistake . What if that was supposed to be a man may not lie to another man as he does to a woman. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah, yeah. Bro bible, right . Yeah. And why am i arguing with a dude named pajamas . I dont know. Thank you guys so much. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats neel nanda, everybody. Thanks to our guests. Apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. Nightline is next. Thank you for watching, good night on the wildlife preserves of south africa, nothing is what it seems. Where saving the rhino might look like this. And profiteer poachers might look like this. One single horn on the black market can buy as many as 1,000 ak47 rifles. Can keep 75 isis fighters in kit and armaments for 12 months. Bob woodruff takes us to the south african savannah where a team is going airborne to fend off brutal criminals. But now are the hunters set thanksgiving sights on them . Once they come into your country to kill, if you stand in their way they will come for you as well. With millions to gain, can some of the caring conservationists also have Something Else in mind . Youve been storing them for ultimate sale . This is theol