Show our commitment lets brick our fingers on one of mattis medals and mix our blood. Hoorah grab em, mad dog im feeling faint stop struggling announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight Rex Tillerson and the suicide pact. Plus tonight, stephen welcomes Morgan Freeman and, grace gummer featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs stephen i didnt mean to do that. Hey cheers and applause how are ya . Good to see ya hey jon cheers and applause audience chanting stephen jon heyaaaah whoo stephen thanks, everybody. Please have a seat. cheers and applause thats an incredible thursday crowd right there. Thats the kind of crowd i want on friday. Might as well stick around for the second show on friday, id like that. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause piano riff im glad you guys are feeling cheerful tonight because, guys, i am worried. I am so worried about secretary of state and football coach being forced to teach sex ed, Rex Tillerson. laughter yesterday, nbc reported tillerson was on the verge of resigning his position this summer and had openly disparaged president trump, referring to him as a moron. cheers and applause thats usually something you say right before you quit. laughter hey, can i have five minutes of your time . You moron. laughter now, tillersons spokesperson vehemently denied he ever said it. He doesnt use that language to speak about anyone. How do you know he didnt use that language . Because i take the secretary at his word. Stephen she takes him at his word. And what was his word again . Can you address the main headline of this story, that you called the president a moron . And if not, where do you think these reports are im not going to deal with petty stuff like that. Stephen yeah, his word was moron. laughter he vehemently would rather not answer that question. But, at that same press conference, he categorically denied he ever considered resigning and talked about his commitment to his job. When i wake up in the morning, my first thoughts are about the safety of our citizens at home and abroad. Stephen then, i walk to the bathroom, look in the mirror and say, hey, theres the guy who works for a moron. laughter applause i should shave him. Hes look ago little cheers and applause jon hey, now stephen apparently this story stuck in trumps craw because, this morning, he tweeted, Rex Tillerson never threatened to resign. This is fake news put out by nbcnews. Low news and reporting standards. No verification from me. laughter applause jon whoa stephen and as you know nothings true without verification from me. Obamas birth certificate . Totally fake till i said it wasnt. Last years election . Totally rigged till i won. But what do i know . Im a verified moron. laughter cheers and applause piano riff and Administration Officials are confident that tillerson will stay because, apparently, theres an agreement between defense secretary james mattis, treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin and tillerson, whereby all three cabinet secretaries vow to leave in the event that the president makes moves against one of them. And trump is known for making moves. Rex, if the president offers to take you furniture shopping, get out of there. laughter just get out of there and take your cat with you cheers and applause because hes grabin it laughter piano riff media reports have referred to the agreement as a suicide pact. Thats when you know things are going great in a workplace, when people starting forming suicide pacts. Theyve also agreed that if none of them are with someone by the time theyre 70, theyll marry each other. laughter suicide pacts meanwhile, on capital hill, it looks Like Congress might finally do something about gun control. Yesterday, Congressional Republicans signaled that they would be open to banning gun conversion kits called bump stocks, which takes advantage of a semiautomatic guns natural recoil, allowing it to bounce back and forth off a shooters trigger finger and unleash up to 100 rounds in seven seconds. Its great for hunting if youve got seven seconds to kill every animal in the forest. laughter its a different bambi. Right now, these devices are totally legal because, according to the bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms, a bump stock is a firearm part and, therefore, is not regulated as a firearm. Yes, its not a gun, its just a part of a gun. Like when your parents find your bong and you tell them, hey, theres no weed in there now. laughter cheers and applause jon whoa whoa piano riff stephen so, technically, that is a vase. laughter if youll excuse me, i have some pink floyd to listen to. May i please have my vase back . laughter based on a true story, actually. laughter my mom didnt know. She didnt know. Right now, banning bump stocks seems to have bipartisan support, the n. R. A. Even says they should be regulated. Unfortunately, there are people who are unwilling to even discuss this proposal. Like the executive director of gun owners of america, who said, realistically, they are already on the market, so passing a law banning them isnt going to stop bad guys. Same reason crystal meth should be legal its already on the market, and passing a law isnt going to stop me from fighting you with a sharpened toothbrush. Spiders spiders laughter applause piano riff screaming applause piano riff cheers and applause jon laughing stephen also based on a true story. laughter of course, its football season thats not a political story. A time to cozy up in front of the tube with a steaming mug of queso mmm, refreshing. laughter piano riff and its shaping up to be a dramatic season for the ol pigskin kick and toss. But theres some controversy. The latest comes from this press conference with carolina quarterback cam newton. Devin funchess has seemed to really embrace the physicality of his routes and makinggetting those extra yards. Does that give you a little bit of enjoyment to see him kind of truck sticking people out there . Its funny to hear a female talk about routes. Like its funny. Stephen wow. audience reacts wow. Its funny to hear a female talk about routes . Could he be more patronizing and insulting . That a woman wouldnt know about routes and truck sticking. And quick followup what are those things . laughter piano riff because i really feel like i should know that now. Could you have her call me and tell me . And this has hurt newton. Today, we learned that his sponsor, dannon, has dropped him as a spokesman. Too bad. It was funny to see a male talk about yogurt. laughter cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Morgan freeman is here but when we return, the finale of our puberme challenge youre not gonna want to miss it stick around. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. [indistinct talking over ladies and gentleman. Book it and bring the rock come bring the roll misbehaving, misbehaving hey now i love it when it goes my way my way whoa, oh, oh behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. Starbucks narino 70 cold brew coffee. In stores now. Only at starbucks. Zorba the greek by Mikis Theodorakis the allnew Volkswagen Tiguan with available pedestrian monitoring. The new king of the concrete jungle. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. cheers and applause band playing stephen give it up for jon batiste and stay human, everybody trying to there is the band cheers and applause hey, jon, happy thursday jon happy thursday stephen only one more day to the friday. Hang in there, buddy. Jon yeah, mmhmm. Stephen you know, guys, puerto rico is going to be rebuilding from Hurricane Maria for months, if not years. And we wanted to do something to help. Luckily, im best known as a ben as an ice cream model. I got this here the ben jerrys americone dream. There you go. I put all the money i make from my ice cream in the Americone Dream Fund, and every year, we give it to charity. So with the help of my friend nick kroll, we launched a Twitter Campaign encouraging celebrities to post photos of themselves during their awkward teen years, with the hashtags puberme and puerto rico relief. The Americone Dream Fund is giving 1,000 for every celebrity i decide what a celebrity is laughter to the one america appeal. And for the last week, weve been showing you some of the best submissions. I like to start with my confession of a 13yearold photo there. The hormones have kicked in but so far the only thing thats grown is the knot on my tie right there. laughter who else have we got here . Weve gotten some good ones recently. Here is see if you can see who this person is. That is seth rogen right there proving that marijuana apparently makes you stop aging at 15. Oh, this is a lovely one. I like to get the black and white ones here. This one right here i cant figure out who this guy is. That is young henry winkler, fonzie from happy days, apparently he went to his dance with his date a railing. This is jim. This is a picture of young martin short. Everything about this photo says im preparing myself for a career in comedy. laughter this one is i love this. Can you figure out who that is . Thats kristen bell right there. Isnt that amazing . Shes caught playing as a spinster aunt at the Company Christmas party there. laughter this is our friend from over at cnn. This is jake tapper right there, cnn anchor jake tapper. Breaking news i know a girl. laughter so we have received so many of these and, as i promised, were giving a thousand dollars for every celebrity photo. I am pleased to say the count is in and we have a grand total of 233,000 for puerto rico relief but wait theres more please welcome, live via telephone from argentina, the star of netflixs big mouth, nick kroll nick, are you there . cheers and applause yes stephen i hear youve got an announcement to make, nick. Thats right, stephen. I wanted to get in on the action, so i pulled some strings, and im happy to announce that i will be adding another 100,000 for puerto rico relief. Stephen 100,000 . That is fantastic cheers and applause that brings our new total to 333,000 cheers and applause nick, thats wonderful. Thats very kind of you, nick. Where did you get 100,000 . Well, did you know that, on the dark web, people will pay 150,000 for a healthy liver . Stephen so. . So, mine wasnt that healthy. laughter so, instead, this money is coming from me and everyone who worked on my show big mouth on netflix. Stephen its incredibly generous, nick. Thank you. Thank you to you and everybody who is working on that show cheers and applause heres the thing, nick and you know who else is feeling generous . The good people here at cbs we told Leslie Moonves that we were doing this, and he wanted to help. So they dug around in the big bang theorys couch cushions a little, and im happy to announce that they are going to match what weve raised, dollarfordollar so our new grand total for puerto rico relief is 666,000 cheers and applause the devils donation stephen im sorry, they were clapping, nick. What did you say . I said thats the devils donation. Stephen yes. If the devil were nice, thats how much he would give. But you know what . Turns out that celebrities arent the only people who have awkward puberty photos. And, over the past week, social media was flooded with gangly preteen photos from people trying to help raise awareness for puerto rico relief. There were over 75,000 tweets with the hashtag puberme. And i think that deserves something, too. So, on behalf of everybody who participated, the Americone Dream Fund is going to make a second donation. Another 266,000. Yep. Did you hear that, nick . Did you hear me, nick . Another 266,000. I did. Youre doubledonating . Stephen yes. All right, then so are we. Were donating another 67,000, okay . Stephen another 67,000 . How did you get another 67,000 . I sold a kidney, stephen. laughter stephen youre a good man. That brings our grand total to 999,000 cheers and applause yeah. Fantastic still, its a shame that we didnt make it to a million. Stephen i know, nick, but what can we do . If only we had one more awkward celebrity puberty photo. But we just dont. cheers and applause wait a minute, stephen cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen, Linmanuel Miranda, creator and star of the smash Broadway Musical hamilton . cheers and applause please, please i heard you needed an awkward picture and i think i might be able to help. Stephen linmanuel, i know you are here to help. Are you also here to promote something . Of course laughter sled lmost like praying, and its got jennifer lopez, marc anthony, gloria estefan, fat joe, and a bunch of other amazing musicians. Any latino person you like is on this song. laughter it dropped at midnight, and it all goes towards helping puerto rico rebuild. Stephen incredible. cheers and applause its available on itunes, spotify and title. Im glad youre promoting the song, everybody should get it to help the people for puerto rico. You know, nick and i were actually just in the middle of raising money for puerto rico as well. Were just 1,000 shy of a million dollars. You dont happen to have an awkward puberty photo, do you . Im afraid not. Im afraid i looked really good. Is that awwww but i do have an awkward puberty video. Roll it, jim i came back from puerto rico yesterday and im bored oh, i hate it here in new york dont get me wrong its nice to live with all these nice folks but i dont like it it really suuuuu. Stephen wow cheers and applause unbelievable i wish we had a mic for you to drop thats incredible thats what this man gives he gives and he gives a real video, and youre really 13 in that video. And im really making up a song about puerto rico then. And my face is struggling to catch up with my nose. That was a dark year. Stephen unbelievable. Not just a photo but an actual video and a video about prek o. What do you say about that, nick . That song was so catchy its going to be stuck in my head for days. If you thought that was good check out almost like praying, which is on sale now. Stephen Linmanuel Miranda, that was worth 1,000 which means our grand total is a whopping 1 million cheers and applause all that money will be going to help the people in puerto rico rebuild after Hurricane Maria i want to thank cbs, nick kroll, Linmanuel Miranda and all the people who shared their awkward photos all of you out there cheers and applause to celebrate all the awkwardness and all the generosity we made a video of all the celebrities who jumped in to help. You can chick it out and find more ways to give to Hurricane Maria at colbertlateshow. Com. As we go to commercial, heres a little taste. Well be back with Morgan Freeman cheers and applause band playing whats this little thing . Well, its google home mini. You put it in your house and control it with your voice. Hey google, play my fun playlist. Gh okay, playing now its also a remote control, an alarm clock, and a sous chef. Gh let it cool for 10 minutes. It can play you this on tv. Or that on the internet. It can tell you the weather, or if your flights delayed because of the weather. And it knows the difference between you. Hi. And your husband hey. So if you go, hey google, call alex, it wont call your husbands friend, alex. Itll call your friend alex gh calling alex hey, how are you . Ok. Gotta go, girl anyway, its made by the same people who help you find stuff on the internet. So you know, no biggie. Its smaller than a donut. And weighs less than a full grown chipmunk. Without the nuts. Its powered by the google assistant. So it has google maps, google calendar, it gets you to all your music. Lots of your favorite shows. All of youtube, and lots and lots and lots of other stuff you love. All for less than fifty bucks. Yeah. Its google home mini, and the rest of of the google home family. A little help at home. Like only google can. Heineken is served its world famous. Like me. Come here. Look it happens all the time. Antonio banderas its Antonio Banderas from the movies. Enjoyed in 192 countries. Theres more behind the star. Adjusting a tropical mood. We let it transport us. Adventure. We have a fragrance for that. New Glade Plugins car. Crafted by glade. Sc johnson. Like paperless, multicar, and safe driver, that help them save on their car insurance. Any questions . Yeah. How do you go to the bathroom . Great. Any insurancerelated questions . Mmhmm. Do you have a girlfriend . Uh, im actually focusing on my career right now, saving people nearly 600 when they switch, so. Wheres your belly button . [ sighs ] ive got to start booking better gigs. [ sighs ] boy this is the story of a boy jack this ridiculously long table in the middle of nowhere . Jack to invite all my friends in the industry to try this. Jack fast foods first ever ribeye burger. Jack made with 100 ribeye beef, grilled onions, a red wine glaze and creamy havarti cheese. Jack ahh, here comes the competition now. Jack and of course, since they work for my competitors, ive obscured their identities jack except for this guy. Jack he is so screwed. Jack try my new havarti grilled onion and allamerican ribeye burgers. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an oscarwinning actor, who executive produces, directs, and sometimes stars in madam secretary. Ah, madam secretary chief justice. I dont think ive ever seen you in here before. No, im not much of a Power Breakfast type. Not that theres anything wrong with that. Im more of a muffin on the fly type. Got it. Theres just somebody i need to bump into. Yes, there is, and i wouldnt want to be the senator right now. laughter stephen please welcome Morgan Freeman cheers and applause band playing stephen youve got them in the palm of your hand. Squeals of delight when you came out here like they were goosed by an ice pick. They were goosed by the guy that comes out here. Stephen you dont have to coach anybody to like Morgan FreemanEverybody LovesMorgan Freeman cheers and applause laughter yeah. All right. Stephen wouldnt that be nice if Morgan Freeman was a powerful person in washington, d. C. . Youre a mountain of dignity we need that in washington, d. C. Right now, someone to look up to. cheers and applause did you ever consider politics or anything like that . No, stephen, i never did consider politics. Im an actor, that will do it. Stephen its a fine line. Its a fine line. You think . Stephen yeah, you both make things up but you get paid better. So true. Stephen now, the show, madam secretary, we all know what washington is like, as i was saying, i think people watch that show sometimes just to get relief. Stephen yeah. Yeah. Stephen to see a washington that makes a lilt bit more sense to them. How do you think the show compares to the real washington in your mind . Today i dont think it compares at all. Its just we dont have a lot of confusion on the show because stephen you know whos in control, the director. We know whos in control. Yeah. Stephen which is you for some of the episodes. One of the episodes. I do the First Episode every season. Stephen how many seasons have you directed . Three. Stephen okay. Does it get easier or do you find the process easier in do you crack the whip or do you drive the people really hard . I drive the crew. Actors, i dont fool around with because they know what theyre doing. But crews tend to get a bit complacent, you know, the show i say, we need to keep moving, you all, and i remind them that a nascar pit crew can change four tires and give you a tank of gas in under 14 seconds. Just think about that. Stephen im thinking about it right now. Yeah. laughter stephen i want you to know, my crew is the best crew. I never have to remind them to be fast at all. cheers and applause so how do you best way to get them to speed up. Stephen how do you remind them, nascar does it, you can, too . If i feel like theyre taking too long to change a light or something, i go, zing, zing, zing thats the guy with the stephen wow, i like that. Thats kind of gentle and yet hostile at the same time. Yeah. laughter its merely a reminder, not like a whip is that that we can do it better. Yeah. Stephen now, i loved your show through the wormhole. applause but you have a new show called the story of us. Is that anything like this is us . Am i going to cry through the entire show . Not the entire show. Some episodes will be quite uplifting. Stephen what is the mission . To show us who we are. Stephen humanity to humanity . Humanity to humanity. What it is that really keeps us together, and it seems like this might not be a bad time to be airing such a show because we think were splitting apart. Were not. Stephen how so . The divisiveness is an illusion now . We talk about the divisiveness, you know, and the us and them quality of life right now, but, you know, life moves in waves. Its almost predictable whats going to be happening a thousand years from now with us. Stephen because youve played god so many times. laughter i cant see a thousand years in the future. Is there someplace you went . How many countries did you go to . We went to ten countries on this trip. Stephen is there one place where you learned more about us than other countries . Can i say that i wouldnt say that, but i went to southern ethiopia, and i visited a tribe of people called the hammer. Stephen hammer. Like the hammer. Stephen yeah. And they live there in the valley just as they did hundreds of years ago. We were there for the bow jumping ceremony which is what a young man does thats his right of passage. Stephen he jumps over a bull . He jumps over a bunch of bulls. He doesnt really jump over them, he uh runs along them. Stephen still sounds dangerous. It is dangerous. But all of the females in his family, and they may number in the teens, come out to support him and to show him their love, how much they love him. They have nine men selected i forget what they call them stephen a baseball team. laughter and they whip these women. Stephen the boy vonning on the backs of these bulls . This is all built up to the moment hell do that. Stephen and the nine men are whipping the women . Doesnt just go quite like this. Stephen you just said theyre whipping the women. There are nine men and theyre over there and these ladies are wearing bells on their legs and theyre jumping up and down and having fun. They collect the whips themselves and they will go over and cajole or insult a man to take this whip and give me a good lick. So the man will take the whip and go out into the middle of this circle and go, pow right across there. And the women dont even flinch. Stephen they go straight to h. R. laughter they should. Dont do that. Dont do that. applause dont listen to this plan. It goes on. I mean, i was i want to say enthralled but it doesnt sound right. Stephen sounds close to right. Well stephen what did you learn from it, i guess . Dont do that. laughter applause stephen thats fair enough. Thats fair enough. Weve got to take a little break. Hope you can stick around, well be right back with more Morgan Freeman. Dont go anywhere, and dont whip anybody cheers and applause band playing sarah is a fifthgrade teacher. When it comes to molding young minds, nobody does it better. She also builds her own fighting robots. Destroy. But when it comes to mortgages, shes less confident. Fortunately for sarah, theres Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Its simple, so she can understand the details and be sure shes getting the right mortgage. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. 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This is a different breed of natural nutrition. Purina one, true instinct. cheers and applause stephen were back with Morgan Freeman. I love having you on. We dont have you on enough. We have a wonderful band, but i dont have you do. Stephen but i dont have a cohost, i dont have anybody sitting with me to jaw with all the time and i was wondering whether i could ask you to say a few pliens we could roll into the show on nights i wish i had somebody else up here with me and i dont. Would you mind recording a few things we could bank and have rolled in later . Ill do it, stephen, but im really not the sidekick type. laughter cheers and applause stephen mind sitting over there for it . Okay. Stephen can we bring that over here . All right. I havent had a chance to go over these. So lets just do your best. What you imagine is im either doing my monologue over there or talking to a camera or a guest and youre just there all the time and this is for all subsequent shows after this, okay . Laugh at the appropriate times and all that. Stephen all that kind of stuff. You can read it off of here or there. Okay. Stephen the first one. This one is, all right, morgan, this is if im doing the monologue and i make a really good joke and the audience enjoys it and the camera cuts to you and you say hah. You can say that again, stephen laughter applause stephen thats nice. I like it. This is feeling good. This is feeling good. The next one is, this would help us with future edits if we have to edit something and the camera would cut to you and you say wow i dont think we can show that on cbs. laughter good thing you cut to me. Morgan freeman. Stephen all right. Now, we never know what might happen in the future so lets to this as a safety here, morgan. Love that new mustache, stephen laughter applause stephen and this one is just to cover our bases. All right. Hey, stephen, i wish you hadnt shaved because you looked way better with that mustache laughter stephen nice. applause your job is also to back me up in celebrity interviews if anything goes wrong. Yeah. Stephen so lets try this one. Come on, stephen, are you just going to sit there and take that from Andrew Garfield . laughter throw a punch stephen thats good. Weve got to get Andrew Garfield on now. laughter here are just a couple of random lines that we dont know if well ever use them but good to have. Okay . I love gravy laughter stephen okay. Loose lips sink ships laughter stephen finally, the last line from not my sidekick Morgan Freeman. Sounds like you learned the true meaning of Christmas StephenMorgan Freeman, everybody madam secretary returns this sunday at 10 00 on cbs, and you can also see him every night here on the late show. Morgan freeman, everybody well be right back with grace gummer. cheers and applause band playing why do people have eyebrows . 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When you drop a 603horsepower v8 biturbo engine for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Into one of mercedesbenzs finest luxury sedans, what do you get . [ engine stalls ] you get out of the way. 0to60 in 3. 3 seconds. The mercedesamg e63 s sedan. Cpresented bye cotarget. Food has the power to transform lives. With the help of target, the San FranciscoMarin Food Bank addresses hunger headon in the community. Our food pantries are vibrant. People feel welcomed, and theyre being respected. It helps our team members see the work that they do in the store every day. How that actually relates to their communities. Cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. cheers and applause band playing woman every year we take a girls trip. Remember nashville . Both kimchi bbq amazing honkytonk i cant believe you got us tickets i did. I didnt pay for anything. sigh you never do. Send me what i owe. Ive got it. I mean, you did find money to buy those boots. alert beep are you serious . Is that why you dont like them . Those boots could make a unicorn cry. Yeah tears of joy. groan settle up with your friends on october 17th with the bank of america mobile banking app. [l vwho can turn the worldan jeton with her smile . S who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile . Well its you girl, and you should know it. With each glance and every Little Movement you show it. Youre gonna make it after all. It takes a long time to get to the top. Youre gonna make it after all. But with americas best youre gonna make it after all. Bumpertobumper limited youre gonna make it after all. Warranty, the allnew Volkswagen Tiguan will be there every step ow of the way. whispering dad trust me, we are going viral. Ing to work . kids laughing whispering mom lets send in max. kids max max now this, is internet gold going viral . Get scrubbing bubbles clean and disinfect. What . 20,000 views sc johnson. Ladies and gentleman this is a robbery. What are you doing after this . cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back youve seen my next guest on the newsroom, American Horror story and now mr. Robot. Are we friends . Yes. We live together, i feel like i dont even know you. Alexa, whats your favorite color . Infrared is super pretty. Alexa, do you have a boyfriend . Im not the dating kind. Yeah, me, too, hon. Stephen please welcome grace gummer cheers and applause hello. Come on up band playing isnt it lovely . Yeah. Stephen nice to see you. Nice to see you, too. Stephen im excited for the third season of mr. Rough bod. It starts this week. October 11. Stephen when you do a show where everybody wants to know whats going to happen, do you know whats going to happen or only your part of the script . No, i to know everything. Stephen can you tell us anything . Knotting. Does the world look more or less like our world because its harrowing how much the world looks like our world. Yeah, but were still in obama days on the show, so everythings better. Stephen even though everythings terrible, everythings better. Yeah. applause piano riff stephen you and remi malek know each other before the robot. Yes. Stephen you and larry crowne. Everybody starts chanting when i say that name. Were you excited to get to Work Together again . Yes, i texted him and said were going to spend time together and we have jet to have a scene together, so thats not exciting as i thought. Stephen youre doing scenes with alexei. I am, who i have an alexei by the way. Stephen okay. Are you okay with something listening to you all the time . No, i dont trust her. Stephen really . Hes on my bleep list. Stephen why . What tid she do to you . D she orm nt wa you did nt . Di no, shes just always there and listening. Shes like my girlfriend that wont go away. I dont know, shes weird. Stephen unlike a girlfriend, you cant unplug her. Yes, but i still dont trust her, i think shes still listening to everything. Shes hooked up to my wifi. She probably has eyes, she can see around my apartment. I dont know. Stephen that stuff doesnt bother me. They say people are watching you through the camera on your computer, im, like, ah, im glad somebody wants to see me. You dont put the tape over your no, im just needy enough. I always love to be on camera. I didnt get into this business because i wanted not to be stared at. Fair enough. laughter stephen i dont have one. Whats the up side of having this . I dont use it. I dont trust it so i dont use it. Stephen did you buy it . No, i was given it as a gift for the show. Stephen wow. I used it to test it out before i did all the scenes and she said exactly what she is scripted to say in the show so i tested her out. Stephen so thats actually alexeis responses to the questions . Yes, those are accurate, real life. Stephen i could see becoming friends with an inanimate object. Really . Stephen yeah. Didnt you have a teddy bear when you were a child . Yeah, but it didnt talk to you and buy stuff for you. Stephen even better. It can turn on your air conditioning and buy your flights. Stephen it can do that . Yeah. Stephen my friends dont do that. laughter heres something that people already know about you, but this is a picture of your mother meryl streep when she was about your age and you look startlingly alike. I only show this to say you grew up with a famous mother, youve worked with very famous people. At this point in your career, do you get star struck at all with people . All the time. I actually, in fact, met Anthony Bourdain today and i almost threw myself on him and peed in my pants at the same time. Stephen he does it for you, hu . Yes, hes so cool. Stephen Anthony Bourdain . Yes stephen youve worked with tom hanks. Anthonys lovely, dont get me wrong, but, you know, he goes and eats bugs i know but he has the best job ever and hes so good at it and he has that, you know, voice. Stephen i bet you could get that job. Really . Stephen id pay to see you eat bugs. Really . Stephen i think so. I dont want to eat bugs. Stephen well, another thing about you and your mother that people may not know is i was on faces of america as your mother and we had our dna sequenced, and we found out that your family and my family, we are cousins. Yes. Stephen somewhere in the last ten generations. So in the past 200 years there is a common ancestor between the two of us. So when i see your mom i say, hey, coz, whats up . And she says, hey, who are you . The thing, is if were cousins, we should have a Family Reunion some time. We should. Stephen how about thanksgiving dinner . Thats when you get together with relatives you dont know. Or like. laughter stephen do you have anything traditional . I love the canned cranberry sauce. Stephen slides out, you slice it. Love it. Stephen turkey, stuffing . Peace, matched potatoes, gravy. Stephen we should get together, do that, have the mashed potatoes, everything. Could i invite somebody . Yes, please. Stephen Morgan Freeman, would you like to come . I love gravy. cheers and applause stephen fantastic. The three of us. Grace gummer, good to see you. Good to see you. Stephen stephen season three of mr. Robot premieres wednesday on usa. Grace gummer, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause band playing ah, dinner. Throughout history, the one meal when we come together, break bread, share our day and connect as a family. [ bloop, clicking ] and connect, as a family. Just, uh one second voice guy. [ bloop ] huh . Hey . I paused it. Bam, family time. So how is everyone . Find your awesome with xfinity xfi and change the way you wifi. cheers and applause stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be kathy bates and comedian nathan mcintosh. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Michael Fassbender and ana de armas. Good night cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org itll be all right its the late, late show ladynd ladies and gentlemen, all the