Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240714

Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, dems fightin word. Plus, stephen welcomes live, jake tapper and jon lovett. Featuring live jon batiste and stay human. And now, live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause wooo oh, yeah beautiful beautiful hello, my friends lights, camera, action its live. Jon were live wooo stephen happy thursday. Happy live day. Audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen feel it feel it, baby cheers and applause nice, gorgeous. Thank you, my friend, down here, up there. Whats going on . Thanks, everybody. Hi, chris. Ladies and gentlemen, so nice. Its electric, jon. Its electric. Jon its electric in here. Stephen welcome, one and all. Welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, everybody out there watching, everybody in here, down there, up there, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. And we are coming to you live right now cheers and applause we couldnt legally, we couldnt put that up in if wasnt true after the third democratic president ial debate. Tonights debate was a big step forward in the primary, because it narrowed democrats down to the top 10. laughter which means were this close to the fantasy suites laughter and we got some neverbeforeseen matchups between the heavyweights. Tonight was the first time biden and warren shared the debate stage. And the fireworks started early. Before the debate even began, a biden aide said that the former v. P. Would target warren by arguing that we need more than plans. Warrens team responded by releasing her plan for when we need more than plans plan. laughter applause cheers and applause she has a plan for that. Jon a plan. Stephen for that. The debate started, of course, with opening statements, and andrew yang came out strong. In america today, everything revolves around the almighty dollar. Stephen exactly thank you too much stock is being put on money today and i am sure you now have something to say that wont totally undercut that point. Thats why im going to do something unprecedented tonight. My campaign will now give a freedom dividend of 1,000 a month for an entire year to ten american families. Stephen woooo daddys got deep pockets vote for me, and ill make it rain shake em up, ladies. Ive got a lot of cash. Uhhuh. Money, money, money Kamala Harris promised to address voters needs. I plan on spending tonight talking with you about my plans to address the problems that keep you up at night. Stephen youre gonna talk to me about that time in third grade where i called my teacher mom . laughter now, Bernie Sanders, of course, looks like a man who always carries a lozenge in his pocket, well, tonight it should have been unwrapped. We must and will defeat trump, the most dangerous president in the history of this country. Stephen as bernie almost as dangerous as the bumblebee that i swallowed before this debate. cheers and applause got it right there i am going into anaphylactic shock, which would be covered under medicare for all. applause warren showed her folksy roots. I had two little kids, and when childcare nearly brought me down, my aunt bee moved in and saved us all. Stephen wait hold what . Aunt bea . Is Elizabeth Warren from mayberry . Can she make barney National Security adviser . Now, the frontrunner, joe biden, was feeling the urgency of the national moment. I refuse to postpone one more minute. Stephen because i clearly dont have a lot of time left. laughter applause and biden took aim at Elizabeth Warrens previous alignment with Bernie Sanders. I know that the senator says shes for bernie. Well, im for barack. Stephen oooh he mentioned obama for those playing at home, time to take a drink. cheers and applause oh, mmm. Mmm. Oh mmm. It really helps you pretend obamas still president. Now, biden, biden painted medicare for all as too expensive and bernie wasnt having any of it. Every study done shows that medicare for all is the most costeffective approach to providing health care to every man, woman, and child in this country. I wrote the damn bill, if i may say so. Stephen as bernie and its imperative that we overhaul healthcare in this country, before the parasite embedded in my throat works its way up to my brain and starts controlling my every word and deed because laughter applause i am the senator from phlemsivvainia. The sparks this is where the sparks flew a lot of night. Sparks flew between biden and bernie here. Let us be clear, joe. In the United States of america, we are spending twice as much per capita on health care as the canadians or any other major country on earth. This is america. Stephen take that take that, folks who say biden is gaffeprone. He just accurately identify which country he is in hes back, baby. Though, though im not sure what that meant. Im really not sure what that meant. Though, biden did have one of his classic gaffes when he tried to refer back to senator sanders. Nobodys yet said how much its going to cost the taxpayer. I hear this large savings, the president thinks. My friend from vermont thinks. Stephen as biden the president thinks, sorry, i mean, president sanders. I mean im sorry. I meant commander in chief sanders. Im sorry, i mean, colonel sanders. His plan is fingerlicking bad one of the most dramatic moments was when Julian Castro went after not only bidens health care plan, but bidens favorite name to drop. Barack obamas vision was not to leave ten Million People uncovered. He wanted every Single Person in this country covered. My plan would do that. Your plan would not. They do not have to buy in. They do not have to buy in. You just said that you just said that two minutes ago. You just two minutes ago they would have to buy in. biden crosstalk if you qualify for medicaid you would automatically are you forgetting what you said two minutes ago . Stephen oooh the crowd did not like julian playing the old man card. He should really rethink your new slogan castro 2020 shove the elderly onto an ice floe. Dont worry, julian. Its not like old people vote. The moderators didnt pull any punches with Kamala Harris over criminal justice reform. You used to oppose the legalization of marijuana. Now you dont. You used to oppose outside investigations of police shootings. Now you dont. You said you changed on these and other things because you were swimming against the current, and, thankfully, the currents have changed. But when you had the power, why didnt you try to effect change then . audience applause stephen and a quick followup question are you a cop . You have to tell me if youre a cop. And then, joe biden made a very bold proposal gaffe. Nobody should be in jail for a nonviolent crime. Stephen . To which one nonviolent criminal said as trump oh, thank god. Joe 2020. Im too pret for jail. I gotta go with joe. Beto got impassioned about gun control, and he was really ready to take a big swing. Hell, yes, were going to take your ar15, your ak47 applause were not going to allow it to be used against our fellow americans anymore. cheers and applause stephen damn beto went there. That takes courage. And not just political courage people in texas have a lot of guns. laughter andrew yang took a moment to humanize himself, tell his story, and talked about his immigrant father. My father grew up on a peanut farm in asia with no floor, and now his son is running for president. Stephen and the humble background games are officially open. laughter can anyone here tonight beat nofloor peanut farm . The bidding starts at slept in a bucket behind a cockfight. Anyone . Anyone . Do i hear, my mother grew up under a potato farm with no roof . Anyone . Kamala harris ended her trade talk with a zing against the man in charge. But the bottom line is this donald trump in office on trade policy, you know, he reminds me of that guy in the wizard of oz. When you pull back the curtain, its a really small dude. cheers and applause stephen okay, okay, i get the metaphor. But that guy from the wizard of oz . You mean the wizard of oz . laughter as harris im going to fight for you. Im going to fight for you like that guy from rambo. you know, that guy, whatever that guy was. Then, mayor pete weighed in on americas overseas wars. The best way not to be caught up in endless war is to avoid starting one in the first place. Stephen wait a second. You were asked about getting out of afghanistan, and your proposal is not to have started the war . Do you have a time machine . Because that would make sense. For petes sake, doc brown is right there as bernie the top applause the top 1 have 1. 21 gigawatts laughter applause univisions jorge ramos asked cory booker about the ethics of bookers vegan diet. After the recent fires in the amazon, some experts suggested that eating less meat is one way to help the environment. You are a vegan since 2014. Thats, obviously, a personal choice. Should more americans including those here in texas, and in iowa follow your diet . You know, first of all, i actuly, i to translate i stephen thats a pretty good joke. Its all part of bookers new comedy special, press 1 for english, press 2 for hilarious. laughter applause jon thats so wrong stephen Amy Klobuchar addressed Climate Change with this timely reference this is the existential crisis of our time. Its you know that movie, the day after tomorrow . Its today. Stephen as klobuchar and you know that movie yesterday . Thats tomorrow. Jon wow. applause stephen biden got technological when talking about education. Play the radio. Make sure the television excuse me, make sure you have the record player on at night, the phon make sure that kids hear words. Stephen as biden crank the victrola and put on the mitch miller get yourself a new wireless set and gather around the whole family. Listen to f. D. R. Give it good to tojo and his boys so in the end what did we get . Ten candidate, four moderators, two languages, and hopefully one person who can beat donald trump. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Mr. Jake tapper is here. But when we return, trump gave a speech tonight. Did you know that . I bet you didnt know that. Stick around. I bet you didnt know that. Stick around. Im sorry . What teach here isnt telling you is that snapshot rewards safe drivers with discounts on car insurance. What . Or maybe he didnt know. [ chuckles ] im done with this class. Youre not even enrolled in this class. 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Of course, just because its not his big day, donald trump will not be ignored. So while the democrats were fighting it out in texas, trump was speaking at the House Republican conference member retreat in baltimore. And on his way up there, trump turned the helicopter rotors up to 11 and paused for a quick episode of now, right off the beam, reporters asked about trumps search to replace john bolton as National Security adviser, and he told them hes got plenty of options. Ac a lot of people want the job, and we and it is a great job. It is great because it is lot of fun to work with donald trump. laughter stephen really . Really . Really gs fun to work for you . Then, how come everyone who leaves your administration immediately writes a book with a title like cave of hate snakes . as trump yes, its a lot of fun to work with donald trump. Hes unpredictable. He sometimes experiences a psychotic break where he dissociates and refers to in the third trump had some nice things to say about all his potential opponents. Are there any democrats debating tonight that you actually respect . I respect all of them. All of them . I respect every one. Let me tell you, it takes a lot of courage to run for office. I respect all of them. Stephen as trump i respect them all of them sleepy joe, pocahontas, crazy bernie, beto odork. laughter now, the moment the democrats were taking the stage is this true the moment they were taking the stage, trump began his speech to the republicans down in baltimore. Didnt have much of a point. Ge bragged a lot, told one of his patented madeup stories about people coming up to him to thank him. People come up to me all the time. Thank you, sir. My 401 k is up 72 , whatever it may be numbers theyve never had before. Nobodys ever seen anything like m. laughter stephen as trump they come up to me and say, sir, my 401 k is up numbers theyve never seen before florptyfive, and bundillion and velve. 17, but in 17, the 7s a dragons head. Sir, im worried im going unsane. Trump defended his administrations recent rollback of light bulb efficiency rules. The bulb that were being forced to use, number one, to me, most importantly, the lights no good. I always look orange. laughter and so do you. Nt stephen no no jon wow whoa stephen no, just you. as trump d look orange. And so do you. The lights also make you look like a pile of raw ground beef in a suit, and they and they make you forget how to close an umbrella. While criticizing the Green New Deal that some of the democrats have proposed, he took a detour to slam his own partys House Minority leader, kevin mccarthy. No more cows, no more planes, i guess no more people. Because kevin is just like a cow. Hes just smaller. I had to pick somebody for that one, kevin, and i just looked at that beautiful, political face of yours. Stephen as trump sorry, kev. The sorry, kev. I had to pick someone. What else was i supposed to do, not call one of the leaders of my party a cow . Oh, i shouldnt . I shouldnt do that . Well, thats exactly what a big, wht cow would say, kevin. T . O, kevin. Come omoo. Somebody milk this guy come on, shake them udders. He likes it, though, he likes this. Then, he dazzled the crowd with his impressions of chinese president xi jinping yeah. Thats exactly what i thought when i heard this. And joe biden. And president xi of china, he is tough. Oh, boy, he is a furious kind of atguy. Great guy. He is dying to see he wants sleepy joe. Can you imagine those two guys in a room . Here is xi. makes crazy noise and here is sleepy joe. What . Where am i . Where am i . Just sign here, sleepy joe, just sign here. Stephen what the hell was that . What was that . I dont know. I guess now we know what its like when donald trump reads you a bedtime story. as trump and the xi goes arghhhh, the sleepy joe goes what . the truck goes honk, and the cow goes, hi, im kevin mccarthy. ev applause he also told one of his favorite new fake anecdotes. I tell the story of a man who hates me, one of the most successful business people, always hated me, and ive always hated him. I cant stand that guy. Stephen as trump and the successful businessman in that story. Sf me. Im a very troubled man. All of this is all a cry for help. He even found a way to complain about another countrys poll numbers. You know, there was a poll recently that obama is much more popular in germany than i am. Of course, he is. Stephen as trump wm much more popular with the people that used to live in germany but now have always lived in argentina. Always. Ul cheers and applause the argentine, ve have always been argentine and he concluded by saying whatever the hell this is we will win, win, win, and we will keep on winning. You know, i tell that story, and some people love it. And probably some dont, but i think they all love it. Im going to win in a place like here we go, im going to use dan as an example. Stephen uhoh. as trump dan, dan, youre a horse. Youre a big, fat, smelly horse. Somebody ride dan. Give him some oats. Put a saddle on him. Horse dan, go stand with cow kevin, okay. You guys are luke those animal pairings that everybody just loves. He also whipped out a new last name for his Vice President. It was an incredible meeting. I sat around and Chuck Grassley was there, and joni ernst, and john thune, and mike pounds. laughter sa stephen as trump yeah, they were all there. I gotta say, mike pounce i love that mike pounce. Hes a big believer in crissyanity, and our lord and savior, jerbus. Well be right back with jake tapper. Jake get a suit on get a suit on well be right back with jake tapper. Jake get a suit on get a suit on Classical Music playing throughout no i, i cant feel the heat yet dont let it catch you ever since you brought me home, that day. Ive been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love . This is a billion years of tiger dna just ready to pounce. And if you have the wrong Home Insurance coverage, you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get allstate and be better protected from mayhem, like meow. The ross fall Fashion Event has all the looks for way less. So your new outfit. Whoa . Can just keep getting better. Yes oh, yeah, youre getting that. Or you can find that one dress. Yes yesss. Thats perfect for you. Or that jacket that says, check me out, at a price that makes you say. Check this out thats yes for less. Get the brands you love and save 20 to 60 off Department Store prices. At the ross fall Fashion Event. On now. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Emmy Awardwinning journalist who hosts the lead, and state of the union on cnn. Please welcome our friend, mr. Jake tapper. Hello, mr. Jake tapper. There. Stephen there you go. Please wooo stephen nice to see you again. How are you doing . Im well. I bring you greetings from Vice President pounds. Stephen excellent, excellent. Thats his new name. Stephen thank you for being here. You had a full day already with the news, traffic on the ones, what you guys do over there. Third debate. Yes. Stephen i have to say i want to get into who you think uon. But, ultimately, didnt america win that theres only one night of debates this time . Wasnt that isnt that satisfying . You get to see everybody at once up there . I think but you know america is going to lose, because in the next debates its qualified and nowain, because there are 11 candidates so it will probably be a five and a six. To stephen what can we do to take stier out . I cant do two nights of this why cant they do 11 . Is there some law it cant be a prime number . I agree. I did an 11person debate. Stephen when . The reagan debate in 2013, the Reagan Library debate, and Carly Fiorina remember she campaigned her way on to the stage and we did 11. Stephen youve hosted these debates before. You hosted one of the democratic debates already. Thats right. Stephen exactly. What is it like when you have that huge gang up there . Because ive been trying to think back to the 20152016 debates when there were 17 republicans at one point. What is like to ride herd on those people . Its not fun. Its not and Stephen Bernie sanders accused you in the last debate that you moderated of using g. O. P. Talk point he almost did that to stephanopoulos tonight, too, with the same kind of yeah, it wasnt a very effective g. O. P. Talk point. G. O. P. Talking point about medicare for all is the lines are going to be long, people will die, all i did was say your taxes will go, the premiums will be eliminated, there will be universal coverage. We gaimed it out. We figured he would attack me anyway. Stephen how much did Mitch Mcconnell pay you . Do you expect that kind of pushback from candidates . Yeah. Like i said, we do these mock debates, these very talented producers learn the parts, and we go through them just to see, like, what questions will be will be good . Stephen do you need anybody to play bernie . Ntcause i really love doing that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa stephen do you back seat drive when youre watching . You can watch it and enjoy it or ho you back seat drive, come on, george follow up the question. Do you moderate the screen. Certainly not george. I thought he did a great job. I think what is it like when you go see carrot top . What is it stephen mostly im just asking him for workout help, you know. He is shredded like a julienned salad. Lets get to the debates. 10 people on stage. Five months till iowa. Who was thirsty where you and i met, didnt we. Stephen we met in iowa. Isnt that sweet. Stephen we dont have time for that story tonight. Who was thirsty for a big moment . And who actually got one . I dont think anyone got a big moment. I didnt see anything happen tonight thats going to change the trajectory too much of the three frontrunners, warren, biden, and sanders. Stephen what did you make of i thought that was bold of beto going, hell, yeah, im coming for your ar15s, and ak47s. I think we know hes to the of not going to run for senate in texas. Stephen i guess so, i guess so. I mean, you cant get universal background checks through the senate. I dont know how youre going to get 16 million ar15s and semiautomatic weapons confiscated. Stephen who else do you think did well . I think cory booker had a good night, senator cory booker had a good night. Stephen was there a specific moment . His message is different from the other candidates. He has this very uplifting message of love and bringing the country together. And its just different. I dont know if its going to be enough for him. I mean, right now, joe biden is still the frontrunner at about 24 . And then you have sanders and warren, each just under 20. Thats almost twothirds of the democratic electorate is with those three candidates. So its going to be tough to burst through. And even candidates that have burst through, like Kamala Harris, in that first debate, you then have to capitalize on it. And it didnt really work out for her. Stephen she kind of faded after that. Her Second Attack at joe, the second time around, didnt happen. Yeah. Stephen now, there was a lot of there was a lot of backandforth between Julian Castro and joe biden. Yeah the audience didnt seem stephen is somebody paying Julian Castro to attack joe biden or did joe biden kick Julian Castros dog . It was a tough attack. He seemed to be suggesting that soe biden wasnt all there and had forgotten something he had said. Stephen right. And there were several attacks, not just that one. The one about like, you want the credit for obamas good things but not his bad things. I mean, cory booker had done that at the last debate. He was just smilier about it, so maybe you didnt remember it. But the one about the age i tought was a look, hes castros campaign is struggling, and he needs to hes really trying to make this generational argument. And there are other candidates congressman ryan from ohio who didnt make the debate stage who has also said that joe biden is not as sharp as he used to be, and not as eloquent as he used to be. But you saw the audience turned on castro when he said that. It was and, also, i think he was wrong. I think what biden thinks he had said he had actually said. Stephen right, that is actually i thinkings that the fact check, what he was accusing biden of saying, you said we inve to pay in. He never said that. Yeah. Stephen and he was kind of mean and inaccurate. And on that happy note we have to take a quick commercial break. Well be back with more jake tapper talking warren and biden. Lets see what happens. Mean and inaccurate. And on that happy note we have to take a quick commercial break. Well be back with more jake tapper talking warren and biden. Lets see what happens. This is mia. This is mias pulse. With pressure rising, and racing. This is also mias pulse. That her doctor keeps in check, so she can find balance. This is and now its more stable than ever. This is what medicare from Blue Cross Blue Shield does for mia. 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There was great Senate Testimony stephen i heard about that Senate Testimony, dog toat was great, Senate Testimony im just helping you make fun of yourself. Thats what im doing. Just caught myself. I actually say things like this, theres that great Senate Testimony. Stephen but they didnt really go after each other. Tonight, no, no. Stephen maybe him toward her more than her toward him. Yeah, he said, how are you going to pay for all this . There was more standoff between sanders and biden warren doesnt like to attack people. When she does when she went after delaney. She said, i dont know why all these people are running for president to tell us what they dont want to do or cant do, or whatever and it was like a clean cut, he was bleed ago. Stephen sure, sure. I dont remember his name at this point. Hes still running stephen he is . Yeah, sure. Stephen hes still running . John delaney, absolutely. Stephen he did great tonight. Lets talk about people lump warren and sanders together. They do share a lot of the same policy views when it comes to medicare for all and the Green New Deal. Stephen hes a democratic socialist. Yeah. Stephen biden even went like, well, im not a socialist over here to bernie tonight. She calls herself i think she calls it a managed capitalist, or a regulated capitalist. Rn she has a different term for it. Stephen do you think they differ about it . I think theyre different in how they are as politicians. I dont think theyre different in who they believe in. Stephen is it like the highlander. Is one going to drop out and it will be one person against biden . I have a hard time imagining any of those three dropping out. I think theyll go all the way to the end. Im not very good at predictions so dont believe anything i say. Ag the same way Hillary Clinton stayed in the race until the very end, even though obama was going to be the nominee, and Bernie Sanders did the same thing to her. I think all three of them have a really strong case, and all three really think they will be best president so i think they will. Stephen what would you call bidens message . To me, bidens message feels a little bit like to me, you know how you used to feel . I am that feeling. Feel me. laughter . I dont think his message is feel me. laughter cheers stephen on that, we must go. Jake, lovely to see you. S he lead with jake tapper airs weekdays on cnn. Jake tapper, everybody drum roll and the record for longestlasting aa battery goes to. cymbal crash energizer ultimate lithium. Guinness World Records title holder for longestlasting aa battery. paul Wireless Network claims americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. The best network is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. I mean i think Sprints Network and savings are great, but dont just take my word for it. 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And raised our right hand for. To be honest they really dont need to thank us. It was our honor. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Displ ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the live its live late show after the democratic debate. My next guest is a former speechwriter for obama who hosts two of the most popular podcasts n the country. From pod save america and lovett or leave it, please welcome, jon lovett applause cheers and applause stephen nice to see you again. Nice to see you. Stephen thank for being here live. Yeah stephen now, you were a speechwriter for. Joe bidens best friend, i think history has called it. Yeah. Stephen so you know what its like to be the people backstage at a debate watching your candidate do their thing. Who do you think out there had whod speechwriters prepping them . Who had Good Communications people out there . Who impressed you . So. There have been bad debates that left you feeling really sad. laughter stephen sure. But this wasnt one of them. And i thought for the most part, each candidate kind of demonstrated why theyre in the race. I think no one is better than Elizabeth Warren at connecting an answer to a deeper philosophy for why shes running. I thought betos answers on guns was incredibly powerful. Cory booker is outstanding at taking an important policy debate and rooting it in emotion and pain, which the country is going through. So look, im just so proud of all of them. I just think they all did so good stephen okay. Except for the part where Julian Castro kept saying to biden, why are you hitting yourself . Why are are you hitting yourself . Stephen are there any lines tonight you said, i could have written that. Or i wish i had written that. There are a few lines i believe i couldnt have written. Stephen there must be times when you said, oh, god oh, no, dont say that. There were some rough jokes. You know,ou pointed out that ye person behind the curtain is the wizard of oz, which is laughter there he is. And its worth its worth noting something about this person. The point of the wizard of oz is not that the man behind the curtain is short. The point of the wizard of oz is that the man behind the curtain is not a wizard cheers and applause listen listen stephen are you offended because youre a wizard . Listen, all right stephen it kind of looks like donald trump, though. Take a look at him. It kind of looks like donald trump . Its a great metaphor. Trump is tall half of all voters stephen Pay Attention what, half of all voters are short . Theyre shorter than average. By def right, right . Stephen i guess so. I guess so. Im just saying. Im just saying. I know she didnt mean it. I hope she doesnt have to apologize. Stephen biden is the frontrunner. And i thought he had a pretty good showing tonight. Gu yeah. Stephen anything more you want to say about the guy you used to work with for eight years . Come on biden obama i cant tell them apart anymore jabarack obiden theyre the same guy. Why no love from the obama camp for joe . I think theres an incredible amount of love. Stephen how about support publicly . Well, thats a different thing. But the no, no. I think theres an incredible love for joe biden. But there are people who work for obama who support biden, they support warren, they support Michael Bennet r. I. P. There are all kinds of people hes still alive. He just didnt make the debate polm down. No, but, look, i think we see whenever this was a good night for joe biden. But with joe biden i think we see the good and the bad. I think there were answers that were strong. I think he did better than before. Stephen he had a lot of facts and figures at his fingertips. And there are remarks that are halting and hard to follow. I think a lot of people prone to support joe biden underestimate joe biden. Its not just name recognition. Its not that he worked for barack obama. Its somebody whose candidacy and career is rooted in genuine loss and pain that i think is relevant to a lot of people, that reminds people why they like joe biden. I think when he gets attacked, when he gets maligned, when people sneer at him, i think they underestimate his strength and theres a reason he remains on top. Stephen theres a new poll from abc News Washington post tcby, has trump losing to the top five democrats. Obviously, were all scared from isleading polls from 2016. As somebody who, again, has been there intimately and seen the internal polling on campaigns, can we trust polls at all . Yes, but dont. Stephen you heard him. Five people that was confusing. Stephen five people are going to beat trump heres the thing i get why were all looking at polls. Our brains are profoundly broken. We are we are drowning in political coverage. We want this nightmare to end. We want someone to give us certainty. Aist tell me. Please, tell me that its going to be over soon and so you click up stephen yes. You click up your little polls and they say, its going to be over soon. But the only way its going to be over is if we do our part to make it over. And one of the lessons of 2016 is spend a little less time worrying about what you expect to happen and worry a little bit more about what you can do to make what you want to happen, by the strolle s hey. Hey. You must be stevens phone. Know whos on your network and control who shouldnt be with xfinity xfi. Switch to xfinity internet for 29. 99 a month for 12 months and get complete control over your Home Wifi Network with xfinity xfi. Call. Click. Or visit a store today. Stephen thats it for the late show. Now stick around for james corden good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show