No apparent reason the big barge theory. laughter then, one is a seasoned tough asnails investigator. The other is adam schiff. Together, with one other guy, they are pelosi, schiff and macgyver. laughter finally, a sitcom about a president raising his two half witted sons while violating the constitution. Two and a half brains. laughter and applause its all happening right here on cbs and local ukranian affiliates. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight ukraine wreck. Plus, stephen welcomes Jennifer Aniston. And Thomas Middleditch. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on hey how are you . How are you . cheers and applause perfect hey thanks, everybody. Delightful. Thank you much. Please, have a seat. Youre too kind. Thank you very much. Welcome, one and all to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. Regardless folks, regardless of the endless roadblocks, the president and his axis of allies are trying to throw in front of it, the impeachment inquiry keeps moving forward. And the republicans keep sinking lower. They hit rock bottom a while ago, but in the last 24 hours, theyve gotten out the blasting caps, and they are fracking americas moral bedrock. laughter ill tell you all about it in tonights installment of don and the giant impeach. cheers and applause the impeachment of your president is a scam. Stephen trump trump has constantly complained that all the evidence about his ukrainian phone call was hearsay. But today, the house heard testimony from a firsthand witness director of European Affairs at the National Security council, and military john hodgman, colonel alexander vindman. laughter now, during trumps ukrainian phone call, vindman was listening in from the situation room, so it wasnt hearsay. Vindman could actually hear the bad stuff trump say. laughter vindman explained, i listened in on the call in the situation room with colleagues from the n. S. C. And the office of the vice president. As the transcript is in the public record, we are all aware of what was said. Yes, we all are. Ukraine said they were ready for more military aid. Then trump said, i want you to do us a favor, though, and then asked for dirt on the bidens and the d. N. C. Pretty bald. Its like if the sixth sense were called bruce willis doesnt know hes dead. laughter jon spoiler alert there. Stephen spoiler alert. laughter jon yeah. Stephen now, vindmans testimony directly contradicts that of ambassador to the e. U. And jeandouche picard, gordon sondland. laughter ambassador sondland told house investigators that no one had raised concerns about the president s actions. Yes, vindman did not raise concerns. All he did was convey certain concerns, share his concerns, reported his concerns, and again reported his concerns. laughter its a classic case of he said, he said, he said, he said. laughter vindman complained at least twice . Twice, to the National Security council lawyer. Once, he even went in person to speak with him, accompanied by his identical twin brother, yevgeny, who is a lawyer on the National Security council. Wait the wha . he has a twin brother who also serves on the n. S. C. . Lets check him out. Aww its so cute when twins dress alike. laughter their dramatic story is chronicled in the new kids movie, the president trap. laughter vindmans record is sterling. According to his opening statement, for more than two decades, it has been my honor to serve as an officer in the United States army. I served multiple overseas tours in iraq. I was wounded in an i. E. D. Attack and awarded the purple heart. The privilege of serving my country is not only rooted in my military service but also in my personal history. I sit here as a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States army, an immigrant. Wow, that last part cheers and applause crazy. That last part must have come as a huge shock to donald trump. as trump what do you mean, hes an immigrant . laughter i didnt know those came in white you know what, he must be audience boos you know what . It must be some sort of man lania. laughter now, i think its fair to say that, unlike donald trump, vindmans character is unimpeachable. But that didnt stop all the president s toadies from questioning his loyalty. He is from the soviet union. He emigrated here and has an affinity to the ukranian people. Mr. Vindman, hes an adviser to the president. Um, he is a former ukrainian. He has an affinity, i think, for the ukraine. He speaks ukrainian. He came from the country. Im of irish descent. I still love the irish. Um, and he has an affinity probably for his homeland. Stephen yes, my family are all from ireland, too. Ive always had a great affinity for the irish, until i found out this ass bleep was one. I wonder. I wonder applause i wonder if the scots will take me. Todays hearings were secret, but pretty soon, were going to know everything, because last night Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent a letter to House Democrats announcing that the house will vote to formalize the procedures in the ongoing impeachment inquiry of president trump. She even sent out postcards save the date, and our democracy. laughter pelosi cheers and applause i dont know what to wear. I dont know what to wear, jon jon oh, man you got to find something Stephen Pelosi insists that no formal vote is necessary to impeach a president , but says that trump and his supporters argue that, because the house has not taken a vote, they may simply pretend the impeachment inquiry does not exist. Yes, trumps strategy on a lot of things is just to pretend it doesnt exist. Uh, the popular vote, the constitution, salad. laughter eric. laughter now, pelosi promises that the resolution creates hearings that are open to the american people. That means live televised hearings. Its going be the highest ratings for cspan since watergate, when Congress Heard testimony from the fonz. laughter mr. Fonzarelli, do you wear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . as fonz ayyyyyy laughter applause whoa. Ayyyyyy. Trump reacted on twitter to the looming Impeachment Vote nervous nancy pelosi is doing Everything Possible to destroy the republican party. Our polls show that it is going to be just the oppidite. laughter yes. cheers and applause the oppidite. The oppidite, my friends. Well, mr. President , you are clearly the oppidite of innocent, and will likely be imbeefed. laughter the vote to formalize the impeachment inquiry will be held on thursday, and that very night, my guest will be nancy pelosi. cheers and applause yes. Boom come on fancy nancy. That night, that night, of course, is also halloween. So were calling it nancy peghostys Haunted House screampeachment sinquiry into the president s quid pro crow with bookraine cheers and applause we should call it that. We should really call it that. Vindman is not the only veteran coming forward with harrowing stories from the white house, because we just got some new dish from former white house chief of staff and man embodying the phrase what the hell . General john kelly. laughter kelly left the white house in january of. Im going to guess 1852. laughter at an event, just last weekend . Last weekend, he revealed a warning he gave trump while he was looking for a new chief of staff. We were still in the process of trying to find someone to take my place. I said, whatever you do, dont dont hire a yes man, someone thats going to tell you wont tell you the truth. Dont do that. Because if you do, i believe you will be impeached. Stephen yes, john kelly has psychic powers. laughter he can foretell the obvious. Hes nostradumbass. laughter trump responded to kellys criticism in a statement saying, john kelly never said that. He never said anything like that. If he would have said that, i would have thrown him out of the office. He just wants to come back into the action like everybody else does. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Kelly just misses the action i mean, just look at how much fun he had laughter trump wasnt the only one cheers and applause yeah, like gum in my mouth. Of all the nights. Trump wasnt the only one who had harsh words for kelly. So did White House Press secretary and stepford spokesman, stephanie grisham, who said, i worked with john kelly, and he was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great president. Audience boo stephen yeah, yeah. That was a slow build. laughter now, sounds like trumps buddy, kim jongun, has really rubbed off on him. Matter of fact, north koreas news leader has also been reporting this story. laughter stephen thats a good deal. Theyve got great deals going on. applause fantastic deals going on. Now, last night, the president and the first lady hosted their third halloween at the white house. Its kind of cute. In keeping with tradition, trump welcomed children of military families, as well as local Elementary School students, for trickortreating. What a spooky experience for those children as kid its that big, creepy house on the end of the block. They say the old man who lives there wears hair made from dead people laughter so he looks like hes wearing somebody elses skin laughter to kick things off, the president and the first lady walked out to the Addams Family theme song. Take a look. Addams Family theme plays thats nice. Thats nice. Also makes sense. The trumps are creepy, kooky, and have their own uncle fester. laughter cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Jennifer aniston is here. But when we return, meanwhile the deals keep coming at petsmart for black friday weekend save 40 on all holiday toys and apparel. Select top paw beds are only 9. 99. Plus, milk bone marosnacks are only 7. 99 this black friday weekend. At petsmart plaque psoriasis uncoverth clearer skin that can last. In fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. Tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremfya®. Uncover clearer skin that can last. Janssen can help you explore cost support options. chef no no no. Not de bunoney. De pepe. Me me mah . Es verde pepe. chef beaker not de flour. De pepe. chef aker yeah de pepe fozzie vo portal from facebook. beaker ah ah ah repeat after me. Hi am grateful. Audience i am grateful. I am getting all the gifts this holiday. This sunday and monday get fifty percent off everything online thats fifty percent off you get all the gifts on oldnavy. Com geico would like to take a moment to say thank you to our military Service Members at home and abroad for all their hard work and sacrifice. We all sleep easier knowing youre out there keeping us safe. And on a personal note. Sfx jet engines. I just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you. Geico proudly supporting the military for over 75 years. Stephen hey, everybody welcome back give it up for the band, jon batiste and stay human right there cheers and applause very nice. Very nice. Jon, im very excited. Im lit. Im lit. applause thank you very much im just as excited as you guys are, because, jon, Jennifer Aniston is going to be out here in just a moment. cheers and applause jon Jennifer Aniston. One of the friends stephen ive got good news to share with all of you. It turns out and i did not know this you are extremely kind and generous. Because, yesterday, i reminded you about Chef Jose Andres and his organization, world central kitchen, handing out over a million and a half meals to hurricane victims down in the bahamas. applause still in big trouble down there. We at the late show are pitching in with proceeds from our book made up of dumb stuff trump said, whose boat is this boat . And today, thanks to you, our book has rocketed to number three on amazon cheers and applause you did it all proceeds all proceeds of this book will go to hurricane relief. Keep it going. You can go to www. Wck. Org, thats world central kitchen, and give generously, or you can just go buy the book. With your help, i know we can get to number one. Were already at the top of the charts in Atmospheric Sciences take that, clouds laughter sorry. Clouds. applause folks, you know i spend a lot of time over there, knitting the fine mongolian wool of the big news stories into the luxurious cashmere scarf that is my monologue. But sometimes i like to swing by joanns, grab a fistful of felt, some pipe cleaners, macaroni, and glitter and glue, and toss back an entire box of wine, and slap together the confusing holiday sweater of news that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause there it is. Meanwhile, according to new research, implanting false memories in a birds brain changes its tune. Okay. laughter what are we doing . Honestly, at long last, have we no decency . I look forward to these same scientists giving us headlines like koalas make brandnew facial expressions when you threaten their children in front of them, and if you hook up a car battery to a rainbows nipples, it turns all red. Yes. Rainbows have nipples. Some day, they found the rainbow connection. Really . Thats where you draw the line . At the idea of rainbows having nipples . Shame on you laughter meanwhile, its halloween, which means, just for tonight, meanwhile is dressing up as halloweenwhile. spooky music halloweenwhile, in spooky fast food news, burger king is selling a ghost whopper for halloween, because, as we know, the spirits of murdered whoppers never rest. Halloweenwhile, in other scary food news taco bell. laughter cheers and applause oh. Oh, theres more . Okay. Taco bell has recalled 2. 3 Million Pounds of beef for containing metal shavings. Yes, they discovered the metal shavings the first time a sober person ate taco bell. laughter applause halloweenwhile, a giant pumpkin weighing 2,175 pounds has set a california record and was grown by Leonardo Urena of napa, who says he enjoys the pumpkin growing community. Or, as they call it, the lifestyle. laughter well be right back with Jennifer Aniston. grandson wow. grandfather that was me, seventy years ago. vo some things are worth preserving. You can choose the National Park foundation to get two hundred and fifty dollars from subaru when you get a new subaru, like the all new outback. vo 2 get 0. 9 during the subaru share the love event. I am totally blind. And non24 can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the things i love to do. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442142424. save on hundreds ofk black friday doorbusters this thursday through saturday only. Save on home appliances, electronics and more. Dont miss the biggest doorbusters of the season. Black friday, only at target. And i like to question your im yoevery move. N law. Like this left turn. Its the next one. You always drive this slow . How did you make someone i love . That must be why youre always so late. I do not speed. And thats saving me cash with drivewise. My son, he did say that you were the safe option. And thats the nicest thing you ever said to me. So get allstate. Stop bossing. Where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. This is my sons favorite color, you should try it. [mayhem] you always drive like an old lady . [tina] youre an old lady. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back ladies and gentlemen, friends and neighbors, folks. This is a treat for you. Our next guest is a treat for me. You know my first guest from friends, office space, horrible bosses and cake. Her new series is the morning show. Its just an event. Really, just an event . Only with the worst timing ever. Id rather stick daggers into my eyeballs. Alex. What . How about you pretend to have Food Poisoning and just dont go . I cannot do that everyone in there will know that im lying, know that im uncomfortable and afraid, that im afraid of whats going to happen to me on the show in the wake of mitch. Everyone in there is press. They think they know everything. Half of them hate me because im too successful, and the other half hate me, i dont know, because their hearts are at home bleep in a jar oh, god oh, i cant cry stephen please welcome, Jennifer Aniston cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen lovely. cheers and applause hi stephen so nice to see you. Its so nice to see you oh, im so happy to be here. Hi stephen im so happy to meet you. As i was telling you backstage, i cant believe we havent met before. I cant believe it, either. Stephen i cant believe its taken so long for your first appearance on the show. What kept us apart for so long. Stephen you live in los angeles. We have a great mutual friend, david schwimmer. We went to college and you worked with him for a few years. A couple. I vaguely remember that. Hes a great guy. But i actually was on the show once, but i got bumped, and stephen i would remember bumping Jennifer Aniston. I promise. We want to thank Jennifer Aniston for stopping by. Well it wasnt i wasnt actually on. Our other mutual friend tig notaro was on. Stephen i think i know what youre talking about. She texted me. Stephen she said she was a friend of yours. And she is. And i said, do you have your number on your phone . And she is. And she is. And you said, lets text her now. And i said, did i make it . And she said, no, they cut it. I think we have a clip. Jim. She is a friend. I have to say that on national television. She is absolutely a friend. A very good friend. Stephen can i ask you something about jen . Yeah. Stephen she does a commercial where she has the lotion, and she drinks smart water, and the dry eye wheres she does the drops. Why does she lack moisture . Why do you lack moisture . laughter colbert here. Did you get that . I sure did. laughter stephen did you have any idea what was going on . I sure did not. Stephen what did you think when that came through . I thought tig was having a moment. By the way, not much of that was spelled correctly, which was if i read it back hey, you got to i got to get good with the thumbs. Anyway, it was a pleasure it was still a pleasure to be there, kind of. At least i got to have a text from you. That was exciting. Once she said it was actually you. Stephen im sorry we cut it. Thats all right. We just got it back. Stephen most of this will make it to air tonight, i think. Im fairly sure. Im pretty sure. Stephen would you like a card of your own . No, but i do like this. Stephen last night, congratulations, you had the premiere of your new show, the morning show. Yes, big premiere. Stephen here in new york. Where did you guys hold it . It was at lincoln center. Stephen thats fancy, it was really, it was amazing right, it was so fancy. Stephen that must have felt very special. It was so special, and it was also personally very special to me. It was in the david geffen hall, which used to be avery fisher haul. Stephen sure, sure. And i graduated from high school in that exact room where the show was aired. Stephen wow. applause stephen what high school. Performing arts. Performing arts. Laguardia, now. Performing arts. Audience member laguardia yes applause wow. See how its worth the scream like that. Where are you . Stephen its like a fight song, isnt it la guardia. It terrifies you every day when people yell that. Stephen now yes. Stephen you lived in new york when you were first an actress. I lived from age six to 20. I cant say i worked as an actress except for offoffoff off broadway. And i did a bobs big boy commercial. Stephen you did a bobs big boy. I did. That was my first job. Thats when i got my sag card. Stephen do you remember your line . I said, the shrimp is ready or something. I wasnt even bobs big boy. I was the competition of was not to go and get for fast food. Stephen sure you not as good as a bobs big boy. Exactly. Stephen you waited table . Where did you wait tables . Jackson hall hamburgers on 82th and columbus, which, sadly, just closed. Stephen did you work the sunday brunches there . Oh, yeah. Stephen because theyre like the fall of saigon. You cant believe how unbelievably crowded it is there. I know. The lines stephen were you a good waitress . No, i was a terrible waitress. I was a hostess, then they finally allowed me to be a waitress. Stephen because hostesses make no money. No, you just get a lot of business cards. Stephen not all hostesses do. Well, thats maybe. So, yes, but i was i had slippery fingers as a waitress was the problem. Stephen you were stealing from people . What does that mean . Yes, i stole from people. Stephen you were dropping trays . I would yes. Things would sort of i tripped. Im very klutzy. Stephen how long did you do it . Two and a half years. Stephen wow, thats a long time to not be a good waitress. Stephen thats a lot of broken plates. I got better eventually. Stephen and now you appreciate good service. I sure do. And i always tip very, very well because i appreciate it. applause stephen now, the shows plot revolves around a beloved morning show host who gets fired for sexual misconduct. Uhhuh. Stephen where on earth did you dream up this fantasy world that youre inhabiting . Yeah. It was an inspired idea. I just kind of woke up with it one day and thought, what have we not heard yet . Yeah. No. Stephen was this actually created, like, postme, too . Yes, this was a book, top of the morning. And we basically the Michael Ellen berg bought the rights to the book, came to reese and myself, said would we come and produce it . Stephen because you and Reese Witherspoon are also executive producers. Were executive producers on it as well. Thats right. applause and it was just no question, lets get in and do this. And its been a ball ever since. Then me, too happened and the world changed. Stephen yes. As you know. Stephen for the better. For the better. Stephen yes, so far. applause i know, at least we got a little bit of a silver lining. Stephen did you do a ride along or anything . Did you visit any of the morning shows . We shadowed g. M. A. Yes, 5 00 in the morning until 7 00 in the morning. Twohour window. Stephen i was a guest anchor over there for one day. And i thought it would break me. Yes, i dont know how they actually do it and have sanity. Stephen i have Great Respect as a lot of your wonderful people here. Stephen i have Great Respect i do, too. Stephen for them, but the speed at which they have to do that show is insane. New stuff goes to the prompter, theyve never seen it, they read it, and go on to the next story. Theyre doing it phonetically. You worry about their nervous system sometimes. And then theyre on air and its as if nothing ever happened. Its just, like, smooth as silk. Stephen have you ever worked a job where you had to get up go ahead and take it. Go ahead and take it. I just like doing this. Stephen you can have Thomas Middleditchs, hes next. Thats a name. Stephen it is, isnt it . You know. I just like it. Stephen you know what sound guys love . This, this. Im sorry. Stephen some guys just love this. Okay, then ill do it. Stephen you can do anything you want. Youre Jennifer Aniston damn it, you can do whatever you want. Is this mine . cheers and applause stephen thats yours. We have to take a break. Please dont leave. Because were going to be right back with more Jennifer Aniston, everybody. Stick around. applause one of the products i helped develop at 3m was a more secure diaper closure. There were babies involved. And they werent saying much. Thats what we do at 3m, we listen to people, even those who dont have a voice. We are people helping people. I felt gross. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. Four years clear. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Ask your dermatologist about cosentyx. groans hmph. food grunting menacingly when the food you love doesnt love you back, stay smooth and fight heartburn fast with tums smoothies. Tum tumtum tum tums with tums smoothies. Hi, sounds like were its not a problem at all. Your moms off gluten now. Is she . Uh, i forgot the. I got you. Wireless Network Claims are americas best network. The best network is even better. The best deals on the best network. How can everyone be the best . Well, sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a 100 total satisfaction guarantee. While i think their network and savings are great, you dont just have to take my word for it. Try it out, decide for yourself. Hurry in for a full week of exciting black friday deals. Get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just 35 a month. This is charlie not coughing because he took delsym 12hour. And this is charlie still not coughing while trying his hardest not to wake zeus. Delsym 12hour. Nothing lasts longer for powerful cough relief. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, were back with Jennifer Aniston. Star of the morning show. On apple tvplus. Congratulations. I just found out that on october 15, you broke the Guinness World record for the fastest time to reach one million followers on instagram. cheers and applause that time, for those of you keeping score at home, five hours 16 minutes to reach one million, beating prince harry. And, you know, suck it, harry. Suck it, harry. You gotta have goals, guys. You know what i mean . Stephen with this photograph applause how often does this happen . How often do you get together . That gathering . It happens a couple once every two years. But the girls, all the time. Stephen yeah. Schwimmer lives here. Matty works. Its hard to get us all in the same place. Stephen people are always clamoring for a reunion. Always. Stephen and the other day on ellen you made noises this might happen. I just made noises. Stephen what is happening . I said, something is happening. Stephen what is happening . I dont know. Something is happening. Stephen did you say that to end the question . Im saying it now to end it. Nothing is happening, maybe something is happening. Stephen you can confirm something is happening. Something is happening. cheers and applause stephen thats official. But we dont know what that something is. Stephen no, no, doesnt matter. But something is better than nothing. I agree with you. 100 . Stephen now, this is i think this is truly a milestone in anyones career. I have not achieved this yet unless i have. I dont know. You are now a lego. Because this past summer, lego made a friendsthemed set in honor of the shows 20th anniversary. I think its central park, they did the central park set. Your friend Matthew Perry made this bold claim. He said, you can clearly see chandler is the most attractive. Such a Matthew Perry thing to say. Stephen i question that. cheers and applause stephen yeah, its even got its got the hair. Its got the hair. Im not sure what season this is, because ive not had that kind of an angled bob. But Chris Mcmillan would know. Hes here. This is, you could go let go of my lego. I dont know why i stephen you can do this, too. Oh oh dear. But you fall over. Thats what happens when you thats what happens when we take the wig off. Stephen look. Oh, no thats a little thats an exorcist stephen angry. And heres Matthew Perry. Matthew perry right there. We can take his hair off. Oh, yes. Well now. applause well, im now im clearly the most attractive friend. Stephen heres the thing . Yes, sir. Stephen i dont want this to end. Why does it have to. Because theres wait, whats his name . Stephen please say that again. It will make him feel so good. Whats his name has to come out. I didnt read it. I just heard the last name. Stephen its a hard name. Thomas middleditch. That guy. Stephen is he waiting in the wings . He left. Thomas middleditch left. Now we have more time. All the time in the world. Stephen lets keep going. What do you want to talk about . Whats on your mind . Before we go, do you mind do you mind . This dress is absolutely beautiful. I can point something out to the people at home. You can do whatever you want. Stephen do you mind standing up. Not at all. Stephen what i like about this dress, its fantastic. This dress has something you rare rarely see in any dress i dont want to get too familiar here. You can unhook this right here and it unhooks from the back, too. And you have a cape. applause youre a youre a superhero. cheers and applause youre a super hero. Or there are a lot of things we can do with this toy. Stephen in a pinch, like, in a pinch, you could handcuff somebody with that. I sure could. Stephen i can see that . You look you are so appropriate in a cape. Oh, first of all, cheers and applause you have to wear this i wish i had my camera. Its really good. Stephen listen, im keeping this now. Okay. Ive of im off to another event. Stephen the morning show begins this friday on apple tv plus. Jennifer aniston, everybody cheers and applause well be right back with silicon valleys Thomas Middleditch. After a night like this, crest has you covered. Crest, the official toothpaste of santa. My gums are irritated. I dont have to worry about that, do i . Harmful bacteria lurk just below the gum line. Crest gum detoxify, voted product of the year. It works below the gum line to neutralize harmful plaque bacteria and help reverse early gum damage. Gum detoxify, from crest. Repeat after me. Hi am grateful. Audience i am grateful. I am getting all the gifts this holiday. This sunday and monday get fifty percent off everything online thats fifty percent off you get all the gifts on oldnavy. Com he borrowed billions donald trump failed as a businessman. And left a trail of bankruptcy and broken promises. He hasnt changed. I started a tiny investment business, and over 27 years, grew it successfully to 36 billion dollars. Im tom steyer and i approve this message. Im running for president because unlike other candidates, i can go head to head with donald trump on the economy, and expose him fo what he is a fraud and a failure. gonzo yeah did you get my gift . Gonzo you got my gift kermit oh yeah. Its a really great ugly sweater. gonzo what kind of sweater . kermit [gulps] great. gonzo okay. kermit okay. kermit vo portal from facebook. Say yes for less. To gifts storewide. At 20 to 60 off Department Store prices. Most stores open friday at 7am. With extended hours saturday and sunday. Get your yes for less. And you find their favorite hero. At a price that makes you the hero . Yes thats yes for less. Yes with hot holiday toys for all ages, ross is your toy destination. It feels even better when you find it for less. At ross. Yes for less. Its time for black friday at target save on hundreds of black friday doorbusters this thursday through saturday only. Save on home appliances, electronics and more. Dont miss the biggest doorbusters of the season. Black friday, only at target. May your holidays glow bright and all your dreams take flight. Lease the c 300 sedan for just 399 a month at the mercedesbenz winter event. Hurry in today. I am totally blind. And non24 can make me show up too early. Or too late. Or make me feel like im not really there. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442342424. We all care about amazing taste. Thats why weve been making the best mayonnaise for over 100 years. Best foods. Were on the side of food. only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. Well, maybe not forever. Saturday is the last day, so shop early to. Save on puffers. Kitchen electrics. Sephora, and bath towels for 2. 99 your last chance for black friday deals jcpenney band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody my next guest stars in silicon valley, which just started its sixth and final season. Please welcome back to the late show, Thomas Middleditch cheers and applause man. Stephen whats up, tom. Yo. Who was that . laughter before . Stephen i dont know. She seemed very nice. Yeah, she was great. Stephen anybody call you tom . Tom, tommy, tim bells. Stephen does anybody call you thomas or is it strictly professional . People call me all the varieties of thomas and tom. Stephen to your family what are you . Tom. Hello, tom. Stephen are you english . Im not, but they are. My impressions of my father eye have about only a couple of things i can get right. One, when hes mad. Hell be like trying to get a photo, and hell just say like, put on a proper smile, tom because ill be like. You know . laughter and then stephen whats the other. When i havent done that, hell just say oh, sod it and the last one is, hands off your penis, tom laughter and thats not a joke. Stephen youre like, im trying to give you a proper smile. Yeah. laughter cheers and applause well done, colbert stephen sixth and final season of silicon valley. Here we are. You guys have already you already finished, right . Youre not in media res. You finished the damn thing. We shot the damn thing. Stephen what does that feel like, by the way, going into the season, this is it. I better act pretty hard this year. I better act the stuffing out of this thing. Stephen yeah. Honestly, i dont want to get too cheesy, but its been a show thats totally changed my life, and ive loved telling the story. So it was kind of it was sad to say goodbye to it. We literally ended the night of shooting with a group hug of cast and crew, everybody, like, arm in arm shedding a tear. Stephen thats lovely. It was really sweet. It was a special experience, really. Stephen have you gone hollywood in any way . I mean, other than my 40foot yacht, and my eagle that i ride to work. laughter stephen nice. Yeah. But the eagles, like, small. Its me, go its its a regularsized bird. Stephen wow, sure, sure. But she hauls. She hauls. No, im kind of embarrassed to say, but weve already prearranged to say it. laughter yeah, okay, were talking about this. Okay, and talking about my teeth. Stephen anything new . Yeah, when i first got to l. A. , i got this new dentist. And shes russian. And she looked at my mouth, and she said, uhm, have you ever thought about having veneers . And i was like, no, not really. She was like, you might want to consider it. Your teeth are so wild at the bottom and narrow at the top, it looks like you have a condition. And i was like. Tell it to me straight, doc jeez and eventually, yeah, we figure out that, you know, okay, lets do some veneers on my top two front teeth. Stephen those are applications the appliques that go on the front of your teeth, right . You be, it wasnt fully explained to me. In hindsight i know what they are now, but going into it, i just assumed they kind of shape it and put some caps on. Oh, they shape it. They shape it down to, like, triangles. If you have never had veneers, a cautionary tale. I mean, they look great. They look great right now. Super proud of them. Stephen they look beautiful and real. laughter stephen yes. They turn them into shark teeth . They numb them up, and they file them here i am im thinking, wow, theyre really taking their time making sure theyre perfectly in shape. They take a break at one point and the guy its guy who would not stop telling me about his web series. Hey, man, dont look in the mirror, and then he left. I was like, what . What do you mean, sir and i didnt. I took his advice. Because i was like, oh, no, that means something bad. But then i sort of gingerly like like touched my teeth with my tongue. And sure enough i had been turned into snake man. I was temporarily dracula. And stephen you needed a cape. Yeah and for a second, i got so sad. And i started crying. Im a grown man crying in the dentist chair. And she came back in, the dentist, whats wrong . Nothing, nothing, nothing. And in my mind, this is what made me cry. Okay, cut to, you know, 30 years from now its a mad max apocalypse scenario, im driving around in my dirt bike being mad max. And i bail, and bash my veneers out. And now theres no dentist. So now im dragon tooth forever. And how am i going to meet girls now its like its like thats i was, like, crying this future mad max brokenhearts scenario. Stephen sure, sure. And im habitually cool. Stephen so anxiety is an issue . Yeah, yeah, pretty chill. Stephen me, too. Whats up, bro . Silicon valley airs sundays on hbo. Its the final season. Go watch it, everybody. Thomas middleditch, snake tooth well be right back. cheers and applause im ladeia, and theres more to me than hiv. Theres my career. My cause. And creating my dream home. Im a work in progress. So much goes into who i am. Hiv medicine is one part of it. Prescription dovato is for adults who are starting hiv1 treatment and who arent resistant to either of the medicines dolutegravir or lamivudine. Dovato has 2 medicines in 1 pill to help you reach and then stay undetectable. So your hiv can be controlled with fewer medicines while taking dovato. You can take dovato anytime of day with food or without. Dont take dovato if youre allergic to any of its ingredients or if you take dofetilide. If you have hepatitis b, it can change during treatment with dovato and become harder to treat. Your hepatitis b may get worse or become lifethreatening if you stop taking dovato. So do not stop dovato without talking to your doctor. Serious side effects can occur, including allergic reactions, liver problems, and liver failure. Lifethreatening side effects include lactic acid buildup and severe liver problems. If you have a rash and other symptoms of an allergic reaction, stop taking dovato and get medical help right away. Tell your doctor if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis b or c. Dont use dovato if you plan to become pregnant or during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy since one of its ingredients may harm your unborn baby. Your doctor should do a pregnancy test before starting dovato. Use effective Birth Control while taking dovato. The most common side effects are headache, diarrhea, nausea, trouble sleeping, and tiredness. So much goes into who i am and hope to be. Ask your doctor if starting hiv treatment with dovato is right for you. Stephen now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show