President trump what conspiracy are we discussing today, sir . Perhaps the biggest scandal in the history of our country. Did the grey alien introduce gogurt technology to prepare our children for eventual tube feeding on the clone farm . They have the server. They . Who are they . And what is their relationship to them . Crowdstrike, or whatever its called, which is a Company Owned by a very wealthy ukrainian, and i still want to see that server. Ah, yes, the server. Wait, hasnt that one been debunked . I mean, fiona hills testimony was fairly compelling. Why did they give it to a Ukrainian Company . Its an american company, and they didnt give it to them. I think this goes to the highest level. Oh, it goes to the highest level wait, isnt that you . I want to see adam schiff testify about the whistleblower. Okay. Ive got a chupacabra on line two. Got to go. Lets move on to something more believable. Why did the Trilateral Commission release chemtrails to make me gain weight in my 50s . Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight dog day afternoon. Plus, stephen welcomes Robert De Niro. And j. J. Abrams. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on whoo hi there, hello welcome to the late show, everybody, all our viewers and listeners around the world. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause thanksgiving is just thanksgiving is just right around the corner, but impeachment is still the big story. So big, in fact, that this year at the parade, the transcript of trumps ukraine call is going to be one of the balloons. laughter yeah. Youve got to imagine, this thing will not go away. It looks like its going to head to an impeachment vote. You know this has been stressful for trump. So this afternoon, he welcomed in an emotional support animal conan, the hero dog from the albaghdadi raid. laughter im surprised it was a good welcome, it was very nice, he treated the dog well, but im surprised he did not give conan his famous sports team welcome. Because a dog is really the only one whod truly appreciate a table of cold hamburgers. laughter cheers and applause trump made sure to treat conan like a hero. We just gave conan a medal and a plaque, and its really and i actually think conan knew exactly what was going on. Stephen yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. laughter yeah, conan knew exactly what was going on, which is why the dog has released the memoir, apawlling my ruff time in the trump white house. Hes not a good boy. By conan t. Herodog. cheers and applause then, it became obvious trump didnt know what type of dog conan is. I learned a lot about this particular type of dog. A dog that is very, very special. And, we could maybe say. Mike, maybe you can come up and Say Something about the type of dog . Theyre very hard to get this particular dog. This type of dog. Exactly. Because its a certain type of dog. laughter stephen as trump i love this type of dog, its its a special type, a certain type, its my third favorite after hot and corn. Wait, does chili count . Does chili . cheers and applause and, is jon oh, snap stephen is a hot dog a sandwich . Thats the question. Trump even mentioned the special treatment they gave conan at the white house conan did a fantastic job. And, we are very honored to have conan here and to have given conan a certificate and an award, that were going to put up in the white house. Stephen as trump yes, we also gave conan a beggin strip. Were keeping that in the white house too, because i ate it. You know, it really does taste like bacoooon bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon cheers and applause jon im ready for my closeup, mr. Deville. Stephen now, congresss impeachment inquiry is taking the week off. I assume to spend more time dividing your family. But. laughter its important. Theres still plenty of ukraine news. Ill catch you up in tonights don and the giant impeach. cheers and applause boy, oh boy, things are not going well. Stephen one of the great things about watching the rule of law crumble around you, is all the interesting people weve met along the way. None more interesting than Rudy Giulianis ukrainian buddies, lev parnas and igor fruman a. K. A. Tweedle dee and tweedle gonna take your thumb. On friday on friday . It was just friday. On friday, we learned that parnas has some dirt on Ranking Member of the house intelligence committee, and man seen here with his only friend, chair, devin nunes. According to his lawyer, parnas is ready to testify to congress that, in late 2018, nunes flew to vienna to meet with disgraced former ukrainian prosecutor, viktor shokin, to get dirt on biden. So, according to parnas, the Top Republican investigating whether trump tried to get dirt on biden, tried to get dirt on biden. It reminds me of the childrens classic nancy drew and the case of the man murdered by nancy drew. cheers and applause now take the first bite. Itll work. Jon caught redhanded stephen now, the daily beast and cnn broke this story. When cnn asked nunes for comment, he said, to be perfectly clear, i dont acknowledge any questions from you in this lifetime or the next lifetime. Wow. audience reacts wow. Did you hear that, cnn . In his next lifetime, you will not be getting any answers from nunes when he is reincarnated. laughter cheers and applause piano riff now because of the thing. cheers and applause i want to point out that these are just allegations. We dont know whether nunes actually went to vienna. Is what ive been told to say by cbs lawyers. laughter because when nunes finally did comment, he threatened to sue the journalists involved, lying these demonstrably false and scandalous stories published by the daily beast and cnn are the perfect example of defamation and reckless disregard for the truth. And i ought to know, because im the lebron james of recklessly disregarding the truth. In fact, i am lebron james. cheers and applause jon i believe that completely stephen yeah. So, to prove the story is false, nunes went on with Maria Bartiromo and almost answered a question bottom line, were you in vienna with shokin . Yeah, so, look, maria, i really want to answer all these questions, and i promise you, i will come back on the show and answer these questions. Stephen methinks he doth not protesteth enough. laughter its a simple question, dnoons, did you go to vienna or not . Not answering does not make you look innocent. Its like a husband coming home at 3 00 a. M. And his wife asks, is that lipstick on your collar . Bottom line are you cheating on me . And he replies, so, look, honey, i really want to answer all these questions, and i promise you, i will come back and answer them, just as soon as this shirt comes back from the cleaners. Now, according according laughter cheers and applause infidelity no, not me, they are. According to parnas lawyer, nunes vienna trip happened late november, early december 2018. Now, in a totally unrelated story, in 2018, nunes claimed expenses for a fourday trip to europe between november 30 and december 3. Abracadumdum. How stupid do you have to be to file expense reports on a crime . All right, give me all the money in the vault, and could you validate my parking . laughter thank you. Oh, you need to see id . Hold on with all the impeachment testimony last week, trump had a ton on his plate. Also, a lot to do. But, he still found time to spend with his foxandfriends. Because on friday, he called in for an oldfashioned 53minute conspiracy ramble, starting with debunked claims about the d. N. C. Server. They gave the server to crowdstrike or whatever its called, which is a Company Owned by a very wealthy ukrainian. And i still want to see that server. You know, the f. B. I. Has never gotten that server. Thats a big part of this whole thing. Why did they give it to a Ukrainian Company . Stephen for petes sake, its 8 00 in the morning at least let us get a cup of coffee before you start passing out the crazy pills as trump look, what wake up, wake up, i got to tell you wake up. Wake up, everybody wake up. Wake up. Look, why were there chemtrails on the grassy knoll . Did vaccines cause Jeffrey Epstein . And how did we really how did we go to the moon, when once a month the moons not even there . laughter okay . Wake up. Jon you had to get him all the way off. All the way out of here. Stephen heres the thing about crowdstrike and ukraine thats not a thing. Crowdstrikes an american company, not owned by a ukrainian, and theyre so trustworthy that one of their big customers is the republican party. Even fox and friend steve doocy tried to get the president to reel it in a little. Why did they give it to a Ukrainian Company . Are you sure they did that . Are you sure they gave it to ukraine . Well, thats what the word is. Stephen okay. laughter ive got to say, getting fact checked by fox and friends is like the incredible hulk telling you, he doesnt like you when youre angry. laughter trump also complained about the way republicans treated marie yovanovich, the ambassador he fired after a Smear Campaign courtesy of rudy giuliani. I said, why are you being so kind . Well, sir, shes a woman. We have to be nice. Stephen oh, yes. audience reacts yes, the g. O. P. Is so famous for being nice to women that 500,000 of them marched on washington wearing pink thankyou hats. Of course laughter cheers and applause jon oh, oh stephen there you go. Remember that . Jon i remember that stephen remember that . Jon i remember that come on, come on cheers and applause stephen of course, it wouldnt be a rambling trump phone call without some mention of nancy pelosi. I have to deal with crazy nancy. I mean, shes crazy as a as a bedbug. Stephen okay. laughter piano riff jon uhoh. Stephen im going to fact check you there. Bed bugs are the opposite of crazy. They are focused on their target, and they work as a team. Though, it is a great analogy for nancy pelosi, because when you get bedbugs, youre the one who has to move out of the house. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Robert de niro is here. cheers and applause band playing for your worst sore throat pain, try Vicks Vapocool drops. Its not candy, its powerful relief. Ahhh vaporize sore that pain with Vicks Vapocool drops and try new vapocool spray. Do you love reeses pieces . 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It even helps stop further joint damage. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability. To fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen. Or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. I just look and feel better. I got real relief with cosentyx. Watch me feel real relief. Ask your rheumatologist about cosentyx. Itreat them all as if, they are hot and energized. Stay away from any downed wire, call 911 and call pg e right after so we can both respond out and keep the public safe. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause folks. You know my first guest tonight as one of the greatest actors of this or any generation. I know him as tough guy. Please welcome back to the late show, Robert De Niro cheers and applause band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, tough guy. How are you . How you been . Im okay. Stephen oh, good, good. Good. Its nice to see you again. Its always nice to have you on. Nice to see you. Stephen yeah, yeah. I want to talk about the irishman, the new film youre doing with scorsese. 3. 5 hours long, you get your moneys worth, ill say that. Yes. Stephen you really do. And one of his greatest films, everybody is saying. Yeah. Stephen now, but first, i want to talk about a guy you know and i talk about a fair amount, i want to talk about the president for just a second. Who . cheers and applause stephen and before i ask you any questions, just keep in mind, its a family show. This is cbs. This isnt cnn over here. Youve cheers and applause oh, boy. Oh, boy. Youve played a lot of gangsters throughout the years. A lot of people who have prosecuted actual mob bosses say trump runs things like its the mob. How do you think you actually defeat a mobster . Well, thats a good question. Stephen its what i do, bob. laughter well, hes like the teflon don, you know, and giuliani, of all people, the way i understand it, he used the rico act to go after gangster families, and, so, its unusual that he, now, is representing this gangster first family, if you will, so stephen yeah. cheers and applause the whole situation is beyond understanding. Stephen it is, yeah. Kind of heartbreaking, too. You see people who otherwise have been heroes fall. To me its more than heartbreaking. Its a really, really serious situation were in. I dont want to bring people down, but stephen no. Yeah, i think they came pre down. laughter its like a pall around certain things. Its like living in an abusive household. You feel you dont know whats going to happen next, what crazy thing is going to happen next, whats going to make you say what the hell is going on. Stephen because only one angry person gets to say what is real, what the truth is. Exactly. And the truth is not from him, thats for sure. cheers and applause and hes a fake president. cheers and applause stephen what do you mean by that . Well, he calls everything fake because he knows hes fake, so hes projecting. Stephen hes projecting all the time. Accuse them of the thing that you know that you did. Somewhere deep down, i dont want to get all psychological, but that really is what i feel it is. Stephen go ahead. laughter there are a lot of people who want to replace him. And, you know, youre a new yorker, people associate you with the city. Bloomberg officially announced. You know him, right . I know him a little bit, yes. Stephen what do you think . I like bloomberg. Hes an adult. Hes a grownup. laughter stephen yeah. Hes run the city for 12 years. I know there are things he did, you mentioned them on the show, but hes done good things, and he tries to do the right thing. Stephen hes put his money where his mouth is when it comes to Climate Change and certainly gun policy. Yes. Stephen thats certainly more than anybody else, i think. cheers and applause thats certainly a plus on his side. Yes, yes. So, you know, we just have to get past this get over the hump into calm waters, and, so, to me, bloomberg might be the one. applause i love buttigieg, i like so many people. But its a matter of hes still young, he has time, but we need to get past this horrible situation. Stephen yeah, theres a sense of urgency right now. Really, we need to right the ship. Yeah. Stephen well, the irishman, as i was saying before, is the new movie, three and a half hours. I would recommend maybe not the large diet coke before you go in, because you dont want to miss a minute, right . Yeah. Stephen well, this is your ninth movie with scorsese. Do you guys have a shorthand now . How do notes go back and forth when youre actually shooting, whats the collaboration like . Its the same. It was great to get back to working with marty. We just did what we always did. Stephen give me an example of how he might direct you, how you might take a note. Do that there like that there. laughter stephen okay. And if youve got an idea, like, how do you clear it with him . I go, mumbling over here. Stephen go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. Stephen so chatty kathy, two chatty kathys the whole time. applause a lot was made of the deaging technology thats been used in this movie. How was that explained to you . When he first came to you, how did he explain what they were going to do . They had me to do a scene from goodfellas, and i guess they compared it and worked on the scene that i did, and compared the two. Stephen and digitally made it that age. Exactly. I mean, the idea was i. L. M. , they really wanted to make it the best it could be at that point, and that was exciting for us because before that we were thinking of who would play us younger and so on. Stephen who would play you younger . I dont know. We were not quite at the point of getting to naming actual people or looking for people. Stephen im right here, bob. Right here. Well, i thought of you. But, you know laughter stephen im busy. Youre busy. Stephen im busy right now. Bad timing. And the years went by, and so when all the years went by, it made us older, so we probably had no choice but to try and deage. Stephen i. L. M. , industrial light and magic, star wars, they could have made you a wookiee. They could have. Stephen j. J. Is actually backstage and still ready to go at a moments notice. Yeah. Stephen we have a clip here. Tell us the story and who you play before we go to it. Well, what is it . laughter stephen the clip is i will tell you. I brought a clip for you. Its you and pesci, okay, and hes handing you the phone to talk to jimmy hoffa played by pacino. Okay. Stephen have you seen the movie, bob . No, i havent seen it. Stephen you havent seen it yet . I hear very good things. laughter so whos your character . A guy named Frank Sheeran who was a teamster from jersey with the philadelphia mob, if you will, and joe pesci is a mob boss and theyre in philadelphia and he says that he knows hoffa, so he sets up an introduction to hoffa for my character, and thats it. Stephen okay. Jim . Listen, i got that kid i was talking to you about here. Im going to put him on the phone and let you talk to him, okay . Hello . Is that frank . Yes. Hiya, frank, this is jimmy hoffa. Yeah, yeah, glad to meet you. Well, im glad to meet you, too, even if its over the phone. I heard you paint houses. Yes. Yes, sir, i do, i do. And i i also do my own carpentry. Oh, im glad to hear that. I understand youre a brother of mine. Yes, sir, local 107 since 1947. Yeah, you know, my friend speaks very highly of you. Thank you. Hes not an easy man to please. Well, i do my best. cheers and applause stephen exciting to see you three guys together out there. Yeah. Stephen we have to take a little bit of a break, but please dont go because when we come back im going to ask bob how he felt about being a talk show host in joker. Stick around. cheers and applause tremfya® helps adults with moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis uncover clearer skin that can last. In fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. Tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremfya®. Uncover clearer skin that can last. Janssen can help you explore cost support options. Whats the time . Device a dime is ten cents. Severe cold or flu . Take control with theraflu. Powerful, soothing relief to defeat your worst cold and flu symptoms fast. Device sneezes theraflu. The power is in your hands. I need all the breaks as athat i can get. Or, at liberty butchemel. Cut. 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Yes. laughter stephen not so easy, is it, tough guy, right . laughter yeah, what did you make of that when you played the character . What did you make of the gig . Well, i always thought about you. Stephen i hope not. Ive seen what happens in the movie. laughter right stephen thank you youre very kind. applause piano riff i tell you what, would you like to switch places . Why dont you be the host. cheers and applause stephen so heres the scenario. Youre a talk show host and im your guest Robert De Niro. Well, gee, its so nice to have you on the show. laughter can i call you bob . Stephen okay. laughter applause so what have you been doing lately . If i can ask. laughter stephen movie. Got a movie. I got a movie. Okay. Okay. Thats a good answer. Stephen yeah. laughter whats the movie about . laughter stephen which one is it . What have we got . What is this . What have we got . laughter who are you what other actors did you work with . Stephen uh laughter Martin Lawrence. Martin lawrence. Stephen there is a scene with me and Martin Lawrence in big mommas house four. laughter yeah, we go to the moon in this one. Oh, you go to the moon. Stephen big momma on the moon, yeah. Okay. laughter well, tell us about that. Stephen i dont know, i didnt see it. cheers and applause piano riff so you didnt see those scenes or you didnt see the movie yet . Stephen i dont know. I dont know which one. Good movie. Its a great movie. Its a good movie. Im glad. I cant wait to see it. Stephen yeah. Is there anything you want to tell me about it . laughter stephen no. Nothing. laughter applause you can talk. You can talk. Well, i saw the movie, and it wasnt so great, but laughter but you were great in it. Stephen what . You were great. But the movie, not so good. laughter stephen okay. laughter he talks less out here but i know we talked backstage and he was giving me a whole rundown of the film and everything but for some reason, he doesnt want to talk. What do you want to talk about . Stephen i got a restaurant. Okay, what kind of restaurant do you have . Stephen i dont know. laughter applause well, we love having you on the show. laughter should we strike up a song or something . band playing cheers and applause stephen the irishman is in theaters now and on netflix wednesday. Robert de niro, everybody well be right back with the director of star wars, j. J. Abrams. The whole worlds gone crazy about food but lets not forget the best thing of all taste to us at best foods taste is everything and we believe great taste starts with great ingredients like cage free eggs and sustainable tomatoes because at best foods were on the side of food. Of a lifetime. Its progressive on ice. Everything you love about Car Insurance the discounts. The rate comparisons. And flo in a boat. Insurance adventure awaits at progressive on ice. Tickets not available now or ever. At progressive on ice. Iclimate is the number 1ove priority. Sage. 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Oh oh oh ozempic® announcer if eligible, you may pay as little as 25 per prescription. Ask your Health Care Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a hollywood director best known for directing season three, episode 17 of the office. Please welcome, j. J. Abrams cheers and applause band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen there are a lot of great directors out there, even for people who know their names, there are very few who get standing ovations. Thats crazy. Thank you so much. Stephen youre a lovely man, j. J. Abrams. Thank you very much. applause stephen last time you were here, i asked you about the new star wars films the rise of skywalker, though we didnt know the title of it at the time. And i said whats the status on it and you couldnt tell me anything at the time and you said we have a script. That was the scoop. That was a big deal for us. Stephen did you shoot that script . We sort of yeah, we did. Stephen okay. You know, but as you go along, you get a better idea and you think, lets adjust this and that, but we did shoot the script. Stephen and now, do we have a movie . Is it locked . Yes. Stephen really . Yes, its done. cheers and applause stephen congratulations. Do you get to go to sleep now . Immediately after the show. We locked yesterday. Stephen so youre just fresh off the lock. So, once again, i have flown from locking the thing to the east coast to see you, once again. Stephen thank you very much. Im honored. cheers and applause thank you. Stephen im going to ask you a question that jimmy kimmel asked you about the last star wars movie you directed four years ago. Whats the first word said in the movie . It will have no context. Stephen i dont care. laughter here it goes. Ready . Not in the crawl, but the first words stephen spoken, not this. Not that. At. Stephen wow cheers and applause let the theories be spun. And there are six or seven words that follow. Stephen okay, here is my theory. At. At. It is someone actually, its not one of our main characters, its a new character we havent seen before describing something thats happened before setting up the moment were about to see in voiceover. Okay. Stephen im so right. Im 100 right. laughter okay. Youre ending, with this ninth film, the Skywalker Saga. Was it harder to end or reboot . We always looked at it as a continuation of what came before. So in our minds, it wasnt really a reboot. It was stephen an invigoration. No but it was like chapter 7, 8 and 9, sort of one book. Ending is much, much, much harder. Its so hard to end. Stephen anything. Well, its a very its a huge responsibility. It has to work on its own for the movie, its the end of the trilogy, but its the end of three trilogies. So to end nine movies, especially when people care. For some people, its like a religion. So to do something to do service to that story, to end it well, to tell a story that is epic and also funny and also intimate, there were so many issues and things and characters stephen did you ever think i cant do this . I think every day there was a moment of, oh, god, you know. But the truth is, as challenging as it was, this has by far been the most rewarding and exciting experience that ive ever had professionally. cheers and applause stephen i read theyre applauding your challenging experience. How nice. I love everyone here. Stephen i read that lucas intended for the third trilogy series to be leias story. Im not sure thats entirely the case. Stephen but i read it. Oh. Fake news. laughter but because of carries passing i knew her for a while before we did episode 7. Stephen heres a lovely picture of the two of you together. She was the greatest. We knew there was no way we could finish this Skywalker Saga without leia, it was impossible, and we knew wed never want to do a digital leia, and, we, of course, couldnt recast it. And then i remembered we had scenes we had shot in the force awakens that we had never used. Which at the time, i was really upset that we werent using them because it was carrie, and it was leia, and i wanted to used them but it just didnt work in the movie. And weirdly, those scenes were material that we 100 realized could be used to tell her story in this film. So every time youre seeing leia in scenes with characters, its carrie in this movie, and i still cant quite believe that shes gone because we have been working on these scenes in editorial, and shes as there as anyone. Its just really uncanny. Stephen i understand that, in her book, she makes an odd reference to something that actually hadnt happened by the time of her death. I wasnt supposed to work on this film, and she passed away before the last jedi was released. And she wrote this book, the last autobiography she wrote was called the princess diarist and i remember reading the book, and at the end, in the special thanks, she thanks me at the very end, and she says special thanks to j. J. Abrams for putting up with me twice. And i never had worked with her before force awakens and i wasnt supposed to direct episode 9, and it was a very carrie thing to write Something Like that and to somehow know, its really strange. Stephen well, tell me where did you shoot this in jordan . Any of the desert scenes . Some of it is in the jordan, the desert scenes. Stephen i heard you went out to the desert in jordan, and then out in the desert where you actually built this little town out in the desert, you use blue screen or green screen out in the desert. Mmhmm. Stephen why not just use the desert if youre going to go out to the desert . laughter for some of the shots, it just wasnt the right desert, stephen. No, no, the scene and i actually brought a clip and there some of it is something you will see now, some of the shots that we needed to get required Certain Movement that was a physical impossibility to do, but the light in the desert was like, if we had shot that exact same thing anywhere else, it wouldnt have matched with every other scene. So we shot some scenes. So when we started shooting in jordan, the first four days, we were literally in this sort of blue kind of cove that we created, and wed, like, look just past the blue and it was the most glorious desert youd ever seen and were, like, were insane people, it was nuts. But you see, i. L. M. Lets talk about them again, because every segment has to talk about i. L. M. Can we talk about Robert De Niro for one second . Robert de niro was here. Stephen right there. You can feel it. I cant believe it. Robert de niro. cheers and applause but, anyway, when you see the work that they did and our visual effects supervisor, roger guyett, who was extraordinary, we all knew this would make it look better and, hes right, it does. Stephen i hope you dont have anything more important to do because we have to take a little bit of a commercial break but stick around and when we come back ill ask j. J. Some fan theory questions. Stick around. cheers and applause this Holiday Season choose the longest lasting aa battery. music energizer ultimate lithium backed by science. Matched by no one. paul sprintern the hspeaking of magic, are ti turned my iphone 6s into the new iphone 11. paul its true, trade in an iphone 6s or newer in any condition and youll get the powerful new iphone 11 for just 0 a month when you switch to sprint. sprintern yeah, an iphone 6s for an iphone 11. Or trade in your beloved iphone 7, trusty iphone 8, amazing iphone x. paul . 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For fast ain relief. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back. Were here with j. J. Abrams. We have a clip here, as you said. Does anyone want to see the clip . cheers and applause thats called a tease in the business. Jim . We spotted the fugitives. fighting sounds they fly now . They fly now stephen thats exciting. Thats exciting. Its a natural, they fly. Of course, they fly. Of course, they fly. Stephen we have to go here in just a moment. But before you do, theres going to be a lot of fan theories out there as to what happens in the film and i know that you really cant tell me anything. Youre going to clam up as soon as i ask any of these questions but you know as well as i do that that machine right over there, a camera is a mind reader. Yes, it is. Stephen and were going to take a closeup of you oh, god. Stephen and im going to read you fan theories, and youre going to figure out whether we can read in your eyes whether any of these are true. Oh, good. Stephen okay, all right. You just look in that camera, ill read these. Ready . Firsthand theory. The good guys decide to build a life star. laughter keep on j. J. For this one. Chewbacca gets hairy shave club for christmas and lets say he gets very busy. laughter the whole movie is count dooku at the galactic d. M. V. Trying to legally change his name because, come on, dooku . laughter youre loving this. Oh, this is the best. Stephen i can tell how much youre loving this. I do, i love it. Stephen turns out kylo ren was keyser soze the whole time. laughter j. J. , my friend, always a pleasure. Good to see you, get some sleep. Good luck. Star wars the rise of skywalker is in theaters december 20. J. J. Abrams, everybody well be right back. You work hard. You play hard. A drink with friends can turn into two. And a prescription can be stronger than you thought. Stop there are a lot of ways to get a dui. And a lot of ways to go. Text a friend. Call a cab. Share a ride. Whatever you choose to do, go safely, california. cheers and applause stephen thats it for the late show, everybody. Now stick around for james corden. Good night very hard to get, this particular dog, its a certain type of dog. Stephen it would be inaudible . Stephen thats why, he doesnt say mellanwa. Its a belgian melomar. Theyre only available certain times of the year. Thats why. We have to refrigerate this dog. In the summertime, you cant get them. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show r