Still a pretty good time. Without you by my side, the days drag, like my behind on the living room carpet. In closing, i feel its imperative to write the words ive waited so achingly long to epress squirrel barking announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight going the social distance blues stephen welcomes Senate Democratic leader Chuck Schumer and Paul Giamatti. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, whats going on . Nothin. Stephen nothins going on . Were doing a show is what were doing. These two these two and im very grateful to them these two are sitting there on their phones, paying no attention to me. I certainly hope you at home arent on your phones like my son and my wife. sighs some very eventful things going on. Stephen whats going on thats more important than you watching your father do a television show. My friend danny just shaved his head on instagram live. Stephen that is better than my show. Can i see a photo . Dont have a photo now. But eventually. Stephen whats so important about your phone over there. Nothing you need to know about. Stephen well, my birthday is coming up. If youre getting 15 and a half33, in case youre wondering. Hi, welcome to a late show, im your host stephen teach. Its the last day in april. April showers arent something i have been doing much in april. May, i may start showering in may. Not a word april 30th also marks the end of the federal social distancing guidelines and jed President Trump said they will not be extended further. So the answer to the question when will coronavirus resurge again . Is its gonna be may stephen trump was asked about the lapsing of the guidelines yesterday in the oval office so the current guidelines then will not be extended after tomorrow . Yeah, i think a way of saying it is theyll be fading out. Stephen come on, youre the government you should be more specific about what the rules are. Theres a reason why you dont see signs that say, speed limit no longer 55. Since trump has been royally shanking his Coronavirus Press conferences, hes got a new strategy invite individual governors to the oval office. Today, trump met with new jersey governor and nutcracker that wished to be a real boy, phil is ready to bounce right back. My mand. Metimes eet. Beha ink. Ph h got to be better than what you think. But thats just how i feel. Trump talked about the early fears of equipment shortages there was never a person that needed a ventilator that didnt get one. In any state. Not one person. So we didnt say, he didnt say get a ventilator, somebody passed away, somebody didnt make it. Now we had a mask problem. Now we have so many masks, we dont know what to do with them. Stephen heres an idea put one on mike pence. Then governor murphy used an analogy trump really like the liked about how the coronavirus tok them by surprise as mike tyson says, everyones got a plan until you get punched in the face. And we did. Stephen im not surprised trump relates to mike tyson theyre both 80s pop culture icons with horrible histories with women, who need no excuse to eat a human ear. as trump it is the bacon of the face. I love a good e. Ll. T. Trump tried to put a positive spin on how many cases of the coronavirus the u. S. Has. You have areas that are really at a very low point. And really hitting i always say, heading south quickly. And thats what we want. Stephen as trump things are really heading south quickly, i mean, the numbers are rapidly going down the tubes, just circling the drain, and thats what we want. One pundit was quick to respond to trumps heading south comment i do not think it means what you think it means. Stephen inconceivable trump didnt seem too worried about opening up too quickly and causing a second wave of cases. We will put out the embers and we will put out the flames. There will be pockets of fire, and well put them out. If you have, i call them burning embers, boom. Stephen of course, because the sound you associate with safely putting out a fire is boom. Trump just doesnt talk like a guy who knows what hes talking about. Can you imagine him as a doctor . as trump were gonna go in there and were gonna take the little knife and cocut, cut, snap, snap, and theres gonna be i call it blood. But were gonna say, no blood. then stitch. Then go in the place where the blood was and boom. trump also addressed why he thinks certain states dont need as much testing you have some governors that love the tests, you others that like doing it a different way, an oldfashioned way. Stephen is oldfashioned what youre looking for in medical care . I dont need these newfangled tests and swabs, just cover me in leeches and balance my humors. Trump also thinks that coming up with a vaccine is not that big a deal. So, this 100 scenario you are laying out, going back to the way it was. Is that before the vaccine or after the vaccine . So, a lot of progress is being made on the vaccine, but you never know. Right . You never know. If you dont have a vaccine, if that virus is gone, we are like where we were before. Stephen oh, where we were before good. So instead of being in a global pandemic, well go back to being completely unprepared for a global pandemic. That answer made no sense, as a reporter pointed out without a vaccine, sir, why do you think the virus will just be gone . Its going to go. Its going to leave. Its gonna be gone. It is going to be eradicated. Stephen as trump its going to go. Its going to leave. Its gonna slip out the back, jack. Make a new pla you mor 50 of these. Heres the thing trump doesnt want everything to go back to normal because were ready. He wants everything to go back to normal because hes bored i have been at the white house for many months, and id like to get out. Stephen mr. President , wed all like to get you out of the white house. Theres one activity trump especially misses his rallies. Hopefully in the not too distant future well have some massive rallies and people will be sitting next to each other. I cant imagine a rally where you would have every fourth seat full. Every six seats are empty for everyone that you have full. That wouldnt look too good. Stephen yeah, that sounds horrible. Ldke this. But its not just his own rallies he wants dangerously full, its also everywhere else i had one Restaurant Owner come up to me and said, sir im going to be opening up, but, if i distance too much, i have 50 of the restaurant i had. And i said, you will also have a worse atmosphere. Stephen wow, nice job, as trump nchief. I said, it will also have a worse atmosphere and make less money. I guess what im saying is, your restaurant is heading south quickly. And thats what we want. Multiple polls show trumps trailing joe biden in swing states, but in an interview he said, i dont believe the polls. I believe the people of this country are smart. And i dont think that they will put a man in whos incompetent. Youre right, the people of this country wouldnt. The electoral college, on the other hand, is fine with it. But despite not believing in these polls, he still found someone to blame them on Trump Campaign manager and what happens when your local militia pools their money to buy one suit, brad parscale. On friday, trump berated parscale for the damaging poll numbers, and at one point even threatened to sue him. Sue him . Thats not how you handle disappointment. Im sorry, sir, we stopped serving breakfast at 11 00. as trump well, youll be hearing from my lawyers from the firm of butterworth, jemima, and mcmuffin that bagel guys a tough cookie. But they were able to hash things out after parscale brought polling numbers that were more positive for trump, and the president seemed in a far better mood. Yes, im sure. And im being told we have a copy of that poll. There you go. Trump claims this whole spat with parscale is overblown, tweeting late last night just told that fake news cnn is falsely reporting that i was recently shouting at my Campaign Manager over made up nonsense. Actually, he is doing a great job, i never shouted at him been with me for years including the 2016 win, and have no intention to do so. Just fake news yeah, thats ridiculous. I can you agine trump ending a relationship hes had with someone for years . Each state is tackling reopening differently. Some are going full mad max. Because recently, georgia announced theyll be allowing teens to get their license with just parental approval, scrapping drivers tests. Okay, they are going to be a bunch of untested teenagers driving. So, if youre headed to georgia, stay off the roads, its much safer to take the midnight train. Whoo whoo the change was enacted through executive order by georgia governor and dad who did too much coke before the fatherdaughter dance, brian kemp. And according to his rules, teens whove had their learners permit for over a year, can now simply go online and obtain their license after getting a parent or guardians okay. Now, if youre worried that kids will just forge their parents signatures, youre smarter than the governor of georgia. Driving schools are hopeful that this plan will work, with one mostarenont just sign offping on those 40 hours, im hoping most will take the time and drive with their kids before they let them obtain their drivers license. Were talking about parents whove been trapped in their houses with teenagers for seven weeks. Im guessing theyre going to take the time to say, do you know how to open the garage . Great. The pedal on the right is go. Heres 20 bucks, and a fake i. D. Go buy me some wine. Weve got a show for you tonight. Ill be talking to senate my in order to leader Chuck Schumer. Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer. But when we come back, meanwhile hcare community, working to care for all of us. At novartis, we promise to do our part. As always, were doing everything we can to help keep cosentyx accessible and affordable. If you have any questions at all, call us, email us, visit us online. Were here to help support you when you need us. Take care, and be well. To learn more, call one eight four four cosentyx or visit cosentyx. Com life is too far you cant do it on your own but time will show and dont you know how bad we need each other . You know im. Mmm. Mmmm. M witpeople at higher riskng, must take extra precautions. You are at higher risk if you are over 65, or if you have an underlying medical condition, like heart disease, chronic lung disease, diabetes, or if your immune system is compromised for any reason. If youre at higher risk, stay six feet or two arm lengths away from others. Better yet, stay home if you can. The choices you make are critical. Please visit coronavirus. Gov for more information. And i like to question your im yoevery move. N law. Like this left turn. Its the next one. You always drive this slow . How did you make someone i love . That must be why youre always so late. I do not speed. And thats saving me cash with drivewise. My son, he did say that you were the safe option. And thats the nicest thing you ever said to me. So get allstate. Stop bossing. Where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. This is my sons favorite color, you should try it. [mayhem] you always drive like an old lady . [tina] youre an old lady. Stephen ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the late show. And please say hello to our friend jon batiste. Jon, how are you today . Im good. Im a little hungry. Im thinking of cooking some red beans and rice. Stephen whoo jon yeah. Stephen now, your moms recipe . Jon yeah, exactly. My moms recipe, one of thes okd up a few and im kind of going into a red beans battle with him. Im going to have to dry ice him my plate. Stephen its a red bean throwdown . Jon yeah, thats what we call it, the red bean throw down. And youve got to have the right ingredients and i just got them shipped in, so im about to do it. Stephen good luck with that. Jon yes, yes. Stephen save me some. Jon oh, i will. They might turn by the time we see each other again, but ill get you next time. Stephen all right. Jon batiste, everybody. You know, i spend a lot of time in here measuring out the finest barrelaged news stories, tossing in some handblended aromatic bitters, then shaking and stirring them into the upscale hipster aperitif that is my monologue. But sometimes sometimes, i like to bathtub with grain alcohol, stir in a halffinished box of welchs grape juice and a glade plugin, and let it fester a couple weeks, to create the railyard hooch of news that is my quarantined meanwhile segment quarantinewhile fill my. Quarantinewhile, even though all other sports have been sidelined, somehow the pandemic hasnt stopped sumo wrestling. Well, i believe making those men wrestle for their entertainment is dangerous and irresponsible, and japan should go back to sensible game shows like this. shouting crazy way to pick a prime minister. But i guess they have to let them fight. If they dont let them out now and then, those sumo wrestlers might start stress eating. One major u. S. Bookmaker said his company decided to add sumo wrestling to its Sports Betting offerings because it was one of the few professional leagues still operating. Great. So your coworker who wont shut up about fantasy football, now wont shut up about fantasy sumo. I cant believe how bad fujiazuma shanked it this weekend i should have drafted kagayaki hes got a way better oshidashi what do you mean im fired . so the sumo continues, but without a crowd. One fan watching the matches on youtube found the experience different, saying, you could hear everything. You could hear them fart, you could hear grunting, stuff you dont usually hear. Yeah, usually to hear fat men farting and grunting while watching sports you have to go to a buffalo wild wings. Quarantinewhile, yesterday morning, there was a flyby of earth by this asteroid which, observers have pointed out, has features that make it look like the asteroid remembered to wear a mask. Proving once again, even a lifeless, frozen rock is smarter than mike pence. Quarantinewhile, in what may be a medical first, a womans silicone breast implants helped deflect a bullet and save her life. So starting next year, Police Bulletproof Vests will be slightly modified quarantinewhile, in moon newwwwws, nasa has announced they will shoot lasers at the moon to help find water. Oh, great. When this is over, you know theyre gonna be pushing it on you in restaurants. Would you like tap, sparkling, or moon . Nasas plan is to create a spacecraft that will use its nearinfrared lasers to shine light into shaded polar regions on the moon, while an onboard reflectometer will measure surface reflection and composition. Which sounds very complicated, but nasa did provide this helpful simulation video of their moon laser lo julers and gymnasts in a traveling circus are stuck in a texas parking lot amid the lockdown. Thats terrible. Its nearly impossible to socially distance in a car with 50 other clowns. I said six feet, waffles quarantinewhile, the federal Aviation Administration is investigating an aircraft incident at Hawthorne Airport last friday involving actor harrison ford. It seems ford was piloting a plane that crossed a runway when another plane was trying to land. This is nothing new. Harrison ford has a history of flouting aviation safety rules. Get off my plane stephen crossing a runway los like its time to sit him down and have a difficult talk. Listen, i think you knew this day was coming, but you seem a little confused behind the wheel these days, so. Were taking away the keys to the millennium falcon. We cant risk you making the jump to hyperspace through a jamba juice. Through a starbucks. Its a distance, not a time im sorry. Im sorry. Quarantinewhile, a texas zoo is opening back up to the public with a drivethru experience. From the security of inside their vehicle, visitors will be able to see lions, tigers, and bears. Oh, my. This is great news for anyone whos ever thought, i wish birds werent the only animals pooping on my car. Quarantinewhile, a swedish city will spread manure at a festival venue to discourage crowds at an upcoming scandinavian holiday usually marked with bonfires and singing and dancing to folk songs. A Music Festival where the grounds are covered in poop . That. Is a Music Festival. Well be right back with Senate Democratic leader Chuck Schumer. vo at sprint, our priority is keeping our customers, employees, and communities safe. During these Uncertain Times we want you to get the Great Service you expect without leaving the safety of your home. Sprint. Com makes shopping easier by offering free next day shipping and no activation fees on our best new phone deals, like the amazing iphone 11 for just 15 a month when you switch. For now sprint. Com is the best way to learn about our plans, buy new phones and get the services you need. Stay healthy and go to sprint. Com today. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com im going to start the bidding at 5. Thank you, sir. Looking for 6. 6 over there do i hear 7 . 7 in the front 7 going once. Going twice. Sold to the onion lover in the front row next up is lot number 17, a spinach and artichoke dip, beautifully set in a hollowedout loaf of sourdough bread. Dont get mad get e trade and get more than just trading investing. Banking. Guidance. Can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. So meet eno, the capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Whats in your wallet . Stephen welcome back. Joining me this evening is a senator who has represented the state of new york for over 30 years. Please Welcome Senate minority leader, Chuck Schumer senator, how are you doing . How are you riding out your quarantine . I am here at my house. I have been here for five weeks. We finished the covid bill, three five weeks agovoteat 1. Couldnt wait to get home and be with my family. I have been here ever since. Ive only tumped vowr humans in the last four weeks. My wife, daughter, soninlaw and my 16mo gran. I work 247. I sleep about three hours, theres so much to do. The most exhausting hour is the hour im assigned to chase noah around the house. Were not child proof anymore. He pulse the books off the shelves, bangs the pots and pans. I only got in trouble once, i was on the phone and he broke some china plates. Not a happy moment for me. Stephen weve all broken a few plates over the last six or seven weeks. Thats for sure. Stephen youre known to be cheesecakedependent. Yeah. Stephen i hope your cheesecake dependency hasnt gotten out of control in quarantine. No, but i do think of it, one of the first things im going to do when allowed to resume normal lives, go to juniors, sit at the table by myself, down a few cheesecakes and wash it down with aroma pizza, the best pizza on brooklyn avenue. Stephen a mini pizza would make a nice face mask stephen, most stores are closed, as are these. Stephen oh, good. I found out theyre both going to open again, praise god. Stephen you dont have a stockpile of cheesecakes at a moments notice . No, weve replaced it with miss edies swift churn ice cream, the coffee and vanilla bean. Good. Stephen Chuck Schumer, brought to you by edies ice cream. Not getting any money from either of these places. I just think theyre good. Stephen now, sir, today is the last day of President Trumps official stayathome guidelines. Yeah. Stephen do you think ending the federal guidelines now is a good idea. No. Stephen is it over, can we start looking door kno . No, id idea. We should be listening to the medical experts, and they all tell us that we should not go too soon because it will come back with a vengeance, and we dont have enough testing, stephen. This is one of the keys here and its one of the mysteries, and huge shortfalls of the Trump Administration. Every country that has overcome this quickly has done it with a whole lot of tests, australian, new zealand, south korea, germany and even, june, new rochelle, the place was quarantined and i called up the mayor and said whats going on, what do you need . He said if we could test everybody and see who has the could to work, walk on thes streets, shop in stores, the amazing thing, weve asked the Trump Administration to have a National Plan for testing to use the defense production act where they could commandeer the factories and supply chains and require enough tests be made for everybody, they just used it for the meat factories, why arent they using it for testing . We could have enough test ifs they did that. Ive asked the president to do it on repeated occasions and he hasnt done it. I got a nasty letter back once but no gpa. D. P. A. Stephen we cant makd decisions unless we know the lay of the land. Fief ones afraid to go out, no ones shopping at the stores because we dont have adequate testing, what good is it going to do is this its a mystery. At first i thought it was ideology, i dont want to command private industry what to do, although truman used it in world war ii and others used it as well. But he was resistant. Now he did it with the meat factories, why cant he do it for testing which is essential . I dont get it. No one gets it. Stephen Mitch Mcconnell has called the senate back to vote on judicial nominations, and i know some senators are say i they may not go back. Can you say i wont come back or do you have to go back if the senate gets called back to session . Im going back as minority leader. But if we go back, lets do something about covid. We should have tough, strong hearings. I would like to call dr. Birx and fauci before us without trump hovering over them and correcting them and ask them about the testing and what we can do to make it happen. Id like to bring the head of the Small Business administration before the hearing and say why are the big shots getting it and not the little businesses, the butcher, baker, candle stick maker . Id like to call the secretary of labor and say how do we get the unemployment checks out faster . Instead, Mitch Mcconnell has a protojay, a friend in kentucky, he wants to put a very rightwing judge on the second most court in the land, the court of appeals, it has nothing to do with covid, and the guy was rated unqualified by the bar association. Thats why hes calling us back. If were going to come back, we ought to be focusing on covid and making things better . Whats he like when the cameras arent on . He, look, i try to get along with everybody, and but hes not very talkative. Lets put it like that. Stephen okay. Now, you want the next bill to be like the 2 trillion cares act. Yeah . What should the United States congress how should in t United States congress allocate the next 2 there will trl right, there are a lot of things we should have in it. We need to make sure our elections in november are fair and safe and free. A lot of people wont want to go to follows. We ought to have mail ballots for everyone, but we ought to allow people who want to go to follows to be there. We need to make sure some to have the barriers, the state of alabama, to vote by absentee mail, you need a notary public to certify. Why is that done . To prevent minorities and poor people from voting. Three things. The second thing is we need a heros fund. These frontline workers, my heart goes out to them, theyre such amazing people, risking their lives going to work every day. And their burdens are amazing. I dont know if youre seeing this in new york, every night at 7 00, about an hour, we lean out our windows and we cheer these workers. Were all isolated now. We hate being isolated as new yorkers. We love to go to the parks and the subways and be near each other. But at least people are cheering. Who are we cheering . Let me tell you a story of one guy i talked to on the phone, a Home Healthcare worker. He takes care of two elderly people and gets paid a little bit above minimum wage. He should get more. He took a bus to take care of these people every day, and he cared for them. But now, with covid, the bus isnt running. He puts pays for a cab to go take care of the people and come back. He hardly has any money. So we ought to give these heroes, these frontline workers whether medical, Grocery Store workers or bus drivers something extra. We propose extra hazard pay, a heros fund of 13 an hour. The third thing we ought to do is to make sure the states and local governments have money. Theyre going broke. Mitch mcconnell said let them go bankrupt. Thats not an abstract concept. These are people. Theyre going to have to lay off firefighters who protect us, police officers, bus drivers, safety workers, hospital workers so we ought to get real money. The states and localities are spending a ton of money on covid, but theyre also not getting revenues because no ones paying taxes. The federal government delayed taxes till june 30th, so that means most states dont get the taxes either because the two are done in sync. Stephen we have to take a break. Stick around, when we come back, why the senator doesnt want President Trump to sign all our individual checks. Its interesting what happens when you treat every little piece of a thing. Like its not just one thing. But everything. Because when each part does everything better than ever. Imaginthw dell x 10tgen inteo the sum of those parts. Petsmart has everything your pet needs delivered directly to your door. Or save 10 when you buy online and pick up in store. Now with curbside pickup. Shop petsmart. Com or download our mobile app today. Youre not using too much are ycharmin ultra soft is so soft youll have to remind your family they can use less. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. The last thing you should have to worry about right now is having enough toilet paper. Please know were working around the clock to get you more charmin. Stay safe. Step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. To help keep you free from the risk of hiv. From the makers of truvada, theres another prep option descovy for prep. The chances of gettingion hiv through sex. Its not for everyone. Descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birth. Talk to your doctor to find out if its right for you. Step up. For health and body. Prep up for your one and only love or many loves. For kings, this queen, and you royals in between. For my now. Our now. And my future. Our future. Step up. Prep up. Descovy is another way to prep. Descovy does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections, so its important to use safer sex practices and get tested regularly. You must be hivnegative to take descovy for prep. So you need to get tested for hiv immediately before and at least every 3 months while taking it. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. They may check to confirm you are still hivnegative. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. The most common side effect was diarrhea. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. Ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. Words are loud but actions are louder. Step up. Prep up. With descovy for prep. Get help paying for descovy for prep. Learn more at stepupprepup. Com stephen welcome back, folks. Were here with senator Chuck Schumer. I know that if the checks to go out, the president is going to want his name on the next round of checks, and youve introduced the no p. R. Act to remove the president s name from the checks. Yeah. Stephen dont you think thats going to be a bit of a tough sell to get him to sign something saying he cant sign things . Look, the point was to point out something, which is President Trump, this is not about you, this is not about your reelection, this is about helping america, and if it takes some extra time to get these letters out, if it costs some extra money but it sends the wrong signal, this is not a political this is not something to get political gain out of. We should all be working together to solve this one of the most awful problems the countrys faced, you know, maybe the greatest problem since world war two, and, instead, he seems to be concerned with fighting his enemies, praising himself, thats a bad idea. So it was sort of symbolic. Stephen i know you want to protect the elections as you said before. Yeah. Stephen what do you think about new york canceling the democratic president ial primary . Do you think that was the right thing to do . Well, they didnt have much choice, i guess, but we should make sure the elections in november are really fair. As i said, making sure that everybody can vote by mail if they wish, making sure, if they want to show up in person, they can, making sure these barriers go away, thats going to be a big fight on the next bill, but preserving our democracy and not letting this evil coronavirus get in the way of the fairness of our elections would be an important thing. Some of our republican friends may resist this, i hope not. Many are for it, governor dewine and Governor Hogan has been great, so it shouldnt be a partisan issue. Enbacko e yory, why not just were a state of crisis in york health system. The board of elections stephen why postpone it . Doesnt that make it harder for joe biden . I think its 340 delegates and right now hes not at 9,991, and if he goes to the Virtual Convention in narnia, wherever theyre holding it, without a first round victory, in the second round the delegates can vote for anyone they want. It could be andrew cuomo oh, my god, are you trying to get andrew cuomo nominated . Its the state board of elections. I have no say over them. Stephen im sure the senator from new york doesnt have any say over what happens in the democratic primary in new york. They did it, i dont know why, but they must have had good reason. I havent heard much of an outcry from the biden campaign, so i dont think theyre too worried about it. Stephen okay. Before we go, i want to ask you one, i think, very important question which is you have been in public life for decades, what does it say to you about this moment that the u. S. Government, last week, released ufo footage and no one cares. Yes. Well, probably harry reid cared. He was the leader before me. Stephen thats what i understand. He was fascinath this stuff. He would always show me these articles and i would read them and i would say, no, harry. But you know what it shows, it shows how this crisis has so consumed us that no one would Pay Attention to this because were all consumed by the crisis. I want to just say one more thing, stephen. We will overcome this. You know, new york will overcome it. I so love new york. And its a horrible thing hearing to have the deaths and the illnesses and it gets you down, but, you know, each time we bounce back. I remember after 9 11, they said new yorks finished, no one who lives south of canal street, no businesses will want to locate to new york. We came back bigger, stronger than ever. We new yorkers are a stiff, resilient breed, we love new york, we will overcome this and be back. Stephen that is the truth, senator. Thanks, stephen. Stephen senator Chuck Schumer, everybody. Thanks for being here, sir. Well be right back with Paul Giamatti. No, no i dont. You go. I was just going to say on slide 7, talking about bundling and saving. Umm. Jamie, youre cutting out. Sorry im late hey, whoevers doing that, can you go on mute . Oh, my bad i was just saying theres a typo on slide 7. Bundle home auto for big discosnouts. I think thats supposed to say discounts. You sure about that . Hey, can you guys see me . Stand up to moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis. And take. It. On. With rinvoq. Rinvoq a oncedaily pill. Can dramatically improve symptoms. Rinvoq helps tame pain, stiffness, swelling. And for somerinvoq can even significantly reduce ra fatigue. Thats rinvoq relief. With ra, your overactive immune system. Attacks your joints. Rinvoq regulates it to help stop the attack. Rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious infections and blood clots, sometimes fatal, have occurred. 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So meet eno, the capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Whats in your wallet . Youaround kitchens,ix them. Counters and consoles. Favorite flavors f youaroungood gather. Them. Counters and consoles. Only at target. Life is too far you cant do it on your own but time will show and dont you know how bad we need each other . You know what im saying . Hmmm. Mmm. Mmmm. Mmmm stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest is an Emmy Awardwinning actor you know from cinderella man, sideways, and john adams. His show billions is returning for its fifth season on showtime. Please welcome, Paul GiamattiPaul Giamatti unbelievable. Stephen welcome to the future. This is insane. Its really fascinating. Thank you. Im happy to be here. Stephen isnt it . Im so happy to have you here. It is a little crazy, isnt it . Very much so. Stephen its both very hard and surprisingly easy at the same time. Yes, in a weird way, i know what you mean. No, i mean theres really not much to do. Stephen yeah. Ive tried to do a little writing. I have been drawing again, which i hadnt done in many years, and thats been a wonderful thing, actually, having this time on ones hands to take up things again. Stephen i heard that you first your first goal was to be a cartoonist. Yeah, a lot of my life, i wanted to be some kind of artist, a cartoonist or some kind of illustrator or Something Like that. Yeah, i definitely thought seriously about it, yeah. Stephen would you be willing to share any of your art with us, Paul Giamatti . You know, i i would. laughter funny you should ask, stephen. I would. Stephen is this an exclusive, Paul Giamatti . I was going to say, you know, nobody else but you would get me to do this because ive never shown any of my artwork particularly before. So im going to show you a couple here. I dont know, do i just hold it up . Stephen well have this show notarized. Is weirdrd, scifiish, alien. Theres another sort of tough guy like that. Stephen thats great. Yeah, i did all these kinds of things, that guy. Stephen thats good. They look like pfeiffer drawings to me. Yeah. Stephen wow is that rase piewten . Thats what everybody says when they see it. I have no idea what it is. I dont really think too much about what the hell it is im drawing. Its just like i kind of do these faces and then just sort of, you know, do that kind of thing. Stephen Paul Giamatti, you have to to a graphic novel. I would love to do Something Like that. Its funny, because ive got a lot of time on h my hands and i have been thinking of doing something more. I dont know what the hell im doing and i never really took any lessons. But its been fun doing it again. Its been a good thing. Stephen those are amazing. Can i have one . Sure. Absolutely. Stephen can i have one . Absolutely you can have one. Ill do a special one for you. Stephen okay. Look at that i just turned a profit. Yeah. Stephen giamatti original edition. Thats about 37 cents on ebay. Stephen so you performed with amazing costars, have there been any of them stick out to you as being particularly memorable . Oh, too many luminaires of the entertainment industry. You ask me that kind of thing, and the the first things that come to mind is often, you know, the things that stick in my mind more, ive worked with a lot of amazing animals. I worked with a baboon once, and that was probably one of the more remarkable things. Thats the kind of thing that sticks in my mind more than having worked with vanessa redgrave. I worked with a baboon, far more interesting. Stephen why were you working with a baboon . The movie i really dont know why there was a baboon in this movhae no idea. There was just a stephen i only the they wanted to spice the film up with a baboon. So i said thats fine with me. And i had to yeah, and i had a lot to to with the baboon. The problem was the baboon was scaring at me. The first thing i had to do with the baboon was yell at lot and that terrified the baboon. He would get like this whenever i was around and he would chummy his ass which is a submissive thing that baboons do. Stephen wheeled what . He would show me his ass. They showed their ass as a kind of submissive. Stephen sure. I had special stephen well, if you got it, flaunt it. I had a special time with the baboon because the baboon was supposed to punch me at one point. Stephen were you scared at all . Because i would be very scared. Theyve got the mouths. They do have. Stephen he was a threat, and bite your face off. A female one was scarier and much cooler looking for closeup. The other one is he was scared of me. They did train him how to load a revolver, though. Stephen that is the opening of planet of the apes laughter we taught a baboon to load a revolver, the next thing were all working in the banana mines. He is never going to forget that. Stephen wait a second you played an orangutan in the 2001 markey Mark Wahlberg version of the remake of the april movie, right . Thats correct. Thats correct. Stephen maybe the baboon sensed it. No, it might have been Something Like that. It might have been Something Like that because i had a trouble with a lot of the simiens on that movie, too. One of the chimpanzees was attracted to me on the movie and had to be kept separate. Stephen can you blame her . Nope. Nope. Him. Stephen all that goodness. Him. Well, listen, no judgment. Showbiz. Now, billions, what season are we going into now . Five. Stephen season five of billions. Yes. Stephen premieres this sunday at 9 00 p. M. On the showtime. I understand you had to stop in the middle of the season. What happened . I know what happened, but yeah, what happened. Stephen why did you stop . We got through seven episodes, so weve got five episodes left, and, yeah, they wisely chose to stop filming. Yeah. Stephen what happens . You have, like, an unexpected cliffhanger. The thing about that show is its filled with cliffhangers. Theres ten cliffhangers an episode in that thing, so i think it probably works okay and it will sort of be like that. Some day, well finish shooting the rest of the season some day. I dont know. Stephen well, when you come back, is it going to be, like, is it going to be, you know, bobby axlerod, like, stuck in his tower, like, zooming his billionaire action . I would hope it would start on me washing my and or something obsessively. I would hope it would be something. Me washing all my produce or something obsessively. I would love it if they did that. Stephen um, well, paul, lovely to see you, even from a distance. Lovely to see you, sir. Always. Stephen season 5 of billions premieres sunday 9 0 Paul Giamatti, everybody. Well be right back. Stephen thats it for a late show. Please tune in tomorrow when my guests will be Thandie Newton and ina garten. Plus a special appearance by john mulaney. Now stick around for james corden, but first, lets say good night with some music from our friend jon batiste. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the ace of spades reggie ladies and gentlemen,