Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight whotion up, doc . Plus, stephen welcomes Christine Baranski and ellie kemper with a special appearance by paul f. Tompkins. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Welcome to my home ,again. Fun fact two months ago today, we left the ed sullivan theater. I hope someones been checking on ed. Dont really know when well be back. Its all dependent on when we can gather safely. The country is starting to open up a little bit, but maybe too much a little bit, at least according to Infectious Disease expert and little boy in sweet shop indicating which toffee he would like, dr. Anthony fauci. In a preview of his testimony, today, fauci warned that reopening the economy too soon would cause needless suffering and death. No need to sugarcoat it, doc. Although, sugarcoating is a good way to get trumps attention. Its what eric does. This was a chance for dr. Fauci to testify without trump looming nearby, and a lot of people were excited to hear what fauci had to say, none more so than senate minority, leader Chuck Schumer this will be one of the first opportunities for dr. Fauci to tell the American People the unvarnished truth without the president lurking over his shoulder. Dr. Fauci, let it rip. Stephen as schumer yes, dr. Fauci, let it rip. Cut that thick cheese of knowledge. We want explosive testimony. Please, dr. Fauci, supply it. Dont deny it. Because as we all know, this coronavirus is silent but deadly. I yield the remainder of my time. Pull my finger. The hearing started off with questions about whether colleges could reopen in the fall, and fauci did not seem optimistic. The idea of having treatments available or a vaccine to facilitate the reentry of students into the fall term would be something that would be a bit of a bridge too far. Stephen im sorry, college students. There will likely be no treatment when you return to college in the fall, so make sure youre at least six feet away from whoever is lighting your bong. Buassistanetary fo health, admiral brett giroir, argued that students could return, if colleges just get a little creative with tracing. There are some experimental approaches that look interesting if not promising that, for example, wastewater from an entire dorm or an entire segment of a campus could be tested to determine whether theres coronavirus in that sewerage, the wastewater. Stephen okay, i know that sounds gross, but keep in mind, collecting an entire dorms wastewater is already the final task for sledges of sigma chi poopsilon. We also heard from f. D. A. Commissioner stephen hahn, who apparently was testifying from the great beyond. as hahn everythings going to be fine. If you dont believe me, ask your grandma. Shes so excited to see you soon. Come toward the light, senators. We also got a glimpse of one of historys greatest footnotes former future Vice President tim kaine, who apparently came straight to the senate from his other job as a cowboy for childrens parties. as kaine my first question for dr. Fauci who wants a rootintootin good birthday . pewpew we also heard from senator bernie sanders, who asked his questions with a Red Hot Chili Peppers poster in the background. I mean, no surprise there. When it comes to medicare, he wants to give it away, give it away, give it away now. What you got, you got to give it to your momma. What you got, you got to gich it to your pap. You got to give it to your daughter. You do a little dance then you drink a little water. Anthony ceetis point break. We forget, anthony kis, point break. Waste of time, man. Stephen thats exactly what he sounds like in point break. We also heard from kansas senator pat roberts, who used his time to confuse us. Thanks to all of the witnesses. You all are like the fab four. I guess it was a fab five back in the day, but you are shining the light of truth in the darkness with individual flash lights, for sure. Stephen okay, so what . Does he mean the beatles, who are the fab four . Unless you count yoko, or billy preston, or george martin, or billy shears . , my god thats how paul died the walrus was coronavirus. Listening to the Health Experts testify today, you might feel like weve got a long battle ahead of us, but according to the president , weve already won. In every generation, through every challenge and hardship and danger, america has risen to the task. We have met the moment. And we have prevailed. Stephen look, i think our countrys going to pull through this, but that seems a little premature. Its like passing out cigars on your first date, yelling, its a boy so, naturally, reporters asked him to clarify. You said in your comments earlier, we have met the moment, and we have prevailed. To you, sir, is the mission accoplished even with 1. 9 no, weve prevailed on testing is what im referring to. That was with regard to testing. Stephen oh, were prevailing on something we needed to do months ago. Just like noah said in the bible, lo, the flood may have drowned all of gods creatures, but i finally finished my kickass ark now, lets get two of every animal. Lets see, two dead goats. I think those soggy things are hamsters. So weve prevailed, but with a lot of qualifiers. I think his propaganda banner might need a slight change america leads the world in testing, but not for everyone. Terms and conditions apply. Side effects may include no testing. Fauci was testifying from home because he was in modified quarantine after two members of the Trump Administration tested positive for coronavirus. And, apparently, the president is freaking out. A former official called trump a total germaphobe. You know, for a germaphobe, trump sure is anxious to get the rest of us out in the hot zone. Its the ultimate this milk smells funny. You drink it. Also, this bleach smells funny. Drink that, too. Trumps fears may be why yesterday, the administration released a memo ordering most white house officials to wear wes te rest of us have been wearing them for the last two months, and if they had any shame, they should have been hiding their faces for the last three years. But guess what . Trump is not expected to wear a mask in the white house. as trump i cant wear a mask. It would be like im stuck in a dutch oven of big mac burps. Up until now, trump has been concerned that infected people might have been around him, but one former official says, his principal method has been, ill make sure everyone around me is tested, and then i dont have to take precautions. everyone else is safe, so he doesnt have to. Pretty smart. Thats why he made Stormy Daniels wear a condom. One staffer who trump isnt going to have to worry about is Vice President mike pence, who is maintaining distance for the immediate future from the president. as trump oh, good, now i wont have to pretend i know who this jesus guy is anymore. He sounded like a real buzzkill. Trumps been feeling a little stir crazy, so he planned a visit to a pennsylvania factory that produces p. P. E. Materials. The factory made big news back in the day, because employees there went the extra mile at the beginning of the quarantine to make sure their workspace was uncontaminated. Dozens of them lived for 28 days inside the factory. So, while the rest of us were working from home, these folks were homing from work. Given the contamination risks, the factory turned the white house down, worried that a visit from trump could jeopardize the safety of the workers. Wow. Weve all felt this way, but now someone can finally tell donald trump, listening to you talk might kill me. We have a lighter update on the coronavirus, is a sentence i didnt expect to ever say, but its true, because french language experts have determined that the acronym covid19 is officially feminine. Well, we should have known covid19 is female. It explains why trump doesnt take her seriously. Now, deciding that covid19 is a female term is a little quirky, because in french, the umbrella term for the virus type coronavirus is actually masculine. Okay, i know lots of languages do this, but giving nouns a sex feels incredibly french. french accent look at zat shovel. With the currve, eet eez obviously a woman. But the long, firm handle, eez all man. And i find this potted plant very attractive, so naturally it eez a lady plant. Eez it single . Im french. I dont care. Lets get mulching, baby. I know your thinking, stephen, who are these french language officials who get to call this stuff, some goofyass group of mustachioed, badgewearing curmudgeons . Yup, because the members of the French Academy are mostly elderly men who wear an ornate uniform and a sword and are known as the immortals. They better hope theyre immortal, because i wouldnt be caught dead in this outfit. Le slam francais we have a great show for you tonight. My guests are Christine Baranski and ellie kemper. But when we return, meanwhile join us. Effortless is the lincoln way. So as you head back out on the road, well be doing what we do best. Providing some calm amidst the chaos. With virtual, realtime tours of our vehicles as well as remote purchasing. For a little help, on and off the road. Now when you buy or lease a new lincoln, well make up to 3 payments on your behalf. Confident financial plans, calming financial plans, complete financial plans. Theyre all possible with a cfp® professional. Find yours at letsmakeaplan. Org. Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs wisleep. Fp® professional. Our gummies contain a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. Dont bring that mess around here, evan whoo dont do it. Dont you dare. I dont think so [ sighs ] its okay, big fella. Were gonna get through this together. [ baseball bat cracks ] nice rip, robbie. Raaah when you bundle home and Auto Insurance through progressive, you get more than just a big discount. Im gonna need you to leave. You get relentless protection. [ baseball bat cracks ] welcome back to a late show. Hope youre doing well. Lets talk with a friend of ours who always makes us feels better, mr. Jon batiste. Jon, how are you feeling tonight . Im doing real good. How are you feeling. Stephen im doing good. Tell me about your jacket spp is that your high school jacket. Jon this is my high school jacket. I love representing eye remember those times fondly. Stephen you played basketball for saint agustin, right . Jon thats right, thats right. I played basketball, and we actually won i always like to say this and im going to keep saying it forever we won the national championship, a. A. U. Champions. Stephen jon batiste good to so you. Ir. Go see you, sir, much love. Stephen folks, i spend a lot of time in here painstakingly sourcing the most finely engineered news parts to assemble the stateoftheart, grand prixwinning f1 supercar that is my monologue. But sometimes i like to scavenge the topical junkyard for scrap metal, used airbags, and a structurally unsound chassis, slap it all together with duct tape, then careen down Breakneck Hill in the ramshackle soap box jalopy of news that is my segment. Quarantinewhile stephen quarantinewhile. Coronavirus has prompted the Michigan Health department to launch a free condom delivery service. A Critical Service during a pandemic quarantine. Ive always said, condoms are the fay mask of the penis. And covid is impacting the entire industry. The maker of durex condoms said that the quarantine was having a toll on the number of intimate occasions. You know what else will have a toll on intimate occasions . Calling them intimate occasions . Hey, what do you say head back to my place and have an intimate occasion . No . How about a fornication occurrence . No . A body fluid conference . Where are you going . Intimate occasions is not what normal humans call sex. Its the name of a strippers perfume. Quarantinewhile, judi dench says her cats costume was like five foxes bleep on my back. and watching cats is like five dogs humping your brain. Although five foxes bleep on my back is my favorite dr. Seuss book. I do not like them on my back. I do not like them near my crack. Quarantinewhile, in lockdown beauty regimen news, kesha is treating herself to butt masks during quarantine. As long as theyre not n95 butt masks. Wethose for the doors butts. Keshas tush treatment is a butt sheet mask, formulated with citrus to brighten and rejuvenate. It helps reduce the appearance of blemishes and alleviate dullness, leaving your skin plump, hydrated, and radiant looking. Look, i want to go on the record and say i know a lot of pressure about their bodies on women is from men. But i promise, this ones not coming from us. No man is saying i think i gotta break up with sarah. I know shes crazy hot, but her butt skin is dull. Theres just no bright citrus to it. All i want is a girl whose ass has enough reflectivity to capture deep field photos of ancient galaxies. And the butt sheets arent easy to apply. Having someone put it on your butt, so thats another perk of being quriend. Well, that depends on who you ask. For instance, the boyfriend. Sorry, guys. Mondays no good for our call of duty tournament. I gotta gladwrap my ladys caboose. Im being told its a perk. Quarantinewhile, after being deemed nonessential and shut down during the lockdown, the lucky devil lounge in oregon has now converted to a drivethru strip club. Finally, a way to combine the sadness of going to a strip club with the sadness of eating in your car. Quarantinewhile, as part of a new Pilot Program, this week a robot dog is patrolling singapore parks to encourage social distancing amid the coronavirus pandemic. Borcatbeoe whoops, sorry. That was from an episode of black mirror. Im sure the real robodog looks and feels absolutely nothing like that robot whatsoev aaand, were all gonna die. At least this ones a jaunty yellow i gotta say, people would be a lot more receptive if the dog was cuter, cuddlier, and less dystopian. Thats why i have designed my own Pilot Program the bennybot 9000. Come here, benny. Benny, what are you doing . He was licking the plate. You missed your benny is ready to be deployed in public parks where he will spread his message of safety, then eat your picnic, steal your s publ Health Ambassador . You are yes, you are well be right back with Christine Baranski. Up to the meet Christine Baranski . Shes a national treasure, yes, she is there are so many toothpastes out there, which one should i use . Try crest pro active defense. It neutralizes bacteria for a healthier mouth than even the leading multibenefit toothpaste. Crest. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest is the emmy and Tony Awardwinning actress you know from mamma mia , into the woods, and the good fight. Please welcome Christine Baranski hello, Christine Baranski. How are you . Im so well. How are you . Stephen im doing as well as can be expected. I know. I know. Stephen thank you so much for being here. For you, anything. Stephen how has your quarantine been so far . Grans i guess m sen a mrandsons are age one and a half, four, and six. Stephen well, how how is how is that to be quarantining with the young grandsons . I bet that keeps things very lively . Very lively. The day starts very early. And the only time i have any peace is after 7 30, which is when i have to do most interviews and, you know its the only time house is quiet. So its been a bit of a comedy to, you know, i would think eight woaks of quarantine, wow, i can read the collected works of Edith Wharton and henry james. And i spend most of my day picking up lego s. Stephen how old are these children again . One and a half, four, and six. Its rock n roll here, let mow tell you. Stephen as i said before, small but relentless opponents . Yes. I call this auntie maims Daycare Center for boys. Stephen there have been some Red Letter Days woe missed. Mothers day, your birthday, both in the same woke, i understand. Yeah. Stephen how did you celebrate those . Well, my little grnsz, the throw of them came into my room on the morning of my birthday with a tray with coffee and a home made muffin and flowers. Stephen couldnt asy orge trombone they bought him when he was two, but its an actual size trombone. Its just orange plastic and he tooted a few loud noises for me. Stephen wait a second, how was that received by the parents that you gave a child a trombone . Thats like guessing your child a tin drem drum. Youve just given your grandchild a noise maker and said, have fun raising him . If i really wanted revenge on my daughter and soninlaw, i would buy them a drum set. But this comes because i have such a passion for music and i want to pass on moi love of music. So i took my little grandson, even at the age of two, to sam ash in new york, and they sell every musical instrument. And i took him to introduce him to all of the different instruments. And i said, which are your favorites . And of course the drum was his favorite. He loved the trombone. Of course you cant buy a child an actual trombone. Its heavy and unwieldy. But they make the actual trombone that are the actual size. And when he was two his birthday he actually it takes a lot to produce yeah, he did it. He did it. Stephen hes a natural. And hoe did it again on moi birthday. And on mothers day, i tock a fivemile hike, and we had a lot of a lot of Outdoor Activity makes us happy, obviously. laughs . Stephen you celebrated another birthday recently, quite beautifully, with some of your friends. Stephen sond mimes 90th birthday, you, meryl streep and Audra Mcdonald sang the ladies who lunch from company on sond hams 90th concert. Its become of bit of a sensation. Did you know that it would be so well received because its just fantastic to watch the throw of you do this. Another reason not to move another stinger ill drink to that i can only tell you that maybe two days before we put it down, in front of our cell phones, woe actually had a zom call between the three of us, and we said, do we really want to do this . I mean, this could end our careersment. We anyhow workplace going way out on a limb. Stephen how . How would it end your career . Because because we would be singing in the company of so many of the truly great broadway performing artists. Stephen sure. Audra is noyby and then thers merrill. But we were going to do this tongue in cheek. And the way it came about, audra and merrill and i had taken steve out to dinner last year because woe all adore him. Lets try and make it happen that we can take stove out. And after this marvelous dinner at an italian restaurant, we kind of vowed that woe would do it again at some point sooner rather than later. So it was steves 90th actual birthday in march, and i emailed him and said, you know, we really haved to that dinner again with the three of us the four of us, but we may have to do it via skype. This is before i was even asked to do this broadway celebration online. Anyway, i got the call from are youule esparza, about this wonderful Organization Artists striving to end poverty. And he said, would something . And i said, well, of course. And ive always wanted to sing ladies who lunch, and company was the first musical i saw when i got to new york in 1970. And it was the 50th anniversary of company the broadway show. Stephen sure. So that popped to mind, and within a millisecond, i thought, wait a minute, what if merrill and audra and i do it the three of us will share the song . And oilstart it out, and everybody will think, oh, of course christine is going to sing that song. Shes always playing these sophisticated witty drunken types. Second stanza well cut to merrill, third stanza audra will do, and well divvy it up. It took some doing because we couldnt hear each other. Stephen its very hard to sing over zoom and to keep it in the same time signature. We had we were singing you know, woe changed keys to accommodate audra because she had some of the heavy lifting voang low. She had to let it rip. But we were dog it, you know, in our in our selective caves. I was in a back office, and the only time i could record that song, as i said, after my grandchildren went to sleep. So at 8 00, grandma is down hoar in the office with several bottles of red wine, which were my props. Stephen i have some of those props, too. Yeah. And, you know, the funny thing is i had to do multiple takes of a song that requires you to open up vocally in something of an alcoholic rage. So stephen i know. Theres that wonderful part of the song, which woe sang, the three of us sang, which is another reason not to move another vodka stinger i. I. I. Ill drink to that. Can you imagine . The grandmother . Whats happening. And at the end of the song, you are vto do eight rises in a row, rise rise, rise i do this. I have it on tape. I think i havent traumatized the children. But the next morning the aformentioned fouryearold says to me at breakfast, i never want to hear that song again. Stephen the good fight, the the good fight returned last month for the fourth season. The show has also been sort of enmeshed with current events, and i understand the coronavirus is going to show up in the show. It remains to be they have not said. The kings have not said that. But i cant i mean, everythings going to have to be we will all have to acknowledge that this gigantic thing has happened. Stephen how you can ignore it . How you can ignore it . My hope its only upside of this is the actresses get to wear face masks and well only have to make up the top half of our faces. And re wearing face masks, you dont really have to know your loins, do you . You can just do it in a. D. R. You know. So thats a positive. I have no idea. All i know is the kings know how to write this show in as contemporaneous as any show. And right now, this this season four is really about going after the department of justice. And diane takes on these pro bono cases and it seems show discovers that cases are being dropped, and certain people, wealthy, wellconnected people, dont have to comply with subpoena s. Stephen wow. Official rulings or revealing their tax returns. Does any of this sound familiar . Stephen i didnt realize your running fantasy. Its my favorite season because past seasons were about diane being driven crazy because of trump. This is going after the bigica hoona, the big enabler, shall we call him . Stephen sure, why not. Well, lovely to have you here. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Its always fun. And thank you for doing the show and keeping our spirits alive. I mean, god bless you. Much love. Stephen its all therapy for us, too. Thank you so much. Yu you can watch the good fight on cbs all access. Christine baranski, everyone when we come back, ill give you plenty of reasons to stay indoors. Stick around. Happy birthday so, it goes. Hold up your answers. How is mickey doing today . Youre just a really hard worker. Thick and creamy hvr dips. Is now more important than ever. At sprint, we understand saving money for your family thats why were offering our best unlimited deal. Switch and get four lines of unlimited for just 100 a month. Thats right four lines, for 100 bucks if thats not enough, to really amp this up, were including four amazing iphone 11s, on us, when you trade in iphone 6ss or newer, in any condition. And now, sprint customers enjoy expanded roaming access on the tmobile network. Shop from the comfort of your home at sprint. Com or come see us in our stores. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Alice loves the scent of gain so much, she wished there was a way to make it last longer. Say hello to your fairy godmother alice. And longlasting gain scent beads. Part of the irresistible scent collection from gain stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. You know, weve been in isolation for a while now. And the cabin fever is definitely beginning to set in. You know how in cartoons, theyll look at a person and hallucinate that theyre like a delicious turkey drumstick . Well, im now looking at my food and imagining its a friend i havent seen in a while. And even though some states are gradually lifting their bans, right now, the safest thing for yourself and those you love is to keep social distancing at home. Of course staying inside can be tough. Fortunately, friend of the show paul f. Tompkins has a message about just how great the Great Indoors can be. Jim . Right oh, hello. I didnt see you who dresses lia professor, paul f. Tompkins. Like most americans, right now im doing moi part by staying home and being scared. And during this historic time, while we are advised to stay inside as much as possible, its important to remember that inside is exactly where many of the greatest moments of history have occurred. This is great moments in indoor history. April 9, 1965, the first game is played at the houston astrodome, taking professional baseball where it had never been defer indoors. And because it is baseball, that same game is still being played to this day. August 2, 1776, the Second Continental Congress signs the declaration of independence at philadelphias independence hall. But did it happen outside of the hall . No, dear viewer, it happened indoors. If it happened outdoors, the declaration maeve blown waerk thereby ending the revolution. King gorge would have won and we all would be speaking english. July 20, 1969 nice. Neil armstrong becomes the first earthling to step foot on the moon. I know what youre thinking the moon is outside. But, remember, who was inside a suit. So, technically, indoors. The whole all of him was in theres a door in the front. It works. September 1964 seymour cray unveils the worlds first super exowrt. And to make sure his invention is not destroyed by rain or pooped on by birds he keeps it indoors. August 7, 1888. The design of the revolving door, taking doors where theyve never gone before, indoors. Then outdoors, then indoors, then outdoors, then indoors, and so on. You get it. July 1965, jim morrison and ray manzerric begin writing songs. Im sorry. This one appears tob a great moment in dors, the band history. But to be fair, most of their performances were held endors, so. 25 more shades of grey to go. Upon thos all the time i have for great moments in indoor history. Im just kidding. I have plenty of time im not doing anything. But i will be ending the segment now. Until next time, stay safe, and if you can, stay indoors stephen thank you to paul f. Tompkins. Well be right back. These are extraordinary times, and we want to thank the Extraordinary People in the healthcare community, working to care for all of us. At novartis, we promise to do our part. As always, were doing everything we can to help keep cosentyx accessible and affordable. If you have any questions at all, call us, email us, visit us online. Were here to help support you when you need us. Take care, and be well. To learn more, call one eight four four cosentyx or visit cosentyx. Com capital one knows life doesnt update you about your credit card. So meet eno. The capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Whats in your wallet . 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Keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. 16. laughter how many pints of iced tea are left in the pitcher . Times. Ten. So, wait. errhhhhh do you want to show us the continents on the. No. It is not going good. My mom is getting stressed out. speaks hebrew mommas tired. I, im, like. Woooo. screams sighs heavily so, starting just quickly by breathing in. I never thought id say this, but i kind of miss school the teachers, i mean, yall are gifted people i thank you so much for what youre doing. Their investment into our children is beyond what we can even imagine. Appreciate all that you do. Mr. President , in one of your mothers day tweets you appeared to accuse president obama of the biggest political crime in American History by far. Those were your words. What crime, exactly, are you awe ciewzing president obama of . Did somebody say crime . Obamagate. Obamagate. What is that . Its been going on from before i even got elected. Then we must stop it. What is that . Its a disgrace that it happened . Can you get more specific. Somened. Uhhuh. And they should never be allowed to happen in our country again. He doesnt know. I have to go. Cat in a tree. In euless, texas. Good neighbors is there for one another during a time like these. We are here to serve you during lunchtime, breakfast and dinner, and we will deliver to you. Im here for you and we can get through this together. Frustrated that everyday activities cause wrinkles and theres nothing you can do about it . Downy wrinkleguard is a fabric conditioner that helps protect you from wrinkles all day. Pants washed with downy wrinkleguard and detergent are virtually wrinklefree. Try downy wrinkleguard. So as you head back out on the road, well be doing what we do best. Providing some calm amidst the chaos. With virtual, realtime tours of our vehicles as well as remote purchasing. Now when you buy or lease a new lincoln, well make up to 3 payments on your behalf. New force flex plus, bright colors febreze freshness. Stephen welcome back to a late show everybody. You know my next guest from the office, bridesmaids, and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Please welcome ellie kemper well, well, well. Well, well. Stephen what have we here . Turn off the phone glf ellie kemper. Who are you talking to, somebody good . Im texting my mom. It is somebody good. Its my mom. Stephen how was your mothers day . Mine was good, it was it was uneventful, which was good. I have to say there wasnt that much down time. Stephen you dont want an eventful mothers day. How was your mothers day . Unbelievably packed. I cant believe it, we still we still havent gotten all the cattle out of the yard. Theyll thereby until next mothers day. I like a mothers day blowout. Stephen sure, fight, 50 fist cuffs youre back in st. Louis where you grew up. Yes, i am. I was working in montreal when everything start getting smut down. I was with my family, my two sons and michel who you know. Stephen i do know him. And he was in montreal. So we decided to come to st. Louis so the kids could have a yard. Weve been staying at a friends house here, since march midmarch, however long this has been. Stephen how have your kids liked it . Have they had a good time. You guys normally live in manhattan not manhattan but new york. We do live in manhattan. But coming here has been one Silver Lining to this awful, awful situation is that my kids have been spending a lot of time outside. And were staying near theres a lake nearby the house where were staying. And theres so much wildlife. Theres, like, deer and turkeys, even. And there are geese. And its been really fun for james, my older son, to see all these animals. But i will tell you one of the first days we were here, we were going for a walk around this lake, and james was on his scooter and he was going too fast. So i shouted at him to slow down. And i guess i startled a nearby goose, and i have to believe she was a mother goose. Because this woman, this woman goose, spun her head around. She looked me straight in the eye, and i dont know if you are familiar with exactly how fast escan stephen and theyre mean. Oh, they are mean i knew swans were mean. I did not know geese were mean. Stephen oh, yeah. She came sprinting toward me. Then began to take flight, and she clipped my face with her wing. Like, she she got me. Stephen wow gave you one of these, whack a total whack. And then i thought we were done. We were not done. She then wheeled around i guess spun around and then punched me in the face with her wing again. And it was it was it was very it was terrifying. Stephen did it upset your son . No. And, in fact, ever since the goose attack, do you know what he says to me . Stephen what . Well ill tell you. He says, i really wish i werent a person i want to be a goose. This is after seeing his mother be attacked by a goose. Stephen wow. Now he wants to be a goose. So you tell me stephen have you have you reminded him that you are a victimave goose. Yes, i have. I said, you know, j a goose attacked me. You were there watching. And he said, i know, mom. But he didnt get me. I dont know what that means. I dont know what to do with that. Stephen i want to talk to you about the unbreakable kimmy smits, the interactive. And how is it an interactive movie . Its very cool, tina fey, and robert karlic, innovators until the end. Stephen till the end . Thats kind of grim. Till the end, yeah. Theyll be innovating until that time. Basically, you, the viewer, can choose which choice you want the characters to make. At various points in the show, pretty much every five or 10 minutes, theres a choice that appears on the bottom of your screen, and the viewer gets tors to go down. Stephen wait a second. How much does that decision tree kind of pick your owo exist . I know. So much movie. We shot it in under 30 days last summer. Its nine movies in one no, 30 movies in one. I just upped it. Its a lot of movies in one, and keeping track of that was very confusing. Stephen i want to put up a photo on screen here, and its you and your costar, tituss burgess, from the beginning of kimmy schmidt. Can you explain why you wanted this moment memorialized . Thats an unusual shot. Its not your typical shot. This was during the pilot, the First Episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. And basically we just wanted to take a selfie. He was going to post it on instagram. Oh, were working together. How much fun. But when the production asistant took the photo showed us his phone, it was so it looks liketituss is naked. Stephen it is. Lets call it what it is. It looks like he is not wearing any clothes. Stephen at the very best from the waist down hes vapor, like a jeanie. Stephen im not sure which one is better. Stephen okay. To be honest. The reason he didnt have a shirt on, is he was taking a shower in the world of the show. So anyway, when i saw this photo, again, its so very steamy, that i started laughing uncontrollably. And one thing that happens to me sometimes when i laugh too hard, i do wet my pants. I have always done that. And why stop now . So i started to wet my pantsz. And this is when i knew tituss was my forever friend. I go, oh, my gosh. Im so sorry. Im wetting my pants right now. And he said, ewww. Thats all he said was ewww. The bottom of him was vapor. Stephen you were still sitting on his lap when this happened . Yes. He took it all i hopped up when i realized stephen and you stayed friend. Thats a good man. Hold on to that one. I will forever. Stephen the the interactive special Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt kimmy vs. The reverend is available now on netflix. Ellie kemper, everybody well be right back. Thanks ellie. Thank you so muc h. Late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guest will be hugh laurie, plus a performance by benjamin gibbard. Wow i love those two guys. Its like its my birthday or someth but how about first, we say hello to our friend jon batiste. Captio ng sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh oh, oh its the late late show james hello. Good evening ladies and