Point is, am i white or black . I guess theres no way well ever know. siren come out with your hands up huh i guess now we know. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights dream on, plus stephen welcomes Sherrilyn Ifill and Mike Birbiglia, featuring jon batiste and sta stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen im not a rocket. Im not going to blast off. Welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Its been a rough few years these last two weeks, but today we got some good news. Because this morning, the Supreme Court ruled against trumps attempt to end daca, a win for undocumented dreamers brought to the u. S. As children. Of course, trump doesnt care about immigrants brought to the u. S. As children. He barely cares about immigrants he brought to the u. S. As wives. This is a big relief to the 800,000 immigrants enrolled in daca. 800,000 thats more than the entire population of vermont. Which is why ben and jerrys has introduced their new flavor cookies and dreamers immintgrant dacalate chip, brought here by no choice of their cone. That wasnt easy to say. I like it, though. Stephen it was a 54 decision. Liberal pinko chief of the patchouli circle Justice John Roberts wrote the majority opinion, and he returned the president s homework with a note that said, show your work. We do not decide whether daca or its rescission are sound policies, the wisdom of those decisions is none of our concern. we address only whether the agency complied with the procedural requirement that it provide a reasoned explanation for its action. as trump what, now ive got to have a reason for the things i do . Other than hungry or horny or both, which i call horngry . Trump was not pleased with this decision or the one monday that said employers cannot fire people just because theyre l. G. B. T. Q. He tweeted, these horrible and politically charged decisions coming out of the Supreme Court are shotgun blasts into the face of people that are proud to call themselves republicans or conservatives. We need more justices or we will lose our Second Amendment and everything else. Vote trump 2020 so, essentially your argument is this is as bad as getting shot in the face and arent guns great . We should keep them. He went on to tweet, do you get the impression that the Supreme Court doesnt like me . Yes, i do. They wear black robes. Some of your fans have been known to wear the white ones. Ku klux kaslam where does he find the courage . stephen one person who really doesnt like trump is former National Security adviser and evil lorax, john bolton. Bolton has written a scathing tellall about his time in the Trump Administration called the room where it happened, which trump is desperate to suppress. So, naturally, the book is currently number one on amazon. By the way, number two is the tellall by trumps niece, and number three is how to be an antiracist. So, theyre really all about trump. Of course, boltons book is only available as preorder, due to trumps swift action, its impossible to get your hands on one of these. Yesterday, excerpts of the book were leaked. Bolton writes that trump coddled dictators, thought finland was part of russia, and gave the thumbsup to chinese concentration camps. Trump immediately went on fox news and went after bolton. He was a washed up guy, i gave him a chance, he couldnt get Senate Confirmed so i gave him a nonSenate Confirmed position so i could just put him there and see how he worked. Stephen as trump cause when it comes to National Security, i just like to give any old loser the job. Throw em a bone. The book claims that during trumps 2018 meeting with kim jongun, pompeo slipped bolton a note disparaging the president , saying, he is so full of bleep . I trust pompeos intel on that. His lips have spent a lot of time in the vicinity of trumps ass. Trump wasnt buying it, telling the wall street journal, i would doubt that. Does he have the note . Let me see the note. Well, mr. President , because you asked so crazy that i have one of these. John roberts sent it to me. Another explosive detail is that trump asked chinese president xi jinping to interfere in our upcoming election. Trump was asked if that was true, and heres what he said well, first of all, nobody has been tougher on russia or china than i have. Nobody even close. Chinas paying us billions of dollars a year. They never gave us 10 cents. So nobody has been tough on china and nobody has been tough with russia like i have. And thats, thats in the record books. Stephen . True . Answer the damn question. Did you murder your roommate with an ax . First of all, no one enjoys woodworking more than i do. I built a table and a hutch and thats in the record books. By the way, dont look inside the hutch. Of course, while trump had his mouth open anyway, a lot of other stupid stuff dribbled out. The journal asked trump about originally scheduling his tulsa rally for juneteenth, the holiday commemorating the day the last enslaved people learned about the end of slavery in the united states, and far from being ashamed, trump was proud of it. I made juneteenth very famous. Its actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it. Stephen as trump in fact, i announced the rally that upset everyone on the tenth, so im starting a new holiday for white people called junetenth, celebrating the day they all learned about juneteenth. Then, to drive home the awkwardness, trump tried to prove he had popularized juneteenth by asking an aide if she had ever heard of it. She pointed out that the white house had issued a Statement Last year commemorating the day. He replied, oh, really . We put out a statement . The Trump White House put out a statement . Okay, okay. Good. as trump really . We put out a statement celebrating the end of slavery . cause that does not sound like me. You know how my ties are made, right . When it came to coronavirus, trump didnt think it was a big deal, and added that some americans wore facial coverings not as a preventative measure, but as a way to signal disapproval of him. as trump and its not just masks either. What about all those protesters wearing ventilators to show theyre antitrump . And dont get me started on those socialists in their governmentissued, antifa body bags. Despite how much pressure trumps putting on him, bolton is not backing down. He sat down for an interview with Martha Raddatz that will air on sunday, and he didnt pull any punches. How would you describe trumps relationship with Vladimir Putin . I think putin can play him like a fiddle. Stephen i dont think thats fair. Trump is like a celloo, big, wide and hard to get out of a ramp. While the nationwide peaceful protests for Racial Justice have drifted out of the nightly news coverage, theyre still going strong in major cities all across the country. Because there are still plenty of reasons to protest. Like the case of 27 yearold rayshard brooks, who was fatally shot twice in the back by an Atlanta Policeman last week. Its a sadly familiar story, but this one might have a different ending, because the officer in question, garrett rolfe, now faces 11 criminal charges, including felony murder. Theyre getting rid of the bad apple, which youd think all the good apples would be excited about to maintain, you know, barrel freshness. But hours later, some of the Atlanta Police called in sick to protest the murder charge. This is a disappointing response to an officer being subject to the same laws theyre supposed to enforce. But the police union clarified it wasnt an official strike, saying, this is not an organized thing, its not a blue flu. What it actually is, is officers protesting that theyve had enough and they dont want to deal with it any longer. Yes, these officers are simply fedup with scrutiny over the shooting of unarmed black men. You can learn more about it in the upcoming film, three weeks held accountable. Yesteray, there was a step forward for Racial Justice on the breakfast table, because finally, quaker announced that they are retiring the aunt jemima brand and logo. Yes, weve achieved sweeping flapjack reform about time. This kind of racist iconography cannot be tolerated for more than 130 years. 1890. It was originally marketed as a cure for cholera. It was mostly cocaine. Now, all of the racist icons of your pantry are falling, because uncle bens rice announced they will also scrap their brand image. Hopefully, this means theyll also change their slogan from perfect every time to perfect every time, except not in 2020, and, in retrospect, pretty much never. It wont be the first time the brand has addressed their problematic logo. In 2007, uncle ben was promoted from a servant to chairman of the board. Truly, a proud day for imaginary black people everywhere. But the long overdue breakfast reckoning is not over yet. The packaging on boxes of cream of wheat may soon change. Great. While theyre at it, just get rid of the whole product. The only people buying cream of wheat are those whose favorite flavor is wet. Another logo under investigation is mrs. Butterworth, whose company is now doing a complete brand and packaging review, though the race of mrs. Butterworth has not been confirmed. The manufacturer says that mrs. Butterworth is supposed to be anyones grandma. As long as your grandma says, hello children. I want you to grab my body, squeeze it hard, and watch sweet, viscous fluid gush out of my skull. Hey, how about a three way with the honey bear . Mr. Butterworths on a work trip. Lets get sticky. Shes a sexual being. Theres no reason why she cant have her own desires. Coronavirus cases are spiking all throughout the sunbelt, and we just learned about a terrifying new threat of transmission, because flushing the toilet may fling coronavirus aerosols all over. Oh, my god our toilets have turned on us. Im not surprised, after all weve done to them. It was only a matter of time before they rose up to exact their revenge. The research was published tuesday in the journal physics of fluids. thats only half the article. Part two is being published in the physics of solids. The scientists warn theres one more behavior to be hyperaware of in order to prevent coronavirus transmission what you do after you use the toilet. Youre saying i shouldnt high five the dog whos been watching me the whole time . Hes my best friend im not gonna leave him hanging oh, im being told its not the highfiving. Apparently, turbulence from a toilet bowl can create a large plume that is potentially infectious to a bathrooms next visitor. Plume . Wow. That means every time youve flushed a Public Toilet theres been a plume. You know youre in a bad place when youre nostalgic for the days when all you were inhaling in the bathroom was the previous guys farticles. I know. Experts say there is a safety precaution you can take. Close the lid first and then trigger the flushing process. Then you can use the lid to make the toilet talk about your Great Public Health awareness. Great job, steve youre really doing your duty. But, uh, why is the dog always in here . Thanks party mouth. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Ill be talking to the president of the n. A. A. C. P. Legal defense fund, Sherrilyn Ifill. But when we come back, a look at some new fathers day cards with a special guest. Your worst sore throat pain, try Vicks Vapocool drops. Its not candy, its powerful relief. 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With this pandemic, safety is even more important to make sure we go home safe every single day. Theand we want to thank times, the Extraordinary People safety is even more important to make sure we go home in the healthcare community, working to care for all of us. At novartis, we promise to do our part. As always, were doing everything we can to help keep cosentyx accessible and affordable. If you have any questions at all, call us, email us, visit us online. Were here to help support you when you need us. Take care, and be well. To learn more, call one eight four four cosentyx or visit cosentyx. Com who has the highest percentage of its vehiclesto longevity, still on the road today . Subaru. When it comes to best overall value, who does intellichoice rank number one . Subaru. And when it comes to safety, who has more 2020 iihs top safety pick winning vehicles . More than toyota, honda, and hyundaicombined . Subaru. Its easy to love a car you can trust. Its easy to love a subaru. Get 0 apr financing for 63 months on select subaru models now through june 30th. When we closed our wynn committed instantly to keeping all 15,000 team members onboard. We then focused our fivestar level of service to all who needed it. We made improvements to peoples lives. We strove to be better and we made people happy. This closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldnt take the wynn and encore out of us. And now, we are proud to welcome you back. Stephen welcome back. Before we go, just one minute further, lets step in and say hello to our friend john podest. Hey, jon. Jon hello. Yes, indeed. Stephen i was going to ask how you are, but i know, which is the busiest man in lockdown because youre always doing something. This sunday, youre going to be on cbs, right . Jon yes, thats right, with my good friend harry connick, jr. And many others. Stephen its a you find we sing, a grammy tribute to the unsong heroes. What can we expect . Jon oh, my goodness, it will be incredible, the real story from the people on the front lines. Stephen celebrating the essential workers right now. Jon thats right. Stephen and weve got oprah, brad pitt, sandra bullock, dave matthews, and, now, i know you contributed a special performance, jim, the faked roll the tape while im talking to jon. What are you performing and who is this singing with you . Jon its the gospel soul children, and this choir is an institution in new orleans, it goes way back to ma hailia jackson and they have been every generation keeping the standard just as high, so i was playing Amazing Grace with them on that clip. Stephen ive heard it. Its extraordinary. Youve got to watch and check out the whole thing, definitely check out jon and the choir. Its incredibly moving and beautiful, and i cant wait to see it. Jon batiste, everybody. humming this sunday is fathers day, and its always nice to send the dad in your life a card. And since its harder to gather in person, those cards will matter more than ever this year. The thing is, the people who write greeting cards dont always get it right on the first try. So were taking a look at some of their early attempts in our holiday segment, first drafts stephen as always with first drafts, i need someone from the audience to come up and help me out. Pick me, pick me stephen anyone else . You, young lady. Dont tell anyone youre the only one here. You sit here, ill sit here. All right. Stephen okay. Hello. Stephen hello. And what is your name . My name is evelyn colbert. Stephen what a coincidence. Okay. So heres how it works, ivey is going to show me a Great Fathers day card and then the not so great first draft. This is your fathers day present to me but i would also like a present. Can i have the first draft . Stephen that is the final. Happy fathers day to the man who taught me everything i know. Then we open it. I love you, dad. Stephen thats really sweet. Really sweet. But the first draft said, happy fathers day to the man who taught me everything i know. Would you pass this along to mr. Cunningham if you have his address . He was an awesome teacher. Thanks, dad stephen yeah, thats honest. What are you doing for your dad for fathers day . I dont know. We maybe will go have dinner. Stephen we cant have dinner because of the coronavirus. Why dont we have a planko plankoff. Stephen her father can do a fiveminute plank and hes 91. Very good. Stephen the feeling of inadadequacy is palpable. I want your father and tom brady to have a plankoff or Something Like that. Happy fathers day. You taught me to never stop being curious. Thank you for making me a lifelong learner. But the first draft said, happ fathers day. So i finally got that d. N. A. Test and confirmed the bass player from Lynyrd Skynyrd is my real father. This is your last card. Stephen based on a true story. Nice job. Stephen based on a true story. Oh. Stephen yeah. Okay, another one . Stephen sure. I dont know, do i . Could i have the next card, please . Am i supposed to keep talking to you . Stephen well, its polite. You are hosting right now, im the guest. Are you having fun . Stephen yes. Enormous fun. laughter are you from out of down in . Whispering . Are you from out of town. Stephen stephen well, kind of, i grew up here. Yes, im from out of town. Okay, good. laughter happy fathers day. Stephen because you wouldnt think i live here all the time. I dont want to play a game that i dont know you. Its not fair to your viewers. Its not honest. Stephen keep going. Heres one. Happy fathers day. Youre the real m. V. P. But the first draft said, happy fathers day, dad. Sorry mom benched you for greg. Stephen really quite sad. Its pretty sad. Im sensing you wanted me to ask you another question. Stephen you could. What would you like for fathers day . Stephen for fathers day, i would like to fish, if possible, if thats in the cards, the weather. And then i would like to start drinking any hour i want with no judgment. Does that include breakfast . Stephen yeah, if i want an espresso martini to start off, you go, okay, its your breakfast. Done. Stephen great. I promise. Girl scouts honor . Stephen sure, sure. We should move on. Okay. Can i have the next card, please . Stephen sure. Grandpa, youre like a vintage car. Reliable hardworking, and a classic. Stephen very nice. But the first draft said, grampa. You drove your 57 chevy through a jamba juice. Were gonna need you to hand over the keys. Okay. How about that . Stephen that ones sad. It was good. That was fun. I loved that. Thank you. That was a wonderful gift to me. Im afraid theres no more time for anything else in the show. laughter i have a gift for you. I have one more gift for you . Stephen oh, you do . What is it . Well, im going to tell you. Stephen im waiting. I hid it. Very suddenly, you saw me hide it. Stephen i didnt know. O heres the thing stephen yeah. Do you remember when madeline, our first child was born and we took her to the pediatrician for the very first time. Stephen are you going to make me cry on National Television . Is there sth when we gaveler a shot and she turns to me and said you betrayed me . No, the doctor turned to me and said how did you know your husband would be a good father . I said i knew it was true because he makes me laugh. Which is true. But i have thought about it over the last 25 years and there are lots of other reasons youre a great father, one is you listen to our children. So i wanted to give you this photo of you talking to john because i think it shows what a great dad you are. Happy fathers day. Stephen there you go. Thats me listening to my youngest out on a hill. Oh, thats beautiful. Isnt that sweet . Stephen thank you. I love you. Stephen i love you, too. Happy fathers day, dads. Well be right back with the president of the naacp Legal Defense fund, Sherrilyn Ifill. We stick together, for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick together, we make the sunshine brighter, we make it all feel better, youre my, youre my, woo, yeah youre my family. yo youre my family. You wof your daily routine, so why treat your mouth any differently . Complete the job with listerine® help prevent plaque, early gum disease, bad breath and kill up to 99. 9 of germs. Listerine® bring out the bold™ [shouting] [clapping and shouting] [cymbals clanging] [knocking] room for seven. And much, much more. The firstever glb. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on most models, and 90day firstpayment deferral on any model. Nissan is ready to help you with a bold, awardwinning lineup. Kick off summer. With no payments for 3 months. Plus, well cover your payments for up to 2 more months. Or get 0 financing on 13 models for up to 84 months. Shopathome at nissan usa dot com. Stephen welcome back. My first guest tonight is the president of the n. A. A. C. P. Legal defense fund. Please welcome, Sherrilyn Ifill thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me, stephen. Stephen now, for those who may not know, please ex plain what does the naacp Legal Defense fund do . Well, were a civil rights legal organization, we were founded in 1940 by thurgood marshall, the greatest civil rights lawyer ever, and certainly of the 20th century, and we used to be part of the naacp, and we split off a and became entirely separate in 157. We litigated the famous brown vs. Board of education case that ended legal apartheid in this country and continued with the civil rights, we represented rosa parks, dr. King, selma marchers, the freedom wriers and represented mohamed ali and policing and voting and every civil rights area you can imagine in ports all over the country and advocate on capitol hill, and we just try to really focus on the way in which the law has to work to bring equality and equal citizenship to everyone. Stephen this moment were in now of protests against the overpolicing and violence against the black community is extraordinary. Over 2,000 cities and towns have had protests, even places where there isnt a large black community. What do you make of this moment and how can it be sustained and used to make lasting change . Well, its a powerful moment. I doesnt spring from nowhere. It is very much connected to the protests that we saw in 2014 when eric garner was choked to death by Police Officers in new york and said i cant breathe, and when mike brown was killed in ferguson, and the following year freddie gray, and walter scott in south carolina, the state youre from, and, you know, there was a pretty sustained kind of movement around policing reform during those years, and theres a through line to this. But i do think that this moment has brought out something a little bit different and certainly stronger. As you point out, there are protests happening in 50 states. The crowds are multiracial and diverse and theyre not going away, and i think theres something about this George Floyd Murder and watching and spending those excruciating eight minutes together watching a man beg for his life and watching the casualness of this officer with his hands in his pockets know hegs been videotaped, that i i think it just shifted something. Thats what happened in civil rights, these moments happen that capture the imagination that pull at our hearts and that galvanize people behind the kind of core people focus opened civil rights and those are the moments you have to ride the wave of change and try to sustain it, try to sustain the outrage. Its exhausting. Its my life every day but its exhausting for many people to try to stoss stain that level of outrage and engagement. Its critical to sustain it until we create infrastructure for real and lasting change. Stephen whats it like to see the National Conversation catch up with the work you have been doing for decades . Its disorient bug its also wonderful. I look at protests and i see people talking about things only wonky civil rights lawyers talk about, qualified immunity stephen thats my next question. My next question is about qualified immunity. What is it and why is it so important to address it . I know the House Democrats bill addresses qualified immunity and so does the bill Kamala Harris and cory booker introduced. Why is this an important issue . Well, qualified immunity is the Defense Police can offer when they are sued for violations of constitutional rights. And, so, its vital that we really look at this doctrine because one of the pieces thats missing, and what you hear people talking about, is the lack of accountability, and that is that officers are able to kill unarmed, innocent black people and suffer no consequences. The officer that choked to death eric garner in 2014 not only was not indicted but remained on the nypd, on the police force until last august, so for five years. This regime of impunity is part of really what were protesting about. When police say black lives matter, it really speaks to that. If our lives mattered, then the taking of that life would come with some consequence for these Police Officers, but it too often daunt, and its because of this defense that essentially has worked and been interpreted by force to immunize Police Officers from investigate be accountable for these killings. The doctrine has to be adjusted. The ways the courts have interpreted it has become so distorted. The bill youre talking about will change the standard by which we assess qualified immunity. This is something lawyers talk about. By the way, this bipartisan support to end qualified immunity. Lindsey graham said count me in on qualified immunity. I testified in the house and a number of republicans said, yes, we have to look at this. There are conservative judges that want to deal with the qualified immunity, the cato institute. So we should be able to tackle this because the issue of accountable is so key to any vision of what reform might look like. Stephen speaking of reform, some people are calling for defunding the police. I hear demilitarize the police, restructure the police, sometimes abolish the police. What does defunding the police mean, in your understanding, and do you think thats the right way to describe how the police can best be reformed . Yes, its been interesting to see this phrase defund the police makes many people very anxious and nervous stephen when you say defund the fire department, they think fires are just going to burn. But thats not what it means. What it means is really we need now, this is our opportunity to do something long overdue which is to fundamentally reimagine what Public Safety looks like in this country, and what we have done is we have turned over to arme Law Enforcement officers the right to enter our communities to solve a set of Community Conflict that actually dont require an armed officer. Your child that suffers from Mental Illness is having some kind of crisis and you fear they are going to harm themselves. We call 911 and an armed Police Officer comes. A homeless person you havent been able to get services or move off your stoop, we call 911. Young people are playing outside andeth midnight, you told them to quiet down, they cussed you out and you called 911. All are circumstances where we can point to cases where police show up and someone ends up dead. What we should be investing in are youth counselors so youre not dialing 911. Maybe youre dialing seven one one when it involves a youth conflict resolution need. Maybe 511 for a Mental Health crisis, maybe 411 for a homeless persons crisis. Those are also part of the Public Safety apparatus, and rather than turn the entire Public Safety regime over to armed Law Enforcement officers, we need to look at that funding, reduce that funding and use it to support these other services. Police officers will tell you they dont want to be social workers, they get called upon to solve all kinds of problems theyre not trained to solve, and i think we agree. We have to make sure we support those who are trained to do those kinds of interactions that also contribute to Public Safety that they have the funding that they need. So i think the anxiety is kind of anxiety about the phrase, but actually not anxiety about the concept. We should be lookingt at budgets and how we have tried to solve some of our citys problems and our Public Safety issues, and we should recognize that this overreliance on police has given us the regime that we can see is not working. Stephen mrs. Ifill, thank you so much for being here. Anyone who wants to support the Legal Defense fund can go to naacpldf. Org. Then go to colbertlateshow. Com byop and get this great merch, the proceeds of which go to support several Racial Justice organizations in including the Legal Defense fund. Sherrilyn ifill, everybody well be right back with comedian Mike Birbiglia. Itchy . Scratchy . Family not getting clean . Get charmin ultra strong. It just cleans better, so your family can use less. Hello clean bottom enjoy the go with charmin. Uh, fifteen minutes could save you 15 ain . Or more on car insurance. I think were gonna swap over to over seventyfive years of savings and service. What, were just gonna swap over . Yep. Pump the breaks on this, swap it over to that. Pump the breaks, and, uh, swap over . Thats right. Instead of all this that ive already . Yeah. What are we gonna do with these . Keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. Stephen welcome back. He is a comedian, director, and actor you know from sleepwalk with me, dont think twice, and billions. His new book is the new one painfully true stories from a reluctant dad. Please welcome to a late show, Mike Birbiglia hey, mike, how are ya . Im good. Its a loaded question, how are you, these days. Its a 45minute answer. Stephen yeah. We dont have that much time. laughter but i know the feeling. Its so autonomic at this point, but, still, its not a fair question these days. It used to be a throwaway, which meant i dont care how youre doing. And, now, its were going to need to talk about some things is the answer, and, also, when people will answer with questions, theyll go, okay or, like, fine . And its a lot. How are yous a lot, is what im saying, stephen. Stephen mmhmm. So how are you . Eh. laughter stephen okay, you have been productive in quarantine. You started an Instagram Live show. Tip your wait staff in a podcast called work it out. What have you been trying to work it out. Tip your wait staff was to raise money for comic club workers, and that was on instagram. And i created a pod wast to try to work out because my tour got rescheduled for i mean, you still have your show running. My tour is rescheduled for a year from now. A year. And, so, what i decided is im going to work out material on a podcast with comedians. So ive had john mulaney and ray glass and Hannah Gadsby and all these people andly get notes. Stephen from them. From them, and its like opening up the process. Stephen wow. For a second, youre saying working it out. I thought for a minute, i wonder if hes going to work out . Because if you dont have to be on tour for a year, youd really shock a lot of people if you came out of quarantine the ripped birbiglia. Yeah, i think a lot of people would love to see a ripped birbiglia but i dont think its going to happen. Stephen shave your head, get headphones, get an mma. laughter a lot of states are reopening, maybe too soon. Yep. Stephen maybe some people have done the right things and, you know, its okay. Where do you stand on that . Are you nervous about that . Are you ready to do that . My quarantine buddies are my wife jen and our 5yearold daughter una. Stephen whom ive met. Youve met twice. Stephen zero and two. He was one and two. But my wife and i are both very cautious, but i would describe our levels of caution as, on a scale of one to ten, im a ten and she is a ten point three and theres a world of difference with that point three. I view myself as basically a walking as mat suit, and she looks at me like im one of those people in the ozarks, you know, playing chicken on each others shoulders and whatnot. But, yeah, were having a nice time. Its like anything, were limited in where we can go and what we can do, but we get to spend a ton of time together. So its like which is great, and shes five, which is an adorable age, you know. Stephen perfect. The book is all about sort of when she was born the pregnancy through when she was 13 months old, and that was really hard, and thats what the book is about, its a very dark, comedic book about how hard it is. But now shes at this age where everything is adorable. Like the other day i said, moms going to put you to bed, and she said, shes not your mom, shes my mom. And i said thats what my therapist keeps telling me, because all toddlers have a boston accent. They said im tiyed. Stephen she going to have fun on fathers day . Shes going to have pisa. Thats what we have in common, we both love pizza. Thats all i need for fathers day. Stephen well take a quick break and back with more Mike Birbiglia, everybody. So im gonna hold on promoting you this quarter. Cool . Drop the taco. Get in the car. Does this sentra feel like a compromise to you . Wait, what. . The handling is good, right . No compromise there. Nope watch this. Umm. Bbrie. Brie brie rear automatic braking. So if this Nissan Sentra isnt gonna compromise, why should you . Youre right atta girl. The allnew Nissan Sentra. With more standard safety features than any other car in its class. Add some resistance. Sara, your movie plus trial is about to expire. Do you want to continue or cancel . Capital one knows life doesnt update you about your credit card. So meet eno. The capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Another way capital one is watching out for your money when youre not. Whats in your wallet . We stick together, for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick together, we make the sunshine brighter, we make it all feel better, youre my, youre my, woo, yeah youre my family. yo youre my family. Something of a jaw dropping moment in the house today when the at the bait over Police Reform boiled over into a shouting match about race between democratic congressman Cedric Richmond of louisiana and republican congressman matt gates of florida. Are you suggesting that youre certain that none of us have nonwhite children . 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Because your strength is supported by ours. Its interesting what happens when you treat every little piece of a thing. Like its not just one thing. But everything. Because when each part does everything better than ever. Imagine what you can do with the sum of those parts. The new dell xps 10th gen intel bong nyquifor your worst cold andrful relieflu symptoms, on sunday night and every night. Nyquil severe. The nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, best sleep with a cold, medicine. Nissan is ready to help you with a bold, awardwinning lineup. Kick off summer. With no payments for 3 months. Plus, well cover your payments for up to 2 more months. Or get 0 financing on 13 models for up to 84 months. Shopathome at nissan usa dot com. Stephen hey, everybody, were back with comedian Mike Birbiglia. Well, the book, also, the new one, the book, is also has poems with your wife under the name j. Hope stein. Whats it like doing a book with your wife . Shes an extraordinary writer, and its a fascinating thing, writing with your wife because its like going to couples therapy except theres no therapist. Stephen whos the editor, ultimately, though . Is it your book and then shes got with poems by here . And youre, like, i need more rhymes. What, you too fancy for a limerick . Come on, its comedy. Its a he said she said, but its a he said she poetry. She has some editorial input on my comedy, but i do not have any editorial input on her poetry, and i all i can do is say that here to you, stephen. Thats all i have. Stephen her purple scales form a rainbow under operating lights. Doc removes a plastic bag from the fishs gut. Doc . Is yes, fish. How many hearts beat inside of me . Doc removes part of a rubber tire, then a syringe. Do you feel pregnant . All my life. Isnt that beautiful . Yes, that is a high bar for you to pass, i got to say, with jokes. And theres nothing i can do. I dont know about all my life at the end. Stephen i dont get it. I dont get it. Are we fish . I dont get it. Are we the fish . Is the baby the fish . Stephen well, the book is the new one. The man is Mike Birbiglia, everybody. Mike, thanks for being here. Stephen, its an honor. I always love coming on the show. Stephen so nice talking to you. Nice talking to you, too. Stephen well be right back, stephen thats it for a late show, everybody. Have a great weekend. Stick around for james corden, hes next. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show