coughing i just dropped my pen, sorry. I will now take questions about gs being perfectly fine. Yes, kaitlyn. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, the white house goes viral. Plus, stephen welcomes jake tapper. And musical guest tame impala. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert does that make a difference . Stephen it does. You have to hit yourself in the face twice, hard enough to regret having done it. laughter welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Like you, im tired of this quarantine. Weve been home now for 9. 5 weeks, and not once has Mickey Rourke blindfolded me and spooned cherries into my mouth. Im going to ask him to move out of the guest room. But social distancing is the right thing to do. Hotspots are popping up all over the place minnesota, tennessee, nebraska. Theres even an outbreak of the coronavirus inside the white house. Mr. President , the virus is calling from inside the house get out of there seriously, get out of there. Youre doing a terrible job. Last week, we learned that one of the president s valets had been diagnosed. Then on friday, we found out that katie miller, the spokeswoman for Vice President mike pence, tested positive. This is super serious. Katie miller has attended nearly all of the White House CoronavirusTask Force Meetings in the situation room. Which theyve now temporarily rechristened the incubation room. Plus, three of the most high profile members of the Coronavirus Task force, including anthony fauci, will be in selfquarantine for two weeks. No dr. Fauci, we need you. If youre not around, all the Health Decisions are going to be made by jared kushner, the mypillow guy, and william barr in a sexy nurse costume. Some white house officials are getting worried, like economic adviser to the president and former child actor trying to sell you a timeshare, kevin hasset. On sunday, hassett said this on cbs nation face. It is scary to go to work. You know, i i was not part of the white house in march. I think that id be a lot safer if i was sitting at home than i would be going to the west wing. Stephen really . You work in the most tested place in the world and youre scared . Ive got a spooky story for you youre driving on the highway late at night, when suddenly, a hideous old man rises up in your back seat and says, you should go back to your job at the meat packing plant. Donny want burger. Upon learning that miller was infected, trump said this about tests so, she tested positive, out of the blue. This is why the whole concept of tests arent necessarily great. The tests are perfect, but something can happen between a test, where its good, and then something happens, and all of a sudden she was tested very recently and tested negative. And then today, i guess, for some reason, she tested positive. Stephen in the history of dumb things said by donald trump and there will one day be a library filled with them that might be the dumbest thing hes ever said, putting it in the running for the dumbest thing ever said by man. She was tested and didnt have it; then she got it, and then the test showed that she had it. Does trump think tests are good only if they tell you news you want to hear . My girlfriend takes a pregnancy test, it says shes not pregnant, we had sex a bunch, then, for some reason, all of a sudden, the test says shes having a baby. Thats why these tests arent so great. The tests should really start wearing a condom. Trump is upset about the outbreak at the white house. According to officials, he was annoyed to learn that ms. Miller tested positive. Yeah, he was really annoyed. As soon as he found out, he sent her an irritable arrangement. Trump is reportedly also worried that aides contracting coronavirus would undercut his message that the outbreak is waning and states should begin reopening. Can you imagine that attitude from a fire chief . Hey, knock off the screaming. You being on fire is really undercutting my message that youre not on fire. So, stop, drop and shut up. What are you going doing back here . laughter here. Youre doing a great job. Youre doing a great job. Youre just so thank you. Im really grateful. Just try to keep it down while youre rustling him. Please. No, were not going back. This is it. This is in. Trump is obsessed that this virus is going to cost him the election. Aides describe him as glum and shellshocked by his declining popularity. Glum and shellshocked, by the way, also the name of Lindsay Graham and Mitch Mcconnells emo band. But to win the public back, trumps got a thirsty new catch phrase were going into transition. And i call it transition to greatness. Its going to be transition to greatness because were going to do something very fast, and were going to have a phenomenal year next year. So were looking at the transition to greatness. Stephen im sure he means it to be comforting, but transition to greatness really sounds like something a cult leader says right before the end soon, my flock, comes the appointed hour when we shave our heads, don our purple nikes, anh s the come a recent poll, joe biden held a 10point advantage over trump among voters who are 65 and older. Huh. So, old people arent inspired by trumps message of to appease the wrathful gods of wall street, i will build a pyramid of your ancient bones. This afternoon, trump had a briefing in the rose garden and he got going with his classic lies. As far as americans getting a test, they should all be able to get a test right now. They should all be able to get a test. If someone wants to be tested right now, theyll be able to be tested. Stephen okay, thats not true. Theres no widespread testing. In fact, it seems like the only way to get a test is to play in the n. B. A. , be a white house staffer or be a sick tiger in the bronx zoo. So if they want a test, they need to sink a doublepointer or eat a raw gazelle. There seems to be a double standard here, mr. President , where members of your staff can get tests frequently when they need it, but ordinary americans cannot. So when will the rest of america have the same access that members of your white house have to testing . You know what . If we didnt get the tests, if we did no tests in the white house, you would be up complaining, why arent you getting tests for the white house . See, we cant win, because we didnt you would be up i understand you very well, better than you understand yourself. Stephen because i am more you than you are you, and believe me, as you, im so mad at me about the way i am treating youme. Trump spent the weekend tweeting about how obama committed the biggest political crime in history. So one reporter asked the obvious question. What crime exactly are you accusing president obama of committing, and do you believe the Justice Department should prosecute him . Obamagate. Its been going on for a long time, and its been going on from before i even got elected and its a disgrace that it happened. Some terrible things happened, and it should never be allowed to happen in our country again. What is the crime exactly that youre accusing him of . You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to everybody. All you have to do is read the newspapers except yours. Stephen it was a horrible crime. Everybody knows the crime committed against me. You dont have a clue. But if you look at the clues, it was mr. Black in the conservatory with the lead pipe to mr. Mustard stain. I have two questions no, its okay, well go over here. But you pointed to me. I have two questions, mr. President. Next. Next, please. You called on me. I did, and you didnt respond. Now im calling on the young lady in the back. I just wanted to let my colleague finish, but can i ask you a question, please . Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you very much. Stephen wow, just gone. Though, no surprise hes leaving, because i called on you and now im calling the young lady in the back is how he told all his wives he was getting divorced. This weekend we got a blast from the past former president and man who has forgotten how to do a mic drop, barack obama. Obamas been very restrained when it comes to criticizing his successor, but in private, evidently obama is pretty harsh. And we know that because in a leaked web call, heres how obama characterized the trump administrations Pandemic Response its been an absolute chaotic disaster. Stephen please tell me youre not surprised. Absolute chaotic disaster is what it now says on the money. Obama also addressed the Justice Department dropping charges against Michael Flynn even though flynn pled guilty twice to lying to the f. B. I. There is no precedent that anybody can find for someone whos been charged with perjury just getting off scotfree. Thats the kind of stuff where you you begin to get worried that basic not just institutional norms, but our basic understanding of rule of law, is is at risk. So i am hoping that all of you feel the same sense of urgency that i do. Stephen waking up how long was i out . Do i have a beard . Thats how slowly obama talks when he feels a sense of urgency which explains the failure of the barack obama brand smoke alarm. Beep. Uh. Beep. Look. Uh. Fire. Stephen not all this administrations bad ideas have to do with the pandemic, some of it has to do with old bad ideas. Even though it adds half a billion to the cost, trump is pushing to have his border wall painted black. If its black, trump can blame it for his problems. I want to see the longform wall certificate. I heard it was built in kenya. Trump has a good sinister reason to paint the wall black. In recent meetings, hes been insisting that the dark color will enhance the walls forbidding appearance. Sure, it may deter the mexicans, but youre just going to attract the goths. But its not just appearance. Trump hopes that painting it black will result in the hot sun making the steel too hot to touch during summer months. So, it should work perfectly, as long as immigrants dont discover night. Trumps plan is based on personal experience. He joked that the idea was inspired by an incident at one of his golf clubs, when his group of golfing partners went to order their hot dogs, and the black granite countertop momentarily burned their arms when they touched it. You can read all about it in trumps memoir, everything i need to know, i learned from watching my friends eat hot dogs on a golf course. Hey, remember the space force . Well, it took another step forward last week when it released its very first recruitment video. Some people look to the stars and ask what if . Our job is to have an answer. We have to imagine what would be imagined, plan for whats possible while its still impossible. Stephen plan for whats possible while its still impossible. It has a nice sense of wonder about it. Unlike the administrations current slogan dont plan for the inevitable while its already happening. The other line people are talking about is the videos big finish. Maybe you werent put here just to ask the questions. Maybe you were put here to be the answer. Maybe your purpose on this planet. Isnt on this planet. Stephen was this video written by a couple of freshmen getting baked in their dorm . as stoner dude, maybe your purpose on this planet isnt on this planet. And maybe the weed. Is smoking us. Even before they dropped the video, space force said recruitment was going great. Heres secretary of the air force barbara barrett. Recruitment hasnt been a problem. If people find out that theres a possibility of joining the space force, there seems to be an avalanche of applicants. Stephen yes, theres just something about this administration that inspires people to flee the planet. Weve got a show for you tonight. Ill be talking to our dear friend, jake tapper, so stick around for some tappin good morning more treatment . Were going to try Something Different today. Hi awwww, so pretty. Dogs bring out the good in us. Pedigree® brings out the good in them. Original crown molding, walk in closets. We do have a ratt problem. Round and round with love well find a way, just give it time. At least geico makes bundling our home and Car Insurance easy. It does help us save. Round and round with love well find a way, just give it time. Round and round what comes around, goes around. For bundling made easy, go to geico. 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We made improvements to peoples lives. We strove to be better and we made people happy. This closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldnt take the wynn and encore out of us. And now, we are proud to welcome you back. Stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show. Before we go on, lets check in with our friend jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon hey stephen i like your mood lighting. Yeah. You know, i had to get a vibe going. Stephen house of your mothers day . Jon you know, it was good, but, um, i found out about the young man who was, um, murdered jogging, ahmaud arbery. It was heartbreaking. Stephen it was heartbreaking to know that video existed for months without any action being taken. And its that the people had to take action to get authorities to take action. Jon yeah, thats the part about it that is really troubling to me, because who knows how many times that has happened and someone may have gotten away with it. So we just have to really really hold ourselves to a higher standard. Stephen thank you, jon. Joining me now is the anchor of the lead and state of the union on cnn. Please welcome jake tapper hello, jake hey, stephen. How are ya . Stephen oh, just fantastic. How are you . laughter its great. Its great. I love never leaving my house. I love going back to the little house on the prairie kind of experience when it comes to raising our kids. Stephen mmhmm. Sometimes ill go into town and go to the feed store. Ma and pa and i. Or we order from the Sears Roebuck catalog. Stephen that can get pretty spicy, the lingerie section can get pretty racy in the sears, roebuck catalog. Jake keeps saying on your show were running out of words to describe this era. What words are left . None we can say on network television. Though youve tried. Stephen youre on cable. You can do what you want. I try to keep the joint somewhat classy. I mean, its just bizarre. Its its in a way, dystopian, in a way i mean, literally, President Trump, today, came out to talk about how the United States is ready to reopen, and he i mean, they cant even keep the pandemic out of the white house, literally. Two officials tested positive there, three Top Health Officials are selfisolating, doctors fauci, redfield and hahn of the c. D. C. And f. D. A. Dr. Fauci you know, of course. Its not funny. Its dark. But, i mean, its almost as if sometimes the president doesnt understand that we can see and hear whats going on. I mean, he said today that they had achieved this greatness with testing, and then somebody said and one of the reporters said that, you know, youre doing surveillance testing and Contact Tracing at the white house, which is great, when will the American People have access to that same kind of testing . Which is a question i have been asking for weeks. And the president just turned it into a grievance, oh, if we didnt have good testing, then you would be attacking me for not having good testing. Again, no answer to the question. No answer to the question. Stephen do you think theres any reason to believe that its only those three people in the white house . Because, so far, its been trumps valet, its been spokeswoman for mike pence, and, i believe, ivanka trumps assistant has been tested positive. But why wouldnt it be more people than that . Why wouldnt they tell us the truth . Well, thats one. This is a white house that established its affinity for truth early on with crowd sizes at the inauguration. But beyond that, looking at the serious medical condition of this and the situation in terms of how incredibly easily spread this virus is, its very possible that more people have it in the white house and, you know, look, i dont say that lightly. I dont wish this on anyone at all anywhere. But, i mean, i asked sanjay gupta that today on my show. I said, what are the odds its only these two people . And i think ivankas assistant was in a different area, i dont think she was at the white house, but these two were at the white house. And sanjay said its very likely there are others who have been infected and, in fact, just today, the white house sent out a memo to staffers that said they had to wear masks when they entered the property, which is odd, too, because the c. D. C. Told the rest of us a month ago that we needed to wear masks. So i dont know, although there is this idea that President Trump might think that people who wear masks are displaying weakness or something. Thats been suggested about why people dont do it at the white house. But its very disconcerting, and i am at a loss for words quite often, covering this. Stephen youve talked onair to a white house aide to ask the president to talk to him about invoking the defense production act for the manufacturing of tests, among other things, and asked members to have the g. O. P. To talk to the president , take the science seriously. Is that the role of journalists now to encourage people close to the president to take action, or take certain aspects about the research of this seriously . Do you feel like thats your role . Its a good question, because, obviously, you know, i dont feel comfortable advocating for policies when it comes to taxes or energy or, you know, involvement in foreign wars. You know, thats not my job. But i do think that there is something to be said about the fact that, when you are a conduit of information, as i am, and you talk to Health Experts and they say, this is what we need to be doing you know, surveillance testing, which is testing a few people so as to infer what the spread of the virus is within a population. You dont have to test, for instance, all 330 million americans, but you can test a representative sample in different parts of the country and get an idea, as long as youre testing enough people, thats surveillance testing. And then theres Contact Tracing somebody tests positive and you do some detective work to figure out who that person has been in touch with. This is what experts say is needed. This is what experts are doing at the white house. To say, im hearing from governors and from Health Experts we need to be do thiswhare weot d ttion is just a question of the reason we dont have enough swabs, the reason we dont have enough reagents, which hold the samples after somebodys been tested, the reason we dont have enough lab equipment, is because were in a free market economy and there are you know, companies arent going to manufacture reagents out of the goodness of their heart. Most of them arent, anyway. So the United States needs to the government needs to force them, and governors dont have the power to invoke the defense production act, only the president does. They have invoked it a few times for a few things ventilators, and i think there was one swab manufacturer, i think in maine, where the d. P. A. Was invoked. But generally speaking, were not doing it. So i have said to the white house aide kevin hassett, the white house senior advisor, you know, im hearing from governors this, this is what they need, and i did say on air one time and this is after President Trump had mused publicly about the wisdom of injecting disinfectant into the human body i said that Republican Leaders need to take action because things are getting dangerous. President trump has said things that made things more dangerous for people. Just empirically, just as a fact. Downplaying this virus in all of february and half of march. It wasnt just him. There were others. Mayor de blasio, governor cuomo. Plenty of people were doing it. But doing that gave a false sense of security to a lot of people, and who knows what that meant ultimately. Stephen jake, we have to take a break. Stick around, back with more jake tapper. Not even our competitors best battery can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Deveness with altate wont raise your rates just because of an accident. Cut is that good . No you were talking about allstate and. I just. When i. Accident forgiveness from allstate. Click or call for a quote today. Ok, so, magnificent mile for me i thought i was managing. My moderate to severe Crohns Disease. Yes until i realized something was missing. Me. You ok, sis . My symptoms kept me from being there for my sisters. Flight boarding for flight 2007 to chicago. So i talked to my doctor and learned. 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The handling is good, right . No compromise there. Nope watch this. Umm. Bbrie. Brie brie rear automatic braking. So if this Nissan Sentra isnt gonna compromise, why should you . Youre right atta girl. The allnew Nissan Sentra. With more standard safety features than any other car in its class. Stephen hey, everybody. Were here with cnns jake tapper, broadcasting from television, apparently. Really looks like hes on tv. Jake, now, while were focusing on covid 19, why is it important, at the same time, to Pay Attention to things like what happened to Michael Flynn . Well, because, i mean, President Trump continues to disrupt the judicial system in a way that a lot of experts find not just normshattering but just against the very principle of independent justice. I mean, the idea that President Trump has now intervened twice, directly, with the prosecution of Michael Flynn, who, of course, admitted that he lied, and before that, of course, with the sentencing of roger stone, i mean, we dont see that sort of thing happen, and those are norms. One thing ive learned from covering washington for so long is, when one party erodes a norm, when the next party comes into power, they continue restore it, they take advantage to have the fact that that norm has been eroded and now they can take advantage of it. Stephen president s dont give power back. No nobodys going to become president and say, you know what, nows the time to return power to the legislative branch. Thats not how it works. Because everybody, of course, every president thinks theyre acting in the best interest of the country and for righteousness and good and everything like that. So when you see President Trump doing this for friends of his like Michael Flynn or roger stone, what does that portend when, i dont know, Michael Moore becomes president in 15 years . I mean, like, maybe thats a bad example. Sean penn. I dont know. Stephen he is going to make a scathing documentary about himself. Michael moore is going to tear himself a new one about the failures of the Michael Moore administration. Let me ask you about where you are now. You look like youre shooting at cnn and but youre at home, right . Im not at cnn. Im in a spare room in my house. The cnn engineers set this up early on. My dads a doctor, my moms a nurse, so i took this very seriously early on. You know, i just didnt think it was necessary for me to be going in every day if they could make it look reasonable professional from the spare room we have. So i come here stephen no, looks like youre in the studio. Yeah. I mean, they have lights here and an underlight, and its pretty good. Sometimes my kids are production assistants, sometimes my wife. Sometimes the dogs burst into the room, but its okay. And, look stephen me, too. Twice on tonights show, my dog came in. Is that right . Yeah, but thats charming when you do it. For me, people is, like, why is there a dog barking in this piece about shanghai . Stephen thats awesome. Look, weve had incidents of coronavirus at the cnn new york studio. I dont know if it was in the studio, but, obviously, chris cuomo and others have recovered from it. No one at cnn has gotten it as far as i know. But, look, this thing kills people. Early on, a good friend of mine who is twice as strong, five times as handsome and 30 times more fit got this and was battling it a guy i knew, a veteran, served in afghanistan, probably ten years younger than me, hes one of these you know these guys, you meet these veterans and theyre superheroes. Anyway, he had it, and he was in his basement and he was miserable and he could barely breathe. Im like, if this is taking out my friend matt like this and, thank god, hes recovered, too whats going to happen to me if i come anywhere near this . Stephen we have to take one more break. Please stay right there at cnn. Well be right back. Itchy . Squirmy . Scratchy . Family not getting clean . Get charmin ultra strong. Got get em it just cleans better, with a washclothlike texture your family can use less while still getting clean. Goodbye itchy squirm. Hello clean bottom we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin. Is now more important than ever. At sprint, we understand saving money for your family thats why were offering our best unlimited deal. Switch and get four lines of unlimited for just 100 a month. Thats right four lines, for 100 bucks if thats not enough, to really amp this up, were including four amazing iphone 11s, on us, when you trade in iphone 6ss or newer, in any condition. And now, sprint customers enjoy access to expanded coverage on the tmobile network. 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Any size soft drinks are just a dollar at mcdonalds. Stephen hey, everybody. Were back here with jake tapper, host of the the lead and state of the union. You had a film that was supposed to open at south by southwest, which didnt happen. Whats happening with the film now . Its coming out on july 3. Its going to be in theaters on july 3rd. Im making the announcement now for the first time. If theaters are open and safe, they can see it there. If not, they want to stay home, they could watch it, you know, with itunes or amazon, any video on demand service, and they could watch it, and i have to say, like, they did a really good job. The director and the cast, you mentioned scott eastwood, orlando bloom, landry jones, they did an amazing job. It is very immersive, very intense, and ive seen it now a couple of times, and its really powerful. Stephen did you go see the shooting on location . I did, and they shot it. So millennium films makes this, and they usually make these huge blockbusters like the expendables or london has fallen. They shoot out of bulgaria. It took a while, but i convinced my wife for us to go, and we took our kids, and we flew to bulgaria, and they had re created the entire outpost, which i never not to visit because, by the time i heard about the major battle that took place there in 2009, the u. S. Had abandoned the base and bombed it, so i never saw it, even when i went to afghanistan twice to research the book. I got close to it, i got to the closest base, but it was still about 10 or 15 miles away. So they recreated the whole thing in bulgaria and it was unbelievable because this had been a major focus of my lifes work for years but, of course, i never got to see it. Three of the guys who worked on the movie served at combat outpost keating. They are all in the movie, and a couple of them served as technical directors as well, technical advisors. And they all said it was surreal and weird, but it also helped them with a sense of closure to visit this recreation of it. But rod leery did an amazing job. He just throws you into the outpost, which as you know, stephen, because youve known about this for a long time, and the story, was at the bottom of three steep mountains, 14 miles from the pakistan border, is not the kind of place anyone should ever set up a base, and when you watch the movie, it really feels like youre experiencing the battle, and the actors do a great job. So, i was worried about it because you know, its a true story, right . Its a true story. And we had a special screening in october right around the time of the tenth anniversary of the actual major battle there, and we invited the studio and others, we invited gold star families, so people who had lost somebody at combat outpost keating, and some of the veterans who had served there, and we showed them the movie. I was so nervous because i knew how i felt about it, but you have no idea how somebodys going to take seeing an experience they actually lived recreated, or seeing somebody portraying their fallen son or husband, not only playing that person but then dying on film. So, afterwards, i sheepishly went over to each one of them and said, how do you think it was . Do you think we honored your service, or do you think we honored your sons service or husbands service . And it was one of the most meaningful nights of my life because every single one of them said yes, and i hope more people who see this, including others who are part of the family but werent there that night, all feel that way. I feel it honors them by telling this story, that remains fairly obscure, even though one of the most decorated units in afghanistan and two of the survivors went on to be awarded medals of honor. People still dont know the story is that and people can see it starting july 3, either in theaters or streaming. Stephen jake, thank you so much for being here. Take care of yourself and your family and your dogs, and thanks so much for being out there telling us whats happening and reminding our Public Officials to follow the science. And thank you for making us laugh. I cant tell you how much it and watch you trying to make sense of it all and try to make us laugh and entertained. Great, by the way. Stephen i totally agree. A little less of you, more of her. Its like making a good martini. Stephen 100 . 100 , yeah. Just throw up my picture every so often, will be fine. Jake tapper, the host of the lead with jake tapper on cnn. Thanks, my friend. Wearing powerful sunscreen . Yes. Neutrogena® ultra sheer. Clinicallyproven helioplex provides superior uva uvb protection to help prevent early skin aging and skin cancer all with a clean, light feel for superior protection. Its the one. 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I was happy just listening no intention to be mentioning we started talkin bout the future bout the notion i was motioning im just so terrified to face her like, any moment i might wake up cause shes the only thing i think of i told my mother that i love her she just said, is it true . Is it true . Tell me now thats a promise i cant make and i wont validate was i being immature . I dont know, i dont care now im sleeping in my room here i am, back again shes in my. I said, well see well see ah, well see well see ah, well see well see well see, well see, well see see how it goes until we know what the future holds ah, well see ah, well see ah, well see well see, well see, well see stephen thank you, tame impala well be right back