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These loosely assembled dog chews will make you drool. There will be so much boneonbone action, you will need an Orthopedic Surgeon to sort things out. You havent seen anything like this since your last xxxray. And if youre into mature ladies, check out lucy, shes 3 million years old, and most of the pieces are still there. So, this halloween, come on down to the bone zone and witness the hottest bone action since youve made a hardy broth. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, dressed for success. Plus stephen welcomes Julie Andrews and musical guest sam smith with a special appearance by amy walter, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hello welcome to a late show, im your host Stephen Colbert. Im the luck just man on television. Julie andrews is with us tonight. The president ial election is only five days away. To remember this, i wrote it down. But it looks like everyones remembering this year because early turnout is at record levels and according to oddsmakers, the 2020 election is the most beton event in history. That, i dont understand. Are the stakes not high enough already, that youve got to bet on it, too . Thats like your skydiving instructor saying as instructor before we jump, anyone want to place a bet on whether the chute opens . Ten bucks, lets make it interesting. Now, covid19 is the Biggest Issue in this election, next to daddy issues. And covid cases are exploding all over the country, which brings us to tonights installment of our possiblyrunningtil2022 segment, catch a third wave endless bummer. Let me wash over you oh, oh, sick aaahhh get out, get out currently, cases are rising in more than 40 states, and when it comes to the west and midwest, the Coronavirus Task force warns of unrelenting, Broad Community spread. Also the theme of Trumps Campaign rallies. As the Campaign Draws to a close, trump and biden are pushing opposing pandemic strategies. Biden is pushing viral containment, while trump is pushing your grandma into traffic. The differences are evident in their stump speeches. Heres biden yesterday in the swing state of wilmington, delaware even if i win, it is going to take a lot of hard work to end this pandemic. I am not running on a false promise of being able to end this pandemic by flipping a switch. Stephen hes right. Were not going to end this pandemic by flipping a switch. Were going to do it by pulling a lever. And then flipping the bird. Meanwhile, trumps platform consists of nothing but false promises a safe vaccine is coming very quickly. Youre going to have it momentarily. Stephen momentarily. Thats what they tell you when its going to be a long time, but they dont want you to walk out of the olive garden. In fact, when you call the c. D. C. , you get this message thank you for calling the c. D. C. , your lungs are important to us. Please remain locked in your house and the vaccine will be with you in the order in which you were diseased. Stephen trump assured his supporters the pandemic is almost over were rounding the turn regardless. Normal life will fully resume. Thats what we want, right . Normal life. We just want a normal life, like we had seven months ago. Stephen yeah, i miss those prepandemic days of waking up to find out what country he had blackmailed, which porn star he had paid off, and which hurricane he was threatening to nuke. You know, normal. Trump thinks that the way forward is to achieve something called herd immunity, a terrible idea where the majority of the population catches the disease, millions die, but those who survive will be able to walk among us safely, as trump demonstrated with fellow superspreader, rand paul thank you. Heres to immunity to immune people laughs laughter stephen yes, the immune people. Super douches who dont care if you live or die. Theyre the echh men thank you madd magazine. Strangely, trumps blatant disregard for human life seems to be hurting him with the key demographic of humans. The latest abc News Washington post p. F. Changs great wall of chocolate poll shows that biden is leading trump by 17 points in wisconsin. 17 . Trump doesnt know whether to be worried about that lead, or start dating it. groove is in the heart he wishes you well ghislaine stephen its not just wisconsin. Trump is playing catchup in lots of states he won in 2016. Even though trump won it four years ago, biden holds a 4844 lead in arizona. But its a dry lead. Anyway, yesterday, trump held a rally in the copper state, which i am being told arizona is, and he railed against the author of the 2018 anonymous New York Times oped, saying trump was out of control, who we found out yesterday was some guy. He wrote a phony book, which if you heard about anonymous, it was like somebody that was right next to me. I thought it might have been hope hicks, who is right there. I thought it might have been jared. I thought it might have been mike lee. I was worried about the great state of utah. I was extremely worried about rand paul. Maybe it was rand. Stephen thats a weird unforced error. as trump now that the mysterys solved, i want to make it abundantly clear i dont trust my soninlaw, or any of these people around me. They all know things that, if they spilled their guts, id be gone in a minute. Its a nest of highly knowledgable vipers. And i am just so thankful none of them has a conscience or i would be in real trouble. Trump wasnt alone. He also brought some special guests, like minority leader, kevin mccarthy, who fantasized about taking back the house i want you to watch nancy pelosi hand me that gavel, and i promise you this, i wont bang her with it, but ill bang the end to the socialism. Stephen kevin, no one wants to hear who or what youre going to bang, okay . We also dont want to hear about you licking communism, or how medicare for all is going down. Its coronavirus, okay . Stay home and bang your own gavel. With the zoom off. Trump also welcomed up arizona senator martha mcsally. They have a tricky relationship. Because trump isnt too popular in arizona, shes been hesitant to fully endorse him. Lets see if he noticed martha mcsally. Martha. cheers great. Great, martha, great. Martha, come up. Just fast. Quick, quick. Fast. Fast, come on, quick. You got one minute. One minute, martha. They dont want to hear this martha, come on, lets go. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Stephen that is rude but also kind of refreshing. Usually, its the woman whos telling trump to hurry up and get it over with. Trump really has a lot of territory to defend, because joe biden is making a late stage play for texas. as biden thats right, were goin for it, jack everythings bigger in texas remember the alamo. Also, remember where i put my glasses never mind, theyre in front of my eyes. Always the last place you look. Come on give me some of that big toast, huh . Joe could get texas that would be so unexpected, but so great like if Bradley Cooper and lady gaga became a real couple. We all wanted it so bad they almost kissed at the oscars they couldve danced to shallow at their own wedding come on, im off the deep end that deep end line got added after i left the room. I like it but that came as a surprise. But if biden doesnt snag texas, the electoral map could come down to pennsylvania, which is why trump is making a huge effort there to get out the vote. Im sorry, i misread that. Uh, throw out the vote. Because, trailing in the polls in pennsylvania, Trumps Campaign is trying to make voting harder. And its already hard enough there. In some parts of pennsylvania, theres nosetotail buggy traffic before you even get to the voting barn. Which you have to raise trumps team is trying to stop the state from counting absentee and mailin votes, presenting garbage evidence of voter fraud like this. During the democratic primary, a man named adam goodman posted this photo on instagram, in which he proudly held up two mailin ballots outside a drop box. Ahhah . Uhuh. Because one of those belonged to his husband, standing out of frame. Nevertheless, he soon found that the picture had been included in litigation the Trump Campaign filed against philadelphia. Thats right. The Trump Campaign is scanning instagram to try to shut down voting. as lawyer your honor, as you can see in exhibit a, just before halloween, the defendants dog put on a clever astronaut disguise, obviously in order to vote illegally from dogspace. Feeling anxious about tuesdays upcoming election . As i am . Well, youre not alone. According to a recent study, nearly 70 of u. S. Adults say the president ial election is a significant source of stress. Its okay. Just take deep cleansing breaths to forget about this election and start focusing on how much coronavirus you just inhaled. And democrats arent the only ones worried. According to one Mental Health expert, although the specific concerns do differ based on political leaning, the feelings that are coming up dont. Which is why theres suddenly a groundswell of support for third party ticket, prozacambien 2020 make america what were we talking about again . Thats whats going on up here in the old squirrel cage. Oh, wait. What am i reading . Who are you . Why am i not in the theater . Whats going on . Two researchers have developed a measure called the political stress indicator, which is actually higher now than it was before the civil war. Matter of fact, were so close to a civil war that ken burns is already making the documentary my dearest martha, how i miss you. I have spent seven long months in marinarastained sweatpants, unable to leave my house. Im passing the hours worrying about undecided voters in Central Florida and doomscrolling on twitter. Send nudes, eggplant emoji, peach emoji. Stephen but if youre feeling hopeless, there might be another way to perk up. Experts say that it may be more productive to focus on action, shifting the question from should i hope . To what can i do . What you can do is vote. And if you want to find out how, whether its handing in your absentee ballot, in person at this point, please, or voting early, or voting in person on election day, visit our website betterknowaballot. Com, where you can find out how to vote in your state. Do it quick. You only have five days left. Weve got a great show for you tonight, Julie Andrews is here. But when we come back, biden leads in the polls. What does that mean . Stick around. Never run dry of killer attitude. Good moves. Or hydration. Neutrogena® hydro boost. The number 1 hyaluronic acid moisturizer instantly delivers 2 times the hydration. And keeps hydrating all day long. Running dry of supple, bouncy skin. Never hydro boost. Pair with new serum for 4 times the hydrating power. Neutrogena® you make my heart sing wild thing i. Think i. You know what i think . I think you owe us 48. 50. Wild thing. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. Step up. Prep up. Up. 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Or you can vote safely inperson during early voting or on election day. Vote the way youre most comfortable but vote by 8pm on november 3rd. Stephen hello, friends and neighbors. Welcome back. Quick reminder, everybody next tuesday we will be live over on showtime, for what were calling Stephen Colberts Election Night 2020 special democracys last stand Building Back America Great again better 2020. As i was saying back in the monologue, the president s message of a covid in every pot is not polling great, and things are looking pretty good for joe biden. Currently, 538s election projection says the chances of biden winning the election are 89 , and only 11 for donald trump; and the economist has biden at 96 . So, thats great. Im happy . Funny, this feels so familiar. Multiple outlets do predict a clinton win. We have the New York Times putting that chance at 88 . Donald trump is not going to be president of the united states. I continue to believe mr. Tump trump will not be president. Pokemon go to the polls. Stephen ugh what happened . Is the election over yet . Snap out of it, colbert. Dont believe in the polls. You promised yourself after the last election, you would not pokemon go down that road again. And im not alone with the preelection yips. All over the country, democrats are refusing to allow themselves any smidgen of optimism, saying they trust no one. The paranoia is so bad i cant even pick a mouthwash i dont care what four out of five dentists recommend whats that fifth one know that i dont . Experts say that we need hope for the future to help ward off this anxiety, however, some americans say theyre too afraid to hope. This is likely a protective mechanism in response to the 2016 election. It feels like were all charlie brown, going to kick the football, but we know at the last second, lucys going to give us coronavirus. So can we trust the polls . Or are we trapped in an unknowable universe of chaos . Here to either calm me down or stoke my anxiety, please Welcome National editor of the Cook Political Report and polling expert, amy walter. Amy, thank you so much for being here. Well thanks for having me. Stephen now the 2016 ptsd is real. It is. Stephen remind all of us what went wrong, in retrospect . What went wrong with those polling probability predictions, whatever you want to call them, and how thats all fixed now. Right. So i dont know that i can tell you that everythings fixed and better because polling in and of itself isnt per feck, right. We all know that theres error. Stephen the famous margin of error. The famous margin of error, that is true and is going all the way back to the 70s. You know, the 538 folks went back and they looked at this election and compared it to previous elections, and the average error at the national and state polls was pretty much in line with errors weve seen in previous elections. The difference, and you pointed to it, stephen, was the those, you know, prediction model also that gave these numbers, like 88 or 72 or 67, or whatever the different numbers are. Stephen or right now at 538s got it 89 out of 100 for biden, 11, the economists, 94 or 96 or Something Like that. I dont think the problem is their probabilities, i think the problem is the way that we as people try to work with probabilities. Were not always that good about it. Its why gambling works really well and people lose a lot of money because we tend to focus on that big number, right. Thrls an 80 chance theres an 80 chance i could win all of this, great, but theres also a 20 chance that youre going to lose. So i think we spent most of 2016 focused on the 80 or whatever number that was that said hurricane was going to win, and that said Hillary Clinton was going to win, an now were spending all the time on the 20 chance that trump will win. We have to find balance there with the models. Stephen why shouldnt we look at that . Because by looking at the bigger number, we all got burned. Even trump got burned helpful didnt think he was going to win. What about the shy, silent trump voters we hear so much about that are there, pollsters cant find them but they come out of the woods and vote at the last minute . So do you believe polls have a hard time capturing all the people who are going to go out and vote, all kinds of people, especially those people who dont traditionally come out and vote . Yes. Are there shy voters, poll terrace who are ashamed to say they will vote for donald trump but they hang up and lie and say they are going to vote for joe biden . No. If you drive through the country and see all the lawn science, they arent shy about donald trump, they are very proud to tell you that they are voting for them. Its that they may not end up in a poll because they dont tend to be the kinds of folks who are picking up the phone to talk to pollsters or to answer mail surveys or to answer, you know, an internet survey. So theyre harder to find, but so are other low propence pi voters like Younger Voters or Younger Voters of color. So as we have a turnout that were expected to have thats going to go through the roof, all kinds of people are going to show up this year that may not have voted in the last election. Stephen what polls or what data out there do you trust most to indicate what may happen on tuesday and beyond . Yeah, so i think its keeping a range of things is really important. Never pick out just one poll. Look at averages, dont cherry pick. But the other thing is i look at a president s job Approval Rating. This is so different from 2016. He is not a candidate, donald trump is now the president , and we know that Approval Ratings, the way that people feel about the job the president s doing have been pretty predictive in the past for how many votes that candidate, that president will get in reelection or the margin will be in the reelection. So few go back and look at where previous president s were going into their first term ereelection, their final job Approval Rating was really close to the final vote share that they got. And this is where donald trump has a huge challenge ahead of him. Right now, if you look at that 538 average, his job Approval Rating on average is somewhere around 43 , and the percent of the vote hes getting right now in that 538 average is around 43, 44 . Stephen okay. O those two things line up. And it makes some sense, right, that if you like the job that the president is doing, youre probably going to vote for the president. If you dont like the job the president is doing you will probably vote for the other person. Stephen last question maybe. Whats going to happen . You cant do that to me. Stephen yes, i can. People call me all the time. People called me today who should know better and say, okay, youve got to know something, whats happening . I said, i just watch tv, i dont know whats happening. But you, amy, youve got to know something. We watch so many things. Well, we do, we know everything, we just cant tell you, its part of our contract, were not allowed to tell you all of that. Stephen on Election Night do we need the know who won that night . Of course not. Theres no stephen the president and Brett Kavanaugh says we do. Well, theres nothing in the constitution that says we need to have the answer to who won. In fact, every single state election official will tell you, were going to do all that we can to make sure we have an accurate count, but theres nothing that tells us we have to have it done on Election Night. Election night is a creation of all of us who work in the political news business, but its not necessarily what needs to happen. Actually, legally, it doesnt need to happen. Stephen okay, good. Thats good to know. Well, amy, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for telling me whats going to happen when we get off the air. National editor of the Cook Political Report, amy walter everybody well be right back with Julie Andrews. Up at 2 00am again . Tonight, try pure zzzs all night. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. We knew that this was really, really bad. We had ample forewarning. But we did almost no testing, almost no contact tracing. Completely ignored the science, completely ignored the warning signs. There were things that could have been done. A lot of people have died needlessly, and theres nothing more frustrating than feeling like youre fighting against someone who should have your back. We are not going to stamp this out unless we have a change of leadership. Ff pac is responsible for the content of this ad. Is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. The stronger, lastslonger visibly fades the dark spots away. New neutrogena® rapid tone repair 20 percent pure vitamin c. A serum so powerful dark spots dont stand a chance. See what i mean . Neutrogena® smooth driving pays off with allstate, the safer you drive the more you save you never been in better hands allstate click or call for a quote today you never been in better hands allstate woman after covid, my hours got so we cant pay our bills. And now our Family Budget is gonna be hit hard with prop 15. The yes on 15 ads say it only raises taxes on big corporations. Thats not true were all going to pay. 11 billion in new property taxes will get passed on to Small Businesses and farms. Theyll raise prices. Higher gas, health care, food. Even day care. We cant make ends meet now. Families cant afford 15. No on prop 15. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Somewhere in my youth or childhood, i must have done something good, because here i am, standing here saying my next guest is Julie Andrews julie, so lovely to see you again. Thanks for being here. Hello, stephen. Very nice to be here, too. Stephen you have been very busy new podcast, new netflix series. How are you adapting to working from home . Well, its very very convenient. First of all, how lucky i am to be working at this time on projects that we can do and working from home has been quite fun because i tried for the podcasts particularly which were thrilled about, tried to make the first few from our wonderful, local studio here on the island, but eventually everything got shut down. So my wonderful grandson whos an engineering whiz and into everything, film, cameras, television, built me a sound room in my closet. Stephen i think this might be it. Thats it stephen thats it right there. Julies sound booth, yes. Its filled with pillows, as you can see, blankets, padding on the walls and towels behind it, and its quite hot in there. But then my daughter emma, with whom i work, she has one in her house down the road, so that both of us go into our closets, and its been rather fun and silly. Stephen one of your if not your first, was Eliza Doolittle our first broadway role or one of your first. No, the first was a show that came from england and we were a brandnew company that brought it over called the boyfriend, a 1920s sort of little pesti che of the times, a silly story but very sweet and then my fair lady and then camelot. Stephen this story might be available in the book now available in paperback, homework, a memoir of hollywood years, and you learned how to basically break down and approach a character by doing Eliza Doolittle. How did that come about . That wasnt necessarily smething that came naturally to you. Well, i mean, no. First of all, the musical part of the show i could pretty much manage vocally, but stephen we noticed. Thank you. But, honestly, that was a huge role. I mean, it was everything from screaming as eliza and the accent and growing and learning about good diction and language and so on and huge songs. So i also had no idea how to do George Bernard shaw, as you would say here in america, and i really was horrible when we first began rehearsals. And i know our leading man Rich Harrison was not at all happy with me or my performance, and a wonderful director who was the great man said were going to spend a weekend together, and were going to break down the whole script and everything. So we went into the theater, and he he pleaded, cajoled and showed me and by the end of the weekend, i had it at least 50 . I thought i was going to be sent home at first, but, of course, over the years, and i did do it for a very long time, over the years, i was able to reel learn ththe ins and outs. Alex who wrote my fair lady said its good to do a long run in one piece rather than a lot of repertoire in many pieces. You know how to know the laughs and pull the audience in and no matter what the weather is you know what to do and its a wonderful learning exercise to keep it fresh and do it every night, and i did it altogether for about, believe it or not, about three and a half years between america and england. Stephen eight shows a week, im guessing. You bet. Stephen oh, my gosh. It took its toll. Stephen yes. But what a beginning experience. I mean, whos luckier than i to have that to begin with. Stephen i want to talk about the transition from theater to film, for that matter anything thats captured on even video, is that not that ive had your career, but i started off in live theater, and if you have a good show, you could i would run something for over a year, and then where was that, stephen . Stephen that was in chicago. That was in chicago. Okay. Stephen i did straight theater and i was a member of the second city for many years there. Of course, i didnt realize that. Stephen then when i would work in television you world work just as hard to get the script right and just shoot it once. Far less time and far bigger audience and its so crazy. Stephen it is. What did it feel like the first time they said its right, yo ls move on, after you dove into the character for years . I think the pleasant thing about filmmaking is its shot in tiny segments, and you dont start at the beginning and go all the way to the end as you would, obviously, in a show, so you have time to work it in, but its all out of sequence. The other thing is that, on stage, you are all the time in full theater, but, of course, in film you could be a waist shot, a closeup on the giant cinema scope screen or something, and theres a lot of new things to learn, and i had some wonderful mentors helping me, as i began the film. Stephen i understand the very first i understand from the book that your very first line you ever had to say on film made you tremendously nervous and was a very simple line in mary poppins. It was so simple that i couldnt think of how to do it and dick van dyke, my parner on that particular shot, said Something Like, you look very pretty today mary poppins, and all i had to do was walk past him and say, oh, do you really think so . Anught, open your mout, julie, just say it. I do really think so. Anyway. Stephen lets see how you feebly landed it. Mary poppins, you look beautiful do you really think so . Cross me heart you do. Like the day i met ya. Stephen you nailed it, kid, youre a natural madame, we have to take a quick break, but well be right back. Ladies and gentlemen, with more Julie Andrews. Chances are you have some questions right now here are a couple answers. Lysol disinfectant spray and disinfecting wipes together can be used on over 100 surfaces. And kill up to 99. 9 of viruses and bacteria. Unfortunately, we cant answer every question you have right now. Lysol. What it takes to protect. I never said it but. dramatic crying whoa did svenrod just die . Yeah can you do it again . Sure, sure i always loved you. Oh man. Missed it again. Alexa, rewind 10 seconds. In california, were the only state where wealthy trust fund heirs get their own tax loophole. These tax cheats avoid millions in taxes on vacation homes and coastal mansions depriving our schools. Prop 19 closes this unfair loophole thats been exploited by an elite few and helps our schools, firefighters, and seniors. Vote yes on prop 19. Tell them [record scratch] the partys over. Stephen hey, everybody. Were back with the author of home work, Julie Andrews. Now, in addition to being a celebrated actor and the author of, once again, this book, home work a memoir of my hollywood years, youve written more than 20 books over the years, including childrens stories and childrens novels, and even some poetry. What role has poetry played in your life . Because i love it. I find it incredibly soothing an energizing. Youve done fun things with poetry, too. I know you love it because when i have been on with you before, weve played at poetry in a way. Stephen yes. But it is so beautiful, and its so much the essence is ate willle bit like the lyrics in songs, and its so clear and pure, and i do love it. Im pretty simplistic, i suppos, but, you know, i work with my daughter emma, and 90 of the books that weve done together including this one that youre showing is was helped eenormously by her, and she was the one that made me write it and coauthored it with me and guided me along. Couldnt have done it without her, and i dont think or i dont want to write with anybody else but her because we finish each others sentences and we laugh a lot and have a good time. But shes the nuts and bolts of our little company, and im sort of those silly flights of fancy and the good openings and the ends of the chapter and that kind of thing. Stephen the last time we were together we did the kings breakfast, and this time i thought we could do something original for each other and i suggested perhaps we could write limb risk for each other. Right. Stephen i wonder whether you were able to prepare one for our audience tonight . I was able to try, and i dont know how much of a good limerick it is, but i did write one for you, too. Stephen i have one, too. Ladies first . I dont mind. No, ill go last. Stephen okay. Ive got one. This is a limerick inspired by Julie Andrews. Jules is what it is. Stephen dame jules, all right. Youre a legend of stage and screen, you were even made came by the queen. Today were on zoom but well be in the same room when were done with this damn quarantine. Perfect perfect laughter you were hard to write for, stephen, and you damn near gave the whole thing away earlier in this show, but heres mine to you. With apologies to the great limerick writer in the ski. Sky. A late night tv host name colbert dressed from the waist up with boldnary, wha bold f, what the camera wont show is the view from below and its rather a sight to behold there. laughter stephen that is the spirit of limericks, a little scandalous. A lot of them as you well know are scandalous and can be very, very funny. Stephen i Teach Sunday School jules. Did you think that was risque . Stephen i think a speaking french of naughtiness. It was simply referring to your socks. Stephen thank you. The book home work is now available in paperback. Dame Julie Andrews, everybody well be right back with a performance by sam smith. Thank you, jules. Hear whats never been heard. Feel whats never been felt. We are all explorers, and there are new worlds to explore. My hygienist cleans with a round head, so does my oralb. My hygienist personalizes my cleaning, so does my oralb. My hygienist uses just the right pressure, and so does my oralb. Oralb combines a dentistinspired brush head with the gentle energy of microvibrations for the wow of a professional clean feel every day. My mouth says wow and so does my oralb. [son] mom yeah. [son] i fell. Okay theres bandages in the cabinet. [son] im bleeding. Grab two. Sheba. What cats want. Blackdeals gone in a flash. That was black friday then. This. Is black friday now. Target has deals all november. With new deals each week, instore and on target. Com. Its black friday now, at target. Natures bounty is here for you. Ready to take your immune support to the next level . The number one herbal supplement brand has everything you need to help keep your immune system strong. Immune support comes naturally with natures bounty. Another stop that might have been completely adult rated over the 18 months, and some could say that you were acting like Christopher Steele wow, whats that . The guidebook says he was a well respected mayor but now he pedals lies and snorts enhancement mails in case a reporter gets flirty. Why did you bring anum bra. Because he goes on tv and that was so much spin make sure you wash your hand, this is a very diseased man. We might have to amputate your hand, honestly. This changes your molecular structure. Your life is different now. Dont touch anything, dont talk to anyone. Like you might have to live on a hill. Ry is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. Laso you can enjoy it even ifst, youre sensitive. Se. Ger yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Depend. Come on lets hide in the attic. No. In the basement. Why cant we just get in the running car . Are you crazy . Lets hide behind the chainsaws. Smart. Yeah. Ok. If youre in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. Its what you do. This was a good idea. Shhhh. Im being quiet. Youre breathing on me if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Lets go to the cemetery vicks vapopatch. Easy to wear with soothing vicks vapors for her, for you, for the whole family. Trusted soothing vapors, from vicks woman after covid, my hours got so we cant pay our bills. And now our Family Budget is gonna be hit hard with prop 15. The yes on 15 ads say it only raises taxes on big corporations. Thats not true were all going to pay. 11 billion in new property taxes will get passed on to Small Businesses and farms. Theyll raise prices. Higher gas, health care, food. Even day care. We cant make ends meet now. Families cant afford 15. No on prop 15. Stephen and now performing diamonds from their forthcoming album love goes, please welcome sam smith. Have it all rip our memories off the wall all the special things i bought they mean nothing to me anymore but to you they were everything we were they meant more than every word now i know just what you love me for, mmm take all the money you want from me hope you become what you want to be show me how little you care how little you care how little you care you dream of glitter and gold my hearts already been sold show you how little i care how little i care how little i care my diamonds leave with you youre never gonna hear my heart break never gonna move in dark ways baby, youre so cruel my diamonds leave with you material love wont fool me when youre not here i cant breathe think i always knew my diamonds leave with you diamonds, diamonds diamonds, diamonds shake it off shake the fear of feeling lost always me that pays the cost i should never trust so easily you lied to me lielied to me then left with my heart round your chest take all the money you want from me hope you become what you want to be show me how little you care how little you care how little you care you dream of glitter and gold my hearts already been sold show you how little i care how little i care how little i care my diamonds leave with you youre never gonna hear my heart break never gonna move in dark ways baby, youre so cruel my diamonds leave with you material love wont fool me when youre not here i cant breathe think i always knew my diamonds leave with you diamonds, diamonds diamonds, diamonds woahoh woahoh always knew my diamonds leave with you woahoh woahoh always knew youre never gonna hear my heart break never gonna move in dark ways baby, youre so cruel my diamonds leave with you material love wont fool me when youre not here i cant breathe think i always knew my diamonds leave with you oh youre never gonna hear my heart break never gonna move in dark ways baby, youre so cruel my diamonds leave with you material love wont fool me when youre not here i cant breathe think i always knew my diamonds leave with you diamonds, diamonds diamonds, diamonds woahoh woahoh always knew my diamonds leave with you woahoh woahoh always knew my diamonds leave with you stephen sam smith, everybody. Check out another song from them, as well as other great performances in our playathome series, online at colbertlateshow. Com. Well be right back. Stephen thats it for a late show. Tune in tomorrow for a rare friday show, when my guest will be Neil Degrasse tyson, with a surprise appearance by jon stewart. Please remember to be surprised. James corden is next, but first, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show

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