Wrong. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight down for the count. Plus, stephen welcomes Shepard Smith. And musical guests leon bridges and lucky daye. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen welcome, ladies and gentlemen to a late show. It is 11 35 east coast time, and cbs is ready to project that i am your host, Stephen Colbert. Though theres a good chance donald trump is going to challenge that in court. And 24 hours later, we still dont know the winner of the president ial election. I win i win i win stephen get out of here go more on that later. As you can see, i am still on the election set, because the elections still going on. As we knew it would. We planned to keep this set up for days, because, covid. Its going to take a while to count all the votes and its all coming down to a few states where theyre still counting votes in north carolina, georgia, nevada, and pennsylvania a hybrid mix of the sun belt and the rust belt that im calling the does anyone have a xanax belt. But there is some big news. Today, we got a call on one of the swing states, wisconsin, a state trump beat Hillary Clinton in by a mere 22,000 votes back in 2016. Oh, my, how times have changed, because we can now confirm, joe biden has won wisconsin. Woooo the cheeseheads are now officially bluecheeseheads. So they smell weird but taste great crumbled on a salad, maybe with a poached pear, a little candied walnut. Based on the current count, biden is ahead by over 20,000 votes, or one wyoming. Thats really got to sting, because trump has continued to make such a deal about winning wisconsin back in 2016. Remember when they say, donald trump has won the state of wisconsin . Was that a great evening, or what . Donald trump has won the state of wisconsin. Out of the blue comes donald trump has won the state of wisconsin. cheers and applause remember that . They said, donald trump has won the state of wisconsin. That was a very pretty sound. And that was it. That was it. You were the one. You got us over the top. You better do it again. Stephen and, just like that wisconsin is gone, just like a candle in the wind, or a chicken nugget, in your general vicinity. Trump put a lot of effort into this state. Back in october, he appeared at a rally in green bay with quarterback brett favre. Sadly, it wasnt the first time favre had let fans down by being caught on camera with his dictator out. You can google it, but i wouldnt. Trumps mishandling of the virus may have played a large part in bidens win, because recently, wisconsin has become a covid19 hotspot. But with this win, democrats across the country can breathe a little easier except for the ones in wisconsin because, again, its a covid19 hotspot. And then this afternoon, the great state of michigan was called for joe biden. Now, if you think about michigan as a hand, biden took away votes from trump in these areas, okay. And finally what . Huh . Lets say he flipped the state. With things trending in his favor, joe biden came out this afternoon and was a grownup every vote must be counted. No one is going to take our democracy away from us, not now, not ever. America has come too far. America has fought too many battles. America has endured too much to ever let that happen. We, the people, will not be silenced. We, the people, will not be bullied. We, the people, will not surrender. Stephen yes we, the people, will not surrender we, the people, will just doomscroll on twitter until we freak out and stress eat all our kids halloween candy i know theres more three musketeers, john after all that good news for biden, in a move that just reeks of desperation and cheap cologne, with a million votes still uncounted, Trumps Campaign manager came out of the blue to announce, we are declaring a victory in pennsylvania. Bold and i fully expect his victory in pennsylvania to be just as successful as his victory over coronavirus. Gosh, i hope his announcement doesnt overshadow me declaring myself people magazines sexiest man alive. laughter i sensed a power vacuum. In the sexy sphere. Im coming for you, mcconaughey. One reason for the delay in the other states is the massive amounts of mailin ballots. And those last ballots to be counted appear to be largely for biden. Early on, things had looked pretty good for trump. We had been warned this would happen, in what experts called a red mirage which is either the character Elizabeth Olsen plays in the marvel movies, or putins code name for trump. Now, i know its hard to wait for nevada and pennsylvania results, but just 24 hours of waiting has given biden arizona and wisconsin. And michigan. So, ive just got one bit of advice just play it cool, boy. Whats fonzie like . Cool. What . Cool. Correctomundo. Attempt to be cool. All right, everyone, chill. Stephen thats bipartisan advice. That last guys a republican. Thank you, doctor. If covid has taught us nothing, its that patience is valuable. Remember when the pandemic started, a trip to the Grocery Store would last eight hours because you had to wipe down every single grape before you put them in the refrigerator . This is the same thing. Were wiping down every single ballot before we put them in americas fridge. And, hopefully, while were at it, well end up throwing out that spoiled ham we bought four years ago. So waiting is clearly the right thing to do. Of course, one person who always fails the marshmallow test is donald trump, because last night at 12 45 a. M. , with millions of ballots uncounted and biden ahead in the Electoral College and the popular vote, trump tweeted, we are winning big, but they are trying to steal the election. We will never let them do it. Votes cannot be cast after the poles are closed first of all, youre literally not winning. Second, i really dont think you mean that spelling of poles. as trump i hate it when the poles close. All the dancers leave the stage, and youre left alone, totally broke, covered in glitter and spittle. God, i miss those girls, especially my favorite stripper of them all red mirage laughter so, thats not good. But, you know, tweet schmeet. Its not like right after midnight he marched into the east room and declared victory and said stop counting. He waited until 2 00 a. M. For that. We were getting ready to win this election. Frankly, we did win this election. Stephen there it is a power grab by a terrified strongman in the dead of night. Classic. If theres anything 2 00 a. M. Is known for, its desperate moves by sad little men who are afraid to go home feeling like a loser. Now, the minute he opened what i legally have to call his mouth, everyone knew this behavior was wrong and unamerican. And not just democrats. Trump was condemned by folks like chris wallace, rick santorum, and Chris Christie. These people are hardly liberals. For petes sake, Chris Christie has stood by you through thick and thin. In fact, he stood so close by you that you nearly killed him with covid then, ol tater dick put the dick in tator, when he threatened to end the vote count. So we will be going to the u. S. Supreme court. We want all voting to stop. We dont want them to find any ballots at 4 00 in the morning and add them to the list, okay . applause stephen first of all, i dont know why i need to say this to the president of the United States, but theyre not finding them. Theyre counting them. If you recite the numbers one through ten, you dont find the number seven you count to it, pass it, then keep counting, and realize that oh, yeah, biden clearly won wisconsin. Plus, the president of the United States cant ask for voting to stop. Hes only the president because of voting. Voting is americas whole thing. Thats like arbys changing their slogan to we must stop the meats laughter they really they really must, by the way. There are limits. laughter there are limits to even americas meat needs. I beg you, arbies. Dont make us take you up before the hague. After going full frontal fascist, trump went full whiny baby. We were getting ready for a big celebration. We were winning everything, and all of a sudden, it was just called off. Literally, we were just all set to get outside and just celebrate something that was so beautiful, so good. Stephen so beautiful, so good . Well, you were celebrating the otters who hold hands while they sleep . laughter because id vote for that. You might think all that was just the act of a tweakedout maniac coming off his dexy, until this afternoon, when he put his mussolini where his mouth is, and his Campaign Said it would sue to stop michigan and pennsylvanias ballot counts. So if youre keeping track, trump is now trying to obstruct the count in. Im sorry, im being told the Trump Campaign is suing to stop us counting the number of states they are suing to stop the count in. Okay, and that this is i have nothing in my ear. This is just my hand. Okay. I have something here, but i took it out, because chris is trying to control me luke a puppet. laughter its a long story behind it. Lets earn it. By the way, evy is here. Evy is here, everybody. There you go. Thats why im in a good mood tonight. No other reason. Heres some other results i can tell you. As usual, the state that got us into this mess was florida. Every four years, democrats hope theyll take it. But once again, last night, florida was called for donald trump. Florida is oficially americas cheating boyfriend. Why do we always think we can change him . Democrats also had high hopes for flipping texas, which would have been quite a feat. Texas hasnt gone for the democrat since jimmy carter back in 1976. And they didnt even really want to vote for him, but they had to after he ate that 72ounce steak. Thats the rules. Well, last night, texas remained texas, because it was called for donald trump. Even after he bungled the coronavirus. Texas may remember the alamo but, apparently, they have forgotten the 230,000. Wyoming was a bit of a shocker for anybody who has never been to wyoming. For the rest of us, we saw it coming when it went donald trump. Makes sense, given that the state symbol is literally a man who has totally lost control of the situation and hanging on for dear life. Speaking of big electoral wins rhode island isnt one of them. But, nevertheless, Vice President biden has won the state of rhode island, just narrowly beating out the states thirdparty candidate calamari marinara. Social distancing at the polls was particularly difficult in rhode island, because if you stand six feet away from the next guy, youre in connecticut. Biden has made some i like that joke. I are recently been to rhode island. Its a lovely state. Hello, rhode island. Biden has made some inroads in the upper midwest, because minnesota has gone for joe biden. Thats right princes home state wants to party like its 1999, or any other year with a democratic president. And in the middle of the night, we got results from americas most islandy state sorry, rhode island hawaii. As expected, hawaii has gone for joe biden. The Trump Campaign is expected to contest the results, claiming most of those votes were actually cast in kenya. And thats exciting because and you probably dont know this because he never talks about it joe biden is actually friends with one very famous hawaiian, who shall remain barack obama. But were still not sure who will take control of the senate, but we do know some results. For example, in my home state of south carolina, the surprisingly tight senate race has been called for lindsey graham. And graham gave a moving victory speech in which he thanked the president. Hes a racebaiting, xenophobic, religious bigot. You know how you make America Great again . Tell donald trump to go to hell. Stephen so beautiful. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Shep smith is here. Yeah, that shep smith. But when we return, Ballot Initiatives tempted . Stick around. Br 25 of your mouth. Listerine® cleans virtually 100 . Helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath. Never settle for 25 . Always go for 100. Bring out the bold™ we love our new home. Theres so much space. We have a guestroom now. But, we have aunts. Youre slouching again, ted. Expired, expired. Expired. Thanks, aunt bonnie. Its a lot of house. I hope you can keep it clean. At least geico makes bundling our home and Car Insurance easy. Which helps us save a lot of money oh, teddy. Did you get my friend request . Uh, ill have to check. doorbell ringing aunt jonis here for bundling made easy, go to geico. Com. Hello . Oh, oh, announcer ® onceweekly ozempic® is helping for bundling made easy, go to geico. Com. Many people with type 2 diabetes like emily lower their blood sugar. A majority of adults who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. Heres your a1c. Oh my a1c is under 7 announcer and you may lose weight. Adults who took ozempic® lost on average up to 12 pounds. 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Common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. Some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. Onceweekly ozempic® is helping me reach my blood sugar goal. Oh, oh, oh, ozempic® you may pay as little as 25 for a 1month or 3month prescription. Ask your Health Care Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. Now roomba vacuums exactly where you need it. Alexa, tell roomba to vacuum in front of the couch. And offers personalized cleaning suggestions for a clean unique to you and your home. Roomba and the irobot home app. Only from irobot. Roomba and the irobot home app. Bubbles at this price . Is this for real . Oh, its real. Believe me. I mean this is upexpected. You would say. Remarkable . Absolutly. A remarkable deal. Thanks. I get that all the time. Wait. What . grocrey outlet jingle stephen welcome back, everybody. Lets say hello to our friend, mr. Jon batiste. Jon, how are you doing . Jon hello, hello. Stephen how are you feeling tonight . Jon man, its like walking on a tightrope. Stephen were getting dangerously close. Dangerously close to hope. Jon yes, like oooh i hope theres a net down there. laughter its a lot, man. Its so much. Stephen well, i just i just hope we can be back together soon. Listening to you guys play makes meantime to hear you more. Jon you know, music is a beautiful thing, and the last four years that have led to this moment have been a pleasure to do with you. So thank you so much for stephen oh, its been a pleasure doing it with you. You have been you have been a great source of energy and positivity on this show, and your beautiful band, your beautiful music, has made every day better, you know. Good, free, fine with me. laughter jon yes, thats right i love that stephen stay free. Im going to miss you at thanksgiving this year, im afraid, my friend. Jon yeah. Stephen well catch you next year. Jon understandably. We will get together again. I believe it. Stephen jon, could you give us a little music for the moment . Jon oh, yeah, yes. Stephen falling leaves. Jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. Jon thank you, stephen. Stephen friends and neighbors, last night wasnt just about the fate of democracy. It was also about getting high, because voters across the nation, americans of all stripes voted yes on the proposition you guys party . First, the Recreational Marijuana was legalized by new jersey voters. So we might finally get an answer to the question what if Chris Christie got the munchies . In washington, d. C. , voters passed a measure to decriminalize the use of magic mushrooms. Now that is wait a second, are we sure d. C. Didnt decriminalize mushrooms four years ago, and this has all been a bad trip . Because that would explain a lot, like why trumps commerce secretary is a mummified count chocula. laughter out west, theyre taking it a step further, because oregon has become the first state to decriminalize hard drugs like cocaine and heroin. This has upset a lot of people, but on the plus side, it will bring millions of jobs in the tiny sandwich bag industry. Its not just drugs. There were other promising ballot measures last night. Mississippi approved a new design for its state flag, which had been the last one in the country to feature a symbol of the confederacy. Now, i was hesitant to celebrate this until i knew what theyre changing it to, because i would not put it past mississippi to give that Confederate Flag its own Confederate Flag. Fortunately, they did not do that. Their new flag has their state flower, the magnolia, and the phrase in god we trust, which narrowly beat out mississippis other motto, you say our name when youre counting. But its not all good news. California voters voted yes on something called proposition 22, a ballot measure funded by Companies Like uber, which lets them deny their workers healthcare, unemployment insurance, and other benefits. Sure, in the middle of a pandemic, i think we all want to be stuck in a car with someone who cant afford to go to the doctor. As the election has reminded us, our country is painfully divided right now. But some courageous souls are still pushing for Common Ground specifically, the gap, which this morning debuted a new blue and red hooded sweatshirt, using the tagline, the one thing we know is that together, we can move forward. Not now, the gap read the room stick to what youre good at being a place to kill time before your movie starts at the mall. Gap got some backlash for this tweet, and i understand it. Nothing good happens when you try to force together two opposing sides. We here at the late show learned that the hard way, when our laboratory tried to genetically combine the two parties mascots kill me. laughter stephen hes fine. Stephen well be right back with chief general news anchor for cnbc, shep smith. Stick around. Taking my treatm. Nucala is a oncemonthly addon injection for severe eosinophilic asthma. Not for sudden breathing problems. Allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Infections that can cause shingles have occurred. Dont stop steroids unless told by your doctor. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. May cause headache, injection site reactions, back pain, and fatigue. Ask your doctor about nucala at home. Find your nunormal with nucala. When panhe doesnt justs aboummake a pizza. Me. He uses fresh, clean ingredients to make a masterpiece. Taste our delicious new flatbread pizzas today. Panera. teen mom. It happened again. vo add some thrill to your wish list. At the season of audi sales event. Get excpetional offers now. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to a late show. He is the chief general news anchor for cnbc and the host of the news with Shepard Smith. Please welcome to a late show Shepard Smith shep. Good to see you. Steve good to see you, too, thank you. Stephen you know, i want you to know, shep, and im not just blowing Secondhand Smoke up your ass, here. I tivo your show. Tivo . Stephen whatever. I dvr it. Im grandpa. You young kids with your new terms i dont understand. I did not realize how much i missed Shepard Smith until Shepard Smith was back, baby. Hey its nice to be back over on a different channel. I like it here. Stephen cnbc. First in business worldwide stephen its the first name in shark tanks. We have a slew of tanks filled with sharks over there. You have to do something. You were on the air last night until how late . About 4 00 eastern. Stephen have you bathed since then . Uh, spit shined, a little spongy thing. Stephen sure. Theres no time. You gotta do the news. Stephen a little water on the back of the neck, a couple of rose pedals, ready to go. Boom. Stephen last night was not the night that the democrats were necessarily hoping for. There was a lot of hope for another blue wave, even Something Like the blue wave in 2018. But the delay in the reporting itself, like, not knowing everything yet, thats not abnormal, right . Were in a no stephen its a perfectly normal situation, especially normal for covid. Well, it is, but its normalnormal, normal. You vote and then you count. Its just in the past we didnt take that much attention to the fact that in some places it takes longer. Stephen tell me that again, you vote. And then counting. Stephen i thought it was vote, declare who won, and then stop counting. Thats the covid new. Stephen what surprised you about last night . Anything . What were you paying most attention to . I wasnt paying that much attention to the polls except, you know, we talked to a lot of people on the right and on the left before to kind of get ready to prepare for whats going to go on. And they they had their own polling and they know their things. And, really, both sides were saying this may be an earlier night than we thought. But, you know, you prepare for everything and hope it goes short, but it didnt. It went long, and were a nation divided, not new information. Stephen what about the polls . Like, i i think that some people were surprised that there wasnt a broader sweep by the democrats, based on what the polls were. Is it time just to hold pollsters down in the bath tub until the bubbles stop coming up . laughter should we just not have any polling anymore . Because some people were taken by surprise by this. People im not going to say anybody i know was checking five30eight, two minutes sitting right here with me. You dont know, sheppard, but my wife is sitting here. Do you want to say hi. Hi nice to see you. Nice to see you. Stephen there you go. Whats polling worth, shep, for the news people . Not for campaigns, but for news people. Well, we can find out what people are most interested in through the polling. And then we can cover those things and try to give them more clarity, more information, more breadth and depth of reporting. The part about when we cover who it is theyre into, thats a horse race and i feel thats more for us than anybody else. It doesnt serve any useful purpose in the end. The issues are important to know know. How theyre feeling every minute is probably just our own selfindulgence. We ought to just skip it. Stephen speaking of what we should focus on and what we shouldnt focus on, one of the things i like about watching the news with Shepard Smith week nights on cnbc. Thank you. Stephen it feels like the news. Like, i really feel like im just getting sort of i dont want to say basic facts because you go indepth on certain stories. But it feels like comfort food in that i dont feel like im being sold when i watch your news. What do you think whats your mandate, selfimposed, for how you want to do the news . Its our whole its our whole team, and it really comes throughout the company. We want to find the facts, present the news without the pundits, and give it some depth and breadth in areas where were focusing, and make sure that we dont talk down to people, and remember that theres more happening besides whatevers coming out of the white house and the people who love it or hate it. You know, there are important issues all over the country. Theres covid. Theres racial injustice. Theres social tension. Theres the haves and have thenotes, income disparity. And then there is climate which is eventually going to make the Scientists Say all of this looks like a cakewalk. We have to do all of that. Were still young. Were a startup within an established company, but were rolling like a startup, and were just Getting Better every day. I feel like what journalists do is important, if we do it well. Stephen do you get along well with other people at cnbc. Because some of those guys look like real tools. No, theyre just really smart. Stephen really . They act like theyre really smart. People think im smart and i mostly just have a good memory. Joe kernans a good guy . I dont know joe. We work different hours. laughter but i think hes a good guy. Where did you go . I hear hes a great guy. Ive never come to a place stephen, for real where you come in and they treat you already like family. Its such a cliche thing. This is a big company but it rolls small. Everybody has each others back. Its not the old stab you in the back, look at the new guy coming in. Were excited and its because of the mission. Theres a place in life for just finding out whats happening and telling people about it because they dont care what you think. I know they dont care what i think. My whole family doesnt care what i think. laughter . Stephen i want to i want to ask you what think about one thing. I dont want to talk a lot about fox news but thats where, of course, where we all got to know you. What do you think youre an o. G. Fox news guy from 95 . 96. Stephen 96. Is the mission of fox news now as you see it the same as when you started . Do you recognize it as the one you started at . I certainly recognize the News Division where i worked. Jennifer griffin and john robert, they want to do the same thing that journalists i know everywhere want to do. They want to seek the truth, find the truthing, tell the truth, give it context and perspective. Thats what they want to do like everybody else. As for the rest of it, the whole media landscape has changed. Every company is different than when i first started. We operate on so many more platforms. But the mission ought to be the same, and ours at cnbc is the same. Its stick to the truth and tell it straight. And im really loving it. Stephen let me let me ask you Something Else about cnbc. Fox called arizona for biden early. Yup. Stephen i did not expect that from the hannity network. Can you talk me through what goes into a new yor network calg something . You get a divorce from some place and you have to keep talking about it . I will stephen well, we all we all still kind of find your exwife fascinating. laughter . Well, i know. Stephen dont get me wrong. She is a bitch, but thats kind of fun laughter tha i mean that decision desk, look back, theyve always theyve always been really good. Theyre good at what they do. Theyre aggressive. They run that thing kind of like a campaign operation. Theyre good at it. They called arizona first. Stephen it often looks like a campaign. Well. You know, thats your observation. Im over here now. Hi laughter stephen exactly. Its you and the tanks and the sharks. Youre great. Yeah. Stephen florida is a state you know well. How long did you live there, shep . My mom was there 35 years. I worked there for eight or nine. Stephen what does no one get about florida, shep . That its not one thing. Florida you know, the farther south you go in florida, the farther north of are, there are the northeasterner who live southeast. There are the people from atlanta and nashville and new orleans who live in the northwest and the people in jacksonville. Theres the ifour corridor. In some ways its like america its a lot of different people it is rolling a lot of different ways coast to coast to coast. Stephen it looks like the democrats are less likely to flip the senate. And republicans may have picked up a few seats in the house. Theres still a lot outstanding. Its hard to know at this point. Has, has we dont know who is going to be president yet. But if it is going to be joe biden, has trump, in your opinion, proven that you actually dont need a congress on your side to get things done . Because he has made such extended use of executive orders that i know obama and bush used them, too, but trump has raised it to a new art. Is the presidency, in your opinion, too powerful . I what ive seen is that everything about societal norms was not written down, and there was a way that politicians and leaders sort of followed and always had for over two centuries. And those norms started to break down and started to get exploited in some ways. Some of the population was really happy about that. And some of the population was really pissed. But it happened. And now we have to evaluate whether we want that to continue and whether as a society we want to tweak some of those rules and write a few more things down. Thats not for me to decide but i feel like its going to be part of the narrative Going Forward gli know you have to do your own broadcast in just a few minutes, give us an idea of what your story is going to be for the next couple of days. Anything in the news thats big right now . Well likely count, will count, well watch them count the votes. Well add up the covid numbers. Stephen okay. Well see if we can find anyone out there doing good stuff and inspiring. And well now know that youre watching. So maybe a Carol Burnett sort of a pull of the ear or something, if youre lucky. Stephen shep, good toy soo you you. Well be watching the news with Shepard Smith, on cnbc. It just says sheppard. Its very oprah. Stephen thats all it says, sheppard. When we come back, ill explain one reason our elections are such a mess. Stick around. Thanks, shep. Weve made a lot of breakfasts. And along the way, we noticed something was missing. A warm cinnamon roll for breakfast, or with breakfast. A fluffy blueberry muffin, from the drive thru youre already driving through. A glazed apple fritter, which might find its way into your coffee. These are options every breakfasthaver should have, and now. They do. Meet the new bakery sweets at mcdonalds ba da ba ba ba [sfx typing sound] [sfx typing sound] [sfx typing sound] my psorii had enough s pain . [sfx typing sound] its not getting in my way. Joint pain, swelling, tenderness. Much better. My psoriasis, clearer. Cosentyx works on all of this. Four years and counting. So watch out. I got this watch me. Real people with active Psoriatic Arthritis look and feel better with cosentyx. Cosentyx works fast for results that can last. It treats the multiple symptoms of Psoriatic Arthritis, like joint pain and tenderness, back pain, and helps stop further joint damage. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. 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Immune support comes naturally with natures bounty. Stephen so what are you doing after this . Oh, hey. Welcome back. This was an historic election in more ways than one. Today, we found out that joe biden has broken president Barack Obamas popular vote record set 12 years ago. Barack obama, or as im now calling him, the guy who knows joe biden. So its clear who got the most votes. We just dont know whos going to be president. Whys that, you ask . Well, liz, its because of the Electoral College. Whats the Electoral College, you ask . First, you need to stop asking so many questions of your television, liz. It makes you look crazy. And second, weve created a short filmstrip to explain. The Electoral College and you. Every four years, john and jane q. Public have the sacred duty to pick americas next president , but not so fast, jane. The founders were too wise to entrust something as important as democracy to the people, like you. Instead, they created the miracle of the Electoral College. Because if theres one thing everyone associates with college, its good decth te mire Electoral College, when you vote, youre actually voting for a slate of electors, appointed by your states leadership, who then vote for you while you just sit back and enjoy it. Ben franklin explained it this way i like to watch. There are 538 electors, one for every member of the house of representatives, and two for each states senators, no matter how small that state is, guaranteeing that the millions of people who live in los angeles carry less weight than ken, the only citizen of ken, north dakota. Hes worldly, he met an hispanic once. The district of columbia gets three electors, but u. S. Territories, like american samoa, guam, and puerto rico, get zero electors for reasons science has never discovered. Its a mystery, like ancient astronauts and the saswatch. Oh, also, the sascwawch gets a vote. The winner takes all the, lectors in every state, except maine and nebraska, because. No reason. None of this makes any sense. The stars blindly run. Sell all your possessions and live in a cave. There is no god. Where was i . Oh, yeah, thanks to the Electoral College, the candidate who got the most votes doesnt always win, giving us historys greatest president s, like john quincy adams, rutherford b haze, george w. Bush, and donald trump, a real whos who of who you didnt vote for. Thank you, Electoral College. But dont feel bad about your vote not mattering. Chances are your entire states vote doesnt matter because thanks to the Electoral College, candidates can ignore most of the states and focus on the ones that truly reflect everyday voters, like florida. Its full of average americans, like gator pete, and this 100yearold billionaire mouse that lives in a castle. Our elections focus on florida is why america has policies like the cuban embargo, and the ability to write off your jet ski as a home office space. So the next election you find yourself saying, how in the hell did this happen . Remember, its not hell. Its the Electoral College. Because theres no u in democracy. But there is a wyyyyy stephen well be right back with a performance by leon bridges and lucky daye. One up the power of liquid with tide pods ultra oxi. Oh, oh, announcer ® onceweekly ozempic® is helping many people with type 2 diabetes like emily lower their blood sugar. A majority of adults who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. Heres your a1c. Oh my a1c is under 7 announcer and you may lose weight. Adults who took ozempic® lost on average up to 12 pounds. I lost almost 12 pounds oh announcer for those also with known heart disease, ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as heart attack, stroke, or death. It lowers the risk. 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Oh, oh, oh, ozempic® you may pay as little as 25 for a 1month or 3month prescription. Ask your Health Care Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. Lets bring in nate silver. Nate, talk about the forecast you had coming into election night. So coming in, we had joe biden with an 89 chance of winning, trump with a 10 , 1 chance of a tie. In 2016 we had trump with with a 30 winning roughly. I dont control when the 30 happens, the 10 happens congratulations to mr. Nate silver, the mr. Wrong 2020. You will write a think piece about why you were actually right before the news media gives you another chance in 2024. Until then, thank you for making this night truly miserable. Oh, ooh oh yeah Christmas Glade limited Edition Holiday collection sc johnson vo command hooks are easy to apply and remove cleanly. Command. Do. No harm. G. I can file and manage myss claim, all on the geico app. Its not just easy. Its givingyourdog yourfitnesstracker easy. Oh, good boy. Yes, you got it woo already got my 40,000 steps today. Can i get a what what no pain, no gain haha. Its geico easy. With fast and convenient claims service. Look how fast im running good boy, chester. And along the way, we noticed wevsomething was missing. Asts. A warm cinnamon roll for breakfast, or with breakfast. A fluffy blueberry muffin, from the drive thru youre already driving through. A glazed apple fritter, which might find its way into your coffee. These are options every breakfasthaver should have, and now. They do. Meet the new bakery sweets at mcdonalds ba da ba ba ba how can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way xfinity mobiles fast nationwide 5g network meets the first iphone with 5g. Get the new iphone 12 on xfinity mobile. And right now get 250 off. Learn more at an xfinity store today. Stephen hey, welcome back to a late show. Performing their new single, all about you, leon bridges and lucky daye oh, yeah. I met you in atlanta sweet like purple fanta you know im a fan of you, baby but you lilililike, girl messin with my priiiide oh yeah its all about you it aint about me, oh no i got feelings too that you clearly cant see go and talk to em for a minute i met her in new orleans instantly you got me fallin and you know id do a crime for you, baby oh woah, oh but you lilililike messin with my priiiide oh yeah its all about you it aint about me aint about me, baby i got feelings too that you clearly cant see its all about you it aint about me oh, oh, honey i got feelings too too that you clearly cant see no, babe im in my head i think im goin crazy give you my all you do me wrong, baby im just gon say it i think its there, baby yeah, hmm but you lilililike messin with my priiiide its all about you it aint about me aint about me, baby i got feelings too oh, oh, ooh that you clearly cant see yeah its all about you its all about you, baby it aint about me aint about me if the lovin aint true then we should let it be stephen leon bridges and lucky daye, everybody well be right back. Bubbles at this price . Is this for real . Oh, its real. Believe me. I mean this is upexpected. You would say. Remarkable . Absolutly. A remarkable deal. Thanks. I get that all the time. Wait. What . grocrey outlet jingle stephen thats it for a late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be Larry Wilmore and laura benanti. James corden is, next, but first, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show