And fuhaul does a thorough job removing all the related garbage. So call fuhaul today. Remember our motto get em out of here announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight plus, stephen welcomes Matthew Mcconaughey and cedric the entertainer featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. Ill get right to it, bad news first. The president is actively working to undermine our democracy, usurp the will of the people, and hold onto power, in violation of our constitution. Good news he is really bad at it. The president is desperate to somehow throw out the votes for biden, but like Everything Else in his administration, its been a race between autocracy and incompetence. And with this crowd, incompetence is usain bolt, who makes it across the finish line, steps in a bucket, and gets his head stuck in a toilet. Ill tell you all about it the in coupnanigans in tonights edition of tune of three blind mice dead people vote dead people vote i saw them vote they are zombies they vote, and then they eat some brains they gave biden the state of maine it makes sense if you snort cocaine dead people vote the road from the white house. Stephen hes got a really lovely voice. Considering how hard hes working to keep the job, the president sure isnt doing much of it. For the 11th time since the election, his schedule today listed no public events. Maybe thats just how he observes quarantine he never leaves the house, unless he knows hes spreading the virus. Apparently, el president e has even canceled his plans to travel to maralago for thanksgiving, deciding to stay in washington instead. Smart move. The minute he steps out of there, you know theyre changing all the locks. But as much as he wants to deny reality, the potus who lost the voteus cant escape it. For instance, when he looks out his northfacing windows, he can see the reviewing stand for bidens inaugural parade being reerected on his front lawn. Its like watching your wife go out on a date with someone else on your front lawn, getting reerected. And this time, a lot of people are going to show up to watch. But the president is running out of time. One by one, the states are starting to certify the results, and that will be the end of his one term. And before that consummation devoutly to be wished, the republicans are throwing some pretty disgraceful hail marys. Take yesterday in michigan. The canvassing board of the states largest county, wayne county, which includes detroit, is half republican, half democrat, to make it nonpartisan. But last night, the two republicans refused to certify the results, and the board ended up deadlocked 22. Oh, what a todo to try today to deadlock 22, a thing distinctly hard to say but harder still to do. clears throat sorey, im all warmed up. Heres what happened. The two republicans claimed to be concerned that in detroit, there were minor discrepancies, in which the number of votes cast did not match the number of voters listed as having shown up to vote. This is something that happens everywhere. So its outrageous that the republican chair said she would be open to certifying the vote in communities other than detroit. Oh, hell, no you cant disenfranchise motown each one of those votes was signed, sealed, delivered. You cant turn our democratic process into a ball of confusion just to appease the tears of a clown. I could go on. Upohes telling me not to. Whatever the reason racism was the reason the president s team was thrilled, especially Campaign Legal adviser and woman telling you youll never leave this timeshare seminar alive, jenna ellis. She tweeted, breaking this evening, the county board of canvassers in wayne county, michigan, refused to certify the Election Results. If the state board follows suit, the republican state legislator will select the electors. Dont know if this is your first coup detat, but youre kind of giving away the game there, jenna. And as long as youre writing fascist fan fiction, why not just go for it then the tanks will roll through the streets, and we will arrest everyone with an i voted sticker and change the National Anthem to y. M. C. A. , but this time, the Village People is all cops. The president was also thrilled with the fall of democracy, tweeting, wow michigan just refused to certify the Election Results having courage is a beautiful thing. The u. S. A. Stands proud just one problem with the president s premature celebration the president tweeted those words at the exact moment the two republicans on the board decided they didnt want people pooping on their front lawn for the rest of their lives and agreed to certify the results. The president s tweet is like that moment halfway through star wars when darth vader says this yavin 4 had it coming. Big win for the empire. Having courage is a beautiful thing. The death star stands proud. explosion oops stephen kind of cute when he does it. So why did the republicans back down . Well, turns out, voters arent that keen on having their votes thrown out. And after news of the deadlock got out, the board held a meeting for public comments, and requests to join the zoom call quickly went beyond capacity. You know something is terribly wrong when people voluntarily join a zoom call. Now, the two republicans in question are wayne county canvassing board member and hottest guy on farmersonly. Com, will hartmann; and fellow board member and woman singing all the words to golddigger at the kentucky derbys karaoke night, monica palmer. Turns out, the public was not shy about letting them have it personally, especially this guy i just want to let you know that the trump stink, the stain of racism that you, William Hartman and monica palmer, have just covered yourself in is going to follow you throughout history. Monica palmer and William Hartman will forever be known in southeastern michigan as two racists. The law isnt on your side, history wont be on your side. Your conscience will not be on your side. And, lord knows, when you go to meet your maker, your soul is going to be very, very warm. Thank you. Stephen well, thank you for telling me ill be spending eternity burning on a lake of fire. Ill pack something light. Oh, you also say i can go pleasure myself . Again, thank you. It would be consensual. After three hours of being pelted with rocks and garbage, the meeting went on mute for five minutes, and when it came back on, hartman informed the crowd that they had just voted unanimously to certify the results. So thats it . Thats all it took . Its that easy to stop your devious plan . For petes sake, if all fascists were that weak, we could have avoided world war ii with one propaganda poster hey, hitler, is that a mustache, or have you been kissing mussolinis ass . Things are also going poorly youre shake your head on that one. Did i go too far . Do you think i hurt hitlers feelings with that one . Things are also going poorly for the president in pennsylvania. The state Supreme Court did not believe their lie that they were not allowed poll watchers, which was quite a blow for the president s lawyer Rudy Giuliani, seen here putting air quotes around the word lawyer. Yesterday, rudy was making the same makeup observer argument in federal court on the other side of pennsylvania, when he got taken down by his old nemesis words. Because as he was reading his own teams complaint to the judge, he said, im not quite sure i know what opacity means. It probably means you can see, right . To which the judge said, it means you cant. To which rudy said, big words, your honor. To which the judge said, you are an imbecile, to which rudy said, wrong, your honor im an italian. In another example of closing the barn door after the cows voted for somebody else, the president is still firing anyone who dares challenge his dexyinduced fever dreams. Case in point the u. S. Top election cybersecurity official and treasurer of the dead poet society, christopher krebs. Last week, krebs Agency Issued a statement declaring, the november 3 election was the most secure in american history, and he regularly fact checks the claims and conspiracy theories being pushed by the president , his allies, and supporters around the country. And it surely got under the president s honeyglazed skin that krebs twitter page says keep calm and count on and his profile pic is. Uh, im gonna guess, storebrand captain america . Kirkland steve rogers . The superhero on the childrens flipflops you bought at the dollar store . Anyway, true to form, last night, the con artist soontobe formerly known as president tweeted the recent statement by chris krebs on the security of the 2020 election was highly inaccurate, in that there were massive improprieties and fraud, including dead people voting, poll watchers not allowed into polling locations, glitches in the voting machines. Therefore, effective immediately, chris krebs has been terminated. How can he be this bad at crimeing . Yeah, copper, i know, you got me, i have the right to remain silent. Now give me all your money and nobody gets hurt evidently, the president s tweets caused a disturbance in the force, because Luke Skywalker himself, mark hamill, responded, translation the recent statement by chris krebs was highly accurate, in that there were no improprieties or fraud, confirmed by all credible 2020 Election Officials sworn under oath to be truthful. Therefore, he has been terminated for refusing to lie for me, your liarinchief. Wow, Luke Skywalker is a jedi master and a political pundit. Youve got to give the guy a hand. Seriously, his father cut one of them off. When krebs saw hamill had weighed in, he responded, in defending democracy, do or do not, there is no try. This is the way. Protect2020 damn, krebs bringing the nerd cred talk like yoda, krebs did verbs to the end of sentences, krebs moved and here i thought he was a halfwitted scruffylooking nerf herder. And krebs remained defiant after his firing, tweeting, honored to serve. We did it right. Defend today, secure tomorrow. Strong. Bold. But i will point out that he spelled tomorrow, tomrorow. But who am i to judge . Thats not how we spell it today, but it could be how we spell it tomrorow. As far as im concerned, this man is an american herorow. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Matthew mcconaughey is here. But when we come back, Kamala Harris goes back to washington. Nerd cred. Renew active. Only from unitedhealthcare. Think it solve it try and crack it breathe it calm it and renew it aarp staying sharp is part of renew active. Get medicare with more. Aarp staying sharp is part of renew active. Only at target. Its black friday now. This week save on electronics, family apparel, tvs and more. This week only, with new deals every week. Its black friday, now. At target. Push the button the time has come to galvanize visibly fades the dark spots away. New neutrogena® rapid tone repair 20 percent pure vitamin c. A serum so powerful dark spots dont stand a chance. See what i mean . Neutrogena® where inspiration lines theres athe shelves. An go for giving gifts so thoughtful, youll outdo the elves. If you want a christmas youll always remember, this is the place to spend less, and gift better. T. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. Hello hello there he go, my baby never answers in the room steps outside, or puts it on snooze he just do whatever he do ou ee ou ou ee ou hello hello hello hello hello hello make yoat ross ays happen. Surprise ahhh yes i love it you dont have to spend a lot to give a lot to the ones who mean the most. Youve got the holidays, and weve got you, with the best bargains ever. At ross. Yes for less yep get the gifts you love. Yesss . For everyone on your list. Youve got the holidays, and weve got you. With all the gift for less. At ross. Yes for less stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Lets say hello to mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon thunder, thunder and lightning thunder. Stephen the band sounded great just now on that bumper, big sound. How do you get such a big sound with youre all apart . Its all in the engineering, i suppose. Jon yeah, and in the hands of the players. You have to just channel it, you know. Were trying our best to make it feel good in this quarantine time. Stephen jon, im going to miss you thanksgiving. The people out there may not know, but for the last four, five years weve been having thanksgiving together. Jon yeah. Stephen and are you going to be at your at your special special quarantine place . Jon yeah. Ill be quarantining. Ill miss you, and ill miss having my family come up, because they usually come up. Stephen your mom and dad usually have dinner with us, too. Ill tell you what im going to do for you would you like some of the charleston biscuits. Would you like some of the cheese biscuits . Jon oh, yes please. These biscuits, coldblooded stephen theyre pretty good. Theyre pretty good biscuits. I will have my motherinlaw ship you the biscuits. She will be so happy to do so. Do you have any music to get people ready for some happiness for the holidays . Jon yes, indeed. I want a biscuit i need it right now i want a biscuit oh, let me tell you how stephen i smell a hit. I smell a hit. Jon batiste, everybody. It might be the biscuits, but i think im smelling a hit. Jon yes, indeed have a good one. Stephen folks, before we get to it, i just need to let you know that the Second Season of of our cartoon president right there, of which i am the executive producer, is available now on d. V. D. So go out, get this dvd, and then find a dvd player. Maybe try sifting through the rubble of an abandoned blockbuster video. I dont know. And if you still cant find a dvd player, i think its going to be available on laser disc, at some point, or marionette show at some point. Or edison wax cylinder very soon. Theyre doing talkies this year. Even if you dont have a dvd player, its just really nice and shiny. I bet your kids could whip it at each other on christmas morning. Go get it. Go get it. Do i get a piece of this . Do i get a little taste . Does daddy get a little taste of this . I got biscuits to buy. Okay, here we go. Speaking of shiny new things that were all happy about, yesterday, Kamala Harris was back in the senate for a routine vote, and it was a big deal, because it marked the first time she was on capitol hill since becoming Vice President elect. Its like coming home from your first year at college and meeting up with your old friends. Oh, what did you do last semester . Oh, you got bangs . Thats cool. I defeated the most dangerous president in american history, no bigs. You guys want to do brunch . She was there to vote against one of the president s Federal Reserve board nominees, and it was a good thing she was there. Because had harris missed the vote, Vice President pence would have been called to break the 4848 tie. She blocked him there hasnt been a Vice President ial smackdown this intense since spiro agnew piledrived Hubert Humphrey at the rumble in the rotunda it really should be the thunder in the rotunda, dont you think . There it is. Now, youd think harriss appearance would be awkward, because nearly all of her republican colleagues have joined the president s fantasy island in denying her victory. But she did get congratulations from several folks across the aisle, including this fist bump from lindsey graham. That could have been a cordial exchange, or she could have just been blocking his punch. Because hes got the forearms of a premie kitten. Heres the thing senator graham has been actively trying to get bidenharris votes thrown away, legitimate votes, throw them out. But he explained that its all in good fun, and that he was just saying hello. I havent a seen her in a while. If it works out and they make it, i told her i wish her well and try to work where we can. We will know here in a month or so, or less. Much less. Like, negative two weeks. Because its over, lindsey. She won. You sound like the best man at a wedding saying congratulations to the couple i really think these two could one day fall in love and get married. Till then, me and Rudy Giuliani are going to be shamelessly hittin on the chick in the white dress. Republican senators swore that congratulating the Vice President elect does not mean theyre hypocrites. Senator James Lankford told reporters, the election is not settled. If someone walks right up to you, you say, hello, congratulations. cool, man. Nice save. Woah, woah dont get it twisted. I do not respect the will of the voters. I just have manners. To everyone i meet, i say, hello, congratulations. On having been said hello to by me. when were back, ill be joined by the sexiest man alive, emeritus, Matthew Mcconaughey. The thunder in the rotunda ok. captain turkey. Captain is the greatest spiced rum of all time. Thats right. The goat. Good. Did he pay you to say that . Yes. Give me my money back. The number of farmers shrinks and shrinks though the bungers work doesnt get any easier. Or the day any shorter it does get a helping hand. Because mcdonalds sources from farms like theirs to keep your family fed. So were not only feeding communities. Were helping grow them. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. 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Buy online, pick up in store or with contactless curbside pickup. Only at old navy and oldnavy. Com shall i put her in snow mode . Nope what about offroad mode . Nah. Sport mode it is. Lets see what this baby can do. Or. We could check out that Farmers Market . No you know what . Ill be in chill mode. button click if anyone needs me. Propilot assist with navilink. Available on the allnew nissan rogue. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to a late show. My first guest tonight is an Academy Awardwinning actor you know from dazed and confused, magic mike, and dallas buyers club. Please welcome back to a late show, Matthew Mcconaughey how we doing, mr. Colbert stephen were doing all right. Its always good to see you, matthew. Youre always a great guest. You know i like you. I like you, too. Stephen thats good to hear it. Ill tell you one thing, though, its kind of bad to see you at the same time, because this is the second time ive spoken to you in quarantine, and that just drives home, that drives home how long weve been in quarantine at this point. Or maybe how much you like me. Maybe its how much we like each other, you know,. Stephen im not saying im not taking anything away from the obvious afeks we have for each other, im just saying, come on, man. This is a long time. Its time. Stephen you know what takes the sting out of it, matthew . Whats that . Stephen this wild turkey you sent me. And im not bringing it up just because youre my guest. I want to tell the other guests be more like Matthew Mcconaughey. Not only did you send me this, you sent me a whole damn gift basket to go with it. This is how you do it, tom hanks, okay. laughter step up all right . Remember, he likes his wild turkey. It will not good bad. He will use it. Stephen i will, all right. Listen, what is you have something i do want to talk about. Wild turkeys with with with thanks. Stephen with thanks initiative. Teal may what that is while i pour myself a glass of this. About four years ago i have been creative director of wild turkey and about four years ago we said lets quit making big advertisements, lets do something good, shine some light on people who are doing good or help people out. We had a turkey giveaway in lauenceburg, and we went to the First Responders after the hurricane in houston. We went to the First Responders and firemen and women in l. A. After the fires. And this year, with covid, we said lets find four americans that are doing something really good for their own communities, all right. So we found somebody in austin, new orleans, chicago, and dallas, that are giving covid tests to their community that cant give them get them. Another lady is giving necessities like diapers and backpacks and pants to kids that cant get them at this time. Another guy in new orleans created 250,000 jobs for musicians and hospitality workers out of work since covid. Were shining a light on them, tell their story. Hopefully that makes other people in america go, hey, i know somebody in my neighborhood doing well. Im going to shine a light on them. Or hey, maybe ill become one myself. Thats the thanks initiative. This is a longrunning product as well i mean, a wild turkey product as well. Im going to join you here, sir. Stephen now, you celebrated a birthday. Do you have any birthday traditions, anything anything thats special you like to do every year . Ah, no, its usually with the family. You know, like i said, four years ago, we decided the birthday would be i head out and go on that turkey drop in lawrenceberg. This year stephen im sorry, whats a turkey drop . Whats a turkey drop . Deliver 1,000 turkeys to peoples doors, most of those people who may not be abe to get a turkey on thanksgiving. Stephen i wanted to make sure you arent actually literally dropping turkeys out of something. Dropping turkeys off. Stephen because domestic turkeys are flightless and they would just hit the ground like a like a flightless turkey. Like a flightless turkey. Like a penguin. Stephen what about you . What do you do for yourself . Birthday morning is it all about matthew, all day long . Well, to some extent. Like the last birthday i just turned 51. I had an hour with myself, had a little inventory stephen dont gloss over that. What does that mean an hour with yourself. A little reflection time. How was 50 . Stephen in front of the mirror . Oh, 100 , right in front of the mirror, you know. No, i was actually outside, caught a sunrise. Stephen thats nice. I dont catch many of those. Stephen are you a morning man . No, im a sunset dude. Stephen youre a sunset dude. Okay. Are you a morning man . Stephen uh, no. No. Im a me either. Im a moonrise man. Moon rise . If you can parlay that situation get a sunset and moonrise happening at the same time. Stephen oh, sure, the setting sun and rising moon moving in perfect opposition and concordance. Thats thats a beautiful dance. Stephen yeah. So, yeah, i had an hour with myself with the sunrise on my birthday. I went back in, snuggled up with my wife for a few hours, and we did not come out and greet the day, the rest of the family, until it was lurch time. Grabbed the kiddos, went outside, turned up the mush, had an outdoor lunch and turned into an outdoor dinner and we watched survivor, a show we were catching up on. Stephen thats a cbs product, isnt it . There you go you push the ill push the wild turkey, you push the cbs prime time. Its a deal i hope you check it out some day. I have heard really good things. You seem like a man swho a font of wisdom. And need you, if you dont mind, to give some of our viewers some matthew mcconahelp. For people celebrating family apart from family this year. Do you have any advice for them . Its the sound thing to do. Yeah, lets see what the sound thing to do this thanksgiving turkey day. I will say this it is a good time to think about oh, lets survive, lets not thrive. I know you want to get together with your with all your family, come from all over the country, but this year might be a good year to hold off on that. And if do you that, that will be i that will be better than the turkey was ever going to taste. Stephen and how sweet will next thanksgiving be . It will be so sweet. Stephen there will be a great great rubbing of parts. Two years worth. Double up next year. Stephen you can double up on the pie. Lets talk gratitude. What are you giving thanks for this year, big or small . Like, whats a small thing youre giving thanks for. Small thing. Stephen what are you grateful for. Theres one right there. And i do love a really new sharp pair of these. whistles . Stephen you literally looked down and you had nail clippers in front of you . Give me a cup of Wild Turkey Long Branch with one rock in it, a good headlamp with a presh battery and a fresh pair of clippers and ill go have a 30minute session with my fingers and toes. Its one of my favorite times of my day. I love a good sharp clipper, nail clipper. Stephen i did not i did not expect that to be the pleasure zone for Matthew Mcconaughey. Its one of them. I have these in every room in the house. There are 40 pair stephen really . Do you just clip at random and they just fly around the room at all times . Are there drips of to nail clippings in the corner. I have my zones, and probably my zones may trespass on the other people in the familys zone a little bit, and they go, thats kind of rude. Okay, okay, heading outside. Heading outside. Stephen you have added something to your resume this year. The times numberone bestseller author, your memoir, greenlights, went to number one. What, Matthew Mcconaughey, does that mean . Whats greenlights . Check this out. Green lights. We love green lights. They say yes, carry on, onward, thatta boy, that a girl. We dont like the red lights. They make things hard. The crises or whatever. The red and yellow eventually turn green, or reveal assets in the future, via lessons we learn via the yellow and red, and that makes them turn green. And thats why i think life is all green lights. Even the red reds and yellows, e crises when were in them. Stephen im glad to hear youre not trash talking reds and yellows. If all lights were green all the time, people would be slamming into each other. You would go full speed and you would be dizzy. You have to include the reds and yellows. Stephen you include a lot of wisdoms and Bumper Sticker slogans in here. Why do you love butcher sticker slogans so much . You know, its one of the Bumper Stickers are sort of one of the bastions of real acceptable free speech. You gotta say because theyre a Bumper Sticker, nobody takes them that seriously. When you see a Bumper Sticker, you know who somebody voted for. You know if they have a family. You know what their denomination is. You know if theyre a gun carrier or not. You can find out so much by a Bumper Sticker. And what i always find fun is pull up on a car, see a Bumper Sticker and immediately get an image of who is behind the wheel and pull up next to that car and see if the person driving fits the image you had via the Bumper Sticker. Or vice versa, you see somebody behind you, they pull by and see a Bumper Sticker and may be exactly what you thought and maybe something different. Stephen maybe how about this i think you can learn things from peoples Bumper Stickers. Instead of an app like tinder, you take a photo of a Bumper Sticker and people judge whether they want to meet you based on that. Hey, talking sunsets and sunrises now, arent we . That would work. Stephen is it true i heard you say that you might consider running for governor in texas . Mr. Mcconaughey, will you run for governor of texas . Its a simple answer yes or hell yes. Which one is it . I have no plans to do that right now. As i said, that would be up to stephen thats such a political answer thats the political answer i have no plans at this point. Obviously i have to discuss it with my family and my spiritual adviser. Well, that would be true as well. Check this out. Look, right now, no. I dont get politics. Politics seems to be a broken business. Politics needs to redefine its purpose. So as i move forward in life, and, yes, am i going to consider leadership roles where i can be most useful . I would love that. Im doing that regardless. So thats where i sit right now. That came out i actually just read that headline actually about an hour ago. Stephen me, too. Didnt know it came out that way. Stephen right before i came down here, i saw that headline. Do you have any idea where that came from . Yeah, i did i did ive been asked that question if i was interested in running for governor quite a bit lately. Stephen oh, okay. And ive always kind of given the same answer but evidently one of them came out i would consider it since i didnt say absolute no. Stephen so i would consider it, Matthew Mcconaughey, that stands . Whatever leadership role i can be most useful in, and i dont know that thats politics. Right now, i dont see it as politics. Ill drink to that. Stephen okay, you made some bold claims in the books and we only have second heres, matthew. Come on, come on. Stephen this is a lightning role. You said youd rather be a sailor than an astronaut. Defend yourself. Oh, yeah. Stephen id rather join the army instead of air force, always have. Stephen why, you dont like up . I got no problem with up. Im still getting off to whats right in front of me, though, chasing that sunset over the horizon. Every time you take a path, even though its the same one i have taken before, its different every single time. Stephen have you done big sails, openocean sailing, anything like that . Not really. Stephen if you like sunsetses you say youre a sunset man, theres nothing look a sunset out in the middle out there. You know what you see, matthew what do you see. Stephen green flash. You have ever seen the green flash . Youre damn right i have. laughter stephen its not going to get better than that, guys. Greenlights, the man held up the book, but i will, too. Its available now. Matthew mcconaughey, everybody. Well be right back with cedric the entertainer. Thank you, matthew. mom it sure is. mom vo over the years, we trusted it to carry and protect the things that were most important to us. mom good boy. Remember this . mom vo we always knew we had a lot of life ahead of us. mom cmon. 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Ask your Health Care Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. To high quality Computer Science and stem education. I joined amazon because i wanted to change education and i am impatient. Amazon gives me the resources to change the world at a pace that i want to change it. We provide students stem scholarships and teachers with support. Im a fighter and im fighting for all students. Welcome back my next guest is one of the original kings of comedy and the star of the cbs sitcom, the neighborhood. Trust me. Youre going to need to add a little flash and a little swag. If you want to talk about school funding, how about this weve got to fund schools or graduate fools. laughter okay, that was actually really good. Yeah. Did you just come up with that . Im a dragon, guys. I just spitfire. laughter okay, well, come on, man. Burn my village down. laughter . Okay, all right, check this out. We cant be safe in the park if its too damn dark. laughter or recycle your trash and well give you some cash. laughter but that ones not true. It doesnt matter. It rhymes. Stephen please welcome back to a late show, cedric the entertainer whats up . Stephen cedric the entertainer, thats established. Your name has been noterrized. Yeah. Stephen what are you doing to entertain yourself right now . People need any form of entertainment they can to get through covid. Whats your form of entertainment, cedric . My main thing, like most people, is doing a lot of Grocery Shopping. Stephen not the cooking. Its the actual Grocery Shopping . Yeah, go to the grocery store, and just find myself ive been learning avocado a lot of people take it for granted. Stephen i dont know, what is the secret . The secre have to you have to find the correct degree of softness and firmness so it is a its like learning to play the saxophone. Its this humming if you do kenny g. , if you just hum it to yourself. humming you can find the right avocado. Stephen its kenny g. What if i think coal train while squeezing an avocado. What happens . Oh, now youre talking guacamole, my friend stephen coal train come on. Youre going to do too much. Stephen season three of the neighborhood premiered this week. Its so nice to have you guys back. Yup. Stephen now, what was it like to do the show again, you shot the new season during covid. Yeah. Stephen were in covid now. Youre shooting it. What is that like . What are the precautions you guys took . Well, it was tough. One, like anybody who had to come bark it was all of the you know, they had protocol. And it was a lot of, you know, masks, shield, full beekeepers uniform on, you know. One day i just wore a burqua. Just covered myself and no one even knew it was me, okay. And then but we have a lady here that is i like to her her the propo. Shes the protocol police. Shes the propo. Anything, if youre drinking a coffee and you put it down on something, then shes coming through a sanitizers and youve got to wipe it before you could get back up. Its a lot upon. Im like the coffee is already hot. I believe that the coronavirus doesnt work well in heat according to the president , that when it was going to warm up, it didnt work. So ive got logic of why i think this is fine. So im not understanding why i have to wipe all this stuff down. But whatever. Stephen that clip that we just saw had laughter in it, but theres no live audience, right . Because of covid, you guys cant have one. Yeah. Stephen so thats a laugh track. What what is and itsandable that you have one because its thats, you know, you have no choice at this point. Do you ever have any disagreements on how the people actually lay the laughs in . Because youre a professional. You have performed live your entire career. You know what that sound like. Do do you ever go like, no, that would have been bigger. Or that would have been a little trailoff, a little tail on that, and i would have ridden it off to the next laugh. Exactly. You listen to the laugh sometimes and you see the edit, and youre like man, thats not listen to the joke, and you know that that laugh would have been one that kind of, like, caught on. And you need that. Thats the one thats laughing . Stephen can i just get a recording of him laughing and play that during this show because i would feel much better. Not all laughs are at the same level. We know this as being standup. They listen to me sometimes, stephen, i have been able to get into the lab editz and work with them, and were getting better. That was our first one. That was the first one. Stephen cedric, we have to take a quick break. Stick around, everybody, well be right back with more cedric the entertainer. A pizza. He uses fresh, clean ingredients to make a masterpiece. Taste our delicious new flatbread pizzas today. Panera. An herbal stress reliever ashwagandha, that helps you turn the stressed life. Into your best life. Stress less and live more. With stressballs. Only at target. Its black friday now. This week save on electronics, family apparel, tvs and more. This week only, with new deals every week. Its black friday, now. At target. teen mom. It happened again. vo add some thrill to your wish list. At the season of audi sales event. Youre con the clock,the go, and on your way. Hang on a second. Whats the rush . Know the speed limit, go the speed limit, and slow the fast down. Go safely, california. Take a quick break,ite, jump on a quick call. Next time you take a quick trip, how about this . Take a second, take your time, and slow the fast down. Go safely, california. Isolation is one of the unspoken tragedies of the elderly who are now being told dont see your family at thanksgiving. For many people, this is their final thanksgiving, believe it or not. What are we doing here . What trump adviser dr. Scott atlas just said is one of the many gifts from the trump administration, that we, the covid family, give thanks for on this thanksgiving. This cob our last thanksgiving, but its people like them who make sure its truly unforgettable. Happy superspreader thanksgiving, everyone this is the feeling of total protection now that we protect your identity, and mobile phone, as well as auto home and life youve never been in better hands allstate click or call for a quote today youve never been in better hands allstate cross eerbody off heyour gift list. E emas. The whole squad lookin fly in the halfzips. Its the coziest fleecemas that ever existed. Shop cozy styles for everyone on your list. We holiday. Only at old navy and oldnavy. Com wait, no. Big mac sosorry. No. Mcnuggets. Hmmm. Sir . Im still here. Uhhhh. Get it at mcdonalds when you buy one of your faves and get another for just a dollar. Get new charmin ultra strong. Whgetting clean . Of your faves it just cleans better, so your family can use less. Hello clean bottom enjoy the go with charmin. At 30 calories v8 is surprisingly filling. You can have yogurt for 30 calories too, but the portion might be a little less satisfying. V8 the original Plant Powered drink. Veg up. Try natures bounty sleep 3 a unique tri layer supplement, that calms you helps you fall a sleep faster and stay a sleep longer. Great sleep comes naturally with sleep 3 only from natures bounty Grocery Outlet jingle do you have cheese . Of course. More cheese for less chedar do you have kale . Absolutly. More kale for less cabbage in our produce section. How about pizza . yep. More pizza for less dough in the freezer section. Now youre getting the hang of it. Grocrey outlet jingle stephen hey, everybody, were back with the star of the neighborhood, cedric the entertainer. You were coming up on the 20th anniversary of the original kings of comedy. Comedy. Thanks stephen there you go. There you go. Is there any kind of reunion in the future here. Sadly, bernie mac is gone. But is there any plan for you guys to go back on the road . I mean, its been theres a little bit of talk. Steve harvey was the one. He kind of retired from standup. He has 17 other jobs, so but, you know, he stephen hes busy keeping those families from feuding with eaching other. Yeah. But hes considering it, and i think it will be fun for us to try to get back out. But, you know, who knows when well be able to go back out and perform, especially in a crowd the size of that. You know, we were doing arenas with the kings of comedy. But i look forward to it, if we do. I definitely would love to do it. Stephen i would love to see it. Can the neighbor airs mondays at come join us, stephen. Stephen that would be a surprising booking on that tour, and i would be honored, cedric the entertainer. Stephen the hanger on. Cedric the entertainer, everybody. Well be right back. Thanks, cedric. When i found out. I had hiv, it was difficult for. Me to accept. I decided. Hiv doesnt define me. My names dimitri. And im on biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment. Used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill. Biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low. It cannot be measured by a lab test. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take,. If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv. Keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be ll cool j, dave grohl, and musical guest, foo fighters. James corden is next. Good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show