I told him I’d had a brain scan. ‘Oh, did they find one?’ he said
It was my ex ex’s birthday. I booked dinner at Locanda Locatelli, the Michelin-starred Italian on London’s Portman Square. I know I said I wasn’t going to spend money on a man ever again, but surely landmark birthdays don’t count. Also, in my defence, I booked it months ago. When they called me up the day before to ask if I still wanted my banquette for two, I didn’t have the heart to say, no, actually, I’ve gone off him as he criticised my hair. That would be too humiliating, plus I would have lost my deposit. I wore a Gucci skirt and a Prada T-shirt, both over 20 years old.