Transcripts For CNN The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor 20240706

Is here. Mood to peter. Deductions dont get this corgi found out you can ride off 9 70 30. Oh, yeah. All that name. To the center. Thats why its on cnn. E the show. Six Susie Anderman says low as well. Yeah observer of you men. David hasselhoff. Senior girl. Puts fishies in history. Friends. Do you see me over . Schneider and boucher share me. Have to pee in his pants. Just to stay until. Its jennifer drew, but later his wife or would not getting to first base in real life. Together many jews switches channel. Its like crisis rather than. The price is wrong. Because his brother has a penis. His anger gave us. Happy. To stop looking at me. This is how you win them from standing judas beauty and we cheat. Had the training in his grave spin. Theres no one like you. No youtube. You make this laugh. Keep straight employed. You make me proud to be june. You deserve to return. So respect. 20. The smartest man alive. Prices wrong youre out. Doyle rules. Now youre all in big, big trouble. I want you to marry a girl who has the same belief as the family. I said that that why should they marry a girl . Thanks so much, mark. Lets welcome a very funny young man, adam sandler, adam over there. Two guys from a religious cult about their new restaurants of food good or what . The foul miss of. Love you, kid. You too, dad. Hes great. Greatest guy. Everyones seen how wonderful you are. Lets move on the loop could have been brought to my attention yesterday. Oy what i call quality dual. Nobody is pointlessly talk next guest. Conan obrien. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen. Distinguished guests. Family friends. And esteemed members of the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize committee. I come before you tonight to state in complete honesty. And sincerity. Youre making a terrible, terrible mistake. Good god in heaven. Kennedy center. What have you done . No award has screwed up this badly since the Macarthur Genius Grant was given to vin diesel. Seriously. People have not been this shock since they won a latin grammy. It was 2019 look it up. Shakira and i was killed it. Ill grant you. A lot of amazing amazing people have flown to d. C to say nice things about adam sandler. But if you ask yourself why so many of adams friends were available to speak tonight. Ill tell you why. Because when adam isnt working, they arent working. Everyone everyone speaking on this stage tonight, suckles on adams teat. Theres going to be so much milk on this floor, people going to slip on the way out. I alone can speak with honesty because ive never been in one of adams 650 movies. Im sorry. 6 52. He made two on the way in tonight anyway. Technically i was up for one role, but adam called me and said sorry, pal. I had to give that part to my uber each driver. At first, i thought, you know, its good. Schneiders working. Madman. That is two of 75 tonight, ladies and gentlemen, get ready. For me tonight and me alone. You will hear the unvarnished, ugly truth. This whole Train Proceeding is an abomination. Eugene oneill called mark twain , the true father of all american literature. When factor described twain as our sovereign of the written word. Adam sandler said, is he Shania Twains brother . I get it. This is a big night for adam. Its the first award hes received where he hasnt been slimed, which is nice. You may ask, who am i to judge . I want to tell you. Ive known adam since very early in his career. I will never forget that moment we met at Saturday Night Live. This is a true story. I was working late in my office on a tuesday 1919 91, and suddenly adam appeared in the doorway. His pants around his ankles. His eyes were crossed. This is true and a pencil was sticking out of his bottom. Ah there he is. I exclaimed. Our train. No. Adam is not mark twain. But then again, no one is that is not what this night is about. This prize rightly celebrates giants of american humor each distinctive in their own way. And in that regard no one is more deserving of this honor. But adam sandler. Adam is a uniquely american voice bighearted, joyous, outrageous, angry, absurd and more insanely prolific than any of his peers. Adams comedy doesnt preach or instruct. Like twain. Hes down in the muck with us, laughing at himself. He has creatively restless. A giant film star of comedy and drama. Who still towards the country. Like a vaudevillian. I dont know what drives adam. Frankly i dont want to know. Im scared. But he is beloved around the world more than anyone i can think of. He really is. Yes, ill be honest. Adam is a friend. We are neighbors. He has been to my house many times in one day. I hope to be invited to his. Spaces. Its great, but like Everyone Else tonight, im here because adam deserves this honor. Not for his legendary kindness and generosity, spirit. But because he is the funniest man i know. Its a thrill. To see his insane genius rewarded here. With this richly deserved Mark Twain Prize. I love you, adam. And you deserve this. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for coming. It means so much that youre all here. Its a lovely to see all your faces. And im going to introduce the great henry blinker, and hes gonna say a few words. What an amazing thing that we are here at sandler burst. What an amazing thing that people flew in from all over the country. I feel like everyone here, gut. Uh invitation to a very intimate dinner with sandler. Like just his best friends, right . It was just his best friends, and then it turned out to be like 200 people still because he has that many best friends. They told me to dress nicely and then look how youre dressed. Like a down on his luck who i in detected. I wouldnt change anything about adam. Its nice, perfect the way he is. Maybe, you know, maybe your shirt every now and then. The mark twain pze for american humor celebrating adam sandler is present by wells fargo, presenting sponsor of the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize. Or did they discuss. Wells fargo has donated 50 million in support of indigenous peoples. Including funding solar furnaces. That converts sunlight coming to the warm house. Grandma household Traditional Center done fargo bank of doing youre doing business in an app driven multi cloud world. Thats why you choose vm ware with flexible Multi Cloud Services that enable Digital Innovation and Enterprise Control helps you keep your Cloud Options open. Heavenly father. Thank you for this food to change his name from four men, the poor man. You gotta punch like ive never seen hot stuff. Box anymore. Do you know what youre walking away from . Following god will start repossessing the property. You wont pay the bills going to win the heavyweight championship buildings. How can you beat that man after a decade out of the ring isnt losing its survival. George foreman. Choosing miracle ear was a great decision. Like when i decided to host family movie nights. Miracle ear made it easy. I just booked an appointment and a certified Hearing Care Professional evaluated my hearing loss and help me find the right device calibrated to my unique hearing needs now i enjoy every moment. The quiet ones. And the loud ones. Sound decision. Call 1 800 miracle now and book your free Hearing Evaluation for the ones ensuring the job always gets done and the ones wearing many hats. Granger offers professional grade Industrial Supplies and real time product availability. Ranger. Com or just stop by granger for the ones who get it done. Okay everyone. Our mission is complete. Balanced nutrition together, we provide nutrients to support immune, muscle bone and heart health, 25 vitamins and minerals and ensure complete with 30 g of protein. Im eva longoria and im following my mayan ancestry to the yucatan. Dont understand how excited i am to finally eat fish on a beach [ ominous Music Playing ] here we go level up your speed. Mario yea [ screaming ] introducing the xfinity 10g network. Super fast internet today. With even faster speeds tomorrow. Woohoo out. Im on it. Four imprint for certain presents a max original heavens gate tomorrow at 10 on cnn. Ive known adam sandler a long time. We both started out in new york. I think we first met around 1989. That was also the year a miracle happened for me. I was hired by Saturday Night Live. I got the job because my blood, sweat and tears finally paid off when my father called Lorne Michaels and asked him to hire me. Actually thats not true leading up to that job. I was working very hard, developing and directing my own short films. Adam was on an mtv game show playing a character named stud boy. I would fine tune my scripts go over my shot list rehearsed with the actors work into the late hours considering every aspect of my comedic vision, adam would put on a silk robe and asked contestants against what celebrity woman he recently had sex with. Both of our early creations are currently up on youtube, and its really not important which one of them has fewer than 15,000 views. Theres something about him. You know his work it just it all it all feels effortless. It almost seems. I mean, i dont want to say lazy because thats not the right word and. I dont have a better word. So for now, lets go with lazy. Under the surface. Theres just theres just so much more to it. I mean, there has to be. I mean, how else can you explain a Crazy Hanukkah Song . Thats really yeah. And its really just a list of rhyming celebrity names, and yet it goes multi platinum, and its become a holiday radio staple that my daughter forces us all to listen to. After we light the candles every year. That adam magic i bet if a different famous jewish comedic actor wrote away into your song about lets say young kipper. His representatives would call it embarrassing and beg him not to release it, even if they heard that killer opening line. Its time to atone. So lets get in the zone. I got my dick caught in my zipper. And now it is young kipper. You know what . Its adam. You cant let it bother you, right . I mean the same way. Im never bothered when people come up to me on the street and go sandler, i love you. Click save my marriage. I love it. I mean, you see him and you love him. You want to be his friend . Thats the truth. My own son is a huge fan. Hes constantly asking me. Is there any chance adam would be in this with you so that people will like it . Hes a kid. You know, its cute, whatever. He doesnt understand how this business actually works. Its not like i can just, you know, corner adam and some huge event and trying to pressure him to commit to doing a movie with me. I mean, what would the idea even be . Grown ups. Three. Theres a new grown up in town. Okay sounds kind of good title alone has people sitting up a little straighter, but then what . Right i dont know. I know. Maybe im your characters estranged twin brother. Were reunited because i believe theres treasure buried under our childhood summer camp. Dynamite hook . Sure, but then what . Okay i guess maybe then wed go out to the middle of the dead mans pond and stolen canoe and a giant Snapping Turtle would steal our paddles chopped into splinters and leave us stranded to heal Family Trauma before a Big Physical Set Piece where id say oh, i think im getting seasick and you tell me you cant get seasick on a pond. And then id argue that all boat based sickness is seasickness and youd say we are not on the c have to be getting pond sick, and that doesnt exist. And then i Say Something like, well oh, good. Thats a relief and immediately throw up on you. When you throw up on me, and id say oh, it looks like youre getting seasick too, and you scream pants sick. And thats the way im throwing up and throwing up because i had to watch you throw up and seeing people throw up makes me throw up. And then finally, maybe spade rose out to save us. But then we both throw up on him. And you know, he says Something Like, wow usually have to pay a chick 600 bucks to do that to me. Classic spade feels like a trailer moment. But you know i dont know. I havent really thought about it. But you know, as great as that movie would be, and i can feel a lot of people are here are clearly juiced on the concept. Even if i had a notarized Contract Meeting on stage is not like i would ever ask you to sign it. Although i guess it would be kind of legendary and generate the kind of you know, buzzy marketing push. You just cant buy these days. I dont know. Maybe we get the safeties to direct or all right, forget it. Real reason im here is to tell you, adam. How much i value. And since this is supposed to be the you know the sincere emotional part of my speech would like to conclude by disguising my real feelings under a silly fake accents. I wont seem too vulnerable. Oh, adam sandler. I love you so very, very much. At moments when im feeling sad and overwhelmed , wondering if i have any value as a person, or im feeling insecure about my talent or lack of it. I know i can always call you and share my feelings in a way i can with no one else. It makes me feel better the same way i feel when i have a chocolate chip cookie. Or a big board of energy now, alfredo. Congratulations on getting this very special Mark Twain Prize. Take a look at adam sandler stage television. Alright alright right there they look good. Finished a big book the other day 421 pages. Thats a lot of coloring. You know when you think about it there maybe having a little bad data. Cabdriver dont know what was wrong and were driving along and he killed a dog. He didnt have a dog with his car. He just got out and stabbed it. Open as a son who just moved to hollywood, and she asked me to help. My mom would rub the Vicks Vaporub on me and then that was an awkward moment. You know shes rubbing it on my chest and making eye contact occasionally, man. Were just good friends, you know. Im not saying i did anything with my mother. Im just saying, i think i could have house, indiana heated toilet. See, i gotta say it was made you relax came out and i said, i like that he didnt tourists. And whered you get that . He goes, i dont have a heated toilets. These emails from the kids school that i got to come in. Its terrific tuesday, come by the school and you tell the kids how terrific they are. And father literally came to school. One time he opened the door in the middle of the test, and i hear whered you put the rake . You put it on the nail. I think i did you think i got there . I get it. Ill get it there after school. No, you get it now. Mm hmm. Ill. Leave you with what my pop always used to tell me growing up laugh and the world laughs with you cry and ill give you a reason to cry, you little pansy. Very much my first might drop. Hi im Adam Sandlers former roommate, judd apatow. Im here to talk about what adam was like. Both four success. When i first met adam in 1986, wed never in a million years. Imagine Something Like this could happen. Adam is the only person ive ever known. The moment you met him, you knew he was going to be a big star, and so did adam. And he would tell you the same man is going to be the biggest, you know, they cant stop the same man. I first saw him on stage doing stand up at the comic strip. I remember he grabbed the top of his sweatpants. And pulled it up high so that the bulge in his pants stuck out. And then, he said, this is my impression of mikhail baryshnikov. At that moment, he became my friend and my favorite comedian. Two years later, we got an apartment together in North Hollywood adams Interior Design sense was simple. A mattress on the floor covered with a sheet. Thats it. I have no memory of him ever watching that sheet . I dont think we knew people washed sheets. We spent our days going to movies and writing jokes. At night, we go to the improv to try to impress bud friedman. So well let us sit at his table at the end of the night. Back then adam had so much comic energy, but he had no outlet. There were no movies. There was no Saturday Night Live so all the energy he now puts into his movies he used to put into making his friends laugh at dinner in the car at an apartment. He was the most fun person to be around. This photo kind of captures what he was like. 24 hours a day. At night, he would take this energy and make Phony Phone Calls way more Phony Phone Calls, then its normal. He did it every day. Sometimes i would come home and hed be making Phony Phone Calls by himself alone in the dark. Adam needed a job. We had our own little group, Rob Schneider lived across the street, david spade lived down the block. Sometimes jim carey would come over and try to write In Living Color sketches. I believe in himself so much that he started writing a screenplay for himself to star in even though he was basically unemployed, and no one was asking him to do this. Man needed a job. Then one day he gets a call to go to chicago to audition for Saturday Night Live and i thought, how could he be a cast member on Saturday Night Live . He doesnt do any impressions. He has no characters on staging mumbles and bombs about a third of the time. Then i got a call from adam. He booked the show. He immediately moved to new york and left all of his clothes and his wallet at the apartment. And has never attempted to retrieve him. I still have all of it. This is his drivers license, which i still have from New Hampshire. Adam did not pick it up. I dont know how he drove. I dont know what happened. And then this is his fake id. Which is from joe bidens delaware. The one he used when he was underage. According to the date of birth. Adam is now 60 years old. Continued to pay rent for a really long time but never came home. So finally i moved out. Ive gotten to work on a lot of projects with adam over the years, but i really cherish our friendship. You know a few times a year who called me in the middle of the night to talk about just how fortunate we are. You know, hell just say, can you believe it actually happened. Judd can you believe that . We get to do this . Isnt this the best . And sometimes he calls when hes out of gas, and theyll say, i dont know if i have anything left in the tank. Maybe thats it. Is it over . And then in the next year to hell make uncut gems, hustle and Murder Mystery to i guess its not over. How happy he has made people is truly remarkable. Hes our eddie murphy. But hes also our Marx Brothers. And now hes kind of our Jack Nicholson to. I feel like were in the early stage of another amazing sandler era. Congratulations adam. I love you. I love your family. I also love the congresswoman representing the 11th district of california, nancy pelosi. Back when i had a working circulatory system, you had to give your right arm to find great talent. But with up work, theres highly skilled talent from all over the globe. Right at your fingertips. Its where businesses meet great remote talent and remote talent meets great opportunity. This is how we work now. Tommy lost £30 on noon. Wait, im tom use psychology to lose weight. Mindful aspect made me feel more conscious about what i was eating and why i was eating it. Its actually working and make it last with new week. I brought in ensure max protein with 30 g of protein. Those who tried me felt more energy and just two weeks ill take that. Max. Protein with 30 g of protein, one g of sugar and nutrients for immune help. 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Good morning, everyone all good. Good morning, everyone we do begin with bre alex mateo, hey hows business . Great. You know that loan has really worked wonders. Thats what u. S. Bank is for. And youre growing in california . Yup, socal, norcal. Monterey . All day. A branch in ventura . Thats for sureah. Atms in fresno . Fresyes. Encinitas . Yes, indeedus. Anaheim . Big time. More guacamole . Im on a rollay. How about you . Im just visiting. U. S. Bank. Ranked 1 in Customer Satisfaction with Retail Banking in california by j. D. Power. Certainty. Marcel perctucts at. Print for certain solomon in new york. And this is cnn. Closed captioning brought to you by meso book. Com. We proudly help veterans with mesothelioma. Call for a free book 1 808 220400 or go to meso book. Com. Adam sandler gave me my first chance. My first opportunity in hollywood one day i got a call. In my office in mexico. Mr sandler wants to meet you. What are you talking about . I mean, is he here . Call at my house. Hes like there he is, is that im saying im like, hey, buddy , how you doing . Oh, my god. My whole familys tripping out and be like its out of saying alright, that became years and years of adam calling and he said, hey, man, i got a job for you, man. And that was click and i remember he said, hey, man, you like wrestling were doing, sandy wexler said. Hey youre going back to santa fe. Were doing what ridiculous sick. Im very grateful for every movie that sailors put me in, and theres a script that came called grandmas boy goes and i really hope you do this. It was not a big hit. No ones going to see it anyway. You sort of feel like you have to do movies with him, because if you dont hell scream at you. Again and again and again. In that, whereas you down. Im on my way to being the next job, love. Its at this point, and i recognize that and most of that is because of adam and then and then every movie im in question is the part of a pervert. Why am i always a pervert . Its funny. Youre funny. Love it. It makes me laugh. So i said, can you put me in your next movie, and then he did it . He did it and i played a pervert. Please billy, no gibberish tonight, please. I beg you. You want to have what they call the Social Skills . Mom is not that people dont understand you get the hell out of here. Me, dont you . No no, no, i dont hate you. Thats why you never have any friends. I disagree. I will work on behaving, but i aint going to act like a stiff out there. Its all holding. Paul. Why didnt you just go home . Thats your home. Are you too good for your home . Can do this if i set my mind to it, you aint cool unless you pee your pants. Parenting hey, thanks. You, my therapist, take a walk. Stick there. Somebody should move it your sense of humor. Funny every 30 bit of it. I think shes starting to remember who i am. Do you take care of everybody like to insult people . Never worry about yourself my own horn. Smell it does take It Goodhearted Guy who we think is a weirdo because he doesnt share our sense of ironic detachment like vicki and she likes me back and she showed me a boobies, and i liked them too. I have so much strength in me. You have no idea. I have a love in my life makes me stronger than anything you can imagine the board. Mistakes, they changed their lives can go. Do you have something that he doesnt have a Speech Impediment . You have to think i am the best guy out there. You will see the whole world will be silky smooth. Thank you so much for being my friends. Best man, everybody, man, the better man. Im here. Im here. Save the best for last right . Work third or whatever i am. I dont know how many people have been here before me. All blends together, you know . Kinda like adams movies. Hey, buddy. When they asked me to say a few words about my friend adam, i immediately said. Whatever. Where is it . Oh d c. Yeah typical sandler. I never get cast. In his movies in hawaii or south freaking africa, but oh, do you see . Yeah lets get the bush on a bus and get them down here. Thats what he calls me. Bush. Makes no sense. Ive never understood that. Im sorry. So congratulations, buddy. You got your big comedy and more. Yeah comedy am i right . Now i was a serious actor before i met you, man. I did edgy indies. Have you ever tried that in a way . Im not talking about playing yourself in unedited gems. I mean, yeah, youre good at it. But the whole time i was i was watching you in it. I was thinking stay in your lane waterboy. Anyway i suppose i should read these words that the writers texted me this morning. Thank you. He doesnt act like a movie star. Doesnt look like one either. I mean, and he actually sucks at golf. Okay its more like crappy gilmore. Hail. Seriously all drinking aside. I love you, adam. I love you, buddy. Nobody makes me laugh like you and nobody has taken better care of me in this business than you and its yeah, he does this. It does this for all his friends. Hes done it for so many people, all the guys that you came up with their either writing or directing or producing or acting in your films. I love it when you scream at me off camera like funny things to say, and i just try and say them like you. And then when i hear you laugh at the funny thing you told me to say im in heaven. No, i love it. But for me, i think the best part of working with adam with you is just its just getting to hang out with you, man. Congratulations adam. You are deservedly getting this award for your legendary career and knowing you. And your talent and your big heart. The best is yet to come. Now. Can i please go to hawaii with you next time . Okay. Hi how are you . Hmm. Welcome big daddy desantis. To me every day. Everybody. Im having his mom. Adam is my youngest child. When he was ready to be potty trained. I was busy with the Household Chores and the older childrens homework, so i couldnt take him to the bathroom. As much as i wanted to. Well one day i was walking past the bathroom, and there was adam at 2. 5 years old. Our puppy dog shirt, khan, who i also was party train. Being on the paper together. Thats what i knew he was going to grow up to be. A comedian proved me right here. When he was young. Adam always liked wearing comfortable clothes, t shirts, shorts and sweatpants. Whenever we asked him to wear a suit he would carry on and say it was too itchy. We still made him wear one. I think he rebelled against that. There are adam sandler days at schools now, and students dress up like adam. Is a fashion easter, they say, and i say hes a slob. Much of that, and success is due to his beautiful and loving wife. Children are efecto daughters, and we are so proud of him. I want to thank the Kennedy Center for honoring adam with the Mark Twain Prize for american humor, and i want to thank his fans for seeing his movies and shows remember, always keep laughing. Its good for your health and all of mankind and adam. Im sure dad is looking down on all of us and shouting. Terrific. Okay everyone. Our mission is complete, balanced nutrition together, we provide nutrients to support immune, muscle bone and heart health, 25 vitamins and minerals and ensure complete with 30 g of protein without the ones like you working tirelessly to keep things running. Everything would suddenly stop. No matter your industry. Grangers here for you with professional great supplies, Call Click Ranger dot com or just stop by greater for the ones who get it done. Freestyle Libre Two System no, your Glucose Level and where its headed without finger sticks. Manage your diabetes with more confidence and the way your a one c. Its covered by medicare for those who qualify. 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Tell your doctor if your asthma worsens, headache and sore throat may occur. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection, get back to better breathing and get back to your life. Ask your doctor about the senate. If you cant afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help question can greatly impact your future qualified to do this, especially when it comes to your finances. Are you a certified financial planner, cfp professional professionals are committed to acting in your best interest. Thats why its got to be a c f p good morning, everyone we do beginms. Wow. Love it. Imprint. Com and finds him wow now imprint for certain presents a max original heavens gate tomorrow at 10 on cnn. Please welcome tim meadows. Yeah thats right. That was me tonight. Announcer. Announcing myself. Im also in charge of safeguarding the actual Mark Twain Prize. Until it is presented. And adam, dont worry. Hey, whats up, buddy . I will guard this thing with my life because i know how much it means to you. You might want to check the color on this thing ran. I mean, is this mark twain or Damarcus Twain . Great. Theres so purposes to make adam look good in movies, please welcome Jennifer Aniston and drew barrymore. Theres an old things that success is a truth serum that achieving your goals and being on top will bring out who you truly are. And hollywood that can be a very scary thing. Not like here in washington, where, regardless of their success, everyones just scary. But with adam success has shown what a true gem he is. Yes hes just joyful. Hes silly. Someone who leads with kindness takes care of his friends and who genuinely loves his work. Adam when you and i first met at that diner with my wild punk hair, i mean, we just laughed and we connected. And i knew that we were cinematic soulmates like hepburn and tracy. Ah its so funny. You say that drew ah, because just didnt really last week at our press junket. Didnt someone compare us to bogey . And bacall . Was it . Nicholson may who said that . Anyway, back to adam. Your career has stood the test of time, my friend. I am so grateful that our Chance Meeting at jerrys deli lead us to such an incredible relationship of on screen and off 30 years ago. Yes. Thats nice. Another great thing about my very close. Longtime friend and collaborator, adam. Is that he is so supportive so true. He loves The Morning Show every time it airs first text i get from adam. What that is so sweet. I know because i literally get when every morning when . After my talk show errors. I mean way to go. Drew you really brought out the funny side of evil, longoria. Kerry washington tomorrow. I dont know how he keeps up with all those texts. Im gonna need to see your phone backstage. Remember . When adam gloomy to maui on a whim just to hang out with him and jackie and the kids, but i was in maui with him. When we made one of the many films weve done together 51st dates, which goes 150 million in the movie theaters. Oh i just love that movie when i saw it 20 years ago. Adam and i actually have a movie coming out this month. We did just a few years ago and probably another one. After that fingers crossed, yeah. We never wanted to make sequels. But you guys finally made a good movie together and i say milk gravy train, run it into the ground. Shes just kidding. Shes just kidding. Were just playing. You know what the truth is, he really treats all of this coast are so well well and because adam really cares for us true, i mean , whether its you know where the simple low maintenance type or the really needy, flashy, big present kind of guy. Is are adams okay, look, you know what i im sorry. I dont i have to share something really personal. Right there. Yes come and do that on my show. Thats what we do we share and we have a much younger demo. Thank you for that , but i would really would really like to say it here. With the entire 55 to 64 year old cnn audience watching. About five years ago. I was really down and he wrote a song for me. And he sings it to me every new years eve. And its called no one is a closer friend than you. And thats why this song is so secret. No way. For you to oh, what. Okay to meet meeting. Oh my god. I cant believe it. So hes just playing off. I guess hes just yeah, really, adam, really, and we drag our asses down here to give you this little award. Unbelievable sorry , man. Honestly the year please. I want you to just enjoy your little beheaded Mark Twain Award. Alright mr huckleberry . Yeah im really sorry, jackie. And im really sorry kids, okay . Schneider. Im just always sorry for you. Good evening. Two long Saturday Night Live has failed to enrich the cultural and artistic traditions of this country tonight. All that will change as we present the following special performance by adam sandler. Adam saddler, adam sandler, my hero, adams. Hello god. Here we go. Whats going on out . Dont know what the hell is going on there, who last last last loudest. What gives . What the there are no what youre thinking. Somebody went to supercuts and fell asleep in the chair. Oh okay. Some candy. Translator. Thatd be good for you can do is run fast. Wont run that by me again, pal. Tom here. Second time. Great. Its your vacation. France give someone never freaking chance. I am ready to meet you. Yes youre such a whore. Give your grandmother a bath boy. Give the old lady oh, man. What a job about the time on the show where i lose it scared. I was fired. I was fired. Nbc said that i was done. Then i made over 4 billion at the box. I guess you could say i won. Do you mind . Um, ending this sketch . Like it is guest to end. Yeah, i would. Three eyes. Glad to be here for your brother. And before i start my hilarious stories. I was wondering if you could just turn the Teller Prompter off for a second. I just want to speak from the heart. Just quickly. I wanted to say that um. Turn it back on. I cant think of anything but. Anyway adam has always been a moron. Can you make it bigger . First of all, lets start with adam is very generous guy as weve heard tonight, we all know this. He has hired his whole family tree to work for him. They call sheet looks like ancestry. Com. I first saw adam at the improv wasnt improv. Yeah, i dont know. They wrote this, um the improv on a random night, and his style was so different as you know, and it caught my attention right away. I laughed the whole time, and i just want to be friends with them. So we want to be in friends. Eventually he came to sign it live. That was a few months after i did, and you never know how its going to be there. It can be tough for some people. But the first time you did Weekend Update he completely killed just blew the roof off. I was probably 10 ft. Away watching and i was saying to myself. It its better than me already. Jesus. You know, its amazing the career adam has had if you dont know this 4 billion in movies with this much talent. Its unbelievable. So much with. This much talent. I mean tv movies, records and can you push it this much . Can you get that . This where you can take a paper that much with this. Its very, very commendable on a serious note. Adam sandler just had hip surgery, and thats the first time adam sandler and hip shared a sentence. These ones are for your kids. This is like giving the Nobel Prize In Medicine and dr pepper. Adam sandler. Thousands of stand up shows dozens of movies one haircut. Never been done before or since. Adam start and Billy Madison dresses like billie eilish. Calls himself the sandman i use in a sense, no one whos 56 should still call themselves the sandman. You know, in all seriousness. One time a family member. Passed away and. People were scared to call me they didnt want to say anything. They dont know what to say. And adam called. I didnt answer. He drove over. And, uh, yeah, he came in. He wouldnt he wouldnt leave until i answered. So he whispered to me. Yeah, i got my boy. Boy, yall yall. Oh, depression. And you know what . Its what did i needed to hear at the time . I love you, sandman. Thank you, brother. Let it rain, randi. Thats how you make like it never even happened. Happens pro. What would the ideal Weight Loss Program look like . No hunger, no cravings, no isolation, more energy lasting results and easy is that possible . It is with polo. These people changed their lives with holo without starvation, dieting, whether you have £100 to lose or want to shed those final 20 try galo for 60 days and never diet again. 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Our mission is complete, balanced nutrition together, we provide nutrients to support immune, muscle bone and heart health, 25 vitamins and minerals and ensure complete with 30 g of protein. Dry skin is sensitive skin, too, and its natural treated that way with the Vino Daily Moisture formulated with Nourishing Prebiotic owed. Its clinically proven to moisturize dry skin for 24 hours. A vino Closed Captioning brought to you by meso book. Com. We offer a free book on Mesothelioma Call for the free book and receive so much more call 1 808 31 37 100. Buying. Yeah. How are you people . So. Thats from the movie punch, drunk love. And if you havent seen it yet, thats right. Come on. You havent seen it yet. What the heck you doing at a half tribute . What are you doing . For the great movie the first time. That i work with adam. You know what working with paul Thomas Anderson, who then boogie nights and magnolia, too . Great movies. I said, wow, i think adam going to be out of his league working with this guy, but you know what . Adam created his own league. Working on punch drunk love. He went out of his comfort zone. To do a poor Thomas Anderson movie. Thats not easy and he did it. And we became really good friends. He was so good friends that he called me up one time. Say hey, i got a part for you in a movie. Im doing mr deeds now i wo yeah. Okay . He cut my scene out of the movement. But he gave me residuals. And as he called that reparations. Now have you ever noticed that when Adam Cast His On Screen Interest is opposite. Jennifer aniston. Drew barrymore. Salma hayek. Latifa. So. When it was time to cast his real life wife, jackie. Queen love. Interest who do you think they get . You think they get. Me no man, baby. Okay paul. Jackie im sorry, jackie, but she was asking for like brad pitt. And who did she get . Gomez adams. Get to okay . Jack, you can forgive you for that. I can forgive you for cutting me out of mr deeds is an institution. Im proud of him. Im proud to call my brother, my friend. Thank you keep doing what you do. And do i get residuals for this . Thank you guys. Sandler has been a staple in our lives since we were born. We grew up watching all of his movies and seeing him on snl. And honestly , like as three jewish girls from the valley. We needed someone to look up to. That was like, oh, jews can be cool shoes are cool, and i think the one that really did it for all of us was the Wedding Singer because it involved music. That was the first time ive ever heard. Love stinks. Live c stinks. Yeah love stinks. Theres also somebody killed it, please. Freddie, freddie. And then jon lovitz comes out and goes, hes losing his mind and im reaping the benefits anyway. We like to quote clearly. Yeah i love how were like talking about adam as best friends like literally. Its an honor for us to be here. I cant even believe i get to talk. Were not talking about him as a friend were talking about. Were fans like big think we are his biggest fans who is you know you were going to do that. I knew you were going to do that. Thats bad. Thats bad. I feel like i do a terrible out of salary. Im in dc i feel like i should do some politics. I dont know, you know. Working on our president as we speak, joe, so says very sincere. Come on. Im not kidding around serious, serious. I love when he whispers. I love when hes like my dad used to do that. Adam Sandler Mark Twain prize. Because he did a lot of great movies. Adam okay, this is everyone. I do think that this is true because i was doing very well on the show. When adam showed a Laura Michael said dana, would you just sort of, you know, have a meeting or checking on on sadler, you know, see what hes all about, right . So sandman comes to my Office Looks Like 13 big smile. And i like how you doing . Im adam. How are you . And i go. What are you thinking for the show and this is true. And he bent over and he goes. Im thinking i got a guy that kind of goes about autobot. Ah but you know, it just goes crazy. I go. Yes really good. Wheres that . Wheres it going to go to a go . Sometimes i go a shopper, too. So i went back to lawrence office. I told him what i heard, and i and Lawrence Lawrence said, keep an eye on him. Then i said, i think hes going to be a big star and lawrence said right . Its fun to do this in front of the master. Uh huh. Yeah. We had some fun together. We wont say youre lacking a flash of pepper. Better than you thought. Ah. But this is really a family night. Adams and family man and this is a great event. There will be a parties and everything but eventually adam will be back at the hotel. With jackie. And jackie will look at him with those eyes and say ive never made love to her. Mark twain prize recipient. An animal say. Oh, and jackie will sing. Take me, mark twain, man. Check me my train, hahahaha. Take me, mark twain. Man take me around the clock shaped me mark between man with your mark twain. Where is your mind . Its twain and brain. Theyll make sweet love and adam. Of course, well probably get up before the morning sun. Open the window. At the hotel. Look at the moon and the stars. And i kind of feel like he might sing the sandman song of joy. And it goes like this. Shabba doo. Oh, and man got the twain his friends got on a plane. We never fly any weber. Anybody but sand man. Congratulations, my friend. Great committee in. But a better man. The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor Celebrating adam sandler is presented by wells fargo, presenting sponsor of the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize. Not going with this girl, dad. You seen this . I did it. Fargo helps thousands of students go to college he got in 107 million in scholarships and programming for diverse communities. Dont worry. Ill be back does what it says you can do it. 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But now theres an easier way without bending down or looking for a place to Sit Machine Washable hands free sketcher slip ins. Thank you so much for having me. Im like so honored to be here. Really this is like, kind of ridiculous for me. Um i love you, adam. Youre like my hero. And i mean, like, look at this line up. I feel like were all here for the same reason to remind you how much better snl was in the nineties. Yeah. Adam deserves an award just for being the only rich comedian over 50 who doesnt need us to know what he thinks about trans people. Thank you for that. This joke has been done 15 times, but adam is the voice of a generation of voice that says it sucks when youre watching other people and youre like i cant do that. They took the shaft to dudes. Ill never forget the first time i met adam. I was 18 years old, and i had a general meeting with some of his buddies on the Happy Madison sony lot. Then adam just appeared. Like an angel, and he was wearing a giant t shirt, Basketball Shorts and uggs and im sorry. Excited i was like, oh, my god. And he just looked at me and he went, uh did my wife send you here to make me look fat . I was like, no. Defending his wife that i dont know. No so nervous, and then he just left him and he went. Hey, youre going to be alright, kid. He was wrong. Im not okay. But it was like really nice thing that he said it was so nice and i really needed that so badly in my life and i hold onto that memory, and hes still calls me whether if its like one of my movies, bomb or i get into a car accident or if im rumored to be dating, i spice. Adam sandler is always there to say youre going to be all right. And i love you, adam. Thank you for having me i love the sandlers. And please dont die because then judds gonna make a 50 hour documentary about yourself. I gonna play Guitar A Little Bit for you. Love to 8 30. I love to eat er turkey. Yes i will go back to school. She thinks read when you feel like the only kid in town without a christmas tree. No man will take what my father has built. Unless that man is. Your teeth. Q. Tip your ear take off your sisters new brazil. What else did i forget . Salmon you need tons of ship notebook. My goal. My paying my cross for pocket knife. Oh i got my wife. Actor head like carrie beause e. You see that . Yes. It could be so nice. Green and creamy. Greening. Dream of grinders, hoagies and grinders. Maybe means maybe beans, navy beans, navy beans and grinders, hoagies and grinders. Maybe beans, navy beans. Long sleep, lady lamb. The best of all lights. One day of presents. Hell no, we get the aid. Amazing. Put on your yamakawa comes hanukkah so much fun celebrate hanukkah. Tell your friend veronica. Its time to celebrate hanukkah. I hope i get a harmonica. Lovely lovely hanukkah. So drink your gin and kinda, but dont smoke marijuana. If you really, really happy. Here. Chandler on his 18th birthday. I was in the audience for his First Official Stand Up Performance in 1985 did not go well. I worked with him at Saturday Night Live and have collaborated with him on 31 motion pictures. With a combined Rotten Tomatoes score of 59. You could say that. I know adam pretty well. And yet ive had to sit here and listen to speaker after speaker talk about what a great guy here what a mensch how nice he is. So let me tell you the truth about adam saleh. Hes actually very nice. You know who else is very nice. My mailman. On the mailman aint getting no Mark Twain Prize. So there must be something beyond niceness going on here. And i believe it to be the dirtiest four letter word and show business w. O r k you see during our College Years while the rest of us were doing colleges, things adam was Maniacally Crafting his stand up act first of the little clubs near n y. U finally getting good enough to play the uptown clubs. Comic strip Catch A Rising Star than the improv out in l. A which led to send out live then music albums, writing 30 songs and sketches for 10 track album making Legendary Music producer brooks arthurs few remaining hairs fall out as it did take after take after take until he nailed it. Only a relentless comedic mind if you look at Hanukkah Lunch Ladies and a red Hooded Sweatshirt and say, i think theres a song there. And, of course, acting. 30 years of rewrite after rewrite, take after take edit after edit did he have any help . Absolutely. Some have said genius level help. But. But adam is the mastermind behind all these movies, and he somehow makes hundreds of hours of work look like going on vacation with his friends. But if we sat and watched the whole totality of it zohan, the buffoon, canteen boy, pedro, donny berger, audience guy happy gilmore, Bobby Boucher , jack jill, the guy from click the talking goat. Hubie dubois, the stud boy, robbie hart, cajun man count dracula longfellow deeds. Steve pollock, annapolis , the herlihy boy, Billy Madison polyp factor. Sandy wexler, Stanley Sugarman and crazy spoon head. Yeah. We would see the end. Result of all that work that 80 hours has brought actual joy to millions and millions of people. Its been my honor to be a part of it. Congrats, buddy. Thank you. I just love talking to the guy. Im known him so long. And you know we knew each other. You know, like when we were broke. We made me and sally used to make like seven bucks a night. Could i imagine any of this . No. I mean, where do we are hoping for it, but we didnt you know. But not was like none of us thought we were as good as any. Murphy was basically the standard of excellence. Your paint is really bad coffee ive ever had. Thank you bear. Sorry side, where i said, shouldve used bear. Its got one code hide. Today lets paint with bear the number one rated paint only at the home depot. Having diabetes can raise a lot of questions like my morning ride. 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I watched my mother go through being a single mom. At the end of the day, my mom raised three children, including myself. And so once a client knew that she was heard, we were able to help her move forward. Your client wont care how much you know until they know how much you care. Nations. Interesting piece. Let me bring in my expert. Mm so many scratches. Those are from my car keys. Such a rich history. This wont do well at auction, but at a t and t its worth a brand new Samsung Galaxy s 23. Really what about this deal is bad. Everyone gets a free new Samsung Galaxy s 23 with the galaxy phone training any year, any condition . Im eva longoria and im following my mayan ancestry to the yucatan. Dont understand how excited i am to finally eat fish on a that ship station one choice of Online Sellers go to ship Station Dot Com slash try and get two months free. Cnn presents a max original heavens gate tomorrow at 10 on cnn. Thanks to netflix. Hes richer than most of us here tonight, please welcome chris rock. Start. Paul pelosi, the only guy that knows how i felt right. Its me. Just me and you, babe. Alright. So i met sandler. Heres the weird thing. I went to school in the seventies i was 1972. I was bussed to school, right . And i was like the only black kid in my school. I was only me and two other black girls. It was just us and brooklyn. And uh, you know, it was it wasnt selma. But wasnt selma, but it was like boston. From boston, right . Now how many times do you think a kid asked me to hang out at his house . Once once and like 16 years, david moskowitz. The jews, nice people. Nice people. So i. Met sailor at the comic strip. Heres the thing about the comic strip. I started before sandler and it takes about two years to get a weekend spot. You know . So you still like, you know, stack chairs and mop floors and i do my little spots and at very late and it took forever took me two years to get a weakened spot. The comic strip. One year. Im gone for about 10 days. Eddie murphy saw me at the club flew me to l a. Im going for two weeks, right . Come back on a saturday night. And who do i see on stage . Adam sandler. Ive never seen him before in my life , and were like, kind of the same age and hes on a weekend and im like, is this guy . That he gets a weekend spot so fast, right . So i was supposed to hate them. And im watching him and he does. This joke about wilt chamberlain. Wilt chamberlain once scored 100 points in the game. And sailor. Does this joke and goes . Ah heres my impression. Uh the coach of the other team. Whos got will. So im watching this like the funniest joke in the world. Im like im laughing so hard. And i was like, god it this guy is good. And right away all that jealousy and hate and whatever, just like washed away. It was just like ok, and he comes off stage. We meet this first time we met. Then he watches my set. And i did okay. And then the greatest thing in the world to the guy who no one wanted to play with. Adam goes. Hey were going over to my dorm. You wanna hang and hes been letting me hang ever since. And i love the guy because he you know jews gotta gotta love it. Go. Thats my guy. That study has been my god, ive known this guy for 30 years and you know your kids are here. The oscars are you know theyre. And they dont want to give my man his props. We will tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome jackie said. Thank you so much for being here to celebrate, and, um it means everything to him to look out and see all of our families and friends faces. Adam and i met 1998 at our friends birthday party. He had very long hair and very long sideburns, and it was working on a movie he kept referring to as a cinematic masterpiece. Called the waterboy. For us, it was Love At First Sight and instant attraction. Magnetic hearts. He was wearing glasses with this beautiful, smiling eyes underneath. The softest, sweetest cheeks and the cutest smile and a perfect nose. Our eyes locked and we knew we would always be together. It would be me and you and you and me. We would sit on stairs in different parts of l, a eating corned beef sandwiches and Holding Hands for hours. I love those hands. I knew i would hold on to those hands for a lifetime. Those New Hampshire hands would pick me up the first time i tried skiing, those hands would grab the Steering Wheel of his new Saline Mustang to rush me off to the hospital to deliver sadie and then sonny are to california babies. Those hands would show the girls how to play piano and different chords on the guitar. Those hands would hold the girls bike seats as he ran alongside trying to teach them how to ride. Until his back gave out. Then those hands would dial jim the Bike Whisperer and hire him to run with the kids who successfully taught them to rye. The kids jumped off their bikes and hug jim and i said girls. Go hug your father. He did pay for the lessons. And yes, he is just as funny in real life as he is in the movies. Hes almost exactly the same as he is on screen, except he eats more. Sleeps more and yells a lot more. And its just as great in bed as you all have already imagined for some. Adam. Whether youre awake or not, its always fantastic. For the last 25 years , adam has snuggled up to me in bed close to midnight and whispered, those sweet words. Want to go to a comedy club and watch me try out some jokes. When adam goes on stage, he makes up weird lies about our sex life. Our dog sex life. And his poor mothers sex life. But with all the different characters and parties played his favorite role, yet has been pa of dad. Sadie and sunny , sunny and sadie, and so many memories will be recalling forever. Almost every movie shoot. We have traveled and lived in a new location because we cant stand being apart. Family comes first. Thats definitely our way. Adam youre giving spirit and your loyalty is as legendary as your comedy. Music lives within you. There is no place you are more comfortable than on a movie set with your friends or behind a microphone or in a studio while eating eggs with ketchup. But the thing i am the most proud of you for is you not reacting when your teenage daughters come down the stairs wearing tight leggings and a third of a shirt. Thats by far will always be your best acting performance. Toph love, you know. Nay, enjoy your night. I would say the following about adam sandler. Is among. The men. She is human beings youll ever meet in your life. It means like a genuinely good person. That is adam. Hes just he loves and despite the fact that his face turns red, and hell say things in a voice similar to a toddler , theres something about him. That really is. Very sweet. I thank you, man from the bottom of my heart. You tend to move through the world. Just expressing love and joy man. Couldnt get into a better guy. Man couldnt happen to a better guy. We thank you. He actually he got me. He taught me how to make a fool of myself as a way of life. I learned it from adam sandler. Adam always has worried about Everyone Wants to take care of everyone and hows everybody doing and he can feel the room very quickly. Yeah yeah. You guys are still going okay . Youre drunk. You know, im drunk man, not breed. Different ah, later, guys. All right out here, okay . Okay . Well i dont know if you have done as well if he hadnt been a jew. Oh, god. The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor Celebrating adam sandler is presented by wells fargo, presenting sponsor of the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize. Or did they discuss. Wells fargo has donated 50 million in support of indigenous peoples. Including funding solar furnaces. That converts sunlight coming to the warm house. 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These welcome Rob Schneider. I am honored to be here with all of Adam Sandlers friends and pete davidson. Adam loves the song. And he shows his love by making us laugh. Sharing his tremendous success with his family and the ones he loves his friends. You know, people ask me. You know why it is adam put me and so many movies, and its because he wants to laugh. Share his tremendous success. With his friends. Plus i will do the really humiliating ship that he wont do. Once we escaped his crazy fame, and we flew to hawaii, and we went to the far side of the island and at some private house, you know, and immediately we got really paranoid that we were going to get murdered and no one would find our body for weeks. There was some guy working in the backyard on the building at one in the morning, and he was wearing flip flops and a tank top and short shorts, which like is official hawaiian maintenance gear. Anyway we said hi, and he turned around and he had this one milky eye. And adam said to me just like that, he said, youre gonna play him in a movie. Do he meant it . I knew it, you know, and i swear to god, it was like 12. Months later, im wearing flip flops, short shorts and one milky i, you know, like this one. My good eye. Think about adams most rewarding being his friend and being able to like someone whos youve been so kind enough to share your success with me is to see the impact of what it means for people because comedy and laughter its like music, and its like really good music, and its like really good food. It has an emotional memory attached to it when you make somebody laugh like adam has done, you make them laugh with your family. With your kids and your grandparents remember that forever, and thats why youre so loved. Anyway i love your brother, and theres no other way for me to end this, but this way, but theyre good friend dan. Paula how much you 33 years ago before we got on Saturday Night Live. I was making copies when the cajun man arrived. Its been quite an inspiration. Growing old with you. You put me in, like 25 movies . How about we do 50 more . To get even closer to you. Im gonna move in next door. Watch you drink your coffee through binoculars as i grow old with you. Youve made some great flicks you rule netflix. You make people laugh like this. Nothing to it. You play weirdos. You grew a beard 02 hydrogen. If you ever need a boost, you know, ill tell you, you can do it. You wrote the Hanukkah Song Celebration of the jews. You bite your tongue whenever i Say Something crazy on fox news. Ill try not to get you in too much trouble, but no promises grown with you. You sing funny songs for us make me say hippopotamus. Youve made movies for 30 years, man. What incredible endurance. You do dramas. You love your mama. Your or why the half the people here have their sag health insurance. Ah its true. Youve got two beautiful daughters and a wonderful wife. I know big standards looking after you every day of your life. I love you like a brother. Thanks for growing old with me. Thats why we went to all this fuss to say. Came thanks, folks growing. Please welcome the chairman of the china Kennedy Center for the performing arts, david rubenstein. For over three decades on stage on saturday night, live in Tv Appearances and in the songs and his movies. Adam sandler has used his humor, his jokes and his comedy is simply put bring us joy. He breaks down barriers between us and in so many ways in so many formats on so many stages, is invited us into his comedy world and made us feel part of his family. Some of the greatest artist in the world came here for one reason and one reason alone to pay tribute to an artist. They respect they admire. They love and who does to them. What he does to us makes them laugh. And im so glad they joined us, as the Kennedy Center is proud to present adam sandler with the nations highest comedic award that kenny center Mark Twain Prize. Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you. Okay . Thank you. That was this is a nice feeling, and thank you. I love you. And i appreciate it. So here we go. Hello. My name is adams handler. And i am 28 23. Mark twain Humor Prayers Award Recipient for greatness in american funny and bringing the thunderous Belly Laughter this week. People of planet earth can i get a hell yeah. To all my amazing buddies who spoke earlier tonight. Thank you from the deepest part of my heart. The whole time i was listening to you. I was filled with gratitude that the original people that Kennedy Center asked to come couldnt make it. You can see in half been pacino all had prior dinner reservation. That they could not canceled. And as you guys babbled on and on about me, i couldnt help but think the hell would ratings in talent. You guys are my real friends. To my family, who all flew in from New Hampshire and florida to watch me get this award. Yes i will pay for your hotel rooms. But you gotta pay for your own incidentals mother. How many pistachios can one woman e. Im kidding. I love you along, going to drop the voice and tell some try to speak normal and i feel bad. Ive been making jokes about my mother mother for many years, but she is a great lady. And im sorry if any of them ever hurt your feelings, mom. Alright, so, honestly, ive had an amazing li. Ill tell you. What kind of led me to this night. Um i come from a great family suite. Beautiful funny, incredible, caring, loving mother who played me. Barbra streisand. Johnny mathis. I had as cool as it gets. Badass funny ponytail. Dad who sang me johnny cash and johnny ray and he showed me the Marx Brothers jerry lewis. Jackie gleason. Whenever they were on, he called me into the room and growing up. My parents literally did everything they could. Give me crazy confidence that literally everything i did. School sports singing, joking. They acted like i was the best at all those things even though other kids were way better than me. Um my sisters, elizabeth and valerie. They included me and everything they did. They would always tell me to sing tell stories. Theyd go to all my games. They root for me. Theyd even take me on dates with their boyfriends. Uh they just always made me feel like i was the star of the family. Older brother scott. I shared a bedroom with him my whole childhood. And he was always nice to me. Hes always calm with me. And he would just tell me im funny all the time. He say i was great on the guitar. Tell me i could sing as good as as steven tyler. Tired told me to read mad magazine, and wed watch benny hill together when it came time to pick my college major. So my brother was the one who said i should be an actor. I said, what should i do with my life . He said. You should be an actor. Youre as funny as Rodney Dangerfield and eddie murphy. And i never thought that but he sort of he just made me feel like i was. He is the one who brought me to boston when i was 17 years old. I was a senior in high school, and he brought me to do a Stand Up Comedy at stitches comedy club. He said it all up. Uh he says, youre going to get on stage for you have five minutes to do jokes. What are you going to say . I said, im not sure ill just wing it because i really didnt even i had no idea what the hell you know youre supposed to prepare. So i went up there. I was terrible. I dont i dont even know what i said. I was like in a fog. Those weird fogs you get when youre a stand up sometimes when you lose your mind, i just kind of i was babbling. I remember one guy screaming out. Hes still has a retainer. Anyways, i left. For some reason on the way home. My brother made me feel like i had the best set of any comedian that night. He was like, you just got to prepare next time, but they loved you. And in my head i was like they did, but and then i went to n y u and first guy meat is the great tim herlihy. He was my roommate, and i asked him what do you want to do with your life . Hes he said. I want to be a billionaire and i said, and he goes. How about you . I said, i want to be a comedian, he said. Cool. And then he asked me. What are some of your jokes, and i said, i dont have any jokes. Ah and then he went to poughkeepsie to see his family came back and he handed me, uh, three yellow pieces of paper with jokes on him. He just did it on his own gave me these jokes. Thats when we like, became a team and started trying to kick ass together and all my buddies my buddy eric lamonsoff, four i grew up with and the guys from my dorm. Jack garrett pudo frank karachi, allen colbert, who i met in my history comedy class. We just all got very tight with each other and comedy just became our obsession. And colin quinn, whos great comedian and i was he used to host a show at a place called the paper moon in Greenwich Village, and they used to book me all the time. And it was it wasnt due to my talent, but they knew when i showed up, so did at least 30 n y u students from my dorm, so they were like, lets hire that guy. But i really i had no idea i was being used because again, the confidence thing made me think. Wow. Is these Greenwich Village comedy clubs. They get it. Im going to be a sensation. Uh, then i graduated college. But friedman he saw me cash arising. Sorry told me i should move out to l a. And he said he would put me up at the improv. I told my dad should i go out there should i move out there . He said. Well, bud friedman said, you should come out and you gotta go out there. That guy knows what hes talking about. So next thing i know im living. Would judd apatow writing away laughing all the time had the best time together. Dennis miller saw me told Lauren Michaels about me. Then with the help of my manager , sandy wernick, nudging lauren. They hired me. I ended up on snl with all my buddies. Ah, every one of these my castmates became my best friends. We all had each others backs immediately. Lots of lots of the cast mates and lots of the writers i got to know seem to have that same kind of confidence about themselves. I had some like a weird comedy confidence that we thought we knew what was funny and the world needed to see it. Me and hurley. He started writing Billy Madison over the facts. And bob simmons, who produced airheads. He read the script, he said you were really want to make that movie. I can get it done for you. We were like, yeah, absolutely. And bob did that for us, and then we really started getting cooking. We just we started writing all our stuff and producing and directing and editing and were very hands on and it became like an addiction. And we knew the vies. We worship growing up and quoted growing up, and we kind of wanted to attempt to do stuff like that for the next generation and having a kid come up to you and say they like the line from your movie or one of the comedy albums or Something Like that. That literally was the best feeling i could ever get until on until one night. And that night was will always be my favorite night of my life. So Stephen Dorff i was having a birthday party. My agent and buddy adam bennett said to me, lets go. I go. I said at the table, my buddy dallas introduces me to that woman over there. And from from that moment on, i just couldnt keep my eyes off her. She was sweet. She was gorgeous. Nice as it gets, and as luck would have it. She also had a habit of telling me i was great at everything. My jokes were grating. My ship said. I have good hair said i, my cheeks smell good. Everything i did in her eyes. I was the best thats thats at least how she made me feel then. Thank you. Thank you. And then. Along came to of the true best things, baby showing up sadie and sunny and then a lot of our lives. Most pride and joy that jackie and i could ever feel the life changes when they speak. Were we the laugh, tear up or just stare at him in amazement . Every conversation we have every day, every night, every drive every meal, every smile every hang we have. Im only wishing time will stand still because being with youtube and mommy. Thats the best life can get. And they look like their mama and theyre smart like their mama. And they also give me confidence every year on my birthday to buy bio me t shirts that say worlds best fighter. And i dont even fart that much. But i think its fun. So anyways, in summary, my careers been tremendous. I nothing has let me down. I do work my ass off. Its fun. I wake up early. Its fun. I stay up late. Its fun. I go on locations. If i bring the family, its fun. Every one in this room tonight has made my life fun. People always would ask me. Those bad reviews you get. How does that make you feel . Thank you for your like ship and id say not a really doesnt i think the reason i get to say that didnt hurt me because so many of you guys in this room ma me feel great. About what . What weve done together and all my fellow comedians, actors, writers, collaborators, crew members, people on the streets, my family, my kids, my forever girl, jackie all make me feel like the critics didnt know what they what the hell they were talking about. So thank you for all that. Thank you. Thank you for creating a delusional psychotic man. Who is now the proud owner of the 2023 Mark Twain Award for athleticism. Mass. Sexual powers. Guitar virtuosity and best cheeks smell. Good night. Keep lying to yourselves. Everybody and god bless america. Thank you so much