And gentlemen. Welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us. cheers and applause folks, if you watch the other news channels and i hope you dont you know theres only one lead story today and that is the racist comments of l. A. Clippers owner and darth vader with his helmet off, Donald Sterling. laughter weve all heard what he said, and if you havent heard, youre a racist. laughter but just to refresh our outrage, sterling and his wife are suing his exmistress to recover 1. 8 million sterling gave her. Coincidentally, a recording was mysteriously released of sterling lecturing his mistress about her friends. It bothers me a lot if you want to broadcast that youre associating with black people. Do you have to . Why publicize it on the instagram . Why bring the black peoples to the game . How about your whole life, every day. You could do whatever you want. You could sleep with them, you could bring them in, you could do whatever you want. The little i ask you is not to promote it on and not to bring them to my games. Stephen black people cant attend his games. booing i couldnt have said that better myself. laughter folks, i am shocked that sterling would perpetuate the cruel stereotype that white people are genetically superior at basketball spectating. Oh, let me guess, because our musculoskeletal structure makes it easier for us to pump cheese. That is racist. And everyone has expressed outrage, folk. Even the clippers players made a statement. The clippers players, they say is a silent protest, dump, the warmup uniforms on center court and wearing their jerseys inside out concealing the clippers logo. Stephen they concealed the beloved logo of the clippers which we all know is. laughter i want to say a guy getting a haircut or oh, a tow nail clipper with googly eyes. But, folks, as a lifelong believer in looking not racist, i i will not be outoutraged. So i hereby condemn Donald Sterling not only for his racist comments but for that last thing he said to his mistress about her black friends. How about your whole life, every day, you could do whatever you want. You could sleep with them. You could bring them in. You could do whatever you want. Stephen you could sleep with him . Im sorry, but whatever happened to the sanctity of traditional infidelity . laughter i mean, it is one man, one mistress, 1. 8 million. And sterling should know better because he is an old hand at adultery. Well, hes an old everything. But heres an actual transcript of his testimony from a 2003 legal dispute with a previous mistress. Sterling well, i fool around sometimes. I do. When a girl seduces me and tells me all of these hot stories and dirty things and tells me how much she wants to suck on me and take my shoes off and lick my feet and touches. When im in a limousine, she takes off all her clothes, the limo driver said, what is going on . And she started sucking on me on the way to mr. Koons house, and i thank her i thank her for making me feel good. Lawyer sir, the question was, is this your handwriting . laughter applause cheers bad boybag boys of america, nevk this man paper or plastic . Today, n. B. A. Commissioner and carbohydratefree life form adam silver announced sterlings just punishment. Effective immediately, i am banning mr. Sterling for life from any association with the Clippers Organization or the n. B. A. Stephen banned for life. Who knows how many months that might be . laughter but if this man if this man still wants to own a team, i believe he should be consistent and start his own allwhite league. laughter the games will be just as exciting. He passes. And he passes back. And and and he dribbles. And and and he passes . And hoe pints. And he dribbles and he points and he waves. And, and, and he passes. And he dribbles and he passes. And he passes back. And he passes. And he passes back. And he shoots. And the allwhite crowd is loving it. cheers and applause . Ive got to work on my twohanded bounceback. Nation, you know, i believe honesty is the best policy, but a close second is lying about how honest you are. This is tip of the hat, wag of the finger. cheers and applause . First up on tipwag, i am a huge fan of star wars. I saw the original movie when i was 13, and let me tell you, princess leias firm, high buns stirred something in me. So when i heard they were making a new starmovie lets just say i was the one to shoot first. So star laughter applause so far cheers those are starfans. So far we know that mark hamill, carrie fisher, and Harrison Ford are all confirmed to be in the new movie which i believe will be titled episode 7 a new hip. Now, some super fans out there are a little skittish about the relaunch but the director is my good friend j. J. Abrams, who just released this photo of the very first table read of the new movie. It is so cool to get a glimpse behind the scenes. Which is why im giving a wag of my finger to j. J. Abrams for blowing it. I mean, look at this photo. Everything is wrong. Where are the creature designs . Every single character is humanoid with two arms and two legs. And those are clearly not canons. Theyre tatooine battle couches. They should be dantooine attack soaf as. This they ever heard of the hal condatabase . I dont think so. Oh, but stephen, im sure hed say, its just one photo. Cry me a farm. Next up, folks, i make no secret of my love of Ronald Wilson reagan. My dogs name is gipper. My pool is shaped like a jellybean and i keep a sledgehammer in my trunk so at a moments notice i can tear down that wall. My apologies once again to the san diego zoo. Im sure eventually you will find those leopards. Folks, i have long said reagan does not get enough praise. Yes, washington, d. C. s airport is named after him but he has to share that honor with president national. So i was delighted to see this. The first item for consideration is hr4017 to designate a peak located in nevada as mount reagan. This would designate one of the peaks of near las vegas as mount reagan. Stephen that, of course, is coming to you hot and hard from National Committee on resources from cpan. Im going to give a tip of my hat to the u. S. Congress for giving reagan his own mount and i know what a majestic geologic formation it is. Nation, behold mount reagan. Lo how she soars 1,900 feet above the dirt. This brown mountains majesty is crowned with an offlimits substation. All other president ial peaks bow down before ye, nownt reagan. Mount mckinley. If this mountain doesnt seem impressive to you now, just give people sthirt years to forget what its really like and it will seem like the greatest mountain of all time. Well be right back. cheers and applause so you can get cash back on all your purchases. So you can use your cash back. To follow your dream. So you. Can save the day. Chase freedom. So you can. Pizza hut already makes great pizzas. But now theyre delivering awardwinning wingstreet wings. Me to put them to the test, with some real wing experts pub trivia teams. Delicious. These are great fantastic. Really good. You gonna give my man one or are ya gonna box him out here . Get 8 boneout wings r 5 bucks. Wingstreet from pizza hut you got mommy a mothers day whpresent . T . Oh, i totally agree. She is the best mommy ever. Get a free bracelet or charm at kay with any charmed memories purchase of ninetynine ninetynine or more. Every kiss begins with kay. Brewed for more this ispirited nights. Tune. Its undistilled, yet it has a smooth clean finish. You might choose a regular beer, but then you might get a regular night. Miller fortune. Your fortune awaits. The expedia app helps you save with mobileexclusive deals download the expedia app text expedia to 75309 expedia, find yours cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, you know, i dont think its any secret out there that i am tough on crime. But our criminalcoddling president does not share my taste for unyielding justice. laughter his latest move makes meantime to turn in my badge it that i made for myself. Jim. Thousands of convicted drug offenders could be walking free soon thanks to the obama administrations sweeping new plan for clemency. The Justice Department formally announced the new criteria today as part of an after the to shrink the prison population. Deputy attorney general james cole said its aimed primarily at drug offenders given harsh penalties under old sentencing guidelines. The president could grant clemency to hundreds perhaps thousands of people. Stephen hundreds, perhaps thousands of people . Thats like emptying three prison cells. laughter and why are we being subjected to this jailhouse crock . Its all laughter its all part of a comprehensive effort to roll back longmandatory minimum sentences meeted out after the crackfueled crime wave of the 80s. Oh, great now these 80s thugs will be out on the street in their onestrap overalls seeking revenge against mcgruff the crime dog. You know this is a bad idea, folks, because president obama got it from the only people less trusted than convicts congress. You see, back in 2010 Congress Passes the socalled fair sentencing act to reduce the 1001 disparity for sentences for crack cocaine and those for powdered cocaine. Huge mistake, folks. They may be the same drug but there was something about crack offenders that just made them seem more. Convictable. laughter somewhere on my i dont know what. We all know theres a sinister motive behind applying the law equally. More get out of jail free cards from president obama. Is it compassion or clever politics . Hes aware midterms are coming up and its a way to amp up his base. Because its 2014 my political mind starts to wonder, why are they talking about this now . Again, is this a National Priority . I cant help but think its all to rally the stephen thats right, obama is clearly rallying want liberal base by releasing drug dealers. Its totally unfair. Republicans cant rally their supporters that way. There are no bankers in jail to release. cheers and applause . And a lot of banker fans here tonight, too. laughter and break out the vegan champagne, lefties. Because it couldnt be easier for these hoodlums to get out. Convicts must be serving a sentence under old law that is greater than required under current law. Convicted of nonvice president crimes without links to organized crime. Have served at least 10 years. Have no other significant criminal history. Good prison records and no history of violence. Stephen oh, sure, they may not have i history of violence but what. A future of violence . Because if id been thrown in jail for possession of marijuana then got out 10 years later and found out pot is legal now. laughter im pretty sure id shoot someone. laughter applause well be right back. Bacardi family. The fire of 1880 couldnt stop us. Nor did prohibition in the 1920s. Or exile from our home country in the 60s. The bacardi family didnt just survive, we thrived. Because true passion cant be tamed. Well pay your early termination fees. So you can get the new galaxy s5 for 0 down. People eatin favorites with a girl or a guy. We got a random red couch, pull up a seat. You dont want to be the one with nothing to eat. We got a random red couch, flabbergast your friends. With a mcdonalds bag that never ends. Mcchicken, mcdouble, beef and cheese galore. Now thats the flavor of dollar menu and more, on a random red couch. Pepsi wild cherry. Explosively cherry. Which will cause me to miss the end of the game. The x1 entertainment operating system lets your watch live tv anywhere. Can i watch it in Butterfly Valley . Sure. Can i watch it in glimmering lake . Yep. Here, too. What about the dark castle . You call that defense . come on [ female announcer ] watch live tv anywhere. The x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is the director of spy kids and from dusk till dawn. Ill talk to him from 11 53 to 11 59. Please welcome robert rodriguez. cheers and applause . Mr. Rodriguez, thank you so much for coming on. How you doing . Stephen now, Everybody Knows youre the writer, director, producer, editor, choreographer sometimes cook. Stephen sometimes cook . All right. Are you a good cook . All right . Youve been making movies for over 20 years. Elmariachi your first movie. 7,000 to make that movie . Thats a lot when youre a college kid. Stephen i know. How did you get 7,000 as a college kid gisold my body to science. Stephen really. Were you a blood donor . I was a lab rat. They took a bunch out of my arm, cut it out at the end and i got 2,000 in seven days. Stephen did the speed healer work . No. Stephen i was hoping you could be to be wolverine now. It never came out on the market so i dont think they perfected it. Stephen everybody know knows you from from dusk till dawn, and spy kids. Youve now got your own cable tv new york called el ray. El ray. Okay. I find it and you threatening. laughter . I understand. Stephen because youre not i mean, youre a Mexican American but youre not from mexico. Youre from texas. Right, im from texas. U. S. Hispanic. Stephen youre u. S. Hispanic. But we come in peace and we have you surrendered. cheers and applause . Stephen the thing is i dont cowt that people will watch this, and thats what worries me is because, a, its not in is it in english . It is in english, actually. Stephen then why isnt the name english . El ray is not english. I called it el ray because el ray means the captain. Everybody who watches it feels like king. Everything you want is there. The program is in english. I have five kids and i realized they didnt have anything that represented them in this country. It is also mainstream so anyone can watch it. You dont think of spy kids as being hispanic films. Stephen i do. Because i know you directed them, thats why. Most people wouldnt know that. Theyd watch it because its popular entertainment. And i thought the network shouldnt same way but for those who are, diversity is really key at the network, and i think thats important. When we did the research, we found there were about 110 englishlanguage networks in the u. S. About 10 were african american. But the largest minority is hispanic, and there wasnt one like this. I decided to go and make one. Stephen what language are the dog channels in . I dont even they understand. But the advertising is really interesting. Stephen have you thought of starting a dog channel in chihuahua . What what upset me is i think its going to be successful. In 20 years or something, hispanic will be majority in the United States . Were 1 in 6 right now. And it will probably be 1 in 3 by 2050. So i figured it was about time to have a network diverse enough to include a lot of voices. It was very hard to break into the industry, seeing looking at your audience how diverse they are, for them have to have a voice. Stephen how many are of hispanic origin . cheers thats almost three of them. How dare you, sir. How many of are you of a diverse background . cheers and applause thats a bakers dozen right there. So let me ask you about some of the programming here. The new your first original drama is from dusk till dawn. The series, it premiered in march. Thats based on your own movie. Yes. Stephen okay, how hard did you negotiate with yourself to get the rights to that . It was like, robert, what do you think . . Stephen lets take a clip of the first episode. Shes real. Shes real. Stephen how much of the series is just that . Its that over and over again . I think might have a hit on your hand. You can just watch that over and over again. Stephen is this going to be the beginning of an empire for you . Are you going to be the hispanic oprah . laughter that was the original goal. But i think now its kind of really wanted to create a place for other people to be able to come and be a part of this network. I really wanted to provide a platform for people i call it the peoples network, so people have a voice. Stephen its all people. You dont have to be hispanic, right . Not at all. Stephen speaking of exploding hispanic demographics, youre one of 10 children. I am. Stephen im one of 11 children. Wow. Its not a contest but im winning. Would you like to race me in how fast you can say your brothers and sisters and i can say mine . All right, all right . One, two, three, and then well go. One, two, three, and then we go. We dont go on three. Okay. And then you go from oldest to youngest . I might beat you. Stephen you wont. Ready, one, two, three. Jimmy, eddie,. cheers and applause robert rodriguez, thank you so much. El ray network. cheers and applause well be right back. Pizza hut already makes great pizzas. But now theyre delivering awardwinning wingstreet wings. Time to put them to the test, with some real wing experts rec League Softball teams what you think . These are delicious thats good its got spicy and flavor to em. Imma get one more. Get 8 boneout wings for 5 bucks. Wingstreet from pizza hut the original 96 calorie pilsner and that changed everything this led to people counting calories which led to counting carbs which led to counting crunches which led to 8 minute abs which led to 7 minute abs which led to ab masters thigh masters and butt masters which led to the realization that the best place to get a 6 pack is the liquor store miller lite we invented lite beer and the perfect six pack youre welcome its a place youve been before, but its not on any map. So go out there, lose yourself, and find the truth. Were all born wild. Lets keep it that way. The 2014 4runner. Toyota. Lets go places. cheers and applause . Stephen thats it for the report, everybody. Good night. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is dale dill with jon stewart. The daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Good one tonight. My guest author William Cohan to talk about the duke lacrosse scannedel, the price of silence. It costs 3. 99. Thats right. Theres breaking news in the case of l. A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling. He has come under fire for his thoughts on the instagramability of i guess you could call it girlfriend black person friendship. Effective immediately, i am banning mr. Sterling for life. [cheers and applause] jon yes from any association with the Clippers Organization or the nba. [cheers and applause]