S on me. Jon thats our show here it is. Your moment of zen. Im not going to tell you what it is tonight. One of the problems we have arguing . We need all the help we can get. Ill explain. If i win i dont want the enemy to know what im doin captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org larry tonightly, cbs launches a reality show pitting poor people against other poor people. Its called the briefcase, because the name hunger games was already taken. laughter applause the United States asks some hard questions to fifa, the Organization Behind the worldcup. Questions like whats a world cup . laughter applause we ask the question, when is it okay to take a breastfeeding selfie . The answer is always and how do i find you on the gram . Lace up your cleats and pull out your teats this is the nightly show captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause larry thank you very much welcome to nightly show. Such a great audience tonight. Im larry wilmore. Weve got a great show for you tonight. The hilarious stars of broad city Abbi Jacobson and glaze here tonight. They are in the house very funny. Tonight, so excited, were going to talk about soccer. Yeah yeah, hockey that ballkicking game, and hopefully something scores in 90 minutes. applause all right so why am i talking about soccer . The u. S. Justice deparment unsealed the massive 47count indictment on wednesday, charging 14 soccer officials and Sports Marketing executives across the world with accepting bribes of more than 150 million. cheers and applause larry 150 million in bribes . Funyun only give me 40. I havent had funyuns in a while. applause the same speech by the governing body of world soccer was concerning the host city based on the highest bidder. There have been suspicious for years that there have been shading deals. Fifa dogged by controversy in the past. Larry human rights i have lailingses like forcing people to play soccer in can tar. Catar. The average temperature is 350 degrees. What was your second choice, oven roasting a chicken . The timing was interesting as it comes on the eve of the latest election for fifa president sepp blatter. Thats right. Thats the guys name, sepp blatter. Which is kind of weird because ive got a little corruption in my sepp blatter. applause so with all this scandal on him, im guessing mr. Blatter is going to be looking for a new job . Fifas incumbent president sepp blatter regarded as one of the most powerful men in sport is expected to be elected to a fifth term. Larry now that is being dedicated to corruption. laughter all right, here to shed some more light on the controversy please welcome an International Soccer ball. Thanks for being here, soccer ball. Thanks for having me, larry. Larry you are international. You know, i have to admit most americans dont know much about soccer. I mean we hear that youre fun put were just not that in to you. Youre like the Mindy Project of sport. Audience oooooh please, call me football, larry because thats what i am. Larry ill call you soccer. So what is your reaction to all these corruption charges . Does it give your sport a black eye . I think its fantastic, larry. Were finally getting the respect we deserve. Larry wait, respect . Yeah, americans think about soccer what what what, once every four years when the world cup comes around. These corruption allegations were talked about on morning joe, larry were talking about soccer larry thats true. I hadnt thought. That. Very good point. You dont mind the corruption because its giving you some attention . No, its old. You know what else is going to give us attention playing in one of the hottest places on earth. Qatar. Do you know how much attention that will be . Its like playing super bowl in the south pole. You have to get your corruption cards right. Larry i guess i get your point. Keep the sacred super bowl out of your mouth, you filthy eurotrash ball. If i hit nut numbers with it. The master orator has arrived. You believe this guy, larry you know nothing about scandal. The nfl can teach lessons in scandal. Larry you know, hes right. I mean theyve got domestic abuse, child abuse abuse abuse. Thank you, larry. U. S. A. u. S. A. u. S. A. larry no, guys, thats nothing to be proud of. You want corruption, three word deflategate. cheers and applause . Larry im not sure thats three words jiecialg oh,. Put a cork in it. Fifa has been entrenched in global corruption for 44 years. Deflated. I was deprived of oxygen. They stuck a need nel me. A needle they stick needles in all of us, you idiot. And you could use a little less oxygen. Look at you all fat in the middle. No wonder americans love you. Larry hold ohold on hold on i said it larry come oamericans arent that over well, what were you going to say . Look, at least our football is played with our feet unlike these concussed aired heads. Stop it. All right look, you have corruption. We have our corruption but the reason were better is because we keep playing like nothing ever happened. Thats what makes us superior. That and we dont use your stupid metric system oh oh applause . Oh that, that, that really stings mate. Im just going to lie here and writhe im just kidding. It doesnt bother me at all. I was flopping. Larry you know both of you should be embarrassed about the corruption in your sports . Not at all. Soccer is a multibilliondollar juggernaut larry. Why dont you just be naut . Its football. Larry youre both equally wonderful sport, worthy of respect, and filled with corruption. Thank you, larry. Thank you. Larry youre welcome. Well be right back. cheers and applause every coconut has a dream. To come out of its shell. To show all the world its true, inner beauty. And then, in an ironic twist get covered up by chocolate and almonds. Almond joy mounds. What every coconut wants. What brand of makeup. Is better for your skin. Than wearing no makeup at all . Neutrogena cosmetics. Foundations,. Powders. And concealers with skin enhancing vitamins. And antioxidants. Your skin will look beautiful when you wear it. And even after you take it off. Neutrogena cosmetics. Does your makeup do that . Honey, can you make your famous dip for the party . I can do the chores. Yeah, sure. Okay, im going to take the demolition team. No, no, no. Hey, hey. Come inside, ben is somewhere in the house. Ooh tostitos dipetizers go from microwave to table in minutes. Just heat and enjoy. cheers and applause . Larry welcome back. Anyhow, i fell asleep on the couch last night and woke up to this nightmare. Seeb has found a new way to exploit the underprivileged for the sake of ratings. Its called the briefcase. What would do you if 101,000 landed on your doorstep . Larry okay speaking as a black man, i would think 100k at my front door was a total setup. Im just saying. I dont trust, that all right. I just dont. Somethings there. Not good. applause but, sorry i interrupted. Pleads continue your pitch. Each week two deserving families that have been dealt a tough hand will be given a briefed case with 101 inside. But there also is a decision. Larry no, but there also is a decision. Just let these nice hardworking downonyourluck people keep their money. I get it. It only lasts five minutes, but its a good show. What jedi head games does this show have in store for americas most vulnerable . There also is a decision. You can keep all of the money. You can keep some of the money. Or you could choose to give all of the money away. If you decide not to keep it all, whatever is left is going to help another family who may be in as much need, or maybe more than you guys. Is there more needy . Who is the other family precious and monique . I mean, god lord. Okay, briefcase lets see whos needy and ceend of faking it. Meet bergin family. After getting laid off from his sales job at the age of 40, joe bergin was at a loss for how to provide for his wife, kim and their three teenaged daughter glz oh, man, thats awful. Yeah, this guy, he kind of deserves the money. Meet the bronsons. Dave is an iraq war hero. He lost his leg after a roadside bomb detonated near his tank. Larry bleep that other guy. Forget what i said. Hold on. Are you kidding me legless vet . Legless vet gets it. Its not even close. I know theyve got to raise the stakes somehow. Both of you were given a briefcase with 100,000 cash, and have been deciding on whether to share any money with each other. Larry unbelievable. Theyre pitting pitting two poor families against each other making them feel guilty about helping somebody for our entertainment . Man, this show makes bum fights look downright uppity. Here to shet shed some light on this is reality producer, xander mccool. cheers and applause xander thanks for joining us. Youre a reality producer right. So what do you think about this condescending show pitting poor people against each for money . I mean, i think i wish id thought of it. Un what i mean . Right now, there is no better group to make money off of than the poor. Theres no better group. Larry hold on. The poors. Why would you want to explode exploit the poor . Because people love it. I mean, larry this goes back to ancient rome, the gladarties. They were sliefs. Which is why we dont live in ancient rome . But dont we . Dont we, larry . Is there no, we dont. Larry, im going to bring out the charts. Were going to follow the market trends. See this british anything. Sexy 20 something singing stuff. Theyre all down like 300 right now. If you go over here, look at this toig with the poor. Look at this. Look, its so off the charts. Larry no, no. applause . Larry no, no no. I needed a whole other chart. Larry i dont care what kind of chart you need. Dont you have any compassion . These poors are cash machines which is really funny because theyre too poor to need an an a. T. M. Larry that is not funny. Im hearing some feedback. Probably the jet engine. I dont know. Its funny because its true larry. Larry no, its sad because its true. Lawyer woorks well have to agree to disagree. Larry, heres the deal the lower the income the higher our profit. In fact i just pitched the sickest show to spike. Its called hobo baby swap. We take two hobo babies, we take them away from your hobo parents, and we swap them, and we raise them titheyre like 10, and then we bring them back oh, what happened hobo baby swap. Larry hobo babies. Thats money in the bank. laughter . Larry thats one of the worst ideas ive ever heard raising children already is the ultimate challenge. Oh, you like ultimate challenges. I just sold this to nbc. Its called the ultimate challenge. A pregnant lady without health insurance, all right, shes super poork obviously. And a threelegged bunny goes in. One comes out with a new leg the ultimate challenge. Larry go in . Go in where . To do what . Im not going to tell you that larry. I dont want to spoil it. Its gold, baby. Larry by the way, are you on an airplane . Where are you going . Im not just on an airplane, im on a g6. Im gog hate tow whip up a fresh idea. My brain turns out gentlemens. I have gems. I have britain idea tourettes. Larry whats the brilliant idea you have. Everyone is going to love this. Its called haitian divorce. Two people in haiti who are totally in love. We make them get divorced. laughs . Larry why are you doing that in haiti . Who is poorer than the haitians. Larry haitians. Larry xander mccool, everybody. Will twizzlers mixed berry bites ever end their rivalry with jolly rancher filled gummy bites . Not today. Bites. Little greatness. Overpriced gimmicks. Try the uncarrier riskfree for 14 days youll love it, or well pay for you to go back. If youre looking for a car that drives you. And takes the wheel right from your very hands. This isnt that car. The first and only car with direct adaptive steering. The 328 horsepower q50 from infiniti. Break the ice, with breath freshening cooling crystals. Ice breakers. cheers and applause . Larry welcome back. Im here with my panel, nightly show contributor zell. cheers and applause and the very funny ladies on broad city, Abbi Jacobson and ilana glazer. Very funny. Before we start, i gotta say it doesnt feel quite right to be at a desk with the stars of broad city. You guys are so chill and relax. It seems a bit formal. This seems like a great time to finally use the nightly show lounge in cool millennial hangout area hosted by larry wilmore. Its for cool peers like this. Shall we . Yes. Larry yeah applause all right come on over, ladies. cheers and applause oh, yeah. Larry this is better. Thank you so much. applause this is a lot for the. Larry feels better doesnt it . Yes. Yes. Larry it smells like axe body spray and red bull over here. Whats up, tim . Hes asleep upon. Dont worry about him. I feel like i got bed bugs. Look at this a double . Larry i know, cool. A double bag over there. Larry lets get to our first topic we . So we mentioned this Breast Feeding thing. There is a thing a controversy about Breast Feeding. I think kathie lee and hoda were talking about. You watch kathie lee and hoda. Those are my people. Larry and they were talking about pem who are oversharing breast feet feeding photos on instagram. There are two types of people, hoda those who feel the need to share their most precious moments and those who like to keep them private, which i prefer. God bless us all. I say Breast Feeding is beautiful and natural, but sharing it on social media . T. M. I. Larry that was just bizarre. Know. Youre scared to say it so your emojis are saying it . Larry yeah, what was up with that . Breast feeding isnt awkward enough. Now well have cartoon characters talk about it. Do you guy anybody have a problem with women Breast Feeding in public . How about that first . Nope. I love it. Ive never been mad at a titty, larry. Larry larry. I cant remember being angry at a titty. I have. Larry you dont care. Youve been mad at a titty . You in particular. Larry one of the issues is people arent just doing it in public, which is fine. I dont have a problem with that. But then theyre sharing it on instagram, which seems a little over the top. Yeah now my titties are going to be out feeding a baby on instagram. Its like its getting in the way of like, what twerking videos . I know, who cares. Larry nobody cares . I want to know what theyre captioning. Thats like people take pictures of their food and its a baby having its meal. Larry thats a good point. applause . Its original food porn. There we go. Original food porn. Larry does anybody think its narcissistic . I think the internet is narcissistic. Im surprised that anybody is surprised. You know what i mean . Its all porn. Instagram is porn. Tell them to stop following them. Larry no. Okay, so we all think its coom cool . What do you think . Im cool with it. applause thumbs up. Thumbs up. Lets go to the next one. Everybody is with Breast Feeding on instagram. Cool. We just had the National Spelling bee im just a little hungry. This is kind of cool you guys. Before tonight Indian American students have won for the last seven years in a row. Theyre crushing it. Yeah. Larry and some people have made these racist comments on facebook saying the kids in the spelling bee should only be american. First of all, they are american. Larry yes when did we become racist about spelling bees . This year, i guess. laughter do they only spell american words . Yeah, theyre american kid. Theyre American Kids in texas. Larry why would people be upset about that . I dont get it. The other thing is let me ask you this is it okay to feel that certain groups can do things good . 100 its insane. Larry is it racist to say a group can do something good . But, ricky would it be wrong to say, indians, those bleep can spell. No applause larry you dont have a problem with that . Thats true . When youre like i need somebody to help me spell. You know what i mean. Larry who you gonna call . Youre going to call the indian ghostbusters. Who do you need for spelling, now we know. Its efficient. If youre gog get a deck built on your house and five hasidic jews show up to build it. You are going to call jose. Larry are positive stereotypes okay . Its better than a negative stereotype. Larry exactly. Its on the way to being better. I guess some people feel pigeonholed but its also like do you fit the stereotype . Well hire you, to finish deck or whatever it is. But larry, youre black. You have the big dick stereotype. I dont have that. Thats not what they gave us. Larry no, but we always look, look im puerto rican. Larry dont feel my big dick. How about that . laughter well be right back. Dear stranger, when i booked this trip, my friends said i was crazy. Why would i stay in someone elses house . But this morning a city ive never been to felt like one i already knew. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your world with me. It felt like home. Airbnb. Belong anywhere. Catch you tomorrow. Thank you. Ive always done whatever it takes to get to the next level. How bad do you want it . Hes got a world of talent. Jabari parker off to duke university. Push it come on no pain parker the bucks select Jabari Parker. Lets go come on Jabari Parker being carried to the lockerroom. It never gets any easier. But i will get stronger. Because my story is far from over. Gatorade recover. Protien for athlete building. At banana boat, we test our Broad Spectrum sunscreen so it stays on in 7 conditions in pool water in wind of course in sweat in sand sun 100 degree heat and ocean water banana boat stays on in all 7 conditions for uva uvb protection and fun banana boat, weve got you covered. To get to you. Theyd have to get past us. Americas navy. cheers and applause all right thats our show. I want to thank our panelists ricky velez, Abbi Jacobson, ilana glazer, and tim on the couch. cheers and applause ghntly everyone. Yeah