No one known one. [inaudible] we are going to start. Im the Community Relations manager at the nyu bookstore. This is part of our event series, an ongoing series that we have been having here for the past seven years. Featuring nyu alumni, like tonight with as well as nyu faculty and the General Community as well. It is a pleasure to be hosting tonight. Welcome to nyu. It is a pleasure to have you here. We are going to hear from the author then have time for questions and answers and a book signing. Want to start the evening by giving a brief introduction. The author has been very active since graduating from nyu. I dont know if i will cover everything. But i will leave it up to him to fill the gaps. Our author is currently a senior fellow and director of global studies. His commentator and broadcaster who wishes he could be a writer. I think you are. I actually very much enjoy your writing. Among other things he is the muslim leadership at the heartland institute. He has appeared in all Major Networks on his essays and reviews have been published in such publications as the washington post, time, cnn, guardian, form policy, and. He is author of a novel, the order of lights published by penguin in 2006. In tonights event is a launch of his new book, how to be a muslim, and american story. That is published by beacon press in boston and we think beacon press for helping us make this happen. Maroon was previously at National Center of security and a fellow with the National Security studies program that new america foundation. He served as director of Public Relations at the Islamic Center. Her room holds an ma in middle eastern and south Asian Studies from columbia university, where i understand you are currently a phd candidate. So, you can tell us more about that. His field of study includes muslim nationalism in south asia, colonial and postcolonial islamic politics. In the development of the indian ocean economy. I think sort of differently than your previous work, this is a very personal book. So i will leave it at that. If i may, it is a real pleasure to welcome our author, well talk a bit later and have time for question and answer. [applause] hello. I am pretty loud, so i dont know if i need the mic. But, you need the mic since you are recording. Cameras follow me everywhere, its called be a muslim. That was a joke. You can laugh. So i wanted to read a section of the book which the covers orange in honor of her president , because i saw coming so i thought it would be a nice gesture. Ironically i asked the publisher if we could maybe change the subtitle to a north american story in case i flee to canada. But they were not am unable. The section im going to read is one that is personally terrifying to me. When you write something obviously is a writer there things that you find more affecting and then readers find other parts more affecting and theres this constant search for the happy, middle ground. This book is very personal, took a lot out of me to write. I come from a conservative family, religiously speaking. I talk about a lot of things that i dont think my family would have been excited for me to talk about. So, i have this weeklong panic attack over whether not i should invite my family members to my readings, because it would be rude not to, but that if i read the book out loud, i would know if you part of the family. It was a very exciting balance. What i will read is a section from reasonably early in the book when i was 17 years old before i started nyu, i was in high school. I had come up with a plan to sneak out to prom. I had a girlfriend secretly. I lived in a farm town. About 95 kids of my high school. Everybody in the town expect my parents knew it was coming to prom. It was amazing. So, this is a section that opens with my parents beginning to figure out that i was not the muslim kid they thought i was. When i finally got to the kitchen, pit of my stomach it was to find my parents waiting an ambush. My father fired first. Why did you have a girl in your car yesterday . My eyes went wide in my mind went into overdrive in my face retreated into confusion. A girl . As if i did not know what one was. Perhaps if i force them to define the female species near embarrassment wouldve prevented them from continuing. On reflection, this would work perfectly. As it turns out, someone in the local Muslim Community had snitched on me. This is what i got for driving around in a toyota land cruiser. Of which there were only two in my entire town. One of which belonged to my family and the other belong to the mosque president whose family was the only other muslim family in town. The two land cruisers were the same color, beige with my family. Since the mosque president s wife and my mother headscarf you can imagine the neighbors confusion. They look the same to me, so to their cars. I decided to own a part way. She needed a ride home. And since offering a girl ride home was always a trespass, maybe that was a momentary panic in my eyes. I folded a waffle in half and shoved it into mime mouthwash it down with chocolate milk. It was nothing i say, but ive been sloppy. Id have to pursue my secret life with greater deception. Mcdonalds never callbacks are found another job. When that would be easier to hide softening the blow of a chain that sells fast food. I help students write a thesis papers from scratch or rewrite. Technically therefore i did not graduate high school once, but several times. I profited in order to pay for life which i tried desperately to escape. I walked past carla every morning because the science wing was close to the senior parking lot. My friends tease me for not making out with her. I wondered why held back. I was scared. There is an absence of opportunity to. Her friend presented one. She announced a pool party at the end of may. I knew i had to attend. I would make my move there. Samanthas house had to be beside the mosque president s. Which meant they might see my car which is also their car. Huge risk before two weeks before prom. I asked my friend jacob to be my right. Jacob was a bright kid who sometime in the course of senior year developed a habit of falling asleep during everything. He was bright a knife to coast on his wits for a while, but the warning signs were there. Judging by his snoozing, he deemed most of his life too important to be present for. You must always were oversize handknit sweaters. He look like his mother had gotten him lost inside of cell. In case you forgot, he was usually asleep, at least not when driving. His mom took a liking to me. She wasnt particularly religious but asked me to find the jacob a nice jewish girl. As if an adolescent muslim i had some special access to jewish women that she lacked. On the way to the party, naturally his nose started bleeding. So badly that we drove right past sams house and almost to massachusetts in the belief that the closer we get to canada the father we further we were from her. No luck. Jacob practically ran the car into the ground. Took me a moment to realize he was repurpose he leaves as napkins. Then we met the homeowner read real napkins which she shared after we explained why semi sort washing her face with oak leaves while laughing and falling over. I ended up that night exactly where he wanted to be. On samanthas pool deck with carla, her beautiful legs pushing online, mind need displacement. My children learn how to walk, its a deep instinct. Inside them. In the right time and place it comes to the surface. I reached inside myself and shoved it to the floor. I had never felt so overcome. Heres the thing, i could sense with some rater i did not know ahead, that she wanted the same. The energy hung in the air. Were opposite ends of the magnet. I just reach over, put my arms around her and watch them on Station Wagon pull up. With equal and immediate force we jumped away from each other. I want carla to her card ejected as she made her way to the back seat she offered me her hand an apology. It was so much and that chris and i fear i spent my entire life trying only to return to that squeeze. Somewhere i could be held with someone instead of just myself. I let my parents to believe that on the friday night, the first week of june, convenient, i sleep over at a friends house, this friends mom conspired with me as did everyone else, to leave school early in the day a proud one had to have parental permission. Most parents gave theirs, mind you dont need task. So the principal went to my departing a little earlier than the conclusion of the day. Across state lines to my friends home, and i returned in time for the evenings event. The neighbors were on vacation so i parked my land cruiser not in the backyard but under their deck, having been caught once before i would not make the same mistake twice. A jacobs house i relax. I was going to get away with this. We went into the backyard and pose for the camera. Back then he had to wait for pitchers to develop, you got to live in the moment instead of watching yourself livid a few seconds later. The six of us with her dates were dressed to the nines. The smiles we were for the camera belied what was around the corner. For reasons that are obvious, i have no other pictures of me with carla. A prime, practically every student went out of his way to congratulate me, amazed i made it. More encourage that i wanted to attend in the first place. I wanted theirs, maybe for that one day i would not need it. Maybe soon. I got rejection and omission letters. Between boston and nyu, pick the latter. All good things must come to them. I never see many my classmates again, it would be like it never happened. Carl and i slow danced to Sarah Mclaughlin son which i cannot listen to now without working out at goosebumps. I ask myself who 88 is, why she needs to know why we havent done anything wrong, and why i was receiving a. Satan asked adam, shelley lead you to a tree into a kingdom that never dies . The apple taste better than it digests. Adam is tempted by the desire to live forever, yet he fails and he falls. But only in falling does he become what he was meant to be. Maybe we missed the point of the story all along. You can do the wrong thing for the right reason, adamantly eight for ate from the tree, but they repented and stuck together. I was a 17yearold who wanted to belong. To believe that there is a world he could be inside an apartment. That he didnt need to analyze from without, prejudge, excommunicate or be excommunicated from. If only for a night, let the star circle me. The metal necklaces, the occasional bracelets, the wallet hooked on a chain to a belt loop, these were are the tribal markers of snowboarder. And to validate me by announcing it was other than me, sticking up to fit in. Those amounts can tell you how badly i wanted this cheerleader. We cannot what others want because they wanted still want for themselves. Sometimes are unable to point to where our desires and in others begin. After prom we mightve stop somewhere but i can remember. Carl wanted nothing to do with me. The last thing she did was chide me. You cant drink, you have to drive. The next afternoon, alone in an empty bedroom someone elses house, carla chose aol instant messenger to shock an army. We should break out. Sure i said. And not expected this within, even as i made plans to go away from college. You can hold two contradictory hopes in your head and still be devastated when one gives away. Its wanting to have your cake and eat it too. What else would you do with cake . I joke with my parents to new york the night after prom to see my family. I set broken and on speaking. My mom would pass away less than a deck o decade later from canc. My father still with us another decade after that. I cannot admit to them then or ever, that i feel because i was, in the end, phil. Carl and i never moved beyond that first kiss. While i tremble to meet her lips, she told me casualty to what intimacies she would and would not be okay with. I nodded determinedly as if this was a subject i had mastered. Yet i believe dating was no different than marriage. Once we are together we would remain together. Terminology was technicality. I was ruined like i cannot believe. Its one thing not to go to prom and another to be dumped the day after he pulled off the greatest deception in your brief life history. If every person has one great test, mine was and may still be, parting. I learned i could deal with death. I cannot accept that god would let lives get entangled only to be yanked apart. Can you live forever and be a part forever . That is death. A real and without resurrection. A place where islam cannot go does not hel help. Had carla not broken up with me, could i have broken it off with her . The deeper sorrow carves into you, the more joy it contains. From which i learned this lesson. The further you let a person into your soul, the longer it takes her to leave. I could not have guessed how much it wouldve hurt to give anyone anything with my heart but i had stupidly given mine. The following spring i stop by carlas hearts to pick up bradley, good friend of mine. He lives on the other side of town. Jeremy who lives on the other side of town was standing beside me. None of this memory makes any sense, but thats because all i was focused on and all i could see years later was carla at the top of the stairs putting dishes away. She may have waived. A year later we ended up across from each other in a diner in connecticut and shared where life had taken us. Jeremy left as we walked back to my car. That he said was the longest conversation you ever had with her. Maybe i should ask her out. I never spoke to her or even saw her again. Maybe we do not live one life, but many. Some overlap, some are errors apart, some never intercept. Maybe i keep telling myself because of a cut in. Or else i dont need to know what it means in this universe. My religion says a man should not be alone with a woman but they should say a man should not feel like he has to be alone with the woman to feel like his life is worth living. What i miss most of all in the months after we broke up with her hands. From the first time she offered hers in a rollerskating rink to the last one with the left the dance floor. And may be that you hate it and its good for you. Be on my desire for her was an awesome loneliness. A feeling of living in a nothing place only briefly and erupted. Life was no life at all. From time to time this emptiness made the world stark and beautiful. Most of all it hunted and pursued me. Something always comes from nothing. With every difficulty, he says there is relief. It could be this is me or all of us. We stumble onto god in the blanks, the places we live in but dont ever belong to. If only to be taught mercy, we dont belong here. Thank you. [applause] that is a chapter from the book and yes, got dumped the day after prom. Im not bitter at all. Slightly, but not really. Thank you. If i may start the q a part of the evening. I want to refer to an article that was published a couple of days ago the atlantic by emma green. The article is titled, trying to be in a political muslim in america. Yearbook, how to be a muslim tries out a new genre writing about islam. Its not about terrorism or war. How do you feel about that title . And tell us a little bit what brought you to write a very different kind of book . In the spirit of being political to answer a question about being a political, im can answer different question because thats what politicians do. I look to donald trump and he just starts tweeting. I cant do it he does. So, the book is titled how to be a muslim. The first review i got was pretty positive. By the end the reviewers like, he never answers the question about how to be a muslim. And i said i think you missed the point. Even better, there is a book published in militia about how to be muslim which is a guidebook. Theres could be confuse people at the about wiser book a series of pictures of how to pray. I miss someone in malaysia who thinks or given a book on prayer and there can be reading about taking a girl to prom. Theres could be some exciting overlap, i hope. When i came to nyu and 98, spent a while this book service not here. I had a tenuous connection to my muslim identity. I grew up in a very small, christian temporary was a lovely time, just very small. I wanted to come to a big city so i came to new york. You have to whittle new york down to size because its huge and overwhelming. I debated between jordan this ovation club or the muslim club. The Salesian Club i went to the first event and it was a dance party and i cant dance. So im not kind to spend four years not dancing because of stupid. Thats why i joined the islamic club. Its terrible left choices. I come from very honest admissions of moral failures. When answering a question, promise. I met these different people and i might not be a particularly religious person but i can help build a religious community. In a few kids were like we can make a this a massive culture because its not can it be that you have to be a certain type a muslim to come in. Were just saying if you identify as muslim you can come through the door. This is like south asian eugenics. We really to not let people, we dont let them reproduce until the have certain kinds of vehicles in their grudges. Its amazing. No one will marry you unless you can afford a mercedes and bmw. If you think about it were like fascists. But slightly less intimidating. Im still answering your question, i promise. I told myself, its fine. We can do this and i will go to law school and do my parents want me to do. Who cares if i build a student club, i liked it. Is elected president for the Islamic Center my senior year. I celebrated by asking a girl out. So sad, i wrote her a poem and decided to read it to her in a starbucks. This is my greatest nyu memory. It was the starbucks on broadw broadway. Im sure you passed it many times. Occasionally pass and start crying. Not because im sad, but embarrassed. I see you friday sermons, i asked this girl out. Halfway through reciting the poem her boyfriend walks in and sits down. I didnt know she had a boyfriend. I had asked a friend to do research and they completely failed. His like hey you gave the servant sermon, and im like im asking a girlfriend on a date. So that went over well. Is elected president of the msa. My third day as president was 9 11. We were the largest Muslim Community in proximity to ground zero. The 21yearold kid incredibly shy, awkward, did not really know how to handle himself in the settings. It became what i call a professional muslim. One reason for the book is this lifestyle of constantly commenting and having tied defend your identity and everything about muslim has to do with violence. I wanted to write something that challenge that. I didnt want to write a book about politics or National Security. Even though its in the background because it affects me in different ways. Thus it was that Everyone Wants to read and it doesnt illustrate about what muslims actually go through. Thank you. Im going to open up for any questions. I see hands are ready. Hold on and i will bring the microphone. Have you familiarized yourself with muslim mystic writers, mystical writers . In the book i talk about a few people, depending on how you want to define it who are influential to me. Some poets, a guy if you dont know who they are is fine. I explain why their importance in the book. I was a philosophy major which is a great major to do if you dont want to have a job. Like you can analyze anything without pay. Its a great career choice. I talk a lot about that and at the end of the book i have a few encounters with the schoolteachers who are influential on me. The book is basically a story of how i failed. Its how my life crash and burn when i was about 32 years old and how i tried to pick up the pieces and make sense instead of a person who had so many comments on paper and up driving my car into the ditch. In the making sense of that. Its not a painful memory. I wrote about it. I come up about it. Im doing okay. Im a happy person. I have accepted hair loss, its fine. To i feel for my mom . So my mom passed away. This is irony. There are 16 women in all pakistan who let me go backwards on that. My grandfather and on up were religious scholars. So they spoke arabic and persian. My grandfather was interesting because he was religiously conservative. He was not, he wouldve been completely left her utterly disgusted by the things that happened. It wouldve made no sense to him. He wrote poetry, he spoke persian, english, he did yoga. It was a religious humanism. Whats interesting, he had seven daughters. No sense. Who is the mall to be educated women. I was raised in an interesting environment where i was spared an incredibly unfortunate decision. My moms families all women, they all outshine the husband. You dont even know theyre in the room have the time. My mom is one of 16 women in pakistan back in the day who was in medical school. She became a radiation oncologist. I was in seattle two years ago and i was at a Dinner Service with people who had net worth in the tens of millions. One was amazed that my mom was educated. Makes you wonder what people think of you. You like what did you expect . I just left a k. My mom was a radiation oncologist and died of cancer. I very much my moms child. She loved music, poetry, movies, she was a star trek fan. She looked at a better. She thought pearl jam was she was a creative person. She was a teacher and dr. But religiously conservative. It was an interesting childhood to have. In many ways i miss her but i think in many ways this book is about an extension of how she raised me. Hello. A question. You talk about your vulnerabilities and failures. Thats not an easy thing to do. You mentioned a weeklong panic you had, can you talk about the process you had to overcome that panicking . About a month ago my boss, woman named rachel, were talking earlier got an advance copy of my book. Then i had a panic attack. Like people are going to read this. Its like fun like im writing this book of eli, got people are going to read this. Rituals a jewish mom but shes my boss. Every time she looks at me she was just her crime but she cant because shes my boss. She looks at me like she wants to give me a hug which is a weird situation to be in professionally. She feels bad for me and wants to pat me on the head. A pakistani moms and jewish moms are like the same ethnic group. I dont work comes from theres a weird conversion. How i got over it, writing the book was a way out of it. Trying to put thoughts to paper when he Say Something or write something you break its power over you. When i was struggling with it and started writing it out down i was able to make sense of it make meaning out of it. At my lowest point my life when i was suicidally depressed, writing the book kept me going. Theres an idea that i was working on something. I didnt know what was going to come of it. But my working on it requires me not to kill myself. For people lik people who are depressed are bipolar, or just in the bedtime, having something external to yourself is really important. That could be music, art, youre building something that requires you to be there for yourself in a certain way. Want to start by saying i love the way say pakistan. A lot of people with different accents sounds very not like it. This is unrelated to your book, but related to being a muslim. Keep it aside that muslim equals terrorists or terrorism, i feel like a lot of people have this idea of be a muslim and that is, you faster in ramadan, you pray five times a day, you do certain things, theres a checklist of how to be a muslim. And in todays times, theres a fine line between balancing your religious responsibilities, not all of us seem to live up to that checklist or idea of being a muslim. I feel like when you go out into society where people who are not muslim look at you, they feel like will if you are muslim, why energy doing this . Based on your experience, how do you deal with not feeling like youre not living up to that idea or that checklist or still be okay with that and still feel like your muslim and thats okay . What i would say, first its your identity. Nobody can i define your identity for you and lester at the airport which case they can make you whatever you want and you dont have a choice. Secondly, if you carry the book with you on a plane your identity will be further defined by you. Its also a good way to keep the seat next to open. Ive learned my experience in amtraks but if you just open a book in arabic, could be anything, nobody will sit next to you. Going from new york to d. C. As you can tell, im add. I will question. What i think personal is to be fundamentally human is to neither accept yourself as you are because if you fully accept yourself as you are you are donald trump. If you just accept that i am who i am and nothing emmy is in need of improvement, then you become like kinda a terrible person. If you just think im the greatest person in the world are perfectly fine as is, thats boring. Why would you ever want to live a life where your perfectly fine. However you choose to define it art, family, relationships, this is the thing people create an external standard they aspire to. If its too close to where your it wont inspire you. If its too far way it will crush you. If religion is something thats important to you, the thing you aspire to should be enough that it forces you to become better but not so much that it becomes impossible in a burden. That is for you to decide. At a certain point for me, i realize that letting peoples definition of how i should be is not actually make me a better person. If that practice is not somebody elses the second and make you better person. If you feel worse about yourself every day and not improving. Also by my book it taste like chocolate chip cookies. On this subject, if somebody is judging you, maybe you can turn the question around. Maybe im sharing this aspect of it if he doesnt help you youre not doing much better. Its a shameless plug. No more questions . And osher thinking i dont work out. I do have a question, backed your title, how to be a muslim we talk a little bit about your own personal process in terms of self identity t and how you see yourself today. So the title is more profound because of the political moment that we live in. My initial choice of the title was tongueincheek like how to be a muslim. I thought that was funny. Also because i feel that it. The womans question that you asked that ive been given a definition of religion and that crush me. Over and over again i felt destroyed by. I driving myself insane because of it. In the present political moment every society has biases. On the far right i hear a lot of people ask who is a muslim so who is a muslim is like additional security question. The doors la guardia which would make you want to leave the United States because its Port Authority with runways. Its so depressing, the end of empire. Like the donald trump of airports. On the left, and i see this a lot people ask why anybody would be religious in the first place. Whos the muslim, why would you be . Most people of faith would be how come its a constant struggle, i wanted to capture some of that. I think you can choose to have an identity i am this or that. You can have something thats conjunctive. Whats interesting to me is that i went to study philosophy i wanted to make sense of the world around me. And i know that cspan, hello. Can you make sure that nobody from nyu philosophy uses this . I appreciate that. I love my philosophy majors. None of the thinkers i studied, man, white, christian could even make sense of my high school classmate. Were you to define the entire planet but we cant make sense of how most americans live their lives. The set liberal bubble that produces condescension or alienation. I lost the point of this. The point of conjunction, i still find catholicism because of the people i grew up with to be interesting. And inspirational. I could choose to be this or that or theres all these different elements and they may not always connect, but they do. We live in an age where there are a lot of people who want everyone to live in certain silos. Your american or muslim, youre american or brown. That kind of thing. I reject that. I think that stupid. Whats up cspan, i just called the whole philosophy stupid. Some other people have joined us. I want to make sure we get everyone. Any other questions before we go back. Hello michael. The big question is religion versus technocrat is in. How do you deal with that . Thats and say. Why would you ask me happy now . Why did you do that . Even the cspan guys zooming in right now. Can you explain. There are certain people that think technology will solve all our problems. They live as if all they have to do is learn the latest technology and youre going to be fine because youre part of the movement or whatever. And then theres opposing views they have to take care of your spiritual i know theres a Common Ground here somewhere. And it is hard to place. Thank you. We work together. Like the avengers without powe powers. It seems to be hard to find the balance to maintain spiritual outlook and still have an eye for technology. Yesterday, i went to see one of the great achievements of western civilization, wonder woman. It was a great movie. Such a good movie. There was like, a couple behind us and the guys running commentary the whole movie. Thats greek mythology. They made the movie more interesting and i looked to my left theres a guy playing candy crush. He has his phone out and im like, you paid for this ticket. Right, where is this compelling and it was in this critical fight thing. So i guess im saying is i think a lot of Times Technology has unique outcome but also amplifies who we are inside. It doesnt bring about a new world but it amplifies tensions already in society. My sense is that religious leaders have completely, generally failed with questions or responses to technological dilemmas. Whether thats cloning or reproductive technologies or ai, or any of these things. As i think that technologists tend to have a naive belief about the human tools to change. We saw on the election that won the election. Someone who just mastered twitter completely crushed it was crushed by tweets, that was amazing. Fake news, would you really think about how to be use. So thats how i wanna and come on the election. Everything goes back to the election, thats why the cover is orange. You have to buy the book, its really good. It can change your experience in life at the airport. Thank you so much. To have any other questions . Would you like to read another small piece from the book . Yes, totally prepared a section to read and im going to do that right now. This is a good section. Its weird, my gosh, wrote this book what was i doing. I dont have a job . [inaudible] okay. How long my supposed to read for . May number brown man with mike, i dont know if you know how this works. I set a wedding recently where an uncle, uncle is a term in south asia culture for someone who is not related to you and who is your elder. He got up on the mic and he talked for 45 minutes. Like start to finish. Someone went up to take the mic from him and he started yelling at that person. It was the greatest thing ive seen in my life. Two people were screaming at each other at a wedding. Years after my family had been at connecticut, my mother was buried in after i finished reading why us . For her the chapter she died for i went to the place we had been living for so long. It had been nearly for five years since we passed. I was rattled enough that i needed something frumpy for her and before us to hold onto. In a gun metal grate camry i jumped on turnpike road, accelerated at Mountain Road and took the second left up the long go all the way to the end. I reach the culdesac and quit my car up to what was once our 1300foot driveway. Well aware of the no trespassing signs but i nailed up. Warning sign never conceived could be used against me. The new occupants painted the white windows black about left envious. Got out of the car and walked a circle around the house from the Swimming Pool to the outcropping of rock on the other end that i transformed when i was younger into a fortress. I wanted more. Two. Through the windows and be my room. I remember when i worked up the courage to ask carl out thought life we get better. A man is only not alone when hes with a woman. I looked at all the rooms i imagine decorating and redesigning. Help to walk in, light a fire in the chimneys we never tested, pass hot beverages to whoever was home until these replacement how much each room meant to me. I would do a good job describing what the placement me that the new owners would exclaim, why did julie. I finally belong somewhere and then write what i thought i had it figured out, close the door. Said high school lasted one more year he would a made it. I got my dream job in washington, d. C. But too bad when i was falling to bits. I could exhale years that had gone nowhere. I wondered if whatever greatgrandfather left for the same way. I had to leave that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. There were many things about dubai but now with my skill set. Not even nyu abu dhabi. Nothing i could do fulltime that would permit me to build a life there are as i preferred a life richard everywhere. I grew concert effective having to leave another places to leave other than america. I remember landing at jfk and stand outside terminal want to being surprised that it felt familiar. The greatest blows for you to come. My career had not been just interrupted. Once back, i applied for academic positions, hoping i would get something that allow me to finish my dissertation before the clock ran out. I received a must know responses from mississippi to oregon, zilch. Well i wanted to complete my project i cannot. Theres no way i could dedicate the time and energy to write five chapters to complete the research necessary to sit in the library for hours on and when i had to cobble together enough freelance assignments, speaking gigs nevermind, build a life in you. Maybe i would be stuck in the same ten jobs none adding up to a proper job. Maybe i be back in another bridge and another few years and this time it would stop me. So when i received the invitation more poorly, the hamster is back on the wheel. The last impact panel i had spoken it had dance from the exact same topic. Its now 2013 and the empire was striking back. The day i flew out and the historic strong storm look, they are winter. Global warming someone asked for the end of days . Yes, i responded. If youre expecting an easy epiphany may want to stop reading. It took me was 20 years to begin a synthesis. I would not come from the close i put on, the women i was with, the drinks a drink. For a man who had to start moving schizo out the door i can think of no better place to finish than los angeles. Thank you. I dont know what that means. [applause] thank you very much. I do remember that snowstorm. Or in the middle east at that time. I want to wish them for celebrating ramadan this month, thank you for joining us. The books on sale tonight, 20 off, we encourage sales. Keep in mind that were closing at 8 00 p. M. And youre welcome to stay. Thanks so much and have a good evening. Good night. [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] will return to our focus on memoirs in a minute. Tomorrow, we take it to the National Press club for a look at teenage drivers and road safety. Thats five at 9 30 a. M. Eastern. A conversation on occupational licensing in the state laws that govern those. Well take you to the federal society, live at 12 15 p. M. Eastern on cspan2. Live coverage of the 2017 Conference Thursday and friday and cspan, thursday at 10 30 a. M. Eastern, we host a q a about elections happening the share. Plus a look at the 2018 midterm landscape. Friday at 1 00 p. M. Eastern, a discussion on standing up for working families and embracing progressive values. Then a look at how to win back progressive parser organizing. A 4 00 p. M. Eastern, developing Vision Statements for the type of society progressives wants to see. Now focus on memoirs continues with sisters, jenna bush hager, barbara bush. Looking back on their childhood in formative years in the white house. They spoke at the publishing industrys book expo and new york city. Host jenna and barbara have a new burke forthcoming calleds sisters first. Why that title . Because above all, we are sisters first. It was a plan b and first daughters but we have been so lucky and left it be a twin which meant we had a partner in everything we are doing. Whether was the ordinary experience of growing up in texas, everything was more fun because we had someone with us to make it more magical. We had somebody who was also going to the same experiens