Tonight, stephen welcomes will forte. Dermot mulroney. And wyatt cenac. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody hey thanks, everybody woooo wooo guess what . Thanks, everybody. Thats very nice. Welcome to the late show. Im Stephen Colbert. . Ill be a tree . laughter well, im going to have wood. I dont know if im going to be a tree. Well, theres one story everybodys talking about game one of the world series between the chicago cubs and the cleveland indians. cheers and applause come on what excitement, one imagines. Because, we tape this show in the afternoon, so i did not actually see the game. But as the host of a topical late night show, i have a moral obligation to recap the game for you, so here it goes. Ready . Here we go. Tonight there was incredible pitching, but obviously, hitting a big part of it. The game was a little slow at one point, but then really picked up when things happened, especially that one thing highlightss, tonight. Incredible. Looks amazing. Highlights. Look amazing in slow motion, especially. It was an exciting start to the series for the winning team from that midwestern city that starts with the letter c. Their fans are clearly partying near the lake tonight and, of course, the losing fans are pretty sad standing by the lake. But if its any comfort to the losing teams fans, that other citys Football Team really sucks. Speaking of things that are sucking, obamacare. The government Just Announced that next year premiums are going up by 25 . I havent seem obama hike something so high since he stopped wearing mom jeans. laughter it explains why the picture on the obamacare website has gone from this. To this. So there it is. Never work for this country. Insane medical bills are as american as hot dogs, apple pie, and the 3,600 bill to remove the hot dog lodged in your apple pie hole. applause its not the hole you think. laughter and the next president clearly will have to come in and clean us this mess. Unle case, all health care will be replaced by a dr. Oz episode about calf implants. applause speaking of donald trump, im starting to worry about our future notpresident. laughter some weird stuff. applause some weird stuff happening on stage with him. Tampa, florida, and you might want to get the children out of the room because things got pretty steamy. There he is on stage, saying hi to the crowd, going over to hug one of his loved ones, and its an american flag. Yes, thats right. Donald trump just groped the american flag. applause cheers and applause . . . You if youre a star. I feel sorry for the flag. Flag had to take it, because those colors dont run. This is true. I was actually watching tv last night. I saw this when it happened. I was having a conversation my wife, and i said, wait. And i had to watch that three times last night to jim, can we see the magic moment . We didnt mock that up. That is insane. He knows we salute the flag in america, right . We dont dry hump it. cheers and applause oh oh who does that . I dont even know how to describe what hes doing. Hes guessing it a reacharound. Im not sure. This is the moment in the movie by the way. This might be the only time in history a flag burns itself. cheers and applause how many more . One, two, three. How many more . I got another one. Okay, one more. Its really surprising to see trump going after old glory like that. Normally, he goes for much younger glory. Amazingly, thats not the weirdest story to come out of a listen to what he said today in florida i love the signs behind me, blacks for trump. I like those signs. Blacks for trump. You watch. You watch. Stephen well, we did watch. And that sign right behind him is being held by a middleaged white lady. cheers and applause im sure theres an explanation. Im sure theres an explanation. Maybe her name is doris black and shes there proudly representing the black family. Also, we cant see the back of the sign. Maybe it says blacks for trump, might exist somewhere. laughter applause a giant credit card or something. Im not sure. But despite trumps appeal to americas palest african americans, some members of the g. O. P. Are trying to distance themselveses from donald trump. In fact, five republicans are threatening lawsuits over tv ads linking them to donald trump. Yes, the trump name is not what it used to be. In fact, the trump tower has now changed its name to just a building. Doesnt matter who built me. It doesnt matter who built me. Come in here and i dont blame republicans for being upset. Take the case of florida congressman and the friendliest name for a pirate, david jolly. Were going to candy island. One imagines a pirate with that democrats couldnt find any photos tying jolly to trump, so they just photoshopped trump with his arm around jolly. That is not fair, democrats. With photoshop, you can make anyone seem like friends, even hillary and bill clinton. applause and if youre gong to photoshop someone, at least make it interesting. Make it a threeway with trump, jolly, and american cheers and applause jolly is cut. That guy is cut. Very fit. Point is, democrats are dragging everyone into this election, even me. Yes, this is good. Because today, we at the late show found out were a wikileak yup. Yeah. Im happy about it, too. As you know, wikileaks has been releasing emails from the Clinton Campaign, because transparency or however you say transparency in russian. russian accent transparenchnik. laughter transparenchnik. Well, Julien Assange just pinched out another wikidump, and it included a Clinton Campaign email from last year, when i had Vice President joe biden on my show. Team clinton was very suspicious that biden was going to make a major announcement. One clinton staffer run on Stephen Colberts show. I dont think hed take him unless he was making news. Yeah, you got me there. You got me there. Why would i talk to the Vice President of the United States unless he was making news . Otherwise, youre just stuck in a boring conversation with joe biden. And they were scared of biden running. Another clinton staffer responded, lord, have mercy. And the lord did have mercy on not only did biden not run, but lo, god hath granted us a trump. laughter applause cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Will forte is here. But when we return, i will go live to Amish Country and ask why theyre willing to be on tv. So stick around. Hillary clinton far too many families today dont earn what they need and dont have the opportunities they deserve. I believe families deserve quality education for their kids, childcare they can trust and afford, equal pay for women, and jobs they can really live on. People ask me what will be different if im president . Well kids and families have been the passion of my life and they will be the this message. . . . cheers and applause everybody. Give it up for the band jon, im excited. You have a very special guest sitting in with the band tonight. Who do you here . Jon oh, yes, indeed. Ladies and gentlemen, how about a round of applause for mitski. Stephen thai, thank you for being here. Thank you for joining us. Well hear some songs from mitskis new album, puberty 2 tonight. Im very excited. I am presently going through puberty, 2. Hair showing up in places. Quite alarming. Folks, with donald trump falling behind in the polls, he needs especially in swing states like pennsylvania, where a pro trump pac is trying to court the amish vote. This is the perfect demographic for trump. Theyre the only voters left who havent googled him. laughter applause one selling point for the amish is that trump is a builder, and the amish are known for building. And, apparently, the amish like the fact that trump has a familyowned business, whereas Hillary Clinton has a businessowned family. Now, in order to seal the deal, they even put up a billboard in Amish Country that reads, vote trump hardworking, prolife, and family dedicated. Just like you. In fact, trump is so dedicated to family, he cant stop starting them. Hard line tow say. cheers and applause now, i wanted to find out how into trump the amish really are, so i invited an amish voter from pennsylvania to talk with us about it. Satellite, zachariah miller, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for being on the show, mr. Miller. Oh, my pleasure, english. Stephen now, zachariah, are the amish really Trump Supporters . Well, absolutely. Just look at my hat. Ive even quilted one of mr. Trumps proverbs. applause stephen thats very sweet. Thats very speet. So what is it you like about him . Well, for one, hes a great builder. In fact, he helped me raise my barn. Ill bet thats what the barns in heaven look like. Stephen okay. But what about Hillary Clinton . Do any amish like her . Oh, no we hate her. The emails stephen youre mad she deleted them . No, were mad that she uses emails at all. Theyre the devils thank you notes. Plus, she wears no bonnet, the temptress unlike mr. Trump, who humbly covers his head with plenty of hay for his horses. laughter stephen okay, zachariah, but what trumps lewd language and lusty behavior . Oh, i dont judge, stephen. Im on rumspringa right now, which means im freeo like appearing on your moving picture program, or all the ecstasy im currently doing laughter right here. Want some . Theyre freshly churned stephen no, thank you. I can feel colors stephen i can tell. That looks like a lot of fun. Thank you very much, but im good. So the amish believe no. Thats what we like about him stephen what do you mean . Well, hell destroy this country and then well be the ones who are technologically advanced with our plows and churns and candlemaking, well be lords of the afterscape kneel before me, stephen worship at my buttonless boots Stephen Zachariah miller, everybody. By the way, do you have any more ecstasy . cheers and applause stephen well be right back with will forte . . Thunder . . . . Thunder . . Where do you think youre going . . . Where do you think youre goinggoing, girl . . . . Girl, where do you think youre going . . My sweethearts gone sayonara. This scarf all thats left to remem. What she washed this like a month ago im hall of famer jerry west and my life is basketball. But that doesnt stop my afib from leaving me at a higher risk of stroke. Thatd be devastating. I took warfarin for over 15 years until i learned more about oncedaily xarelto. A latest generation blood thinner. Then i made the switch. Xarelto . Significantly lowers the risk of stroke in people warfarin interferes with vitamin k and at least six blood clotting factors. Xarelto . Is selective targeting one critical factor of your bodys natural clotting function. For people with afib currently well managed on warfarin, there is limited information on how xarelto and warfarin compare in reducing the risk of stroke. Like all blood thinners, dont stop taking xarelto without talking to your doctor, as this may increase your risk of a blood clot or stroke. While taking you may bruise more easily, and it may take longer for bleeding to stop. If you take certain medicines. Xarelto can cause serious, and in rare cases fatal bleeding. Get help right away for unexpected bleeding, unusual bruising or tingling. If you have had spinal anesthesia while on xarelto watch for back pain or any nerve or muscle related signs or symptoms. Do not take xarelto if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding. Tell your doctor before all planned medical or dental procedures. Before starting xarelto tell your doctor about any conditions, such as kidney, liver or bleeding problems. Theres more to know. . . . cheers and applause stephen hi, so pretty. That was so pretty. Thats such a pretty wack my next guest is an actor, writer, and comedian. His new book is 101 things to definitely not do if you want to get a chick. Please welcome the very funny will forte. Stephen thats awfully nice. Thats awfully nice. Thats i have put on a little weight recently, and this is the jacket that fit, so. The pant are a different color. Stephen but it doesnt matter. It looks very hip. Thank you. Stephen like devil may care. My himself have gotten bigger and i thank you for bringing that up. Stephen are you gaining the weight for a part . I gained the weight while i was doing a part. Stephen that is good. That is good. But your tuxedo is your largest garment . Currently there is i have with the pants that fit. laughter barely. Im doing all i can. Stephen youre fantastic. Thank you very much. Stephen you look absolutely fantastic. So do you. Stephen thank you very much, very kind, very kind. I understand before we get started here you having in you need to get off your chest. Yes, i feel very bad. There was i went to visit some friends last night, jason sedaikis and olivia wilde. No big deal. Im friends with them. Stephen hold on, hold on. Whatever. I didnt want to make a big deal out of but it was, you know, those two pretty bigtime celebrities, and im friends with them. No, but that has nothing to do with this, except for thats where i was. But i called an uber to leave, and the uber shows up. I get in the car, and immediately, i was hit with this, like, flowery smell. And so i wanted to be friendly with this guy. I was in a good mood. And i said, it smells wonderful in here. And he kind of looked back and embarrassed smile and said, yeah, yeah. And i didnt know what the heck that meant. And then we took off, like, 10 seconds later, the windows were down. And then i realized it the odor was covering up this mans horrible body odor problem. It was a big problem. And, like, so, i think this guy thought that i was, like, passive aggressively saying, you rk laughter and so it was the most uncomfortable ride. I cant say, hey, i didnt know that you smelled so bad our wouldnt have said that. So laughter so, just i just, you know, so i just wanted to say apologize to the stinky ubercar driver. Stephen he knows who you are, obviously . Probably. I mean. No, im kidding. No, no, no, jason or olivia was probably a recognizable face. I am friends with those guys, though, isnt that cool . Stephen youre friends with a lot of famous people because youre a famous person. I understand this was like homecoming for you. You actually worked in this building. You wrote for letterman. It was one of the most exciting things. Hes one of my heroes. Stephen mine, too. I sent him these cartoons that i drew thats a nice segway. You have 101 things to definitely not do if you want to get a chick. Things that i ever wrote in comedy. It was the very first thing. I was 24 years old. Sent them to letterman. Got hired here mainly because of that. The pact i turned in was dog crap. It was not good. laughter so, you know, now 22 years later, somebody is letting me publish them. Stephen so what were you doing at the time when you drew these . I was working at a Music Publishing company. Stephen and doing what . Tapes. laughter like, there were tapetotape things. Stephen that sounds made up. You sound made up. Im serious. I without pulled in a tape with a song on it and wait for four minutes while this thing dubbed. We didnt have a highspeed dub thing. I was waiting and i had time to kill so i started drawing some of these lets look at some of these stupid drawings of yours. Proudly stupid. Yeah. Stephen ill hold them up, and you describe these are things not to get a chick or a girl. However you feel about that. This is something to not do. Never take board games too seriously. Sp then one says, you whore, mrs. Carter. You sunk my battleship. Thats good advice. Thats solid advice. You dont want to, you know, that was like, thats stephen take a look at pork. laughter feel how sharp my tines are. I can pick up meats of all different grades and texts. If you do that this one is my favorite. I thought maybe she would like this, but youre saying a woman would not like this. Never tattoo her face on your face. Its a good its solid advice. Stephen so youre 24 years old. 24 years old. Stephen did you show these did you show these to anyone . Because these are commitment papers. These are like did you show these to anymore when you were 24 . I did show them to my girlfriend at the time, and she did not like them. But i gotta say, like i love them. I was 24 and single. And im 46 and single. So youve got to listen to what im saying here. This is good advice stephen why would anyone listen to you if youre still single at 46 . laughter applause have you had a bad date . Date . You know . Ive had a lot of bad dates. Plenty of bad dates. Stephen any particularly disastrous first bad dates . I didnt go out once with this girl, and a person came up and said we were hanging around, and this person came up and said it was while i was working at is the night live. Stephen you were famous at this point. Yeah, i didnt know jason or that was destined. Anyway, this person comes up and says like, oh, you know what . You know who you look like . And i was getting ready to play it cool with this girl and go, yeah, im on that show, yeah. Thats me. And she said, quentin tarantino. And i go, oh. It did not work in the same way i was expecting it to. And im 46 and single so things did not move forward with that woman. Stephen well, you, you on earth which is the third season coming up. Yes. Stephen great show. applause you seem like a fun guy. You took the whole cast and crew out for a fun outing here. This is what is this called . You took the whole its called a barcycle, or bar sickle. It was or first day back when we started writing. We got all the writers together and surprised them and went down to main street and the cast met up with us you pedal from bar it bar . You pedal from bar to bar. Stephen there is a bar on the giant bicycle. There is a bar on there and there are legitimate bars as well, and we were just kind of going to different place s. Stephen someone was steering. Someone was steering hopefully. Someone is steering, and someone is doing the brakes. I dont know if you can tell this guy right here is just kind of laying down the whole time. You feel kind of bad for him. Function is. Stephen who is this ted danson was following us in the car because mary was just like, i want to psycheole there with the riders. Stephen his wife, mary steen beveragen was on the cycle with you, but he just followed . He just followed. Hes the best guy of all time, a doting husband. Stephen a designated driver on a totally different vehicle. Yes. Stephen thats really safe. Lovely to see you. I understand you actually have trouble saying gone at goodbye at parties and stuff like that. I do. I have a touch of o. C. D. S. Its mainly like checking things and patterns and stuff. But one of the things, i need closure on everything. I do have it just takes forever to get me you say bye to everyone. I say bye to everyone and everything. Stephen i want to say goodbye to you. Do you want to say goodbye to everyone in the audience before you go . I dont want to. I have to. Stephen will, thank you so 101 things to definitely not do if you want to get a chick is available now. Will forte, everybody. Well be right back with Dermot Mulroney. . . . applause . . . . . Campbells one dish recipes. One pan, less than 30 minutes. Because if they arent going to eat it, at least you didnt spend too much time making it. Campbells one dish recipes. Made for real, real life. I can shut dn ze your infrastructure. I can access the personal data of everyone in america. I am the enemy with no face, and i cant be sto. . . For every wouldbe cyber attack theres a team of u. S. Army Cyber Warriors who will not be defeated. Find out more at goarmy. Com team our cough, youd see just how far it can spread. Robitussin dm max is now better tasting, with the same fast powerful cough relief. Robitussin dm max. Its heartbreaking, but true. As a millionaire c. E. O. , rod blum laid off over 70 employees, but he took millions in stock and bonuses. It gets worse. In washington, blum supported special tax breaks ill tell you what i think is missing in Washington Common sense. Its about investing in jobs and our economy. Its about investing right here at home. Im monica vernon, and i approve this message. . Oelt applause everybody. Thank you, mitski. Will, will, hows it going so far . Its going all right. Ive worked my way through this area right here, except for one gentleman right over here who refused. Stephen all right. Good luck. Good luck. Thank you. Stephen thank you. I appreciate you letting me to do this. Stephen seek help. laughter my next guest stars in the new cbs show, pure genius. Dermot mulroney. . . . applause nice. Stephen nice to see you. Hey, its nice to see you, too, steve glen you know, i say old friend because i would like us to have been friends. Thats me, too. Stephen because we went to Northwestern University together. At exactly the same tame. Stephen same time. And and we did not become friends. We were friend adjacent. Thats exactly right. We were on a parallel track. Stephen right. Yeah. Stephen one of us one of us became, you know, has his own comedy empire. Stephen yes, but wait a second, we both auditioned for the College Improv show. Like a second city kind of comedy show. Stephen and one of us got it was. cheers and applause it was me. Stephen i remember yeah. So fantastic. Payback is a beneficia bitch, m. I know. Is that why my seat is so low. Stephen you were friends with all the cool people. The part that you dont know is i was actually in the commit they chose the rest not true. Not true. Stephen oh, the fix was in, man. No, no wed have been lucky to have you. Mariety diprima, that whole hip crowd pup know im right. I do. Stephen you know im right. I do. Stephen and then you became one of the first people out of northwestern to be famous do, famous stuff. Yeah. Stephen here at cbs actually. Thats right. Thats what happened to me. Stephen you had your first what was the name of your you did some, like, movie. Its a movie of the weekend. It was back when the networks had those sunday night movies. Innocence. Stephen what was sin of innocenofinnocence about . S the guy, tim eye even remember his name, tim, his dad marries his girlfriend, who also what a high schooler, but shes a girl and now you have stepmothstestepbrother and the same house and its a meas. Like a 1980s mess. Stephen we have a clip here yes, we co. So this is Dermot Mulroney making his broadcast premiere, right . Yeah. Stephen as the the character is tim. And the characters back story is that his name is tim. The back story is his name is tim. Stephen very deep character. And he goes to high school. Stephen goes to high school, and jimmy. This is cruel. This period is unsettling in expect everyone to adjust. And we have no right at all. What . Thats how it feels, dad. Tim, i dont think thats fair. What i mean is that this is terrific for and you vicki, and im glad for you, but i didnt ask for it. cheers and applause stephen heartbreaking. Its heartbreaking. Heartbreaking, dermot. It still resonates today. Stephen thats bill bigsby. You dont want to make him mad. Hes the hulk. Let me ask you, this dermot. The new show on cbs, youve come back to the fold. I have. Stephen its called pure genius. Pure genius. Stephen are you the genius . Im one of the geniuses but a tech millionaire opens a cutting edge hospital. What you get with pure genius is a great medical drama but its full of this technical thats the technical term. Stephen thats the cutting edge is the newfangled, is what everybody is looking for. Innovations. Stephen hes the maverick billionaire. Youre the maverick surgeon. Right. Stephen and together you maverick things. Thats what we do. Stephen okay. So here it is, heres some can thpuregenius. I dont know if i can do it. Youre the best there youll nail it. This isnt programming a computer. There is only one way to remove the tumor and a million ways it could go wrong my scalpel missby a millimeter i could puncture her heart and weve lost margot and the baby. What if i give you a million chances to get it right . applause . 3d print out a heart. Stephen build a human body out of leggos. Its a great show. It aint no sin of innocence, but it only took cbs 30 years to to recognize that i had some value you. Stephen had a fallback position because youre also a cellist. Yeah. Stephen okay. Yeah, im a professional cellist. Stephen i was going to say. Professional cellist. Its not what youre known for. Its not what youre known for necessarily. But youve been in movie scores. Is that true . Even next week i on los alamos. Im a union musician who gets called in. I played on utopia inside out all the Mission Impossibles planet of the apes dawn of the planet of the apes. John carter was a great score. Not a great movie. Stephen do you ever hear yourself and go, wooo thats me. Story. It was bad one time. Here it goes real quick, stephen. Im in the scoring session, in the orchestra and i was in the movie and the director thought it would be cool. The video freezes. The whole studio breaks down and stops and freezes on a scene where im naiked from behind. Stephen how long ago was this . This was about 10 years ago. Stephen okay. In my adult life. Stephen good. Whats good about it . Stephen if somebody was going to see my butt on camera, i would definitely want the butt from 10 years ago. You can play us out as we go out to the commercial break . Yes. Stephen dermot, lovely to see you. Watch pure genius on cbs starting this thursday. Dermot mulroney, everybody. Well be right back. With comedian wyatt cenac. Mobility is very important to me. Thats why i use e trade mobile its on all my mobile devices, so it suits my mobile lifestyle. And it keeps my investments fully mobile. Even when im on the move. [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . No matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s before taking his team to state for the first time. Gilman go get it, marcus. Go get it. Coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1 cash back everywhere, every time. At places like the batting cages. [ crowd cheers ] 2 back at Grocery Stores and now at wholesale clubs. And 3 back on gas. Which helped him give his players something extra. The cash rewards credit card from bank of america. Looking for balance in your digestive system . Try align probiotic. For a nonstop, sweet treat goodness, hold on to your tiara kind of day. Get 24 7 digestive support, with align. The 1 doctor recommended probiotic brand. Now in kids chewables. . I live in a nameless town . . In a black out . . Midnight where we used to dance . . Oh, it all went away so fast . . In a black out . . . Oh . . With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of . . I said, its getting hot in herre . I was out here smoking instead of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. Sometimes, maybe its worth listening to a politician. Take congressman rod blum. On social security, blum doesnt just back the Republican Special interest agenda hes campaigning on it. Risking seniors guaranteed benefits on the stock market. And blum supported benefit cuts by voting to raise social securitys retirement age. So if you care about a secure retirement, listen to rod blum hes putting your security at risk. House majority pac is responsible for the content of this message. . . . cheers and applause my next guest is an emmywinning comedian, actor, and writer. Please welcome wyatt cenac . . . applause how are you. Stephen im doing fine. That was very nice of you. Very few of the guests ask me how im doing when they walk out here. That was very nice of you. I want to make sure youre okay. Stephen i feel very comfortable. Thank you very much. Are you doing all right . I feel all right. I feel a little inadequate after will went and shook everybodys hands. Stephen you can do the same damn thing. Were all very open and loving here. Im not crazy about human interaction. laughter stephen so you got what you wanted, which is nothing. Like, oh, and Dermot Mulroney plays an instrument. I dont know how to play an instrument. Stephen im sure you have im sure you have hiddenital enlts. Theyre hiding well. laughter applause stephen good. Theyre very hidden. Stephen were going to find them, man. Maybe. Stephen you and i you and i met under unusual circumstances. We did. Stephen yeah, this was a period of time in what year was it . 96 . 96. Stephen yeah, 96. For one month i was a guest i really, really wanted a job, wanted a writing job. And it didnt happen. Theres still time. Stephen okay. laughter and one night i was having a so, game and you were an intern there, right . I was an intern. Yeah. I was 19 years old, and i was an intern at s. N. L. And i was living in brooklyn with my grandmother while i did the internship. So she didnt have cable or anything, so i would hang out at s. N. L. Like, after hours, and watch tv. And she didnt h either. She was amish. laughter so, yeah, so i would just stay and work on the computer and watch television and colin quinn and Norm Mcdonald would always get into these, like, latenight soccer games in the hallway. Stephen kind of driving everybody crazy. Yeah. I mean, but as a 19yearold it was kind of like, this is amazing so, yeah laughter . Stephen i was 31 and i was like, this is amazing. I felt the same way. Jump in on the soccer games. It was like 3 00 in the morning and people were on deadline trying to get the scripts down. It was a friday night. I would hang out with norm and sometimes write on weekend update, and norm got into a huge fight one night. Yes. Stephen in the soccer game. And it was with you. Yes, thats true. What happened you were in the game as well, i believe. Stephen it was me and norm against and you colin. At some point early in the game, colin and jawing at each other. Stephen yeah, theyd been fighting. And norm was also trying to quit smoking so he was extra agitated. And i and at some point, norm and i got into a bit of a scrum for the ball, and i wound up clipping him in the shin, and then he got really mad, like you do when youre trying to quit smoking. laughter and grabbed me. Tried to throw me across the played. laughter and i pushed him off me. Stephen uhhuh. Because i was 19 and didnt really understand, like, stations of power. And then we got into a shoving match and started yelling at each other. Stephen and colin and i pulled 200apart. Right, yes. Stephen yeah. And the part about the story i i enjoy the story i enjoy the story, but the part i enjoy about the story is the way i one of the first times you and i period of time both briefly at s. N. L. And i told you that story not remembering you were the kid that norm was fighting. Right, yeah. Stephen and you went yeah, thats me. Stephen so thats kind of how we met. Yes. But very weird to meet again because i think we were shooting a promo for daily show, colbert report election coverage. Stephen right, the night obama was elected, that night, for it. Stephen no, that night, a promo for that night. Yeah. He did get elected, right . Stephen yeah. Things have been a little hazy for me. Stephen so now youve got a show called people. Of aircraft. People abducted by aliens, and its a support group. Its a show about a support group for people who think theyve been abducted by aliens. Stephen and you shot this in c canada. Stephen do you like those people . Well now that, like, seven of them jufd woood i feel compelled to say yes. And the crowd had been errr i would have been like toronto is the worst. Stephen we are also broadcasting in canada right now. Oh, youre great stephen you became a muppet very quickly. I dont lie well. Stephen well, would you come back and maybe you and i that. Sure, we should that would be fun. We should have a soccer fight. Stephen you, me, norm, and colin and try to settle this. I would like to recreate that with our current knees and himself. Stephen thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Stephen people of earth premieres next monday on tbs. Wyatt cenac, everybody well be right back. Oh kevins lunch freaky fast. Fifth time this week. Hillary clinton this is not an ordinary time, and this is not an ordinary election. I want to send a message to every boy and girl and indeed to the entire world. That america already is great, but we are great because we are good. I want us to heal our country and bring it together. We have to start getting the economy to work for everyone. Not just those at the top. Making the best Education System from preschool through college. Making it affordable, because thats, i think, the best way for us to get the future that our children and our grandchildren deserve. My vision of america if we set those goals and we go together, theres nothing that america cant do. Im Hillary Clinton stephen thats it for the late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be joel mchale, abbi jacobson, and jon glaser. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, matt leblanc and jeffrey dean morgan. Good night, everybody captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org . Are you ready to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . Where you come from its gonna be all right . Its the late, late show