And now with these slippery handled, very pointy, incredibly sharp scissors, i will now cut the ribbon to declare the final match of the 2016 hungry for power games officially oh no screaming he did it its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Abbi Jacobson and ilana glazer, Doris Kearns Goodwin and eric andre, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its time for the 2016 Democratic National convention death, taxes, hillary cheers and applause stephen thanks whoo whoo cheers and applause whoo audience chanting Stephen Stephen hey chris, tom, paul whats going on, mark cheers and applause hey welcome to the late show. cheers and applause thank you so much, everybody thank you thank you thats nice. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im proud to be your host, Stephen Colbert, and we are live on night four of the Democratic National convention, where moments ago Hillary Clinton became the first woman to accept a major partys nomination for president. cheers and applause incredible however you feel about either of the candidates, i got chill bumps. You said, why hasnt this happened before . Its the biggest breakthrough for women since they won the right to bust ghosts. laughter cheers and applause too long denied. I have to say did you guys watch the speech . cheers and applause it was a great speech. Well get to that in a moment. Of course, hillary wasnt the only one who made history at this convention. Last night, her v. P. Pick, tim kaine, accepted the nomination to become the 48th consecutive white male vicepresident. And the Streak Continues cheers and applause way to go cheers and applause but there are some spoil sports who are determined to try and ruin this. Bernie supporters and i am not making this up scarfed down beans and went to the Convention Center as part of a fartin protest. laughter now, some might question this tactic, but i remind you it is part of a long tradition of political activism. It was Patrick Henry who famously declared, give me liberty. Or pull my finger laughter applause now, the theme of the Democratic National convention was stronger together. And nancy pelosi thrilled the crowd by appealing to their shared values. We democrats believe that the future of america should be decided by the voices of the voters, not the pocketbooks of the powerful. A government of the many, not a government of the money. Stephen and that rousing call to get big money out of politics resounded throughout every corner of the wellsfargo arena, from the cnn grill to the Comcast Xfinity live complex because it was the democrats, we heard from every conceivable fringiest minority group. Im a republican. I knew Ronald Reagan. I worked for Ronald Reagan. Donald trump, you are no Ronald Reagan. cheers stephen whoo whoo cheers and applause whoo whoo were democrats why are we cheering Ronald Reagan . I dont care whoo Chelsea Clinton, this is touching, Chelsea Clinton came out and introduced her mom. First, they had a biographic video. Hillary rodham grew up in park ridge, illinois. Stephen you will notice that was narrated by god. cheers and applause hillary told the story of the first time she saw her future husband. I said, who is that . She said, that is bill clinton. Hes from arkansas, and that is all he talks about. And then i heard him say, we grow the biggest watermelons in the world. Stephen thus began a lifetime of bill clinton saying things that would later sound really pervy. laughter cheers and applause really big watermelons now, the video was very lovely, very moving. And it was full of personal anecdotes that reveal a side of hillary we dont often see. Hillary quietly attended debbies wedding. Stephen thats just a little sound bite from an incredibly beautiful and moving story. And it just proves what weve always known about Hillary Clinton. No matter who you are, she will attend your wedding. laughter cheers and applause a happy couple then hillary made her big entrance looking every inch a president. Or like an angel in a movie, who says you can go back to earth as the family dog. Im not sure what movie that is but i would watch it. laughter then, she talked about americas core values. Our countrys motto is e pluribus unum. Stephen great, now everyones speaking spanish. laughter talk in spanish, is that how you say it . Im not sure if im talking english right now. And then in a keeply moving moment, Hillary Clinton made history. And so it is with humility, determination, and boundless confidence in americas promise that i accept your nomination for president of the United States. cheers and applause stephen and remember, at that very moment, somewhere in that room, a supporter was trying to rip a fart. laughter applause really. Really. Really. Really puts the whole thing in perspective when you think about it. Hillary drew a stark line between herself and donald trump. I believe in science. Stephen and you know she means it because shes wearing a whrab coat. And hillary, she had a stern warning for the big banks. Wall street, corporations and the super rich are going to start paying their fair share of taxes cheers and applause stephen and i know theyre good for it because they paid me tons when i spoke to them cheers and applause it was a great speech, you have to give that to her. Hillary clinton worked a life time to achieve this historic moment. So lets talk about donald trump. laughter he is still in hot water over this little comment from yesterday. Russia, if youre listening, i hope youre able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. Stephen it was a truly reaganesque moment. It reminds me of when the gipper said, mr. Gorbachev, release naked photos of walter mondale. cheers and applause thats how he won in 1984 cheers and applause true story. True story. A lot of people forget that part of the speech. Now, encouraging a hostile Foreign Government to influence our elections is an unorthodox Campaign Strategy known in political circles as treason. laughter applause so with criticism mounting, trump did something even crazier than making a plea to Russian Hackers he took it back. The Clinton Campaign said, this is a National Security issue now. The idea that you would have any american calling for a foreign power to commit espionage in the United States for the purposes of somehow changing an election, were now in National Security space. Your reaction in you have to be kidding. And when im being sarcastic with something. Are you being sarcastic . Of course im being sarcastic. Stephen sarcasm he was being sarcastic of course now everything he says makes sense cheers and applause yeah, let me tell ya, yeah, im really going to build a wall on the border, and, yeah, mexico will pay for it. Im banning all muslims, thats really what im going to do. Its a good idea. Im going to make America Great again. cheers and applause so, if donald trump says he wasnt conspiring with a Foreign Government and he was just being sarcastic, i want him to know, i totally believe you stick around, ladies and gentlemen well be right back cheers and applause i am sebastian artois. Brewmaster. Risktaker. I sold everything i had to own a brewery. You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. to dog give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh to dog im so proud of you. Well thank you. Get your free credit scorecard at discover. Com. Even if youre not a customer. Which one of theseing awards appeals most to you . The top safety pick midsize car and suv. Most dependable. Means a lot to me. The green car because i like fuel efficiency. What if there was a car company that received all of these awards. One company won an award in all these . Chevy. Ahhhh chevy. Chevrolet is the most awarded car company of the last two years. I love it its fierce. How would you sum this car up in one word . Incredible. Amazing. I cant use one word. cheers and applause stephen hey cheers and applause welcome back, everybody thank you, jon thank you, ladies and gentlemen audience chanting stephen oh, folks, thank you so much thank you. Folks, i can tell youre excited. Im very excited. Were going to have the ladies from broad city, Abbi Jacobson and ilana glazer out here later. Stick around for that. But first, Hillary Clinton made history tonight by being the first female president ial candidate of a major party in the United States. Its a watershed moment for womens equality. I just wish the women who helped cheers and applause i just wish the women who helped build this country could be here to see it. Well, my wish is my command. Joining me live via satellite from july 4, 1776 are two female delegates from the second continental congress. Please welcome, Josephine Hindley and abitha whitmore. cheers and applause thank you for joining us. Hello, stephen. Hello, future americans or british subjects, if this doesnt work out. laughter stephen oh, do you want me to tell you how it turns out . No spoilers were going to wait till americas over, then bingewatch. Stephen okay, well, i know you guys are busy putting the finishing touches on the declaration of independence, so ill make this quick. I just wanted you to know that its 2016, and we finally have a female president ial nominee well, butter my bonnet thats incredible that is incredible im going to celebrate by making a meal for my husband, and then cleaning it up immediately cheers and applause hear that, ben franklin . Women are on top and not just your french whores laughter applause i cant believe that, in the year 1816, we finally have a female president whoo stephen no, no, im sorryi said 2016. Get the butter out of the barn are you telling me it takes us 240 years to get a female president . Stephen well, just a nominee. She hasnt been elected or anything. What the butter is wrong with you people . why did it take so long . Its right there in the declaration of independence all men are created oooooh. You knew that was supposed to mean all people, right . Stephen we figured it out eventually. But thats not how we took it at first. But you ladies are there. You should just change that now. Great idea. First thing tomorrow. Stephen why not now . Come on, its july 4 here. There are a bunch of parties tonight come on. Totally, everyones going to do mercury shots, and abithas got some dank hemp rope. Its going to be motherbuttercrayzay franklin, crank up that harpischord yeaah stephen from the year 1776, Josephine Hindley and abitha whitmore. Well be right back with Abbi Jacobson, ilana glazer, and Doris Kearns Goodwin. Stick around cheers and applause you can help prevent blindness in undernourished children across the globe by getting your vitamins at walgreens. Walgreens. At the corner of happy and healthy. 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Uh, breezy. Hands up. Weeeeeee. My bum is saying, thank you very much. Cleanripple texture is designed to clean better. Go cottonelle, go commando. Hey, youre yes, sir. Clarence you know, at the model year end clarence event, you can get a great deal on this 2016 passat. Steve. Yeah . Clarence is on a roll. Yeah. I wish theyd name an event after me. Same here. But the model year end becky event . Thats no good. Stevent thats just vandalism. Whatever you want to call it, dont miss the volkswagen model year end event. Hurry in for a onethousand dollar volkswagen reward card and 0 apr on a new 2016 passat. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause welcome back to our historic live coverage of the Democratic National conventions closing night. My guests tonight are a pulitzer prizewinning author whos had a front row seat to nearly a halfcentury of president ial history, and a pair of young women who make comedy and history with every episode of their hit show broad city. Give it up for Abbi Jacobson, ilana glazer, and doris kearns. Goodwin. cheers and applause whoo come on doris come on, do it cheers and applause stephen so good to see you. Abbi, ilana glazer, doris, thanks for being here on this historic night. Lo feeling the history of this moment . Without a question. Its historic, right . Stephen youre the historian, you have to answer that. None of us here, nobody in the history of this whole nation has seen a woman who has become a nominee of a major party. Thats history. Stephen no ones even come close. No ones even come close. The amazing thing is i think is maybe now since shes come so close, weve had 43 male president s, maybe there will be 43 female president s coming. Stephen in a row, just to even things out. And imagine some little boy will be saying, will i ever be president . laughter i feel bad. Stephen no, i have hope for him. I have hope for him. laughter now, abbi and ilana, are you people feeling the hills . Are you heading to the hills . laughter theres been some sort of complaining or im noticing that some young women who identify themselves as feminists, who do you identify yourself as feminists . That they were not being drawn to Hillary Clinton and sort of observers of your generation didnt understand. Do you think maybe thats over now that shes got the nomination . I hope. So i think there is probably a little bit of that. I hope so. I dont think you could watch tonight and this week full of these amazing speeches and not feel she is just the best candidate and not feel like, even if you did support bernie, which i love bernie, but i think right now, watching that, i was just blown away. Also, its, like, you know we talked about this, about were not we dont support hillary just because shes a woman and if you dont support hillary, that doesnt mean youre not a feminist either. You know, there is this language thats mutually exclusive and so polarizing. You have to like this and not like this, and if you like this, you dont like this. That bernie stuff was getting crazy and overlapped, like, 90 of their policies overlap. But we are im heading for the hills. Im up in the hills. cheers and applause stephen now, have all three of you met secretary clinton . I slept over with her at the white house. Stephen do go on. How did this come about . How did this come about . What happened is i was on the radio talking about franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt and how i wish i could see the second floor of the white house when they were thrall and i hadnt asked Lyndon Johnson who slept where when i was 24 and up there and she said come and well figure out whether everybody slept. We figured out bill clinton slept in Winston Churchills bathroom which meant churchills bedroom. We talked about Eleanor Roosevelt, our mutual person. Stephen i read something that she was trying to commune with Eleanor Roosevelt when she was first lady to figure out how she did such a great job. Eleanor was a mentor to hillary. I think its great. Stephen whos your mentor . Amy poehler, baby. Stephen thats a good mentor. cheers and applause to compare comedy to politics, it should be done. There is so many people that came before us and that set the path for us and amys definitely ours, not just for our show but just in general as a comedienne. Stephen you guys met secretary clinton. She was on your show, right . Yes, we met her when we begged and stopped her to be on our show laughter stephen we have a clip, the two of you coming to her Campaign Offices to volunteer. Yes. Stephen jim . laughter oh sorry, we are just so excited. Thats all right. Just take your time. One more. screaming thank, you, ilana, for all your help. You heard of me . Well, youre wearing a name tag. Abbi. Hello. College, aquarius. Secretary clinton, madam president. I cant afford to volunteer here full time but i still want to get the word out. So i vow to tweet once a week, vote for hillary, yes, yes, yes. cheers and applause stephen nice ridone. It was a very unreal experience. Stephen yeah, yeah, i imagine it would be. She was so cool and her people were so cool. Everybody was really cohesive. Stephen now, doris, people always say about secretary clinton, this gets said over and over again, that she is the most qualified candidate to ever seek the office of president. Is that hyperbole or true . There have been a lot of qualified people, havent there . President obama said that the other night, even more qualified than bill or him. Shes had experience at all sorts of levels. Think about it when she was first lady in arkansas she saw it from a state level, then she was at the white house so she saw the precious of president , then senator of new york and secretary of state. So all the levels of government shes seen, shes been a Public Servant. Today being a politician is not looked on as an honorable thing. But if she can change that perspective and say being a Public Servant for a lifetime. Eisenhower, the saying for him was i like ike because ike is easy to like, so that helped him a lot. Stephen im not sure if we could memorize that. Isnt that the kind of thing you would say . Stephen yeah, im simpleminded. If youre likable, it helps you get elected, experience helps you but the most important thing of all is temperament, character, disposition, emotional intelligence, resilience, those are the questions that we really have to care about with both of these characters. Stephen what president what modern, 20th century president had the best temperament for the office . I would say f. D. R. The middle of the depression, what does he do . Come on to the stage and say things will be all right because i believe in the future. He was optimistic, come through polio, he was able to become a huge leader without the ability to walk on his own power. The minute he got elected, people wrote in said, my roof fell off, dog died, wife hates me but its all right because youre there in the white house. Thats the temperament that connects with people. You look surprised. Stephen im not surprised, but that is a feeling i havent seen a politician be able to convey in my lifetime. I think thats fair. Stephen not even obama or bill clinton who connected well. Maybe even reagan, actually. Reagan made them feel it was morning in america or tomorrow was i going to be more hopeful because of his own sunny disposition. And i think thats important. You need to feel good about your country and where its going and feel you have confidence in the person, but that person has to have confidence in themselves. Thats key. You have to have confidence in yourself or you cant project fun and humor, when youre doing comedy. Stephen do you . Because i find insecurity makes me be more accurate. Were you guys together backstage before you came on . They saw me in my curlers. We stood in a cloud of smoke together. A really long time. Almost all of us got lost. Stephen because the three of you were standing in the cloud of smoke and because of who you are, i have to ask you, really, doris, are you high right now . laughter yoyou dont have to answer that. Doris kearns goodwin, Abbi Jacobson and ilana glazer, everybody well be right back cheers and applause whats yours . Illion ways to top your kids rice krispies. A dash of fruit in their favorite color. A bunch of pineapple cause hey its summer bananas and berries cause the letter b rocks. A little bit of yogurt . Sure why not . The fun never stops how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop . Youll never have to fear a tight parking space. In parallel and perpendicular spaces, the car can steer itself right in. Introducing the 2017 ford fusion with enhanced active park assist. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Trouble can pop up anywhere. The ford fusion can detect a pedestrian, alert you and if you dont brake, it can brake for you. Introducing the 2017 ford fusion with precollision assist with pedestrian detection. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. One of the biggest stories of this week was watching thousands of disappointed Bernie Sanders supporters finally come around to support Hillary Clinton. They had to modified feel the bern to feel the denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But some supporters will never give up on their candidate. Tonight, we profile a true believer. Jim . A fight isnt over till its over and i felt it was important to come here even though my candidate wasnt the guy. I support Martin Omalley for president. She was a former governor of maryland, mayor of baltimore, a real fighter. I had to make this myself. Because they stopped selling them months ago. I had one that was beautiful but i was caught in the rain one day and the colors ran. But im still fighting the good fight. Hey when are you going to start selling these again . A real go getter. Okay, he dropped out. In february when he got a third of the iowa caucus, Martin Omalley. The best, spoke twice during the debates. They asked him a question once but he spoke twice. You dont remember from, baltimore, Martin Omalley wants to tax Capital Gains as normal income he plays rock guitar omalley is my pally give me a hug, please. Come on, buddy, give me some slack America Needs it i need it ms. Susan sarandon, you dont have a monopoly on sour grapes. I think my favorite story on Martin Omalley is when he was at the state house oh, my gosh im a minority omalley supporter. If you need me to stage a walkout, im there for you, sir. I really appreciate your enthusiasm, but its time to knock it off. Its time to get behind Hillary Clinton, okay . Stop, already and lets be honest. This isnt the first time weve had this conversation. The country needs you, richard. Be for hillary. I hear you, sir. How about in four years . Im not going to give up on this. I believe in this. Because this is america. Where dreams can come true. cheers and applause stephen well be right back with eric andre, everybody stick around. Whenoff the wheel to getands out of a tight spot. When you can relax with your foot off the brake and stay put. And when you enjoy 400 horsepower thats both smooth and controlled. Thats the more human side of engineering. This is the lincoln summer invitation, hurry in now to your dealer for limited time offers lease an mkc for 289 a month or get 0 apr for 60 months and Just Announced 1,000 dollars summer invitation bonus. Officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. Woo hoo over you to you tom things have gone totally around the bend. Cmmon boys rarin to go because of new doritos mix, there is boldness everywhere. [robotic voice doritos ] i quit has the world gone completely bold . New doritos mix. Four snacks in one. cheers and applause stephen welcome back my next guest is the host of a funny, strange, and wonderful show on adult swim. Please welcome eric andre cheers and applause thank you stephen please, right there. cheers and applause oh, my nipples are erect stephen are they really . Im red hot. I feel great. Stephen im glad. Are you excited im excited. Im very titilated right now. Stephen did you get side by side in a bathtub with someone . I will tonight if you play your cards right you handsome hunk. Stephen i thought you were excited about the first female candidate. I wasnt watching. Stephen big night. Are you familiar with Hillary Clinton. I know paul sangus. Dowio know him . Stephen good man. Everyone likes a reference to paul snooflt youre a fellow talk show host. Yeah, but youre good at it and im bad at it. Stephen youre very good at it. What i like about your talk show is that you do not seem to care. Yes. Stephen like, professionally, you dont care at a approval level. That is part of my strategy. I dont give a f. Stephen whoa, were live, baby. Is this pg or pg13 . The f stands for fun, okay . laughter stephen one of my favorite things about you is you dont mind making people feel uncomfortable. Yeah. Stephen i love awkwardness. I love putting myself in embarrassing situations. I get red hot when i do it, yes. Stephen you recently went to the r. N. C. Yeah. Stephen it was fun. I jammed out with alex jones. Hes a war against info. laughter stephen hes so on a war against info he doesnt even want to know about the nation, doesnt care about themation. He just wants the info. Stephen we enjoyed it very much. We have a clip. Hey bring the daily show guy up here. You seem upset. I want you to have sex with my wife. booing arguing im trying to get on stage. Im trying to get on stage. Youre not Martin Luther king youre not coachella sucks this year cheers and applause stephen now, was at the hard to get up on stage with that crowd . That was an open carry state, ohio. Everybody had guns and knives and im, like, im going to die. This is where my life ends. Stephen you misjudged the crowd. You owe them an apology. Im sorry, crowd. Stephen did you go to the democratic did go to the d. N. C. Were going to put out a d. N. C. Video. Stephen what was the vibe . It was a little more mellow. They smoke a little more weed. I dont know whats allowed anymore. The w word, they smoke a little more weed at the bernie rallies than at the hells angels for trump rallies. laughter stephen i tried to get on stage at both places. It was much easier to get on stage at the r. N. C. Than the d. N. C. Really . We got our passes revoked at the r. N. C. So we couldnt get near the d. N. C. We got our passes through a company who i cant mention. Stephen why cant you mention the company . Because i will get in trouble at my job, mr. Colbert stephen but dont you get in trouble for a living . I do for a living but not with the brass at headquarters. Stephen all right, all right. I want to have a fifth season of the show. Stephen when does the Fourth Season start . August 5. Not this friday, next friday. Stephen congratulations on that. cheers and applause i got this made in central park today. It is a representation of our love. This is for you, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause stephen this is you . Yeah. Stephen this is you . I cant tell whos you or whos me. I think thats edward snowden, actually. laughter stephen or it might be billie jean king. Its macy gray. I know that for a fact. singing stephen is this for me . Yeah. Stephen would you sign it for me . Yes. Stephen what is this . Its a joint laughter no, its a charcoal pen. Stephen did you draw this . Yeah, i drew it. Whatever. Stephen did you like getting in trouble when you were a kid, too . Yes, im glad you asked. I did. I got suspended a lot from school. I got straight as, but i always got stephen really . I looked like steve urkel for the first 20 years of my life. Stephen uhhuh. You know the only break in case of emergency fire hose things . Stephen yes. My friend brooke walked into the english building, and i said, check this out i bashed my head through it, leaned back and two shards of glass cut my hands and i had blood pouring out of my hands and forehead and i said stigmata call the way to chemistry class stephen the Eric Andre Show season four premieres next friday on adult swim. Eric andre, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause from the first moment you met it was love at first touch and all you wanted to do was surround them in comfort and protection thats why only pampers swaddlers is the 1 choice of hospitals to wrap your baby in blanketlike softness and premium protection mom oh hi baby so all they feel is love wishing you love, sleep and play. Pampers i cant believe we live in the middle of all this. Theyre supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. Really. . I read that once. State farm knows that for every one of those moments, theres one of these. Wild mustangs . . 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You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy cheers and applause stephen hey welcome back to our final Live Convention show you are here for an historic night because never in the history of the United States have i been this tired. But its been worth it because weve had an incredible two weeks doing what i love most, watching tv. Weve had a lot of fun, and if you werent careful, you might have learned something, like whats a mike pence . But watching the campaign, i have been disturbed about how contention these conventions have been. It feels like republicans and democrats have never been so far apart. So we went to ask delegates the nicest thing they could say about the opposing partys candidate. Not once has she broken into my home and stolen food from my fridge. If she was a cannibal, we would know by now. She has all of her teeth. Ive seen her out in the daylight as well as her reflection in the mirror, so shes probably not a vampire. She is not covered in unsightly gravy stains. He probably would only push the button if he felt personally insulted. He has, so far, avoided prison. Hes probably a member of the clean plate club. He doesnt drink, so when he says crazy stuff, you can be confident that he means it. I dont think hes hitler because hitler is dead. applause stephen well be right back cheers and applause , with this level of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. See your authorized dealer for exceptional offers through mercedesbenz financial services. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. cheers and applause stephen well, thats it for my two weeks of Live Convention shows thank you for staying up with me now get some sleep, youre going to need your strength to make it through the general election. Join me tomorrow for a special highlights episode. James corden is next with his guests, Dominic Cooper and kristin chenoweth. Good night cheers and applause whoo captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org the pga championship first came to life just an hour away at the country club in newor