Tonight steve 18 take on whats inside Donald Trumps ego bruising. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey, whats goi on, my man . Ng hey please, have a seat. Youve earned it oh, my gosh. Welcome the late show. Welcome to the late show, everybody. That response is like an oasis in the desert at the end of a tough receives a a folder full of positive news about himself twice a day. Positive news twice a day . Man, he should really share it with the rest of us. The folder is a 20 to 25page packet of praisefilled news stories, delivered around 9 30 a. M. , along with a followup around 4 30 p. M. So, once at breakfast, once again after lunch, and if hes still cranky at bedtime, they put up his mobile of breitbart stories. Its just black and white because rods and cones. Of course, trump is a hard man to please, which is why the only feedback his staff has gotten on these folders is, it needs to be more bleep positive. laughter more positive . If he loves himself any more, hell go blind. laughter cheers and applause but even folks in the white house know this is weird. This is strange. Because, apparently, some of them call the folder the propaganda document. Now, hold the phone, chuck. Propaganda is supposed to brainwash the citizens into loving the leader, not brainwash the leader into loving himself. laer ug would have said, chairman, youre doing amaozing cheers and applause words to that effect. Translate different translations. The president apparently likes to see admiring tweets, screenshots of positive cable news chyrons those lowerthird headlines on the bottom of the screen and sometimes just pictures of trump on tv looking powerful. Well, you know what . There is just not enough of that out there. So our inhouse news team, real news tonight, is ready to help. Welcome to real news tonight. Im jill news lady. And im jim anchorton. Tonight we debut our newests, jill. Whats in the file today. For starters these totally true lower third graphics which would look beautiful framed on the president s desk. Next up in the smile file, the president looks powerful on tv. Here he is lifting a car to save a baby. Trump looks strong. Trump is strong. And here he is punching a hole in the moon. Never saw president obama kns weakness. Finally in the smile file, its zippy, the monkey friend young donald trump used to hold as he fell asleep. Remember, donald. You thought you lost zippy forever but zippy is back and he has a message for you. I love you, donald. Youre doing a great job as property plus, no one else exists, and youre never going to try. True, that scripster. Next, the president s upcoming biopick. Stay tuned. cheers and applause stephen thank you, thank you. Real news men. Real news men. One thing that does not make trump happy is that there ever was a man named barack obama. In fact, in a recent interview, a group of european diplomats said, trump is obsessed with obama and cares only about undoing his policies. Thats not fair. He also cares about chocolate cake, ice cream, and two of his children. laughter applause as woon as one the nice ones. As one diplomat put it, its his only real position. He will ask, did obama approve this . and if the answer is affirmative, he will say, we dont. what did obama order for dinner at the g20, the chicken . Im going with the fish, and im taking away the chickens healthcare. cheers and applause well fix that. Well fix that. Well fix that. Thats fixable. Internationally, trump has become such an object of ridicule that one group of diplomats plays a version of word bingo when trump speaks, taking advantage of what they view as his limited vocabulary. laughter applause thats fun. Id play that. A drinky game. Maybe a drinking game. And heres how you know when you win trump bingo. Bing bing bing laughter stephen bing, bing, bing, bing and trump took this obama obsession a step further yesterday when the president retweeted a twitter poll, which has no scientific basis, from a protrump conspiracy twitter page that asked, who is a better president of the United States . Surprise trump won 61 to 39 . Well, hey, look no we can do a poll just as scientific as that right now. Lets do our poll using the elbowtron 5700. Who thinks i would be a better president than donald trump cheers and applause hold on. Oh, look at this. See this . Are you seeing this . Are we rolling on this . Ive never seen this. Ive never seen this. Stephen Stephen StephenStephen Stephen stephen cheers and applause oh, my god, the elbowtron has never gone that far before. Well, thats science right there. We cant argue with that. Speaking of popular rulers, you guys watch game of thrones . cheers and applause i never miss it. I never miss it. It has the kind of sex and decapitation that you just dont get on kevin can wait. laughter heres t there are three ngmore episodes left int game of thrones season, but you may not have to wait for them because theres been a big game of thrones leak after hbo was hacked. Now, its unclear how the network got hacked possibly because 300 million of us all share the same hbogo password. laughter so 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Something Like that. So far the hackers have posted stolen game of thrones scripts online and are demanding a bitcoin ransom of 6 million. And if they dont get their money, they say they might release naked pictures of the cast. laughter theyre always naked. Now, the hackers even sent a taunting statement to reporters, saying, hi to all mankind. The greatest leak of cyber space era is happening. Whats its name . Oh, i forget to tell. Its hbo and game of thrones. you are lucky to be the first pioneers to witness and download the leak. Hbo is falling. Now, im not sure who it is, but id look for someone who doublemajored in Computer Science and terrible poetry. Now, dont ask me how. Please dont ask me, jon. Jon i anticipate going there. Stephen dont ask me how. Are you tempted to ask me how . Jon im tempt gld fight it dont ask me how, but the late show has obtained these leaks before anyone else, and since it will all become public anyway, were going to spoil the spoilers tonight. This is a song of leaks and spoilers. cheers and applause hark a raven whats that . Whats that . . u tyoa ahalk here we go. Fly laughter these are the leaks. As far as you know. Leak number one the white walkers finally break through the wall, then turn to camera and say, we are a hamfisted allegory for climate change. cheers and applause leak number two ed sheeran doesnt show upagn s the bnere laughter applause actu leak. Actual leak. Jon oh, wow. Do you want toknow how i got t . Jon i want to know. Stephen i said dont ask me, jon. Jon im not asking how. I nt to ow where you got it from. Stephen i got it from the raven. Whats the difference between you who and where i got it from. J can figure out the thing. Iif you get the raven, see stephen no, jon, nice try. Leak number three is this three . Is this three so far . It feels like much more than that so far. Leak number three daenerys flies her dragon 88 miles an hour and travels back in time with michael j. Fox to stop her father from being murdered. cheers and applause leak number four all of the main characters die before the last episode, and the finale is just an hour of people farming. laughter id watch that. I would watch that. I would watch that in a minute. The last line of the series is, leak number five. The last line of the series is we call it a game of thrones. Its a regional thing, like soda and pop. ap, sela pl leak. Next season, the series changes its name to its more honest title, lord of the rings with butt stuff. laughter applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Its friday that means midnight confessions. Stick around cheers and applause whats going on here . Um. Im babysitting. Thatll be 50 bucks. You said 30. Yeah, well it was 30 before my fees, like the pizzaordering fee and the dogsitting fee. And the rummage through your closet fee. Are those my heels . Yeah yeah, were the same size. In shoes. With tmobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just 40 bucks each. And now, get zero down on the hottest smartphone brands. Llw c owhokeurrs ls auyoghia hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. Take 25 off nike ls get the gear. Win the school year. Right now get 25 off select nike shoes, apparel and accessories for the whole family and, everyone gets kohls cash earn it on everything spend it on anything game on kohls. Latches onto youry filittle hand itsike essang iove u. Ng serrd, thats why aveenos oat formula is designed for your babys sensitive skin. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful babies. Its about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. They got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. chuckling or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. laughing or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. laughing ndleftne to tinto a flamecker youll need a spark. New emergenc Energy Natural caffeine from green tea to focus your mind. 7 b vitamins plus vitamin c to fortify you. Spark the energy within you every day. Emergenc energy . Emerge and see. Vo jacks got your back. Hits, jack somebody craving my smoky jack burger . Vo the smoky jack burger combo for 4. 99. Vo hickorysmoked bacon, smoked cheddar cheese, vo all on an artisan poppyseed bun. Vo plus fries and a refreshing drink. Vo all for just 4. 99. Man thanks, jack jack youre welcome. Vo the new smoky jack burger combo for just 4. 99. Vo only at jack in the box. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey jon batiste and stay human, everybody. Right there. Give it up for the band. Jon, you know its friday. Have you got plans for the weekend . Jon oh, man, im just chilling out this weekend, staying in new york. Walking around central park. What have you got happening . Stephen i think i might do the same thing. I dont want to leave. Im afraid i wont be able to get back on monday. I dont want anything to get inn the way of the fact im talking to Anthony Scaramucci on monday. Theres the mooch. Iering tev he gets that here askyw him all kinds of questions like, how did you get all your work done so fast that you left in 10 days . Thats so efficient. Anyway, come onstab eddiestab, er eddie. V its g ooing to be great. I am a catholic. But im so busy, i hardly make it to church any more. Its what we catholics call, holy ghosting. And what i miss most about my church is confession. So if you dont mind, id like to confess to you, my audience. You wont tell anybody, right . Audience of course not stephen great. This is Stephen Colberts midnight confessions cheers and applause laughter standard disclaimer i dont know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. Okay, rile beht rig forgive me audience. After everything hes seen me do, if my dog could talk, i dont think wed be on speaking terms. laughter audience, audience, if i like a photo of your baby on facebook, its not because its cute. Its because im imagining how you made that baby. laughter applause good job, by the way. Good job. I didnt think you could mack a baby that way. Audience, i hate it when people talk in movies, but i still think i should be allowed to hum the jeopardy theme during the bore parts. Sometimes, sometimes, audience, i pretend to care about sports more than i actually do. Go, sports. laughter sports. Put the thing put the thing, or the ball, or whatever, where you want it to be and dont let the other guys prevent you from doing it. laughter i always add guacamole, no im in. What kind of restaurant spaghetti and meatballs . Toss some gawk molly on there. Audience, i dont have drawers for my clothes. I believe thats what the dryer is for. Forgive me, audience, the most exercise i ever got from my treadmill was dragging it out to the garbe. laughter applause sometimes, sometimes i turn off my my cars g. P. S. A few blocks from home so i can feel like an explorer. laughter i still have no idea if aluminum foil is recyclable. But if it is. Could someone pick this up . applause pard theme whenever someone says good things come to those who wait, i wait a little, then i slap them. Se forgive me, audience. Audience we forgive you stephen thanks. Audience we forgive you stephen thanks. Well be right back. Audience we forgive you sd phen thanks. Wea circadian rhythm disorder that can turn my sleep cycles upside down. [vo] progress is seizing the moment. Your summer moment awaits you now that the summer of audi sales event is here. Audi will cover your first months le moure ofsae enpa sast onenelect audi will cover your first cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there. cheers and applause im pretty excited. And you know why. Jon oh, yeah. Stephen because my first guest tonight is a legendary entertainer you know from his standup and, of course, from that show of his. Hes now appearing throughout this month at radio city music hall. Please welcome mr. Dave chappelle. applause thanks, you guys. Stephen thanks for being here. Absolute pleasure. I dont know why cheers and applause i got, like, nervous when you did that. Stephen well, youre doing a residency at radio city music hall for 14 days in august, right . You have already done your first show. Actually i got like , i think as of a day or so, it will be 16. Stephen so you added two more shows. We added two more shows, solange is joining us. Its going to be a great lineup. Ushe joining us. A bunch of people. Stephen you have to imagine this is what the sound is like at radio city music hall but now im ertevous again. Stephen well, thanks for being here. What is on your mind . What are you thinking about . I have been thinking about these shows. You know, the reason im doing this residency is its a personal thing. Its, like, my 30th anniversary in comedy. applause and as you will know, this is a heck of a business to survive that long. I really didnt think i would make it that far. Stephen well, what did you think would happen . Actually, to be honest, i upon upon thought i would do much better than i did. Stephen we thought you were gone for a while. Yeah, well, it was funny the whole tim nobody saw me, i it wasnt like i wasnt doing anything. Wasnt under the hot lights. Stephen you were working out. This is what you this is you now in case this didnt give it away. May i touch you . Please, please, please. Look at that. Look at that, stephen. Stephen are you so famous you need to be your own security detail . What led you to the pumped, ripped, fully shredded and exploded Dave Chappelle over here . Because you didnt always have the beef. No, no. It was an accident. It wasave sequence of events no, no, it was an accident. Step one i got married. And, you know, marriage comes with snacks and naps. Stephen if youre lucky yeah. Im a lucky guy. And then after that, it was, like, when i quit the show, i was just, like, stressed all the time. So i just started stephen stressed from having quit the show . I thought the show was the stress. No, no, the fear of poverty is a treadmill. So i just started working out to alleviate the physical symptoms of stress. And then it just took a few weeks before someone said, dave, you look good. Do i . And after that, i was off to the races. Stephen well, so, 30th anniversary of doing comedy. What do you think of the state of comedy now . I mean, what have you seen change from age how old were you when it started . I was 14. Stephen 14. Your mom let you do a gig at 14 . Oh, my god, she would tape me, in the beginning. Stephen to the clubs. Yeah. Oh, my god, yeah. And then, after the show i cant really say it on television she would critique my act on the drive home, which is a very long ride. You dont want to hear your mom say those bleep jokes need to be cut. Stephen okay, okay. All right, but lets be fair. Was she right . Did those bleep jokes need to be cut . She was wrong. She was right in the sense its gross itsross to hear a teenager talk about that. That was what it was when i was starting out. I didnt really have anything to talk about, because i hadnt done anything yet. But from her perspective, i imagined, you know, this is like 87 d. C. , crack epidemic, so many bad things that i could have gotten into, that she was like, well, if he is doing this, at least i know where he is. At least i know who he is around. Stephen was there drugs and alcohol in the clubs . Were people there tempting you . It wasnt tempting. It was like dudes having cocaine nosebleeds, and all kinds of crazy stuff like that. Drgthede uugp o salott ii probably smoking cigarettes. Stephen do you still smoke . Just moments before i came out here. stephen you said you hosted s. N. L. I think the weekend after trump was elected. Right. Stephen is that true . Is the time right there, about that . Yeah, theaturday after that tuesday. And you said sort of faismsly at the time, weve got to give this guy a chance. Stephen now were seven, eight months, how do you feel about the chances . Do you still want to give him a chance . Its not like i wanted to give him a stephen and you said, sort of unusually at the time, you said, weve got to give this chance that night. Stephen im not saying its a bad thing. Im not criticizing that you said that. I think its a really good impulse. How do you feel about how do you feel about the guy now . You know, listen, man. In the last six months, i think were all gettinng dont educat know that ive evr heard in popular discourse people discussing ethics this much. And i didnt even realize how ethics was supposed to work at at setuff in the forefront. Stephen well, nobody really talks about oxygen until somebody has their hands around your throat. cheers and applause . Very true. But, but, if you remember, in that monologue, in that emmyominat monologue laughter the episode was emmy nominated. Its what they call the ugly emmy. They send it to you in the mail if you win. Stephen the schemmys. The schemmys. The beginning of the monologue i contextualized because i feel like a lot of white americans have finally gotten to see what an Election Night looks like for many black americans every cycle. Stephen oh, the shock. Yeah. Stephen how could this happen . Yeah, the shock of it was, like, man, come on. I think it speaks to how effectivecy was it speaks to track. Good foot, bad foot. I think hell make a more informed and better voter. People will figure it out. Well figure it out. Well work it out. Hes a polarizing dude. Hes like a bad d. J. At a good party. applause stephen 30 years in, 30 years in, so 30year anniversary of doing comedy, doing these now 16 days. There are a lot of ms cianus instance, this will be the first time that me and chris rock havever officially headlined together. applause stephen you got chance, d will be joining you. , sole ang good laiuck swith the run. Im sure it will be great. I hope i get a chance to see one of the shows. Before we go you should. You should just pop by and do, like, five minutes. cheers and applause it would be great. Stephen that would be great. I think i speak for a lot of people i think i speak for a lot of people and i know youve been back for a while but to say im glad youre back. But i need to ask you, how back are you . Because i dont want to fall in love and lose you again. laughter you know what i mean . Like, i might say, i love Dave Chappelle. I love watching his comedy. And the nthing you know youve got out for a pack of smokes and youre gone for 15 years. How back are you . Im around. I never really go away. I pop up all over the country. I feel grateful, because when i do pop up, people still come out and we have a great time. I have to tail, ive been watching you man, for years, and i really do think you are one of the most important voices comedy has. cheers and applause stephen thats very nice of you to say. Thanks so much. Dave chappelle is at radio cityt hallhc oug hr looking for adventure this summer . Holy smokes. Oh man, thats pretty intense. Look no further than chevrolet. This is a fast car. I feel like i left my soul back there. Wow. This has power what a nice car. Go for thrilling drives and deals today at the chevy summer drive. Now through august 14th, get 20 below msrp on all chevy malibu lt models. Thats over fiftythree hundred dollars on this chevy malibu. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. With motionsense technology. Degree has redefined deodorant so that i can redefine. Power. Footwork. Range. The more i move, the more it works. Degree. It wont let you down. Poallergies . Reather. Stuffy nose . Cant sleep . Take that. A breathe right nasal strip instantly opens your nose up to 38 more than allergy medicine alone. Shut your mouth and say goodnight, mouthbreathers. Breathe right. Heineken is served its world famous. Like me. Come here. Look it happens all the time. Antonio banderas its Antonio Banderas from the movies. Enjoyed in 192 countries. Theres more behind the star. Dennys your house. Rries and cream pancakes are in the house. Get whatever you want, whenever you want, now wherever you want. Ordem applause . Stephen hey, everybody welcome back. My next guest tonight is a tony tonynominee you know from bridesmaids girls and the i. T. Crowd they like that show. And he now stars in theeri getes shortie. Please welcome chris odowd. applause stephen i gotta tell you, not every guest gets that kind of reaction from just one of the things on their c. V. Its a good one, though. Anok m yout. Th. At waser i never met you before. Yeah, i know, its nice. Stephen yeah. laughter your accents betrays that youre a ferner. Youre not from around here, stranger. I understand youre from roscommon. Thats right. Stephen my family, too . Stop it. Stephen not at all. My b roscommon, right. The colbertcans. Have you been. Stephen yes . Its nice. Stephen oh, its lovely. A lot of bog. Stephen a lot of peat. A lot of peat. If youre into soil its really the place for you. You probably dont upon this, we have the best Football Team in ireland. Stephen oh, i didnt know that. You mean soccer, right . No, i mean gaelic football. Stephen oh, gaelic football, sure. Which is a sport for strong men. laughter stephen did you play . Did you play . I played a bit. Stephen yeah . I played a bit because i was tall. Stephen does that help . Big advantage. Stephen you attended drama school in london. Right. Stephen okay. And was that fun . How old were you when you went there . Like, 20. Stephen thats a good yeit len first, and i wanted to be a political speechwriter. Stephen really . Yeah. Stephen what drew you to that . Ive always liked orator orad wellused words. laughter down, all worndown words, well used . Thats right. Overly used phrases and lexicon. But anyway, i started doing plays when i was in college doing that. Gave up onnons these. And then went to drama school and struggled for 10 years. Stephen 10 years . Thats a long time to struggle. Yeah. Stephen its good for you, though, dont you think. Suffering is good . I dont know if thats true. Stephen its common. I dont know if its good, but its a common thing. Its a hard thing to say around irish people. Hey, this strug cell great for you. Its character building you dont need that food nonsense. Stephen i understand, you had you had a job when you were a young actor trying to make it for is it the World Wildlife fund . Oh, right, yes. I was, like i was, like, a call center operative. Stephen you call people and say, give moneyo we can save the animals . Thats right. I was on the endangered species beat. Stephen oh, give us money now because these things could be done. These guys are in trouble. Lets do it today. Let problem is, endangered species, theres a kind of really cool ones, like lhe, anod those. And most of the endangered species are, like, a newt from loofng or a bat from new zealand or whatever. Bat applause sadly, they are no longer. laughter but when you when you call someone and youre like, you know, i need money because were trying to sav these zealand. Theyre like, oh, that sounds great. How do we get rid of these bats . Nobody likes bats stephen just pandas. Or make up animals. laughter . Stephen you just made up animals . Well, because they i was getting so little money, and it was, like, commission. And we were genuinely trying to save animals. So i would i created a couple of creatures. Stephen like what . Like what . Like for a whole year, i was saving the species, the tiger swan. laughter which stephen the tiger swan jaits essentially a swan with the plumage of a bengal. Stephen and theyre endangered. Theyre in so much trouble, stephen laughter . Stephen has anyone ever seen one of them . This is the thing and time ive never heard of it. And, of course, the response s, theyre really ra otherwise, i wouldnt be calling. Re. We would just let them get on with their business. Stephen it it work . otlaught ner . Stephen okay. But it was a good year. Stephen now youve got the series on epix, get shortie. Yes. Stephen this is a book. Its been a movie. What do we see in the series that is different . Whats the value added here . Well, i feel like its stephen feel free to lie because ill believe anything you say to me. laughter . Its, obviously, we work from the same kind of book, the great Elmore Leonard novel. But totally its very different. Its like youre visiting a bar at a different time of the week. The movie is kind of slick and cool. Its like visiting a bar, like, 9 00 p. M. On a saturday where everybody is dressed really well, and theyre using their pickup lines. On our show its, like, 3 00 a. M. On a tuesday. Youre kind of fighting with your girlfriend. The floor is sticky. The bar bill is about to arrive, and you cant pay it. And its, like, enter scene. But its gre. Is,in id think o. And steen we have a clip here . We do not have a clip. Oh, good, ill do it no. Stephen imagine this. Imagine this laughter but on on. Somewhere else, on a different show. cheers and applause thank you very much. Stephen get shortie premieres sundays on epix. Chris odowd, everybody. cat meows snap sheba® perfect portions™. Introducing the new moto z with moto mods. Hello moto. 321 liftoff gasps oh cheering buy the new moto z with shattershield, and youll get a free projector mod. Hello moto. Hmm. I cant decide if this place is swag or bling. Its pretzels. Word. Ladies, you know when you switch, you get my bombdiggity disctos aullntticama no duh, right . [ chuckles ] sir, you forgot keep it. Youre gonna need it when i make it precipitate. What, what . What . What, what . At best buy. Msung galaxy s8. From far away. But they honly see his wrinkles. Hes gotta play it cool to seal the deal. Better find a way to smooth things over. If only harry used some. Bounce, to dry. Yeah he would be a less wrinkly, and winning at life. Sailin away on the crest of ea wave, its like magic rollin and ridin and slippin and slidin its magic introducing the all new volkswagen tiguan. Higher and higher, baby the new king of the concrete jungle. You never know whatll inspire you. The rhythm of the waves. Er. Thlangthuage, hte laug or the noise in the night. And give it all back. Experience moe as a member. The marriott portfolo has 30 brands in over 110 countries so no matter where you go, you are here. Take 25 off under armour thats 25 off select under armour apparel, shoes and accessories for the whole family and, everyone gets kohls cash . Earn it on everything spend it on anything get your game on with under armour. Without pg es assistance, without their training our collaboration with pg e is centered around public safety. We could not do our mission to keep our Community Safe. Anytime we are responding to a structure fire,and ectrt y. On we could not do our mission to keep our Community Safe. Its my job to make sure that they have the training that they need to make the scene safe for themselves and for the public. Its handson training actually turning valves, turning systems off, looking at different wire systems all that training is crucial to keeping our Community Safe and our firefighters safe. Together, were building a better california. Shen come back. Ladies and gentlemen, what atne ekwsy twehe late show. There was that dogs on surfboards video, trump playing golf and what was that other thing . Oh, right, impending nurmo nuclear war. laughter but before the president tweets us into the apocklism, lets take a look back at the best of this weeks late show. Things will happen to them like they never thought possible. Okay . North korea, better get their act together, or theyre going to be in trouble like fewtions n world. Inna this okay . Stephen oh, my god. laughter i think he just threatened to be their president. laughter applause north korea now claims to be able to reach guam with their missiles and destroy it with enveloping fre. Is kim jongun launching a missile or a series of erotic novels . laughter looks good. According to usa today, President Trump has sent private messages to russias special counsel can thrussias specialc. Trumpinspired greeting w. No ea that youre thinking about them. Like im gilt. Ty, of Stephen Donald trump is on club in bedminister, new jersey. Hes there to relax no, youve got to give it to him. Hes there to relax after months of grueling golf at maralargom says whenever he visits eastern europe. Wheres the bride . Come on. Cough her up. Congratulations, youre the bigr first seasons character is named 11. Is 13t . laughter te w thas im afraid thats all we have time for. Thank you so much. Okay, you know what it is when a black woman gets a weave . Stephen yeah, i have a general idea. I have a general idea. Okay, im going to ask you how you know off camera. But heres the thinghter . Stephen brace yourself forlg this . C. E. O. Of hersheys discovered millennials are interested in flavor flavors an. Which is why hersheys has halted production on lil blandies. Stephen from now on, any guy who manspreads or mansplains, may be wooden slaughtered. Wow, this is what kim jongun is arming his missiles with, actually. Right, were all doomed. Thiss 135,000 skovals, so heres where we crank it. Stephen all right, thats not fooling around. Very stephen yeah. This feeling i have in mymoky sh right now is what i was afraid of from the beginning of this. laughter applause bleep damn it. applause cheers and applause . Stephen weve been so distracted by trumps showdowns with kim jongun this week, that we have missed some other really big stories here on the show, like trumps showdown with Senate Majority leader and man being told they stopped serving breakfast at 11 a. M. , mitch mcconnell. applause all i hear is repeal and replace. And then i get there, and i said, wheres the bill . I want to sign it. First day. And they dont have it. Ial andy, s va replace . Stephen i dont know. Maybe check behind that wall you didnt build. cheers and applause aselau. rs [brother] any last words . [boy] karma [vo] progress is seizing the moment. Your summer moment awaits you, now that the summer of audi sales event is here. [vo] your summer moment awaits you now that the summer of audi hs le sales event is here. E payment now that the summer of audi on select models during the summer of audi sales event. Stephen thats if for the late show everybody. Join me next week when ill be joined by Anthony Scaramucci, daniel craig, and tiffany haddish. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh agb ss. Wce the raihas takenhe 99 championship by storm. After 48 hours the story line has drastically changed