[ light laughter ] donald trump is reportedly considering arriving at his inauguration by helicopter, and so is chris christie. [ light laughter ] take me with you i cant go back to new jersey former Trump Campaign manager Cory Lewandowski said today that Donald Trumps presidency will make it okay for people to say Merry Christmas again. Cory, weve always been allowed to say Merry Christmas, its just no one says it to you. [ light laughter ] a Skin Care Company has launched a new cream designed to combat neck wrinkles. Im sorry, neck wrinkles. [ light laughter ] when i say neck, my neck seizes up. It is like oh, my neck is ringing. [ light laughter ] keep talking, all right, here we go. A Skin Care Company has launched a new cream designed to combat neck wrinkles formed by looking down at phones and laptops. No words on how to combat the neck wrinkles formed by looking down on immigrants. [ audience oohs ] [ cheers and applause ] took a while. Took a while. We got there. We got there. A long walk. [ light laughter ] facebook has filed a patent on a system to automatically identify and remove posts containing fake news, and just after the nick of time. [ light laughter ] abcs the bachelor has launched its own collection of wines. 25 different types, but theyre pretty much indistinguishable from each other. [ light laughter ] white. White. [ light laughter ] and finally, a company is developed a new bed spread that can make itself every morning. How it works is you live with your mom. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, youre here on an excellent night. He is one of our favorites, Academy Award winning Filmmaker Michael Moore will be here. [ cheers and applause ] and were going to talk about the election and how it completely matched up with his predictions for it. Also from vh1, the host of the new season of americas next top model, and an incredible musician, rita ora is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from the wonderful kasey musgraves. So, youre here on a very good night. Before we get to all that, since the election of donald trump and the ascension of his righthand man, steve bannon, there have been fears about the rise of white supremacy. Yet the media seems to be bending over backward to normalize the socalled alt right movement. Take this recent headline from cnn. Com. Hipster or hate monger, the trendy young face of austrias far right. This brings us to a segment we call hey [ applause ] hey, media, what are you doing . How do you confuse hipsters with nazis . Nazis like to invade other peoples territory and turn it into a utopia for the white race, whereas hispters, okay, okay. [ light laughter ] now i see the confusion. But still. Still. Check out this article from the la times. White nationalist come to washington in hope of influencing trump. Hey, just a tip, news media, if youre trying to warn us about the dangers of White Supremacists, maybe dont use their tinder pic. [ light laughter ] i enjoy tennis, backgammon and forced walks on the beach. And hey alt right is the name they picked for themselves. You dont have to use it. If zombies wanted to be called postlife brain foodies, wed still call them zombies. If it looks like a duck, and talks like a duck, and steps like a goose, its a nazi. [ light laughter ] and hey. This is america. [ applause ] right here. This is america. And if weve ever done anything we could all be proud of, it was defeating the nazis. Although dubious articles, like this one from the atlantic do not help. Are jews white . I dont know, do they subscribe to the atlantic . [ light laughter ] also, i think youre missing the bigger point. Which is that somebody wants to know, for some reason its not an innocent question. Nobody says, are jews white . And then follows it up with, well, either way, i just love em. [ light laughter ] get your [ bleep ] together, media. Calling nazis and White Supremacists the alt right is like calling o. J. Simpons a cutlery enthusiat. [ light laughter ] this has been hey [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with Michael Moore, everybody. Ho ho ho so, what would you like . Can i have a 2017 lexus lx 570. With dual Screen Entertainment . Yeah if youre going to wish, wish big at the lexus december to remember sales event. Get up to 2,500 customer cash on select 2016 and 2017 models for these terms. See your lexus dealer. vo the old way of doing taxes isnt good enough. So, were about to blow it up. Dont just get your taxes done. Get your taxes won. Heyyyyy its the Little Things that make life rich. Ritz. Sing girl, come on. [ singing ] sorry, ariana you gotta go. Seriously . Verizon limits me and i gotta get home. Youre gonna choose navigation over me . Maps get up here. Umm. That way. 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[ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back everybody. And please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also back on the drums with us tonight, hes a Founding Member of the groundbreaking and grammy awardwinning california based band, deftones, whose latest album gore is out now. Say hello to abe cunningham, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being here, abe. Thank you guys. Seth our first guest tonight is the Academy Awardwinning filmmaker of documentaries like roger and me, bowling for columbine, and fahrenheit 9 11, please welcome back to the show our friend Michael Moore. [ cheers and applause ] seth always so nice to see you. Good to see you. Seth so here we are. I want to start with last time you were here was august. And you had just written an article titled five reasons donald trump will win. And it was at a time where he was down in the polls and people thought you were crazy. And is this a case where you are bummed out at how right you were . Yes, i never wanted to be more wrong. Seth yeah. And i remember when i actually when i said this on the show, the audience like moaned, like no. Seth yeah. You know, well because it didnt seem possible. Seth it didnt seem possible. She was ahead in the polls. She was winning the debates. It was a great convention. Seth yeah, and and hes crazy. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] so all important. Seth but yet and it wasnt just that you predicted it, you sort of called the reason why it might happen. And you named four states, michigan, ohio, pennsylvania, wisconsin, that you thought he had a strength in. And that is exactly how it played out. Yeah. Seth do yes, i caught yes picked i picked the four. And ever since then people have been asking me for help with their lotto numbers. Seth although its interesting because, its like you hit the lotto, but instead of winning 6 million, you got kicked in the nuts. [ laughter ] its like the negative lotto. Seth you won the negative lotto. So my question is do you think now looking forward to four years down the line. Do you think the democrats are taking enough stock of what they got wrong . Or do you think theyre sort of playing the blame game too much and maybe missing the message of what happened in this election . Well heres the democrats biggest problem, and this includes people who voted for hillary. They dont act like they won. They won. Shes 2. 7 million votes ahead of trump tonight. Seth yeah. Almost three million, almost as many votes as obama got in 2012. Seth right. All right . So the democrats, this is the second time this has happened in 16 years, it happened with gore, where they win the popular vote but lose the white house. This would be like the giants beating the patriots 2119 and then the sportscasters going, well its too bad the giants lost that game. Seth yeah. Its like, no. We have to get rid of this Electoral College. This is the biggest seth but is that going to happen . Yes. Its going to happen. Seth how . I will lead the charge. [ applause ] seth but i mean the American Public is not and i would be saying the same thing if trump was ahead by 2. 7 million votes. Seth right. I would accept the fact that my fellow americans wanted him as president of the United States. I wouldnt like it. I would accept it. The fact is the majority of my fellow americans did not want him. And if you add in the votes for jill stein and guy who didnt know where aleppo was. Seth right. [ laughter ] if you add that in, thats 54 of the voters didnt want donald trump. Only 46 did. So he is going to not have a mandate. The majority of our fellow americans do not want him in the white house. But because of an arcane law from the 1700s that was set up to placate the slave states. Seth yeah. So they would join the union, so they gave them a little more power, because they had a lesser population, so in the irony of a man who said so many things that were racist during the campaign. That he would benefit from a law from the 1700s to placate the slave states, is just the irony of it is unbearable. And but the other thing the Founding Fathers thought about this, and this was hamiltons, one of his genius ideas. Was that maybe there should be a spot gap, just in case, you know, a madman, somebody thought he was going to be king gets elected. Theres that one final door hes got to go through. So right now and if you dont mind, i made that prediction in the summer. Seth yeah, you came and you called it. So id like to make another tonight. Seth great, were excited. Get your moan on, audience. [ laughter ] seth they practice. Yeah. He is not president of the United States yet. Seth yeah. Hes not president , right . [ applause ] he is not president until noon on january 20th of 2017. That is, that is, what are we, this is wednesday night . Seth yeah. So thats more than six weeks away. We do not agree, regardless what side of the political fence youre on. This has been the craziest election year. Seth it certainly has. Nothing anyone has predicted has happened. Seth yeah. Every its the opposite has happened. Seth yes. So is it possible, just possible, that in these next six weeks Something Else might happen. Seth yeah. Something crazy. Something were not expecting. Seth do you think its possible that he now realizes this job is way more work than he wanted it to be . Oh, he is so bummed out. Seth i think hes bummed out too. [ laughter ] i think hes bummed out too. Hes really [ applause ] seth i hes like a guy the fact that hes doing the rallies, its like he got married and now once a week says to his wife, im going to go hit the bars with the fellows. No its he wants a Bachelor Party every night seth yeah. After the wedding. Hes definitely going out and doing you know and friday hell be in grand rapids, michigan, for the next bachelor. Seth yeah. Its no, he really because now hes been told theres all this work to do. You have to live in washington, d. C. In a majority black city. Seth yes. I think its a majority. Its just such a small house for him. Its a 200yearold fixer upper seth it really is. [ laughter ] its like its like im sure when he walks in there and goes, wheres the penthouse . Its like ivanka says, dad you know, there is a second floor. Thats not a penthouse. My bet seriously, i bet hes in there two hours if he does get in. Seth yeah. If. Seth well, i isnt it okay so for with all its you know, we can talk and speculate, what if the electoral Voters Decide not to vote . Dont you think this country would be in a terrifying place right now . Were already in a terrifying place. Seth i know. I know, but like if the people who voted for him no matter what, even though theyre in the minority as far as total number of votes. Wouldnt you be afraid of their outrage if anything happened that would take him away from this office . Well first of all, he may decide that he wants to quit. Seth right. You know, before he even takes office. I mean, everyone is gonna know thats not possible. Everybody in this audience at some point in their life, on the first day of the job knew they had taken the wrong job. Seth right. Right . Seth yeah, thats true. And [ applause ] and many people, many people have quit a job in that first week, first month, first six months. Right . Seth yeah. This is it is possible where he just goes, oh this is too much, i dont want this. Seth well he would never say it is too much. Let pence run the county. Seth he would say it would be Something Else. He would blame it on us. Blame it on us. Seth it would be our fault. Well because hes such a narcissist, it would have to somehow be about him. Seth i cant see him saying, guys im in over my head. I cant see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Im giving him too much credit. I have to come talk to you and come back to reality. Its really, i just yes. Anything can happen. The Electoral College, i mean the first electorate announced in the times yesterday that a republican from texas, he is not gonna vote for trump, even though he was supposed to. We only need, like, i dont know, 32 more to say the same thing. Seth youre gonna end up with one. Thats the final number. So you say that because that normal. Youre normal thinking only one. All right. Dont have me back on next week after weve got five more. Seth thats true. So seth well thats true. Well maybe this is, im trying to because i was so wrong last time, im trying to say that, have that same thing again. Lets come back, but i want to come back and i do want to talk, because i think you would agree. There was a core brilliance to the way he ran his campaign. And i think we should come back and talk about that. Evil brilliance yes. Seth well be right back with more Michael Moore after this. [ cheers and applause ] i love it. This piece is so you. I know, right . I saw it and i was just like oh, i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. State farm knows that every one those moments, theres one of these. Well . I love it. This piece is so you. I know, right . I saw it and i was just like i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. Thats why were there, with renters insurance, when things go wrong. But also here, with a rewards credit card, to help life go right. State farm. Usic keep on the sunny side Edward Sharpe proof of less joint pain. And clearer skin. This is my body of proof that i can fight Psoriatic Arthritis with humira. 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Crsugar is everywherets sugar shield and crest complete has a sugar shield to protect teeth from sugar found in everyday foods. Crest complete. Shield your teeth from sugar. So sugar may visit, but its not sticking around. No intention of adopting. Er, he was the very last kennel in the very last row. Emaciated. He was skin and bones. Usually what you see in neglected dogs. It was one of those complete, meanttobe moments. I totally fell in love with him. avo through the subaru share the love event, weve helped the aspca save nearly thirty thousand animals so far. Get a new subaru, and well donate another two hundred and fifty dollars to help those in need. Put a little love in your heart. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back. Were here with Michael Moore. We were talking about the campaign, donald trump ran, certainly unconventional, and yet all these sort of road marks that you would think would show a losing campaigns, did not do well in the debates, kind of had a convention that was a bit of a mess, seemed more focused on selling hats then actually having commercials and yet that all worked. Yep but see they laughed at that so many hats. But the truth is that out beyond the hudson river, between the hudson river and interstate 5. Seth yeah in los angeles. Yes, thats where i mean i will be on the wall where the white walkers are or the walking dead depending if you can only afford basic cable. [ light laughter ] this is where the majority of the people vote and actually people wear ball caps. Thats just a natural thing, trump somehow knew that. Seth yeah. It wasnt a joke to him. He knew to go out there in that ball cap. Because if you live in michigan or whatever, we wear i mean i dont have it on tonight, i crossed over into the bubble here. Seth yeah exactly. Thank you, yeah. Out of respect you know. But generally you go out of the house, you wouldnt leave the house without brushing your teeth in the morning in the midwest, the same way you wouldnt leave without the ball cap. Seth and so it was something that you know because again he is a man who lives in a basically a gold mansion, and yet he put on the ball cap, and it did mean something to people. There was something that he was universal about it. It was a visual. He was a star on this network. This network that helped to make him. Seth yeah, nbc. [ light laughter ] but you were a fan which has given us some of the best talent ever. David letterman. Seinfeld. Seth yeah and now a president. So we finally did it, yeah. Cause letterman, seinfeld never made it to the highest office. Let me tell you something. Can i just on a serious note. Something im very nervous and somewhat scared about. Seth sure. And i say this, im not theres no partisanship involved in this. Its that we suffered through 9 11 and weve suffered other terrorist attacks over the years. Something that were all concerned about and we kind of know in the back of our heads that probably will happen again, and god forbid, hope it doesnt, but we know the possibility exists. When i heard today that donald trump has only been to three of the Daily National security briefings that has been offered to him every day since he was elected, that he has only taken the time to read, if you go back to august, 2001, theres a famous photo of george w. Bush on vacation in crawford, texas, being handed a document. Theres a photograph of this. And it says bin laden to attack u. S. In the document it says may use plane. Thats on august 6, 2001, a month before the attack. And he went fishing that day and he didnt pay attention, he didnt read it. He wasnt, you know, he just wasnt engaged. You kind of wish you had his version of nonengagement because this president elect doesnt seem engaged at all. He is more engaged with tweeting about alec baldwin on snl. Seth yeah. Five hours after the show finishes at 1 00 am. By 6 00 a. M. , hes not funny, not funny, sad. You know, not watchable. And its like youve got time for that. You havent taken one of the National Security briefings . Youve taken only three of them in this first month . Seth yeah. I mean my friends, if something happens, you know, a donald trump president , in his presidency, he is going to react in a way, talk about taking away peoples rights, talking about clamping down in an authoritarian way, in the way that he likes to think about. And nobody is going to be able to discuss then where the hell were you in the two and a half months leading up to taking office, and you didnt bother to attend the most important job. I just say this to him. I got to believe hes watching. Yeah, when somebody says his name, the tv turns on. [ laughter ] well i tweeted i tweeted out. [ applause ] i tweeted to him earlier. So i know hes watching. Hes got to get up in about 3 and half hours and start tweeting again. So seriously with all due respect, mr. President elect. On our behalf, you have to pay attention. You have to attend these briefings. This is our country. This is our security. This is our safety. Youre horsing around with all this nonsense and youre not doing your number one job, and the number one job of the president is to make sure that the country is safe. And i beg you seriously, please, theres no right or left, republican, democrat going on here. Im asking you to do your job for the sake of the people who may end up dead because you didnt do your job. We had this happen once before. We had this not engaged president who wasnt reading his briefs. You dont even attend the briefs. So im begging you to do that. Im begging you to get up in the morning, send out your tweet to whoever, criticize him, not me, and then god please attend the briefing. Attend the briefing. [ applause ] seth i hope he does. Are you hopeful because i think it is important for all of us to find a place of hopefulness here that, you know, this will become more real to him and that this will start to settle. Is that a thing you have a hope for . No. I think he listen, its our gender, and theres something about, all due respect to 7yearold men. Theyre in the same chair every night watching the same shows. There is a sameness to us. Seth oh yes, so youre saying this to ask for some sort of evolution now is maybe a mistake. Yes. I would say that also of most democrats who are guys. Seth sure of course. Its just it is just, no, hes not going to change. What you see is what you get. This is what is terrifying. This is what we should all be concerned about. This is what the Electoral College should be thinking about. They should be thinking about our safety. They should be thinking about they have the right, they have the constitutional right to stop the madness before it happens. That vote is on december 19th. They have to do this. [ applause ] seth im just thinking, this is the same look i gave you in august. Its the same look you gave me when i said trump was going to win. And im just saying as a person who loves this country and as a person who respects donald trump as a fellow american. Seth as do i. Were all in the same boat and we are going to sink or swim together and id rather not sink. And i cant have captain crunch commanding the boat. Seth sure. Somebody who is just like woo hoo, you know, not funny mike. Not funny you know. Its like i used to say the guy has the maturity level of 12 years old, and now i want to apologize to any 12yearold who is still up listening and watching this. No, youre wonderful. I know 12yearolds that can speak a foreign language. Seth there you go. Well i look forward to having you back in a few months, so we can talk about you being right again on one of your wonderful predictions and its always a pleasure to have you. Michael moore everybody. Thank you. Seth well be right back with rita ora. [ cheers and applause ] the itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout. Down came the rain and clogged the gutter system creating a leak in the roof. Luckily the spider recently had geico help him with homeowners insurance. Water completely destroyed his swedish foam mattress. He got full replacement and now owns the sleep number bed. His sleep number setting is 25. Call geico and see how much you could save on homeowners insurance. At planters, we put fresh roawhich has its drawbacks. An, guys, know anything about this missing inventory . Wasnt me the cheeks dont lie, chet. Irresistibly planters. Im just sad thewhats wrong . Holidays are over. Theyre not over, old navys having an after holiday sale where its up to 75 off the entire store. 75 off . Yeah. What is that . Im celebrating dont dump that out i ju. Yaaaay im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is a talented singer, and the new host of americas next top model. The new season premieres monday, december 12th on vh1. Please welcome back to the show, our friend rita ora. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Its so great to see you. Its so good to see you again too. Hi, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth so this is very exciting. The last version, the original version of americas next top model with tyra banks. I mean 23 seasons. Seth 23 seasons. I had no idea. Yeah. Seth so that comes to a close, and now it is being revived with you. And now it is my turn. Seth its your turn. Youre the new host. And how do you make it different . Is that something you try to do to make it different . Well first of all obviously the original is fantastic and ive been just such a fan. And kind of growing up in my generation, that was the first time i really saw a tv show that was reality fashion just drama, you know what i mean . And so i was addicted to it. And then when i actually got asked to do it i thought well theres no way in hell i can fill her shoes up. What else are we going to do. And then i thought maybe it can just generate into kind of what i do in my daily life which is enjoy fashion, be creative, make music and kind of just do what i do. So thats what we turned this show into. 2016 antm we like to call it. Seth alright fantastic and now she has some catch phrases. I know. Seth smeyes, which was smile with your eyes. Oh so this is smiling with your eyes. I want you to give me your smeyes. Seth okay, heres my smeyes, ready . Okay, go on then. Seth im gonna start down and then come up. [ laughter ] seth, youre meant to smile in that. Seth wait, but am i supposed to smile can my mouth smile too . Well if you feel it. You know it has to come from within. Seth okay. Okay go. [ laughter ] the winner ladies and gentlemen. [ applause ] we have some catch phrases but seth what are your catch phrases . Are there words you use a lot that you didnt realize you used a lot . Yes. You know ive never sad boss so many times while filming this show. Seth boss. Cause thats what we want. We want to find a boss. We want to find a lady that really is just a living form of being a superstar. I have never Seen Technology take over our generation, me being 26 and younger so much. My brother who is 18 is like so addicted to kind of anything computerized. Seth right. And so i look at, you know, the models of today, and you know, theyre really pushed by the following, and how many followers they have and this and that. And were trying to find somebody who has the 360. A little bit like what i do. I just like to have fun and entertain people, and sing, dance, make clothes and all that jazz. Seth its so great to be with someone who is a 360. Cause i am like a 45. [ light laughter ] i do a very i do a very this slice of the circle. I feel like youre more of a 90. Seth maybe a 90. A hard nice like angle. Seth a hard 90. Ive never been into the 100s. So but is it you talk about social media and modeling, because it seems like probably more than ever the model is responsible to some degree of generating their own following. For sure. I mean thats what the power of the internet. I feel like were kind of really lucky, but also are we lucky at the same time. Seth right. You know because back in the day it was kind of gaining respect through photographs and word of mouth and this and that, and now its a lot to do with the attention you get online and how far you take that. Smart thing is turning that into a brand and really making yourself you know stand out from the crazy world we live in. Youve certainly done that, you certainly stand out. But youre not the only ora who is pulling this off. Because your mother oh, no. Seth so your mother, explain what happened here. Your mother started oh gosh, shes going to love that youre talking about her by the way. Seth she has an instagram account. First of all your mother is beautiful. Thank you. Seth there she is right now. Look at the faces that she makes, by the way. No, no, no you guys, being a kid, shes like killing me on the instagram. Seth thats what i like, but shes just doing this on her own. No. Heres the funny thing. So christmas coming up. She said to my dad, i got you an early christmas present. I say, wait what is it . She went, its a camera for you to take pictures of me. [ laughter ] and i said, what kind of present is that . But you know, i guess it runs in the family, what can i say. Seth thats fantastic, please give her my love because i think she looks fantastic. I dont know if shes smeyesing in any of these but shes doing a lot more than just smeyesing. Seth so you worked with incredible people over your career. For sure thank you. Seth you used to open for coldplay. I did. I did. That was my first ever tour. I went straight from doing 100 people gigs to kind of opening up to stadiums. Seth thats incredible. Really scary. Yeah. Seth and but i would imagine made it a little less scary. My experience with that band, with chris martin, they are the most down to earth people. Arent they . Seth theyre so polite and genuinely sweet. And i dont think you realize how big they actually are. Seth yeah. You know. No, no, no. It is crazy. Because ive never really met any individuals so humble. I mean ive been on tour with them i was on tour for a year. And funny cause we were walking into catering as you do every day, you know eating and what you do at catering, eat. And you know seth you are 360. This story is really funny. Seth you eat, too. Oh my god, wow. Im allowed to eat. [ laughter ] honestly, it is like we walked into catering and you know chris is there, and you know he mingles with everybody as the whole band does. And you know, you show your pass to security. You know, i think this i remember this. I was like 19 years old, and he stopped chris, i said, whats going on . And he went, pass please to chris. And i looked and i thought what is happening. He said, i dont have my pass. And then the Security Guard said you cant get in. And i thought but its his stadium tour. But he didnt even say do you know who i am. He just said well she has a pass. Can i get in with her. And i thought this is the sweetest thing. I mean thats only one example how humble he is. Seth you on the other an also genuinely sweet person is snoop dogg. Oh i know. Seth for real. I guess theres a lot of things to make him sweet i think. Seth thats true, thats true, you know he never seems stressed out. I dont know what it is. I wonder why. [ laughter ] seth yeah, he just seems so laid back. But you did you shoot a video with him on an island . Yes. We did a song called torn apart for his album, and we went to thailand to shoot a video. Surprisingly not very calm surroundings. Seth yeah, exactly sure. And the boat that we went on the island on slowly kind of started drifting away, and theres me acknowledging it. And obviously snoop doesnt really know whats going on, where the boat is. And i was like hey dont we need that boat to get off the island . And he just went, everythings great rita, you know everythings great. And i was like, how are we going to get off this island . And it took a long time to find a boat to get back. Whole time, snoops face is exactly like yours, smiling ear to ear. I think thats why we love him. Seth well i guess end of the day, he was right, you got home. So we should all live a little more like snoop and not live in our fears. Rita ora everybody, americas next top model premieres december 12th on vh1. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] i had that dream again that i was on the icelandic game show. And everyone knows me for discounts, like safe driver and paperless billing. But nobody knows the box behind the discounts. Oh, its like my father always told me put that down. Thats expensive. Of course i save people an average of nearly 600, but whos gonna save me . [ voice breaking ] and thats when i realized. Im allergic to wasabi. Well, i feel better. Its been five minutes. Talk about progress. [ chuckles ] okay. My swthis scarf all thatsara. S. Left to remem. Es ] what she washed this like a month ago the long lasting scent of gain flings try theraflu expressmax,nd flu hold you back now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. Theraflu. For a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. H[whispering] e aoh, yeah youre right. Whats going on . Nothing. Dear santa, i want a lexus rx f sport. And a puppy. If youre going to wish, wish big at the lexus december to remember sales event. Get up to 2,500 customer cash on select 2016 and 2017 models for these terms. See your lexus dealer. [cellphone ring] uh oh, should have put that phone on silent. Luckily, jay chews trident to help clean and protect his teeth, so he can hide his guilt with a convincing grin. Thats it jay, theyll never know. Trident. Cherish your teeth. Come on why doesnt verizon offer unlimited data like tmobile . Is it because their lte network was built six years ago . Six years ago . Thats like a hundred. In phone years. Their lte network is older, slower, and they limit you. Switch to tmobile. The newer, faster, and unlimited network. We cover 99 of the americans verizon covers. Get 4 lines, just 40 a month. Rrowl. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. You know, people often ask me how we come up with the jokes for the monologue every night. And im always happy to tell them because i am very proud of the process we use here at late night. On other shows, the way it works is the writers will read the news and then write jokes that correspond to those news stories. But our writers use a process where they come up with their punch lines without reading the news at all. [ laughter ] and then they write those punch lines down on a little piece of scrap paper and they throw them into something that we call here it is, the joke bucket. Now then what happens is when something goes down in the news, i read through these punch lines and i find the right one to go with that news story. We showed our audience this process on the show few times and its a lot of fun. So, its time to write some new jokes. So, ive got my news cards here and lets just start with a story. Okay, here we go. Heres a story from the news. Nathans famous hot dogs celebrated its 100th birthday this year. Okay, so now we find ourselves a punch line. Here we go. Uh, said one samsung official, this explains why our stock is blowing up. [ light laughter ] okay, good punch line, but not right for this set up, okay. Here we go. Remember, if you cant say anything nice, youre rudy giuliani. [ light laughter ] again, doesnt quite fit. And here we go. Nathans famous hot dogs celebrated its 100th birthday this year, which is quite an achievement since their customers rarely make it to 50. There we go. [ laughter ] thats a joke. [ applause ] so, of course, whenever i complete a joke, what do i do . I staple them together like this. I stamp it to give it my approval and then i ring the joke bell. And then i put it in the completed joke bucket right here. So, there you go. Thats our system. Now, a lot of people yeah, give it up. [ cheers and applause ] now, a lot of people ask me, why do you write jokes this way . Would you rather i put the jokes in tupperware containers or a Maxwell House coffee can . And they say no, just do it without any containers whatsoever. And at that point, ive already left the room. [ laughter ] okay, we got another new another joke. Lets do another joke. [ cheers and applause ] actress Carrie Fisher revealed in her new memoir that she and Harrison Ford had an affair while filming the original star wars. Okay, here we go. If i wanted two tiny balls and a stick, id call alex rodriguez. [ laughter ] no, not quite right. Now were cooking with ass, said the cannibal. [ laughter ] no, not quite. Git r done. Okay, sorry about that. Git r done, that actually goes in my other comedians catch phrase bucket. [ laughter ] now, a lot of people wonder why i have an other comedians catch phrase bucket, and to them i say, whats the deal with you always asking me that question . [ applause ] lets get back to the joke. Actress Carrie Fisher revealed in her new memoir that she and Harrison Ford had an affair while filming the original star wars. Said yoda, watched i did. [ laughter ] boom, thats a joke. So, what do i do . We staple it, stamp it and ring the joke bell. Then i tell the joke raven to spread the word. [ laughter ] to all the other talk show hosts that ive claimed this joke as my own. Joke raven, fly. [ laughter ] fly away, joke raven. Fly [ laughter ] [ applause ] okay. [ laughter ] so, we put in the completed joke bucket. All right, this feels so much fun. You know what [ cheers and applause ] this is so much fun that i feel like a wild and crazy guy [ laughter ] okay, lets do another joke. A nearly million square foot gap Clothing Store went up in flames recently. Okay, this should be good. Replied the arizona beef jerky salesman, but its a dry meat. [ light laughter ] then draculas doctor said, now, turn your head and coffin. [ laughter ] the gay baristas met on coffee grindr. [ laughter ] oh, no. Oh, no oh, no were out of jokes. But this isnt a big deal, you guys. cause i know where i can get more jokes. The almighty and powerful late night with seth meyers joke volcano. [ cheers and applause ] who approaches the great and powerful joke volcano seth it is i, seth meyers. What is it you seek . Seth i need a joke. Man, you go through jokes faster than chipotle through chris christie. [ rimshot ] seth yeah, i should have told you, guys, the joke volcano sucks. [ laughter ] what are you talking about . The audience is erupting with laughter. [ rimshot ] seth yeah, could i just get, like, one punch line for this gap joke . Sure, ill do it for you, seth, but only because i lava you. [ rimshot ] seth just give me the joke. Fine, here you go. [ flatulence ] [ laughter ] thats a hot joke. You get it . cause im a volcano. Seth yeah, all your jokes are about being a volcano. Hey, seth, seth, wait, could you please plug my show at the laugh factory . Seth yeah, sure. What time is it . Time for you to get a watch [ rimshot ] seth i hope this one works. A nearly million square foot gap Clothing Store went up in flames recently. Experts say the fire caused over 30 in damage. Boom thats a joke [ laughter and applause ] so we staple it, stamp it, ring the bell, check how the joke raven is doing on its journey. [ laughter ] you dont know him, but thats so raven. [ laughter ] and we put it in the completed joke bucket. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night [ cheers and applause ] seth my next guest just released her very first holiday album, a very Kacey Christmas. Which features four original tracks, as well as covers of eight holiday favorites. Performing her take on christmas dont be late, please welcome back to the show, kacey musgraves. [ cheers and applause ] Christmas Christmas time is near time for toys and time for cheer ive been good but i cant last hurry christmas hurry fast want a plane that loops the loop and i want a hula hoop i can hardly stand the wait please christmas dont be late want a plane that loops the loop and i still want a hula hoop i can hardly stand the wait please christmas dont be late i can hardly stand the wait please christmas dont be late [ cheers and applause ] seth kacey musgraves, everyone a very Kacey Christmas is out now my thanks to Michael Moore, rita ora, kacey musgraves, abe cunningham, and of course, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. See you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ] carson good evening. This is last call, with me, carson daly. 97. 1 amp radio is our backdrop tonight for the show, and we do have a great one coming your way. The music tonight isiiv