[ laughter ] donald trump claimed this morning that he would have done even better in the election if the winner was based on the popular vote because he would have campaigned differently. Why are you complaining . Its over. You won. Wait, why am i talking to you . You know what . Let me talk to your father. Oh, hey, listen. Would it have killed you to hug him once . [ laughter and applause ] fox newss bill oreilly said last night [ applause ] bill oreilly said last night that liberals want to eliminate the Electoral College because they want power taken away from the white establishment. Bill, you dont have to say, white establishment. Its redundant. Thats like saying atm machine. The m means machine. [ laughter ] Vice President joe biden will reportedly work at the university of pennsylvan once he leaves office. Apparently they had an opening for, cool r. A. [ laughter ] i know youre going to smoke your weed, guys. Just roll up a towel and put it under the door, all right . Joes going to look the other way, just got to make it easy for him. Today is National Hamburger day, when we celebrate the birth of cheeseus. [ laughter ] i dont know. Its kind of fun to look at. [ applause ] he did not see it coming. Look how surprised he looks. [ laughter ] according to a recent study, pokemon go players have collectively walked 5. 7 billion miles while using the app. Theyve walked everywhere except into a job interview. [ laughter ] hasbro has launched a holiday hotline in the uk to help families instantly settle any disputes over board games. Like, who has to have eric on their team . [ laughter ] and finally, a new toy h launched called pony up daddy, which lets parents attach a saddle on their backs so the kids can ride them as if they were animals. [ laughter ] unfortunately for donald trump, his daddy likes to be the on [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from msnbcs the Rachel Maddow show, Rachel Maddow is back on the show. Cheers and applause ] shes one of our favorites here. Also, shes a judge on lifetimes project runway junior. Kelly osbourne is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so, we got a very good show for you. Now, before we get to that, one of the most dire consequences of a donald Trump Presidency may be its impact on Climate Change, and if there was any hope that trump might stop in his positions on climate issues after he won, his cabinet picks tell a different story. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth climate scientists now say 2016 will be the hottest year in earths recorded history. Which means 16 of the 17 hottest years on record have come since 2000. Of course, the other hottest year on record came in 1863, when Mary Todd Lincoln took a boob out at the gebu so just to recap, 2016 it was the hottest year ever, donald trump won the presidency, and on top of that, the [ bleep ] chicago cubs won the world series. [ cheers ] im pretty sure thats three out of the four horsemen of the apocalypse right there. [ laughter ] if dirty grandpa wins best picture at the oscars, we done for. [ laughter ] and in case you think the only consequences of Climate Change are hotter temperatures, scientists are warning the change in climate might even be affecting one of our greatest christmas icons. Santa may need to add a few reindeer to his team from now on. Researchers say arctic reindeer are actually getting smaller, and they say its all because of Climate Change. Researchers studied the reindeer for the past two decades and say the reindeer have been losing weight. Theyre actually down about 15 pounds since 1994. Seth and making matters worse, like anyone who loses 15 pounds, the reindeer are now [ laughter ] and the effect of the hotter temperatures this year has been especially dramatic in the arctic, where ice sheets and glaciers have melted. And Scientists Say those ice melts are already affecting weather patterns where is you live right now. As one climate scientist puts it, what happens in the arctic doesnt stay in the arctic. A lesson i learned the hard way when i went to the arctic for a Bachelor Party and hooked up with a penguin. [ laughter ] yeah, i know. There arent any penguins in the arctic, but she was there for a bachelorette party. [ laughter ] so, the climate situation is dire, but progress has been made during the obama, from the paris climate accords to the administrations, clean power plan. Activists were even able to stop the controversial north Dakota Access pipeline, which is a major priority of proenviornment politicians, like Bernie Sanders, who energized crowds with his opposition to the pipeline. The powers that be will continue to move this country forward toward an oligarchic form of society. Stop the dakota the pipeline damn right. [ cheers ] all right. S call his number at the deli. 82 . Damn right. [ laughter and applause ] chicken soup and free saltines. I will not pay for saltines and then theres donald trump. Obviously, his statements on Climate Change have not been promising like his infamous claims that the concept of Global Warming was created by and for the chinese. As opposed to trump, who was created by and for the russians. [ laughter ] but still, you might think at least we could agree on things like investing in clean energy, which would be good for the climate and manufacturing, but trump even seems to have a bizarre vendetta against wind power in particular. If you watched his rallies at all this year, you might have noticed that his hatred of windmills is kind of an obsession for him. The wind is very tough because those windmills are very, very expensive. And they kill the birds, and they look very terrible. Isnt it amazing the way the enviormentalists love the windmills, and yet, they kill all the birds . A wind turbine that kills all the bald eagles all okay, but thats okay with them, right . Even though it needs subsidy. The windls all your birds. [ laughter ] killed. You know, the environmentalists never talk about that. And i wouldnt exactly say it makes your farm lands look beautiful. Youve got all these wind mills all over the place, going, driving you loco when you look at them, right . Seth of course trumps real fear is that when you destroy a birds nest, it has to find new one. [ laughter and applause ] but after trump won the election, there was a brief flurry of optimism that trump might soften on some of his positions on environmental issues. Not because of his own opinions on the subject, but because of his daughter, ivanka. Ivanka trump wants to make Climate Change part of her platform. Ivanka trump could be a climate csar in her fathers administration. Shes met twice with Leanardo Dicaprio to talk about the environment. Ivanka trump, daughter of the president elect, met with former Vice President al gore today to talk about Climate Change. Seth she met with Leonardo Dicaprio first, and then al gore. That is the wrong order. [ laughter ] ill have the hot fudge sundae for dinner and for dessert, a cold bag of peas. [ laughter ] so ivankas interest in Climate Change gave people a glimmer of hope. But of course, trumps team moved swiftly to snuff out that glimmer by reassuring everyone that trump still thinks Climate Change is totally made up. Like trump advisor and wall street investor anthony scaramucci, who went on cnn to compare Climate Science to the ancient theory that the earth was flat. I know that the current president believes that human beings are affecting the climate. There are scientists that believe that thats not happening. I think that, you know, for me, personally the overwhelming consensus in the Scientific Community chris, let me finish. Is that mans actions have an impact on climate. No, you have to correct that. Correct that whenever it comes up. Chris, chris, there was an overwhelming okay. Chris, there was an overwhelming science that the earth is flat, and theres an overwhelming science called ignorance. You learn over time. We were the center of the world, 100 . You know, we get a lot of things wrong in the Scientific Community. Seth whos we . Youre not a part of the Scientific Community. [ laughter ] its hard to imagine this conversation among scientists. Thicl [ brooklyn accent ] yeah, all right hey, scaramuch get in here [ laughter ] we got to go over that is all data data over here [ laughter ] and then, trump confirmed everyones fears by scouring the country to find the worst possible choice to have the Environmental Protection agency, Oklahoma Attorney general scott pruitt. Pruitt is a loyal ally of oil and Gas Companies and has received tens of thousands of dollars from the energy industry. Hes even defended a Natural Gas Drilling technique known as fracking, despite the fact that it has literally caused a spike in earthquakes in his home state. Just last month, the report found that the state has seen severe spike in earthquakes 2008 when Energy Companies ramped up their fracking. The number of 3. 0 magnitude quakes rose from two in 2008 to 889 last year. They went from two earthquakes a year to 889. How do you host a game night in oklahoma . It must be impossible to get through a game of jenga. [ laughter ] seriously,ug im starting to think dirty grandpa is going to win that oscar. [ laughter ] so, climate activists were disappointed by these nominations. But then, trump doubled down, naming former Texas Governor rick perry as the secretary of energy. You probably wont be surprised to hear perry thinks Climate Change is a contrived phony mess and has claimed that climate scientists have have manipulated data so they will have dollars rolling into their projects. Do you think climate scientists are getting rich off this stuff . Are have you seen how they dress . They look like they were shoved into a Goodwill Store naked and given 90 seconds to pick an outfit. [ laughter ] the craziest thing the rick perry will be replacing ernest moniz, a worldrenowned Nuclear Physicist from m. I. T. And moniz was, himself, preceded by another nobel prizewinning physicist steven chu. So, who should we believe on Climate Change . Who are the great scientific minds, moniz and chu, or rick perry . Well, the daily beast recently looked at perrys College Transcript and found that perry took four chemistry courses and got two cs, a d, and an f. [ laughter ] he got a c in physics and a how do you get a d in meat . Are you at chipotle . [ laughter ] pop quiz, rick. Meat or not meat . Oh, boy. I know its one or the other. [ laughter ] maybe the worst thing about the trump administrations climate agenda is that theyll have a compliant Republican Congress ready and willing to kowtow to the oil and gas lobby. For example, earlier this month, the House Science Committee tweeted out a link to a totally bogus story published by Breitbart News claiming Global Temperatures plung. Icy silence from climate alarmists. The bogus tweets promised this zinger from Bernie Sanders who tweeted back, where did you get your ph. D. , Trump University . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i guess it was only a matter of time before Bernie Sanders turned into the don rickles of politics. Even the Weather Channel got involved because the breitbart article misleadingly citeded a Weather Channel video. The meteorologist in that video responded with a new video, debunking breitbart so last week, breitbart. Com published an article claiming that Global Warming was nothing but a scare, and Global Temperatures were actually falling. Heres the thing, science doesnt care about your opinion. Cherrypicking the facts wont change the future nor the fact note, fact, not opinion, that the earth is warming. Seth bernie, any thoughts . Damn right. Seth there you go. [ laughter and applause ] so the climate situation may well be dire under a trump administration, which is why we need to bringing attention to it. Its literally life or death. Without a strong response, we could be in for more arctic melting, extreme weather events, rising sea levels and earthquakes. And thats not good because i still have feelings for her. [ laughter ] this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with Rachel Maddow, everybody. Seth welcome back to late night, everybody. Since im a new dad, ive been trying to take a lot more video. And i found a great way to do at sponsors, the new lg v20 with wideangle capabilities from both the front and rear cameras. To show how great it worked, i sent an nbc page to shoot video from around our office like fun stuff, fun moments. So, here we go, take a look. Seth brian, i cant help but notice there are raisins in this salads. I told him no raisins. Seth oh, so im the liar now . Look, i dont want to make a big deal out of this, but this is a huge deal, which is why i decided to publically shame you. Oh, ive got to widen out for this. This is a cruel thing to do. Seth this . Was a cruel thing to do. Seth okay, so i thought they were gonna shoot a rehearsal. That was a lot worse. [ laughter ] but at least the sound quality was great, right . Im just going to go ahead and change the mood. Everyone in the audience tonight is getting an lg v20 to take home with yourself there. [ cheers and applause ] and well be right back. Come on, wake up come on, why ya sleepin . Come on what time is it . Its go time. Come on. Lets go, lets go, lets go. Woooo hoooo yeah i feel like i went to bed an hour ago. Ill make the cocoa. Get a great offer on the car of your grownup dreams at the mercedesbenz winter event. Its the look on their faces that make it all worthwhile. Thank you santa now lease the 2017 c300 for 389 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. Logy helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. These as wamy. Its been years oh, you smell the same. Meet my wife and my kids. Oh you guys are so goodlooking. And impeccably dressed. Thanks. Its all old navy. You sending off some last minute gifts . I miss us. You know . You should go to old navy. The entire store is up to 75 off right now. Amazing idea. Okay, i think ill go there. Get out of here. I dont know what that is. Im just scratching my eyes. My new beer, stella artois, hey cois finished. The people will love it. Originally brewed for the holidays. Enjoyed ever since. Stella artois. Host one to remember hollywoods biggest stars. For and, with his vintageinspired collection at kay jewelers, the inspiration for this ring goes back almost 100 years. Its based on an art deco design. Over 50 diamonds, all handset. You know the saying, they dont make em like they used to . I still do. Neil lane bridal. At kay. The numberone Jewelry Store for. Yes. Every kiss begins with kay. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome, back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8 g band right over there. Also were so excited to have him back with us tonight. His band, the hold steady, just rereleased deluxe editions of two classic albums, almost killed me and separation sunday on french kiss records. On vocals, the fantastic craig finn is here, everybody. Give it up for craig. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for having me. Seth so happy to have you here. Also, everybody, weve got fred armisen on the drums. Give it up for fred [ cheers and applause ] fred, weve been doing this all week. When youre here, you and i talk about television a lot, and you claim, which i find hard to believe, that you have watched every episode of every Television Show this year. Fred i always do, yes. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Which seems like theres not enough hours in the day to watch every episode of every tv show. Fred but i do. [ light laughter ] seth but, see, theres so many channels and if you think every channel has 24 hours of programming, how are you watching everydays televisions . Fred machines, dvd players, dvr, computers, ipad, laptops. Theres so many ways to watch, you know . Seth all right, so what . Fred screeners. Links. Seth okay. I get it. [ laughter ] so heres how this is going to work, im going to read you the title of a Television Show and if this is true that youve watched every episode of everything, youre be able to tell me what the show is about. Fred great. Seth great. The show is called call me francis and its on netflix. Fred call me francis is do you know it . Seth no. [ light laughter ] fred well, so because its netflix theyve done the whole season already. Seth yeah, i know how that works. [ laughter ] fred okay, so its all ten seth yeah. Now youre just explaining how tv works, youre not explaining the show. [ laughter ] fred its that show, thats just a guilty pleasure. Seth okay. Fred its just fun and its dumb. And its like, campy and cheesy, but its a guilty pleasure, you know what i mean, like seth yeah. Fred its about like makeup and beer, and, like, champagne and its like it seems dumb but its really its just a guilty pleasure. [ light laughter ] seth whats the plot . Fred so francis is just its like francis is just like dumb and crazy. And like kind of yelling at people, but not, and they get drunk. And they just like, theres like a hair salon, but then theres also like a mechanics place. [ light laughter ] a garage. And its just like theyre like falling over seth thats interesting, because i would have just called it a garage right away. But you called it a mechanics place. [ laughter ] fred because theyre in mechanics gear. Seth oh, i see. Fred and its so its very like seth gotcha. Fred its like a soap opera but crazier. [ light laughter ] seth well the description of the show that i have is, you know him as pope francis, but this miniseries chronicles his life from his childhood in military dictatorship to his rise to become the first latinamerican pope. Fred right. [ laughter ] so in that no, in that, those scenes happen, is what im saying. [ laughter ] seth give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is an Emmy Award Winning broadcaster and a best selling author, your host of the Rachel Maddow show, weeknights at 9 00 on msnbc, please welcome back to the show, our friend, Rachel Maddow. [ cheers and applaus] seth very nice kicks. Very colorful kicks. Festive thank you very much. I can find my feet in a dark bar. [ laughter ] seth thats very good. Thats a very helpful thing. Yeah. Seth i want to talk thats going on in world right now, but im always fascinated by how someone like you gets into this world that youre in now. Sort of, journalism but also you have a very strong point of view. And when you were in high school, you were taking a stand for stuff even back then. I cant believe youre using this against me. Seth im not using it against you. No, no, no, it is whats weird is that like you think that there are things that happen in your life that will never, ever resonate ever again. Seth sure. They were one off, they were standalone things. They will never ever be important. And then all of a sudden, like White Supremacism is really popular again in american politics. Seth yeah. And like white nationalists and neonazi groups are like feeling their oats. When i seth its so funny, it is true, people are talking about it now like, ballroom dancing is back [ laughter ] exactly seth this isnt a thing. That one neonazi group theyre dropping the swastika because they want to be more yeah. Seth yeah. So when i was growing up in the bay area in california, people think of the bay area as very liberal, i was like in the had like a klan chapter. And we had racist skinhead groups, these like white aryan resistance skinhead groups and stuff used to recruit at my high school. And so the very first seth with like a folding table and flyers . [ laughter ] like guys in doc martins with white laces and no hair coming around and like seth gotcha. And there were like whitepower concerts and stuff. And me and my friends, the first activism i ever did, is that we put up flyers around town that were rude and the police took them down immediately. That were mean to the racist skin heads. And then we went seth how mean do you have to be to racist skin heads to get it taken down . Well, we thought that the racist skinheads should be kicked out of our school, you know. Seth sure. But they thought that our flyers should be taken down because they had swear words. Seth oh, gotcha. So it wasnt a good move. We were like 15 and we thought it was awesome. Seth right . It didnt work. You cant put that up in the safeway if it has an f word on it. You idiot [ laughter ] seth yeah. No matter what your position is. Exactly. You might be against racism, but thats obscene. Yeah, so that didnt work. But then we went to there were also antiracist skinhead groups. This is like the 80s, right . This is another universe. None of you were alive. [ laughter ] seth so wait, there were good skinheads . There were good skinheads and bad skinheads. And we went to a meeting of the good skinheads and said, please, would you go beat up the bad skinheads in our town. Seth oh, wow. We tried to organize good versus bad skinhead wars around my high school. Seth got it. So that was my first activism. And i thought that would never ever be relevant again. And now the nazis are back. Seth yeah, there you go. Awesome. Seth well, they take their cycles, theyre like cicadas. [ light laughter ] yeah, exactly. Theyve been underground for 17 years pretty much. Seth so we obviously deal with it to a much smaller degree on this show, but covering donald trump is interesting even in this transition period because every part of it is unprecedented. Yeah. Seth and there is no it doesnt seem like theres any way to sort of harken back to historical examples, certainly in this country, for what hes doing. How have you been approaching it day to day . Its a weird challenge because you think in the abstract if something hap t never happened before, theres some political phenomenon, its like nothing weve ever seen. Youd think that would be fascinating, riveting, everybody would be paying attention to it. But theres something about it being unprecedented that makes it harder to understand. Because the way we understand things is, like, look, the last time we did this as a country, remember how that turned out . You cant do that with trump, because he really is doing stuff that nobodys ever done. And it makes it harder to understand the importance of some of it. And so, i mean, for me its exciting because its a storytelling challenge, but it does mean you have to like find reference points you wouldnt expect. Like last night i did this whole rift on like the god of wine had a friend who was half a goat. And the halfgoat friend like you have to you have to find parallels somewhere. [ laughter ] and sometimes its in the history of other countries and sometimes its madeup stuff. Seth its myth. Its from myth. Yep. Seth you have talked i think a lot of people were drawn to donald trump because he is a businessman, he gives off this air of being a successful businessman. Yeah. Seth people are thinking for this country. Youve been talking a lot about the kind of businessman he is, and how it might not necessarily elevate our country, but it might work against our country. Because he is known throughout his career to enrich himself. That has been and thats the thing that i think a lot of people think is great about him, is his selfenrichment. But now its a conflict of interest. Can you talk about that a little . Well, its in you know, in the same way that things are harder to groc because theyre unprecedented, like weve never had a president in the modern era who hasnt showed us his tax returns. Weve never had a president who had active Financial Investments where he could make decisions as a president that would enrich himself. But thats thats happening now. Its not just a threat. I mean, it is happening now. And its i think that to a certain extent, were going to have to get used to the fact that donald trump fans like that hes a businessman and they like that hes made himself very rich and so maybe theyre expecting him to take decisions that are going to enrich himself further as president. Seth but talk about sort of his golf courses in scotland. Yeah. An example as how it could work against our for him but against us. I think that finally will be the sort of thing that maybe makes stuff sink in. Because, like, you were talking about hes very afraid of windmills. Seth he doesnt like windmills. He doesnt like windmills. Seth no. Hes very like theyre his boogeyman. Seth yeah wind is his kryptonite. [ laughter ] when he wakes up sweating in the night, hes like, is it spinning . Is that why you put them on a hill . Seth hes like, is there a windmill here. And shes like, no, donald, its the air conditioner. Its okay. [ laughter ] go back to bed. Are the birds all right . So hes very afraid of windmills. They terrify him. He there are windmills that were near his or were going to be near his golf course in scotland. Seth mmmhmm. So he doesnt like the windmills. He cant stop talking about the windmills. Hes fixated on them. While talking to british politicians after he won the presidency, he brought up the windmills to them. It was, like, thank you for the congratulations, you know, we really shouldnt have those windmills by my golf course. And thats hilarious if you think of it as just his phobia. President , i mean, this seems weird but, you know, scotland could come to him, the uk could come to him and been like, listen, donald, we know you really care about the windmills and you think thats a very important thing for your business. Well get rid of the windmills if you do this thing for our country, which the United States doesnt want to do, its not good for the country, but we want that from you as president and well give you this private benefit instead. That kind of transactional stuff is already a problem. The guy whos building the company thats building his trump towers in turkey, the president of turkey just arrested an executive from that company. Thats a really important business project for donald trump. Turkey can now come and say you want that executive out of prison, do a Little Something for us, in terms of u. S. Policy. So it puts him in a position of choosing himself over the interests of the United States of america. And whether or not you care that hes going to get rich off of all of our backs, the fact that he is going to be in a position where people can leverage the country against his own interest is not good. Great unease for liberals. Is there do you have an optimism for them . Any optimism . I have bright red shoes which is very festive. [ laughter ] i have a family i love and nice dogs. No, i seth well, how about this yeah. [ laughter ] seth because i feel ill push you down an optimistic path and you can decide if you want to continue on down it. All right, digging in my heels. Seth you know, obviously, there was this great enthusiasm for a Bernie Sanders campaign. Now, obviously that came up short, but this was a large group of people who again, a message that is very far away, far afield of what Donald Trumps message is right now. And obviously popular votewise. I know that doesnt matter and i know thats not how we pick our president , but if those people, is there some way to galvanize what happened here . You think yes. Yes. Yeah. I mean this is apocryphal, this is fake. But people always say that, you know, its an ancient chinese curse, mou ive always felt like its a good fake ancient chinese curse that in politics you will be blessed with enemies who are cartoonishly evil. Seth yeah. Yes, let that be a blessing to you. Let the clarity of this new era be a blessing to you. I think that in particularly if youre on the liberal side of the spectrum or if you are scared about donald trump, your life just got different. Like, youve got a different fight of your life than you thought you were going to have. Youre going to have to do different work than you thought you were going to do. And whatever this administration is going to cook up, is going to pose all sorts of fascinating challenges we were not expecting. And working on that stuff is going to be unifying because hes planning to govern, from who hes appointing, he seems to be planning on governing from a really, really out there place, and i think thats going to make for a very interesting time sort of in the opposition, kind of in the resistance. Seth you mentioned a cartoonish one thing that i have found, because it does seem like something from a superhero movie. Is that the the way, the treatment of people like mitt romney. Where he brings in mitt romney out to dinner with him, takes a bunch of pictures, then doesnt give him the job that they were meeting for. Yeah. Seth do you think that is a place that hes being vengeful for to the nevertrump republicans. Yeah, right, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, i mean, the romney thing was never going to happen, right . Like whats the one thing that romney said during his 2012 campaign that anybody remembers other than the 47 . It was when he said, our number one geopolitical foe is trumps daddy, is russia. Seth yeah. If you think thats our numberone geopolitical foe in the world, youre not going to be trumps secretary of state. Trump will have us speaking russian. Seth yeah. This is not youre not going to pick romney. Seth do you think mitt romneys getting enough credit about calling that out . Because that was sort of laughed off by president obama at the time. Yeah, he was like, its not the 80s, its not the cold war. Seth but it turns out, the cicadas are back. [ laughter ] and then trump drags him out i think its in trumps interest that he needs to make sure anybody who took a principled stand against trump, needs to now be brought before trump to grovel. To get rid of anybody having any moral high ground against him. I watching people feel hurt and humiliated. So he dragged romney out, made him do that, made him grovel, made him go eat frogs legs with him at a restaurant and have his picture taken and say it was nice. And then he still rejected him . Seth do you think he made romney pay for that dinner . [ laughter ] because i bet he did. That would be the real burn. Im sure trump is a guy whos like, oh, i forgot my wallet. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] thank you so much for being here. Its always such a pleasure to see you. Rachel maddow, everybody. The Rachel Maddow show airs weeknights at 9 00 on msnbc. Well be right back with kelly osbourne. [ cheers and applause ] come on why doesnt verizon offer unlimited data like tmobile . Is it because their lte network was built six years ago . Six years ago . Thats like a hundred. In phone years. Their lte network is older, slower, and they limit you. Switch to tmobile. The newer, faster, and unlimited network. S, just 40 a month. Rrowl. Dear santa, ive been a very i would like a le. Lexus lexus g. Gsf. Let mommy help. With Mark Levinson sound. Well just put a little bit of glitter on here. Mommy, your wish came true. If youre going to wish, wish big at the lexus december to remember sales event. Get up to 2,500 customer cash on select 2016 and 2017 models for these terms. See your lexus dealer. Therthere is nothing typical about making movies. Im victoria alonso and im an executive producer. At marvel studios. We are very much handson producers. If my office. Becomes a plane or an airport the surface pros perfect. Fast and portable but also light. You dont do this 14 hours a day, 7 days a week for. Decades if you dont feel it in your heart. Thats the only super power i have. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Our next guest is one of the judges on project runway junior, which has its season premiere tomorrow night on lifetime. Please welcome to the show, kelly osbourne, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . I am so well but so nervous to be on your show. Seth why are you nervous to be on this show . Because i watch with my dad like every night. Seth that makes me very happy that you watch this show with your dad. I do and my favorite episode recently is you with mariah in the sleigh, in the sleigh seth i had Mariah Carey Seth and your face was like seeing the real santa at christmas. You were like [ laughter ] with everything she said, and i was like just as stoked as you were. Seth well, i usually, obviously, i interview people at desks all the time. And mariah carey was coming, queen of christmas so we interviewed her in a sleigh, and it was great. She is queen of christmas. Seth then i got to take the sleigh home and did you really . Seth no. I didnt get to take it home. [ laughter ] oh my god if you did, then that would make the coolest ornament ever. Seth its very hard. Youd be surprised. Its very hard to find a sleigh last minute in new york. You would think its easy. I guess in june its probably super easy to find a sleigh, but this time of year. Probably. Seth so congratulations. Project runway junior. The junior is key here. It is key, and it makes me so proud and happy to be a part of a show that involves fashion that is not a, see you next tuesday kind of show. If you know what im saying. Seth i know exactly what youre saying. Thank you. Seth i dont think the juniors know. No hopefully not. Fingers crossed. Ill get in trouble. Harvey weinstein im sorry. And lifetime. But to see these Young Designers seth and how old are they . 13 through 17. Seth got it. And theyve never met anyone like them. So when theyre in their hometowns theyre like the loners or considered like the freak, geek, dork. And to be put in a room with people for the first time that are just like them is a beautiful experience within itself. Regardless of their capabilities of designing and what they create every single week. Except for, you start the day and youre like, i cant wait to see what theyve done. And then you leave and youre crying and you have to stay at home and like get in a bath for three hours because youve just solo destroyed a child. Seth sure. Its really really hardcore. Seth obviously part of this is you have to send them home, you have to say, its over for you. At the end of each week, yes, we do. Seth see i would love that. [ laughter ] you are so evil. You are come in, telling a 15yearold she doesnt have it. Try telling a 13yearold. Its even worse. And you sit there and like youre sobbing and we all have our own individual like psycho killer faces where it looks like weve had too much botox cause were trying not to cry. So were like [ laughter ] seth oh, yeah, because you would lose your edge if you cried as a judge. I mean, i think of myself as a bit of an emotional wreckedge, you know what im saying . So i can still try cry. Seth oh yeah sure, sure. Thats good. Great. And one of your cojudges, hanna jeter, a very beautiful woman, a model. Youre talking about ugly bitch. Seth ok now. Thats what i call her in my phone, because she is so ridiculously beautiful in every way you can imagine. Seth yeah. Physically, her personality. You should see what she looks like when she wakes up in the morning and she comes on to set and her hair is wet and shes just wearing pretty much like a sack and a pair of flipflops. Youre like how do you look this seth oh so shes sack gorgeous. She looks good in a sack . I mean you could put her in a garbage bag and seth shes garbage bag gorgeous . [ laughter ] yes, she is. She is. Seth oh, my god. This morning we started work at like 4 00 a. M. This morning and promoting the show, which im so excited, coming out tomorrow. But i looked at her and im, like, i hate you. This took me like four hours. That took you like 20 minutes. And its not fair. Not fair at all. Seth yeah. Well, some people are very lucky. [ laughter ] shes like a freak of nature. I always tell her that. And shes so nice and charitable seth shes a very nice person. There is nothing about her that is wrong. Im like its not fair. Seth those people are awful. Thank you [ laughter ] seth honest. Its just awful. When they dont have anything wrong, you just its hard not to dislike them. So i have a question for you here. I know obviously christmas is coming up. I can imagine christmas at the osbournes is a pretty good time, maybe not a conventional christmas. No. Seth its not a good time . No. We dont like christmas. Seth oh you dont . Ozzy doesnt like christmas . No. Me and him find a way of watching the same movie 25 times over and over again. And i dont get to speak, even though hes seen it seth what movie . It depends. Seth oh, okay gotcha. One year it was crash. Seth crash . [ laughter ] on christmas . Yes. And even though even though like we knew what was going to happen next, if i even so much as breathe heavy, hed be like shh im, like, im so sorry. So seth was he into christmas when you were younger . He was. He really was, but there were things that he would do i thank the lord hes still alive because he would put horseshoes on his shoes and climb on the roof with bells. [ laughter ] and we would think that it was santa and his sleigh. But our sister told me and my brother that santa wasnt real, which is a lie. To any children watching. And so my brother and i decided to set up a booby trap with fishing wire. S so it was like a spider web of hell. Seth to catch santa claus. Yes. Seth okay. Except for it was my dad. And he pretty much ate it in every way possible. All the drawers broke. Everything fell off my brothers shelves. Seth oh so he didnt smell out that there was a trap. No. Seth i guess ozzy strikes me as a guy who would maybe walk right into a trap. Exactly. [ laughter ] thank you. He did. Oh, i love my dad so much. He was trying so hard. The only way we still got our christmas presents were that me and my brother were, like, you lied to us [ laughter ] so we got our get out of jail card with that one. Seth thats fantastic. Well congratulations on the season. I cant wait to see it. Thank you so much for being here. Kelly osbourne, everybody. Project runway junior premieres tomorrow on lifetime. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] o romeo, romeo wherefore art thou romeo. Call me but love, henceforth i never will be romeo my love is deep, the more i give to thee. A thousand times goodnight. Hthis thing weve all donellfie. Doesnt need to be a thing. Theres a smart way to stay fresh. Hanes with freshiq advanced odorprotection technology. Bonus packs available now. Thousands of barrels lay silent. Of jim beam, that only comes from being aged four long years. At jim beam, our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . And were proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the worlds highest rated bourbon. Their words not ours, make history. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night. Now many of you probably dont know this, but in addition to being one of the best crews in television. All, every one of the people who work behind the scenes here at late night from the camera operators to the sound engineers, are extremely respected and accomplished poets. Its true. In fact, a lot of them work at the show during the day and write and teach poetry at night. So we thought why not let them share some of their poetry with you in our latest edition of a very special holidaythemed crew poetry. Seth first up is the recipient of the 2015 walt whitman poetry award and our camera guy, gene kelly. Hell be reading a poem entitled my christmas wish. My christmas wish. Deck the halls. Its finally here. The season of joy, peace, and good cheer. Its my favorite time. The lights, the trees, caroling till dawn. Stop telling me happy kwanzaa, you damn moron. [ laughter ] i dont celebrate kwanzaa. Dont even know what it is. Is there presents, stockings . Man, id fail that pop quiz. I was born in harlem. Never even wore a dawshiki. Except when my girlfriend wants me to. [ laughter ] cause it gets her all freaky. [ cheers and applause ] seth wow. Took a turn there at the end gene but thank you so much. Up next is our own kenny coyle. Kenny teaches poetry at the university of cambridge, he is the winner of the penn volker award for poetry and is a member of our utility crew. Hell be reading a poem entitled holiday memory. Holiday memory. By kenny coyle. I will never forget that cold december day. My parents sat me down with something to say. Kenny, dear boy, this may give you pause, but were sorry to say theres no santa claus. I cried, i yelled, i told them they were [ bleep ] insane. [ laughter ] how do gifts get to kids from utah to maine . I burst out the door, i wept in the snow. I remember it vividly. It was two days ago. [ cheers and applause ] seth thank you so much, kenny. Next up is my assistant, erica schechter. Shes been my assistant for three years. And along with bob dylan, won this years nobel prize for literature for her poetry. She will be reading a haiku entitled holiday bonus. Holiday bonus by erica schechter. I know seths secrets. The crimes. The dead body. I want more money. [ laughter ] seth um. How how much do you want . 1 million. Seth ill give you 20 bucks. Okay. [ laughter ] seth thank you, erica. You drive a hard bargain. Next up, we have a very special guest, our band leader fred armisen who along with being the cocreator and star of portlandia is also the United States poet laureate. Hell be performing a beat poem entitled new years groove. Fred new years groove by fred armisen. 2016, reaching its conclusion its time for that new years resolution lose some of that weight work harder in school nah next year im just gonna be more cool [ scat singing ] [ laughter ] seth fred, sorry, buddy. Fred yes . You just interrupted the poem. Seth i was wondering if there was any more to it than that. Fred there is not. [ laughter ] seth did you forget this was happening today . Fred no. Seth are you lying . Fred yes. [ laughter ] seth and finally, everybody, we have our cue card guy, wally. Holiday secrets by wally ferestein. The season of giving ushers in love and good cheer. Its as if everywhere you look a present is near. Well, i have a secret, seth. A wish i can grant ya. Good old saint wally is your office secret santa. Youll love your gift. Its expensive to boot. Shes a prostitute. [ laughter ] no, no, no, no, seth, theres no reason to get upset. No need to frown. She looks like halle berry from the back and sting when she turns around. [ laughter ] shell be at your place tonight. In fact, shes already there. Her main turnon is white talk show hosts with real pointy hair. Seth wait, wally, did you say theres a prostitute at my house . Is one not enough . Look at you, mr. Mighty mouse. Seth its not the number. I have a wife and kid, you fool. Dont worry about your wife. I told her. Its all cool. Seth my wife seriously didnt care . I find that hard to believe. Thats because i hooked her up with our hunky stage manager steve. [ laughter ] so enjoy your prostitute, seth. Have fun and delight. And Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. [ cheers and applause ] seth i gotta love you, wally. Well be right back, everybody. [ cheers and appe theres no one id rather hit the road with. No one id rather have dinner and a movie with. No one id rather lean on. Being in love is an amazing thing. Being in love with your best friend. Is everything. The ever us twostone ring. One diamond for your best friend. One for your true love. For the one woman in your life whos both. Ever us. Available at kay, jared and zales. My new beer, stella artois, hey cois finished. The people will love it. Originally brewed for the holidays. Enjoyed ever since. Stella artois. Host one to remember and let roomba from irobot help with your everyday messes. Roomba navigates your entire home. Cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours. Which means your floors are always clean. You and roomba, from irobot. Better. Together. These as wamy. Its been years oh, you smell the same. Meet my wife and my kids. Oh you guys are so goodlooking. And impeccably dressed. Thanks. Its all old navy. You sending off some last minute gifts . I miss us. You know . You should go to old navy. G idea. Okay, i think ill go there. Get out of here. I dont know what that is. Im just scratching my eyes. How else do you think he gets around so fast . Take the reins this holiday and get the mercedesbenz youve always wanted during the winter event. Now lease the 2017 gla250 for 329 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Announcer be sure to join us on december, 31st at 10 00 pm for our late night with seth meyers new years eve special. With seths guests, jennifer lawrence, arnold scwarzenegger, leslie jones and music from kelly clarkson. [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to Rachel Maddow, kelly osbourne, fred armisen, craig finn, and of course, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson hey gang its carson daly, thank you so much for being here. It is last call. Coming up tonight the music temples were going to do that from theeragram ballro