In an interview today, trump advisor Kellyanne Conway, said she was giving ivanka trumps clothing line a free commercial, and encouraged people to go buy it. Though, i dont know if id take fashion advice from a woman who dresses like she shes in marching band, at Napoleon Bonaparte middle school. [ laughter and applause ] president trump, will host canadian Prime Minister justin trudeau, at the white house next week. Are you sure thats a good idea . [ light laughter ] thats like your or your wife bringing Margot Robbie home for dinner. Were not gonna hear anything you say for a month after that. What . Yeah, yeah, border wall. Hey, have you heard from justin lately . [ laughter and applause ] a snowstorm in the northeast today caused many schools in the area to close. Said betsy devos, what . The School Closures werent supposed to start yet. [ laughter and applause ] today that using the term fake news towards journalists is equivalent to saying racial slurs like the n word. What . . [ laughter ] fake news, please. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new poll, 72 of americans are either very concerned, or somewhat concerned, about climate change, while others are just making the best of it. [ laughter ] Senate Minority leader Chuck Schumers office, recently reported that it gets around 1. 5 million calls from constituents per day, but most of them are just people asking him to push up his glasses. [ light laughter ] yes, hello, its very distracting to me. Kfc singapore is selling a Fried Chicken crusted pizza, which is made with an all chicken crust, pineapple, ham and additional chicken on top. Its just their way of saying, [ light laughter ] the cast of house of cards, veep, and scandal reportedly will not attend the White House Correspondents Association dinner in april, to protest president trump. To protest the fact that hes stealing all their plot lines . [ laughter and applause ] we have to write scripts and you are taking all the good ideas. Plans to set up free wifi zones at Mount Everest base camp were announced yesterday, though if youre really excited about that, maybe mountain climbing isnt your thing. [ light laughter ] finally, everest whats your wifi . [ light laughter ] and finally, florida firefighters yesterday rescued a man who was trapped inside a garbage truck. Thank you yelled steve bannon. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen we have a great show for you tonight. Shes from the new netflix show Santa Clarita diet. You know her, we know her, Drew Barrymore is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] one of the all time greats. From the new series on hbo, crashing, artiela you guys. [ cheers and applause ] and hes a Pulitzer Prize winning author, and his new collection of stories, the refugees, is out now. Viet thanh nguyen is here tonight. So excited about that. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to all that, this has been an especially revealing week, when it comes to how donald trump views president ial power. In just the past few days, hes used his status as president to slam a private company, threaten a local lawmaker, and attack the courts and the free press. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] the Trump Administration is in the middle of a contentious battle over the president s controversial travel ban, which a court tonight refused to reinstate. Trump has claimed this ban is urgently necessary for national security, but critics argue its counterproductive and unconstitutional. So naturally, trump has made sure to keep his priorities straight. We have some breaking news coming in about Nordstrom Department store. President trump earlier today tweeting a bit of an attack on nordstrom, for their decision to pull his daughters line of clothing. He tweeted out, my daughter ivanka, has been treated so unfairly by nordstrom. She is a great person, always pushing me to do the right thing terrible seth is it terrible that she pushes you to do the right thing, or is she terrible at pushing you to do the right thing . [ light laughter ] now you might think, scolding a Department Store is not very president ial, but to be fair, who can forget this fiery letter Abraham Lincoln wrote to a hat making shop in 1862. Dearest sirs, i have been informed that you do not want to carry my personal line of stovepipe hats. Regretful. I hope the rain destroys your cheap loser hats, and then a bird [ bleep ] on your head. [ laughter and applause ] seth now another worrisome thing about trumps tweet, is that it was written at 10 51 a. M. , but according to the president s daily schedule, he was supposed to be receiving his daily intelligence briefing at 10 30 a. M. [ audience ohs ] so is trump skipping out on an intelligence briefing, to tweet about his daughters business . White House Press Secretary sean spicer tried to clear things up. The timing of that tweet, it looked like it was right after his president no, it wasnt. Or during, can you just i ive heard the conjecture. He was free when that happened. Seth okay, but heres my question, why was he free when that happened . [ light laughter ] did the briefing really take less than 20 minutes . I feel like the president s daily intelligence briefing should take longer than an episode of vanderpump rules. Also, if he was tweeting about nordstrom right after the briefing, something tells me he wasnt totally focused during the briefing. [ light laughter ] mr. President , here are some Satellite Photos of troop movements in iran. Okay, and what if ive got a bone to pick with a stuckup Department Store . Would i send the marines, or is that more of a job for Seal Team Six . [ light laughter ] but not only is the white house not apologizing for trumps attack, white house officials are now openly advertising ivanka trumps products from the White House Briefing room, as Kellyanne Conway did this morning. Go buy ivankas stuff, is what i would i tell you. [ talking over each other ] i hate shopping and im gonna go get some for myself today. Its a wonderful line. I own some of it. I fully im gonna just give im gonna a free commercial here. Okay. Go buy it today, everybody. You can find it online. Seth from now on, the only network Kellyanne Conway should be allowed on is qvc. Its a wonderful line. [ cheers and applause ] i own some of it. I fully im gonna just give im gonna give a free commercial here. Okay. Go buy it today, everybody. You can find it online. Seth and incidentally before you take conways advice, and run out and buy ivanka trumps products, you might want to consider that some of her scarves were recalled last year, because they do not meet the federal flammability standards for clothing textiles posing a burn risk. Of course, those were the old federal flammability standards. Im sure theyll be looser in a Trump Administration. [ laughter and applause ] so trump seems to think its his prerogative as president , to use the power of his office to silence or punish critics. For example, when he was meeting with local sheriffs at the te complained that a local lawmaker in his home state of texas, wants to prevent him from seizing the assets of suspects before those suspects are found guilty. So trump asked if he, as the president , should step in. We got a state senator in texas, he was he was talking about introducing legislation to require conviction before we could receive the forfeiture money. Can you believe that . And, i told him that the cartel would build a monument to him in mexico if he could get that legislation passed. Who is the state senator . Do you want to give his name . Will it destroy his career . [ laughter ] seth what is a good way to destroy someones career . Oh, i know, you should make him stand behind you at a press conference. [ laughter and applause ] seth very hard. Very hard to bounce back. But trump hasnt just used his president ial power to threaten private companies and state law makers. Hes also used his office to attack the free press, by repeatedly claiming theres a conspiracy in the media to cover things up. Like what he claims is the historically high crime rate. The murder rate in our country is the highest its been in 47 years, right . Did you know that . 47 years. I used to use that. Id say that in a speech and everyone was surprised, because the press doesnt tell it like it is. It wasnt to their advantage to say that. Seth maybe everybody was surprised when you told them that because its not true. [ light laughter ] the murder rate did tick up slightly in 2015, but is still close to the 57yearlow it hit in 2014. You know, its easy to surprise people if you just make [ bleep ] up. [ laughter and applause ] you do know mike pence . True story. True story, mike pence was lady gagas stunt double at the super bowl. People [ light laughter ] and people act surprised when i tell them that. [ light laughter ] or how about trumps claim that the media is also, for nefarious reason, covering up acts of terrorism. Trump claimed on monday, that in many cases the very, very dishonest press, doesnt want to report it. And the white house then issued a list of acts of terrorism they claim the media did not sufficiently cover. Prompting cnn in turn, to go back thrh find its segments covering all of those incidents. Which led to this visual of cnn filling its own screen with footage of past cnn segments. I knew this would happen, cnn is folding in on itself. [ light laughter ] soon its just gonna be wolf blitzer interviewing himself for six hours. [ light laughter ] youre in the situation room. No, youre in the situation room. But there is one terrorist incident that really has been ignored, not by the media, but trump himself, a shooting at a mosque in quebec by a white, rightwing terrorist. Trump has not issued a single Public Comment about that incident, so cnns jake tapper asked Kellyanne Conway why he kept silent. President trump has not said or tweeted one public word about this. You want to talk about ignoring terrorism . Why hasnt the president offered his sympathy to our neighbors in the north . Well, i know hes sympathetic to any loss of life. I will ask him. He doesnt tweet about everything. He doesnt need to comment about everything. Seth oh, he doesnt tweet about everything . Because it sure feels like he does. In fact, heres a list of some [ applause ] you tweet about everything. [ light laughter ] at this point when i forget to pick up milk, theres a part of me thats afraid im gonna come home to an angry trump tweet about that. [ laughter ] and its hard because i got a lot going on. Sorry, im a little drunk now. [ light laughter ] despite trumps attacks on the media, it is of course, trump himself who continues to peddle falsehs does not have a relationship with Vladimir Putin, tweeting, i dont know putin. Have no deals in russia, and the haters are going crazy. Please stop using the term haters. [ light laughter ] youre the president of the united states, not a blist rapper. [ laughter ] and the haters are gonna stop hating, once i turn this economy around by making it rain, biatches. [ light laughter ] still, hes right. Hes right. Anyone who claims trump does have a relationship with Vladimir Putin is just a hater. Like this guy. Do you have a relationship with Vladimir Putin, a conversational relationship. I do have a relationship. When i went to russia with the ms. Universe pageant, he contacted me, and was so nice. I was in russia, i was in moscow recently, and i spoke indirectly and directly with president putin who who could not have been nicer. Seth its just really hard to picture putin as nice. Donald, come to moscow. I will pick you up from airport. You say the presid suite has great views, plenty of cameras i mean, candles. [ laughter ] so trump has used his office to threaten private companies, state lawmakers, and the press, and now hes also attacking the courts over his controversial travel ban. After a judge halted the ban, trump tweeted wednesday, big increase in traffic into our country from certain areas. While our people are far more vulnerable as we wait for what should be easy d easy d . [ light laughter ] damn, maybe you are a blist rapper. [ laughter and applause ] trump insisted insisted he couldnt fathom why the court would block his order, and claimed that americans should trust him on the legality of the ban, because hes super smart. I was a good student. I understand things. I comprehend very well, okay. Better than, i think, almost anybody. [ light laughter ] seth you were a good student . I dont know. Something tells me your report card was less as and more easyds. [ laughter and applause ] in fact in fact, theres been from sources inside the white house about trumps competence for the job, that would seem to under cut his claim that he understands things. For example, a white house aid recently told the Huffington Post that the commander and chief doesnt like to read long memos, so preferably, they must be no more than a single page. They must have bullet points, but not more than nine per page. In fact ideally, his Intelligence Briefings would be delivered via meme. [ laughter ] so trump is using the powers of the presidency to attack the courts, the press, and private companies. The president should not be using his office to benefit his family business. Next thing you know, easyd is going to call a press conference to advertise his latest album. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night everybody. [ cheers and applause ] Liberty Mutual stood with me when i was too busy with the kids to get a repair estimate. Liberty did what . Yeah, with Liberty Mutual all i needed to do to get an estimate was snap a photo of the damage and voila voila y had that. Wait hold it. Hold it boys. Theres supposed to be three of you. Wheres your brother . Wheres your brother . Hey, wheres charlie . Charlie . you can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you. Liberty stands with you™ Liberty Mutual insurance and since most people use less than 5 gigs, arent one size fits all. 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[car driving upon the water] [ cheers and applause ] seth our first guest is a talented actress who you know from films like 50 first dates and charlies angels. She stars in the new series Santa Clarita diet, which is currently streaming on netflix. Lets take a look. Youre blind . How could you not see me [ bleep ] . I usually want your last words to be me e you, bitch. Oh, my god what did i do . I couldnt control it. And the streets right there, what if somebody sees us, what are we going to do . Okay, theres nobody around, its dark, and there are no security cameras. Well wrap this body in a tarp and well put it in our car, take it to the storage unit where you can eat. Ill mop up the blood and pour some bleach on the spot so it doesnt stain. We havent touched his car, so well leave it here. You understand . I understand its super sexy when you take control. Sheila. Right, put a pin in it. Seth please welcome to the show Drew Barrymore, everybody [cheers and applause] seth hi, how are you . Hi hi, howre you . [cheers and applause] seth you are hi so good seth im so happy youre here. And i do want to start youre one of the most polite, lovely people i know. Thank you seth and as an example you, right over here, you said, is it okay if i go say hi to fred . Yeah, of course seth you asked my permission, which was so nice of you. Im you know, i want to do the right thing, but i also, was like, i had to do it. Seth yeah. So, you know seth and you say that even though i said, no [ light laughter ] im rebellious sometimes. Seth this show is so much fun. For those who havent seen it, it is really unique and different. Zombies are big right now. Seth yeah. You have this completely unique take on zombies. Yes seth but you you actually got a concussion shooting this and i believe it was that scene, yeah. That scene, actually. I we were in rehearsal for it, and it was like the second kind of like getting their second wave on, and after lunch, you know, youre just like, okay, lets go for the next 12 hours. And i eagerly jumped on the guys back as i am supposed to do in the scene, but it was a rehearsal, and he wasnt prepared for it, so he leaned up, and i took a sixfoot fall onto the concrete and couldnt, i mean, ambulance, neck brace. Seth wow. Like completely couldnt move, and i couldnt stop crying because ive never been hurt like since ive been a mom. And all you keep thinking is like, i cant be unokay for my children. And then i have this emt next to me who is a total dick drill sergeant. [ light laughter ] who kept saying, stop crying, why are you crying . And i was like, because im afraid that im going to be like dead, or paralyzed, and i have two kids oh my god, youre making it so much worse [ light laughter ] like, do you know nothin do you know nothing about a woman in an ambulance in a neck brace who is a single mom, you dick [ cheers and applause ] seth i i think that guy went home that night and had a cry. Well, you know what, if he didnt, hes hopefully going to tonight. And then i spent two days in a hospital in mris and cat scans because they were worried whatever happened in the brain was going to swell. And then i was with mason, who i work with. And on day two, i started talking about how i wanted to redecorate the room. And hes like, youre good to go, were leaving. [ light laughter ] if youre good enough to figure out that these like things on a trolley could really work for like small space design, and were leaving right now. And we did. Seth for those cant who dont know. What exactly, explain the premises of Santa Clarita diet. I am a woman who is married for 25 years to a wonderful man, timothy olyphant, who is so awesome and funny. Seth hes one of the alltime greats. He was a big draw for me like, for the show. The writing was so good and i knew he was in it and i could visualize this world and i read it when i was like in a dark place in my life. And it took me out of it and it made me laugh. And it was touching at the same time. It has like this optimism through all this craziness. And that is life. So, i liked it. Seth i mean you can kind of tell, but certainly not to give anything away, but what i really enjoyed about it, is this couple, just like one of them becoming a zombie, is still very much in love. Theres always something. Seth yeah, theres always something. [ light laughter ] in a marriage, if people can be better partners through adversity, i like this. And i dont want to see people fighting. Im like over it. I want to see, i want to see something with balls and backbone. Look, weve surpassed were not doing the Dick Van Dyke show. In fact, this might be the modern version of the Dick Van Dyke show. Seth yeah, yeah. Its like we are what the 50s was in todays times. Like people are so advanced in their kind of nn sensory overload and seeing everything. We just live in that cagey time, where this feels like a network 9 00 8 00 show. Seth yeah, it really does. You have two girls. How old are your girls, now . I do, i have frankie, who is going to be 3 and olive, whos going to be 5. Seth and you took them to disney . I know i birthed two kids [ cheers and applause ] its so awesome. Seth disneyland or disney world. This was disney world. Seth okay, so this is and this by the way, theyre dressed up, they look so cute frankie, every day since weve gone there wants to go to disney world. And ive tried to talk to her rationally, im like so we have to go to delta at laguardia and get back on the plane and go to orlando. Like its gonna be hard to get to disney world, now. Seth every day. Which she seth but she love it is. She loves they are so crazy about it. And it was the best experience ever. Like i just had tears of joy seeing their joy. But then its like, if youve ever taken your kids to d mayhem. Seth yeah, this seems to be a moment where you caught the mayhem. Yep. Seth shes just done. [ laughter ] that is a legitimate picture of my daughter just losing it on the floor. In this case, she wanted to chase a duck or like, an egret. Seth yeah. It was florida. So some interesting bird. Maybe a disney employee. Maybe not. Maybe wild. [ light laughter ] but olive was determined to catch it. And in hindsight, as a parent, you have these revelations like, i should have let her catch it. Because she either would have, and been satisfied or, she wouldnt have been mad at the duck and not her mom who tried to stop her from chasing the bird. I say just let them chase it. Seth let them chase it. And is this like a different day . This was disneyland, by the way. This is the Santa Clarita diet. Seth okay, gotcha. Im 20 pounds heavier. Seth oh, yeah, you, thats a very yeah, by the way. Seth there you go. Seth yeah. Sheila hannen, she made me drop 20. Seth if youre a zombie that ate humans, yeah and you ate all protein, you would thin out. Seth yeah. So i wanted to as her. Seth okay. This is her losing it at disneyland. Because it all ends up there. Like you push it hard enough, because youre like, im here, lets not lets skip the nap, and lets go, go, go. Seth right. You want to maximize it. Seth how much this is how it always ends for me. Seth ive got my 10 month old and so im just learning this. How much warning do you have before a full meltdown . Is it pretty instantaneous . By the way, they come at the most interesting times. You cannot predict. I think you should have like ten consistent tools in your arsenal. Seth like handcuffs, things like that [ light laughter ] metaphorically, well its either like the tender loving approach or the like im very serious approach or the im going to, like, you know, i mean seth i like your approach, which is a photo op. [ laughter ] like i like the picture that you gave your camera to a stranger, whos like, oh, my god. Oh, no, thats masoag were leaving. It was kind of like the Santa Clarita concussion. He was like, and it is done, were leaving, its over. Seth well, i hope you keep bringing them back, because they obviously love it. And thanks so much for being here. Thank you so much you have to bring your kids to disneyland. Theyre going to love it [ cheers and applause ] they love it. They love it until they lose it. And they will always lose it. Seth Drew Barrymore, everybody. Santa clarita diet streaming on netflix now, well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] on your phone and online. S a modern way to pay. So you dont miss his first birthday. Tickets, i need to see your tickets sir. I masterpassed it. Feeling like father of the year priceless masterpass, the secure way to pay from your bank dont just buy it. Masterpass it. Classic hersheys outside. With a new creamy, crunchy inside. New hersheys cookie layer crunch. Classic reimagined. Thats three mac sizes made just for you so no matter where you might be at theres a big mac for that chorus big mac for that shoe game inspired . Views keep getting higher . Ahhhhh chorus theres a big mac for that you got a text back . Oooo. Can you freeze it like that . Chorus big mac for that wait. Theres three big macs for that actually. Lets go juicy, cheesy, iconic big mac. Now in three sizes, but only for a limited time. Im lovin it ba da ba ba ba [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night everybody and please give it up for the 8g band, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, were so happy to have fred armisen back with us on the drums this week, our band leader, such a pleasure having you here. Fred thank you. Seth fred, the thing i love about you is you are just always in the news. I feel like i cannot open up a newspaper and not see that you are in the news. Fred yes. Seth and obviously, the news yesterday was that nordstrom was dropping ivanka trumps brand, and then i read today, is it true that nordstrom has picked up the fred armisen brand . Fred thats right. Seth so, what are you selling at nordstroms . Fred mummy tape. Mummy, like you know, the cloth you put around mummies . Seth yeah, sure. [ laughter ] fred so, you know, so that if you so if you like have museum somewhere and you need to like wrap up the mummies more, ive got my own line. [ light laughter ] its like a replica of old mummified cloth. [ laughter ] seth i would think like museums though, i think part of the thing is they have the original mummy tape. Fred thats what you would believe. Seth right. [ light laughter ] fred it just really decomposes so quickly that my line of clothes is just like you can dress like a mummy. You can use it for your museum. Its just like seth oh, so you can also wear it as like just as a way, im going out for the night, im going to dress like a mummy. Fred you can do that as well. [ light laughter ] you could dress up like a mummy and i dont mean for halloween and all that, like this is like for serious mummy fans that just want to like seth gotcha, is there a line of is it just formal wear . Or is there sort of like sporty mummy stuff and business stuff. Fred mummy stuff is very formal. Seth okay. [ light laughter ] fred its a very, very serious part. So it is only formal. Highly formal. Its not for playing around. Seth okay, got ya. How much does a roll of mummy tape cost you . Fred 100, 200, 300, 400. Seth how do you not know . Fred its by size. Seth oh, okay. Got you. And so if i go to nordstrom, what should i whats it called . What am i looking for . Fred its called the ivanka line. [ light laughter ] seth give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our next guest is a very funny comedian, podcast host and bestselling author. You can see him in the new hbo series crashing, which premieres february 19th. Lets take a look. Wait a minute shes supports you. You mean emotionally . No, money. She support you financially, your wife . Yeah. Thats the stupidest [ bleep ] thing ive ever heard. No, its like a wife supporting a guy in medical school. How is it like that . At the end of the medical school youre a doctor, you start at about 900 grand a year. At the end of this, ill be a comedian. Seth please welcome to the show our friend artie lange, ry [ cheers and applause ] seth hi, artie i i got to say, i got to explain my appearance real quick. I i dont, im not secure with my hair. I have a bald spot and stuff. And i have a very witty, english doorman. Seth okay. He says something witty every once in a while. He hit it tonight. [ light laughter ] i said, hey man, im kind of worried what do i you like the way i look . And i swear he said this. He goes, you look like a chubby jewel thief. [ laughter ] seth you do look like a chubby jewel thief the only other witty thing he said one time when i was dressed up like an actress for halloween and he told me i looked like obese witherspoon. [ laughter ] which is, i mean, the guy should be writing for something. Seth yeah. You gotta give me his number. I want to ask about this because a lot of people, its fascinating now, their first interaction with the man donald trump. Right. Seth and now hes president donald trump. You roasted him in 2004 at the friars club. I did, yep. Seth and based on your memory, he loved he loved the jokes. He loved everything. He laughed at everything. Seth laughed at everything. He loved the grammy women stuff, he loved the buying furniture stuff. Seth everything was fine, and then he comes on howard stern. Right. Seth and you retell him some of the jokes well, this is where howards brilliant. He knew to make me tell the joke in a tiny little area where hed feel trapped trump. Seth right. So, yeah, trump comes in and goes, artie was the best, he was the funniest. He was the funniest. And then howard made me tell the joke. And then i was a loser. [ light laughter ] seth and this is im so glad we have Video Evidence of this because its so fascinating to watch how quickly his opinion changes on you. Unbelievable, i dont know. Seth lets take a look. What was your best joke, go ahead. But he was the funniest who is this let me hear two of the jokes. You know, theres talk about some donald financial problems in Atlantic City and i said, if donald took his daughter for a drive through Atlantic City and said, someday, honey, your name will be at the top of guy named borgata. He had to bring this crap up. You brought it up. He was terrible. [ laughter ] he was terrible. He did a lousy job. Im a loyal person. Right. I was nice to this guy. Right. [ light laughter ] and he comes and hits me. Wait a second, though. Its a joke. I dont care. I dont take jokes. [ laughter ] i mean, how obsessive, i was i am a d list comedian in the back of a room and hes arguing with me. Seth yeah and came and said you were the funniest and then you retell one joke and youre the worst you bombed. Yeah, yeah, you could tell you could talk about anything except his business. Seth yeah, so thats the thing, right . That was the sweet stuff. Right, yeah, yeah, you could talk about his daughter, his family, anything, his looks, if you mess with his business, forget it, youre a loser. Seth yeah, but you guys are you made up . We made up, yeah. Seth because this is years how many years later are you talking . [ laughter ] this is a year later, me, him and eli manning. Seth you, him, and eli manning. Yeah. Seth and was it fun being now i will say it does it looks like of the three of you, you golf the least. [ laughter ] before this, i had golfed i was drunk, shirtless and throwing the ball by the fourth hole. [ laughter ] seth oh, so this is your classy outing . Both of you so trump goes like this, hes like a fourth grader. He goes, hey, nice golf swing, art. And i go, dude, i wasnt busy inheriting a Million Dollars when i was sixteen. I couldnt work on my golf swing. I was sheet rocking a bathroom, you scum bag. [ laughter and applause ] he wants to talk about golf, im not a rich guy, and eli manning scratch golfer. Unbelievable. Seth really . But that was awkward because i do a joke in my act about if it wasnt for eli manning, tom brady would have a perfect life and, you know, eli manning, you know, you know. Tom brady looks like he looks when he cant beat guy whos a mouth breather in the and he the entire time eli had his mouth open, and trump and i started goofing on that. And it was like putting a kid in a locker or something. Trump was putting eli in a locker and i was letting him out. Seth yeah. [ light laugh] obviously now, he came out and he said his entire life hes worried about fixing the black community. Seth yeah, well thats what i was saying, so youre golfing with trump and then did you have a sense then of what his positions were politically . You know what, people, hes not a liar. Back then, me and eli, after we golfed, he wanted to go out and get some women and have fun and he said, you keep going down that deadend street, guys. Im going to go help the blacks. Seth oh, he said that at the end of golfing . [ light laughter ] at the end of, yeah. He said, listen i said, don, come one, lets have one drink, donald. He goes, no, no, no, no, no, but you go have one drink, im going to fix the black community. [ light laughter ] seth wow, you you so you grew up in jersey as you mentioned. Yeah, i grew up in new jersey. Seth did you did you travel with a rough crew . Yeah i had the delvecchio brothers. Me and the two delvecchio brothers would steal stuff from a Department Store called two guys. Seth okay. It was before like, you know, all this technology with, you know, good alarm systems and stuff, and the oldest guy who i worship, Frankie Delvecchio, he had that pot smoking laugh. Uhhuh. [ laughter ] like, you get if you smoke too much pot. Like, sean penn still has it. He lapses into spicoli if hes talking politics, we cant let cuba [ laughter ] so its important that Frankie Delvecchio had that laugh. We go to the part where theres camping, okay, a little north. Seth youre going to steal camping equipment. We said, lets try to steal some camping equipment. Seth gotcha. We used to put a bat down our leg and just walk out with a limp. It was easy, you know. Seth yeah. I had 80 bats. So Frankie Delvecchio, sees a canoe, and he goes, im going to steal that canoe. And we said, how are you going to do that . He goes, think about it, its the perfect thing. Who steal as canoe . And i go, nobody. He goes, im going to take it. Nobody is going to stop me. Nobody is going to steal a canoe. Okay, he goes over. I swear, he picks the canoe up very casually, puts it on his head and walks out of the store. [ light laughter ] were behind him and he does the pot smoking laugh and you see the canoe going [ laughter ] and hes my hero now. The Security Guard, whos got like a beer gut and should be working at white castle, catch a few fish for me, buddy. [ laughter ] and he walks out. Were ten feet behind him. He keeps going [ laughter ] all right, the next day my buddy calls me up. He goes, you hear about Frankie Delvecchio . I go, no. He got arrested. I said, they found out about the canoe, howd that happen . He goes, no, no, he got arrested the next day trying to steal the oars. [ laughter ] the Security Guard said when he saw the oars, did you steal the canoe . And he goes he got six months in juvie hall for this. He goes, good one columbo. [ laughter ] seth always such a pleasure to see you. Im glad you got away. I went from delvecchio to trump seth there you go, delvecchio to trump. Artie lange, everybody, crash, premiers february 19th on hbo. Well be right back with viet thanh nguyen. [ cheers and applause ] is your deodorant leaving white marks or yellow stains on your clothes . Use new degree ultraclear black white. No white marks on black clothes. And no yellow stains on white. So your white clothes stay white. And your black clothes stay black. 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[ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is an author whos debut novel the sympathizer won the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for fiction. His new collection of short stories, the refugees is in stores now. Viet than nguyen everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. Seth im such a fan of your work. I love them Pulitzer Prize, and i have to ask this, this is a book obviously that will become more popular after Pulitzer Prize. Do you ever see people reading it . Do you ever are you ever in public and you see someone holding your book and whats like . Im in l. A. I dont think people read books in l. A. Seth oh yeah thats part of the problem. People tell me that they see them in the new york subway. Seth yeah. Thats a thrill. Seth the new york subway its true. That is a there is less and less. Its a little sad because of course with kindles you can tell less what people are reading. But, i guess if youre reading a Pulitzer Prize winning novel you want to have it in your lap, let everybody know how cool you are. Show off right . Seth yeah. But the other thing that happened is like the refugees is in costco now. Im totally stunned by that. People have been sending me pictures. I know ive made it, when i made it to costco. Seth yeah. Yeah. [ light laughter ] seth i costco. I bought 100 refugees. 100 copies. [ light laughter ] that could be a literal statement as a matter of fact. Refugees hanging around outside ive bought a few. Seth so this you obviously not obviously, but for people that dont know, your refugee. Tell us a little bit about your story and coming from south vietnam. Yeah, well, i was 4 years old states, settle in harrisburg, pennsylvania. At fort indiantown gap, cause refugees had to go through these resettlement centers. And at 4 years old, i didnt know what was going on. This is when my memory really begins. And my first memory is being taken away from my parents because in order to leave a refugee camp, you have to have a sponsor so this very nice white family took me in. But at 4yearsold, all i knew is, that i was being taken away from my parents and i remember crying and hauling because of that and ive never forgotten that experience. Seth and then you have an older brother and your parents and you guys then were reunited. Yeah. Seth and you move out to california and, is it true that you lied to your parents about what it was that you wanted to be when you grew up . I was an english major when i went to college, and you know how it is, trying to convince people that you can make a living as an english major is really, really hard, much less telling it to your immigrant parents. Seth yeah, so it is harder to tell your immigrant parents. I believe it is harder to tell when your parents are working 12 to 14 hours a day, you think, study the romantic poets in college. [ light laughter ] and so i said, okay, im going to study the romantic poets but im going to be a lawyer. And that sort of held them off for four years until i graduated and i thought, well you know what, im gonna do a phd in english, which didnt make them that much happier [ laughter ] seth did you like mumble english . Im going to get a phd, in english. They heard doctorate, so i think i confused them for a little bit. Seth thats good. And now tell me this, does the pulitzer make up for it . Do they at least understand and have an appreciation for that . All i had to do was to make my dad happy, was to win the pulitzer. [ laughter ] so it was very low bar. Seth see its not hard. Yeah its a really good career trajectory. Seth its not hard for immigrant kids to please their parents. But you know what . A lot of minorities, asian americans, that what were supposed to do. Were supposed to win the Pulitzer Prize. [ light laughter ] seth exactly. Im sure they went around the neighborhood and bragged it up. You know what happened was that when i won the Pulitzer Prize, i was traveling on the road and i didnt even call my parents. Because i think in the back of my mind, i went back to my childhood. Youre not supposed to go home and tell them you get as. You only go home and tell them you get bs. So they can, you know, get upset at you. Pulitzer prize, big deal. [ laughter ] seth you write a lot obviously, this is a book about refugees. You wrote a piece in the New York Times talking about the difference between immigrants and refugees and how it certainly now they can get mixedup a little bit. Help us out. Give us your definition of why the refugee story is a harder story. Well, in the united states, we believe in immigration. Even though we go back and forth. Sometimes we open our doors, sometimes we close our doors, right now were closing our doors on immigration. But immigrants are part of the American Dream and the american mythology. So, its easy to make sense out of people like me by saying im an immigrant so i have to say constantly no, im a refugee. And the reason why i have to say that is because i think Many Americans think its unamerican to be a refugee. Because the American Dream doesnt allow for Something Like that to happen. So people like us, who are refugees, have to constantly remind people of who we are so that we can humanize who these refugees happen to be. They are unwanted where they come from, theyre unwanted when tradition of welcoming refugees, and turning them into Pulitzer Prize winners. Seth there you go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i i think memories and its hard for people to remember how things were but you know, i think vietnamese americans were obviously now celebrated as this incredibly important important part of the american fabric. But you obviously remember a time in 1975 where there were the same kind of fears about vietnamese refugees as were having today about refugees from other parts of the world such as syria. Yeah, you know, in 1975 the majority of americans did not want to welcome vietnamese refugees. And when my parents opened a Grocery Store in san jose about 1978, i remember going there and not too far away in another store window, somebody put up a sign that said another american driven out of business by the vietnamese. So, i think thats the fears we have about refugees and immigrants taking our jobs and so on. These are deep seated fears in the american psyche. And yet we have time and again proven, immigrants and refugees have proven that when given the chance, we contribute to this country but the fears keep coming back. Seth that piece was written before the election if im correct and now afterwards, we have we do have a travel ban. It was struck down today. But, this is what he promised. This is what the president promised. How are you feeling about it now now that its real . Um, i feel that this is really also part of america, as well. We welcome people in but we also have a long history of keeping people out with like the chinese exclusion act and so on. So i think it is disheartening, it is discouraging that we have this resurging xenophobia. But we should look back on our history and realize that time have been tough before. We fought back, weve had a progressive movement. Weve made the case that immigrants and refugees should be welcome here and should belong here. We have to make that case again. [ cheers and applause ] seth well, thank you so much for saying that. And thank you so much for your writing making the time being here. Thanks for having me. Seth im a real fan. Thank you so much. Viet thanh nguyen everybody. The refugees va [ cheers and applause ] do you always put cheezit grooves in your sandwich . Of course theyre chips. Chips. 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The last thing you want is to end up paying for data you dont use. Now verizon introduces the one plan thats right for you. Switch, and for just 55 get 5 gigs on americas best network. Ight amount of data at a great price. Plus, get our best moto droids for 15 a month or less. Finally, all the data you need, on the network you want. Verizon. You just gonna stand theryeah. King . Intrigued. How does it feel to bag seattles most eligible bachelor . Dont worry. Theyre for your ears. Ha ha. Rated r. Announcer next week on late night with seth meyers. John oliver Shailene Woodley tracy morgan and adam scott. Head over to itunes and subscribe to the late night with seth meyers podcast and youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone everyday. Z29kuz zstz y29kuy ysty y25eiy y16fy [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to Drew Barrymore, artie lange, viet thanh nguyen, everybody and of course the 8g band and fred armisen. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ applause ] carson hey, welcome to last call im carson daly. We are stationed at skylark in new york city for tonights show. We got a good one. Coming up, filmmaker raoul peck