Please be patient. Your happy ending will come. [elevator dings] rapido, rapido [singing in spanish] [laughs] oh, thats fun. I feel like im at epcot. What is that song . Its the follow up to luis fonsis despacito. Its even filthier. White people have no idea. They play it at kids birthday parties. [singing in spanish] oh, justin, thats beautiful [chuckles] rapido. Whered all this energy come from . Ah, i see. Is that an irish coffee, or as we call it in my family, breakfast . [laughs] weve all got the disease. Oh, ii just been going to this new coffee place. Oh, is it any good . Uh, no, its not. Very expensive, long lines. Chuck pierce doesnt wait in lines i scream and act demented. They let me go right to the front. Just dont go there, okay . Oh, justin, i downloaded the song. [rapido playing over phone] [humming along] [singing along in spanish] im gonna sing it at our Church Talent show. [upbeat news broadcast music] sorry im late. Im in the middle of a Public Relations nightmare. Been there. Carmen electra and i were arrested for having Public Relations in yosemite. No. I was in vegas this weekend, and someone took a picture of me sitting on criss angels lap. Now theres all these rumors that im cheating. [sighs] its not my fault. He was a chair right before i sat down. Sounds like we both need to let off some steam. What do you say we go out tomorrow night . We could, like, grind up on some randos, maybe have a onenight. Stewa onenight stew . Interesting. So youd cook stew overnight . And then youd have a hot, fresh pot of stew for breakfast thats genius. Yep. Please, portia. I just want to have a fling. I mean, im an adult. I can do whatever i want, but please just say yes right now while my mommy isnt listening. I dont know. Im pretty burnt out on clubs right now. Oh, come on, portia. Itll be like those two girls night out movies that came out at the same time, only ours will be as good as the black one. Fine. Yeah [grunts] [coughs] [upbeat music] well, well, well, said baby jessica while having a nightmare. If youre interested in television production, one of my sims is a famous actor. Ill have what hes having, uh, hayley. Like haley joel osment. And you have his same beautiful smile. Hey, chuck. What are you doing . Wow, youre chuck pierce. Um, do you think i could get a picture of you, for the wall . Of course i actually have one on me. Ever ridden in a news truck, hayley . You can pull right up to highway accidents. Maybe see a dead body. [mischievous music] hm. Swipe right, swipe right. Mm. Eh, i could hit that. Oh, my god, whats wrong . Its grammy. Oh, no. Oh, mom, im so sorry, but grammy lived a good life. Oh, shes not dead, sweetheart. Shes divorcing poppop. Wait, what . Im a child of divorce. Now im gonna have to celebrate two christmasssses okay, well, thats kind of fun, right . No. [sobbing] no no. [sobs] theseare heading back home. Y oil thanks to dawn, rescue workers only trust dawn, because its tough on grease yet gentle. I am home, i am home, i am home therbottle of tropicana pure oranges squepremium. O each and absolutely no space for added sugar, water, or preservatives. Tropicana. We put the good in morning. christmas marching band music drumsticks click did you go out last night [light musiwithout me . No, i was up all night listening to my mom crying about her parents divorce. Shes worried that her dad is gonna get weekends and then her friends arent gonna want to do sleepovers there. Ugh. Shes inconsolable. [brightly] hello ah, mom what are you doing . And grammy, why are you here . I dont know. Oh, yes, you do. We talked about it, remember . This is your new beginning. So youre not sad anymore . I thought about it, and i realized that this divorce is a good thing. The marriage has been over for a long time, and, you know, they were staying together for the kids, and now that im in college, grammy is free to start her next chapter. What next chapter . Hey, greg my mother would like to apply for an internship oh, no thank you come on. Give her an interview, as a personal favor to my fist. All right. All right. So, um. Whats your prior Work Experience . You know the women who worked in factories during world war ii . Yep. I pickpocketed them. Mom, this is crazy. No, its not. If i could get a Second Chance at life, and start working here at 60, theres no reason grammy cant at 90 are you sure youre not sad, and this is maybe your way of ignoring your feelings . Yes, i agree. We do need to get grammy a new businesscasual wardrobe, toot sweet nope, thats not mom [playful music] hey, whats wrong with you, man . Nothing. Why, did you find a strange pump . Its to make my. Fingers longer. No. Hayley. I was gonna ask her out. Why would you do that . Being with a younger woman makes a man feel good about himself. Man, youre a real piece of work. I do so much for you, and this is the thanks i get . Look, if it makes you feel any better, i dont care. Wow. You just made a very powerful enemy, chuck. Who . Jigsaw . Not again. Hey, this has been so fun and normal, but maybe its time you take grammy home now. No, no, we cant go home yet. Were trying to find her a man. What . No why . Why not . This is her Second Chance at life and at love. Look, i love poppop, but he wasnt grammys mr. Right. He was just her mr. Right now. For 70 years . Hes a slob all he does is watch dog shows and criticize the dogs. Theyre the best dogs in the world. You try it, i said. Mmhm. Thats why im setting up her tinder profile. Okay, mom, what are you looking for in a man . A big raccoon coat, a straw hat, and holding a little pennant that says college. Okay, mom . Mom . I have given up trying to find someone at age 30. What makes you think that grammys going to find her dream man at 90 . You are so negative, like that mean psychic who said i was going to shrink down to the height i am now. Great, looks like youve got everything here out of control. Im going out with portia tonight. Best of luck doing whatever youre doing. Well, that sounds good. Okay, have fun, katie. Hey, tonight, were going out. Honestly, katie, im really not in the mood. Oh, come on i just got a bikini wax. Well, i accidentally sat on a candle, but you cant argue with the results. Fine. We apologize for the premature reporting earlier, but we now have confirmation. The honey nut cheerios bee is dead at 51. Chuck . Thanks, portia. Poor people everybody talks about them, but this reporter decided to talk to them. Thats this weeks installment of chuck cares. [gentle music] when most of us think of rural america, we think of a bear playing a banjo, but there are also People Living here. Good, decent people, the backbone of our country. Oh, for gods sake i told them not to use this take. Look, i have spinach in my teeth im outside the home of grover simons, who, like many residents of this kentucky town, found himself unemployed when the steel mills closed. Wait, this is the house . Im supposed to go in there . Why are they showing this . Yeah, we lost all our possessions. Oh, my god, that is so sad. Im sorry, i was just watching marley and me on my phone. You have a big tv we could watch it on . Who cut this together . [laughs] now this shot just goes under my voiceover, so it really doesnt matter what we say here. Anyway, im not saying im attracted to dolphins, but if i had to screw an animal to save my life, i think the choice would be easy. It would be a dolphin, cause theyre smooth, and they may be able to talk back. Greg, this man just made me look liil buffone. You did that to yourself, pal. Now back off hayley, or the next chuck cares will be that katrina benefit you did as an old, black jazz man. You keep scat bones treme out of this. Greg, i cant work with him anymore. Yeah, its either him or me. Oh, pumpkin. Rapido, rapido hey, guys, whos up for some nostringsattached fun tonight . Excuse me, miss. Were a group of husbands who like to hang out and dance together. Vamonos, vamonos [singing in spanish] hey, its been fun and all, but im pretty tired. I think im gonna call it a night. Wait, no, no, no we were just about to get crazy. All we need is another round of drinks and. My mom . Why would we need your mom . Oh, does she have old people meds . Here come the cougars whawhat are you doing . Tinder was taking too long, so we decided to come to the club like you to find grammy a man. Okay, obviously im in hell. I knew i died that time i tried barrys bootcamp. Why is it so loud in here . Excuse me, could you turn down the music, please, so i can talk to my daughter and her friend . And may i have a soup menu, please . I met bruce i saw on his lapel ches got a purple heart. E bruce we started talking about the service. I outrank him. chris [laughs] yeah. Meals on wheels reaches so many people. Its impactful beyond anything ive ever done in my life. bruce the meals and his friendship really mean, means a lot to me. vo through the subaru share the love event, weve helped deliver over onepoint seven million meals to those in need. Get zero percent financing for 63 months on select models, plus well donate two hundred and fifty dollars to charity. This season, get 4 lines of unlimited data for 100 per month on the cricket unlimited 2 plan. Plus,switch now and get up to four free lg fortune phones. All on a network that covers over 99 of americans. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about. Im wrapping your present the moment you realize you arent the most original gift giver. At lowes, we can help you pick out the perfect gift your family is sure to love. Get a dewalt 2tool 20volt max combo kit for only 179 at lowes. Cand they broughtmom and freaking angie. Up, wango tango, baby so, this is your daughter. Youre right, she does look like a young liz taylor. No, im the daughter, and this is my mother, who i said looks like a presentday liz taylor, and that is a 30yearold child. Get out of here, you sicko. Mom, you gotta get out of here, okay . Grammys too old for this. Oh, dont be a hater, katie. Oh, look, shes dancing [coughing] mom, shes 90. That is too old to be dancing or meeting a man or getting a Second Chance at life. But shes just listening to her heart. No, shes not. You know what her heart is probably saying . Whee almost done mom, youre putting this woman through hell because you are in denial about the fact that one of these days, grammy is gonna die. [all gasp, music ceases] come along, grammy. Its time to go. Katherine. Portia. Dj piss party, thank you for lowering the music. [club music resumes] [upbeat music] i am so sorry about last night, portia. My mom is out of control. Its okay. It wasnt carols fault. Youre right. Angies the real problem. After you left last night, she tried pcp and stabbed a guy. No, i mean, last night would have sucked, no matter what. I kinda hate going out these days. What are you talking about . You won most schwasted party peep at the kids choice awards. Im just sick of people snapchatting my every move and trying to twist it into a scandal. Its like i cant be myself because i always have to be portia. Oh, wow. I never thought about it that way. Every day for you is like the time my boob fell out in the today show window. Pitbull was on, and you gots to jump to pitbull. Look, i love my life, but sometimes, i just want to dance like no ones watching, you know, let my body do whatever it wants, but i cant, because someone is always watching. My public persona is a panopticon, katie. A panopticon. Ugh, and i made you go out anyway. Why didnt you tell me . I did. Youve been so focused on your own thing, its like you dont even hear me. Its not my fault. He was a chair right before i sat down. God, this is all because i live in a panopticon. Sounds like we both need to let off some steam. Hey, tonight, were going out. Honestly, katie, i live in a panopticon. Come on i am so sorry about last night. I said i live in a panopticon please, why wont you listen . [gasps] oh, god ive been trying so hard to distract myself from my crappy love life that i havent been listening to you, or my mom, or grammy, or greatgrammy. Shes dead, but shes been appearing in my dreams, saying someone named jonathan needs my help. [sighs] katie, i think you know what you need to do. Get out of my dressing room and dont follow up with me about how this turns out. Hopefully, doug will work out better than justin, or justins predecessor, whos now living very comfortably thanks to the networks outofcourt settlement. Cant be that comfortable. I hit him pretty hard with my car. Allegedly. You know, i havent spent much time in here, because i trusted justin till he stabbed me in the back. Well, i put together a cut of your interview with putin. [speaking russian] mr. Putin, do you know Yakov Smirnoff . Okay, stop right there. Thats a good start, but youll do a pore pass, right, where you eliminate all my pores, make me look like a beautiful korean boy . Uh, no, not gonna do that. What . But thats a basic thing editors do, like adjusting the newsmans voice to make him sound more manly, or bringing him homemade empanadas for him to snack on, or letting the newsman lie on your couch to tell stories of his early traumas. None of that is part of the job. If this justin guy was doing that for you, that means hes a bad editor. Or. A good friend. Which is why you need someone, uh, with Life Experience like me to be the next bachelorette. Okay, its still coming across a little dowdy, now remember, were looking for wise, but still a whore. Okay . Knock, knock. Oh, look whos here. Hello, moving blur. Could i offer you a snack . Hey, mom, i really wanna apologize to you for accusing you of being in denial of your feelings when i was doing the exact same thing. I was just down on love, and i took it out on you and grammy, but maybe, things arent so hopeless. Oh, hey, dad oh. Katie, this isnt a good idea. I told you that grammys sick of poppop. Yeah, the old poppop. Look, grammy, he dressed up for you. Tell her what you told me. Ill stop complaining about dog shows. There, i said it. Can i have my hat from the war back . Its too late, ralph i dont want to waste time on you when i can find who im meant to be with good, because i dont want you back, either help me out here. Can you just tell her to give him another chance . Why . Why should she settle on the first guy that comes along . Mom, you know what . This is all your fault. You got her hopes up, and you filled her head with insane ideas like you always do. Katie, youll definitely get into harvard. Dont apply anywhere else, or youll jinx it. Katie, true love exists. You just have to find it and be constantly bummed out along the way. Just because youve given up on having a happy ending doesnt mean that grandma should have to. Right, grammy . Wait, wheres grammy . [door shuts] oh, my god. Shes doing it shes driving at 90. See, katie . She is. Maybe youre right. Its not too late. Anything is possible no, its not. No, its not. Oh. Oh. This is bad. Mom, are you okay . Wow, how are you running so fast . 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My mailbox om now how will i receive my overreaction medication . Its okay. Youve had a really confusing week, grammy. My mother never should have pressured you into driving or finding a man or trying standup. Did you ever notice all of your friends are dead . Whats that about . Youre right. I was in denial, okay . I was sad that grammys choices were to be alone or to be miserable for the last few years of her life. I dont like hopeless situations. Thats why i watch titanic in reverse. The guy shot out of the ocean, and he fixed the boat, and he erased the dirty drawing, and he danced a jig. Mom, i get it. I get it. When you realize stuff isnt gonna work out, its a bummer. Jeremy and i barely dated, and it was the most serious relationship ive had in years. But i mean, thats life. You know . Not everybody gets their happy ending. Roberta . No, it cant be. Walter . I thought you died in the war what are you doing here . My daughter lives here. Didnt you get my letters . No. I told you id come back for you. I guess youd say i took the long way home. [warm orchestral music] what the dick is happening . [upbeat jazz music] so grammy found the love of her life. I cant believe this worked out. Seriously, what are the chances . Pretty slim, but if you give up, theres no chance at all. You know, honey, sometimes, you have to just keep driving until you hit the right mailbox. [phone chimes] no. You know what . No. Im gonna wait for my happy ending. [loudly] no cell phones they mess with the pacemakers. [normally] oh, im sorry. Im not shouting at you. Im used to talking to deaf people. [loudly] mrs. Connelly, you look beautiful today good luck at bingo [bright music] i hate that guy. Ah the perfect camouflage. Oh, great. Did you just lure me here to humiliate me again . Is this text even from hayley . No thats my butt. I brought you here, justin, to apologize. Well, im not gonna do it okay, fine. Im really sorry. Not you, justinme i take you for granted. From day one, you never showed my nose hair. You always cut around it when i mispronounce an ethnic name. And you made me seem sober in my drunken interview with peeneloupe cruz. Penelope cruz. I should never have stolen hayley from you. I dont need a young woman to make me feel good. You do that for me. You are my hayley. Really . Thank you. And thats why im stepping aside. I think you should ask her out. So i purchased you two tickets to paris. Wow. Jacksons talk show taping. Oh. Go get her yeah, im gonna do it wish me luck. [whimsical music] huh. Okay, its possible she didnt like either of us and was just being polite because she works in the service industry. You keep dragging me places i dont want to go the club, here, chilis on the way here. All right, all right, all right, but i think youre gonna like this. Tada hey, i dont know if i have the power to do this, but youre fired. No, no, think about it. Cell phones arent allowed here. You wanted to dance like nobodys watching. Well, no one is, cause they dont know who you are and they all have cataracts hit it, mom [rapido plays] you finally listened. Oh, my god, thank you so much, katie. And im gonna talk to greg about getting you rehired. Thank you. [singing in spanish] oh, my god, she was right. Nobody should be watching that. [loudly] this is a nice moment ha there wasnt a check in the package for you. Maybe she took it. She would never do that. She is either messing with me or shes incompetent. Im gonna really hate to think that you would mess with any of my friends here just to make yourself look better. So what happens if i dont pay rent this month . You can stay as long as you want. Youre a good friend. Dad, whats going on . Ive been imposing on you for way too long. Ive got three great joleads. Im on the move to the next chapter of life of ramon dawsona. Mm. Well, the jobs going great, you know. Theyre not the most friendly bunch, but, uh, theyre warming up to your pops, huh. Thats good. Theyre a little outdated in terms of the way that they use their workforce. Long story short, im requesting a meeting with jake, okay