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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130315

Jon thats our show. Here it is your moment zen. A new Jersey Assembly man is in the hot seat for facebook pages. He virtually high captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers an captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause [crowd chanting stephen] stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Good to have you with us. Please, nation, sit down. As an american i dont like to talk about other countries that are not us. With their crazy names notamericastan. [laughter] but tonight, every single story i will be reporting on comes from another country. Im not happy about it either. Blame the u. N. [laughter] first up, a story that is rocking theworld of meat. The united kingdoms Meat Industry is in disarray after horse meat was discovered in products intended for humans. Food giant nestle suspending some of its deliveries after traces of horse dna were found in the meat. Stores in

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20130315

Oprah should be the pope poprah [ laughter and applause ] oprah is love. Dont be a dick that was jesus whole message. Dont be a dick. Thats what it all comes down to. I was in texas last year, driving around on a saturday afternoon, and there was a protest in front of a honda dealership. 30 or 40 people angrily marching with placards and signs. And their sign said things like, gay is not okay, and, the word of god condemns homosexual acts. And it was a curious sight, and i stopped. And there was a guy, he looked like moses. I figured he was in charge. I said, hey, man. Whats happening . I swear to god, the guy goes, well, it seems some people who claim to be christians have hired some homosexuals to sell hondas. And the lord dont want homosexuals selling hondas. Does it say that in the bible . i admit, i skipped around a lot. It could be in there. I thought the whole point of the book was love your neighbor. Doesnt say, go to his work and bother him. If those people truly would have be

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130315

April something. Look it up. Jon your bands next performance is. Well well be out here y jon thats our show. Here it is your moment zen. A new Jersey Assembly man is in the hot seat for facebook pages. He virtually high captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers an captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause [crowd chanting stephen] stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Good to have you with us. Please, nation, sit down. As an american i dont like to talk about other countries that are not us. With their crazy names notamericastan. [laughter] but tonight, every single story i will be reporting on comes from another country. Im not happy about it either. Blame the u. N. [laughter] first up, a story that is rocking theworld of meat. The united kingdoms Meat Industry is in disarray after horse meat was discovered in products intended for humans. Food giant nestle suspe

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Happening Now 20130129

Bill you know i thought our playbyplay today on the tightrope walker. Martha do you think we have a future covering circuses . Bill i think we have a chance. Martha how is your trapeze knowledge. Bill im working on it. Martha we are on the flying trapeze every morning. Have a good day. See you tomorrow. Jon dangerous storms brewing across the country. Large hail, high winds and powerful tornados all very real possibilities. Highly unusual at this time of year but the springlike temperatures coupled with high humidity are making conditions ripe for severe storms. Our meteorologist maria molina is live in the fox extreme Weather Center. Maria. Hi, jon, good to see you. Thats right were talking about tornados being a concern today any up from texas to indiana. A large section of the country looking at possibility of Severe Weather. Not just tornados but wind gusts up to 60 miles an hour. And large hail that could cause damage to any cars outside. Look at the Severe Weather outbreak were e

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