ba pla dr . You can meet me round the corner . . In a half an hour . N half aur fothe pastwo wee. Oudoealle moie. Do npbbt, banana. Are you readfo yet . Oh, doll mnt te floridas gonna be the french maid. Oui, oui, pense. R, i wish you were rehere in. Im up to mud in my underpants. T, hold it now, ln, mau. Oh, no, you misunderstand me, arthur. I love it. Oh. I really truly love it. Bu tell ya, i ink it i reweuld ha some kind of produion number you . Know, like something going on behutoivitilitary feel now, listen, maudie, if i cant do siegfried line, o nd oi want. badum that does it hold thear. Arthur, what are you doing . I am going to the principal of this school, and im just gonna ask him how he feels abt ha rdcore pornograp. Ar. Oh, carol, what are we going to do now . Oh, mother,dont worry about it, well do the sketch. Why dont you run over your number . Id raruover ar. Sing. Oh, i nt fe like it. jazz music plays u sing to me. Oh, all right. End ithe audience. sic continues . In ol
Oh, maude dont be depressed. You look beautiful i do, dont i . Now, i suppose, actually, i should be thrilled. I mean, here i am, 46, i dont look a day over 41. Sweetheart, youre 48. Then i dont look a day over 43. china smashing what is that . That that must be carol and chris fooling around. Yes, walter thats me and chris foolin around see . Well, i wish theyd fool around with each other and keep their hands off my crystal. Oh, honey. Listen. Since it is my birthday, walter, will you promise me something . Of course, sweetheart. What . Honey, tonight, for a change, will you talk to me . Will you stay with me . Oh, mau now, walter. Every time we go to a party, the men end up on one side of the room and the women on the other. Honey, tonight, talk to me. Stay with me, walter. Okay, maude. I wont move from your side all night. Anything your little heart desires. Walter, dear, id like to point out to you that is not my heart. whispers hide. Hide everyone. everybody whispering maude i war
Because you always put things where i cant find them always, maude you always put things where i cant find them youre right, walter. And im sorry, sweetheart. Actually, if you want your suspenders, youll find them hanging off the roof. I find them very handy for washing the basement and second story windows at the same time. Maude. Im sorry, honey. Ill help you find them. You know, were gonna be late. Im gonna miss all the guest celebrities come on body whos anybody is gonna be there tonight. Durward kirby, pupi campo, carmelita pope, arlene francis, the entire panel from whats my line . Oh, you dont care if i miss all the fun. Pupi campo . Tsk. Well, go on i cant get moving, francie. What are you waiting on . sobs hinkley, would you cool it . It aint gonna be easy to outtalk maude findlay. Shes the worlds champ. Shes got a bigger mouth than muhammad ali. Okay, but just make sure you lay it on real good about your father beating ya up. Why cant i just tell her the truth . cause why gam
sucks sucks walter, are you gonna smoke that pipe or play it . sucking its clogged. sucking where. sucking sucking where are my. sucking where are my. Out with it, walter where are your sucking what . My pipe cleaners. How should i know where your pipe cleaners are. Maude, i need something long and fuzzy to clean my pipe. Maybe youll like me to starch your caterpillar. All right, maude, i wont smoke my pipe. loud clinking walter, will you stop . youre driving me up the wall its only been a week since i took up pipe smoking. Youll get used to it. Never, walter. Never. Carpet. Furthermore, your mustache is beginning to turn yellow. Its like kissing a molting canary. For crying out loud a man cant even enjoy a pipe i mean, whats wrong with that . Ive given up cigarettes and ive quit drinking. What other pleasures are there . Which reminds me, walter, you seem to have given that up, too. Ill tell you what im talking about, walter findlay. Your husbandly duties. I cant help it if im tired,
Ency said that this woman is a gem, a treasure. Carol, i can hardly wait for her to get here. Mmhmm. Is she black . No. The agency was fresh out. No, but this woman is not only a fantastic housekeeper, shes supposed to be a fab doorbell rings thats mrs. Naugatuck mrs. Who . Close your mouth, walter, and try to look intelligent. Coming findlay residence . Yes. This is from mrs. Naugatuck. Carol, honey, would you do me a favor and take that up to the guest room . Guest room . Sign here. Maude, were not getting sleepin help, are we . Sweetie, dont worry. You wont even know shes in the house. Sign right there. Maude, why didnt you ask me before you hired sleepin help . Walter, i tried to bring up the subject the other night after dinner, and you said, thats your department, maude. Do whatever you want, maude. And then you burped and fell asleep. You know i cant stand a stranger sleeping in the house, maude. If you dont sign soon, youll have two strangers sleeping in the house, maude. You l