Page 11 - Billy Eichner News Today

[ laughter ] which i think is a nice personal touch. Thats whos responsible. [ laughter ] fred trump. And this is funny. They hand out tickets for this event. They hand out actual hard tickets. These are the tickets they handed out. You see right there youre invited to the address to the congress on the state of the uniom. [ laughter ] so were already off to a good start. [ laughter ] if im not mistaken, the uniom was the side that won the civil warm. Isnt that right . [ laughter ] is there noth...

Day today. I hope you had a good weekend. I had a good weekend. It was quiet here in l. A. This weekend because for the first time in 15 years the Grammy Awards were in new york. They left us and went to new york. And i dont know if location had anything to do with it, but the ratings for the grammys were way down. They were down by 24 . Which is a shame. Ill tell you why. Because the energy forget the Grammy Awards themselves. The energy the performers were radiating before the show on the red ...

Well, unfortunately, last night, Bill Belichick missed his yearly bath. [ laughter ] according to coach doug pederson, last nights trick touchdown pass to eagles quarterback nick foles was nicknamed the philly special. It replaces the old philly special, barfing a cheese steak into a trash can while people whip batteries at you. [ laughter ] dozens of eagles fans were seen stage diving off the awning of the philadelphia ritzcarlton after last nights super bowl win. But dont worry, they died. [ l...

Want to thank everybody for watching. Than and circumstance. Welcome to our special post state of the union. Could definitely describe Donald Trumps junk perfectly if she ever had to and at long last, she has to. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so i was thinking about this today. Remember it was a big scandal if the president snuck aarette while his wife was busy dgiin t a lot of emails about tonights guests, turns out i know a lot of perverts. Not everyone is enthusiastic. In fact a conser...

Want to thank everybody for watching. Thank you for joining us on this night of pomp and circumstance. Welcome to our special post state of the union. Stormy daniels is here. As you know shes an adult film performer who did an interview with in touch magazine in 2011 and said among other things could definitely describe Donald Trumps junk perfectly if she ever had to and at long last, she has to. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so i was thinking about this today. Remember it was a big scand...

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that is a hot crowd that is a hot, hot crowd right there. [ cheers and applause ] welcome oh, i love you. I love you welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] youre here you made it thank you for being here. Well, heres what heres what people are talking about. I read that a democratic congressman is introd...

I know whats happening. We got a lot of horny women for jamie dornan here tonight [ cheers and applause ] i was like i dont usually get this, i dont know whats going on. [ laughter ] well its a strange and mystical day in the universe. Last night into early this morning had a blue moon, blood moon, super moon and full lunar eclipse, the moon pulled out all of the stops to get us to look up from our phones. This is something ive been excited about for a few days, i wrote it down super blood blue ...

I know whats happening. We got a lot of horny women for jamie dornan here tonight [ cheers and applause ] i was like i dont usually get this, i dont know whats going on. [ laughter ] well its a strange and mystical day in the universe. Last night into early this morning had a blue moon, blood moon, super moon and full lunar eclipse, the moon pulled out all of the stops to get us to look up from our phones. This is something ive been excited about for a few days, i wrote it down super blood blue ...

40,000 jobs and 4. 6 billion in revenue since the inauguration. I dont know why people wouldnt want to come here, were so welcoming to foreigners. We dont really need a wall. Trump is his own wall, in a way. [ cheers and applause ] and not only is tourism down, the price of rooms at trump hotels are also down, significantly over last year, because a lot of people dont want to stay in a place with his name on it. But they have a new marketing push thats aggressive, which i guess is what they need...

The children of the corn that youre posing with. [ laughter ] and what was the interview process like . And how many times have you seen the Dave Matthews band live . [ laughter ] put that photo back up. Look at how short mike pence is. Was he always that short . I think maybe he shrank from all the bending down to kiss the president s ass over the last year. [ laughter and applause ] in case you were worried the white house isnt white enough, dont worry, it is. The New York Times had a bombshel...