Buried Greg News Today

charlie kirk, the founder of tp usa is here. he has no idea where he is because hes hammered on relief factor. sebastian gorka is the dealer. tom -- [scattered applause] i guess someone got sick and we needed a filling. what a coup to land him as a guest. i kid, he works next door as a greeter at applebees. and of course kat. you know kat. currently shes living on a steady diet of bait smoke and/or olives. so about my weekend, it was great. i watched a movie called "ambulance." no? tha...

Thats a big no no. somebody brings in the bottle and you look at them. >> greg: the other no-no number two in the past bathroom. dont do that. dont do that. do it out in the bushes like everybody else does. charlie, thats -- just doesnt admit it. >> by the way, this idea of theft implies private property which is obviously colonialist. [laughter] >> greg: you know what? bringing your own lunch is racist, thats exactly right. it reaffirms the patriarch in the worst aspects of western society. >> ...

Prodigies. could this discourage other kids from playing? >> listen, the only people worse chess than kids are women. have you seen the queens gambit? the most unrealistic tv show since madam secretary. >> your own version of sexism side, could this be a sign of more robot violence on humans to come? >> listen, despite this incident, you dont have anything to worry about when it comes to your children. >> thats very comforting. >> because we will exterminate them first. now, if you will excuse m...

I mean, weve done so many segment of our and you continue to do segment about it because you want to be nice to the robots because you -- because you are convinced they are going to take over and that they watch this show. [laughter] >> greg: they do. >> they watch the show and they are going to see you being nice to them. >> greg: exec with. >> when everyone else gets exterminated, theyre going to bring you in and of kind of hero and take care for you, yes? >> greg: you know who im like and i c...

Created. >> exactly. but i like the snacks your. air. >> greg: were not snacks. do you know that one bad i shared a floor with youtube, myspace, not youtube, they should have bought you to. staff but not on the food and the only people they were directing it at was the right eye people. i dont want to eat your stupid food, loser. >> i think the actual worst part of the study as they show that more than half of the people surveyed would marry their favorite food if it were a person. like, who are...

Once hated, so we figured why not resurrect other awful things from the past that we long gotten rid of. for example. how about only men being allowed to vote. [boos] frankly everything went downhill when they changed that. a sexist might say! how dare you applaud or laugh at that! what about leeches to treat diseases? im wearing a leech right now. thats why you never have to go to the bathroom. it does pinch. also, why not throw suspected witches in the water to see if they float? its really a ...

Doing? >> you know, im okay, but i do have to leave new york. you hear my voice. give it a few years, kayleigh, youre going to sound just like me. im 32 years old, i am rapidly aging in that city. its destroying me, it destroys all of us. i need to move. maybe here. [applause] >> i will say, if i could, i came up from florida for the first time -- >> thats why you still sound healthy. >> within an hour a rat scurried across my feet, there was a domestic violence dispute on my hallway and there w...

Soared during the pandemic. sequence completed. [scattered applause and laughter] >> greg: she actually left with the robot, which is kind of amazing. you know, tyrus, i have a theory. we need to make the robots cute so we dont beat it up when it doesnt work. you cant beat up a cute robot. >> you think i carry about a fuzzy robot spying on me and my man cave? this is a horrible idea. this is another reason, parents, youve got to parent, youve got to watch them. theyre going to manipulate the com...

>> greg: pretty good, pretty good, pretty good. stop it! heres nyc. [bleep] [bleep]. >> oh, oh! oh, my [bleep]. [bleep]! [indiscernible]. [bleep]. >> im still waiting for my pizza. >> youre not getting it. >> greg: still waiting for his pizza. i cant blame them for being mad. if they thought they had tickets to see a comedy show. turns out it was forgiven jimmy kimmel. if you watch closely, he will start crying. so what about entertainment? well, heres nashville. you can walk into any bar and

Incredible week with too many highlights to count. but lets try it anyway. tonights episode is some of my favorite segments from that week. enjoy, enjoyers of fun things! ♪ ♪ [scattered cheers] >> greg: hello, nashville! we are in nashville, we are here all week, and boy is it great to see you! [scattered applause] after spending so many years in new york city, coming here is like taking a warm bath after living in joy behars armpit. believe me, if i could move here, id already be here! whic...