Closed Caption Guy News Today

Captioning right now in a bar. watch this. i am the closed caption guy. i hate that guy in the zipper sweater. i am going to stop closed captioning and just talk about how much i hate that guy in the zipper sweater. i am getting the guy in trouble right now. >> you are really a jerk. joanne, i dont know what happened there. here is a scary thing to me. how easy is that that he could get by the president of the united states? >> i need extensive background checks to apply for an apartment that is...

>> joanne, you were nodding along or were you being polite? >> i was trying to do the math in my head. >> i did it like six times. >> when i dont know the answer i just nod. >> thats great. you are really good at nodding. tom? >> you have to spend more for the first 44 and thats where you have to put a lot of the up front money. after that it tapers off. >> thats what they will tell you, tom, but they wont tell you. they will get out back end. >> it is quality and not quantity. they are the righ...

She will -- he is going to get fired this guy. >> this is a great idea. you should do this wherever you go. it is just to get the closed captioning guy fired. he is an awful man. just go ahead and say. i am the closed captioning guy. i am a white supremacist. >> you are doing it. >> i am. >> they already fired the first guy. the second one is getting fired now. >> oh my god. all right. they spent -- i dont even want to do this story now. they spent 300nil on on next to nil. it is day who the hel...

Up? >> wow. >> something is going on here. >> i think you cracked the case, columbo or jewlumbo. >> help me collapsed caption guy. you -- closed caption guy. you are my only help. >> i called you jewlumbo. >> i didnt comment on it. >> maybe the closed caption guy will say it. finally somebody is speaking my lange -- language. the panel will exchange secret santa gifts. i got joanne gnaw a jar filled with my toe nail clippings. it is what you wanted! first, is time the pope of the year or is year...

>> they say we hope he gets the help he needs. >> since 2006. >> thank you very much for that. anyway, closed caption moment right now. closed caption guy says, jesse joyce stole his clothes from a dead hobo. >> what? i dont understand. i get where you are going with the joke, but what is the closed caption part of it? >> the closed caption guy says it. he has no choice. he has to type that in. >> oh, okay. all right. >> he doesnt get it, but i like it anyway. they want to erase hit at home ba...

>> most presidents check this stuff. they say who is this guy? secret service says who is this guy? this guy standing right there -- by the way, i will say this. i looked at head of denmark or whoever she was, i would have gotten a selfie with her, too. >> of course you would, bob. we did that story yesterday. >> instead you took one with me yesterday. >> i did. that was good. >> how do you think this could have happened? do you have any theories? >> did the secret service not vet him? if i were...

Finally, the personal favorite. our guest vice president at it again. before we roll this, remember the super bowl will be played february 2nd, at metlife stadium, and metlife stadium is most definitely in new jersey. >> what part of new jersey you from? >> right by giants stadium mr. vice president. home of the super bowl. >> all right. maybe not this year. were going to talk about that. >> oh, man. any self-respecting football fan knows, it doesnt matter what teams are in the super bowl. its s...

The people who help the hearing impaired, do the closed captioning for all of our wonderful shows. having said that, id like to fool with them a little bit. last night on red eye, tom came up with the idea we say things that come out of closed captions persons mouth unintentionally like this for example where we had him say "i am the closed caption guy, and i hate that broad." we say that and the guy has no choice but to actually write it. it looks like he has an opinion. for example, come back ...

Theres a 16-year-old kid from quebec, thats in canada, which is in new jersey. his name is david -- listen to this guy do an elvis impersonation. ♪ have a blue christmas without you ♪ ill be so blue just thinking about you ♪ >> danas turn right? >> thats what the closed caption guy says next. >> if you love christmas, dont miss in texas. guinness book of world records for the biggest 39,000 cubic foot gingerbread house all goes to charity to benefit the texas trauma center. set your dvr so...

And only april ply to home plate? >> its absolutely insane. its the wussification. of american men. american sports. are you kidding me? you cant plow the man down if you needed base? its been in the game forever. i played short stop. most of my career. shortstop. a guy sliding into second base high and hard. breaking up a double play. whats the difference -- ive got cleat marks in my leg still to this day. whats the difference between that and somebody getting to home plate? its absolutely ridi...