Page 6 - Colbert Super News Today

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the reported, everybody, thank you for joining us. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. It is good to have you here tonight. Oh, listen to the people. Listen to the peoples voices. Calling out to me. cheers and applause if every stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Lets get to the big story. Everybodys talking about it, new jersey governor an...

If every stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Lets get to the big story. Everybodys talking about it, new jersey governor and future former republican frontrunner Chris Christie is embroiled in a scandal with a side of imbroglio, recently released emails reveal high level christie staffers deliberately snarled traffic last september on the busiest bridge in the world, the George Washington bridge, named of course, for one ...

Happy wednesday. Folks, lets get straight to it. We have no time to waste here because folks, huge news. Were always looking to bring you the biggest election story. And rumors started monday about a gamechanging october surprise. Donald trump now claims to have a bombshell announcement about president obama. A major announcement from donald trump coming today, and why it might change your vote in the president ial election. I have something very very big. Its very big. Bigger than anyone would ...

A selfprofessed Downton Abbey fan. She could not bear waiting until january 6th for the new season to begin so she asked the british filmmakers for a copy now. She got it. Stephen oh, yes, cup cup, fetch me the downtons. Now, meanwhile we commoners are left to fear what will become of downton as it lurches it into the roaring 20s, will lord grantham accept labbee cybils child with branson. Will they stay in prison forth murder of his exwife. Will they accept a Marriage Proposal from a young Corp...

Stephen tonight, questions about the libya crisis. Could it have been prevented with bayonets and horses . [ laughter ] plus, a gop Senate Candidate puts his foot in his mouth. I hope it wasnt in an airport bathroom. And i hope it was a foot. [ laughter ] and my guest Anthony Everitt is an expert on ancient roman culture. Or so he claims anyone who could contradict him is dead [ laughter ] only seven days until halloween but i tell my kids its ten. I get some great deals on costumes. [ laughter ...

Stephen yes, board up your windows, stock up on canned meats this will be the biggest, classiest, most devastating election gamechanger in the Human History of time. Okay . Think teapot dome, only the teapot is encrusted with gold and were using diamond tea bags. [ laughter ] the speculation was rampant. Was it the longrumored obama divorce papers . Proof that obamas white half is also black . [ laughter ] no, even bigger. Trump dropped a tenmegatrump bombshell. If barack obama opens up and give...

Costumes. [ laughter ] this is the colbert report [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. [cheers and applause] happy wednesday. Folks, lets get straight to it. We have no time to waste here because folks, huge news. Were always looking to bring you the biggest election story. And rumors started monday about a gamechanging october surprise. Donald trump now claims to have a bombshell announcement abo...

Three items off their 50 item menu and no one will give a [bleep]. Finally, i struggle with how to say goodbye to my friends. I saw a clip and i knew that was the one. Enjoy. [laughter] something to a few wellplaced ba bandages wouldnt fix and i promised myself i wouldnt cry. I was captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. I got to tell you. That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. I will ...

Carolina, dont. laughter now weve just found out weve just found out, folks, when it comes to hurricanes there is a new name for danger. And its girlly. According to a new study researchers looked at more than 16 years of death tolls from hurricanes and they found femalenamed hurricanes killed more people than the male ones. laughter stephen yes. Oh yes. When it comes to destruction, the lady storm shattered the Glass Ceiling well, the glass everything. laughter according to the study, people do...

Welcome to the report. Thank you very much. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, good to have you with us. Folks, cheers and applause thank you, thank you so much for being with us tonight. Its good to have you with us, tonight as all nights, folks as a bit of a clothes horse its my job to remind you of the annual fashion dos and donts. For instance it is now after memorial day so you are allowed to wear white pants. But i dont recommend it because what youre about to hear is going to make you go to...