helped even in his own agony and our, it s the world s loss that he s not here. it s the world s loss. let s take another break. let come back and talk about how he killed himself, the gun he used and how he got that gun. because that, in itself, should never have happened. we are grateful the laws kept matthew from getting the gun for as long as it did.
that says our bodies are broken and they will be raised in glory. they are buried in weakness, they will be raised in strength. every time i quote that verse. you know, matthew s body was broken, a gun broke his body. he will be raised if glory. he was buried in weakness. i say, matthew, you were buried in weakness, but you will be raised in strength. so the struggle has been not in believing that god exists. not that god is evil. because god is good. but i have this other little tiny pot when there is questions i can t answer, like, did matthew think of us before he pulled the trigger? was there any moment in which he suffered? why after all those years of prayer and effort did he die? all these things that i have no answers for. and i ve put them in this little pot. it s my mystery pot. so here s my hope box.
we had done this, what if we had done that? the what if springs to mind for me if i was in your position and thank god i m not. if i had been, what if knowing he d acquired an illegal gun you had reported that to the authorities? now, you already said, kay, he always said if you call the police, i ll kill myself. so, obviously, an incredibly difficult what if. absolute ply. do you think it could have made any difference? no, i don t. i don t think it would have made a difference in the fact. if he was determined. if you are determined, you will take your life. the what the where, sitting here in this moment, it s very clinical. it s very, you know, we can second guess all over the place, but if that moment when you have a mentally ill person who is telling you they re going to take their life. take his life, the choices mental illness creates such
you mentioned earlier that matthew had a gun. he didn t get it legally. that s for sure. the gun laws in california are strict. they worked. he couldn t get a gun legally. had he tried to do it legally? oh, yeah, for a long time. we are grateful the laws kept matthew from getting a gun for as long as it did. he kept trying. he wanted to for one purpose? only one purpose. because he knew it would end it for him and he was just so determined. when did he finally get this gun? a month before he took his life. do you know how he got it? he told me everything. he told me that he found somebody finally on the internet who would sell it to him. it had to be super encrypted and this whole process.
going forward? well, yeah. it will affect me in all three of those areas. not just simply in gun control. by the way, when i heard about that, those deaths at the naval yard the first thing i did is get down on my knees and pray for those families of victims. those who died and those who are wounded and my heart went out to them. i do think there is no way a gun should ever get in the hands of a mentally ill person. there is just no way. so i as i said, california has one of the strictest gun laws around. even with strict gun laws, he figured out a way. if you are persistent, you are going to figure out a way. is so in addition to laws that restrict, we also have to go to issues of why did my son want a gun and were there better ways to help him? we, of all people, have the means, the ability, to connection to find help for our son.