Page 3 - Coverage Network News Today

Trees. [ laughter ] thats right President Trump has fired National Security adviser john bolton and you have to appreciate the irony of john bolton being taken out by a preemptive strike. [ light laughter ] so National Security adviser john bolton is out no word yet on what he plans to do next. Oh, man, the patriots . [ laughter ] President Trump and Vice President mike pence held a rally in North Carolina last night ahead of the states special Congressional Election though do you really need pe...

Jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy oh my goodness oh, wow, oh. Oh please, welcome. I feel the love. Thank you very much. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Thank you very much for being here [ cheers and applause guys, we had a Beautiful Day here in new york city. It was 85 and sunny. It was so nice over at laguardia. United pilots switched from whiskey to pina coladas. [ light laughter ] it was really a Beautiful Day. Lets get to some news. Starting today, al...

And thanks to gerrymandering, four republicans [ light laughter ] President Trumps Reelection Campaign displayed an aerial banner in houston today ahead of tonights third democratic debate, and honestly trump has got to give it a rest. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause the u. S. Patent office has announced that it denied a request from the Ohio State University to trademark the word the for use by the schools athletic department. And to really rub it in, they signed it off from the u. S. Patent...

[ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness. Thank you very much. Hello. [ cheers and applause wow. Thats very nice thank you. Thank you very, very much. Please, please welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. Youre here, you made it thank you for being here you look good. [ cheers and applause you guys, we got a great show. Jennifer garner is here tonight. [ cheers and applause steve oh jimmy Jim Jefferies is here [ cheers and applause and weve got music from Megan Thee ...

[ laughter ] investigators are saying that the guards at the jail holding sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein may have been asleep at the time of his death worse, they were asleep in their beds at home [ laughter ] oh, we were supposed to stay there . [ light laughter ] politico has published an article about two College Students who have become popular deejays amongst Trump Supporters and go by the stage name, milk n cooks which is incidentally the secret Service Names for these two. [ laughter ] wa...

[ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh my goodness, thank you very much, i love you oh, i love you please have a seat thank you very much. I love you welcome, relax, enjoy yourself welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for being here thank you for watching at home you guys [ cheers and applause im very excited about this. It chapter 2 comes out this weekend. [ cheers ] when they heard that, actual clowns were like, oh, come on i was jus...

[ light laughter ] probrexit politician Boris Johnson was officially elected today to become the uks next prime minister. Great. In 70 years, the uk has gone from Winston Churchill to a roady for spinal tap [ light laughter ] President Trump continued his attacks on minority congresswomen today tweeting the quote, aoc plus three are a nightmare for america. Although technically for trump, anything that involves math is a nightmare. [ laughter and applause aoc plus three, how do you how do you ad...

Quirqueer eye fab five now out with a new book, antoni porowski is joining us, everybody also on tonights show, the big weekend in sports, a democrat whos getting real support, and President Trump is beefing with everyone. Alabama, might prepare yourself because the hurricane is totally coming back. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off wan update on that big College Cheating scandal. Tv star Felicity Huffman has now pled guilty to paying a service to fake her daughters test scores...

The taliban at camp david to discuss a peace agreement. And if youre wondering where we are as a nation, my first thought was, i dont know, ill believe it when i hear it from the taliban. [ laughter ] the Washington Post has published a new article calling former Vice President joe biden and senator Elizabeth Warren frenemies. Even crazier, they referred to john delaney and Michael Bennett as candidates. [ laughter ] President Trump told reporters today that he would release a report on his fina...

[growling] not enough, huh . Maybe the intense flavor of mint will freshen things up [wind gusting] i reach the gulf of mexico in no time and with all my strength, i drag cthulhu back to the depths from whence he came my trusty hero companions are there, still alive i return them to their world encased in a protective berry bubble. Then its back down to seal up the hole created by the bp oil company, returning home only momentarily to flip off my fat sister. Dude, thanks for getting us out of th...