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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20240622

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Big show tonight my guest number 42 number 42 is on the Program President bill clinton will be joining us a little bit later. But first ive got to tell you i hadded weirdest dream last night remember that guy from the reality show what was that show called,s with it ego maniac no no, its with called yeah that was it thats it. So in my dream the guy from that show the one without puts his name on everything the way a sixyearold might that guy announced he was entering the republican 2016 race for president. So in my incredibly unlickly dream this man then like descended down an escalator like a god going from theater 12 to theater 7 at the multiplex. Anyway, in my dream he ended up saying a bunch of weird [bleep] about mexicans and then i woke up. I mean its crazy right the whole thing. Oh my god oh my god cheers and applause hair like fibers completely unnatural in color and texture. It was real y

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20240622

Puts his name on everything the way a sixyearold might that guy announced he was entering the republican 2016 race for president. So in my incredibly unlickly dream this man then like descended down an escalator like a god going from theater 12 to theater 7 at the multiplex. Anyway, in my dream he ended up saying a bunch of weird [bleep] about mexicans and then i woke up. I mean its crazy right the whole thing. Oh my god oh my god cheers and applause hair like fibers completely unnatural in color and texture. It was real yup. Its all true. Except for the stuff he said about mexicans. All right i got to say it was incredible. I feel hungover today between the raucous joy of the trump announcement and the overindulgence of pizza huts new uncircumcised penisladentusion or whatever they are calling it. O vebsly every day cant be new years eve as eminem what say back to reality. A global trade deal with a completely boring name but huge economic implications the Transpacific Partnership. Tp

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170105

Got it. Now can we get on with this . First question what color is blue . Blue . What . Blue is blue . Aw, did i lose . What, lose . No, no, hang on. Youre supposed to lose, you idiot where am i . Just dont answer any more questions, got it . Okey dokey. Sorry, folks. A little mixup. Were playing best out of three. What are we doing out here, you guys . I want to see if jakov wins that game show. Oh, hell win. Dont worry. We just have to show you this new species because youre the departmentofinterior guy now. Soon they will all be eaten by bears. Let me get out my notepad so i can classify this new species. That should be fine, just fine. Just fine. Fine. There it is that must be of the antelope family. Thats kenny with branches on his head. Why did you bring me all the way out here, you guys . Cartman, jakovasaurs are making south park suck. You have to understand that. What does that have to do with me being all the way out wait a minute, youre distracting me that game show is a fix

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170105

Got it. Now can we get on with this . First question what color is blue . Blue . What . Blue is blue . Aw, did i lose . What, lose . No, no, hang on. Youre supposed to lose, you idiot where am i . Just dont answer any more questions, got it . Okey dokey. Sorry, folks. A little mixup. Were playing best out of three. What are we doing out here, you guys . I want to see if jakov wins that game show. Oh, hell win. Dont worry. We just have to show you this new species because youre the departmentofinterior guy now. Soon they will all be eaten by bears. Let me get out my notepad so i can classify this new species. That should be fine, just fine. Just fine. Fine. There it is that must be of the antelope family. Thats kenny with branches on his head. Why did you bring me all the way out here, you guys . Cartman, jakovasaurs are making south park suck. You have to understand that. What does that have to do with me being all the way out wait a minute, youre distracting me that game show is a fix

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