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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712

Hip hip hip hooray. The joeys are here today. So glad i missed that song. Next, put sunscreen on my kids. Growing up, i dont even think my parents knew what sunscreen was. My father used to lather me up with olive oil so i could get a beautiful tan at the age of three. Then snack. Then lunch. And when theyre done with lunch then we snack again. Then i take the kids on a walk where somehow, i am the only one walking. Then its nap time, for me. Next, i watch eight minutes of tangled, four minutes of trolls, and 30 minutes of cinderella. Then i negotiate how many bites of dinner equals a popsicle treat. Then its bath time where i somehow proceed to get more wet than the kids who are inside the bathtub. Next is story time. Then bed time. Then i cry in a corner wondering if i am spending enough time with my kids. I want to set the record straight on something tonight. Quarantine . Was invented by italians. The word quarantine comes from the italian words quaranta giorni, which mean 40 days.

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712

Did the other two guys pass away . My mom told me i was too stiff and that my suit didnt fit. And my dad wanted to know why i didnt mention my Cousins Construction company. Im just so glad to be working again. My days normally start out with the zoom preschool circle time song, the joeys are here today. The joeys are here today. Hip hip hip hooray. The joeys are here today. So glad i missed that song. Next, put sunscreen on my kids. Growing up, i dont even think my parents knew what sunscreen was. My father used to lather me up with olive oil so i could get a beautiful tan at the age of three. Then snack. Then lunch. And when theyre done with lunch then we snack again. Then i take the kids on a walk where somehow, i am the only one walking. Then its nap time, for me. Next, i watch eight minutes of tangled, four minutes of trolls, and 30 minutes of cinderella. Then i negotiate how many bites of dinner equals a popsicle treat. Then its bath time where i somehow proceed to get more wet th

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712

The joeys are here today. So glad i missed that song. Next, put sunscreen on my kids. Growing up, i dont even think my parents knew what sunscreen was. My father used to lather me up with olive oil so i could get a beautiful tan at the age of three. Then snack. Then lunch. And when theyre done with lunch then we snack again. Then i take the kids on a walk where somehow, i am the only one walking. Then its nap time, for me. Next, i watch eight minutes of tangled, four minutes of trolls, and 30 minutes of cinderella. Then i negotiate how many bites of dinner equals a popsicle treat. Then its bath time where i somehow proceed to get more wet than the kids who are inside the bathtub. Next is story time. Then bed time. Then i cry in a corner wondering if i am spending enough time with my kids. I want to set the record straight on something tonight. Quarantine . Was invented by italians. The word quarantine comes from the italian words quaranta giorni, which mean 40 days. During the plague,

Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20171004

Thank you. Have a good time. [ laughter ] seth which means its time for another installment of i cant. Seth i just they it was a [ laughter ] youre the president. [ laughter ] i cant. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats right. President trump visited puerto rico today, and boy, was he surprised when he asked to speak to their president. [ laughter ] what . You have a donald trump too . [ laughter ] i want to meet him. Maybe he also hates his job. [ light laughter ] President Trump visited puerto rico today, where he met with hurricane survivors. We love you, donald, said a banner he brought from home. [ laughter ] politico has published a new profile on Robert Mueller and the ongoing russia investigation. We have one reporter saying that asking mueller for inside information would be like asking him to watch a porn movie with you. Ill watch a porn movie with you, said ted cruz. [ laughter ] we dont even have to sit on the same couch. [ laughter and applause ] according to reports, offic

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20171004

Were going to help you out. Thank you. Have a good time. [ laughter ] seth which means its time for another installment of i cant. Seth i just they it was a [ laughter ] youre the president. [ laughter ] i cant. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats right. President trump visited puerto rico today, and boy, was he surprised when he asked to speak to their president. [ laughter ] what . You have a donald trump too . [ laughter ] i want to meet him. Maybe he also hates his job. [ light laughter ] President Trump visited puerto rico today, where he met with hurricane survivors. We love you, donald, said a banner he brought from home. [ laughter ] politico has published a new profile on Robert Mueller and the ongoing russia investigation. We have one reporter saying that asking mueller for inside information would be like asking him to watch a porn movie with you. Ill watch a porn movie with you, said ted cruz. [ laughter ] we dont even have to sit on the same couch. [ laughter and applause ]

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