Drunk Jamie News Today

Remember the story about paris hilton, i dont know if its true, didnt she like lose one of her chihuahuas in a closet? >> jamie: and then it died or something. >> greg: yeah, i dont know if this was real. so dont sue me paris hilton, at least not again. anyway, up next, the sim suit wont win a competition, but it will beat facial recognition. [cheers and applause] ♪ if it hurts when you poop sometimes like pinching off ♪ ♪ a porcupine and youre sweatin your ♪ ♪ next trip to the loo ♪...

Way. [laughter] >> jamie: i love the professors video i always thought the dog -- i always was like i wish there were more germs at a water park. this is my video, im super excited about this. it happened in alaska. i made that up, i forgot to look at where it happened. dude, what were seeing is a video, i think wed all agree this is the worst hunter in the world. do you know what im saying? like if you go hunting and youre sitting up in a tree and all of a sudden youre tapped on the shoulder fr...

Of shorts and that was it. sometimes you werent even sure what you were swimming in you just ran out and did it. now look at that. thats 45 minutes to get dressed to go swimming. shes got gloves on. shes got zipper body armour on, long pants and a ski mask. what is the point of getting wet? >> greg: yeah, its crazy. jamie, dont we all wear masks? >> jamie: wow, that was really deep. to tell you the truth, if i went to the beach like i wouldnt even notice these. i dont even look at womens faces a...

Knows you live in alaska. do you follow what goes on in america? >> jamie: yes. as soon as i get here. oh, my god, im sorry. this just coming in, turns out the president misspoke. he did not cure cancer, he got rid of a caverninger soar. hes very sorry. i thought it was funny the thing did you about dr. jill biden. thats really true. in a movie theater people should be more specific, they shouldnt say is there a doctor in the house, is there a doctor that can help in the house. because what if y...